Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

Originally Posted by Dianeva

I barely remember what I was talking about anymore. It started off focused on 1 person but then I started thinking about other people who've done worse. I'm not even that pissed off anymore.

haha yeah you kind of got really broad there. But I think I get what you're saying.
I don't hate it I just educate their moronic brain. Or just ignore them.

I'm an idiot who needs to eat better and more frequently. I had 3 side salads in 2 days, so when I got paid last night, I went to Sheetz and bought 2 medium pizzas, cheese sticks and mac and cheese bites. I also bought 6 packs of cigarettes. Total bill of just under $50.
*rawr face*
Then I spent $15. in gas this morning.
SO- I have about $70. left for a week of groceries for my daughter and I- EXCLUDING laundry soap, dog food, bunny bedding etc. I was *supposed* to pick up my Wellbutrin but I MIGHT get more EQ2 time instead (game runs out of time in 3 days)
Priorities, priorities

I'm also starting to think I'm a Strep Carrier. I have had a small blister on my throat for about 2 months now and my right side tonsil is slightly swollen. My throat is a little red and it's ALWAYS at least a little sore (maybe a 2 out of 10).
My daughter has had severe strep for about 2 months (she'll eat and drink after me but I'm a germaphobe so it doesn't go the other way around) and my hubby almost always gets a sore throat after being around me for any length of time (kisses/shared drinks- germaphobia does not extend to him )
BUT, my lymph nodes aren't swollen and I rarely have a fever. But my white blood count is always slightly elevated (I have blood work done once a year).
SO, I may have to break down and actually see a Dr. which I am loathe to do.
Then again... I need to research strep and see if it's even possible to be a carrier and if the right antibiotics can clear it. If it's just a matter of antibiotics, then I'll have hubby write me a script for penicillin.

*BLAH*

Originally Posted by Unelias

Is it that kind of where you don't speak at all, like a retreat?

No, we could speak, but most normal topics were looked down upon.

Originally Posted by Unelias

Think about it, you have spent your time there, you have meditated and you most likely carry these teachings in everyday life as well?

Not so much lately.

Originally Posted by Unelias

Is it that kind of where you don't speak at all, like a retreat?

No, we could speak, but most normal topics were looked down upon.

Sorry for the rant again, this thread brings out the worst in me.

Fuck

Kcuf

i'm a stupid freaking idiot. i just wanted to get that out there.

lol b12 I know the feeling.

I finally went grocery shopping. I bought soup, cans of corn, Ramen, $7. in soda, $13. in dog food, Ravioli's. It just has to last until Monday, so I think I did very well. I also got my birds a mineral treat that looks and tastes like a pineapple. I thought for sure they would hate it (they're very picky) but they absolutely love the thing. Maybe it will help shrink CeeCee's belly (it's a malnutrition thing seeing how they're seed snobs).
I also spent $15. for EQ2 time, so no Wellbutrin, which means I've been sleeping all the flipping time.
I took TWO caffeine pills earlier then fell promptly asleep And since being on Wellbutrin, I've not been taking many at all so I've not built up a tolerance.

Oh well. Once again, I only have to make it to MOnday. But then I have to juggle the budget to feed TWO households. So, I might not get my meds then either.
If only I hadn't wasted $30. on Sheetz food yesterday. My daughter enjoyed it though, so it wasn't all bad. She had a couple friends stay over and she's been sick with strep. It was a nice change of pace for her.

Originally Posted by b12

i'm a stupid freaking idiot. i just wanted to get that out there.

are not

Originally Posted by b12

i'm a stupid freaking idiot. i just wanted to get that out there.

Usually stupid people cannot recognize their own stupidity so considering the fact that you are aware of your own stupidity makes you fairly intelligent. Cheers.

well.... sorta depressed cause of a wedding I went to made me sorta realize I'll be alone for ever :/

on a slightly lighter note, my teeth are killing me because I left my crest whitestripes in too long, and my teeth are super sensitive,

Old Sparta and any else who needs one.

I am irritated. I felt ill last night so I didn't sleep worth half a hoot. So, I stayed up, gamed, cleaned, did laundry. My daughter and her friend stayed with another friend, so the house was COMPLETELY silent for a change. While loading laundry, I heard a water leak.
There's a half bathroom that connects the laundry room to a bedroom. The water has been turned off to it for years, so I couldn't figure out what the heck was leaking. I fiddled with the toilets water valve thingy, but it was screwed tightly shut. My hands were getting wet though. I pulled on the tube that comes from outside/under the modular home and there I found the leak. They *were* like little pin holes. Me fiddling with it, though, made the leak worse.
So, I shut off water to the house until I can buy some water proof tape tomorrow night. Which is a real pain in the butt for someone as lazy as I am.

