elevatedthought

a signal came up for me in a dream that i was dreamin- it was this disgusting cyst on my head and for some reason that happens to me in dreams, i think it reflects my insecurity issues about my skin. anyway i saw it and was like shit i gotta check if im dreaming.

FINGERS WERE MULTIPLIED yesssss im in a dream but i couldnt BELIEVE it so i kept checking and i just HAD to ask for confirmation from alex and megan that it was a dream- woooops even tho i knew it wasn't good to do that at the time, i did anyway. they were like uh ok it's not a dream.

WHATEVER ok so basically i was like well it's a dream and for some reason i just felt like throwing this cous cous at alex in a playful way. then alex through some mustard or something at me and it was on. i walked out sayin "well it's a dream so i don't have to clean up but you guys do when i leave! haha!"

then i went to greg starkovich's room. i was trying to steal pills left and right for some reason. then greg had Grand theft auto. THE UNFORTUNATE THING is that a lucid dream is you getta do whatever you want. Grand theft auto is ALSO a world where you getta do what you want. therefore, i chose to play gta in my lucid dream and lost the other advantages of exploring the lucid dream world.

BUT WHATEVER I HAD A GREAT FUCKIN GTA GAME i was shooting those mofos left and right and picking up prostitutes and deciding whether to party in sf or santa clara, flying over those cities in an aerial view on the tv (which i dont think you can do in real gta).

i had trouble BELIEVING it was a lucid dream bc i didnt want to do something stupid like actually throw food at alex in real life. gotta stabilize more.



story short is that i did whateva the fuk i want- oh wait i can do that in real life with gta!!! SO DONT PLAY GTA WHEN U LUCID do something cooler k thnx bye love nat

i had a weird day last night so i kept practicing the basic lucid techniques i know, mainly looking at my hand.

it paid off. had a lucid last night and the TRIPPIEST part for me was continually checking my hand throughout the dream. my fingers were bloated, some of them were short, others were curled around the others. and more than 5 digits, sometimes 6 and sometimes 7. the weird thing is i could stare at them and take in every detail of the ridges in my skin, the nails, the shapes.

anyway i was lucid for a large part of the dream. i was on some main street and i decided i wanted to horsebackride. so i rode down the street. then i was like fuck that i'm gonna fly. so i flew over to "my house" (dream version of my house). the only thing i knew for sure i wanted to happen was to see matt and hug him and tell him i love him. so i did. but my dream took him away from the plot and a character in the dream told me he didn't respect me but he loves me he just cant be with me ever.

after that i was like fuck everyone. i wanted to go to my REAL home not the dream one and i held out my hands and tried to power burst open the ceiling. it kind of worked but not enough for me to go through it. so i closed my eyes and just changed the whole scene so that i was already flying. it took so much concentration to keep soaring. after struggling for a bit and falling to the ground, i finally was going across the golden gate.

at my house there was some huge water slide. i went down it and this is the weird part: i was rushing down it so fast and it was so long, and suddenly my whole vision went into this trippy pattern of like a blue vortex with a black background. that happened for like at least 2 straight minutes, which was really cool.

for things to happen, i had to concentrate really hard and think "THIS IS A DREAM" and then sometimes they would happen but other times they would happen but not like i really wanted them to (like trying to burst open to ceiling like a superhero). i also had a false awakening but got back to lucidity.

me and hailey m and some other people were at this huge convention in the woods and there was a huge auditorium and a big screen with all these images and an audience. i was surprised to see hailey bc she was pregnant with triplets. we became friends in the dream. she was a welcoming cousin, just like i guess i always subconsciously wanted her to be (since she always is my friend in my dreams). i remember there was this fundraising bucket with money in it. i took over 10 dollars and didn't tell anyone.

to get out of the woods, we had to walk bc cars weren't allowed. it sucked, there were prickly things everywhere and large animals. we ended up in some lady's boat house and stole a lot of food while she was looking.

then the dream switches to "uc irvine". but it was a dream version, super unrealistic. VERY vivid (maybe bc i took dream enhancer vitamins last night). i was in this room conversing with a lot of people. matt was there and i was so happy for him bc it was his first day at school and he seemed like he was having a great time with lots of friends.

