Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

Thanks

Ophelia, your daughter lets you read her texts? :0 I wouldn't let my mom anywhere near my phone XD Also it could be worse. You should see how some of my friends text...

"Hey Con how r u. Wnt to hng out 2night?"

I almost had sex with the female that lives two doors to the left of me at the apartment complex I'm in. And I was LUCID because of the successful WILD attempt.

God dang it, the dream fades away as I'm holding her body and slowly drifting her to this mini couch she has in her apartment.

Ugh....time to do another WBTB+WILD hopefully, it's still early morning (7:14 AM)

Seems the optimal time for my WBTB is around 20 minutes....anyway, hopefully I'll find Alyzarin instead of trying to bang my neighbor...

Chances are that she probably had a dream about me doing that to her, I seem to be interacting with a lot of humans nowadays in my dreams, I hope I didn't traumatize my neighbor. If she twitches when she sees me, I know for sure I made the right call, but I guess it's all speculation until then.

Originally Posted by melanieb

Dear stupid bike rider,

Hi! I was across the intersection from you, and it's no tiny intersection, and your fucking bright bicycle light is blinding me. Look, I'm all for bicycle safety, but your light is not only aimed too high (especially since you were on a downward slope) but is also brighter than the headlights of the car next to you by a factor of fifty.

Look, do me a favor...toss that shitty light on the side of the road and I will aim my vehicle for it instead of you. I can't see anything but bright spots now anyway, so if you drop it you have a decent shot of getting away from my rampage while I wait for my sight to return.

Thank you for understanding,

~melanie

I rage so hard at this. Even more so lately. Just tonight as a matter of fact.
Not bikes specifically, but those new cars that have bright WHITE headlights that fucking blind you and light up your whole car when they're sitting behind you. I have to flick my rear-view mirror up, like so it makes everything darker, but it still reflects off my side mirrors and straight in to my eyes. Seriously, that's not fucking safe you retards!
I know it's the manufacturers fault, but I wouldn't buy a car with headlights that bright and if I had to I would replace them.

It's usually four wheel drives too, which I hate anyway.

Then there's the people with one fucking headlight, or people that don't drive with their lights on (at least 5 people tonight; completely cloudy and dark). Or those idiots that think it's a good idea to come within inches of your car while you're turning in to a street and then proceed to drive on to the other side of the road to save those vital 500 milliseconds.

GO FUCK YOURSELF!

Oh and those people that pull out of a street WHILE you're driving past it, again to save those vital half seconds.... YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELVES TOO!

I rage against some drivers too. Right beside my house is a somewhat busy road and beside that is the interstate. There's everything near me from a Stockyard with animals for the slaughter, a vet, gas station and some trucker place that's always freagin loading and unloading at the most inconvenient of times. I also have to cross railroad tracks twice to get to town the straight way which is sometimes clogged up with trains transporting whatever it is they move from place to place locally.
The trucker place is the one that annoys me the most though because they have frequent student drivers who drive much too slowly and then there are the truckers who couldn't back up their rigs to save their lives and block the entire road.
Oh yeah... there's also a large Pentecostal Church right up the road, so forget going anywhere during the beginning or ending of the service.
And the people who drive freagin 25 miles an hour need to find someone else to drive for them. I get off my driveway onto a road that is 55MPH (until you get closer to town, then it drops to 40 then to 35).

Okay... maybe I rage against more than just SOME drivers
My hubby gets annoyed with me because I don't take the interstate. There's a road right in front of our place that connects the 2 roads. But again, stupid truckers prevent me. I was about to pull out of another area with a red light when a trucker raced through his red. He almost slammed into me. No thank you. I'll take the back roads and deal with the slowpokes on our road.

No real rants from me today (the above doesn't count :p) I went to sleep at 3:30 and slept til 10:30. I really hope Meesha doesn't grow up to be a big dog. I enjoy having both my girls sleeping with me.
Oh yeah. I do have a rant. I went to sleep with the intention of doing the Task of the Month. I didn't get close. I don't even recall most of my dreams. All I remember is something about a dime that gave you the address to something (?) I woke up because the dream was illogical. The date on it was 1691. The address was at the intersection of 16 and 91. But I told myself dimes weren't even in circulation then and instead of becoming lucid, I just woke up

you curse too much, tommo.

