lucid

I had been dealing with this dream for some time before I became lucid. There was so much going on, it is hard to pinpoint exactly what was happening. I was running around my house with only a bra and these pants that were decked out in some 80's band name that I cannot remember. There were already people there, but this girl was really short (shorter than me and I'm 5'1). This girl was somehow like our maid, or something. She was really young and about my age. She was just hanging out around the house at the moment, but there were boxes everywhere in the house making it REALLY hard to manuver throughout.

Then suddenly my hubby comes home and me and this girl had been joking and playing, I can't remember what we had done, but I told my husband that "this girl is trying to kill me!" I was joking. The girl was playing along. I'm starting to really wonder who this girl is to me. She seemed like my best friend, but I had never met her before. She was so nice and sincere. Anyway, we were saying our goodbyes and I was extremely sad to see her go. I told her we'd miss her a lot, and she was crying as she was leaving. We hugged for an awkwardly long time and then she left.

Soon, the house started piling with people I didn't know who were celebrating something. There were two guys in the hallway pointing guns at eachother. Mind you, I was not lucid yet, so that made me incredibly nervous. When one guy wasn't looking, I snagged the gun and distracted the other. The guy I had stolen the gun from was chasing me saying "Hey, give that back, I need it." The other guy was also chasing me saying to give him back the gun, lol. Weird0s. I ended up throwing the gun outside and they chased it like dogs.

I went back into my bedroom and the whole arrangement of the bathroom and my bedroom were all different. The bathroom was quite large and the bedroom had a lot of my personal items in it, but it wasn't right. I felt like that girl in the movie "The Labrynth" lol.

That's when I did a reality check, which, surprisingly I always check my hands now. It's so easy to do. That's where the nub check comes in. I looked at my hands and saw a growth of a finger coming out of my thumb, just a little nub. Even though I was done with the reality check I continued to stare at my thumb a few moments longer. I laughed and my hand would shrink and blurr.

So I'm lucid now, and I go back through the house. Yes, again, first thought was sex. (I'M NOT A PERVERT I SWEAR. but being a girl, sometimes, you just aren't completely satisfied in that area... you know what... screw you, I don 't have to explain myself :p) Ahem, sorry. So I continue through this house and the first guy (one of the guys that had the gun earlier) was really hot. I made a gesture to him with my hands and he looked at me disgusted. My first thought was that he was gay and I shrugged and continued on.

I ended up circling around the house, I went out the front door and found my hubby underneath the porch. It was like the whole "cool guys stance" thing at parties, I don't know. I giggled at his coolness in the dream and reminded myself to pay attention to more details. It was so hard though because there was so much I wanted to do. I did pay attention though and saw that it was lightly snowing, and you could barely see it. It looked more like dust.

So I go down the steps and look over and there are about a dozen people out here, the majority of them in blue jock jackets, football players I assumed. Suddenly I felt naughty for preying on these men, but it drove me more. Surely, I figured, there would be one guy there who wants to bang. I walked around the corner of the house and suddenly felt like I was in some kind of fantasy land.

The first thing I remember is that girl from earlier, my friend/maid/dream guide?, but she's not just short anymore, she's miniature and is running away from me. She looked like a little thumbelina and tried not to step on her, haha. She crossed my path and that's where I came to a strange occurence. There were three neon green bunnies (they could've been another fluffy critter) and on top of them lying down was some kind of miniature teletubby creature. They all looked so soft. The teletubby had been startled by my sudden approach and started wimpering, scared. One of the bunnies told the teletubby it was okay and soothed it back to sleep.

Ok.. so after this strange part, I wandered a bit behind the house and there were giant headed dolls. They were all like older women who had once been famous on tv. Oprah was one of them. Her and another one were looking at this new doll's face and they looked disappointed. "Her?" I remember one of them saying, as if the girl wasn't classy enough to join their collection.

So I turn around cause I don't really like what's been happening in that general direction. On my way back I decide to sneak behind these bushes that ran alongside the house. I peeked my head over and just then a football player in red this time passed. He saw me and backtracked. I looked up again and he was in front of me. He had found a little clearing in the bushes and surprised me by sticking his crotch in my face area. (Yes he was tall...) He wasn't that cute, but at least he wanted to. He kind of reminded me of this guy from the X-Files, Krycheck? anyway.

