Suena

Took a 4 or 5 hour nap earlier, if you call that a nap. Feels like I woke up in a different year. Anyway. I'm getting brief flashbacks of my dreams from then.

I remember my mom and dad were babysitting my son[W] (my mom had just left with my son before I fell asleep.) I was hanging out at home when my mom and dad call me and then they appear outside with W in my dad's arms. My dad has this extrememly worried look on his face as he's handing W to me. W seems fine except he's got a bright red scar on his forehead. My dad tells me that he hit his head really hard, so I yell at T and tell him to hurry that we needed to go to the hospital. Flash to the hospital and the doctor's telling me he's okay and that there is no brain damage. I am thankful but still pretty upset about it.

My son, W, appears a lot in my dreams, maybe I can use this as a dream sign. But I'm worried what these dreams mean when he's always getting hurt and everything's always okay in the end.

Hmmm...

Still pretty vague on the recall, but I tried to write a few thoughts about my dreams this morning when I woke up.

I was with about three other people, one of them was T. We decided to take some mushrooms and trip balls. After we had taken them I realized that me and T still had our son with us and we hadn't found a babysitter. I started to freak out a little. One of the other people, a girl who felt familiar, was angry with me for something I had done (I don't know what it was.) It felt as though I had done something morally wrong (taking shrooms) and/or it was like I had violated some social norm that she felt strongly about. I don't believe the girl was anyone in particular but a representation of a personality type I clash with on a major scale.

This fragment sort of combined itself with my workplace. The girl had made me so mad by her being so harsh towards me that I decided to quit my job. I also remember one moment where I had walked back over to where she was sitting and sat down; I had this strange image of myself, like my reflection had flashed at me (kind of like cameras do in movies when there is intense dialoge* going on.) The expression on my face seemed remorseful and even though I was still angry with her, I was trying to patch it up. I don't remember saying anything to her.

And about the shrooms, I had been expecting to trip and was scared about tripping while taking care of my son. But I didn't feel any strong prescence of the drug's dreamlike effects. I felt different, but still sane. I remember thinking at some point that the shrooms didn't work so we'll be okay. And something about putting our son to bed anyway.

That's it. Hopefully if I keep trying this pen and paper thing I'll recall more dreams. Also I think what really helped was I had my hand hanging off the bed as I feel asleep and I fell asleep holding the pen hoping it would serve as a reminder while I was sleeping and for when I woke up to write something down. Kind of like taping two fingers together to fall asleep consciously, I don't know. And the dream hadn't come to me right when I woke up or within the few minutes I layed there, but it came in the middle of getting ready for work. Just a few thoughts for myself.

EDIT: Another interesting thing, when I got to work this morning, one of the girls I worked with made me have an extreme flashback of the feeling in my dream and of the girl in my dream.

I must be really tired lately because I cannot remember my dreams. This has never really been a problem for me, now it's really bothering me. Anyway, I only remember bits and pieces and nothing is in order...

I had another baby and it was amazing. This is really pissing me off though, all I can remember is a house and me being partially naked for some reason, it wasn't exactly an unpleasant feeling but T is with me somewhere.... I just keep getting vague flashbacks... =( I guess that's all for now, maybe it will come back to me...

I listened to Really's Ultimate Lucid Dream mp3 last night and I really enjoyed it. That person has some talent, because it sounded like something I wanted to get high and cruise to. (lol) Anyway, I tried to just listen and relax, but I did end up falling asleep towards the end I think. And I guess that kind of says something about how tired I was or how good it was because it was only like a 13 minute song. I had also watched the subliminal video before I listened to the mp3.

I don't remember becoming lucid, but I don't remember most of the dream. The things that really stick out is I had a daughter also who was actually older than my son by a few months it seemed, but that's impossible. My son had reached over and they hugged eachother and it was really cute. I was trying to find a place to sleep in our house while my fiance told me he'd watch the little ones. I remember grabbing my son's infant seat hoping it would be comfortable to sleep in, lol.

Next thing I remember is being at my sister's mother-in-law's house. I was trying to find something. I had parked my car on the street and recognized a few girls across the street but I have no idea who they are now awake. I remember trying to be nice to them but they seemed a little hostile. I think they were hostile because of some part I can't remember in the dream. I do think I flipped one of them off who I do remember in real life, but I'm really not sure if she was over there. It's complicated.

Anyway, I went to walmart cause I had to pick up some things to build something. For some crazy reason, there was this dog with me who really liked bubbles. I had accidently taken his leash off in the store and he started to run towards the bubble section. I started to run after him and catch him but thought it would be wiser to run to the bubbles and meet him there before he gets there. Which worked. I got there and I held a bottle of soap in my hand and he got there and immediately sat down, waiting. I squeezed the bottle a bit and little tiny bubbles came out of the top and he enjoyed it. I put his leash back on and went back to buying supplies.

