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    Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

    1. #19451
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      I have a lot to say but at the same time I don't really have a lot to say. First off, of course there is the usual housekeeping and I extend my warmth to all of you and provide the obligatory apologies for not posting as much as I should. Lately I've been trying to better myself and figure out how to optimise my life, and it's just so overwhelming. The best way I can explain it is that it feels like my head is going to explode with indecision whenever I try to narrow down what it is that I should do to take proactive measures. There's a million things I could choose to do and being in the position of trying to get something, anything done, and feeling the conflation of every possibility outcome and choice is absolutely maddening. Then of course come the feelings of pointlessness, why not just revert back to nihilism instead. Honestly, trying to order yourself almost feels like some sort of practical joke designed to drive you insane.
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    2. #19452
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      My goodness, Link! You have a lot going on. Sorry you're not enjoying your art, as much, anymore
      Your job drama always makes me SO thankful I've never truly had to deal with that, long term. I can't stand two-faced people, deception, or job "politics" (or politics in general ) I am so grateful I've been blessed with not having to be part of the work force.
      But, some people have great fulfillment in work and would find my lifestyle torturous
      It's great that you're "taking care of business". Just don't neglect your other needs

      Meh: This post has been open for over an hour I started writing my reply to Link but then one thing after another after another popped up.
      Turns out, the washing machine hack does NOT work for our machine. My son looked up a different video and got through the first step on his own but then he needed a socket wrench. Mine were too small. Called hubby and he brought over ginormous ones Then he had to search his garage for smaller sizes and try several before he found the one that fit.
      Then everyone struggled to actually lift the agitator out. I got it one-handed rofl. We wiped off some excess grease, unstuck my skirt and WOW!- it was like threading a needle. My skirt went through the side bottom crack and then up through a slit
      All of that took an hour.

      Then hubby was up and about and feeling productive, so we brought Miley to his house to get the ozonator out of his attic.
      And now he has his engines idling for the Fiat and truck.

      I, however, am doing NOTHING. I washing the washing machine from where my skirt has been stuck in there mildewing. Then I have to wash a couple more articles of clothes and my jacket.
      In the meantime, I have to roll a lot more change. Strangely, hubby's sort of feeling guilty about that and offered to just give me some money if I need something.
      I told him it needs done regardless. It's just collecting dust and Stink Bug bodies lol I don't know how I've been managing to eat through my budget so quickly these last couple months.

      I am very proud of my kids cooperation. Hubby needs to stop by more often. It's like when the landlord plans to stop by, so you hurry up and clean

      Rant: That numbing cream didn't work for crap last night. But I didn't exactly follow the instructions either. It's just WEIRD. I can't wrap my brain around applying a cream and NOT rubbing it in My TENS unit, however, did help some. I don't know why my legs have been especially aching lately.

      Rave: I am SO happy I can take Ibuprofen again.

      Rave: The babies were too confined in the container we had them in, and they were soiling the sheet I put in there with them. So we turned the container on its side so they can explore (and we can wash the sheet). They are so stinking cute and VOCAL.

      Rave: Puppy did so well when hubby came over for repairs. We blocked him in the girls' room. He was concerned at first (he's not allowed back there, normally), so he peed a little. But when hubby was here, he didn't bark or carry on one bit. He just sat at attention on the other side of the block (?? part of a bed that metal's, springy but exposed- sort of like the box spring? We use it to block the girls' room from the kitchen. It's the perfect length).

      Rant-ish: Turns out, we probably wont be back from our trip until late Wednesday or Thursday. We check out of Chicago on Tuesday. Bah. I definitely didn't want to be stuck there for that long. It'll be a nice break once I settle in, though.

      Time to get to work on change and vegging out

      **EDIT**
      I don't know how I managed to miss your post, Yuppie. We weren't posting anything close to the same time. Maybe the timestamps are broken... or my vision is
      So sorry you're struggling. Don't feel bad for not posting.
      Try not to OVERTHINK everything. Don't focus on "the long game" right now. Just take smaller steps. Make a list of things you want to do or accomplish. Even if you just partially finish one thing a day, you'll be making progress. Try not to dismiss or minimalize your attempts and successes.

