February 7th is officially the day that I sat down and said. "Okay, im going to lucid dream about my happy place one day." Implying that soon enough, in a matter of time, I will have this extremely simple and effective way to get lucid dreams every night and control them with ease with minimal effort…

Well, now it's September 3rd, 2017… 8 months since I started on this torturous and painful journey with of witch I probably haven't even scratched the surface.

I can't tell you how pissed off I feel about lucid dreaming, that would take an example of some sort, but I can tell you the things that has made this experience such a terrible one, and why it still is a horrible experience.

My first reason starting out this avalanche effect of ranting that is about to ensue on this entry, is that people are having such a wonderful time with lucid dreaming. They try a method once and instantly they get 10 times better what they expected and it works for them like a charm. When I try the method however. Everything that can go wrong, went super wrong and even if I DID manage to do that technique, by the mercy of my father who art in heaven, It would only happen once and I wouldn't get what I wanted from it at all. A method like WILD, where I attempted painfully for weeks on end to stay the HECK still as calmly as possible to get into sleep paralysis. I woke up in sleep paralysis one day, and I found that every thing was super vivid, but I didn't turn it into a lucid dream, I just went the hell back to sleep. In the sleep paralysis however, I didn't see all this film flam like "shadow people" and "a dark figure hovering over your body". I saw my dirty clothes written room in it's fullest, just as bland as it is when I go to sleep in it. People definitely over hyped sleep paralysis. They really want people to sit up here and believe that when you enter sleep paralysis that you are preparing for hell it's self. Maybe some people have actually been abducted by aliens in a sleep paralysis episode, and are scarred because of that, I can understand that, but people always seem to expect that the worst of the worst is going to happen to them, when all they have to do is try it and face that fear.

Second reason, 99% of my dreams are just so unclear, so blurry to the point where it would be comparable to me strapping on a blindfold, and another blindfold on top of that, trying to look at a slightly less black, very small dot in my peripheral vision. The bad thing is that, I can remember well over 5+ dreams a night. I have very good/decent dream recall, but the dreams I manage to recall, im never fully present in the damn dream. It is literally no different than remembering a memory in real life. That is not what I want out of my dreams, if I wanted to see memories, I wouldn't of even did this in the first place. I want a fully present, awe inspiring experience every time I touch my weary head on that pillow and im just not getting that. Sure people tell me "yeah just get a dream journal" EVEN with the dream journal I still get these extreme unvivid dreams, memory-like dreams that takes up almost all of my dreams. Again, once in a blue moon, by the grace of my father that art in heaven, I magically get an amazingly vivid dream, but the thing is, I. HAVE. NO. CLUE. HOW. TO. DO. THAT. RELIABLY. I go to bed thinking "whelp, I hope I get a vivid dream tonight", and get those awful, abyss dreams that just make me feel horrible after I wake up. I've tried drinking tart cherry juice before I go to bed, all it does to me is it makes me sleep longer. No "AMAZINGLY VIVID DREAMS", just more time to spend in pointless abyss dreams. YAY… Tried meditating at least 20-30 minutes before bed, same thing, more abyss dreams. Reading my dream journal before bed, abyss dreams, no blue light or any light 30 minutes before bed, abyss dreams, staying present in waking life, abyss dreams, reality checking, abyss dreams, abyss dreams, ABYSS DREAMS. I feel like rampaging because I have so many abyss dreams, and it is driving me insane.

Third reason, and oh man this one is a big one. The information surrounding these techniques, are so unclear and so confusing that I'd probably have a better chance of being a rocket science professor. Just like in my first point, people seem to be godly with confusing stuff on the internet. Either im dumb as a sack of rocks or they have IQ's higher than the speed of light. I go to bed thinking "I sure hope im doing it right", and after a night of abyss dreams and unpresent dreams, I wake up only to find that there is troubleshooting information (thank heavens), but of course, this is shrouded in mystery and confusion. What Mantra should I say? How should I say it? Should I say it or think it? Should I say it/think it durring the day? Should I only say it/think it when I go to sleep. There just isn't enough detailed information that could help me, out of all people. Okay sure, you can tell me to walk 20 yards and turn right, but if you tell me to walk 0.987723747 Kilometers and 5.23443 ft, and turn at the stop sign, and there's 50 stop signs… This clearly isn't a good way of explaining directions. It seems like nobody ANYWHERE knows the right stuff do to, and im tired of looking up information about a method that the "master" of said method, doesn't even know how to explain it to me.

Fourth reason is motivation. I have lots of motivation, I managed to stay here and attempt no matter how many times I failed, and I won't quit if anything, I won't give up no matter what happens. I've survived a 3 month anti social/depression type mood and still haven't given up hope that maybe one day I'll be able to do this. Don't get me wrong, I've had lucid dreams before, it's not simply that lucid dreaming isn't for me, it's definitely for me, but it's hard to stay motivated when each day for 3 weeks, you've had no luck with lucid dreaming at all you know? It kinda makes me sad that im struggling this badly where other people are like "this is a piece of cake", its almost disrespectful to me and I don't wanna be that guy where it's like "you're living your life the way you want to with ease? That's unfair". I'm glad some of you people have done this before. It makes me a little bit less irritated because I at least know that it's possible to do!


So this is the current state of my lucid dreaming journey. Filled with anger and impatience. I just want to fix all of these problems instead of complaining about them and trying to fix them on my own. I'm REALLY going to need some expert help with this.

I feel kinda embarrassed by putting this out there in such a hardcore way, because I know how easily this sets me up for extremely hateful feedback, but im not angry at anybody in particular, im just angry at the practice and I hope you can understand that, maybe even you feel the same way.

Thanks for reading.