Omg would somebody just shoot me so I won't have to finish this day!

Originally Posted by OpheliaBlue

Omg would somebody just shoot me so I won't have to finish this day!

All better?

Why isn't google working!!?!??!?!?!?!?!?

Originally Posted by Solarflare

Why isn't google working!!?!??!?!?!?!?!?

Probably the Google Spider thread you posted on Meta, I think Google is onto you bro.

Instant No Button! Star Wars funnies FTW!

God Darn it....

Along with it's 30 second load up time. Google Images doesn't work, trying to search something sometimes doesn't work, and apparently 'your' isn't spelt right....

Today I saw the same best friend who was accusing my boyfriend of being "touchy-feely with other people (an occasional hug, mind you - absolutely nothing else), saying we never see each other, making rude comments about him being a f** and his personality... She is now cheating on her own boyfriend, and I am so sure of this. At bowling which ended a few minutes ago, she was rubbing up against a guy and kissing him the whole time, calling him "sexy" and doing other inappropriate things with him. She said for the guy to call her in a flirty way, as if they were going out for a while. She was more obnoxious than my boyfriend ever was. Hypocrite. Bitch.

I told my dad and he asked "why I was even upset", if I couldn't control her actions or if she isn't my friend anymore. Are you fucking serious, dad? How about the fact that I was criticized for weeks on end about my boyfriend, and now she's doing all the things she said that were "wrong". How does that make me feel? Oh, right - upset.

C'est la vie.

Aww I hate people like that!

I would just call her out on it.

Originally Posted by Solarflare

Aww I hate people like that!

I would just call her out on it.

I was planning on it at bowling, but the last time I pulled her aside there she completely flipped at me. My dad also said not to do anything because apparently it's none of my business, and get this - he said having a BF isn't the same as being married or engaged, so it's not a "bad thing" to be cheating on someone.



Why.

I'm not going to listen to him though because he just wants to rationalize everything. I definitely want to either send her a text, or tell all my friends that she's doing what she's doing. Not sure which though.

Yeah there's no point calling her out on it Puffin, if she's the kind of person she sounds like, then she's going to be too deluded to admit to her hypocrisy or give you any kind of apology. Would probably just make things worse.

Just know you're better than her. I know it's not much consolation.

EDIT: also weird things for your dad to say to you. And also, I think just let your friends know how horrible she has been, and they will realise you are the better person. I know it's kinda passive aggressive, but hey, she deserves it.

Ophelia

Puffin, if you have one really close friend, I would rant to him/her only. The rumor mill will take care of the rest without you having to stoop to the level of becoming a gossip.
If you see it, others see it too. She's screwing herself in the long run.

Rant: Rocky absolutely HATES the puppy. I took everyone outside a while ago. I sat on the path and Rocky (who was already outside) came over to me for some love. Meesha ran up and the hair on his back stood on end. Instead of eating her though, he just snapped a growl then walked away. He's doing his best to avoid her. He tends to stay at the other end of the house when he's inside and the pup is glued to my side for the most part.

Originally Posted by Puffin

I was planning on it at bowling, but the last time I pulled her aside there she completely flipped at me. My dad also said not to do anything because apparently it's none of my business, and get this - he said having a BF isn't the same as being married or engaged, so it's not a "bad thing" to be cheating on someone.



Why.

I'm not going to listen to him though because he just wants to rationalize everything. I definitely want to either send her a text, or tell all my friends that she's doing what she's doing. Not sure which though.

But what he said wasn't rational at all.

It seems people just hate the fact that you're having a normal relationship with your boyfriend, Puffin.

Just shows how people sublimate their jealousy in peculiar ways.

Sorry, just wanted to mention that to you. And I agree with what Solarflare said.

This passive acceptance that cheating isn't a "bad thing" is certainly not a form of rationalizing, because that's a behavior that will lead to more regrets and moral instability. You'll pull through, Puffin.

I agree with you guys, thanks for the responses.

@ Pensive Patrick - It just feels like I'd be able to get something from her, even though as a whole, I'm not feeling optimistic about the situation at all. And being passive-aggressive actually sounds good. It might have more of an impact in the long run too.

@ Zhaylin - The problem is, I thought she was my one close friend. I do have a circle of friends that aren't as close, but I trust them greatly, so I may just call one of them up or ask to hang out for a bit. It'd definitely help take my mind off this stuff.