      Also, don't try to change too many big things at once. You'll overwhelm yourself and burn out. Let's say you want to exercise more. Start with a 30 minute walk a day. If that's too much, cut back until you're comfortable. Then establish the routine. After a couple of weeks, the routine will have become a habit and you can slowly build up or intensify things from there.
      BUT, you wouldn't also try to stop smoking at the same time That's just a recipe for failure.
      Work on ONE huge thing at a time and add in a couple smaller things.
      What sort of household management? Chores? Repairs? That's what I struggle with. I just don't care enough lol. But when I'm serious, I start with one drawer at a time. Then I organize all of that and move to surfaces. Then corners and so on.
      When one room is finished, I'll move to the next and repeat.

      Hope you feel accomplished and fulfilled soon.
      Last edited by Zhaylin; 10-24-2018 at 07:10 PM.
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    3. #19453
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      Thank you very much for the kind words Zhaylin, it means a lot. Your advice is helpful as well, I will try to incorporate it!
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    4. #19454
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      Any time, Yuppie and thank you.

      Bah! I am dragging today. And I CAN NOT afford to drag today
      I have decided to keep things simple for this trip. I'm not taking my CPAP or crafting supplies... Just my clothes, toiletries, food (), DSi and games, and my vaping stuff. And also, the handle from my broom People may look at me oddly, but I don't care. I need it to keep up with my PT and to pop my shoulder

      Rant: I got just under 6 hours of sleep last night. I thought I slept fairly well, but when I took Paula to an appointment today, I kept nodding off in the car while I waited for her
      I've taken none of my stimulants today. We leave at around 2 AM, so I'm going to have to force a nap at some point.

      I'm worried about my vaping, more than anything, for this trip. I've always vaped in our hotel rooms. I've never been a cloud chaser, so vapor was never a concern. Now that I've switched to a drip tank, though, clouds can't be helped. I still have my Nautilus tank, but even at 18 watts (my preference for that one whereas my dripper is at 70), it tends to taste burned with the drippers mod. The mod I used with the Nautilus died a few months ago.

      Bah!! I need to get off my butt and roll that change. I have to buy some cat food for next week. The dogs are all set, but the cats run out much faster. I also need to buy 3 packages of baby wipes and another cheap multi-plug extension outlet thingy. I need to leave mine here so I can keep the heater turned on for Birdie.

      I am running out of time. Nothing like waiting to the last possible second to get things done
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    5. #19455
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      I think, I just complete mastering wilding, by "dive in" in less than five minutes from cold turkey, just before eating my dinner, without any Rem of what so ever

      The scenary was so dark and scary, that I can't believe how I sit in the middle of it and laughed my ass so hard, that the scary creatures was just looking me silly. omg

      I wake up in tears from laughing
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    6. #19456
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      Zhaylin, first let me say that one of my ambitions is to try to engage with the content that you post more thoroughly. I feel as if you award me a lot of your time and in return I often gloss over a lot of the things you have to say. I hope you don't take this personally, it's more of a reflection of me being busy and disjointed. As I said thought it is my ambition to try to change that behaviour. I'm sure your first instinct is to say that it's okay and you don't mind, but I really do feel as if it is unfair of me to act in that way, and I would like to take more of an interest in your life because I care about you and it's important to me.

      As for the vaping thing, I have vaped a hand full of times trying other people's vapes. It's really amusing seeing how much vapour I can pull and then blow out. Vaping is actually really tasty/smells pleasant and of course is much less damaging than smoking cigarettes. For some reason I never ended up switching, in my country it's not really freely available, so that could be part of the reason. I guess it was more so me just not taking enough interest though. It's easier to stick to what you know. I've been off cigarettes for a few months now anyway since I've been home.
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    7. #19457
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      Major Congrats, Gordan! I have a hard time lucid dreaming because, as soon as I realize I'm dreaming, I start to wake up lol. I can't imagine trying to WILD!!

      please don't say that, Yuppie. If I feel like you feel compelled to read my ramblings, I'll feel like I'm being a selfish burden and I won't type as much. Or hey... for anyone who wants me to shut up, here's the secret weapon
      But seriously... please don't feel compelled. Take what you can and what you want out of my words. They are NOT.THAT.important.
      When I ramble, it's mostly just a means to get my own thoughts in order.
      If someone else learns something or feels inspired, great. I love helping. But I'm no Sage

      As for Vaping, ease of access is definitely a huge part of the draw. That and finding a flavor (and a nicotine strength) that you enjoy more than cigarettes. It's great, though, that you didn't have to rely on vaping to get off the smokes. Grats!!
      I worried for nothing about vaping in the room. The air flow was so perfect, and my clouds were nearly non-existent anyhow, that I had no problems whatsoever.

