Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

I just don't know sometimes.

So I've got this theory about (lucid) dreams. Which isn't gonna make sense at all probably. Like what if our dreams are reality but just in a different dimension? For example.. There are 3 major high schools in my town. I went to one for 4 years. Then I changed and went to the "second" high school for 1 year. But I never went to the third high school. But right now, I keep having dreams about hanging out with the people who go to the 'third' high school. Which I never went to. Cause we have a lot in common, but we don't actually hang out. But I would love to, I just don't know how to ask xD. So what if these are just memories, if I just would've gone to the third high school from the beginning. Then my life would've been so much better? If this makes any sense haha asdfghjkl

Further proof that christmas is shit.

So I had an idea for a present for my mum, but I can't get it until at least next year.
So it will have to be for her birthday. I just figured other people would get her presents.
My sister did get her some, and my dad got some crappy thing (as usual). So she is sad about that. (Last birthday of hers a similar thing happened too).
I don't have enough money to get anything good for christmas for anyone.
We have KK now for that side of the family and I spent over $40 on that for my grandpa. I really don't have much savings left.
It's even worse though because whoever wrote the names down for the KK is a fucking incompetent fuck.
My mum and my auntie didn't get a present at all, coz their names weren't written down. And two other people got two presents each coz their names were written down twice.
How can you fuck that up? lol

Just makes me feel bad coz she got stuff for me, and I didn't actually ask for anything for the first time ever. (Not that I always ask for stuff on these occasions, but usually she'll ask what I want instead of just getting something). And she got a few little things from my dad and sister but nothing really good, and then missed out entirely with the KK thing.
(oh, btw KK is secret Santa in America I think, lol)

Hm I dunno. I think I might give her the Raspberry Pi I just got (basically a little computer for those who don't know, not a pie lol). Just say it took a while to come in the mail or something. Some parts still haven't arrived anyway so I'll have to wait.

Another part of me just says she's being an idiot. At least she still got presents, and I said I was going to get something for her birthday, I just couldn't get it for christmas because I can't buy it yet. And she didn't really say anything, whereas I thought she'd be happy about that.

I dunno.

I just hate christmas and birthdays etc. Just give people things when you feel like it I think. With this setup we just end up with all this shit we don't need or really even want.

I just feel like ranting depressively for ages tbh lol I don't know what else to rant about though.

blah.

There was this weird thing.... okay so just yesterday I think it was, or two nights ago maybe, I was thinking randomly about a truck with a little toy truck on its dashboard, then for some reason I was thinking about the person getting like a massive toy truck on their dashboard instead of small one. Then Aly posts this picture in the everyday life thread.

Gah, picture didn't post when I edited; the Truckception thing lol

It's just so weird. I mean I think about a million things a day (as evidenced by thinking about something as stupid as a big toy truck in a truck lol) but what are the chances?

If there is some sort of precognition thing going on, it's retardedly absurd. This sort of thing seems to happen quite often, and it's usually stupid shit like this.
Give me the lotto numbers or something.

OH! fucking hell....

Okay so.... fuck this.
I'm sitting there at the family christmas thing and my mum's dog was there and my auntie (who's house we have christmas in) says the dog looks like she needs some water, and my mum says oh that's okay, you've got water here (my auntie has a dog), Oh.... wait you wouldn't have water here now would you....
I thought for a split second and suddenly realise I hadn't seen her dog today. I realise she's dead.
I didn't say anything, but I asked my sister later and she said that she got put down over a month ago. No one told me.
I loved that dog. I couldn't believe it. I mean how does that happen and I don't even find out until now?

I also realised I'd sent her an e-mail about a month ago and she said all's well here. Didn't mention anything about it.
She also didn't reply to my e-mail after that (very strange) so maybe it actually happened just after that I guess.
I did have a feeling that may have happened too, but I don't know whether I that would have been around the same time or not, could've been months ago.
I don't wanna go off the deep end thinking I'm psychic, so I'll put that one down to coincidence, or I was thinking about it at a different time. lol

Seriously though.... I don't fucking understand how that just "slips through the nets". It's not a passing thought that you just forget to tell someone.
And now it just kind of feels like it didn't really happen....
I'm lucky I didn't bring my dog this time too because he would have been really sad, he loved her as well.

Originally Posted by Crashyy

So I've got this theory about (lucid) dreams. Which isn't gonna make sense at all probably. Like what if our dreams are reality but just in a different dimension?

