Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

Originally Posted by DeeryTheDeer

She's already been put to sleep. That's what the shelter told me after I contacted them almost a month ago.

I am truly sorry Deery.

Originally Posted by OpheliaBlue

I am truly sorry Deery.

Well, at least she's not suffering. I think someone around here from Idaho was willing to take her, and I thought about contacting them but I didn't, thought it'd be unrealistic and I'd just be bothering them. So, apparently I didn't try hard enough. I was never sure about anything, even that taking her to the shelter would guarantee death.

Originally Posted by DeeryTheDeer

Well, at least she's not suffering. I think someone around here from Idaho was willing to take her, and I thought about contacting them but I didn't, thought it'd be unrealistic and I'd just be bothering them. So, apparently I didn't try hard enough. I was never sure about anything, even that taking her to the shelter would guarantee death.

No worries my friend.

If there is a 'next time' however, please allow me to help. It would improve both our consciences.

I have fallen asleep at the button myself a few times.

Well, I just can't let this go, now that I KNOW I could have done more. I can resist and say "well, I can't change the past" all I want, but that doesn't change my feelings. It's not helping anything.

Crap I didn't mean that. Like you could wake up and drive to Texas in a heartbeat. At least your kitty didn't end up as a stray. The forum shouldn't be judgmental about your decisions, because point blank existentialism dictates that one doesn't know what one would do in any situation, until one is in said situation.

I just wanted you to know that I could help next time. I have family in Paradise, CA. We rescue animals, so I could help maybe.

Oh, no I didn't think you implied anything, it's just myself. You've been very caring and helpful, so thanks so much.

Anytime my friend.

Originally Posted by OpheliaBlue

dude... easy

So yeah Deery, are you close to Dallas by any means?

Sorry, I was asking a serious question.
I got a proper answer at least.

I just didn't want to rub salt into the wound

I tend to do that these days

Spoiler for Don't worry about it...just venting...:

My mind is over analyzing shit too much. It's like having the mind of a misanthropist, but the fact that I don't have the resources to carry them out makes me want to fucking melt my eyes out and just bang my head vigorously on the bed head.

It's like voices in my head, but not to the point where I'm schizo. I feel like I'm letting my emotions out to myself even more when I'm alone, it's like seeing my mind go into a disaster. Not a big deal though, been doing it since I first came to college, and I have been thinking many thoughts when I used to be alone in the House during High School, but now they're going a little too crazy.

I do find myself being able to finish complicated tasks quicker than normal. If I were assigned a 20 paged essay, I could probably finish it in at least 1 hour (excluding research time), because lately, all the essays I've been doing up to this point allows an abstract stream of logic. It's kind of sad really, college is like living on the dole, except your parents are proud of you.(still have to pay off a loan, but it's nothing compared to those going to private schools at 40k a year).

And I don't understand that before I went to college, they made it such a big deal that it was hard to get into and that you'd have to study your butt off for it. I'm here now, and it doesn't feel like that. Sure I have the cramming late at night, but that's not stressful in the long term.

They make a big deal out of college, or maybe it's become I'm taking granted for the fact that I was the top 3% in all the High Schools I've been too? So why would I be bitching? I don't fucking know anymore. College is such a fucking joke man....even if I should be thankful for receiving aid on my performance, it just FEELS like a JOKE! It feels like I'm not GETTING A CHALLENGE out of this shit.

3 years, I'll walk out with a degree in Biochemistry (maybe a double major in Genetics if I'm really fucking crazy, and I think I'm almost TO that point). But what am I going to do then? I can basically become anything with this degree because of it's flexibility and being able to interconnect with graduate school, medical, etc.

And then what....try to find someone to fall in love with, fall completely for that love bullshit, get married, have children. Then have a sudden interest to go on Reddit and make memes on how I hate my wife and children, and how that I have better sex in my dreams than she'll ever give me.