I lead him around back the house again as we look for a place to do it. We get inside the middle bedroom of the house and shut the door behind us. The house is still really cluttered and it's hard to get around, so this took us a few minutes to get here. Finally we were though and I started to take my clothes off. Then I heard a strange sound in the bathroom. I opened the door to the bathroom and didn't see anything so I shut it again. Then I hear it again and this time I recognize it as my son's baby talk. I open the door again and search with my eyes, but I don't see him. That's when I looked behind teh door I had opened. He was standing there crying and afraid.

I picked him up and apologized over and over. I knew I was dreaming, but I felt bad anyway. I can't neglect my dream son, can I? Anyway, his eyes were really red and he was itching them. My first thought was that he got something in his eyes so I rushed out the bathroom to where that guy was standing and waiting. I pushed him aside and grabbed my phone as I headed out the door. Even as I was calling 911 I knew it was a dream and there should be another way to fix it. Emergency services answered but I hung up trying to figure out how I could help him.

That's when I woke up. Like I said there was a LOT going on, so I tried to use detail when I could.

I'm a little confused about this WILD thing, but I think this is my second time doing it. It's not quite like I thought it would be.

Anyway, I laid down on my couch about an hour ago and simply closed my eyes, thinking about lucid dreaming. I tried to keep them closed and not pay attention to what was going on around me. My fiancee had come and sat down beside me for a moment, when he realized I was asleep, he went and turned on his video game. I wasn't sleeping just yet, but I didn't want to be bothered.

Soon I was having strange thoughts that only made sense for a second, and I was getting vague images. I think I noticed I was asleep when I felt my fingers tingling. It was still blackness in front me. I reached my hand up and lightly brushed my face. The sensation was amazingly real. I thought for a moment I was sleepwalking in a way, but I quickly shut that thinking up because usually, when I start to worry about my body making movements in my sleep, I wake up.

The first thing I really remember doing is sitting at my computer and pushing my fingers through one another and my head. It was so weird. It made me start thinking about energy, like, how people feel energy when we're not asleep.

This entire dream I basically explored my house and it was really fun. I live in a trailer, so, you might be able to imagine the layout. We have a really long hallway and fake wood paneling throughout the house. I never went into the kitchen in the dream, but I walked down the long hallway that leads to mine and my fiancee's bedroom, where my son was sleeping.

I suppose in my head I really felt like what I did might affect my awake fiancee and son. So I chose not to go into the bedroom for fear of making him wake me up in real life. When I did get to my bedroom door though, it wasn't there. There was a strange cut out shape of a door, but no door to go through.

I could've still gotten to my bedroom had I went through the bathroom joining the hallway and our room, but I turned around and went into the middle bedroom instead. I was surprised to find it completely empty. There were pieces of yellowish white tape on the wall, in little X's and stuff.

I went back to the living room and my fiancee was laying on the couch. I tried having sex with him. It was normal until I got to his pants. His penis was... like... the size of a baby's penis so I quit because it was disturbing, lol.

I wanted to go outside, but like usual, I had trouble getting there. I didn't want to try the door for some reason. I think I tried going through the ceiling but quickly stopped because I didn't want to wake up.

I had a false awakening. My fiancee was playing his game but everything was dark like it was nighttime. I asked him "Am I still dreaming, baby?" He shook his head. I just kept asking him, "are you sure? I think I'm dreaming. Am I dreaming?" he kept saying no.

I didn't believe him so I looked at my fingers and counted an extra thumb. "You jerk," I said, "I am too."

Just then I noticed the window behind the T.V. (doesn't exist). It was pouring what looked like rain, coming through hard. I got up thinking I should close it. When I got up though it was suddenly snowing inside my house. When I got a close look at the snowflakes, they were tiny music notes. It was so cool. I also saw equations.

This is pretty much all I can remember right now. It didn't last too long, but long enough for me to start getting the hang of my own dream world.

When my son finally took a nap around noon, I decided to do some reading for my Government class. However, our government is very boring, so I shut my eyes instead.

I'm pretty sure this is the first real WILD I've ever had, because about five minutes after I closed my eyes, I was still staring at blackness but something didn't feel right. I was sleeping, I knew, but I could hear T still playing his video game. Soon people from the game Skyrim started to appear (T's game) and I wanted to have sex, plain and simple. I've never actually gone through the whole process of sex in a dream, so it's something I've wanted to try. In the past, usually the people I try to have sex with disform and it's disturbing. If there are levels of lucidity like some people proclaim, I do believe I was more aware than usual, because I could remember my lucid dreaming goals. I just didn't feel like doing them.