      Rave: We made it back home alive and in one piece My goodness, getting there though... there were a few close calls. One car, in particular, actually made hubby squeal () and jump. He said it missed us (while merging) by less than 6 inches! *whew*
      We arrived, in Chicago at around 1PM (we left at little after 2AM). It was about a 9 1/2 hour drive, but we stopped along the way a few times.

      I was dragging (I never did take that nap beforehand), the last 2 hours of the drive, but I plugged through and did amazingly well. My arm held up great, though I did start wearing my sling about halfway through.

      Rant: On Saturday, we decided to look for McDonalds lol. Everyone told us it was easily within walking distance It would have ended up close to 5 miles. Almost right away, my lower back started killing me. But I plugged on. Then, I felt on the verge of vomiting and hubby's not in the greatest shape, either, so we stopped at an Indian restaurant we happened to see. Of course, it was up 3 steep flights of stairs I felt BAD. I ordered a rice, some bread (naan?), and a sweet Lassi. I slowly started feeling better and hubby said my "color" was back to looking normal (so, I guess, I LOOKED almost as bad as I felt lol).
      We walked back. Until Tuesday!! I had a nasty cramp (?) in my right calf. The leg I baby when I walk with a limp. My back continues to hurt, though not nearly as fiercely as it did initially.

      SO!- I guess I can, indeed, tell the sleep Dr. that I DO have back pain!! I just move so infrequently, that I've forgotten all about it

      Rave: The drive home was MUCH nicer!!!! His daughter lives along the way home (some 2 hours out of Chicago but 7 hours from home), so we stopped and visited for a while. We ate sushi and I was amazed. I LOVE eel. When I eat it at the place closer to home, it ALWAYS blows up my stomach. When we ate, with his daughter, my stomach didn't complain in the slightest. Which makes me wonder about the quality of the more local stuff

      Back at her place, I was just making small talk. I asked what she's been playing on her X-box. "Nothing. Do you want it?" I **try** to be polite and considerate. I hate being a mooch. I SUGGESTED she sell it or trade it, but when she hummed and ha-ed, I told her I would happily take it off her hands.
      I made out like a bandit!! I got 3 x-box 360's (one is broken), a wii, games, cords and controllers for all of them, AND a television As well as a pair of new shoes, a jacket, and a designer purse/computer bag.

      I handled the drive back home much more easily. There was a lot LESS traffic and the moon stayed hidden behind clouds, most of the way, that there were fewer deer to worry about too. Interestingly enough, I started out wearing my sling but I took it off halfway through because my arm started cramping lol

      We made it in at around 4:30AM. It's now 8AM. I have PT at 2:00, so I trying to stay awake until after then. I've been starting to feel sleepy, though, since about an hour ago.
      It is SO nice to be home!!!
      Last edited by Zhaylin; 10-31-2018 at 01:12 PM. Reason: SUGGESTED is not the same thing as considered lol
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    8. #19458
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      Heh, I sent my hubby an email at the crack of dawn yesterday, saying I truly knew then that I was home. Despite feeling sleepy the last time I posted here, I couldn't fall asleep until the following 6AM. To top things off, I woke up and removed my CPAP just 4.58 hours later
      I did sort of snooze, off and on, until noon though.

      Rant: I've been fighting the beginnings of a headache since around 1PM yesterday (it's now 2AM). I blamed the Provigil and was JUST about to take some BP meds but decided to check my stats first. 124/88 resting pulse of 88- which is tremendously great for me.
      Hubby blamed a storm system that was heading our way (but never materialized into much of anything).

      Rave: PT was brutal in the best possible way They stepped up my therapy and the last thing I worked on was a sort of stationary bicycle that you "pedal" with your arms. I got 50 rpm's for 2 minutes forward and 60 for backwards. My pulse was 131 when the 4 minutes ended.

