LukeSid

Although it is currently a barren dream time for me (lucid or otherwise) I take comfort that it's less than a month since I had a LD (albeit a short one) I duck and dive my way through my dream attempts (a little bit of this, a try at that) and my naturally paranoid nature hints that I often seem to be blocked at every turn...almost as of some outside force is either toying with me or hinting that dream attempts will harm my health.

I remember a comment by Terence McKenna that his ego screamed that he was dying when he started a new psilocybin trip because it would strip away his humanity and that ran entirely counter to its natural function...that kind of feeling maybe. I toyed with DEILD last week and programmed to wake up much earlier to the dreams-end and got hints of the old “ill feeling” that so distracts from dream-recall and re-entry...and that feeling of dread soon disperses once its job is perhaps done, so is that maybe not real?

I'm doggedly working my way through Ratey's brian book. I've jumped forward...as is my way...to a section about dreams and how the 40hz oscillation ramps back up when REM sleep starts. I determined to WBTB last night and had headphones and a Youtube vid primed to see what happens...and slept right through the night, without waking, till 08.30 (a very very rare event) See what I mean? Mr paranoid.

I'm interested in DMT, psilocybins etc and maybe their effect (even in small doses) on dreams. With my new-found respect for our frantically hard-working neurons I've started thanking them for any dream crumbs they see fit to throw from the table. (that's not my mad idea...I read it here first) Last night I told them I'm up for dash of pineal activity to maybe pep-up my dreams and any cooperation in this matter would be much appreciated. Hey! I'm as sane as the next man! (and the way this World's going that's not much of a recommendation.)

Against the current grain I woke an hour after I went to bed (with just a hint of a dream) then an hour later with a (what is lately) a rare clear and vivid dream fresh in my mind...so much so that I determined to get up specially to write this out.

I'm being pursued by a doggedly-determined but apparently loving female vampire through a neighbourhood (most of my dreams normally not even vaguely menacing) I duck and dive everywhere and I'm looking around for a weapon of sorts. I don't seem to be terrified...just a bit anxious (as you would) and I'm as determined to escape as she seems to be to drink my blood. Come back dear, it won't hurt...much...that sort of thing.

I'm moving towards what I take to be maybe a 19th century hostelry and I can see the landlord? looking-out at me. I get a clear feeling that he's about to close the frontage of his premises (as if he's encountered this before and doesn't want to get involved) Then I wake up. Phew.

I now realise that I didn't feel ill and maybe should have tried for a DEILD lucid but a combination of my surprise at this (nowadays) rare event...and perhaps my understandable reluctance to go back into that scenario thank you very much, I just got up to pen this

So...encouraging. Ever onwards (I must stop saying that) I'll keep reading, experimenting, flitting from one thing to another and reporting back every small victory.

In my last post I was really boosted by a lucid and on a high...back at last. For the next few days I really worked at awareness and every hour I recited "I'm dreaming" and looked around feigning awakening in a dream and doing RC's The trigger was finally working. Result? Nothing...even my dream recall has been flat.

For a few days I began to despair again but I'm back on track again. I'm fairly certain I'm still alert enough to do this...it's just a matter of finding the right combination that finally truly works for me. Apparently neurons need time to organise...that might be a factor. I've felt tired lately...maybe I'm applying too much pressure. Maybe I need a psylocibin kick...carefully though

I know I'm branching out into so many avenues of enquiry and that probably doesn't help...but that's me. I will never truly give up...Ed - kick some neuron ass there's a good brain

It was a short lucid event...as mine tend to be...but encouraging nevertheless (and anticipated). Yesterday, for the first time during the day, I managed to jerk out of my daytime “dream” on about 10 occasions (the “dream” that isn't “awareness”) I usually get so caught up in daytime living that I only manage a few.

I only practiced the awareness for a few minutes each time...looking around, thinking “this is a dream,” noting body sensations (particularly the feet) but the real breakthrough was the fact that the “trigger” occurred much more frequently. Maybe reading about the brain is helping...”use it or lose it” as the book says and I'm much more aware how neurons, axons and dendrites work and how critical it is to stimulate the brain by repetition.

