spellbee2

I’m on the set of this new Jeopardy-like show. In fact, the set, podiums, and everything I see looks a lot like Jeopardy. It’s even hosted by Alex Trebek. The show is all about lateral thinking, and requires the contestants to link two completely different topics through a chain of related topics (kind of like the game show Chain Reaction, except less wordplay and more actual general knowledge). I was playing along in the audience for a bit, doing absolutely horribly. Then, I for some reason get selected to be a contestant. I’m incredibly nervous, and sure enough, I do horribly. My opponents are flying through the categories before I can even think, and though I do manage to get a few answers, I get completely blown out of the water.

The show finally ends, and I’m very eager to leave, as I feel like I’ve completely embarrassed myself. I make it outside the building, where two of my friends are. They tell me not to worry about it, it wasn’t really that bad. I look over to a TV next to me to see that they’re doing the scene at the end of every episode where the contestants stand and awkwardly chat with Alex about God knows what. Shoot, I think I’m supposed to be in there. I quickly run back inside, but the set is now completely devoid of people. The scores are still showing on the podiums, serving as a not-so-subtle reminder of my horrible performance.

I go over into the next room, and see Alex Trebek and what I assume are a few producers reviewing the footage from the episode. Alex has now changed out of his suit into a pair of navy blue sweatpants, a Dallas Cowboys sweatshirt, and a blue baseball cap. I find it slightly humorous, since he’s usually incredibly professional and fancily dressed. But not wanting to watch the tapes of my failure with them, I continue to move through the building.

I stumble across a couple kids who look like they’re in junior high school. They instantly recognize me from the game show and start to mock my poor performance. I try to tune them out as I keep going, but they follow shortly behind and continue to heckle me. The scene changes a few times, and each time they’re there doing something to me, either picking on me, messing with my things, or just generally being annoying.

Finally, I’m in some kind of park by a river. I’m running up this hill to find these kids with a firehose spraying a large jet of water into my open car. I run and try to grab the hose from their hands, but they run away while continuing to spray everything. I yell that there’s incredibly expensive equipment in there, but they don’t care. I’m finally fed up. I slam my hands into the ground and shout. “ALRIGHT, LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE SH*TS!” I feel bad at first because I don’t usually cuss, but something about this seems right. Maybe a little too right. I suddenly realize I’m dreaming.

The kids still aren’t paying any attention. I close my eyes and build up the rage inside me until it starts to burn, literally. I let out a huge scream as my body combusts, and a bit of a shock wave comes out as my entire body catches on fire. I look up. They’re definitely paying attention now. Terrified, they start to run, but I run after them, seeking my revenge. I catch up to each one of them and teach them a serious lesson. I slam the first kid’s head into the ground (it sounds a lot worse than it was), and then kick the second and third kids into the river.

After the dust settles, I sit the kids down in a couple of lawn chairs and explain to them why they should stop acting like a bunch of stupid brats and actually get their crap together. I don’t remember exactly what I said to them, but they seemed to pay attention and receive it well. Also, I may have still been on fire, so there’s probably that too. And then I wake up.