Thread: JoannaB's workbook

Woke up without dream recall in the morning. Kicked off a 35 hour process for work. We picked up a young man who needed a ride to church - he is originally from Sudan. I sat in the back in our van and played Tap Tap Revenge on my iPhone. At church my younger son was too clingy so I staid with the boys in Sunday school. My younger son was a bit too unruly / sprawly / impatient during story time, but then he did a beautiful job cutting with scissors during the arts and crafts project. We joined my husband upstairs for communion and some singing of hymns and prayer. Coffee hour was as usual an elaborate affair and socializing with other paritioners - it's nice to be in community. On the way back dropped off the young man at a metro station so he could go visit friends. Came home and had a nap, and remembered a dream fragment. Woke up confused thinking it was morning. Throughout the day off and on spent time on DV. Dinner was delicious, but the ice cream store visit afterward was even better. We walked to the ice cream store with flash lights, since it had fallen dark already. And that's where we are now, waiting for boys to finish their ice cream, my husband reading a book and I am typing this, and I am way too full.

Woke up remembering one fragment from early in the night (written down at midnight) and also remembering that there had been other fragments and that they were kind of like reviewing a to do list of issues. My husband brought me coffee in bed. after I got up had to ensure that swim suit was packed for my younger son. Woke up said younger son - he likes to sleep in more than the rest of us. Heated up waffles for breakfast. Listened to my older son practice the piano. My husband needed to get to a meeting on time, so I delivered both boys. But before we left we could not find my iPad which was a bit disturbing given that my previous one got lost earlier this year. And of course the iPad was out of power so "Find iPhone" app was useless. My younger son was very clingy when I dropped him off.

Got to work and proposed another idea to my boss of an assignment for the new coworker, and this time my solution was accepted. Monitored a number of processes. Chatted with coworkers. Lunch included Tilapia, and this time I ate it in the cafeteria instead of at my desk. My boss's boss was visiting to do performance evaluations of some people, not mine though. One time I chose to interrupt one because I needed to verify something with the coworker being evaluated and it was urgent enough. Overall workday was solid.

Picked the boys up. My older son grumbled about need to do homework, my younger son grumbled about lack of iPad. I was too tired not to exercise, so I exercised for 15 minutes - not as good as on Saturday, but I did break a sweat and every little bit counts. Meanwhile my older son took a nap, when my husband got home, I suggested that maybe our boy is taking a defensive nap to avoid homework, but he more charitably suggesting that maybe the boy is coming down with a virus and needs the rest. I was late for dinner because needed a shower after exercising. During dinner my younger son sang us a song in Hebrew - I wonder whether he understands the lyrics (I don't). My older son woke up at some point during dinner. I went to check once more in the van, and did find the iPad there - wahoo! Now I am lying on the couch typing this, while the boys are watching a list of all Dr. Who actor's to the them song of Dr. Who on their dad's iPhone - "This is what the first one looks like." I hear "No, first one looks different!" Brother responds "You are looking at the wrong guy then." And now it is reading time.

Went to bed at midnight and after six hours I recall no dreams, but I woke up happy, so am fairly confident that the dreams I failed to recall were not nightmares. I will need to cut down on the caffeine I think to reduce risk of staying up so late. After getting up it was a fairly typical morning in our household in terms of preparing boys and ourselves for going out. My boys chose to dress like twins in similar/same clothing. My husband had a morning meeting, so I dropped off both boys, but had two electronic devices, so they were happy in the back seat. As I dropped off my older son, my younger chose to stay in the car and continue to play. As I was dropping him off my younger son said he wished he could go to bed, and he sat down on me like on a chair as I was bending down to hug him goodbye and he did not want me to leave.

Work started as usual with needing to respond to some emails, and it was mostly a fairly easy going day, nothing too hard and challenging, and no stress.