HOLY SHIT GUYS.
lol

There's about 80 or so applicants for this major, several moved to another major, which means their flunk ratio would be much higher. Now I'm worried if they'll be generous. The appeal answers had a 500 character limit, and I'm pretty sure I was honest in my responses.

They say that even if I set up the two required appointments, 1 of which I know the advisor, so she probably will give me some slack with the anxiety thing, because anxiety definitely something I suffer from occasionally. When it hits me, it hits hard, but with thought stopping, it goes away 90% of the time.

I hate that I have to wait until Chrimstas is over to call tomorrow for the other advisor appointment, and I hope I'll still get aid coming through. I'm kind of confused though, my advisor implies that the appeal process will go fine for me, since they said I'll still be on probation. So now I'm wondering if the appeal thing is just something to scare people, and it's really the advisor keeping track of the student's progress that keeps them in.

I mean, if I do flunk out, that's just going to drop the pass rate for Biochem overall, because with the people that dropped out before, that's at at most 60-70 now taking the course compared to 200-300 or even 500+ taking one major guideline.

But the dean probably won't give two shits about that, not that I need to meet him. I remember making a letter to him that got approved VERY quickly; so it makes me wonder if this university wants to have a successful pass rate for those majors. I don't know, it's a large school, and I doubt my worth here would be significant either way.

Damn it, if there's one thing that would make me a decent person is having no anxiety at all, but I'm not a robot, I have emotions like any other human being. Fuck you college -___-

I could care less about Christmas right now. I've become more fixated on myself rather than others. Not that I'm trying to be selfish, it's not like I'm actually driving force to a few people anyway. I've improved so much just by focusing on my own well-being, I've learned a lot, and now I feel it's just going to be in vain.



----

Anyway, Merry Christmas to those who don't bother to worry too much about things or are too rich to even care.

Originally Posted by Xei

HOLY SHIT GUYS.
lol

lol, you should read the rest of it. Instead of only one sentence.

Originally Posted by Crashyy

lol

Don't ever let the "what ifs" stop.

Originally Posted by Original Poster

Don't ever let the "what ifs" stop.

What do you mean? :L

Too much ranting going on at christmas, and we all know what happens to grumpy people at chrstmas.

I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother I hate my mother

She is a superstitious idiot with absolutely no respect for other people, while demanding infinite respect for her role as non-working housewife. She has physically abused me until age 19 and denied it all. She has never stopped emotionally abusing me, and doesn't even acknowledge that it's a type of abuse. She has paranoid personality disorder, refuses to believe she has a problem, and will not seek help because she thinks seeing a psychologist is too degrading.

I have to talk to her every day on the phone else every other member of the family starts bitching at me and making threats. Thousands of inane phonecalls, with her trying to tell me how I should eat, play, fuck, dress, who my friends should be, conspiracies that my friends tried to poison me and my parrot, offensive anti-atheist remarks, vain attempts to create sibling jealousy, accusations that I don't take my meds, accusations that I am lying to her, accusations that I'm "going crazy" any time I say anything she doesn't agree with, or express an emotion she is too stunted to identify with etc etc fucking etc.

I have 24 more hours to be in the same house as her. She's complaining about stupid things and making the usual round of threats (the most common one is, "Let's take her off our health insurance," since that is the only financial tie I have to my family). All I did was ask my dad to stop printing things (as there is no printer tray, the printer is in my room, and all the papers keep falling onto the floor at random intervals) and to email them to me instead. Only I asked mom to ask dad that, instead of asking him directly (since she came to my room to check on me).

Originally Posted by dutchraptor

Too much ranting going on at christmas, and we all know what happens to grumpy people at chrstmas.

Then Santa is a hypocrite. If he's willing to cross the line, what makes him any better than the guy who deserves a bag of coal????

Originally Posted by Linkzelda

Then Santa is a hypocrite. If he's willing to cross the line, what makes him any better than the guy who deserves a bag of coal????

Human morales cannot be applied to santa himself, he works his ass off for almost 7 billion people

Originally Posted by dutchraptor

Human morales cannot be applied to santa himself, he works his his elves work their asses off for almost 7 billion people

Fixed.

Good luck with that Link

Happy days today. Melbourne Botanic Gardens just reported that their Amorphophallus Titanum bloomed on yesterday at 3PM.
Should be able to go see it today, probably be packed as hell, their website is down probably from traffic lol. Should be good anyway.