I think I really pushed my brain sections when I first learned the dream routines. I remember how tired I often felt, how sometimes I awoke feeling really ill and (what I called) the “flashing” in my eyes. I now know that neurons were being frantically sequestered from other tasks to cope with my new demands. The basics are now firmly implanted so hopefully, when health problems etc are resolved I'll be even more back on track.

I was dreaming about a town and I had somehow entered a place where I sensed I shouldn't be and I was poking about in some equipment and I broke a piece off. I retreated apparently still clutching a bar of metal and decided to return to the (hall?) and replace it but I couldn't find the place again. That's a major DS for me and might have started the LD process. The dream was more vivid than usual and I remember tossing the metal into a nearby bush then thinking “I'm dreaming!”

By now, I can keep the excitement at a reasonable level and I resolved to look around and not dash off (another first really). Then I thought “RC” (good) and decided to levitate. I had resolved to try 2 or 3 RC's and maybe suddenly change the order (further validating the lucidity) but I'm happy that I full-filled most of my training.

I rose cautiously but started to go out of control a bit so I abandoned that and focussed on a nearby pub. It was beautifully clad in small bright green tiles and all there was a small war memorial alongside it. Then I felt the dream ending. Damn!

I have same old 2 problems...the shortness of my LD's and the fact that they are generally at the top of the night (usually after at least 7 hours sleep + a WBTB). I assumed it was lack of melatonin but I now have 1.9mg tablets which I've occasionally taken at various times throughout the night with no effect so far. I'm going to try 2 tabs one night (although the Spanish chemist was apparently shocked when asked for 4mg tabs and, knowing how even Spanish painkillers are at higher strengths than allowed in the UK, I'm understandably cautious)

Hopefully, the “awareness” trigger is here to stay and I can further extend the periods of awareness. So...a good result for me and maybe a sign of more to come

P.S. I had a “romantic” dream 2 nights ago...not sex...but hey! that's over-rated (I can afford to say that at my age) But, I'd rather have a romance with a good plot than a quick “wham bam thank you DC” but can I have it lucid next time?

Just called in...as I intend to now and then...if I'm still around...72 next birthday.

I'm still ticking over on the dream front with a steady stream of remembered dreams. They are generally pretty mundane (I've stopped verbally abusing ED...he can only do what he can do poor luv) I had a dream about a military plane crashing (and one did 2 months later at Shoreham in Sussex...but I have to put that down to co-incidence)

I've recorded 104 dreams since my last posting on 22nd April so that's 167 days (aprox 1 every 2 days but there have been barren patches and I've done hardly any conditioning. A few of them seemed to hover on the edge of lucidity. One was clearly lucid and I also had what I think was genuinely lucid last night (but woke up this morning to note that I didn't record it even though I woke up)...or did I? But I can still remember my satisfaction at being lucid and looking carefully around (for a change) although I didn't RC damn it! Maybe browsing Dream Views yesterday pushed me towards lucidity...who knows?

It will stay like this for a while yet...I have other things to do and probably need another op (my breathing is not good and affecting my sleep and my attempts at meditation.) As is my character, I'm branching off in all directions...doing maintenance on the house, exploring Buddhism (I'm Zen me) reading up on shrooms and DMT (I'd love to take a trip) exploring diets for dreaming, interested in Adyashanti and Sam Harris, etc bloody etc...so much to do so little time.

I'm (slowly) reading an old copy of “A user's guide to the brain,” by John Ratey and it's fascinating enough to keep me going back to it. We've got 3 brains (suck on that Steve Martin!) atop each other...reptilian (for basic stuff) Paleomamalian (for finer stuff) and Cortex (for the artier-fartier detail)...in a few millenniums we'll probably all look like the elephant man head-wise.

So maybe I need 3 names for ED...Ed, Fred and Super-Ted. Ratey says the brain has great plasticity...my certainly behaves like it's plastic sometimes...sorry Ed..Fred and Super Ted...

I instinctively feel that reading up on the brain will add to my voyage of discovery re LD. I've perceived (and put on record here) that areas of my brain seem to behave independently of each other and Ratey says the brain is “more like an eco-system than a machine and many of its systems are in constant competition with one another all of our lives in a process than the Nobel Laureate Gerald Edelman has called neural-Darwinism”...hmm.