While I was waiting for a process to finish, I logged into DV chat, and spent most of the time in query with someone who is depressed. I wish I could help, since I know a thing or two about depression. However, in my experience, the only way out of depression is to change, and this person does not think it is possible or desirable to change. Of course, I am an open minded person, and like to think that it is a mistake to tell anyone that my way is the only way, and the thing is that I am not, since it is not like I am saying that the change needs to be in a particular way, but I do not see how a depressed person can get better without change. I actually have a theory that an advantage to depression is that those of us who get depressed actually have a strong incentive for change, since at some point one reaches a point where not changing is not really an option. Most people are reluctant to change, and depression kind of forces the issue, I think. However, the person who I chatted with reminded me that this is not what all depressed people believe. Sigh. I wish I could help, but sometimes it is almost impossible to help someone if the two of us do not believe in the same premises. And I cannot change someone who does not want to change nor would I want to, but ... sigh.

As I picked up the boys, there was this cute kid in the elevator whose mom and him were playing a game of Open Sesame, where she would pretend that his open sesame and holding the mom's ID card actually opened the elevator doors - it was cute! My younger son proudly finished memorizing a song in Hebrew as I picked him up. My older son made a concerned face because he thought he forgot to take his homework folder from school, but I reassured him that his teacher had emailed all parents that she had forgotten to send homework, and would send it tomorrow, but meanwhile she sent the spelling list as an email attachment - yay for electronic communication. We drove through the McDonald's Drive Through, got home, ate. I wove the words from the spelling list into one giant letter string for my son to identify. And now I am typing this.

No dream recall, but I feel like I was catching up some on getting sufficient rest - this time went to bed earlier, and got probably 7-8 hours of sleep. While I do not recall dreams, I do recall lying in bed thinking about minor stuff from work which I could do nothing about while asleep - silly mind, I wish I could tell it to shut off thinking about such issues at night, sort of like having an "ignore list." Woke up around 5:40am, put on some clothes and a jacket, and went to sit in the almost still dark on the porch outside our home. I had not noticed before how much noise from far away traffic one can hear out there and how noisy the heat unit is outside our window. I took off my glasses and just enjoyed sitting there for a bit. Not too long though, since I got too cold. Went inside and curled up on the couch. Watched the light / shadows on the ceiling for a bit but then half drifted off to sleep again, until my older son got up. We watched Wild Kratts together, which was about owls in the Sonoran Desert. I made coffee before the shower, and brought a mug for my husband in bed for a change. Afterwards though he made breakfast, but I ensured the boys had swim stuff with them. I delivered my younger son to preschool while my husband took our older boy to school. My younger son ran outside of his preschool building, fell, and hurt his hands. "Can you carry me inside?" He asked plaintively. So I carried the 5-year old boy plus backpack while maneuvering the ID card out of my purse and swiping it to get into the building. By the time we got to the elevator he was well enough to walk, which was good because he is heavy!

Not much excitement at work, about three hours in conference calls and meetings, and the rest doing fairly routine stuff for me for the most part. My husband called to tell me about the Thanksgiving lunch and book fair he attended at our older son's school - last year I went. Among other things our son persuaded his dad to spend a small fortune in books - it helps to have parents who love books at such times. Then I got an email from my younger son's preschool about the day today which included a photo of my younger son holding a book, so I guess it was a day of book for both boys.

The traffic on the way from work was horrible, so I was a bit late but barely so picking up the boys, and got lucky to not get charged a late fee this time. Got home, and now my boys and I are all three of us chilling in the living room, each of us with electronic devices, waiting for daddy to come home. Soon though I should probably look into dinner, and my older son should do his math homework.

Tonight I will go to bed with a strong intent to remember dreams.

Oh I almost forgot, for the past few days I have also been a female petite cop who is a vampire in my daydreams. Still trying to decide whether or not she/I get(s) accepted into the vampire community when she moves to a new city or not, especially since I am only a half-blood vampire, and thus need to dring blood out of fridge due to no fangs.

I am impressed at your perseverance with the day recall task! If it ever feels like too much of a burden, try to just pick a segment of the day to recall...but if you can do like the above, that is great!

Tonight I will go to bed with a strong intent to remember dreams.