      Rant: But several hours after PT, I noticed my left wrist hurt with certain movements. When I woke, it still hurt and I had considerable soreness at the inside (spine) and outside (armpit and downwards) of my right shoulder blade. I think I pushed myself a little too hard. I have PT again today and I'm going to have to ask them to dial it back just a bit until my wrist is better. The soreness is actually nice lol. It's what I always feel after a proper workout. But my wrist is almost concerning. I don't think it's sprained... but it's close.

      Meh: Our long haired ginger kitten was disgusting yesterday so I took a shower with her. It was her first time and she did amazingly well until she was soaked. Then she had had enough! I had to finish MY shower, so I set her in the bathroom itself. I knew she'd be freezing so I rushed. I picked her up, when I was through and wrapped part of my towel around her. I brought her to Miley so they could cuddle. When the kitten was pulled away from my towel, I discovered she had pooped on it.... and the poop was squirming with worms

      I was certain she had them, a week ago, because her breath smells like death; but I got too caught up in the trip. Today, she was wobbling on her feet and she lost her bowels again on the floor I bought some soft food for them, when I went shopping earlier. I just hope she can expel them before it's too late. I'll dose Maaria, separately as well. Then on Monday I'll buy some more wet food and give meds to the older kittens... then the cats... and I have stuff to dose the dogs tomorrow while I'm on a roll.

      Rave: I fought back my aversion and handled a spider earlier. It seemed lost, walking in an open (and stuffed with junk) drawer beside me. I set my hand in front of it and, after a couple tries, it got onto my finger and I set it at the edge of the top of my desk cabinet.
      Then, the silly thing went to the center and kept webbing down in front of me... so I got it again... then again and eventually set it beside my desk on a box.
      It was a non-scary typical house spider. Now I need to step up my game with the Nursery Web spiders

      Sweet dreams, DV. I hope everyone is well.

    9. #19459
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      Dreamviews emailed me to wish me a happy birthday and my rant is it's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to.
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      They say life's about choices;
      In the face of defeat, I decline.
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    10. #19460
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      Life, that doesn't sound good ("I'll cry if I want to"). I hope you ended up having a terrific day.

      Rant: I had a ton of dreams last night... but I only remember snippets of snippets lol. In one, I was at PT and a therapist said my feet stunk. I ruffled and said I don't see how because I use powder in my shoes and I wipe my feet with alcohol wipes when I take my shoes off. He went off the do something, but one of the ladies was there. I brought one foot, then the other, toward my face to sniff and felt justified in my indignation
      I had that dream because, the other day, I wondered if I was somehow starting to get athletes foot. The bottoms of my feet have been ?? sore and a wee red.

      And, as soon as I remembered that dream, I forgot the other snippets I woke up recalling

      Rant: My nose is extra congested today.

      Wail: I don't think Ginger Baby is going to make it. Any time she tries to walk somewhere, she wobbles and sometimes falls over. She's still eating and drinking and she had that worming medicine... but I think it's too little/too late.

      Curiosity: I'm wondering if the shower somehow triggers that. My buddy Simon did the same thing. He was sort of sickly and very dirty, so I took I shower with him. He started wobbling the next day too.
      But why/how would that be the case? I'm VERY careful with the showers. I keep the cats close to my chest, my back shields them from direct water contact, and I don't wet their face (except passively). I have them dried straight away by wrapping them in a towel and then using body heat to warm them up.

      Is it still too much of a shock? Could it be triggering something like a stroke? If it's a shock and worms are involved, does it make the worms more active (?)? Or, if they're already sickly and the have a shock, does it do something weird to their immune system. Does Ginger Baby have the same weird mutated disease that Simon had? I'm trying to think of the genealogy of the colony. Of course, their are foreign parties I'm unaware of (the feral males out hunting females), but I'm certain the females are of a different blood line.

      Blah... time to scrounge up some breakfast...

    11. #19461
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      Wail: Ginger Baby is still holding on. I may put her out of her misery, though, if she becomes any more pitiful or starts displaying pain. Right now, she can't even stand up without falling over. She's been eating and drinking, giving and receiving love, but she is going down hill VERY quickly. Just this morning, she was still following people around the house.