I returned to the house and met my brother-in-law there. His dad was lecturing him about fixing something or recreating some cd. I told my bro that I'd help him out with the project and let's go to walmart. He complained that we didn't have a computer but I did have on in my car. On our way out to my car those girls were getting in their car getting ready to go on a trip. The blonde before she got in the driver's side mentioned something about me being a cunt. I calmly walked over to the door and said, "hey" she tried to ignore me but I got into her face and explained very plainly that if she wanted to call me a cunt then to look in my eyes and call me it, but not with her head turned. Then I went on to say that I suggested she shouldn't be such a bitch. Her friends laughed and she rolled her eyes and as she started to roll up her window (which went very slowly like it was broken) I told her and her friends to have a good time wherever they were going and then pointed at her again and said, don't be such a bitch again. lol

What's funny about this whole dream is it was another one of those that I felt I was consciously controlling but not aware that it was a dream. Glad I could remember even just this bit. My recall's been dry the past few days. Honestly, I think it's too much THC. I might try to not smoke for a week and see how it affected my recall.

The dream seemed to last forever. I think I got to the middle of it and that's where I pick up on remembering. We're in our trailer house, with our son who is 5 months. It's how it was when I went to bed an hour ago, but my son had just learned to crawl and he was crawling around everywhere and picking things up. There were people in our kitchen for some reason, and it's really late at night, and they're all playing some kind of RP board game. But they won't talk to me cause they are "sticking to character" which was kind of pissing me off. anyway, my dream is creepy and for some reason it feels like the world is ending. I'm feeling really scared. My fiance and I are standing by the door which is shut but unlocked and our son is on the floor next to me. We hear a woman's voice talking to someone and they're right behind the door. I locked the deadbolt then and stepped back from the door. She said something about me locking it and I grabbed my son and walked toward the hallway. (I was feeling so scared, my eyes are watering just typing it.) I started telling my fiance, come on, let's go to bed, they can't get in. He seemed amused by the people trying to get in our house.

Then I remember the people all got up to leave and went to the back door, I was being really sarcastic towards them and I said "Oh, they'll sit in my kitchen and have fun but they won't even say goodbye." I started cursing at them and yelling, they weren't too happy about it but kept to character anyway. They went out and I opened my front door, the women were gone and it was sunny out. The people had come around the house this way and I was still shouting at them and they started cursing back at me. I walked back in the house and noticed we had a screen door, which we don't have in waking life. I notice a couple of jungle animals run by, then a smaller giraffe and a tiger running side by side. The Tiger though, unlike the giraffe, was enormous and ferocious looking. I told my fiance to look at this freaking tiger but he acted like it was no big deal and kept playing on the computer. The tiger picked up on my voice and started to stalk over to the front door. I started shouting at my fiance saying he's coming for us, but he still just sat there, in shock. I had a few pens in my hand. The tiger came inside and was walking towards T who was paying very little attention to it. I threw a pen at it and it seemed to annoy him, I ran around T towards the knife set we have but before I could make it the tiger was staring me down in the face.

Quite literally, the thing was on top of me and huge, the size of a fucking rhino. It was right then that I had realized I was dreaming. I thought about waking myself up, then decided to face it. I reached up and as I did it gave me a confused but still very ferocious look. I started scratching his nose and trying to play with him, for a split second he seemed like he was still going to tear me apart and I almost thought the dream was real and that this was the end of the world. Then all of a sudden this enormous tiger was an enormous dog and it started licking me. After it morphed, of course, I felt extreme relief, but I also decided this dream had been too much for me and I woke myself up on purpose, which is pretty much the first time I've ever wanted out of a lucid dream, especially after I had JUST become lucid. As I started to force myself awake, I saw other creatures' outlines forming and I think one was a dinosaur.

I went to bed with the intention of becoming lucid, but it didn't work. However, I did dream lots and lots about marijuana. My friend J and I were trying to get high. We drove somewhere, found my fiance and his mom and we smoked. Then all of us had to be very careful driving home, I guess I was a little drunk too, cause I was worried about the cops cause I'm underage. There were cops pulling people over everywhere for the littlest things. They must've been bored, is what we thought.

The next thing I remember was my fiances mom asking us how we decided to get married.

I had a dream about this guy that's always been a total douchebag to me. He wanted me to call him so we could talk about an unresolved issue. He was living in a garage. The strange thing was he wanted me to call when I heard a certain song on the radio. I can't remember the song, but it was very familiar. I heard the song come on and I called but I hung up on him cause I figured he was just going to criticize and harrass me like he always did.

The second part I remember, me and my finance were almost completely naked and what we were wearing were not clothes, but we were trying to sneak down the hallway from one room to the end of some house. We walked by a bedroom with a bathroom in it and he told me to check it. I woke up.