Thread: JoannaB's workbook

My son got over his nightmare I believe since by morning there was no mention of it, and the next night going to bed was not an issue. Kids are resillient.

His method of handling dream characters he does not want in lucids is generally to point the finger at them, lift them up, and send them flying backward at high speed. And actually that is also a reality check of his, if he can cause people or things to fly off, he's in a dream. Not the most sophisticated dream character handling, but it works for him, plus he is seven years old so I am kind of amazed at what he can do already.

Anyway the problem with this nightmare was that he genuinely believed he had woken up, and the zombi followed him, so definitely either a hypnopompic hallucination or a false awakening. But as a result he did not use his lucid trick because he was not aware he was still dreaming. And I can totally understand how that would be scary. I assured him that there is no way that the zombi could have actually followed him, that sometimes dream elements still appear as hallucinations, when we think we woke up, but actually are still between sleep and awake - not really awake but think we are, that it was in his mind only, but that I know it was scary.

I let him spend some time in my bed, especially since my husband was away and there was room. When my husband came home, he woke our son up a bit, and had him relocate to his own bed, which our boy did without objecting to and only half awake. And that's the end of that incident.

While I do not remember my nap dream, I woke up from my nap thinking about chat and feeling sad, which alas is not good news because I can as a result extrapolate that the dream most likely was about the IRC politics.

Could it be that I am finally beginning to overcome this depression? I just read and greatly enjoyed Linkzelda's anonymous confessions thread, and it reminded me that in some ways DV is like a giant cluster fuck for the mind, and that secretly that is what part if me really enjoys about it - why have I been fooling myself into not realizing that, and making myself unnecessarily miserable. And so, I am back to being amused, at least for tonight, and I feel like I have turned a leaf for the better. Tonight I want to dream in Linkzelda's comic book format, that would be an awesome dream!

While I still had no recall, but for the first time had the sense that maybe the dreams I do not recall were not nightmares after all.

Baby steps...my current mode of thinking is to remind myself to do as much as I can without burning myself out...so I take baby steps on some days and you also seem to be progressing...sometimes slow and steady is useful.

A dream recall thread reminded me that the last time my depression was this bad when I snapped out of it slowly the first dreams to return were the ones early in the night. I would wake up with intent and get a fragment or idea from a dream - some of those ideas felt like maybe they were from NREM dreams or something, and that they were not really fragments but actually the whole thing: just one sentance or concept - for example: "dreams are like pancakes" or "Is seasonal hunting immoral? No." And that's all there was to those early dreams. This dry spell that I am experiencing now feels different than some of the others qualitatively, so maybe I should work on intent and hope to get an early night conceptual dream like that again.

Joanna, let me know if I am being annoying or intrusive... Have you seen this: http://www.dreamviews.com/dream-sign...reams-try.html ? If you find you recall too much during the day to make it burdensome, just pick out a segment of the day to recall.

Fogelbise. I am enjoying your responses. I can't talk for Joanna though. I think that you are helpful.

Of course I enjoy your responses, fogelbise! I like interacting with you and others, and if I did not want interactive responses to my workbook then I would have put this stuff in a diary on my phone instead of posting them here. I am an interesting mixture of introvert and extrovert - I maintain that I am an introvert because I need to have alone time to decompress and regain energy, my husband however who is even more introverted than me claims that I am an extrovert because even when I am "alone" I am chatting with people online.

Anyway, good idea about the waking life recall. Ok, I'll try it here today, and see how that helps:

I woke up about 20 minutes before the alarm. My husband was in a bit of an amorous mood. Then I drank coffee and took some decongestant - darn that lingering cold. My younger son was so excited because today was pyjama-day for him at his preschool. I did a lot of the usual routine stuff, and it was already almost late to leave when I remembered that my housekeeper is coming, and our place is in worse state than usual, so I did some cleanup and did some dishes. Then I took our younger son to his preschool while my husband took our older son to school. I was late to work, but it was not a big deal. My boss called me into his office to talk about something work related, but we also wound up talking about clothes because both of us were wearing something old but favorite. A lot of my work day was occupied doing some tedious monotonous task, but I kind of welcomed it as refreshingly non-stressful. We also had a meeting to declare a part of a project a success, so it was a good day at work. I must admit that I logged into DV chat while still at work, but I was waiting for a process to finish on my computer, so surely that's excusable. I met BrandonBoss and dutchraptor and several other in chat. After work I picked up both boys and we got home almost at the same time as my husband did. I made dinner for a change, usually my husband does the cooking. Dinner was delicious if I say so myself. Mostly pre-prepared stuff but a good variety: there was beef, sweet potatoes, rice, cranberry sauce, bread, Munster cheese, and a vegetable stir fry. During dinner we had some quality family chat time. After dinner had treats. And now I am enjoying a nice after-dinner break. That brings us up to the present.