Originally Posted by tommo

Good luck with that Link

Happy days today. Melbourne Botanic Gardens just reported that their Amorphophallus Titanum bloomed on yesterday at 3PM.
Should be able to go see it today, probably be packed as hell, their website is down probably from traffic lol. Should be good anyway.

I remember when the Titanum at UW-Madison bloomed. I spent the whole day in the conservatory with it, studying for inorganic chemistry. I spent a chunk of the day sketching the flower right on my lab report.

*Tries to on handphone*

Does a reality check, does another reality check...

No!!! I'm not dreaming, why can't my phone be on? Is it spoilt?

Originally Posted by Abra

I remember when the Titanum at UW-Madison bloomed. I spent the whole day in the conservatory with it, studying for inorganic chemistry. I spent a chunk of the day sketching the flower right on my lab report.

goddam line was massive and it shut at 4 so never would have got to see it in time. prob will be rotten by tomorrow....

oh well, another several years....

that's crazy to spend that long there, given the smell lol did you have a mask?

Ugh I really don't know what to do. So I was talking about that third high school yesterday. Well basically, the group consists of 5 girls and 5 boys or so. We have so much in common. They go to gigs all the time and they go to festivals aswell. Their music taste is totally the same as mine. I've added most of them on facebook and they all accepted me. They seem really nice and I just wish I was a part of their group. So that we could go to gigs together, hang out and that sort of stuff. But I don't know how. I'm way too shy and insecure to just ask them. They all go to the same school and they're already friends for years. And they barely know me. Life sucks.

Hahaha. Turns out my phone can't be on because the battery is flat. But I was pretty sure I charged it to full with my laptop... I wonder why? I was so tired this morning and my phone wasn't working so I was really half assuming I was in a dream although the reality feeling is hitting me hard. I almost wanted to do a "Try if I'll die" reality check.

I did pinch my nose RC, check to see if numbers will randomly jump, retrace back my steps and see if I could remember what I was doing earlier on, looking out for any random changes and see if my life goes on a logical flow (which it did, logical and mundane). I must be MAD. Why am I doing so many RCs to check if I am in reality? o_O

Originally Posted by tommo

goddam line was massive and it shut at 4 so never would have got to see it in time. prob will be rotten by tomorrow....

oh well, another several years....

that's crazy to spend that long there, given the smell lol did you have a mask?

It actually wasn't that bad. The farther away I was, the less it smelled.

My dad doesn't seem to be able to comprehend the fact that just because you knock on my bedroom door doesn't mean you can just walk in immediately after.

We went to my brother's girlfriend's family's place last night for our second Christmas dinner... a 20 pound beef roast was on the menu and they sent us home with a bag full of pizzelle (my favorite anise cookies). And earlier this week we had gnocchi. I'm glad someone finally brought an Italian into the family.

Plus we get kolaczkis from my mom and grandma (the most amazing Polish cookies ever) so we don't have to deal with those blasphemous (and dreadful) store-bought kolaczkis.

AAAHHHHHHHH FOOD.

Link, Tommo, Abra.

lol Carrot. I never do reality checks. I guess that's why I suck so much at lucid dreaming

Hubby and I went out on Christmas Eve and we ate at Taco Bell. I might have written this already lol. Anyhow... we both got a minor case of food poisoning. I spent yesterday on the toilet for the most part. Hubby went out to eat with his daughter, but barely made it there and back because of his stomach.
Other than that, all is well. Nice and quiet.
I saw my p-doc this morning, which was great as always.

Last night, hubby asked me what I talked about for so long as often as I see him. I spoke in a slightly exaggerated whiny voice and said: "He's [p-doc's] my only friend."
Hubby laughed and said "Sounds like the strip clubs." To which I quickly replied: "Except nobody gets naked... hey, I think I'm getting ripped off "
Hubby used to go to the clubs and buy privates just to cuddle and chat with the girls. He hates being alone. I guess the 2 are very similar in that regard- they cater (in part) to lonely people who want attention, affection etc. That kind of makes me sad now lol

As for the smell of cigarettes... ugh. I don't know why I'm smoking in such excess these last couple of weeks. But the smell is even bothering me. When I'm alone in my room I don't really notice it. But if I'm standing in a store or in the car I do. Maybe I'm just self-conscious at those times.

My "anxiety" is a little crazy today for no reason. I've been excessively yawning. I HATE that

Originally Posted by Alyzarin

My dad doesn't seem to be able to comprehend the fact that just because you knock on my bedroom door doesn't mean you can just walk in immediately after.

My mom does the same thing. Just tell your dad what I told her:

What if I was masturbating?