So...ever onward. Eventually (but later than planned) will come a major change of scenery (home-wise) and a more-settled environment and probably a more successful op.

I'll be back! (occasionally)

regards Luke, Ed, Fred and Super-Ted

Throughout (what I percieved to be) a long winter, and despite pressing domestic problems, I still managed reasonable amount of dream-recall. Now that the weather's improving and despite more time spent on preparation I'm getting virtually nothing...and the few fragmants I'm snatching are sooooo boring.

Is my mind going? Certainly I can no longer duplicate the mind-blowing (but ultimately unsuccessful) rushes I used to get when I tried WILD attempts during the day. Yes, I know that isn't supposed to work anyway but, to me, it was a visible sign of something that was maybe potentially powerful just around the corner...and, as such, it was quite a morale-booster. (maybe I burnt the connections out)

I've just had a two week email-tussle with a gas utility company (where I copied in all local papers, the ombudsman and my local MP) and the quality and sarcastic wit of my responses tells me I've still got some of my higher mental-functions...and I won. So why doesn't that reflect in a reasonably memorable dream?

Sure, I've still got health problems...the nose job doesn't seem to have really worked...although this area is so notorious for its poor air quality it will ultimately take my move away to prove that fact one way or the other...and I'm still pressed for time re house improvements.

Is Ed (for the benefit of new readers, he's my brain...I lean towards the opinion that mind and brain are seperates) is Ed trying to protect me from possible bad side effects of LD attempts? It's noticeable that most wake-times are a bit away from the end of REM effects (and the ones that are nearer do tend to make me feel a bit wobbly)

To answer that I'd need to be strapped to a full monitoring-device to record heart, respiration, blood pressure and brain function and they don't sell them in the local chemist (and to install a machine like that in my room I'd probably have to remove the bed...catch 22) in one of my LD's, as the dream ended I swear that I felt my heart-rate speed up but it didn't feel life-threatening.

As I've said ad-nauseum, I'm not likely to ever completely walk away from dream recall or LD attempts... because it's now so intregal to my whole philosophy of life, so I'll plod on, wait for the move, keep trying to move towards greater awareness and let Ed muse on these comments. Send me a sign ED...a dream where the grim reaper (like the one in Monty Python's Meaning of Life) slowly curls his bony finger and points to my heart and maybe I'll listen...or maybe not...



https://youtu.be/4tIg2nK67LQ

Still suffering post-op problems (the hospital said at least 2 weeks of that and it's been 12 days so far) Nevertheless, I've managed to remember 2 dreams in the last 2 days.

The first was so numbingly uninteresting I won't bore you with the fine details...suffice to say I'm a student in a college/uni ?? (My grandson is) I don't seem to be a freshman but I mingle with a group of students (none of whom I apparently recognise.) The plot then revolves around me stereotypically trying to find a way into the main hall, where I'm convinced the rest are assembled. (DS Looking for something and/or lost.)

The up side of course is it would just need me to get back to reasonable awareness and there's Ed continually prompting me to recognise my main dream sign.

The other was a bit more interesting. I'm outdoors and there are 2 women in the distance...one with a pushchair. There's a profound air of menace about these two...evil maybe. (what's this Ed... "Mothers from Hell"?...and why???) I tell myself that I need to face this dream and I will banish my fears. (So I thought "dream"...am I inching towards LD again here?)

I move resolutely towards them, then loads of angels appear...they're clearly not real, just small metallic-looking figures and they're everywhere in the sky. Then the sky clears and the menace (and the demon moms) are no more. This is just not my style...If they'd been loads of Buddhist monks then maybe.

Admittedly I had a glasss of Faustino VII before I went to bed and the dream was at 01.30am (less than one hour later) I've said this before..a glass of wine does seem to pep up my early dreams so I must get down to Asda (it's on offer)

Talking of stimulants my son brought me the melatonin and, despite my still slightly delicate condition I risked one when I did a WBTB after the mum's dream. Result...nothing...zilch...bugger all...slept like a baby. When the time's right I'll try 2...and a Faustino chaser.

2 days after nasal surgery (Septoplasty) I feel like my dose has been laid on an danvil an dammered over. Any dreams? Defidly not...fad chance of dad ad de momend...why am I writing like that? It's only my talking that's affected.