i look over, and what do you know? hes banging this girl in public IN FRONT OF ME and he looks at me and looks sort of guilty but keeps going. i was so hurt that i ran away. but first i said some passionate speech to him and he was like sorry sorry. but it did't make me feel better.

the rest of the dream was me wandering the irvine halls looking for matt. my logic was fucked bc i knew he didn't care about me bc of what he did, but i love him so much that i was kind of unaware of the girl he banged like half the time. such a sad dream

LUCID: in the dream i kept staring at my hands and i knew it was a dream but it was so damn vivid it was ridiculous. i was really tripped out. but then my fingers were regular 5 digits, so i thought i wasn't in the dream anymore. that happened right before i was done figuring out what i wanted to happen in my lucid dream. unfortunately i was stuck, also, bc i have no plan of what i want to happen in my lucid dreams. gotta do that.

the most clear scene from my dream was this: me and obama laying next to each other under a blanket. there were some other people around (my friends, mainly AA ones). but they couldn't hear us. we were talking quietly. he was surprisingly just a normal dude and very humble. i was quite turned on by him and he could tell bc he was, too. and he said well why don't you kiss me already? and i said " well i mean.... the thing is... i feel like you have kissed other students from my school". and he said "only 3, and 2 weren't even friends with alex (from AA). For some reason i knew that the students that were friends with alex didn't mean anything to him. then i started regretting asking him all these stupid questions bc i mean, when else would i get to kiss the president?! but luckily he was still down and he kissed me like super conservative but sensual. anyway then for some reason i realized oh shit he has a wife! what about michelle? i asked him. he looked pained and said that they were having their own relationship ups and downs..... i didn't question him.

another scene was with me and obama and justin bieber. jb was being super obnoxious, instagramming everything like a little shit. but obama was friends with him and wanted to play a game with me, jb, and himself. the game was throwing a marble type ball at justin bieber, and if we missed, he got a point. i was surprisingly really good. half way through jb turned into a midget, which i guess i just noticed and didn't comment on. jb won but it was a close game.

another part of the dream, earlier, was stealing clothes with abdu. i needed a particular shirt and he wouldnt even let me buy it, he just stole it.

another part was justin being shot by a BB gun or something. he was extremely hurt. i remember being really scared and the police were out but since we were with obama it really wasn't a big deal. i didn't know if justin would make it though bc i had never seen him in so much pain.

at another point in the dream, i asked katie kalbhan if she wanted a blunt that i had if she paid me. i really needed money for some reason (i think to get home bc my mom was freakin out. i had the sense she was freakin out the whole dream, which is a continual theme i have). anyway she said that she can't smoke bc it made her trip out and i said me too! funny thing is, she smokes a lot (i think) and also i don't even know her in real life and shes some random ass girl from high school.

i also remember clearly the van we were in with abdu. it was big and white, like dad's car. speedin down the night freeway.

oh yeah and... well there was another part where me and obama and a bunch of the AA people and bryn got naked and did some DP centipede shit but not anal? it was so weird but for some reason i didn't think it was in the dream. except for the fact that sierras dad, my employer, was on the other human chain right next to me. i was like ew wat a sicko. i remember sort of enjoying it but feeling numb as well.

WHY THE EFF COULDNT I LUCID DREAM? I was literally kicking it with obama. i got to be more in tune with things that are out of the ordinary! but it was still a cool dream.

i was at a picnic table in the dark late at night with a couple ppl (dont remember) and also hayley m. i told her, after mustering up some courage, "you know, you're always in my dreams, all the time. which is weird bc you are the cousin i least interact with in real life" it was ironic i said that because i was actually in a dream with her saying that, but i was unaware that i was in a dream at this time.