Anyway, these people appeared but I was losing lucidity, everything kept going black when I tried moving around. I thought I woke up maybe two or three times, but I'm still not sure if I was even awake. Each time I would close my eyes again and I'd instantly be back in the dream.

The Skyrim people were gathered in some kind of church doing service. The pews were full of people. I was walking down the aisle thinking to myself about why I was having this kind of dream. I was scoping the place out for a sex partner. I realized that all of the people were old and mostly women. Everyone had turned and got on their knees in the pew, like doing a prayer. I decided to take advantage of a guy that was on the end of a row. I came up behind him and groped him (lol). He seemed to be shocked, I mean, it was church. When he turned around he was ugly, so I said fuck it and abandoned my goal to have sex.

I "woke" up again and quickly shut my eyes. I found myself sitting at my computer playing the Sims 3 (yes, I play the Sims, occasionally.) I wanted to try a different way to control my dream. I figured what better than a computer game. I got up real close to the screen and I seriously tried to do the "Blue's Clues" thing where Blue "scadoos" (we can too!) It didn't work, lol. So I tried to enter the screen directly. I put my hands up to the screen and they slid through. I got my whole body through the computer screen, but it was still like I was sitting at the computer, it was just a more 3D-like view. And I could see in my peripherals (spelling?)

I wanted to try again and crawled back through the screen to my chair. I gave up.

Then this girl I used to go to school with, M, showed up. Her voice was really weird and manly. I didn't know if I was dreaming for a minute so I checked my hands. I kept counting six fingers on each hand. I told M to count her fingers. She did and gave me a horrifying look. I laughed and said hey, it's okay, it just means we're dreaming. She actually believed me, unlike the usual DC people who say that they're not. I told her we could do anything. My kid woke up and started crying. I knew it was a dream so I said, "et's go outside, trust me, it's much better outside." he asked me what a bout the kids. I said my mom was coming over to watch him. I opened my door and my mom came inside. I took M outside and woke up.

So that was my little adventure.

No lucidity yet during this break. I have been enjoying my dream time though. I suppose I do have moments of lucidity that I can hardly remember. I just get brief flashbacks randomly throughout the day. I love those feelings.

During these brief spurts of lucidity, sometimes, I am just lying there and everything is beautiful like an acid trip. I smile and my body begins zooming through some sort of portal (you could describe it as). It's such an amazing feeling. I may not be fully lucid and able to prolong and actually do things, but I know I can still do it when I'm ready to start again.

I wish I was like some on here that can become lucid every night, any time they want. Props to you guys and your contributions to this awesome community of dreamers. It's been a year since I've joined and not a day goes by that I don't think about lucid dreaming. Motivation is always there, it's time which is the problem.

I've always been interested in lucid dreaming since my accidental lucid dream when I was 11 or so. It's always been a goal to become better at it. I always felt kind of weird for it though because I didn't know anyone else who was practicing this. So it was an off and on interest throughout my teen years. When I found this forum I was hesitant about joining and posting. I was welcomed with the warmest greetings and made some awesome friends who share a passion for dreaming and all other things expanding consciousness.

I guess this post is really just to shout out to the community. I’m still here and checking in.

To business—here’s a glimpse at my dream life as of late, not any particular order or dated either.

The first dream I want to share here is yet another alien dream. =/

I was living with my two sisters and my sister’s husband. My oldest sister, D---, was asleep in the bedroom with her husband and I had come home late. We were all living in my house, but it was hers. Anyway, it was late and I snuck inside. I went to the bedroom and crouched down behind her bed, smiling. I have no idea why. I began to hear someone at the door and knew it was my other sis, De----, coming home late also. I ran down the hallway to greet her, knowing I’d probably scare her. I went around the corner and ran into her and we laughed. Then I saw something move behind her. It was really small and I feel like if I hadn’t said anything, then nothing would have happened. But I did say something, “Whoa, what was that? Did you see that?” She had no idea what I was talking about. I shh-ed her and turned her around to look. I pointed at something in the dark and suddenly it ran around the room and towards us. It was really short, maybe a foot high but I knew it was alien. I can’t remember any details about it because it was dark, but it was wearing a cloak, and suddenly I find myself thinking about Nibbler from Futurama. It was really scary, though. We freaked and moved forward in the dark to spot it again. It had run around us and was standing to my side. I was so scared I woke myself up.

When I did wake up I woke up gasping for some reason and really freaking scared. My fiancé woke up and had to soothe me for a minute. Alien dreams reallllllly freak me the fuck out. Pardon the language.

