Suena

I knew it was time for a nap so I shut off the game that has been keeping me up at night and laid down on the couch. Everytime I lay down for a nap during the day I'm always reminded of becoming lucid in my sleep. If I keep it up, I could really get the hang of it.

Anyway, I shut my eyes and it really didn't take long before I felt that occasional buzz in my head (you know, that strange vibration as you're falling asleep, usually when your body is falling faster than you).

At first, and since I was intending to lucid dream, I tried to rush it a bit. The hypnogogia was crazy intense. In fact, I'm not sure if what I"ve had before was even hypnogogia before now. I remember seeing skylines and something else I can't recall. I remember something brief about my video game. I was creating a sim but it was so faded, the picture, that I couldn't see it. I began saying to myself that I was lucid and I was dreaming and it did seem to help, but then I said enhance and it acted like it was going to for a second, but it was too soon. I realized it was too soon and that I needed to ride the hypnogogia out a bit longer before I could dream.

I brought myself back to my waking state for a few minutes.

I sort of scolded myself for letting my mind wander to the game. What a waste.

I closed my eyes again and thankfully, within seconds I got the vibrations back quick.

I tried to be more patient the next time. I started to get that hypnogogia back again but then I started hallucinating voices. I was hearing my son and it sounded like he was getting up. I should've known it was my mind tricking me because I forced myself awake to check and see if he was up. (It can be hard to do this kind of thing with a kid in the house, I'm always afraid I won't hear him and something will happen).

Awake again, I assured myself I would hear him if he really got up and closed my eyes again.

This time, I snapped right back into the vibration/hypnogogia state.

I began my mantra again "I am lucid. I am dreaming" and it started sounding like I was whispering into a microphone. It almost sounded like one of those self improvement mp3s with voice suggestion. I kept repeating my mantra.

Then I started to hear a man's voice. I was going through so many thoughts following this point, so I hope this makes sense.

I was still repeating my words, but his voice cut in and said, "Just give me five minutes of your time." My eyes are watering right now because, I don't know, I felt like someone was truly trying to tell me something.

His voice was old and at first, he sounded like Stephen LaBerge, but then I thought maybe, just maybe, this was God. Finally speaking to me.

Right after he spoke and I realized it might be divine, I got images. I can very scarcely remember them, unfortunately, because at the same time I got the pictures, a Tool song started. It was clear as day. Eyes are watering again.

I was in such shock.

Maynard began to sing. I cannot! For the life! of me! think of what song it was. Maybe it'll come to me later.

The lyrics, of course, were changed though. They were speaking directly to me. He sang maybe two or three verses before I woke up. I heard every word, but I can now only remember two: Regression, and annoying.

I understood it then, and I still feel like I understand it now, but no longer in word form, only the feeling I got from it.

God, I tried so hard to get back there again, but my son DID wake up. And I had gotten too excited that I couldn't fall asleep again.

I remember as the song started that I was thinking, shit, I need to write this down, but I can't leave?! I think that's why I only caught three verses and woke up.

IT was an amazing experience, even as short as it was. This journal entry doesn't even give it justice and I really didn't even want to type it in here, but I felt like I needed to.

From now on, I will take naps during the day as soon as the kid's asleep. If my subconscious is finally going to come forward and talk to me, I need to be there, because I truly am one screwed up little girl in my head...