@ Solarflare - My dad actually said, when I told him it doesn't matter if she's my friend anymore or not, that "I'm not able to understand the situation and act rationally". He was essentially telling me I will have to learn to be "rational" with this stuff because, quote "it's not a good thing if you can't".

@ Link - Thanks. I still don't know if it's jealousy or not, though, which is killing me. x_x

I spent the afternoon yelling with my mother. She said she wanted to have a casual chat with me when my grandma told her that I scratched my arm with scissors. You know it's hard to explain stuffs like this. I told her "I don't know the reason". If she wants to get information out from me, we need a long chat to slowly form a picture out of my scrambled thoughts. She didn't, she just wanted a straightforward answer out from it.

Then she started generalising and simplifying my troubles to school and relationship problems. Wow that sure looks little. If they were that small why would I have been troubled by them for so long? I might sound harsh but she's not even trying to understand. She just wants a straightforward answer out from everything, saying she is just a simple woman. You don't solve problems by simplifying them, at least not to me. She then claimed love is a want, not a need. I'm puzzled why are there so many people in my society who thinks this way. According to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, love is in the third tier.



So to actually start feeling good about yourself, or otherwise being confident, you need to feel loved first. If I didn't interpret the chart wrongly, each of the tier can only be achieved if the previous is fulfilled.

That goes back to my problems. The smallest in the world as compared to hers. And she started comparing, comparing about how much she suffered in her childhood because of poverty, comparing about how much she suffered in her company because of her lack of education. Why do humans love to compare so much? Why can't you just listen quietly for what I want to say instead of rushing me for an answer? And next she started telling me about how love have to be two ways, how one-sided love will not lead to marriage, how two girls can never be together happily. Dafuq is this? I'm at stage 1 and you're talking about stage 3 and further? How can you just skip? How can you just ignore the fact that I haven't even try wooing the girl? If I've been trying for 1 to 3 years without results I wouldn't mind getting said. But I haven't even try and you're telling me don't? You're assuming that there will be no happiness just because I like girls? Why is the world so homophobic? Almost everyone I told in person that I like girls they'll give me this quirk look. Why can't the society let the 5% of us live in peace?

And that comes down to my problem. Yea, I'm finally going to say them. I need time to get to them, not jumping to them straight. Because the world is so homophobic, I start wondering which gender do I truly like. It's probably the smallest of the problems for a heterosexual person but it means so much to me. I know pretty well I probably wouldn't be happy with a guy. But the world thinks I wouldn't be happy with a girl. And I know I'm not asexual so what does that make me? I can't love guys, I can't love girls. And I start doubting. I start doubting the feelings I was so certain. I start doubting there will be a happily ever after for me. I'm not a person that will be fine with being alone for the rest of my life, I need someone. And mother says, you can just be good friends with her. So in real life, which comes first, your friends or your spouse? Why would my good friends always be there for me when they need to care for their family too? And my mother starts bringing out I can be close to my cousins too? But I don't have heart to heart talks to my cousins (I have no siblings), they like me because I will play with them, I'm one of the oldest among them. It's the same reasoning as the previous good friends solution, which comes first, your relative or your spouse? There are probably even more scattered troubles but since I'm at stage 1 I wouldn't bother about them.

Then there comes school. I wasn't the best student around. I avoided going to school when my lecturer started finding us more than once a week asking about our progress. I couldn't do work. I wasn't efficient at doing them. I wasn't motivated either. I've been scoring Cs and Ds since I first entered. I did try my best, or it's my best considering I need to keep my sanity in check, and I only got a C. Just few weeks ago I had my final presentation, and the lecturers found out a secret I was hiding. Previously I wanted to quit school when I was only left with half a year to graduation, I was in charge of programming and I was too naive to think it wouldn't be that tough. But ended up other than programming I need to do other things too. It was silly of me to help my partner (we are a team of 2) with art when I realised he couldn't finish it. After all if art wasn't delivered, I wouldn't be the one getting reprimanded. But at that moment, comparing art to programming, I realised art was much, much easier for me to handle and I roughly knew how long I would take to complete it, unlike programming which I couldn't see the end.