After describing that dream I’m having trouble recalling other ones, except for last night’s, which was just weird and uninteresting. The main mission of mine in the dream was to find water, tea, milk which is the usual dream content when I drink (tequila in particular) the night before. And some girl wrecked my strange little car. I didn’t care, I laughed when she did it and then I told her to get me some sweet tea from Sonic. Ha-ha. And that is all for now. Keep dreaming friends.

I didn't get much sleep last night. I remember one dream and pisses me off. I "woke up" on my couch and instantly knew I was dreaming before I even looked around. I knew I was dreaming because I could feel this dread and I want to say "fear" but it was just a heavy feeling, being in the dream. I've been wanting to become lucid, but when I was presented my chance, I didn't actually want to be in the dream. I was irritated rather than excited.

The second I was lucid I got up and walked to my front door; already wanting to wake up. I don't know why I went to the door, but I guess in the dream I knew it would wake me up if I opened it; so I did, and woke up.

It's like my dream-self doesn't want to be lucid. I felt completely different about lucidity when I was in the dream than I do in waking life. Any thoughts as to why this happens? Is my subconscious telling me that I don't need lucidity right now, but sleep? That is how I interpret it.

[Two finals down and three to go; wish me luck.]

I probably could remember my whole dream, but I'm too tired to try.

On the other hand, it was really fucked up and I woke up gasping (you could say..)

I was being chased by a creature that looked very much like "Bigfoot". We were in a jungle, and I knew there were other bigfoots around too. As I was running, I noticed that I could push the trees down as I ran. This helped me get where(ever) I was going to a lot faster. I had just lost one bigfoot and then one appeared not far in front of me. I tried to hide but he saw me and started running at me.

Instantly, I was fed up and out of options. I knew I was dreaming at this point and I didn't think about what I should do. Instead, my fear and anger took over and started growling. I raised my arms above my head and I grew about triple the size of the beastly foot man. Suddenly I was on top of him, choking him, hold him down.

The next part is disturbing, so I'm going to stop there. Really don't want to think about it anymore.

Side notes: I think I've been more aware throughout my day. I really feel a change in the energy of my dreams. I just feel like I'm becoming more in tune to my dreams, because sometimes (most recently) I feel like I'm playing a role. It's kind of like I know that I'm dreaming, but I'm playing along with the script. I can't say that I've been "lucid" though. I was lucid in the last dream for a moment to know that I could control it, but then I began playing along again.

The things I've been doing differently are listening to binaural beats (gamma and beta) for a while during the day, and my choline intake has increased.

So, I'm very excited for a break from school and looking forward to my dreams over the next month.

My dreams have been the most vivid lately. I don't think I've been doing anything different except choline caps every now and then. I only take a couple every few days, but my dreams have been so strange.

I've been having a few alien dreams lately, not UFO's, but aliens. I've had at least 5 in the last month and it's always me encountering an alien of some sort. Some are hostile and others are subtle in their intentions. I've noticed that I become more hostile when I encounter them and also I become more animal like. For instance, I start hissing like a cat giving a warning. I feel different when this happens, like I'm semi-lucid.

My dream from this morning: I was in a house I used to live in before I graduated and my ex was there. I was hanging out with him and confessed to my fiance that I'd been talking to him a lot. He didn't mind because he admitted that he was talking to his ex, too. (god knows.) - This made me wake up really missing my ex, whom I run into often between classes at the college. I didn't see him today, which is probably best. I miss him but I don't know where that feeling is coming from.

Anyway, I was hanging out with my ex and he and I were talking about school and then I got this feeling that something was happening. I peeked outside my (former) bedroom door and even though there was nothing visible, I could almost see a spiritual prescence. I got paranoid and later I found myself in a mall. I can't remember what I was being attacked by (mall ppl, thx Bill) but I got caught up in a mob of either zombies or alien beings who were trying to kill me.

Now, I'm not religious really. I come from a southern baptist background and my dad is practically a preacher, but I don't consider myself to be of any religion.

However, in my dream, in the middle of this mob I stopped and started praying. I was saying to myself, "God is on my side." and I don't remember really thinking of a particular god, but I assume... anyway. As soon as I prayed, I lifted off the ground and began soaring to the (very high) ceiling. I think I became lucid midway and felt really happy and in control. I woke up and was late to class.

I always tell people like I've read, the best interpretations of your dreams come from you. I always keep this in mind, but I've noticed a theme in these dreams and it definitely has to do with what I think about during the day. My dad read me a scripture from the bible (whenever I talk to him about lucid dreaming, which surprisingly he finds interesting but who wouldn't?), the scripture goes: " And it shall come to pass in the last days, saith God, I will pour out of my Spirit upon all flesh: and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams." What this really means, only God knows, but it stuck with me and the aliens and all of this I find somehow connect.

