side notes

Finally, some time to catch up with the DJ here.
No lucidity this time but I am including this because the dream - daydream confusion is somewhat important to me.

dream comment

O and a lake
A dream about my friend O and a frozen lake. Trying to cross the like and worrying about the thickness of the ice.

A&P
My friends, A and P, have a bunch of rings, some are their wedding bands, some are other rings, we talk about them. There is a stone, blue and gold, with a labradorite-like effect, very heavy. I like that.
In this dream, I think it is a daydream and not a dream. Later, I realize this was a dream.

Grandmother
I am with my grandmother, in her garden. There are some weeds. I am thinking about possible spaces for planting roses.
I think this is a daydream and not a dream.
Then we go inside and I log my previous dreams (O and a lake, A&P) in my DJ.
For some reason, I don't wear any top. Some girl wants to see what I am writing but I tell her it was personal. But I show it to her anyway.

Gravel road
I am lying on a gravel road, trying to sleep. I decide there is no point in trying to sleep. I decide to log my dreams.
Then I go down the road.
And again, I think this is a daydream!
There is a blanket and my husband and I sit next to him and think about my dreams. I remember I forgot my DJ up on the road but forgot it after a moment.
Right next to us, there is a house and a door and I get inside with some female DC. It is a house of someone rich and important but they don't live there anymore and artificial intelligence is caring for the house. The girl DC let them to serve us and care for us. We are there for days or weeks (it doesn't feel like that but it the knowledge behind the dream).
Then we are outside again and they catch us and someone is surprised by our behavior.
I slowly wake up from this, struggling to believe it was a dream, but remembering that I already logged my dreams twice!



And another one on 3rd April

I am trying to VILD. I imagine drawing numbers and colouring them. Then I daydream about being an apprentice of a master of drawing. But it doesn't last long.
I slip into a mi of short daydreams turning into dreams. I feel awake and aware of my surroundings but I don't realize that some daydreams fully turned into dreams.

Sex
I am in a room with some people/friends. I am wearing my nightie only. T touches my breasts under the nightie. I tell him that I don't mind him doing that but that I don't like not having control over it (basically, that I want it and he should continue but I don't like him not asking).
I snap my fingers and all other people in the room disappear, it's just two of us.
I love that. I think how cool it would be to have this skill in a real dream, but this doesn't count because it is only a daydream.
Then we start kissing... and other things.



Notes
I don't know why I struggle with this. Maybe because I like to daydream and my morning daydreams with closed eyes can be vivid and look the same as dreams - at least to my half-asleep brain.
About the differences:
Visualization - completely conscious, needs to be maintained with a lot of energy, needs to be micromanaged.
Daydream - telling myself a story, it can be with our without a narrative over, usually with good visuals. It's part me, part subconscious. Me steering the whole thing but micromanaging isn't needed. It stops if I stop.
Dream - 100% subconscious, running on its own.

I used to think that when anything happens in my daydream which I didn't put there (a new object, a new scenery) that it means that it is a dream. But in fact, it is not stable at that point. It needs more to become a dream.
When daydreaming during hypnagogia, a lot can happen. My dreaming mind is usually trying to distract me by changing the scenery and changing things in my dream. It is OK to let it rather than trying to keep the focus... but it is then hard to stay lucid. This often leads to semi-lucid dreams. With a good chance of regaining the lucidity later.

One more note: My FAs are never in my bedroom. It can be a hotel room, random room, or just trying to sleep anywhere, like on the road. Fragmented low-quality sleep causes this type of FAs for me.

comment non-lucid lucid something else

11 am - accepting a package from a courier, using the bathroom
after 11 - MILD mantra, MILD visualization, continuing with VILD but my brain doesn't cooperate and I can't get it going. 2 fast cycles of SSILD but I can't focus anymore.
My brain continues to VILD on its own and doesn't want to go to sleep - there some part-visualization/part-dreams.

Formula1 racer
I am talking to someone who is a Formula1 racer.
I can't tell if this was a visualization/daydream or a dream. I think I was still active in it but the subconscious was doing a large part.

Very friendly girl
Suddenly a scene appeared. I was sitting behind a table and a girl with brown hair came and sat against me. I was holding a book and she asked if I didn't mind that the authors aren't lucid enough. I answered that I could understand for some of them but not the creative ones (or something like that, it didn't make much sense/was based on false knowledge). Then she got closer to me and started kissing me. I was screaming "this is a dream, this is a dream" in my head but nothing happened and it ended as suddenly as it started.
It felt more like a dreamlet than a dream. That dream feeling just wasn't there. But it was too sophisticated and too long to be a dreamlet. I don't know. Certainly not a fully formed normal dream.

I can't fall asleep.
Checking the time, it's 12 am.
Desperate, I ask my subconscious to just let me sleep.
I think there was some NREM sleep after this. Nothing conscious.

We miss you, Grandma
There is a scene forming around me. I see it forming and my first thought is "I am not visualizing this" and the second "this has to be a dream".
I sit on a bed in a room with the bed, a table and kitchen cabinets. It is supposed to be my first adulthood flat but it looks more like my childhood home. Everything is extremely blurry and quite dark but I can feel it is stable. I touch the bed and feel the texture and the vision gets slightly better, there are two very blurry circular spots in my vision.
There is my dead great-grandmother next to me so I think at least use this low-quality dream to hug her. I hug her and tell her "I love you very much and we miss you, grandma". She strokes my hair and says "My IndigoRose". I ask her if she liked how my grandmother (her daughter) refurbished the flat. She said she liked it but was worried about her. And we talk about my grandmother getting old.
Then I go to the kitchen sink (which is also a toilet?) and help with washing some vegetables there.
It gets blurry again and I touch a chair and feel the grain of the wood. It helps but my vision is weird - with vertical strips of blurriness and with gaps. Slowly, it gets better but I am confused, forgetting where I am. I say "this is still a dream", actually realizing that and clearing my confusion. There is my brother on the bed and because he has heard me, I repeat "this is a dream" but he stares at me blankly and says nothing. I show him a finger in the palm RC but it doesn't work, my finger doesn't go through. I laugh but I still know it is a dream. I do nose plug RC and I can breathe easily. I tell him: "You see, I can breathe" but he is not impressed.
There is a woman sitting on a chair next to the door, she is supposed to be a family member but I don't know which one. She has a big black spot on her face and I wonder if dreams do that.
I don't know what to do, I am thinking about jumping from the window and flying and I expect to fall and wake up and decide that this dream isn't good for trying it. I am also thinking "what if this is real?".
Then I hear my nose wheezing IRL and I expect to lose the dream but it is still stable. I try to clear my nose which I can do and the dream is still holding. But my real nose is still wheezing. I am annoyed by this dream and decide to wake up.
Which I wanted to do anyway in one of my dreams to prove my lucidity to myself. So at least this is one goal done.