The good news is my son has managed to get me some Melatonin while in Spain...Britain being the complete Nanny State it is. When he told the pharmacist I wanted 5mg he was horrified "Far too much Senor" He would only allow 1.9 mg (I have high BP so that's really for the best...I'll start with half a tablet, taken occasionally and see how I go)

So, after I recover I'll hopefully have better breathing and a little help from our friends...to infinidy ad beyond!

Ed, you old dog you!...my first full sexual encounter and at the seaside! Talking to your brain clearly works..although I didn't ask for this to be honest...

Nil points for my chat up line...basically, it seemed to be "what do you reckon?" The first recipient of my deathless prose was a large woman who seemed to have piercings. She apparently didn't reckon and became very loud and angry in her objections..a relief really because piercings are definitely not my thing.

The next lady certainly seemed to reckon and we peeled away in search of a suitably secluded area...down a dark alleyway, sharp turn right and up a bit to a grassy knoll...hold on...weren't we on a pier? We immediately got down to it...foreplay was clearly in line with my seduction techniques...non-existent. Then I made the mistake of looking down...

My member had full marks for length, but it was like a thin black tube. Presumably, as with hands, the brain just doesn't do any extremities very accurately (particularly length). The sex was disappointing...but then I've read that somewhere before. Don't take offence Ed, it's not your fault...you just need to get out more.

Then, as often happens in my dreams, I'm suddenly somewhere else and trying to get back to where I was before. (major D/S i.e. searching, lost, looking for something...then, aren't we all?) It should have been easy... down the alley, sharp right and up a bit but no...the scenery shifters have clearly been hard at work.

The rest of my dream involves me wandering aimlessly about. There are now multiple hillocks with trysting lovers atop...how does a pier hold all that dirt and grass? Finally I get to what I think was my grassy hillock and I peer upwards...but there seems to be a party going on up there...and I woke up

I'm not making this up...it was a clear dream (A good sign for me because it represents a step in the right direction.) I'm not that disappointed in the poor quality of the sex because I just know I'd get hooked and I have other priorities...and once again, thanks Ed you're a diamond and I'm glad I'm coupled-up to you...in the platonic sense of course...

Better...albeit just 2 small, mundane and slightly odd dreams recalled. Thanks Ed...you threw me a couple of bones.

My boss/teacher? (DS) tells me "look up dieters." ??? I scan through a large journal and apparently find some references. (D/S looking for something) I tell my boss/teacher...adding "It should have been entered in the index."

My boss (DS) and I are wrestling with a long roll of computer-printout paper. I mean really fighting... this paper must be made out of carbon fibre or something. Eventually I tear through the paper (where's the physics in that?) and he presumably falls backwards (if the physics is working at all) You know, I really felt as if I'd won a major disagreement...small victories.

I have a handful of dream signs and that's a good thing I think, because they invariably pop up and surely increase the chances of lucidity when conditions are right...which they're not at the moment.

Not much but thanks Ed...it shows you care.

Currently, my dreams are thin, distant and hard to grasp…is it all slipping away from me? Of course there are distractions at the moment…work I have to do, health problems, maybe I’m losing some brain power as well.

But, given some loss of name recall (I’ve always been like that anyway) my higher functions feel as sharp as ever… I think in depth, about many things, my writing is improving (albeit that’s also on hold right now) I have two more part-completed novels just waiting for me to resume and I have no feelings of writer’s block.

But, at present, I can’t afford to get bogged-down in that…or my love of xbox gaming …which I’m still convinced altered some of my brain function just before I started trying for lucidity in mid 2013 because I had some very vivid dreams (plus two mind-blowing hypnagogic visions)

So…not encouraging at the moment. But why would it be? Given that it requires a fair degree of nose-to-the-grindstone determination on my part (because that’s the only way it seems to work for me at my age.) I just can’t give that level right now.

Down-hearted? Nope…not really. Everything’s just a bit distant at the moment but only just slightly over the horizon and what else can I expect right now? The main thing is that I don’t intend to just walk away from LD…I’m just ticking-over right now. I’m still looking for shortcuts…I have moves afoot to get some melatonin soon…I’m trying to clean up the pineal gland by diet and avoiding water pollutants like fluoride…OK that may just be a red-herring but it’s worth a try.