Exactly...and I know that you know this, but if you are like me I often forget to remind myself to do a mantra or something by the time I go to lay down. "I remember my dreams" is what I use for recall assistance...but I have also seen "I remember my dreams and write them down as soon as I awaken" (or similar). I also notice that if it is fragmented sometimes just starting to write whatever I have reminds me of more of the dream...kind of like brainstorming: just start listing whatever you can and it sometimes gets the flow going...pen and paper is great for quick entry...others like voice transcription through a voice to text app or recorder, if no one else is in the room to be woken up. Again, I bet you know this, but reminders can't hurt I hope

I do recall lying in bed thinking about minor stuff from work which I could do nothing about while asleep - silly mind, I wish I could tell it to shut off thinking about such issues at night, sort of like having an "ignore list."

Two things that work for me is rolling over and writing down the thing I am thinking about if it is something I think I need to remember or visualize mentally "checking it off my list" if it is trivial. One of those seems to free my mind from the thought.

Oh I almost forgot, for the past few days I have also been a female petite cop who is a vampire in my daydreams. Still trying to decide whether or not she/I get(s) accepted into the vampire community when she moves to a new city or not, especially since I am only a half-blood vampire, and thus need to dring blood out of fridge due to no fangs.

Very cool! Do you watch True Blood?

No, I have not watched True Blood, but I used to watch Being Human, and a long time ago Forever Knight, plus I used to read all kinds of Vampire themed fictional novels mostly romance, but it's been a while now.

Thank you so much for your advice and reminders. I shall definitely mantra tonight ...unless I do forget of course.

I did forget to mantra or go to sleep with intent alas. However I did remember one dream, and it was a weird one: My squirreling (cleptonania?) issue - Dream Journals - Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views

Slept for about 8 hours with no memory of waking up in the night.

Your welcome and thank you for the nice comments in the post before last Also, that was significant recall for that dream and perhaps you needed that solid 8 hours to sleep, so sounds like a win-win to me!

Do you ever wake up earlier than needed due to your husband getting up or kids making noise? If so, you might try a late morning mantra as well. I tried it this morning and either the mantra or the fact that it was late morning seemed to help. I felt I could say "I am dreaming" 10 times and be able to doze off right away and was able to.

Nowadays I am the first one to wake up usually. It's weird in a way because about a year ago I never was the first to wake up, but now I usually am.

This morning I started the Stephen LaBerge recommended part of the MILD again where on Thursdays one looks out for reading, checking the time, daydreaming, and phone ringing. Well, that was not very successful today because it wound up being a hectic day at work with both my bosses trying to redirect me and change my mindset at work into one that is foreign to me. But before I even got to work I had a major discovery: I caught myself subconsciously repeating to myself "I am not well" in a negative self talk - yikes! I put a stop to that for then, but I will need to watch out for that now and nip it in the bud when it occurs.

I am still in the office, and I may or may not write more later. For now suffice it to say it was a hectic stressful day. Oh and my cough seems worse today.

Edit: ok a bit more day summary:

Woke up later than usual. Recalled a dream - weird one. Oatmeal for breakfast for most of us, except for my younger son - he does not like oatmeal - so he had a peanut butter jelly pocket. My older son was excited to have finished his homework. My younger son was glad to go to his former daycare provider's for the day - both today and tomorrow, since his preschool teachers are out at a conference. We arrived in time to briefly see her son before he got on the school bus - when he returns, the boys will play.

In the car tried to pay more attention and started looking for reading and checking the time. That's when I caught the negative sub conscious self talk - yikes! Stopped it, but later that day caught myself again. I need to become self aware enough to stop it. Work was hectic.

I caughed a lot. Funny thing is in the car on way back I sang the hymn "Amazing Grace" to myself over and over again, and during that no caughing. Could the caugh be a manifestation of my psychological issues, which are fed by negative self talk? Also my bosses both today tried to get me to see myself as more important and the work ahead of us as more doable. I was frustrated because I see my limitations and the limitations of the data I am working with. But perhaps I should be more willing to bullshit and become more upbeat as a result - bullshitting does not come naturally to me.