      Rant: I made myself sick I bought a 52 ounce Frozen Coke and I drank all of it in about 5 minutes
      But, I've not felt very well all weekend. I've been fight headaches and my stomach has been KILLING me. I feel gut punched to the extreme and found myself craving Petpo Bismo (even though I despise the stuff ) which made me remember the last time my stomach was like this which was back in the early 2000's.
      So, I'm going back on my liquid diet for a time.

      Rant: I need to break down and see a Dr. about my heart. There's a 20 point difference, in blood pressure, between my left and right arms. A variation of 10-15 points is cause for concern

      I can't believe just how sick I feel from chugging that drink! It doesn't taste very good once it melts, so I was trying to beat it ...

      Interesting: My arm hurts a bit tonight, so I hooked myself up to my TENS. Then I wondered if I could use it with my TMJ, so I set up 2 of the pads on my checks, and the joint that aches. It's making my lips and nose twitch

      Time to switch some clothes into the dryer then get gaming...

    12. #19462
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      Rant: Either my BP machine is secretly finding a way to take drugs or my body is completely and ridiculously out of whack. I blame the BP machine There's no way my body could be as off as the machine claims, yet I still live.
      I was feeling all kinds of out of sorts yesterday. It felt like I was "trying" to get a migraine and I was incredibly grouchy all day. I also had weird bouts of dizziness, while sitting, off and on all day.
      I had just cleaned some of my room, so I was standing up yet idle (hadn't been actively doing anything for a few minutes). I figured I should take my BP:

      (L) 146/89 97 (RL) 176/122 93 What the heck So I took it again: 183/122 103 Eh what? That's not possible.
      So, I gave up on my lower arm and took it how it's supposed to be taken: 152/91 91 *whew* Not great, but at least it no longer appeared I was dying
      I took it one more time for good measure: 136/102 99
      I gave up and went to bed lol

      The blood pressure cuff causes a lot of discomfort when I take it as it should be taken at the upper arm. Hubby said it's acceptable to take it at the lower arm so I gave it a shot. After last nights readings, though, I think I'll live with the discomfort

      Can blood pressure machines go bad? It never gives me consistent results. I readily accept that things can change, naturally, on their own from minute to minute... but come on. Not THAT much!

      I was very jittery when I woke this morning (not unusual lol), so I took my glucose: 106. Not perfect, for fasting, but not bad. And definitely not low enough to cause jitters! I also took my BP: (L) 119/94 87 (R) 138/83 86 But I can live with it

      Meh: I still feel a bit out of sorts today. My stomach wants to rebel but I don't have time for all that lol. I have to leave, for PT, in less than 30 minutes. Maybe allergies are causing some of my complaints. I'm loopy-brained and a little light headed. But I now feel some pressure in my ears. I didn't have my allergy shot last last week. Hmmm...

      Rave: I discovered an amazing soup line: "Well Yes!" I bought Harvest Carrot and Ginger, not expecting to like it, but it's been my favorite so far.

      Rant: I have to re-think my whole liquid diet thing though. The soups I like are pretty high in Sodium. 590mg in that last soup. That better than the cream of chicken, but not much (and it's MUCH better than the Ramen I used to eat
      There's also been made a link between soda consumption and high blood pressure. It's not from the caffeine though, because coffee drinkers don't have the same risk.

      Great... now I feel a little like barfing. There is a bug going around.... blah.

    13. #19463
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      Today I just had the first OOBE on purpose and shouted eurika out loud
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    14. #19464
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      I had a terrible last few weeks with the anniversary of my significant other's passing. To make things worse, I had to get to work out of necessity. It's stressful. Moreover, my suicidal tendencies spiked over the last few weeks too. I wish I can stay in my dreams with my SO and forget this reality. O^Q

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      LucidBunnie I hope your days have gotten a bit brighter.

      Rant: There is, indeed, a couple of bugs going around. Meh. Sorry I've been absent.

      Rave: My youngest came into town to visit. She arrived this afternoon and leaves tomorrow night. A very short visit, but wonderful regardless. Plus... the puppy sort of likes her now. I put on his harness and muzzle and I had her give him treats and talk to him until he calmed down. He was loving on her and friendly... until she gets up to go to the restroom or something and then he goes back to barking like a mad beast. It's definite progress though

      Sweet dreams, DV.

