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    JoannaB

    Infidelity issue

    3 Comments
    by
    JoannaB
    , 03-05-2013 at 11:15 AM (766 Views)
    In my dream my husband is out of town (as he is in real life).

    In my dream I asked a coworker out on a date, and he happily accepted.

    See this is a perfect example of why I want to lucid dream. This is not who I am in waking life. This is not who I want to be. This is not who I choose to be.

    Yes, I am lonely when my husband is out of town I get it.
    I will also admit that I like this coworker ... as a coworker, as a buddy, as someone to share ideas with and to joke with.

    Infidelity is a big no-no for me, and I also get that my mind therefore decided to present me with this scenario to shock me, to tell me "See I know how to push your buttons." Here is something that would really bother you.

    But we already knew that! We already knew that I am struggling with self-esteem issues and with taking control over who I want to perceive myself as and deciding what is proper.

    This however I know is not proper. And I refuse to think that I "need" this, so subconscious fuck off! I am going to relearn lucid dreaming, and make sure that I get to decide what I do and what is right for me.

    If I am so fucking lonely tonight, why not give me a dream of my husband instead. That would have been nice, ok? But no, my subconscious, you decided to play games with me. Well, I don't appreciate that!

    In an hour I need to get up and go to work and face this coworker, and forget that my subconscious asked him out on a date.

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    Updated 03-05-2013 at 11:56 AM by 61501

    Categories
    non-lucid , nightmare , memorable , side notes

    Comments

    1. JoannaB's Avatar
      I also get that I was participating in a thread on taboos about sex on DV before going to sleep, and that probably contributed to triggering this nightmare. But I did not ask for this!

      Of course, the dilemma is that I have recently discovered how much I hate to be censored, and how this kind of restriction on the free expression of what is on my mind lingers in my subconscious and grows out of proportion and over time small issues become much bigger issues than they should be.

      So part of me is saying to me, pot calling a cattle black. If you suppress this expression of mine the steam will build up and eventually erupt. Admit that you are a heterosexual woman and your coworker is an attractive man, and it is not that it is unnatural for you to acknowledge that on some subconscious level, and if you deny it, this will become a real issue whereas it really is not yet.
      Updated 03-05-2013 at 01:20 PM by JoannaB
    2. AURON's Avatar
      Or you can chalk it up to the prefontal cortex. You know that portion of the brain that controls judgment and reason. It's turned off during sleep and dreams (and on during a lucid) and that's why we're more than likely to do things we never do in waking life. Try not to be so hard on yourself.
    3. JoannaB's Avatar
      Yup, good advice, thanks! I think improving my dream recall and striving toward lucidity is helping me realize how f'ed up my mind is but how normal that is. I am beginning the healing process of understanding and accepting myself more. Not being hard on myself does not come natural for me, but it is definitely a goal for me. I think dream recall, self-analysis, and ultimately lucidity will help me become stronger and enjoy myself more rather than just trying to fight myself. For now I am still very much in self fighting mode: I enjoy winning, but when fighting myself every win is also a loose.
      Auron likes this.