After I pick up the boys, I will have to exercise tonight - no excuses. This evening I will need to focus more on me time, and also go to bed early. Important meeting tomorrow morning.

I caught myself subconsciously repeating to myself

Your awareness at work, nice. Virtually everyone does this negative self-talk but most people don't catch it.

bullshitting does not come naturally to me

That could be a bumper sticker

Hope you feel better JoannaB,

Don't worry about bullshitting not coming naturally to you...we already have enough of them in this world!

Originally Posted by fogelbise

That could be a bumper sticker

Did I ever tell you guys about my favorite bumper sticker that I ever had? "Of all the things I lost, I miss my mind the most." That reminds me that sometimes losing or finding stuff seems supernatural to me, kind of like: now you see it, and now you don't, and sometimes then you see it again when you least expect it, right under your nose, but at other times something disappears possibly into another dimension, while it really should be right there.

"Of all the things I lost, I miss my mind the most."

Heehee...I think I remember you said that your bumper sticker was stolen, right? Did you have it on a suitcase and they just stole the sticker off of the suitcase? Man, that is hilarious !

That's right! A discerning thief who knew what they wanted: left the suitcase and carefully pealed off the bumper sticker.

@fogelbise: I really appreciate your insight that I should focus on seeing that this was awareness at work, and not on the fact that I was doing negative self talk. I was already worried that I had too early declared the depression as stabilized - I guess I still need to remind myself to look at the positives such as "nice self awareness"

Thank for your kind words I think we have to give ourselves a nod for the little things we are doing right to give us the energy to climb up whatever hill we are faced with...easier said than done I know, but awareness really helps. And great bumper sticker!

Went to sleep early, mantra before bed "I realize I am dreaming. I remember my dreams." Slept like a log for around 8.5 hours, woke up after my husband did, more tired than usual, no recall, but feeling ok. All I remember of the night is that I may have forgotten something.

Woke up tired this morning and after my husband did. Had some tea. Gave some breakfast to kids and myself. Took out the trash - I actually like taking out the trash because it is pleasantly chillie outside in the morning. Since I had a morning meeting, my husband took the boys to their destinations. I wore a red blouse today to boost my confidence, I like to wear red for that. Today was supposed to look out for birds, doors, bathrooms, and stars. Well, this was most successful during commute to work. I looked out for birds. I saw an airplane flying up high over the highway. Made me wonder whether planes disturb wildlife that might see their shadow and think it is a large bird of prey. When I parked the car near work, I heard birds but did not see them at first, but finally I followed the sound with my ears and eyes, and found several birds on the other side of the road on the ground - yay!

After checking email and a few other things, I piled up into a car with my two bosses and a coworker and we went for an important meeting with the client, which included a photo shoot for article on success of part of project, and then a meeting during which I gave a brief presentation, during which I was confident and did well. Then one of the bosses got invited to another meeting in which the rest of us could not participate, so the rest of us waited in a food court and I ate sushi, and we chatted about all kinds of stuff including the Roman Empire, World War II, Zimmerman, and JFK's assassination. When we came back my boss received a spreadsheet which he needed me to compare and contrast to a previous one, and I did that fast and felt good about the day overall.

When I picked up my older son from after school care, we went to the boys' former daycare provider's home where my younger son spent the day. We staid there a bit, while the boys played I chatted with the parents. Our two families are good friends. Ordered pizza before I got home, and it arrived soon after we did. I had forgot to specify that I wanted to pay by credit card and I did not have enough cash - yikes - but luckily a call to the pizza place allowed me to charge the order to my card after all. After pizza my younger son and I had ice cream while my older son took a different treat. Now we are all on electronic devices in the living room. My husband will come home after the boys' bedtime today. Soon will have to prepare for bedtime for boys although it is Friday night so might delay.

Will I recall any dreams tonight? I recall my dreams. I realize I am dreaming. I recall my dreams. I realize I am dreaming.

Btw, the DV banner has stars and birds - if only it also had a door and a toilet, I could pay attention to it, and meet my Friday MILD requirements.