I did try though, I took a script that my other lecturer had previously given to us and I edited it. They weren't happy with it. They weren't happy that I edited a tutorial script. They gave me a F for that. I was thinking, there is no way I can improve tremendously within half a year, and I need constant C to pull up that saddening F. If the best programmer only scored a C, I see no way for me to get C too. That means I would fail. I am too tired to continue even if it's half a year. My mother showed me a really disappointed face when I told her I was thinking of quitting. My good friend didn't want me to leave, so he offered to help me with the programming. I was happier afterwards because that means one less trouble for me and I focused on sprite making, documentation and organisation in the team.

All was fine till the last presentation when my lecturer asked me to open my source codes, I couldn't find what he wanted me to find so he said he already half-knew I wasn't the one programming. Dafuq? Couldn't you catch me earlier instead of during the final presentation. They spent half an hour lecturing me. And my partner who was usually quiet started turning really angry and he helped me to say a couple of words. I couldn't remember exactly what they said but they were going off point. Even my future 10 years down the road got dragged in to. I felt like crying but I didn't want to cry in front of them, they were not worthy of my tears so I started distracting myself by playing with my laptop battery. The moment everything ended, I went out of the class and tears started dripping from my eyes. I don't know about others but I don't usually cry so that was unusual. I didn't feel anger, I didn't really feel sadness but I felt unjust. I felt unjust that they didn't credit other work I did. And I didn't just merely did them. I was doing them till I fell sick with fever. I was doing them till I didn't had time for water, toilet or lunch. I was telling my friend, my ego was crying.

The unjust I had felt for 3 years in total. The unfairness, overly strict marking scheme and ridiculously irrelevance assignments, I have endured them all. Just when I thought everything had ended, they started demeaning me. Even something an outsider could understand, without me there will be no game (the assignment we were working on was a 2D game), they couldn't understand. They didn't see where all the unseen work went to. They didn't know what would happen if there was no one compiling and no one checking things. They didn't know what would happen if there wasn't a silly girl taking up jobs onto herself (which wasn't supposed to be hers) when she realised her partner couldn't finish it. And her partner had naturally think that she was obliged to do that. No. She wasn't obliged to do it. I could have just stick to only programming right at the very start and ignored everything else. Since he was the one who came up with the game idea, why has the task of making the idea solid and expanding on the idea became my job? I was a fool. I was an uncredited, demeaned fool. I was a fool who takes all the blame. If the project runs smoothly, I wasn't given all the credit. If the project doesn't run smoothly, all the fault was pushed to me. How could my ego not cry? No matter how unmotivated I was at least I tried to do things. The other guy who got an F only did one thing for the year. And I get F for doing almost the same amount of work as my partner, my partner was scoring constant Cs. Isn't that wonderful? How fair their system is. Just because I'm the programmer and I failed to programmer properly thus all blame is unto me. And they disregard the fact that I tried to help my partner and gave me an F.

So that's it. That's how little both my problems are. And when I thought I was done with the last assignment, I received an email telling me I need to do some more things and I had to go back to school again this coming Monday. I thought it was break time for us already. I probably didn't feel anything much at that moment, but it had a hidden toll on me, and that was probably the reason why my mind went blank and it kept telling me to look at my wrist. My wrist had a weird itchy feeling and no matter what I do it wouldn't go away. I started banging it against the wall to make it numb but it didn't feel better. Ended up I stare at it so much and I decided to take my usual blunt scissors out to scratch it. I even told my grandma to use a rod to hit me when I felt I was going mental.

I spent probably an hour typing this. And my mother spent half an hour yelling at me. Was it so hard to sit down and chat nicely without distractions? She said I don't understand her. True. She doesn't understand me either. Not fully.

I wonder who'll read this. It's kind of long.

Carrot I'm so sorry, your mom sounds like she's trying to say that because she's had certain problems that do make life pretty difficult means that your problems aren't as important because you don't have those specific problems. That's absurd. It's all relative, and she clearly doesn't understand the magnitude of your problems anyway. There's a lot to comment on in there, but let me just say this. The whole world isn't as homophobic as what you're being faced with. I know plenty of gay couples (both men and women) who are perfectly happy together and will probably remain together for the rest of their lives, and here no one who's not stuck in some ass-backwards mindset has any problem with it, and those people who do, well they can go fuck off. :/ Don't let society make you doubt your feelings, you are the way you are, and you can find happiness if you keep your hopes up.

