Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

**~~DeletePlease~~** · 01-05-2015 09:47 AM

Originally Posted by acatalephobic

In life it is can be easy to forget about death. Most people prefer not to think about it, I imagine.

I find I spend too much time thinking about death. Not necessarily as something that I long for or even fear, but something that just happens to be on my mind. It isn't entirely a bad thing, I've grown more comfortable with the idea of death than most people I know because of it, but I imagine I'd be happier if I wasn't thinking about it every day.

Sorry for going off on a bit of a tangent there - and more importantly, I'm sorry for your loss, - but I didn't realize just how often I thought about death until I read your post. .-.
-------
I'm going to speak to my psychiatrist about about easing off of the medication. I needed it for a time, but now that things are starting to stabilize at home (my Dad has been sober for a few days now and he intends to quit altogether), I feel that I'm ready to put down the pills. Of course, this would mean that I would need to manage my health much more carefully since I wouldn't have that safety net to fall back on, but right now I feel like I can handle it.

**Zhaylin** · 01-06-2015 08:29 AM

Good luck with getting off the meds. Don't feel bad if you can't. A lot of people (myself especially included) will start to feel better after meds and then think they don't need the extra help any more, so they stop taking it.... and wind up feeling like crap again. That's not the case for everyone. Sometimes people do just need a bit extra, for a while, to get out of a slump. I hope you're one of those rare birds. I hate being med-dependent but I've reached the point of acceptance. And they only cost $10.00 a month so it's not going to break me

My rave is that I had 2 lucid dreams last night. The rant is that even though I know they were same, I've forgotten most of them. I just remember telling someone I was dreaming because the air is somehow thicker in my dreams and I can sort of grab it to fly. Once I'm off the ground, everything's easy. But in the beginning, there's a lot of resistance- almost like swimming up from deep water. I remember wondering what I was going to do with my lucidity and I told myself not to over think it or I'd wake up. I have no idea what happened from there lol

A rant is that my caffeinated e-juice still hasn't arrived. And my son didn't get paid today because they messed up his name. He should get it on Wednesday but gas is going to be tight until then. I bought myself some food, fast food, and an iTunes card. How is that business so disorganized and still operational?

Time for bed. Here's hoping for another lucid...

**Zhaylin** · 01-07-2015 09:34 AM

No lucids last night. Instead I dreamed my dad was dying and my mom said she was really going to miss him

Here's hoping tonight will be more successful. I want to summon myself and have a talk

My rant is that I ran all over the friggin place today. Well, it felt like it anyhow, but I was actually only out and about for maybe 3 hours total.
A rave is that we've gotten an abundance of snow... and the pipes haven't frozen yet even though the temp is 1 after wind chill
An even bigger rave is that I am going NOWHERE tomorrow. School's already been canceled which means I don't have to make the drive to Ray's counseling (and the girls to Plasma and the store and food and the mall

). Thank goodness! But I will have to go without a new e-cig unit and coils for another week... which will be pushing it.

My Volcano e-cig does not like the cold at all! If I even leave it hanging beside my bed at night, it wont work first thing in the morning because it's so cold near my window. Waiting for the car to warm up or going between stores etc will cause it to stop working until it warms. I keep a backup or two in my jacket pocket, so it's not really a problem... but it is curious. I got a free MarkTen unit and then cartridge coupons in the mail. Only had to pay the tax. It's not my favorite vape in the world but it's definitely better than Blu. And the Menthol is very strong. It's nice to mix it up every once in a while.

Hope everyone is well and staying warm and safe.

**~~DeletePlease~~** · 01-08-2015 04:09 AM

Started a new semester this week. I thought my classes were:

Wednesday - English
Thursday - Political Science
Friday - English

But it turns out that they're actually on:

Tuesday - Political Science
Wednesday - English
Thursday -- Political Science

Because I had my days screwed up, I missed orientation for my Political Science class. That isn't too big of a deal, but it means I didn't get a chance to claim a seat. When I go in tomorrow, I'm going to have to arrive early and find some place to sit, hoping no one gets annoyed by me "stealing" their spot. The class is held in the same room as the Political Science class I took last semester, so I just really want my old seat.

As for the first day of English... not bad. It's a group oriented class which I'm not too gung-ho about, but it should help me get a handle on my social anxiety. I was jittery as hell during class so I was feeling pretty shy, but I made it through alright. I'm feeling pretty confident about this semester.

**Zhaylin** · 01-08-2015 09:08 AM

I hope you get your spot without any trouble.