I remembered a dream! Again it is one I cannot post online because too close to truth at my actual work, it had to do with my boss's way of handling relations with client, and an internal conflict of my own of whether I agree with a part of approach or see it differently. The dream included this awkward phone conversation between me and representative of the client where I needed to rewind the conversation in my mind as I worked out my internal conflict over presentation style, how much to reveal, and my self confidence issues.

Ok, while playing Luminosity on my iPhone, I had an important insight: the goal should not be not making mistakes (the perfectionist in my is reluctant to let go of that goal), but rather what matters is my reaction to the mistakes, my perception of the mistakes, and the speed with which I recover from mistakes. In this game I lose more points by hesitating and slowing down after mistakes than through the mistakes themselves. I should apply that lesson from the game to life as a whole. Not let my mistakes rattle me so, just keep going accepting that mistakes happen, but instead of attempting to do it all perfectly and focusing on each mistake, my focus needs to be on keeping going with a positive attitude, and when (not if) mistakes happen, recover and get back on track quicker, without letting mistakes that are already done and cannot be undone rattle me so, not letting them ruin my enjoyment of the rest of the game/day/life.

This is an important lesson, seamingly obvious, and yet so hard to implement for someone like me who was taught from early on to be a perfectionist. Alas my older son is too much like me, and I can already see the perfectionism in him - I will need to work on in my parenting not only avoid imposing my perfectionism on him, but try to teach him to accept mistakes more gracefully, which will be hard given how hard that is for me.

Yes very important in LDing as well -- do not let setbacks get you down, relax and enjoy the process. Pay attention to the practice, but don't stress about it when things don't go perfectly. Time is on our side in LDing, slow and steady gets the dreams

That's awareness again(of your reaction to mistakes)! And congrats on recalling a full dream! You do deserve a pat on the back

Alas, I do not deserve a pat on the back after all: I then proceeded to pick a fight with my mother over the phone, and then I needed to decompress and logged into IRC, and got upset over IRC politics again, and then I was frustrated most of the rest of the day and had no dream recall this morning. Sigh. Today I need to work on taking some steps in the right direction again.

Lots of body aches today, but I had a nap during which I did remember a dream. Some awareness successes off and on during the day. Joined another lucid dream forum - it is much more quiet, and unless I become much less of a forum junkie, it's probably a bit too quiet for me, but it appears to have more of an intimate community atmosphere, so perhaps a place to retreat if I become too stressed. Overall though today was a better day than yestday, despite body aches.

So in the meantime I have branched out and am now a member of three dream related forums instead of just one, which likely will mean spending less time on here I fear, we will see how it develops in the long run. For now I am enjoying communicating with new people about existing interests in a new way.

I think I am starting to regain some confidence that I will have a lucid soon. Even though I recalled no dream today, I remember remembering a fragment earlier and then forgetting it. Since I woke up at 4:20 I decided to try WBTB, and thus staid up for twenty minutes. Went back to bed when I felt sleepy, but alas had the hardest time falling back to sleep, and I am not sure whether I did fall asleep at all inbetween when I went back to bed and when my alarm sounded at 6:30. However, I did do some visualization, and had a bit of HI - mostly very bright light behind closed eyelids. And despite today's lack of success, I do think I will have a lucid soon.

I caught myself doing the same negative self talking yet again yesterday. While I did not usually notice the things I was trying to pay attention to as they were happening, but I did notice them usually soon after the fact, so I think my awareness is improving again.

Edit: I remembered the dream fragment I had and forgot earlier! I had to do with shirts for my husband for Christmas, there was a file of them on the floor in front of our walk-in closet, and I think his mother had gotten them for him, but I wanted to have given him the black one.

so I think my awareness is improving again.

That's great Joanna. I also bet that you will have a lucid soon. I was reading about an ADA type technique that focuses on breathing and found myself paying attention to my breathing more through the day and found it also was a good way to recognize stress and other emotions since they often affect the way that we breathe. I do hope to continue to see you here on DV but understand that it may help the stress. What is the harm in giving yourself a pat on the back...the way I see it, it reinforces the good habits.