I'm not saying I think I'm having visions, but if anyone has any thoughts on what I've said about ANYTHING. That'd be wonderful. Sorry for the bad grammar. Sometimes my thoughts get ahead of my fingers.

shit. =) I'm so excited, I just had several lucids and false awakenings within a two hour period! I guess MILD really does work, two a few days of it! Too much happened in the dreams, but this was the most LUCID I've ever been. I finally could clear my vision and really communicate with the people in my dreams, even though none of them seemed interested in talking to me =(

I'll give you the highlights! My favorite part was me and a couple of friends were in an apartment building going UP and the elevator was tuggin along slowly and we were all looking at eachother wondering if it was about to give out. Sure enough, it started falling slowly at first back down, I told them not to move too much and as we neared the bottom, or after so much suspense, I was like WAIT A MINUTE. I put my hand out flat in front of me and willed the elevator to stop. It stopped and then I started pushing us up towards the top, but I told them to crawl out this window real quick just in case.

Another part I'm at my house and a bunch of family is coming over. I knew I was dreaming when my uncle showed up, cause he would NEVER come here, I doubt it anyway. He walked to the door and handed me two bags of trash that have been sitting on our porch for a day. (No, really, it's our trailer trash... =/) Anyway, I rolled my eyes and noticed it was all wet outside, I grabbed the trash and said "I was JUST getting ready to take this out." I go out of the house and sit down by a puddle of water. Just enjoying the lucidity. Looking around. Unfortunately I can't remember what I saw. Anyway, a lot of things happened, but I'm gonna quit right here. Just saying MILD was a SUCCESS.

I was up for about an hour and a half with my son with the intention of trying a WILD whenever he took his nap. I browsed the forums and read a couple WILD tutorials and threads. Also, drank half a spark, which is an energy drink, but I was hoping it would help me maintain consciousness. It has about 500mg of Choline, and significant amounts of other vitamins. Hit the bong too. <3

So I lay down and I'm pretty relaxed already. I tried holding tension in my arms first and released and to the legs and feet, then my neck (which I find is hard to do.) I felt even more relaxed after doing this. After a few minutes I started to do reverse blinking, trying to keep my eyes relaxed and not force them open, eventually I noticed I had stopped blinking altogether and my mind was clear. I saw a few images and something disturbed me, I felt something crawling on my leg that I absolutely couldn't ignore. I decided to flip over to my side and shortly after I found myself in an unnatural darkness. I had my head between two pillows (really comfortable, imo.) I knew I had to be dreaming, but there was nothing in front of me. I tried to make the room as I remembered it appear and started to see the outlines but it faded and I was awake. I changed positions again and moments later I was on a bicycle headed uphill. There were at least two other people in front to my right and I passed a girl I know and was wondering if she should be riding pregnant, but even when I passed her I had a little lucidity. I wasn't exactly lucid to control what I was doing, but there was definately a difference. As I started to go up a steep hill following the others I passed a dip in the road, which I thought was going to be a little harsh, but I ended up gliding right along with the curve of it. Then as I approach the top of the hill, the others are at the peak, I realize how dangerous this is. I was waiting for a car to pop up, but it didn't. I went over the hill and the others had all gotten to the right because there was a curve going to the right behind a cliff, I couldn't see what was coming. Though I wasn't afraid really, and that's why I think I was semi-lucid. I was going to fast to go to the right side of the road, so I went along the left side and was prepared for an oncoming car, but I didn't see one. I got to the bottom and I was all the way on the shoulder of the road, opposite from the other riders. I woke up.

I changed positions again back to my left side. I think this is where I truly KNEW I was in paralysis. My right foot had gone completely numb, and I could hardly feel it. Then I felt it lift in the air and I knew what was happening, but that's when it felt like someone was pulling the blanket off of me and trying to pull me with it. My stupid ass thought it was my husband trying to wake me up, for a moment I knew what was going on but then I made myself wake up just to be sure. I even shook awake.

I think I'm getting closer if I keep trying, and this is the most success I've had, if you call it success. It's definately progress. Any more tips are welcome, tell me if I did anything wrong, or something else to try? Thanks for reading.

Tried to WILD. I got my body into SP, or just about. I was like this for an hour before I turned over to just sleep. I kept getting a small vibration in my ear at every small sound I heard. Is that normal for you guys? I've felt it before trying to enter SP, does anyone know what that is?