My rant: Dear God it is COLD. It is currently 0 degrees with a wind chill of -18

I don't think it's ever been this cold as long as I've lived here.
Amazingly enough, the bathroom pipes haven't frozen. I've left the water running lightly in the tub for the last 3 days. The kitchen and wash machine froze yesterday. Kids will be eating fast food until we thaw (can't wash dishes).
When I put my e-cig under my pillow when I go to sleep, it's still too cold to use when I wake up... same if I stick it under the covers with me. If I lay on top of it, though, it's fine

My bed doesn't feel nearly as cold as the battery would indicate.

A rave is that I emailed the caffeinated e-juice people today to ask about my order. They got right back to me and said they'd look into it and let me know. Hopefully that will be resolved soon.
Another rave is I dreamed of spinning last night. Still no lucid but I love spinning almost as much as I do flying.

I've been sleeping fairly miserably though. I've taken pity on the dogs because it's freezing out in the house. They've been sleeping in my room. I've not been crashing until almost 6AM and they wake me at 8 to leave

and then I toss and turn until noon. Hopefully when the weather warms, I'll have more success at lucids.

**spellbee2** · 01-08-2015 12:18 PM

It's okay, random power outage at 6 am that made the burglar alarm go off, I wasn't planning on WBTBing today, but when life hands you lemons, it's preferred that it doesn't do it in the middle of the night...

It's also been a good 30 minutes, and the power's still not back yet, so this might actually be serious...

**sefalik** · 01-08-2015 03:14 PM

Originally Posted by GavinGill

I missed orientation for my Political Science class. That isn't too big of a deal, but it means I didn't get a chance to claim a seat. When I go in tomorrow, I'm going to have to arrive early and find some place to sit, hoping no one gets annoyed by me "stealing" their spot.

Right. The silly inconsequential things like seat changing that gets people all upset... I don't miss that. I'm happy to be taking some classes again, but I'm not excited about the 'learning environment.' I think the best thing I've ever done for my social well-being was to start working in a factory. There's just a level of acceptance here that I've never seen in any school. No stupid cliques and nobody gets shunned for being 'different' (now if you're annoying or an asshole, that's a different story). Nobody is perfect, and that can become painfully obvious when you're working with people for several hours a day, everyday. But you learn to love those characters you work with--the good and the bad--and with that comes an acceptance of yourself.

At least that's how I feel it's affected me, and I'm pretty grateful for it. When I walked through the college campus recently for my counselor meeting, I could feel the tension in the air. Speaking of, that counselor I complained about before... she's even stupider than I initially thought. When I went online to cancel the class she signed me up for so I could just do it online, I realized she signed me up for a class I already took.

ANYWAY, I'm not sure why I went all off on this. But I guess that's my post for today.

**Zhaylin** · 01-08-2015 05:58 PM

I hope your power comes on soon, Spellbee. Is it most likely weather related? Stay extra bundled if it is. We've gone without power for several days in the Winter and it's miserable (a week in the summer once and then you have the added bonus of all your food going bad).

Glad you caught her mistake, Sefalik. It would've sucked to take the same course again (unless it was really, REALLY good the first time

)

I am only ranting today.
I slept in clothes and kept waking when they bunched beneath me... I took of one of my socks... I partially took off my shirt... then my cellphone rang in the middle of an awesome Minecraft sort of creative building dream... and then someone let the damn dogs outside even though I've expressly told them NOT to and they were carrying on, barking their fool heads off until I finally just gave up on sleep altogether.
And I was in the middle of a very strange dream where I was dancing (can't remember the name of it- but it's gross dancing where you contort your body like it's going to break)

And now my daughter's calling

Have a good day DV

**Zhaylin** · 01-09-2015 07:23 PM

Everyone's been so quiet. Hope that means life is going wonderfully

I'm still sleeping like crap. Stupid dogs can freeze from now on. If the teeny tiny kittens can survive and thrive in this weather, so can they. I did make the babies a warm bed, but the older cats seem to prefer it more than the kittens (who prefer to just sleep on dirty laundry)

My son still hasn't gotten his paycheck. He called today and they said 'Oh, we never sent your check to be replaced. We just had [some official] a letter written so you can still cash your check. You can pick it up whenever.'

If they weren't the only game in town I would encourage my son to find work elsewhere!

I broke down and washed my hair in freezing water

Most of the shampoo is probably still in my hair but at least my scalp is clean. I had to take an alcoholic baby wipe bath last night. Gah! I'm using hubby's shower tonight. Our water might come back on Sunday... but not likely to until Tuesday.

Otherwise, life is fine. My daughter had me drink a "FruitBurst Squeezers" Blueberry flavor. It actually brought tears to my eyes

and made me want to puke. It was like drinking yogurt. It was a mental thing more than anything which humors me. I'll have to try a less tart flavor.

Gah! I have to take my son to work in an hour. I woke at 11 and left for the store and I'm just now sitting down. I hate being the taxi sometimes.