My inside animals drink a lot. I keep going to the tub to fill the bunnies dish then I smack my head when I remember there's no water. I have to walk to the center of the house, turn it on, do what I need to do, walk back and turn it off
I would never survive if I had to walk any distance to draw water from a well lol

I live in my bedroom. I venture out only to nuke something to eat, to do laundry, to go outside. My daughters friends- I discovered- tagged my other daughters newly replaced walls The walls still need painting and such so it's not completely devastating, but I'm still annoyed as heck.

Plus, when I managed to get 2 hours sleep this morning, I scraped the inside of my nose and I woke up because it was bleeding and now my poor nose is still sore (dry) and I gave my son my only bottle of nasal spray.

I ended up getting a few more hours of sleep, but I'm still beat. I have court with my daughter tomorrow- fun, fun- and then I have to take my boys some food tomorrow night.

Blah

I'm getting annoyed by people in general not being reasonable. I waste all of my time with stupid crap and always forget when I have a paper due.

I have to take out more loans next year, and I don't know what sort of career I'd be able to get to pay off these loans... since I don't know what I want to do with my life. I feel like computers will take away anything I want to do... the world is turning into something awful, people are getting lazy and not caring about their own education anymore, letting "google" do it for them.

Every 8 year old kid here has a freaking cell phone... but doesn't need one, while children are starving around the world. I feel helpless right now since everyone just wants "more" and that "more" is destroying the environment. We are running out of resources, no one seems to care, people are starving, no one seems to care, they are losing their humanity... but no one seems to care.

I wish I could make people care more... and there is my rant.

Going to the dentist Tuesday.
Fucking hate the dentist.
I didn't go for my last 6 month thing, and i'm really paranoid i'll have a cavity (though i doubt it, i had one when i was like 8. lolol and that's it)
but i'm pretty sure i'm going to have to have some sort of minor surgery thing going on.
as I stated before
fucking hate the dentist.

I got a filling a month back or so (right after my braces came off too. Blegh).

My molars have very deep ridges, so they're hard to clean. I got them made a bit shallower, and had one filling put in. The needle was the worst part, but I got some icky-tasting gel beforehand so it wasn't too bad. The actual opening of the tooth and the filling was a piece of cake; it really didn't hurt that much.

I think it's just what we associate with dentists that makes them seem "bad", by any standards.

My daughter's gotten into the habit of reading the mail before giving it to me. Tonight, she gave me a letter from the DHHR saying they conducted an investigation back in June and it was found that both Myles and Zee were neglected and/or abused. All because I told the worker she wasn't getting into my house without a warrant.
I'd like to know why they think a little piece of paper is going to change that. They're still not coming into my home. They can all drop off the face of the planet for all I care. If I was trapped inside and my house was on fire I would rather burn than tell them to come in. I despise the organization as it is currently being operated in my State.
But, in light of this information, I don't see how my daughter is going to be able to stay home. The place conducting her psychological work is in the pocket of DHHR, so it's impossible for them to be impartial.

I really wish my daughter would have brought the envelop from the letter. I would love to see when it was mailed.

I ended up taking a nap from around 7-10. I found myself in a horribly cranky mood mostly because my daughter wasn't home (I told her not a second past 8PM). I called her and her excuse was that she DID come home but I was sleeping, so she left again. She still hadn't done her chores so why did she even think it was okay to leave again?
I feel majorly dehydrated and I'm off balance (which has been happening more and more frequently).

I have serious problems with government authority (mostly because I never gave consent for them to have such overbearing power). Any request for anything without a warrant is an absolute no from me. Probable cause? I'm not buying it.

I'm the nicest person you could ever meet IRL and it's screwed me over plenty of times. I'm a slow learner, but I DO eventually learn.
In the past, I have bent over backwards assisting the State in one investigation or another. I had been painfully honest, gave them the full tour etc. I now know how they work. If even ONE small thing is out of place (cleanliness wise) then I'm unfit. Screw that. Show me a warrant. I hate to play hardball, but there's no other way.

My house is seldom clean to their standards. But is it grounds to have my kids removed? Give me a freagin break, No. I don't do drugs, I'm not violent, I neither beat, berate nor starve my kids. I hear plenty of horror stories from my kids and acquaintances about tweekers beating their kids and the State rarely investigate those people.
My house isn't filthy so they can give me a freakin break.