It’s now 6 am and I’m back to bed. Perhaps the next dream will be closer…or maybe the one after that. Ed...can you hear me?

71 dreams recorded in 111 days and just 2 lucids…that’s my record since I backed away last August…that doesn’t sound impressive but I’ve done very little dream-work since then. The things that really work for me are lots of walking, whilst contemplating the Universe and running through the mantras, dream signs etc (viewed from a distance I maybe look like someone on day-release from an institution.)

But I have a workload and some deadlines and health probs and it will stay that way till later this year…so I not going out much this winter. But I am thinking (always too much thinking…not really good for awareness is it?) It’s my way to explore all possibilities.

How to maximise awareness…are there shortcuts? Still using pre-recorded mantras etc. For later use, I’m amassing paperwork on Buddhism, meditation, the mind, melatonin, DMT, “shrooms”…that’s another co-incidence…as well a using “lucidity” in my first book I used the word “shrooms”…I’m 99.9999% sure I hadn’t researched either yet they’re in the book and now I’m really interested in both.

B6, choline etc doesn’t seem to work for me…maybe beetroot tabs help but even that’s not certain…red wine imparts a certain “richness to my dreams (happy days!) My lucid events still only occur at the top of the morning (after 7+ hours of sleep ) and I take that as a sign that it’s maybe poor melatonin accumulation during the night?

I take comfort from the fact that I seem to have got over excessive excitement when I hit lucidity and I’ve finally put my self-doubts to bed by doing three successive reality checks during my last lucid event (plus I stabilized a wall, after my hand went through it, just by willing it to feel solid.)

But I’m still off, over the hills and far away, after the preliminaries (I must look at everything, taking my time to explore the absurdities of dreams…) I got over-confident and took to the sky for a short wiz-round which maybe brought my dream to a premature end...that’s me, I have the will but I currently lack the stamina…I actually felt my heart speed up as I was coming out of it…is that a normal side-effect of the end of REM?

Maybe my dream efforts will kill me but I can’t think of a nicer way to go (well…I can but that’s not for delicate ears like yours…)

…and that’s very appropriate as it turns out. Despite some reservations about this site it’s never out of my mind and I always feel drawn back to it.

This is not a good time for me and lucidity. We’re due to move some time this year, I’m working at getting our property to its best state for maximum equity and I’ve still got health problems.

It’s difficult to become LD with breathing problems, headaches and the other distractions so I’m merely ticking over at present. I do hardly any preparation, no long walks and precious little awareness. I’ve only had 2 LDs since I left but that’s OK because I’m still ticking over with dream recall…I’m not going forward but I’m in a holding pattern.

…and that should change this year. Hopefully a new coastal home, an operation due shortly and no more work, work, work. But I have ambitions beyond lucidity now…my dream interest led to melatonin and that led to the pineal gland, DMT, Rick Strassman and reincarnation.

It all chimes so much with me. I’ve always been looking for answers…the main dream signs for me are looking, seeking, where am I ? what am I doing? Religions aren’t for me…I find them too tribal, too caught up in dogma and ceremony. But Buddhism has always intrigued me.

Most of Strassman’s theories are still unproven but there’s enough in it to draw me in that direction. My own dream experiences tell me that, beyond the “adventure” side of dreaming, awareness is everything. Without that (unless you’re one of the few lucky SOBs with natural chemical advantages) we aren’t really going that far.

Without awareness, we could be riding an elephant down a High Street full of pixies and aliens and be blissfully unaware of the insanity of all that until we wake up.

We live in a mad World and it’s getting madder by the minute…and it might also be a dream anyway…better structured of course, tighter plot, more sophisticated CGI…but perhaps a dream nonetheless.

I have pressing reasons to up my awareness big-time because, if the Buddhists are right and we do reincarnate…and their offer of a way out is valid, then I want out…and, at 70, time isn’t on my side.

Big changes afoot now …then nose to the grindstone later this year…back on the dream track, bags of meditation, long coastal walks…maybe even join a local Buddhist group. No shaven head or robes for me though…orange doesn’t go with my eyes.