**Creation** · 01-10-2015 10:13 PM

I feel kinda shitty about myself right now. Before the holydays I had to do a lot of work for university with very little free time left. I still managed to finish everything though and even found some time for myself. Bot once the holydays have come and I have a lot more time on my hands, I can´t gather the motivation to do the few assignments I´m supposed to be doing. I can´t even truly enjoy the free time which I’m not even supposed to have. I´m so disappointed in myself. These holydays have kinda spoiled me.

But hey, there’s still one Sunday left before university starts again. One last chance to be productive. It´s time to redeem myself for all the laziness in the past weeks.

**Zhaylin** · 01-11-2015 02:44 PM

I hope you find your motivation, Creation. I need to find some too lol

I'm sick... or whatever. I've had an off again on again sore throat and earache. What's killing me mostly, though, is the cold and a dreadful headache. I slept forever yesterday and last night, but I woke every few hours, last night, because my head hurt so much. BP was 129/79 which is a bit high for me. After I ate, the headache has almost completely gone away. My sugar was 110 though, so it wasn't low blood sugar causing it.

So who knows. I'm just glad it's retreating.
I wanted a hot shower so badly. It's funny that that's the main way I find comfort. But we still have no water.

A rave is that I got my clothes washed at the laundromat yesterday. My Rush order finally arrived too, but that's more a rant than a rave.
The e-cig they sent me doesn't work. And the e-juice doesn't vape properly. I think in terms of "heaviness". It just seems too heavy by itself. But I mixed it with some Joe Latte and it tastes really good. It just sucks on its own.

I need to clean my room, but all I want to do is huddle under my blankets and go back to sleep.

**Crashyy** · 01-11-2015 09:01 PM

Wow man I haven't been on here for ages

I've been extremely busy with school, work experience and my driving lessons. Turns out I'm probably one of the worst drivers ever.

School is really stressful at the moment, but I only got one more year left after this one until I graduate from high school. So I guess it'll be worth it in the end. And then I can finally go study abroad in Sydney!!

Also, I honestly regret getting help for my depression, literally nothing has changed. The medication made me ill, and my therapist made me feel so much worse and it just wasn't helping. So I stopped taking my meds and seeing my therapist. I shouldn't have gotten help. But I can't go back in time and change it so I'll have to live with it.

**HatsuneMiku01** · 01-12-2015 03:24 AM

It feels like forever since I've been on here. I should've made it my New Years resolution to go back to lucid dreaming. Ah well. I guess I can try, anyway. If it weren't for school taking up so much of my time and effort. I end up forgetting about the things I live to do.

**OpheliaBlue** · 01-12-2015 04:41 AM

Rant: I broke the washing machine

Rave: I got a new laptop and a deep freezer today

Rant: Danny is mad that I broke the washing machine

Rave: He ordered the part he needs to fix it while I enjoy my new toys

**Zhaylin** · 01-12-2015 05:16 PM

Welcome back Crashyy and HatsuneMiku.
Sorry you had such a terrible experience, Crashyy. I was going to insert a cute video about Spongebob torturing his driving instructor but I couldn't find a good one.

Soundslike you're all set, Ophelia

Enjoy your new toys.

My rant is a silly one. I really, really wish I would win a god-mode dream. No matter how I run the dream, though, I always fail. The dream sort of looks like a map from the game Civilization. It's distant like that. But I build a city in a spot I like, I build buildings and troops and BOOM, another civilization shows up and wipes me out. I always focus on expanding and culture and neglect my walls and armies. Though "I" am not really in the dream at all. I'm just a vague thought. I feel more like a viewer than an active force.

A rave is that our water starting working last night

I need to find food...

**dutchraptor** · 01-12-2015 08:03 PM

61 consecutive wins in four suit spider solitaire. I really though the 61st match was the one I would finally quit on, but 10000 moves later and it all worked out.

**~~Astaroth~~** · 01-13-2015 11:05 AM

I just arrived from the psychiatrist and got some meds prescribed for social anxiety and mood stabilizers. Ugh, feels good people, feels good, let's see how this goes.

**Taosaur** · 01-13-2015 02:39 PM

About the time I was ready for bed last night, I noticed the furnace was blowing cold air

The landlord will be out this afternoon.

**Zhaylin** · 01-13-2015 08:26 PM

Sounds promising, Astaroth. Hope it all works out. Unless you mean antidepressants/antianxiety as mood stabilizers, be careful with other stuff marketed toward bipolar if you're not. Stupid mood stabilizers made me manic once, murderously angry another time, depressed another time until we realized I don't have bi-polar disorder

Taosaur, ugh. Hope they fix it quickly and affordably!