Not the most exciting of days, but it's been an ok day over all.

Edit: I just realized why you may have questioned whether I enjoy your responses: I need to remember to "Like" responses that I like. Also when I am depressed I do tend to be less good about responding to others so while I would enjoy reading what you wrote but my own comments tended to be a bit self focused, I fear.

That was a nice detailed entry! I had to chuckle thinking that your housekeeper should appreciate you. Too considerate (if there is such a thing)! It really gave me a sense of a nice, close knit family...sweet. I hope the day recall helps you with your dream recall tonight...either way I recommend trying it for a good week if you aren't sure whether it is helping. No worries about the likes...besides, if we "liked" absolutely everything we came across it would lose any meaning that it may have previously had. It does sometimes feel like I am jumping into someone's private diary...giving me a little doubt on when to chime in at times. Being self-focused during bouts of depression is completely understandable and this is your workbook after all, so no worries there either.

As you can see from this dream journal entry my dream recall is back, yay! And thank you fogelbise, you clearly helped!
Huge feast - Dream Journals - Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views
I was amused to see that one of the foci of my waking day summary here was dinner, and my dream last night definitely had a dinner connection. Although I think my dream takes the dinner symbolically, to show a different point: I think this dream is about my self improvement efforts and how to reconcile it if there is a difference between my own vision for myself and others who are trying to help me improve - and fogelbise that is not about you, since I find your suggestions helpful, but it is more I think the general concept of own vision driven versus accepting suggestions from others which may contradict my vision. My parents, my husband, my boss for example all at tes have ideas that may at times conflict with my vision for how to improve. Especially my parents can drive me up the wall with such suggestions. When I am depressed or not at my best, I am likely to push away their helpful advice even when it is actually good ideas, but if it is coming from them and I am in a non optimal state, I will rebuff them. So I think this is the kind of underlying theme in my huge feast dream with altercation with a caterer.

That is great! I encourage you to continue the day journal even if you aren't sure that is what helped last night at least for a good week or so...whether it is entered here or in a private journal.

Originally Posted by fogelbise

That is great! I encourage you to continue the day journal even if you aren't sure that is what helped last night at least for a good week or so...whether it is entered here or in a private journal.

Reading your day journal the next day, when you are trying to remember dreams, is a good thing, because you might find what sparked the dream.

Ok, so today was another good day. (Edit: after rereading all I wrote below, I am thinking that it was not as good a day as yesterday though for a number of reasons - room for improvement for tomorrow.) It started out with dream recall return woohoo.

While I was in the shower I told my husband about my dream and about fogelbise's suggestion of day journal to help with recall, and how writing about dinner yesterday I believe was in part responsible for my dream. My husband said "That's great, then in order to have a flying dream, you just need to write about your experience flying that day." Out of some reason I thought that hilarious and laughed out loud, and that felt good. I also told my hubby that fogelbise agreed with him that I am being too considerate to the housekeeper, and my husband said that up until then he was not sure what he thought of this fogelbise person, but now he can clearly see that fogelbise is very wise. As I was getting dressed I sang Morning Has Broken, and I got it almost just right so soon I will have memorized it fully.

My older son had lost his hat yesterday on the school to after-school bus, and he misplaced his gloves somewhere at home. I told him, I don't have an endless supply of hats and gloves, you know, as I found another one. As I was taking my younger son to preschool I thought of a possible task for my new coworker who has been assigned to me, and I am not used to coming up with tasks for someone else yet. As a result I missed the turn, and had to turn around - oh well, at least this time I noticed before I went on the highway - I had in the past once or twice only noticed that I forgot to drop my son off by the time I was almost at work! But this time I noticed early enough.

While in highway traffic slowly inching my way to work, I called my mother who lives in Europe and is hard of hearing sometimes but bad telephone connections make it worse of course. Very quickly I noticed that she almost could not hear me. So I suggested that she call me back. Whereupon she who had not heard my suggestion suggested that she call me back, but then she wanted a confirmation that this was ok with me, and a few awkward moments later I shouted at the phone that it was fine and I hung up. She called me back, and was concerned that I had been depressed. She wanted to know whether it was due to trouble into marriage. I said no. She said good because she had just had a dream in which I came to her, and said that I would like her advice on marital trouble, but that I do not want her to talk about sex nor to criticize my husband. She responded in that dream that this was too limiting. And the dream ended with me shouting at her. When my mother told me this dream, I told her that next time I ask her for marital advice, she should know that's a dream. She said she wished I was free to ask her that. I said that I don't think that is something for a grown daughter to get her mother's advice from. Then my mom wanted to know what to get me for Christmas, and I said that the trouble is I have too much stuff. Yes, Christmas is a long time away, but my mom unlike me is a planner ahead and a shopper.