jen was pregnant. wearing a white dress and visibly big. ben was there and i talked to him on the phone before i got there. he said that jen and him had a fight and she was crying and i thought it was a huge deal so i was trying to talk him through it. but when i got there, ben seemed to think it wasn't a big deal at all and she was just "being jen". he tried to cuddle me and stuff and i felt really weird bc he was with jen but for some reason i thought " well maybe he is just friendly and we were pretty close friends before so he might just be trying to bring those days back". so i snuggled him.

jump to matthew and i. we were cuddling and stuff and then he went into this big conference room with all these people. amazingly enough, i decided i must do a hand stand. i somehow was so strong and it was really effortless i could just lift my whole body off the ground. i was naked and i thought matt might like the view of my legs wobbling around above the couch that was in front of me.

suddenly i switched to matthews perspective. i was matt. i was sitting in the conference room and i saw my legs and it looked just like i was fucking someone bc the couch was covering my torso and the legs were just sticking up. i saw a flashback of some times we had together and felt genuine hurt.

back to nat. matt walks in and somehow i know what he thinks. i try to play it off cool like i don't know so that it looks really natural bc i really dont have anything to hide anyway. idk what happened after that.

i was staring at a bag of oreo hershey chocolates in bens bed. i studied the whole packaging and watched ben eat one. i wanted one but decided against it bc it was so rich. then hayley m walks in the door bc she lives in the room in the back, which was wear jen was sleeping or crying or whatever.

there was also a lot of drama bc i was supposed to go to epr and mike was setting shit up and stuff but then mom interfered and i was all pissed and i was in some random town but i apparently thought it was santa clara. i ran into axel and then ali c, and ali was crying real hard and we both exchanged our weird nights. she seemed worried for me when i told her my stuff and i tried to reassure her i would be ok, i was working on sobriety.

at one point in the dream i was trying to get into my apartment and there was this girl at the door and she said you cant go in with pills. i had to show her that it was just allergy medication and she said it doesnt matter swallow it. and i said no because its fexofenadine and it makes me awake and i don't want to feel that way and she said what about the other pills and i said really firmly no it's lithium and i don't want to be tired and the other is trazodone and i'm not falling asleep yet! and she bitterly let me just go in. wtf and my apt was like a small kitchen and thats it.

i also remember when i was in the park with hayley it started smelling horrible and i said 'dont worry guys its just the houses back there' and they were all like wtf and i was like 'yeah i have no idea what goes on back there but it just smells randomly sometimes'
it was weird bc i could actually smell in my dream.

had no lucid breakthroughs probably because i havent been trying so hard the last 2 weeks bc of exhaustion idk why im so tired lately? weird and opposite of me. but my mind is workin overtime . alright i'm out, i have my psychiatrist for that shit.

was at a kick it... i was scaling roofs... aly tyree msged me on fb for the city the place i was at was in. dj was there and we were friends? z tried to watch over me but i didn't trust him after wat happened at ryans.

pretty normal dream but cant remember much. i prefer the crazy ones like the sea camel i gotta lucid dream that little guy back

so in my dream i was at this huge river. it was an activity in the land where i was in my dream, an activity that involved riding an animal that seemed to be like a camel under water. i sat on the animal underwater like riding a horse, and the head of the animal popped up. the head looked like a cross between a deer and an ostrich and a camel, and it was the color of a camel. i rode it down a crowded river (there were other ppl riding and in boats and swimming so it was difficult to navigate at times). i finally got to the end where i was to pick up sierra. weirdly enough, i'm not sure i actually saw her in the dream but i know she absolutely loved the sea animal ride that i took her on.

then i was in this huge frat house. it was a beautiful house like you would see in a magazine with a large backyard and pool, but there were bottles and random crap everywhere bc they had a lot of parties there. there were huge frat guys there that i apparently knew. one of them was wearing sunglasses in the house. throughout the house, there were dudes passed out randomly from partying.

me and matt and kiely were on the floor in sleeping bags next to the couch where bryn was watching tv. it was some cartoon that was out of this world. it was like 3d and it was a mish-mash of crazy alien-like images set to techno music. kiely was freaking out bc she thought she was a slut bc of some story she told us about her past. apparently she went into the bathroom with some guy and he said you can have your pants on or off. she chose off. i told her she was just freaking out and shes fine. kiely went to the bathroom, and me and matt wanted to cuddle so we rolled next to the couch so bryn couldnt see. i remember pushing back from the couch so that she couldnt hear either. i remember this part vividly- looking up at the couch from the wood floor and pushing as hard as i could to slide us back. we didn't really get to do anything bc the dream switched or i just dont remember....