My rant is I slept absolutely miserably. I kept finding myself in weird positions and woke with severe neck pain once and a major earache another time.

And I had the weirdest dreams. In one of them, I was trying to beat another woman to an animal/monster we were killing. Points would pop up as we damaged it and I was worried she was going to steal one of my kills. My weapon you may wonder......................
Breast milk, straight from the breast

What. the. heck?

Gotta take my son to work now...

**Maeni** · 01-14-2015 12:33 AM

Today I was asked, "Maeni, why do you always smile?"
This question will now haunt me forever, because it was already a worry for me before there were words attached to it.
Oh, you see, it's either that I'm always happy... Or, it's because I'm deeply insecure and I'm terrified of ever taking anything seriously...

**Anju** · 01-15-2015 03:41 AM

Originally Posted by Maeni

Today I was asked, "Maeni, why do you always smile?"
This question will now haunt me forever, because it was already a worry for me before there were words attached to it.
Oh, you see, it's either that I'm always happy... Or, it's because I'm deeply insecure and I'm terrified of ever taking anything seriously...

I get both sides of it. It's either "why do you always smile?" or "why do you never smile?".

**Anju** · 01-15-2015 07:20 AM

This is something I always had in my mind but I could never say it out loud for fear of people harming me; now I need to vent. I hate my parents. I really mean it, I hate them and I keep wishing they would die. If I can only have my freedom after they die, I want that to happen as soon as possible. And when my psychiatrist said that the recurring depression came from internalised emotional abuse in childhood, it was a big relief that someone finally acknowledges it.

**sefalik** · 01-15-2015 02:42 PM

Originally Posted by Maeni

Today I was asked, "Maeni, why do you always smile?"
This question will now haunt me forever, because it was already a worry for me before there were words attached to it.
Oh, you see, it's either that I'm always happy... Or, it's because I'm deeply insecure and I'm terrified of ever taking anything seriously...

I've been told I smile a lot. I take it as a good thing. Really, I just can't help it. I couldn't tell a joke with a straight face to save my life. Even when I'm by myself, you might occasionally catch me smiling. I try to be conscious of this when in public because people seem to think you're weird if you're just going about your business while smiling. But if I'm doing some mundane task that doesn't require my full attention, sometimes my thoughts drift to previous conversations or situations that make me smile. And again--I can't help it. I probably smiled a few times while typing this.

But for my rant (I may have ranted about this before): I hate when local people complain about not being able to find work. I can't comment on other areas, but if you live near me, are 18 or older, and can fill out an application and pass a drug test, you will get a full-time job that pays near or above $20/hour. Maybe manufacturing jobs just have a negative stigma attached to them; I don't know.

The fact that it annoys me is probably a reflection of something I do--essentially complaining about something, being shown an solution, but continuing to complain anyway because the solution isn't easy. Yea, I can't say I've never done that.

But c'mon! $20/hour + insurance/benefits, and no prior experience required?! Fill out an application, put me down as your reference, and it 1-3 months you'll be on the floor working. Instead, they opt for multiple part-time jobs barely paying a couple dollars an hour and complain about how hard they have to work for so little.

Just to clarify, I don't mean this post to be a stab at anyone here looking for work. I'm just talking specifically about people in my area. We're lucky to have a fairly large and family-owned manufacturing plant here that is in a economically secure industry.

**acatalephobic** · 01-15-2015 08:57 PM

I'm a little sad that when I made my DVCA nominations for funniest quotes I somehow overlooked

Spoiler for this little gem:

I guess that's a rave, I just couldn't think of anywhere else to put it considering that thread seems to be on the road to lockage.

Life is good, despite the freezing cold and the usual stuff.
Only a little lonely, but what else is new.

My closest friend is moving a few hours away at the end of the month, and I will be sad and bored out of my mind when that time comes. I'm happy for her sake though that she's getting out of this hole for a while. Trying not to think about who she'll be living with though, because he's a whoooole nother story...

It'll be lonely, but like I said, what else is new.

**Rozollo** · 01-15-2015 11:25 PM

Originally Posted by Anju

This is something I always had in my mind but I could never say it out loud for fear of people harming me; now I need to vent. I hate my parents. I really mean it, I hate them and I keep wishing they would die. If I can only have my freedom after they die, I want that to happen as soon as possible. And when my psychiatrist said that the recurring depression came from internalised emotional abuse in childhood, it was a big relief that someone finally acknowledges it.

I wish I could offer more, but this is perfectly normal to feel. If you were emotionally abused, it is very hard to grow when the abusers not only are still in your life but are capable of that same abuse. Emotional abuse is really insidious because it can happen right in front of everyone's faces. If your parents were beating you, someone would see this and eventually someone would stop it from happening. But emotional is so invisible to the spectator.