Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

I keep thinking I'm over my social anxiety but I'm really not. Apparently I can't even join a Minecraft server with people I don't know without tensing up in nervousness. And if they actually try to talk to me.... fuck that, hit the 'x', lol. This is why I need alcohol.

Yeah.... I think I may have a drinking problem.

Is that where you've been these last few days?

Amurehna, Hathor, Dianeva, Tommo.

I don't think those thoughts make you a terrible person, Amurehna. Sorry for your loss and the extra stress that comes with it.

So glad you had a great day, Suena!!

I've been crocheting up a storm, watching hulu and hanging out at the crochet forum. I made myself a sort of pack purse last night. It took $6. and 7 hours to make and I am VERY pleased with the result Now I'm making a coin pouch with the left over yarn.
I'm still fighting nausea. My doc prescribed 20 Zofran and I've been taking 1-2 every day. I don't know why I've been so nauseous but it's driving me bananas. I'm no longer dehydrated. I'm not sick. My blood work came back fine and I feel otherwise a-okay.

I've been out with hubby 3 times in the last week or so. Once for his surprise party, once to the Outback and last night to another restaurant. It's been nice seeing him more. Now if only he could throw in some sex. Almost 4 years without is killing me!!!!!! But until I've successfully stopped smoking for 6-12 months, he's cut me off

Originally Posted by Dianeva

Is that where you've been these last few days?

heh, no it's not THAT bad, not drinking all day or anything. I've just been ranting less, things are generally okay, and I don't have much to really go insane over.
And haven't been on Steam coz no time for games, I was actually looking for a new car these past 3 or 4 days, coz my old one just shat itself.
It was billowing smoke and sounded like a dying cat lol I mean so much smoke I couldn't even see anything behind me.

Can't remember whether I ranted about that already. But yeah.... so was looking for a new car.
I found a good one, but the guy wanted 13000 not including on road costs etc. I got the price down to 11000 including on road costs. But it was still too much, then he got pissed off coz I said I'm not gonna buy it lol What a moron.

Anyway, luckily my mum found a good deal at a better place, basically new car - 2012, 9000km on it and $5000 off what a completely new one costs.
Super economical too, 5.4 litres per 100km. So I'm really happy about that. Now I gotta pay it off though lol....

No, you didn't rant about that before but now you have.

I'm gonna stop trying to invent rants because I really want to do a rave. About half an hour ago I was walking on this trail by the water during sunset, and this young Asian couple were walking into a field with tall grass, the guy had his arm around the girl's shoulders, and I thought "going into the forest to fuck, have fun..." then I noticed the girl was carrying something colorful and I realized it was a bouquet of flowers. I was confused, then they stopped and started talking. Then the guy slowly got down on one knee. The girl was getting excited and smiling and stuff, then the guy talked for a bit and stood up and they hugged. She'd obviously said yes. I was stuck between being drawn and wanting to keep watching them, and knowing they needed privacy and not wanting to interrupt. I compromised by continuing my pace but looking back a couple times. I was far enough away though that I pretty much saw the whole thing. I've never seen a proposal in real life. It was so nice to see. The whole idea of romance I find to be fabricated and kind of stupid, but still, just the knowledge that it was a huge moment for them and that they must both have been so nervous and excited and happy.

I was [THIS] close to liking that post...

Originally Posted by Dianeva

The whole idea of romance I find to be fabricated and kind of stupid...

...but that completely killed it, for me. Lol.

lol Oneironaut.

Sounds precious, Dianeva.
Glad you mom found you a better deal, Tommo!!

My rant is basic arthritis. I popped my previously broken wrist sometime while I slept and now I can't move my wrist without discomfort.
And I had a major apnea event at some point. I recall waking quickly, not being able to breathe, but I fell right back to sleep. I usually don't notice my sleep apnea. When hubby and I went on our last trip, we actually shared a bed and he noticed I had stopped breathing several times. :shrug:

Sleeping on that metal desk is becoming tiring lol It's comfortable enough, and I don't wake with a backache, but it's not quite long enough. My feet hang off the bottom which would normally be okay because I tend to move around and do such in a bed as well. But because it's a metal desk and not a soft bed, I wake up a lot because my feet hurt from being pressed against an edge. I need to find a way to cushion it...