Thanks for reading Aly, Link, Mancon, Zhaylin and melanieb!

@Carrot

I didn't read the whole thing, but from that, I remember from my Psychology 107 class that I took my first semester as a Freshmen in college, the Hierarchy of Needs chart made sense to me. You can't blame people for believing that something is a certain way, it's just part of their schemata to believe it because they've been trained to think that way.

You on the other hand, are more open, and because you came to this forum for a need for acquiring more knowledge in self-awareness, I'll give you my opinion on the manner of love being a need.

I agree that love is a need, everyone wants to find acceptance from others, but it seems that this generation abuses love and takes for granted of those who devote the time to care for them while they look for random strangers to entice them to love them as well.

I also agree that some things cannot be answered with simple-mindedness, it's just one of those experiences that needs to be clarified beyond this physical realm (sorry if I'm getting a little too into astral projection/OBEs here, and don't be swayed on my opinion on the matter if you choose not to read more on this opinion of mine, you have every right to stop reading more, but do know this....if by the time you don't believe my idea of love, at least understand what it is your rejecting).

I'm just putting a disclaimer there for you Carrot, because I know you're the careful type in trying to understand new concepts. I know I shouldn't be so bold to categorize your thought process on this, but I have observed that you are more open compared to your family, so here goes.

The challenge with loving someone and being loved is really stressful at times, especially if the person does not acknowledge your effort in loving them. It sucks, it really does, especially when you know you and the person can relate to each other, and you find inner calm when talking with them.

But you also have to know that the reason why people might think love is a want is because there's always the potential of hatred when you love someone. To see them show more love towards someone else (like I've said with how this generation seeks strangers to to love them and add them on their "These people love me" list) makes that person envious because they want that person to acknowledge them.

But that's that part that's confusing, when you add the potential of hatred into this mentality, it is easy to presume that love is a want because the hatred might seem selfish, instead of a need to must be met.

But yeah, love, it's a complicated thing. When you decide to show love towards someone, and you know they're trying their best to do the same, your mind starts to close off negative thoughts, which may augment the probability that you might reject useful negativity (constructive criticism for instance, since it still stains a person's ego even though it's usually to make themselves better overall).

Sometimes, words cannot explain how much you love that person, and when you try to use mankind's pathetic utilization of descriptive adjectives, etc. it feels as if it's corny and not genuine. People start to feel that you're an idealist, and that you're just being blinded from reality. Society will always try to make you regress to that reality of this world being cruel and so pathetic because of so many double standards that are constantly being redefined, rationalized, and then fueled with hypocrisy.

This is why I gradually becoming a firm believer in the astral plane and beyond, because I feel that experiencing certain energies with another person gearing towards the same mentality of going to astral plane is much, much, MUCH stronger than what the realm we've grown accustomed to here.

Now, again, do not read more on this if you feel this is getting weird, but if you set yourself a question for other people's opinion, please keep reading on, and if you still reject my belief, good, but at least understand what I'm trying to suggest to you. I know I'm not an expert, but I am experimenting with this, and I'm constantly trying to sharpen my views on it.

I feel that if the people around you cannot give you advice on your challenge in this realm, since it seems you constantly deny them trying to be simple with you, obviously you might have to become more creative with yourself and try to dream more.

I'm not trying to preach this to you, but I find myself becoming more positive lately ever since I've tried finding Alyzarin and Kaomea, and to support the universal theory on shared dreaming and beyond. I feel that if you take the time to gradually recall your dreams, and pick on your dream signs, and create an entity to help you with your problem, you might find that the answer was in your mind already, it's just that it's trying to communicate with you.

Again, I'm going to warn you, this is just my suggestion, because I know that each time a person reads what I've typed, they don't understand it because they might think I think I'm trying to be absolute in my actions to help them.

From what I'm seeing with you having a challenge with your wrist, it seems that your mind thinks about being fragile, being so susceptible and prone in injury. I don't blame you, sometimes I speculate on how easy it is for people to be injured.

And it seems it's hard for you to suppress those feelings of mortality and weakness, but if you look forward to your dreams, I feel that you will get the edge off that temptation of trying to find a more productive way of creating a vent in taking care of that temptation of using injuring your wrist.

I would like to go on, but I feel that this should be enough for you.