i was outside by the pool. there was some huge hammock device. i was told to swing into the hole that the strings created and onto the large tree. i swang like a park swing a bunch of times, back and forth as hard as i could, and i remember yelling things like "i cant do this!! this is so hard!" and laughing.

dream switched again. mom found my computer and freaked the fuck out bc she searched history and apparently i have something to hide. she was screaming and furious and i felt dread and fear. i grabbed the laptop from her, and then started to gather all my shit from the frat house. i had to babysit sierra and i only had 2 hours to get there. before leaving, i went to some drawer and found a bunch of stickers and things and went through them for about 15 min it felt like in order to find sierra some cute things. i picked out pumpkin halloween, barbie ish, stars, and other stickers. i remember their images completely clearly, each sheet of stickers was as real as anything.

i got in my car and raced over to the hymans to see them and then pick up sierra from somewhere. it was the second time we were going to go sea animal riding. i went to the hymans residence, but it was a different house but i knew it was them still. they were nice, but for some reason i couldn't remember their last names and they asked me to find their phone number on my phone just in case of an emergency. for the life of me i couldnt remember their last names, or even first names, and i also couldn't navigate my phone bc it was a whole different interface. they were kind of weirded out by my inability to find them in my phone. they eventually called the sea riding off bc of it, and i felt rejected and tried to change their mind. they tried to distract me by showing me some cat that their friend had created from scratch? it wasn't a real cat it was made from a human. i told them i had heard about it. she said that it did a bunch of tricks. it was a creepy black cat like ricky and its fur was all mangled up like a shitty black haired barbie. it was all contorted and freaky looking. hillary told me she wanted him to do a trick with me. i uncomfortably agreed and the cat came towards me.

idk what happened after that. i did enjoy the sea animal rides and the animal was so cute that i rode with its little head sticking out of the water so cutely.

i was in some mall with bibiana and we were shopping and i kept picking out stuff that she loved. i saw a white skirt that i really liked and she said to get it. bibiana suddenly switched over to someone else, it was my soul mate, some guy with dark hair and a face i've never seen before but i knew we were going to be together forever and i felt safe with him.

we walked out of the mall and i noticed that i didn't pay for the skirt. i was hoping he didn't care- he didn't care and told me that i should take it because ppl give more money to the clothing company than they ever spent.

we went to some university and i tried to finish some assignment that required a clean white piece of paper. i looked for seemingly hours and finally realized that this was a dumb assignment and i was over it. i decided to go. i sensed that this was a revolutionary move and the professor and people that worked at the dictator-like university would be enraged.

my soulmate and i rushed out of there. i was holding a pipe with a packed bowl, and for some reason i wanted to protect it so i ran with it in my hands. it was almost as if it was my mission to keep it safe. as we ran, we passed cages were there were all these young adults trapped and moaning and yelling. we knew we would join their ranks if we got caught by the school. but my mother was who i was running from. she was part of the evil side. she called me repeatedly and yelled at me to get back to the prison school.

at one point we reached a huge body of water, and i had to let the pipe go underwater. we eventually reached my car and i threw the pipe and stuff in my glove compartment. later in the dream my mom captured me, and she made me give up my backpack. at first i was worried bc if there was a pipe in their i would be done for- a sense of impending doom surrounded the dream. i remembered that i left my pipe in my car. i kicked and screamed in an effort not to go to the prison and be in a cage. i yelled at my mom some nasty things and also to my brother, who was in the car.

the imagery in this dream was absolutely powerful. the cages with black bars and the desperate looks on the prisoners faces, the look on the professor's face when he reprimanded me, the feeling of undoubted security with my soul mate, the emotion behind my screams at my mother and brother. wading through the water in panic, i felt the adrenaline as true as any reality.

the whole dream is set in a dark , after sunset foreboding lighting with clouds overhead.