Till then I’ll log a batch of dreams occasionally and I’ll see what develops. Ever onward.

8.20
I brazenly walk into a power station - DS (well Ed's version of a power station...all large dark spaces - DS) A women at the entrance looks suspiciously at me but I brazenly carry it off and I'm gone like the grey old shadow that I am in my dreams.

I flit from area to area through a maze of pipes (which, if I had only become lucid, probably didn't even connect to each other) I dodge workers (DS)... even the 2 who are conducting some sort of obscure data-gathering exercise within inches of me.

I lay perfectly still in the gloom as one works literally alongside me, apparently unaware of my existence like you get in corny TV adventure progs...early Dr Who episodes were notoriously bad at that (the actors must have had tunnel-vision.) I enjoyed this dream.

So...I instruct my brain that any workplace or fellow-workers are dreams signs "because I'm old and I simply don't work anymore...it's ridiculous"...and how does my brain interpret that? It sends me into such places covertly I'm undercover so it's alright to be there.

It may just be my foxy old grey matter but I clearly have to choose my words carefully because, like Oscar Pistorius's defence council it latches onto any loophole in my instructions...anything to avoid triggering the magic words "its a dream" Of course it might just be that I'm currently as aware as a lump of granite.

I'm already cautious about the sheer volume of night-time instructions...keep it simple...now keep it unambiguous...boy do I need some little sweeteners. I was researching Ayahuasca (which is apparently an "MAO inhibitor" what wouldn't the Americans have given for that at the height of the Cold War?) Don't think I'll bother with that...the last things I need are inhibitions.

Avanti!

3.00AM
I think it was supposed to be Vietnam (certainly a far East dream) Apparently I'm a POW and I look out of my window (no bars Ed...where's the reality?) onto a river that looks suspiciously like the Thames (clearly Ed's using stock film)

A large US ship is steaming fast in my direction and I slip out of the window carrying a pillow (as POWs do) I ditch the pillow once I'm in the water and swim frantically (like a 70 yo can) towards the approaching vessel. It doesn't slow and I fear it might run me down but apparently I'm rescued (along with 2 Far Eastern women...who they were and where they came from I know not)

As we're being led away the Captain shouts to me "And don't let them fist you." What??!!

I often ponder if there is mystery in dreaming or whether it's just the mentally-challenged part of the brain routinely turning out schemas. The dream that showed hands (but showed them bandaged) The conversation about dreams (within a dream) The glorious part-view of the river-valley The teasing about being gay (I'm not and the teaser knows I'm not...that's me surely?)

I was going to do a late morning WBTB but an injured wood-pigeon in the garden put paid to that. Still trying for visualisation, still doing ADA, still thinking of shortcuts. I managed to remember to RC before getting up this morning...and I counted the pillows just to be certain.

Love it...It would be nicer with some lucids of course but what the heck...I'm still interested.

10.45AM
A dream where I decide I was going to fly...and I did. There was a group of (mainly) elderly women gathered in an open area near my "friends" and I apparently decided that they were somehow threatening my friends.

I asked them and they said no but I wasn't convinced. I flew around the group at head height and tugged at the (woolen) hats of some of the women (such violence against what looked like a gathering of the local Women's Institute...is no-one safe from my killer-lust?)

Cut to me singing a song (I think it was an original tune and melody) called "Would you like to live in my house?" If I was younger and back in the group it would be on my tape recorder by now. (it was in the 70's)

So...apart from a middle-of-the- night dream that I firmly decided I could remember without struggling out of bed to write it down (and which I've now forgotten...except I know it had the DS "looking for something") it took me over 10 hours to get that dream.

It's clear that I probably won't get lucid again in a hurry...maybe the original 3+ months if I'm lucky. Sure "a little help from my friend" galantamine might speed it up but I can't justify it to my wife. So, on I go trying other things.

I juiced some raw beetroot last night (won't do that again in a hurry...my kitchen looked like Sweeney Todd's) I blended it with apple and grape juice and it tasted like...apples and grapes that had been lying in a ploughed field for a few months. Back to the beetroot tablets.

My age clearly slows me down but I'll plod on and, this time round, I've (so far) avoided the dreaded "ill" feeling.