I know I shouldn't be worrying about things that haven't even started, but it's so hilarious yet degrading at the same time to just being forced with this average lifestyle. I mean, what's the fucking point in potentially getting a 100k-200k job when I have to settle for less, and by that, I mean a wife that I'll probably not be interested in because I'm so caught up with having orgies if I can master having lucids frequently (when I actually get serious about over dominating every mother fucking person at University to where they start hating me, and I know I can do that, but I just don't want to be seen as cocky or too ambitious).

Especially seeing other people's family photos...it's so easy to see that they're hiding something, trying to make it look like they're stable but they're not! Or seeing a person I know in real life trying WAY too hard to be happy, it just makes me want to get a desk with spikes and just BASH BASH BASH

But I WANT TO BE DO THAT. I want to be calculated, hate people at my University just to push myself to keep doing better to get an opportunity to get a career that I like, respect people even if I hate their guts, the fact that their sharing oxygen with me, an in-exclud-able public good.

But at the same time, it takes too much willpower, consistent willpower, to even motivate myself to be "The Good Boy who could do everything" like I was in High School. Just fuck it lol, I don't know why I posted this anyway. It's just fucking annoying.

I hate having to go through the bullshit of college (lol I really am starting to act fucking spoiled now) when I know I will have to settle for less. When I look a couple in college or outside of it, my mind starts forming negative attitudes towards them. And it's not even a product of jealousy, it's just that it keeps making things seem bad when it's really not.

But at the same time, I like it because it's keeping me from trusting people too much, because I really hate it when I trust someone, only to find that they're just a piece of SHIT in the first place that I shouldn't have put effort into knowing into in the first place...

Well. I feel a little better now typing this, but I'm kind of creeped out from these thoughts of mine. It's not being paranoid, it's just perception. And lately it's been due to how I perceive things in my dreams that creates a new sense for me to experiment in waking life. I can't really explain it. It's like finding a hidden sense or perception that demands purity must be covered in darkness until you can't make the darkness black anymore.

When greed, hatred, hedonism combines into this personality that must be allowed to fall into chaos, it makes me wonder why these perceptions and senses I'm slowly developing are apparent, especially with the short lifespan of human beings anyway...

I'm starting to get too much into the AP/OBE lately....I think it's going to make me a different person....

Cliffs: Lol, I'm turning fucking evil and hedonistic.

it's ok Link, evil and hedonistic aren't the same thing

don't get me wrong, they're not necessarily mutually exclusive,

however, hedonism is selfish as all get out, I know, but it's only 'evil' if you hurt others, imho

It's just when you live in a society that demands perfection, demands that you be the winner, and when you do reach the status of social, mental, emotional, or spiritual superiority, society suddenly says,

"HEY BRO I THINK YOU'RE BEING A LITTLE TOO COCKY THERE...MIND TAKING A CHILL PILL BECAUSE WE'RE FUCKING JEALOUS THAT YOU'RE ACTUALLY IN A BETTER SITUATION THAN US? MIND TRYING BEING HUMBLE BRO?"

I already learned to not try and please everyone, but just hearing these fuck heads I socialize in real life contradict their ideals with this humility shit, it just makes me want to hurt them mentally. It just sucks, I just want to see them suffer. I want to see them go bat-shit crazy and just watch them die.

I hate how previous generations that are still alive still try to pass on the same ignorance to make this society nothing but shit...it doesn't deserve to prosper! I could go on several topics, but I'll just keep those to myself.

I'm only trying to be selfish and evil is because society makes it that way, and it's not about pleasing society either. It's the only way to make a decent living because others are trying to get into the same position of success as much as the other person.

It's just competition that I'm worried about that I have to go over the top to where I have to temporarily dissociate all logic and competence for worrying about the well-being of others. It's just survival I'm worried about. I don't want some dead-end job for the rest of my life, because that will make me think that college is just a bullshit phase that wasn't needed.