Chelsea G. was at CVS with me, and we were good friends in the dream. I was shopping for a Halloween outfit. I did not know what I wanted to be, but they had a nice selection of cop outfits that were cute enough to wear on a college campus. They were all so high up that I didn't think I could ever reach them, so I was about to give up but Chelsea hopped onto some box and started scaling the rack, throwing down cop items as she went. I tried on a multitude of clothes, including regular jeans (which don't have anything to do with a cop?). I eventually settled on a hat with a strip of numbers on the front, a gun holster, and another item that I do not remember. We went back to SCU (bc in the dream Chelsea went to SCU). It was time to go to sleep because Halloween was the next day and we wanted to go out.

The next morning:
Jen was sleeping in the bed next to me. We lived in a dorm room at a university that was not SCU. She was sleeping, and I was trying to be very quiet. Alex M. was in the room and he wanted to smoke with me. It was the day after Thanksgiving (which makes no sense bc it was just about to be Halloween?). Alex was not being very quiet and Jen woke up. I wanted to get out of the room as quickly as possible bc I didn't want her to know that I was smoking weed. I felt a pang of guilt. We quickly went outside and walked to wherever we were going. We walked down this dorm hall and Zach DP was there. We exchanged hello's and I remember thinking that he has turned into a pretty chill guy. Eventually Alex and I got outside on this patio outside of the university that we went to, but it wasn't SCU still. His hair was darker and more closely curled and cut to his head.

On the patio, there were a bunch of double a people there. L was down below me talking to some girl, and I heard her say "For some reason last year I started dressing really ghetto, and now i'm like wtf?!" She was wearing a clearly non-ghetto dress with a black and white flower design and a light sweater. Twg was also there, and she was dressed in a rave-esque outfit, discussing her Halloween (ok it's halloween again i guess) plans with a couple people. She was saying that she LOVED video game parties and "no one gets between me and my video games". She said that last video game party she brought a guy. Seeing as how she is a lesbian, the person she was talking to asked, "why did you bring a guy?" She replied "it's a video game party i don't give a fuck!" and they all laughed.

While all this was going on, Alex M. was rolling a b and I was trying to clean this weird grinder that was unlike anything i had ever seen. i had to shape little bowls from the wet sand around us and stack them in the grinder. Grace D. was next to me and she looked dubious about what I was doing, but none the less as if she was having a relaxing, good time sitting outside on the patio. Alex saw what I was doing eventually and shook his head, he told me to fill the remaining area with cherries. I was confused until I saw a bunch of cherries in the sand, so I did that. I was worried because it wasn't my grinder, it was Zach's, and I didn't want him to be like wtf did you put in there.

Right before I smoked the b, I realized that I had class in an hour because it was thanksgiving last night (thnxgiving again), which was a Thursday, and class was resumed on Friday and shit it was Friday and I have a hard math class and I didn't even do any homework. I smoked, then ran over to the class, passing open classrooms with all minority students in them so I thought dammit I'm in the international studies wing and not the math one.

I finally ran into a kid who was in my class, and he told me we had hw. my heart sank. I never wanted smoking and partying to interfere with class, but here it had. So i vowed to work extra hard in the class and get an A.

There was also a random portion of this dream where I was looking about pictures on facebook and there were a lot of pics of Alex and I, and in one of them i was naked and he had his arms over my boobs. I kind of wanted to tag it in the dream, but then I got embarrassed bc I don't even like Alex or his morals or who he is as a person. But I looked good in it, as well as the other pics. I decided to deal with it later bc I was in a hurry.

The whole dream had a sort of rushed feeling to it that increased and receded throughout the dream. Other things happened but they are sort of blurry and I already got out the gist of it. The parts I kind of remember are being in some paddle boat in this crowded river with other boats, as well as a scene with a car and an annoying man trying to ask me questions while I brush him off and look for something in the car.
This was a pretty mundane dream, which is sort of unusual for me. But it's nice to take a break from crazy dreams once in a while.