If people in waking life aren't helping you find a solution, I think it can be helpful that you become more open with your mind and your dreams, because I believe there is a solution.

Remember how I talked about dream guides and all that? I know it may make you question it because you have your own beliefs, and you are entitled to sustain them.

But what I'm saying is that at least try to experiment with your dreams, because it can give you a better answer without words, if you try hard enough, you can feel the energy, the sensation coming into you.

It's so hard for me to explain this to you, because like I've said, human vocabulary isn't enough for me to describe this feeling of finding inner calm and content not only for myself, but for a friend of mine.

The best way I can put it to relate to your thought process is:

Imagine standing in a cold area. It's snowing, and you feel so cold, you feel so weak, there's nothing you can do because you feel there is nothing you can do.

The darkness starts to develop more and more, and you start to feel more hatred within you.

But there's something inside of you that is positive, that emits a radiant energy that does not give up. It does not want to give up because it wants to help you find the right path of inner calm and content. It shines so much, and has this sense of heat that makes you feel content.

It slowly walks through the cold, eradicating all of the darkness within you, getting closer and closer and closer and closer, until you see the hand that reaches out to you. This same hand is warm, it isn't pretentious, it isn't trying to make things superficial, it wants to help.



And the moment you decide to reach your hand towards it, only then will you understand the potential of finding solutions to find that inner calm.

I had to think quickly before you regressed back to your normal state. I hope this helps, and please, at least understand what I'm trying to tell you.

Not to sound creepy or anything, but I have been observant of your actions, but it's because as a DV member, you're here for suggestions, I hope mine shined some light on why it's important for you to use your dreams as a problem-solving method, even you think the idea is abstract and impossible.

The thing I want you to get from this is that you have the potential to find out the reasons why you cannot explain what causes you to do things with your body and injure it. It may sound idealistic, but that's the thing, you have to experiment with it yourself.

This is the same mentality I'm trying to incorporate when lucid dreaming, to find my friends Alyzarin and hopefully Kaomea as well, and just understand one another.

Love is a complicated thing, but when you show someone what you're feeling, and they show you what they're feeling, it makes living in this world more fulfilling.

You might reject this mentality of mine because you might feel it's encroaching religion, but it's not. This is just pure will to help those that you love as friends and beyond.

That is my will that I try to have within me when lucid dreaming, acts of altruism that end up being the most amazing experiences that this realm could never comprehend.

And it's more than just altruism, it's finding inner calm, and finding the twin souls, mirrors, whatever you want to call it.

The mindset I've given to you now is just an experiment that I'm going through, and it's mostly just a clash of other prominent people who focused on mental and spiritual ideals.

It may not be perfect, but I think it's a good basis to start from.

@Link: I think I half understand what you're trying to say, not fully because it's rather overwhelming for me. But you're spot on that I'm the careful type in trying to understand new concepts. I might not be as open as everyone else here in DV, that's why I've been subconsciously rejecting a lot of things. Not saying that my problems cannot be simple, but they are reading it from the wrong perspective. I can just summarise it to one word each for each of my problems but my mother didn't give me the time to think about it before she jumped to conclusions, thus we ended up yelling at each other.

Regarding dreaming and lucid dreaming. I don't think it's impossible. In fact ever since I came to DV, my occurrence theme on toilets doesn't appear anymore because DV became a venue for me to vent my suppressed feelings. At least I feel there are people who understand here. Not saying that there are no people who understands in my social circle, but they will start telling me what the society deem is right and there is barely any room for discussion. Just my sexuality alone, I need to state it a lot of times for them to believe me, although quite a number is still half-believing.

Oh yah, back to your suggestion on dreaming. I have a fear of trying them out. Not because it might take me long to find my answer, but because I might put myself in dreamland and I might end up refusing to face reality. Sadly my stubborn nature doesn't like me to enjoy best of both worlds, it's either this or that. So if I stay in dreamworld, I will start ignoring real world things, if I stay in virtual world, I can use the internet without bothering about what's going on around me. For me now, I'm currently closer to real world. I recall there was once I was so into virtual world, I rejected any outings my friends organised, feeling that it's just too tired to meet real people.

And that was the reason why I stopped trying to recall my dreams, because if I do, I ended up troubling myself for the whole day on dream recalling and journal writing. Guess I'm not too good with handling too many things at once.