Once I arrived at work, I shared the idea I had had for task for my new coworker with my new boss, but alas was reminded that he had only a temporary background check, so could not have access to that, so I still don't know what to do with the new guy. Frankly I do not know where most of the right hours at work went, but they went by fast. I remember there was a conference call, and I succeeded in something that had failed before - a small task but good to get it done.

At some point my boss made a comment about body language that made me look up body language of liars, and I read this fascinating site which had some giveaway signs of that, but the most fascinating stuff was that people's eyes according to that site tend to focus elsewhere depending on whether they are recalling something they really saw or heard or making it up. Fascinating idea. I wonder whether this is really true? Alas, I am not planning to start studying people's eyes from now on, so even if it is true, I shall not know it.

Oh, and I found out from the intrusive ads thread that if one pays monthly fee for DV Executive Membership one does not need to see any ads. I didn't know that! So I signed up for it. But I can still see ads, I hope they will disappear soon.

Picked up the boys, and my older son lost another glove, and I told him again, you know, I don't have an endless supply. In the car the DJ could not believe no one recognized a Michael Jackson song he played a snippet of, and I could not believe it either. Got home, typed this, now started fixing dinner. So long!

Just had a fragment, but a funny one: Life is a Dream - Dream Journals - Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views

I fear that you give me too much credit, but I am definitely touched that I made it into your conversation and it made me smile real big. My fingers are crossed for your recall and even fragments remembered are a success I feel.

Ok here is today's day journal entry to help with my dream recall:

This morning after writing the dream fragment down, I helped my older son with finishing up his homework, including pointing out spelling errors he needed to correct - he grumbled about that, but did it. I also reviewed his quarterly report card with him, praised him for having only the highest and second to highest grades. While the perfectionist in me insisted on pointing out where he got the second highest grades as room for improvement, but then I made sure to stress that it is ok to be always good in some things but only usually good in others, that it is ok to have some strengths and not everything needs to have the highest grade - I wished someone had stressed that to me as a kid.

I then located the connect the dots and color by number book of my younger son's - yay! It had been missing forever, but today he needed something for show and share, and the theme was bring something you made and are proud of, and my son did not want to bring anything like that, but this activity book when I found it he was willing to take - perfect! Last evening I had suggested a pinch pot, but it was clear that even though it had his initials on the bottom and had clearly been made by him last year sometime, my five year old no longer remembered making it. And even though this pinchpot has been standing in plain sight since it came home, but it has been out of mind despite not being out of sight, whereas the activity book had been sorely missed while it was misplaced.

I took my older son to school this time while my husband took my younger son. I talked to my son about religion about how Jews, Christians, and Muslims worship the same God but we worship him differently, and have some different ideas about God, but it is the same God. Hindus believe in different Gods. Since we are Christians, we believe we have more right, but that does not mean that some of the things we believe cannot be wrong, and I believe all religions have some of their beliefs right. I told my son that what I like about Buddhism for example is that they say one should focus more on right now, and less about the past and future, but focus on making the right decision right now and paying attention to what is happening now. And my son said that he understands what they are saying.

At work we made a couple of good decisions that will help our project overcome some limitations. And then my boss suggested that since my work for the afternoon was the kind of work I could just as well do from home, I might as well go home and work from home. Sometimes I positively love my boss!

After I finished work, I had some time before going to get the boys, so I did something I had not done in a while. I went for a walk around our neighborhood without my glasses on. The world looks a bit more magical without my glasses, a bit surreal and very blurry. I pay more attention when my glasses are off because I have to make up for my limited vision, and I also use more of my senses, so I am more likely to hear and smell and feel in addition to see. Sometimes I wonder whether I loose out by wearing my glasses almost always. I feel more vulnerable without my glasses on, but I also feel a sense of wonder and awe.

When I picked up my younger son, he threw himself on me with a big hug. Then I thought he said he wants more hugs, but he actually wanted more challa (bread).

My older son had found his Pokemon folder in the lost and found of his after school, but had discovered that some cards had been taken by other kids. This brought back a memory of when my wallet got stolen at school, but then the officials searched the backpacks of all my classmates, and I felt bad that they all got accused of being thieves, and it did not even help find my wallet. I told my son about this and told him to be careful because friends are more important than Pokemon cards. He said "but it was not your fault" meaning that it was not my fault my wallet was stolen and all my friends accused of being thieves, plus he pointed out that it was probably not a friend who stole my wallet. I said that was true, but I still felt bad about it, and thought it was important not to accuse friends or make them feel like one accuses them.