Anyway, rolled over and had a dream. I was at some kind of cook-out family thing at my moms house. My cousins were there, and my sisters. I had my son and T with me. I was going in and out of rooms. I saw my oldest sister in one room, and she was kind of acting like she used to when we were living together. Like her teenage self again. I remember seeing my other sister, but she was being stand-offish, like me a little. My oldest sister, I'm not sure how she was doing this, I can't remember her really saying anything to me, but she seemed to be trying to pry at me like start a fight. Kind of acting like I was having a bad attitude and she was going to make it a scene, I don't know.

So I was getting kind of pissed off and wanting to leave. In my head we had been there for a couple hours already, so I went into the living room and saw my mom on the couch. It took me a second to focus on T sitting next to her, I raised my eyebrows (something we do when we wanna leave someplace) and he nodded. We started to get W's things together when my mom was kind of like, "ahh are you leaving already? I'm cooking chicken, don't you guys wanna eat?" I told her it sounded good, and I sat down on the couch. I started ranting to her about how D, my oldest sister was being. She didn't really listen, and T made it look like we were going to stay and eat.

I went outside and for some reason there were people standing at a stop light next to their car. They actually were dancing to some techno in the middle of the street. It looked like fun and I went and joined in for a bit. Then I'm walking back to the house and there's an election going on, something for the city.

Everyone's in these pews and the little electronic voting things are behind this pulpit or w/e. Everyone's getting seated, my sisters and mom and dad are in the back row. T's voting in the thingy. I get up to go talk to him. I've got W in his carseat and I'm carrying his bags. T comes out from behind the thing and we're looking for somewhere to sit. This old man pats the pew next to him and I laugh for some reason. Then we notice an newly empty pew and we sit.

There's a comedian of some sort on the stage thingy and he was being kind of funny. Apparently he had some of his friends down in the corner at the front and they were laughing all annoyingly giving their friend shit. I got a close look at one of his friends and it looked a lot like the cable guy. Ugh.

Then I'm outside again and I was getting outa my car for some reason, going back inside to see T and W. I take my seatbelt off and my shirt comes off. I get out of the car before I realize I'm only in my bra. As I'm walking back to my car, this girl comes out of a clothing store, she's dressed really preppy and my first thought was, she got the job. Then she says something a long the lines of "I've already dealt with enough dirty whores today, please." I was shocked. She was walking toward her bike rather quickly now. I started following her, still in my bra, pissed off. She seemed a little scared and I asked her what her problem was. I grabbed the bag that was in her hand and slammed it down. She almost got to her bike, but I beat her and pushed it over, getting in her face. I was so ready to tear her up. She moved and started walking away from the bike. I picked up the bike about to throw it at her, I ended up sitting it down. I was going to go inside, but she said something else to make me mad. She was on the ground, not sur ehow she got there, but I kicked her really hard in the belly.

As I did I saw a cop go by on a street about 10 feet away. I hurried and hid in the entrance of the place where T was. I saw the cop pull in. The girl was still on the ground where I left her. I almost went inside to sit down, but I figured they'd find me and it'd make a big scene. So I stayed put, but I was really scared and hating myself for what I did. Then I hit denial. I said fuck this, this is a dream and I made myself wake up.

I went back to sleep. I was at my moms again, same cook out. I was standing outside with my cousin, so I thought, then he started yelling at me. Then I'm inside with my mom and she tells me she needs to show me a video. It's a video of me and it was telling me about "all the drama" I cause in the family. I couldn't believe that she thought of me like this. One term, brightly bolded, like they were trying to sell the damn thing said "Dramatic Darkness" is what it called me. My mom was almost in tears, like it was some kind of intervention thing. I gave her a really disgusted look, angry because I knew her and my family absolutely didn't understand me at that moment. I got up to leave and she said if I left then me and T would have no place to stay anymore. (I don't live with her, I have no idea what that was about.) I said, "That's great mom, reject your daugther and your grandson. You know, mom, W is all I have now." Then I gave her more attitude, mockingly, said "yes I know this is more 'dark drama'!" Then I was going around to grab all the stuff. I went into the kitchen and I didn't leave, I cried.

Before me and her got into it, me and T had also had a fight, I just can't remember much about that one.

Also, I can't remember if the following bit is from my nap or last night's dream, but I remembered something else.

Being on a bike path of some sort with my friend A and she was guiding me around it.

and there doesn't seem to be anything I can do to save it.