    16. #19466
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      Everybody who are interested in dreams, should at least once play the dreamlike game Alan Wake. She is structured like a book. Here a short preview to the story:

      Part action game, part psychological thriller, Alan Wake is a pulse-pounding thrill ride. When the wife of the best-selling writer Alan Wake disappears on their vacation, his search turns up pages from a thriller he doesn't even remember writing. A dark presence stalks the small town of Bright Falls, pushing Wake to the brink of sanity in his fight to unravel the mystery and save his love.
      And the game PC trailer:


      Xbox360 trailer:
      Last edited by GordanFreeman; 11-11-2018 at 08:39 PM.
      Zhaylin likes this.

    17. #19467
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      That game looks very interesting!

      Rant: Sickness is still going around. Now everyone is coughing up phlegm; there's a bit of laryngitis, and I have a very sore throat. Plus, I'm in intense discomfort bordering on pain... because of gas

      PT wasn't a walk in the park today, either. I told my lady that reaching across myself to, let's say, wash my left shoulder- is still next to impossible. So she stretched it. She took some measurements (insurance re-evaluation), then stretched it again. I don't think I've ever said "Ouch" until today.
      When I did the "wall crawl", I was amused by muscle twitches. Once I moved to the pulley, I asked her about them because my arm was active as if it was going through convulsions. She told me to dial it back a little Some twitches are to be expected, but I shouldn't hold a position or try to work past it once the twitches start.

      Rave: They laughed at me today, at PT. As I was doing my wall crawls, I saw a "large" cellar spider along the baseboard. I picked him up... kept dropping and losing him, then finally got him outside safely. I felt bad because cellar spiders are INDOOR spiders... and the temps are nearing freezing. I just placed him on the window sill right outside and hoped he'd make his way back inside. Where I had found him, though, was an invitation to quickly get stomped on!

      Rant: The girls got screwed at the car place. The dealership said they were washing their hands of the whole thing. The engine, on her original car, is blown. They're going to have it towed it... which is going to cause tension with hubby. Hubby's off tomorrow. He needs a LOT of rest. This week has been brutal on him. I've not broken the news about all of this to him yet. Hopefully, he'll take it well enough to direct the dealership to where he wants the girls car to rest. Otherwise, they're likely to just dump it in the middle of the driveway which is REALLY tick hubby off.

      Rant: I've still not done anything with my room. I need more storage boxes but I haven't been able to afford any yet. Next week, though, I should be back to getting my full allowance and I can pick up a few then. I REALLY want to get to that xbox I'm just not even going to bother though until I can make room for everything.

      Rave: PT said my range of motion and strength are amazing

      Hope everyone's well. It's been too quiet here.

    18. #19468
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      I had PT again yesterday. They started something called ASTYM where they work out scar tissue using a tool and cocoa butter. She kept asking if this and that hurt or was tender and was confused (and somewhat amazed lol) when I said nope.
      During a lag in therapy, I was stretching myself out. I held my wrist in front of me (elbow bent and out to the side), then I stretched/pulled it in front of my chest to my left side. And my shoulder "popped". Not in a good way, either, but more as in popping out of place.

      My other shoulder doesn't do that. I asked them about it and they seemed almost concerned and told me to stop doing it lol.
      I'm on the verge of taking pain pills for my shoulder tonight
      I don't know how much the popping is a result of my usual double-jointedness and how much can be attributed to the break and/or recovery.
      It *almost* concerns me too. I'll be keeping a close watch on it!!

      Rant: Hubby's dragging me out to the Farm again tomorrow. I'm still sick and would much rather stay home. My ears have been stopping up and I've been running an on-again-off-again temperature (99.9 lol)

      Meh: I never did find my $32. in rolled change. I halfway fear I threw it away I have a bad habit of transporting stuff in Walmart bags.
      So, I ended up rolling nearly the last of my change: $29. I must've been hording that container for more than a couple of years! I hated using it, but the cats needed more food They are now going through just over 16 pounds a week! Probably closer to 20 pounds. It doesn't help that the new kittens are being fed in the bathroom and the kids don't always close the door... which means the puppy eats most of it

      If any of y'all are in California, I hope you are staying safe.
      MadMonkey likes this.

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