Got home and ordered pizza. The boys are watching TV while I am typing this. My husband is not home this evening - he has some social obligations / evening meetings.

Overall a very good day.

JoannaB,

I read every one of your post everyday...you may think your words are not encouraging but they are! I am right there with you dealing with either the kids, sickness, or just reviewing if the LD skills that I have been practicing on is working. Keep posting! You are such an encouragement and motivation for me and others. You are always quick to encourage and welcome others. I will never forget how I was in the most terrible dry spell and you invited me to participate in a DV challenge. I was cautious because I have never challenged my LD skills in a competition before but for the first time, I ended up winning the lower league division. In the past, I would get so frustrated with myself about my lucidity. But, all I have to do is read your post and focus on your persistence and I know everything is going to be alright. Everyday, I'm right here rooting for you and everyone else (including myself) who is in the same boat here on DV.

To me, DV would be a sad place without you...Keep doing what you do JoannaB .

Thank you so such, bemistaken, for your very touching comment - I truly appreciate it!

Edit: Btw, I in turn greatly enjoy reading your letters to Lucy - she probably does not even realize how fortunate she is to have your personalized attention.

No problem Joanna B,

Speaking of Lucy...I been thinking about her all day and I can't wait till I get home so I can tell her what I'm going to do to her tonight !

Ok, this has never happened to me before: I remembered a fragment of a dream, but it was too close to a potential issue at work literally not symbolically, and too recognizable (if a coworker happened to browse here) that i cannot post the dream online. Suffice it to say, it was a worst outcome scenario in an issue at work that hopefully will not happen.

Edit: To clarify this dream was not really a nightmare, and no stressful, it just showed one possible worst case scenario but kind of as an FYI let's keep that in mind, what if, but not in an emotional kind of way.

I now had one of the best exercising sessions I have ever had. It was great. I started out with some Samba dancing to the Wii and alas did not have the rythm quite right, but then I moved on. I did Wall Smasher - I just love smashing down imaginary walls on the Wii - there is something about walls being blasted to pieces and totally obliterated that really appeals to me - and I did better than ever before, completely destroying two out of three of the walls presented to me. Then I tackled Yoga. I remember when we first got the Wii for Christmas, I started on yoga, and whenever the instructor on screen said, "can you feel your mind being in tune with your body?" I would then think to myself, "why yes, they are in perfect tune, both body and mind agree that they are stressed and akward and uncomfortable." Rewind to today: I felt the harmony with my body in a pleasant way, I felt I was actually getting the poses right, and I was getting perfect scores on the Wii. After I had exercised 16 minutes, I was all sweaty from the Samba and Wall Smasher, and ready to call it quits, when I told myself that I appear to be in top form today and so I should keep going, so I excercised Yoga for another 16 minutes (so a total of 32), and it was great - even the pose that requires me to stand on one leg with one leg parallel to the floor behind me, which is my weakest pose, sure I occasionally did wobble a bit, so not perfect, but I did not fall nor was in any real danger this time of loosing my balance all together - yay!

Based on this excercising I have sense that I am in much better shape now physically and emotionally. I bet I will have a lucid dream soon if I just focus on some ADA and some reality checking. Speaking of which, given how good the exercising just went, am I dreaming? Reality check says no, and this time I want the answer to be no, because I would not want this exercise session to have been in a dream only.

It sounded like you were smashing down walls in more way than one! Beautiful stuff!!

Summary of the day:

Dream recall exists - yay! Exercising huge success! Loaded dishwasher, put away laundered children's clothes, did two more loads of laundry, dishwasher loaded and run, kicked off a process for work that will run 20 hours, went for a walk without my glasses on to ice cream place, got Nutella and Mango ice cream, chatted with a woman who was sitting on her porch enjoying the crisp weather - we chatted both on my way there and on my way back, tried napping but not quite succeeded, my husband and boys meantime went to a university and church event and came back, checked progress of work process, half an hour later delivered kids to a daycare provider's home for a play date with her son while my husband and I went out to a restaurant after changing into more formal evening clothes, experienced incident with cockroach on rice in fancy Indian restaurant (yikes!!!), and right now am in bar of Holiday Inn enjoying glass of wine waiting for a dance event to start, although it will be a brief dancing because we are due to pick up the boys in 1.5 hours.

Got tipsy. Danced like a giraffe, and then like an octopus, and briefly like a bunny. Fewer inhibitions. Sashayed my butt. Should dance more often.