My reality resides in my dreams...
and this is the nightmare I wake up to.

Lucid.

I guess you would call this WBTB. I was trying to call asleep consciously and it kind of worked, my husband almost interuppted me because he came out into the living room to get something, but he said something and I'm pretty sure it was real. I was in the middle of transitioning into a dream. He walked off and as he was walking down the hallway all I could see was darkness but I felt different, felt like I was hovering.

I knew it was the beginning but I couldn't get anything to really form, I did for a minute and I instantly started rubbing my hands together and I shouted clarity for the first time in a dream. It faded though, I don't understand this. I almost lost it and woke up but at the last second I decided to sit there and wait in the dark and that's when I was suddenly in my house. I can't remember much, but I got up from the couch and I think I said something to the dream, like be vivid, lol, since clarity hadn't worked. It seemed to work. I went to the door and turned the knob, it came open, much to my surprise and I shut it behind me as I stepped onto the porch. Then I jumped back like Spiderman to give myself a boost off the door and started to float, but I ended up grabbing onto my house and climbing on top. I knew the roof would only be hot if I let it, and for a second I was trying to feel it's warmth. I got up on the house and woke up. The whole time outside was very vivid and the sky was a dark yellow, but very vivid. The sky as I approached the roof was different somehow, I just don't remember why it was.

Ok, so after this lucid, I had a dream. Kind of a nightmare for me.

I can't remember every detail... but I was called into work at McDonalds, where I used to work while I was prego. I quit though and now I work at Wendys, anyways, I was working both jobs I guess, and this was my first day back at McDonalds. The manager was talking to me like she wanted me to come back for good, but I told her I could only work Thursdays and Fridays (The two days I don't work at Wendy's.) I had driven a moped to work, and I do remember doing this and leaving T at home, but when I got to work I wondered why I didn't just take the car. This is when some weirdness happened. I kept flashing back from being home to being online to being at work, all the while, having a huge fight with T because he wanted to sleep with other girls. I was very emotional in this dream.

There was a moment when I was at home and sitting on the couch scraping up a bowl of coke, cocaine. (I've never done this in RL.) T was talking while I was doing it, telling me he was going to this town and fuck some girl named Tex. He wasn't breaking up with me, he just wanted to fuck someone else. I was so pissed I picked up the bowl of coke and I had been putting baking soda in it, for some reason, anyways, I picked it up and slammed it right into his face. He couldn't believe it and I felt so bad, started apologizing, then I told him he needed to flush his eyes out with water, this worried him, he got up immediately to do this. We both went to the sink and were flushing our eyes with water.

After this, the girl showed up and was walking around and talking to T about all the things they were going to do together, while I was there. At many points, I told T I was leaving and he went into the bathroom and started throwing out my make-up. I followed him into the bathroom and not even a second after he'd walked in the entire bathroom sink was clean and glistening. I told him I WAS going to clean that eventually and he just scoffed.

There were these video tapes that this girl had brought with her, and she had rented them, hoping T and her would watch them together. I decided to hide them after debating on whether I should destroy them. I started hiding them around the house right before they walked in the door. They were talking about this place they were going to go. This is all I remember about this part.

Way on earlier in the dream, I was at my house, which was also a store called Third Planet (actually exists.) My friend J shows up to sell some clothes, he seemed hesitant when I answered, I was like come on in, and I finishing a cig. He comes in and sits down on the couch. Just then I see a mouse run from the closet door. I freak out and tell them and two of the guys that were hanging out, K was one of them, was going to kill it. I told him if he killed it I would beat his ass, told him to let him outside. He went over to the mouse and almost smashed it, but I stopped him and then he opened the closet door and there were three more mice, I started to scream. (Mice in real life don't scare me, Idk.)

Well, wish I could've remembered all my dreams from last night, but I just took this nap and this is all I could remember.
From last night, I keep getting deja vu though about the dream, just these feelings from it keep popping up like flashbacks and fading real quick before I get a glimpse of anything tangible I can actually write down. I just keep thinking about this Tall man.

Ok, so hopefully as I'm typing I remember more. I woke up at like 5:30ish and just thought about lucid dreaming as I fell asleep. I became lucid in a dream later, it was strange how I did because I was in a bedroom and was about to go see someone and I was thinking in my mind, well this is a dream so it shouldn't be hard to find them, and that's when I realized what I had just thought and was like hey... I don't have to do anything, I'm dreaming!

