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    About IndigoRose
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    Recent Entries

    17 March - We miss you, Grandma

    by IndigoRose on 04-17-2021 at 12:52 AM
    comment non-lucid lucid something else

    11 am - accepting a package from a courier, using the bathroom
    after 11 - MILD mantra, MILD visualization, continuing with VILD but my brain doesn't cooperate and I can't get it going. 2 fast cycles of SSILD but I can't focus anymore.
    My brain continues to VILD on its own and doesn't want to go to sleep - there some part-visualization/part-dreams.

    Formula1 racer
    I am talking to someone who is a Formula1 racer.
    I can't tell if this was a visualization/daydream or a dream. I think I was still active in it but the subconscious was doing a large part.

    Very friendly girl
    Suddenly a scene appeared. I was sitting behind a table and a girl with brown hair came and sat against me. I was holding a book and she asked if I didn't mind that the authors aren't lucid enough. I answered that I could understand for some of them but not the creative ones (or something like that, it didn't make much sense/was based on false knowledge). Then she got closer to me and started kissing me. I was screaming "this is a dream, this is a dream" in my head but nothing happened and it ended as suddenly as it started.
    It felt more like a dreamlet than a dream. That dream feeling just wasn't there. But it was too sophisticated and too long to be a dreamlet. I don't know. Certainly not a fully formed normal dream.

    I can't fall asleep.
    Checking the time, it's 12 am.
    Desperate, I ask my subconscious to just let me sleep.
    I think there was some NREM sleep after this. Nothing conscious.

    We miss you, Grandma
    There is a scene forming around me. I see it forming and my first thought is "I am not visualizing this" and the second "this has to be a dream".
    I sit on a bed in a room with the bed, a table and kitchen cabinets. It is supposed to be my first adulthood flat but it looks more like my childhood home. Everything is extremely blurry and quite dark but I can feel it is stable. I touch the bed and feel the texture and the vision gets slightly better, there are two very blurry circular spots in my vision.
    There is my dead great-grandmother next to me so I think at least use this low-quality dream to hug her. I hug her and tell her "I love you very much and we miss you, grandma". She strokes my hair and says "My IndigoRose". I ask her if she liked how my grandmother (her daughter) refurbished the flat. She said she liked it but was worried about her. And we talk about my grandmother getting old.
    Then I go to the kitchen sink (which is also a toilet?) and help with washing some vegetables there.
    It gets blurry again and I touch a chair and feel the grain of the wood. It helps but my vision is weird - with vertical strips of blurriness and with gaps. Slowly, it gets better but I am confused, forgetting where I am. I say "this is still a dream", actually realizing that and clearing my confusion. There is my brother on the bed and because he has heard me, I repeat "this is a dream" but he stares at me blankly and says nothing. I show him a finger in the palm RC but it doesn't work, my finger doesn't go through. I laugh but I still know it is a dream. I do nose plug RC and I can breathe easily. I tell him: "You see, I can breathe" but he is not impressed.
    There is a woman sitting on a chair next to the door, she is supposed to be a family member but I don't know which one. She has a big black spot on her face and I wonder if dreams do that.
    I don't know what to do, I am thinking about jumping from the window and flying and I expect to fall and wake up and decide that this dream isn't good for trying it. I am also thinking "what if this is real?".
    Then I hear my nose wheezing IRL and I expect to lose the dream but it is still stable. I try to clear my nose which I can do and the dream is still holding. But my real nose is still wheezing. I am annoyed by this dream and decide to wake up.

    Which I wanted to do anyway in one of my dreams to prove my lucidity to myself. So at least this is one goal done.
    Categories
    lucid , memorable , side notes

    9 March - Finally a Lucid!

    by IndigoRose on 04-15-2021 at 12:20 AM
    comment non-lucid lucid

    After waking up, falling asleep doing SSILD cycles.