But, we have no working furnace, no working full-sized fridge, no working stove/oven and most of the water is turned off throughout the house because of leaks. We have cold water in the kitchen, hot and cold in the tub and shower and a working toilet. THAT's why I don't let them in. Instead of condemning me and placing my kids in foster care, why not teach me how to make the needed repairs or something? But no. That's too sensible. (In truth, they probably don't know how to either, but I'm sure they could find someone who does. Even though I know it's not their responsibility and I'm not claiming it is, but there ARE other things that could be done.)

I'm still in a crab-assed mood. My daughter's being passive-aggressive which gets on my last nerve. She punched a wall at some point this evening because I saw her knuckles. She thumped and banged around while doing her chores. I called her out, said she was being passive aggressive and I asked what the heck was going on: "Gee Mom, *nothing* is wrong. I'm just *trying* cleaning... I don't know what happened to my hand."

**EDIT**
I think I'm so uptight, in part, because I've been cold turkey off Wellbutrin. I'm also slightly sick with a still irritated throat and a tickle deep inside my left ear. *blah*
I also now have chest pain that extends all the way to my back, but that's just gas. All I eat anymore are salads, it seems, so I guess they're not agreeing with me lol

I feel like I am back from the grave. All my muscles ache, back aches, neck is stiff, but I am content of it nontheless. It seems I have recovered most of the endurance I had before I got bedridden for that week and half. Pushed myself a bit, when I did three 2 hours training sessions yesterday. Oddly, Sunday is my most active day instead of resting...

RAWR! My youngest daughter had court at 9:45. My oldest daughter (in state custody right now) had Court at 2PM- in my town. Yet I still forgot all about it. I even made a note for myself so I wouldn't forget. I forgot all about the note until I spoke with her (10 minutes ago).


My youngest daughters appearance went well. She admitted to everything and the judge even smirked a smile a couple of times (it's basic basic childhood shananagans stuff after all), and she handled herself perfectly. She was placed in the custody of the State in name only, so if she misses any school or gets into any trouble, the cops can pick her up then and there and they'll then send her to a shelter.
THEN we had to sign paperwork at the end. The Probation Officer forgot to mention a couple of details. My daughter and her best friend Bobbi (the one who's been practically living with us since the start of summer until this very morning when her dad picked her up for Court) can no longer see each other. I don't think they're even supposed to talk to each other on the phone.

My daughter almost started crying/almost went into a rage then and there. Thankfully, the Officer had to leave quickly and didn't see my daughter crumple and throw a copy of the paper she had signed. While driving her to school, she ranted and raved and pretty much told everyone in authority to go to hell and she said she wouldn't obey the order.
I told her I might as well turn the car around then and hand her over to the Court because she's going to end up screwing herself. She said Bobbi would ride the bus to our house tomorrow and I told her she wouldn't. If she wants to get herself in trouble, fine, but Bobbi's dad and I aren't going to go down with her. We had a huge debate.
I can see both sides. Bobbi is like a sister and the State already took one sister away from her. They're each others support system and Bobbi's a good girl (for the most part lol). Probation is going to last at least a year.

On the phone, my other daughter said she can start having her entire weekend visits back. Independent Living isn't even an option because she's not 17 and the residence she wanted to move to is currently facing legal troubles anyhow. She gets to come home for good on December 22 of this year so long as nothing drastic happens. She was so happy she didn't care that I had missed a SECOND important meeting. A meeting before the same judge

In other news, I've gotten about 4 hours of total sleep since some time yesterday. I have heartburn like mad and I'm still gassy. I guess the gas could be a stress thing because stress tends to irritate ones gallbladder which leads to gas build-up and pain. I just hope it doesn't turn into a full out attack.

I was going to bring my boys provisions today, but I'm not due until tomorrow, so I'm waiting.

FFS i failed my L's test twice. And it was so damm basic
At least i got it in the end

Do learners have to put a red L magnet on the back of their car in Australia?

Originally Posted by mooseantlers

Do learners have to put a red L magnet on the back of their car in Australia?

It goes Yellow L, Red P, Green P, Nothing

Every night, I turn to a channel called DisneyXD to watch episodes of Spiderman, X-Men, Gargoyles, and any other retro show I used to watch in my childhood. I was waiting all day long to watch tonight's episode of Spiderman (it was an episode where the X-Men make a cameo appearance and it was my absolute favorite episode when I was a kid [don't judge me]) but when I turned to the channel, I got a message saying that I need to subscribe to the channel. Hopefully it's just an error that'll be fixed soon after a quick phone call, I'll be pretty damn disappointed if it turns out that the channel will no longer be offered for free.

I could always watch these shows online but there was just something about watching them on tv like that, it was like momentarily going back to the good ol' days of being a kid. I know it's a rather trivial matter but... nostalgia... :']