12.10.2009 Massholes (Non-lucid)
NON-DREAM DREAM LUCID
I was driving a big truck on Cape Cod in Massachusetts. I was going way too fast down the curvy roads like a Masshole, jerking the shifter fluidly.
Some guy in the passenger seat was gesticulating wildy telling me about some crazy dream he had. Then, he started bragging about some hot chick he was dancing with in the club on Friday. I was chewing tobacco. I had my spit cup in a makeshift cup holder with a lot of duct tape on it.
"Dammit, I forgot my coffee... Where is my coffee? Shit. Oh well."
The guy in the passenger seat stopped talking for a second.
"Let's go to Dunkin Donuts!" he said excitedly. "Hey man," I said seriously as I turned to him, "fuck Dunkin Donuts. Dunkin Donuts will rape your wallet, dumbass. Imagine all these fatass Massholes, they spend, say, just five bucks at Dunkin Donuts every weekday. That's a hundred dollars a month, over twelve hundred dollars a year."
"Holy, shit."
"Holy shit is right. I'll make my own goddamned coffee, and if I forget it at home, Dunkin Donuts can kiss my ass."
We parked the truck at my old house on Ashumet road in Mashpee, and hopped out. There was a big logo of two bold white letters outlined in gold :WN. The slogan said in loopy cursive: We chop shit up, and other shit.
I pulled a pack of cigarettes out of my breast pocket, and reached down in my hip pocket.
"Dammit! Hey, Alfie, you got a lighter," I said to the other guy.
"I don't smoke, dumbass."
"Don't blow smoke up my ass, fucker. You mean you don't smoke cigarettes." We both laughed, and began unloading a bunch of logs into my backyard.
"Good pun," he said.
"Hey, fuck you man, I don't make puns, I'm just a funny fucker, let's just get that straight right now."
Someone stepped out of the house. He was wearing a light green t-shirt, jeans, and had a scruffy beard and unkempt hair. He was drinking a cheap bottle of beer.
"Ey, Joey," I said, to him, "you got a goddamn lighter on you?"
"Shuah," he said in a strong Masshole accent, and tossed me a green oblong lighter. I caught it in midair, and lit up. "Hey, you want a cig, Joey?"
"Naw, fuck that shit, I'm trying to quit."
"Well good shit, then do it."
"Fuck yeah!" he said.
"Help us unload this shit."
Joey started to help us unload.
"Joey, you going to let this guy tell you what to do, or what? Just because he's older than you?" asked Alfie.
"Hey Alfie, shut the fuck up. All that weed you've been smokin', comes from this fucker. You like smokin' weed Alfie?"
"Fuck, no!" We laughed.
"Hey! You know what, shut the fuck up if you like your job, and shut the fuck up if you don't. Chuck these goddamned logs like the little bitch that you are. I want to get this shit done, and get to the goddamned bah before the goddamned sun sets. I hate these goddamned short winter days. It's so fuckin' depressing."
"Alright, old man," said Alfie to me, "you are going to start talking about why Hawai'i is so much better than Mass?"
"Fuck yeah it is, you little snot-nosed shit. Fuckin blues skies, warm weather all day. Chicks from every race in the world wandering around in bikinis. Goddammit, I gotta get back somehow. And, I may be older than you, but I already look younger. When you are forty-eight years old, and have a hot little 20 year old daughter, I am going to be bangin' her in the back seat of the car you bought her for college."
"Hey, fuck you, man!"
We were done unloading the wood. I tossed the last log on the pile. "'Hey fuck you, man!' " I mocked. "That the best you can do, sweet cheeks?" Joey laughed. "Hop in, little shit. Let's go have a goddamned drink. I thirst like an Irish sailor."
"You are an Irish sailor, ya drunken mick."
"Exactly. And you, are a greasy ass wop." The three of us jumped in the truck.
As I started it, I asked Joey, "Ey, killah, you got any goddam j's on ya?"
"But of course," said Joey in a faux English accent as he flipped open a cigarette case full of j's, and handed me one.
I gave it to Alfie. "Hey light this shit, will ya, then pass it over to the man." We pulled out of the driveway and drove toward the bah.
"Ey, you're alright boss," said Alfie.
"Hey fuck you. I'm an asshole."
"No, you're a Masshole."
"Hey fuck that shit. I'm not from here."
"Well, you sound like it by now, maddafakka."
I inhaled deeply and as I exhaled, squinting, I said theatrically, "I am Kain! I am a restless wanderer on the face of the earth, cursed from birth. To wander is destiny. To be still is stagnant. Pain is temporary, life is futile. Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die!"
"You're nuts," said Alfie.
"Shut the fuck up, and hit this shit," I said as I passed him the joint, and we all laughed.
Originally Posted by Man of Shred
Dream 3: I'm on the highway driving a car. I spot a rest area and decide to park there. I park up the road a bit and I spot a white truck with the words 'Waking Nomad" painted on the side. I spot WN standing by the truck and i walk to greet him. Someone is with him... Richard. I say my hello's and Richard scoffs and says "you're to young Rob, i can't hang with you" then he points to WN "And you, you're too old".
Nomad shrugs and makes a comment back making richard look like a fool by his statement. Me and Nomad just look at eachother and laugh.
Why do we keep having these non-lucids together? We gotta make each other lucid!
MoSh and Nomad shared dream #2.
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