    I am still doing SSILD. I can see a little bit through my eyelids, just a little bit of light, blue sky with clouds and some grass. I am in my childhood town, close to my childhood home. I am afraid I am waking up too much, ruining the SSILD! I have the idea to use movement to transition to the dream. I imagine walking and then running to a nearby forest. As I gain speed, the forest around me materializes.
    I stop and shout "I did it!" and the whole scene gets wobbly and slightly blurry. I quickly touch the ground, there are stones, dirt and leaves. I am surprised how realistic it is, thinking that people were right about this.
    I remember my husband - I have to tell him when I am back IRL.
    I am thinking about what to do and think of flying but I remember I wanted to try to do RCs in a dream, to see how they feel in a dream.
    For some reason, I completely forget the RCs and continue through the forest until I am on the other side of it. There are some kids. I try to fly but it doesn't work so I change it into a sort of jump but it still looks embarrassing.
    Then I am on a crossroad and the path I wanted to take is closed, probably because of covid and I suddenly have a bike. There are some locals and they look friendly. I 'remember' there should be a path under a house, leading where I want to go. I go there and there are more kids but these are not friendly and they tell their boss about me. I ignore them and continue but then the boss appears and I tell him that I wanted my bike (which was left behind).
    I remember my lucid dreaming skills and try to impress the gang kids, I try to levitate a twig above my hand. On the first try, it doesn't work, on my second try, it levitates 5cm above my hand and it looks like I cheated, throwing it up a bit. The kids are not impressed.
    I talk to the boss, asking him what he wants for the bike and for letting me go. I mention gingerbread from a secret source of it, deep in the forest
    (in my native language, gingerbread is slang for meth but we are talking about the baked type ). It's a secret location only I know and I supplied gingerbread to him from there before. It is a really good gingerbread, he can bake his own, but this one is much better.
    He is unsure about it. Gingerbread on its own isn't enough, he wants me to show him the location. I agree to go there with him at night, so nobody else sees us. At the same time, I am scared because I realize that what I said was based on a false dream memory and I actually don't know where the secret location is.
    Then he tells me something about lemon gingerbread from his grandmother that was almost as good as the gingerbread from Lidl.


    I had my doubts about this dream. The lucidity was very low, at its minimum in the middle of the dream, maybe even not there for some moments. I was also worried that it could be simulated lucidity but I analyzed my thoughts in the dream (like remembering my husband or realizing about the false memory) and I believe this was true LD.
    Categories
    lucid

    1st entry, notes and some interesting NLDs

    by IndigoRose on 04-15-2021 at 12:19 AM
    OK, so I am going to do this, although I am not sure I have enough time to log my dreams twice - once in my DJ notebook and once here (and to translate them into English and make them readable). So I am going to keep this to LDs and the most interesting NLDs.

    As someone with some LDs in past and as someone interested in dreams in general, I am often quite aware in my dreams/of my dreams but at the beginning, it was frustrating. It felt like being stuck in 0 layer lucidity and almost lucid dreams but not getting there.
    Some interesting snippets from these dreams:

    comment dream

    12 Feb
    At the airport, I see a big clock. I have the idea to check if they work. The clock arms point to 2 and 10. I think "People on Reddit were wrong, clocks work in dreams" and continue trying to catch my plane.

    15 Feb
    I don't like how the dream is going (someone's trying to kill me). I pause the dream and think "Really? Does it have to end like this? Can I do something to stop it? No, it's too late." I expect to wake up (I guess) but the dream resumes and shifts to a continuation in near future.

    16 Feb
    In a train, going down a very steep hill, extremely fast, like a rollercoaster. I am thinking: "We are too fast" but also "It will be fine". I know it doesn't matter.

    17 Feb
    I try to use magic against Severus Snape, it fails and I think: "Magic never works in dreams."

    I am with my father in a boat and he misses a waterfall and we go over the edge. I am mad and I think: "We will 'die' and this will end. Or maybe not. Let's see." We are fine after the impact.
    It's like I am almost never afraid of consequences in my dreams.

    23 Feb
    I 'know' this is a recurring dream. Or game. I did this before. I played this. I tell other DCs/players how it normally goes but this time it's different. A bomb explodes later because my friend makes a mistake and we 'lose' and are all dead.

    25 Feb
    I am hunted by some DCs and I use magic to defeat them. This time, I am more confident and I think: "Magic works in my dreams" and I create a force field and it works.
    In my past, I would consider this dream as lucid... but I didn't really reflect in any way on the dream. I consider these dreams semi-lucid.

    27 Feb - Trying FILD
    FILD FA - my 1st FA - I tried FILD but wasn't able to find a good position for my hand so I gave up
    I am lying in a corner of some town square, like a homeless. I think: "This corner is certainly dirty" but it doesn't smell. I have my blanket over me and I am trying to find a position for FILD. I can't find one, so I think: "It is a stupid technique" and go to sleep.
    Later - FILD reality check
    I am awake with closed eyes and I want to try FILD again. I feel like I was doing it for hours at that point and lost a lot of sleep to it. I decide to sit and do nose-plug reality check. I am sitting and my nose is weird, wet and slimy. I am shocked. But I also hear my husband breathe and I think: "This is not possible, I can't be asleep" and immediately, I am back lying, this time really awake.
    I am mad and I think I got no sleep at all. Then I start remembering dreams from the last cycle - the FA and three other dreams.

    In the next entry - finally a LD!
    Categories
    non-lucid , false awakening