I'm surprised not a lot of people see this realization in college lately. College just seems one of those events of life that we're supposed to go through because it constitutes as becoming "educated and considered to being a valuable ASSet to the workforce"

It just feels so fake trying to do well in college. It's not rage either, it just sucks to be pulled into this bullshit.

Originally Posted by tommo

Sorry, I was asking a serious question.
I got a proper answer at least.

What did you expect me to do last time? I could have died, not everybody has a rant like that in this thread. I'm not expecting a cookie, just some simple restraint and understanding. Seriously, tommo...

Originally Posted by DeeryTheDeer

What did you expect me to do last time? I could have died, not everybody has a rant like that in this thread. I'm not expecting a cookie, just some simple restraint and understanding. Seriously, tommo...

Why do you bring this up again?
Last time I would have expected you to disagree with what I was saying, or realise I was right. Either one. Just not psycho.

I get the absolute 'everything's going wrong, fml, i fail' feeling. So that's probably why you reacted like that. But I didn't think about that at the time.

Originally Posted by tommo

Why do you bring this up again?

You're the one who brought it back up again in a snarky, passive aggressive way, so don't blame me.

Yeah, it was really stressful and I couldn't vent my emotions out (even when I tried) until I got home safe for a day. I'll drop it after this, seeing how you're starting to understand where I'm coming from. I'll just add that there was other crap at play too, like getting lost trying to find my car, worried about getting mugged or raped or something in a sick adrenaline nightmare (it certainly looked shady), confusing feelings of guilt and blame about driving my friend to this party and him not always being there for me or bored, etc. I'm not condoning how I blew up, but I am defending my feelings at the time. You have a cold, ruthless bedside manner too, so just saying. No "glad you're okay and not dead, but..."

If I was at your bedside I'd probably act differently. But I'm not, I see no point in sugar coating anything.
Ok, moving on....

Fair enough.

THAT FEEL WHEN YOU SPEND THREE DAYS ON A PIECE OF WORK AND YOUR TUTOR IS LIKE DROP IT OFF AT 5.45pm SO YOU DROP IT OFF AT 5.45pm BUT THEY COLLECTED ALL THE WORK LIKE FIVE MINUTES AGO.

I hate when my tutors say that sessions are canceled because something came up or that there's a power outage. That means I have to change my tactic when completing other shit, and it just makes me more lazy because they completely ruined my process of getting things done.

Sorry to hear that Xei. :/

destroy that tutor.

I think this is the first time Xei has ever posted a complaint here.

That does sound pretty bad though. Well, it depends. Will it not be accepted at all now?

Well fortunately his antics annoyed more people than just me, so he can't really complain. It's not a serious matter (the only thing that goes towards our degrees are the end of year examinations, we just spend a lot of time doing example sheets for the courses), and he's actually a really great teacher. He should be able to mark the stuff okay tomorrow morning before the tutorial.

Obviously it's just irritating when there was no point in doing hard work. But the deadline forced me to get it done, so now I can make a start on other work and then chill out at the bar tonight, so really it's a good thing.

He just sent us an email saying that one of us could cycle to his house if we wanted and drop the work off. It's a three mile journey in sub-zero temperatures. LOL.

people from dallas tx, like maybe an hour an a half from my hometown, think i'm country.
up town texans, eh dallas?

Originally Posted by Xei

Well fortunately his antics annoyed more people than just me, so he can't really complain. It's not a serious matter (the only thing that goes towards our degrees are the end of year examinations, we just spend a lot of time doing example sheets for the courses), and he's actually a really great teacher. He should be able to mark the stuff okay tomorrow morning before the tutorial.

Obviously it's just irritating when there was no point in doing hard work. But the deadline forced me to get it done, so now I can make a start on other work and then chill out at the bar tonight, so really it's a good thing.

He just sent us an email saying that one of us could cycle to his house if we wanted and drop the work off. It's a three mile journey in sub-zero temperatures. LOL.

Ah, that's good to hear. Have fun at the bar. And three miles isn't that far.