I'm surprised I remembered reading the Task of the Month for May, but I could only remember the basic task and I could remember the catch a ghost task from last month? I think. Anyway, there was a light in the bedroom, two of them actually. They were hanging on the walls and I decided to try to move it with my mind but it wasn't working. I was squinting and focusing as hard as I could but it wouldn't move. Finally I told it to move in a very commanding voice, and I tried to believe it would move. Then it started hovering towards me.

I got bored with it after that though and I can't remember how I got out of the house, but I was walking down the street and I saw this graveyard and a house in the middle of it. I remembered the catch a ghost task and realized that one was over so I didn't even try. A lot of the dream is vague to me now. Ohhhh, and I made sure to feel everything like constantly so the dream wouldn't fade. The walls, the carpet that was in the house, and my favorite was the grass.

I decided to find a man. I got in my car for some reason, didn't even think of flying. I drove out to this house and there was a man, who looked a lot like this actor that I can't think of his name. The guy who played Ferris Bueler in Ferris Bueler's Day Off, but he also looked different, and a lot less scrawny very attractive. The thing was, I didn't wanna just force myself upon my DC because in the past, that has led me to very disturbing sex stories... I decided to sort of court him like get him to like me first.

I had first seen him in a truck with, I assumed, his little sister and he was pulling into his family's driveway. It was strange because the house was back a ways from the street and there was this sign with weird electrical wiring, like some paranoid freaks lived there. Thats when I realized it was his parents house and his dad might be in the military. I walked up to him as he got out of the truck and asked if we could talk. He told me he had to go to work, but I insisted and so he invited me inside to meet his folks. I go inside and I realize the house is freaking adorable. There was the living room and a small opening/hallway to the kitchen and in that opening on each side a small hallway that leads to a bedroom. At first I tried to get the guy to show me to his bedroom, lol. But he's still in a hurry and so his dad, who sounded really hoarse like he smoked to much, was barely a whisper, decided to show me the house.

He showed me one hallway and I pretended to be interested but I didn't wanna lose the guy. I listened to his dad, but I can't remember what he was saying, when I heard another car pull up outside. I got outside to find a woman sitting in the car, waiting on the guy. Apparently it was his girlfriend. Somehow I convinced the guy to let me drive him to work and he finally said ok. The girl seemed pretty pissed off at me. The guy eventualy turned into my husband at one point on the way there and I looked over and told him I really liked him. He seemed flattered. When I got him to his work, he let me hug him but that was it.

I realized that I had wasted too much time trying to get laid. So I got in my car and was about to drive, when I decided to fly instead. I got out of the car and woke up.

Can only remember feelings from my dreams last night.

I had two lucids this morning that made me forget my dreams before them.

I tried rubbing my hands in both of them to make the dream more vivid, in the first one I just started flying around upside down and couldn't control it really. I wasn't flying anywhere in particular though, it was just black nothingness. Woke up...

The second one, I remember rubbing my hands as soon as I became lucid, I was outside and everything started to become more vivid when I started but it faded fast. I think I tried to fly but I sort of just bounced, like you see people doing when they're "on the moon."

Alcohol is no good for recall, and I think I'm going to quit and get serious. Because I bet I would've remembered my lucids a lot better if I hadn't drank last night.

It was storming outside, pretty intense-like. I was going around the house shutting the windows as rain was spraying in and making the curtains go crazy. That's all I remember from my "nights" sleep if you can call it that.

Then I went back to sleep and I was upset, everything was how it was when I fell asleep. A bunch of girls that I hang out with occasionally showed up in PJ's, they were planning a sleepover at my house, which I didn't expect. T got up and we weren't talking cause I was angry with him and he was angry with me. He was trying to get his car up and going so he could go celebrate, he said later that he was celebrating his birthday a little early, and he was mad at me for making plans, I guess. The girls were all hanging out, my house was a mess and I told them we should go get movies later, thats when I went up to T and asked him to just stay gone tonight.

Then I'm with T at the lake, same dream as above, and everyone's tuning into this stupid talk radio station. They're telling everyone to call and answer questions or shout out their opinions and everyone is calling. The station people were there too, in front of us, and there were guys acting clever for calling and watching their phone call. I remember thinking it was all stupid.

I became lucid in my house and when I had fallen asleep this time, Alice in the Wonderland had been playing on my TV. I became lucid, and was angry, I pulled a gun out and started shooting the characters on the movie. Then I said fuck it and tried to fly through my window, part of me doubted it was going to work, I got through the window and there was nothing on the other side, I woke up with my eyes still shut. Then I had to get up.