That's it for me. Time to get back to crocheting lol
Hope everyone has a great day

I hate spewing drama into the Internet, but the shit is getting so deep that it's about to break the dam.

Holy fucking Christ my brother is pissing me off. There's waaay more shit than is going into this post, so here's what's boiling off the top of my head now. I put him on my 'family plan' cell service a few years back when he lost his job and told him that I would at least keep his phone on for a few months while he found a new job. Time went on and he landed a job. He started paying his bill most of the time while he got caught up on bills and whatever. Now, he just landed a better paying job and suddenly has no money to pay his phone. I've asked him and asked him and asked him to either pay for his phone or just fucking tell me that he can't. If he tells me he can't, then I can budget the month without his contribution.

So, now, he first says that he will pay his current back bills, 3 payments ~$300.00. Then, he says that he will come and help me clean up and work on my old house in preparation for a home inspection in a week or so. I said that if he helped me do some work, he could work off the dept for the phone. So, this morning, I call him to find out where he's at and I get no answer. NO ANSWER ON THE FUCKING PHONE WHICH I AM PAYING FOR... ...then, a few minutes later, I get a text spewing some kind of drama about being busy today. He has done this countless times when I an expecting that he will be there to help me. ...and it's always some fucking kind of bullshit excuse. Well, this is the last fucking time...

I just cut off his phone from my 'family plan' and have severed any and all financial ties from me. I fucking dare him to ask me for fuel money to get to work again. AT the current time, I couldn't give a fuck less... ...until he makes some kind of effort... ...oh yeah, there's the $20, $40, $100, $whatever here and there so he can get to work. For which, I haven't seen a fucking dime in return, not even some help working on stuff around the house or anything. I'm fucking done. The fucking well has dried up.

That's all...

So ... hi

Originally Posted by Oneironaut Zero

...but that completely killed it, for me. Lol.

Guess I've never been subjected to much romance, and the couple times I have it's seemed fake and awkward, like it requires not knowing the person well and trying to woo them. So if you actually do know each other well and are always honest then it feels like an act. Maybe my relationships have been stronger on the friendship side than most people's, so if someone did something 'romantic' we'd probably just laugh as it would seem ridiculous. Of course there are feelings of bonding/love but it has to be real and come naturally. Intentionally setting up a situation in which those feelings are supposed to arise seems far from natural, like it would just be awkward. I'm definitely open to the possibility that I'm completely wrong here. Maybe it's just me, or I have some core concept wrong here.

Originally Posted by Dianeva

I'm definitely open to the possibility that I'm completely wrong here. Maybe it's just me, or I have some core concept wrong here.

Yeah, if you want anything to bring about real and coming by naturally, there's not really a perfect model to go by. It will obviously be awkward and ridiculous in how a person would want to woo another person, because it's just habits we feel will eventually fit into place and change into something greater. Some may have more experience to not go through that and has a more natural vibe than what a young person like me doesn't know about yet, and some are just all over the place in how they interact with people.

It's the thought behind the wooing, bouquet of flowers, and bending down on one knee that counts Dianeva. We can't know the totality of a person's character without going through the awkward stages initially. Friends are easier to be with because we don't apply the intentions of being intimate with them, we know that they have their own space and we have ours, the closer we get to a person with intentions of being intimate, the more awkward, "fake," "unnatural" it will feel.

That's why older people can have a better mental dance with others because they got out of the idiosyncrasies before when they were younger.

Zhaylin: I know it's been a few days but I'm glad you're back!

Have you considered aspartame as part of the feeling sick thing? My husband and I went on an all-natural diet and about two weeks in I got a craving for some sugar, so I ate some yogurt with aspartame. Pretty soon after I got a wicked headache, my stomach felt bad, and I was really dizzy. The yogurt itself was way before the "best by" date. If nothing else is working might as well give removing it from your diet a shot.

Rant/Complain: I've been getting really violent urges for a while now. I don't know what to do with them, after dissecting it in my head I can't find any reason for them other than just plain old animal instincts, but dude. How do I get them out? I've just been waiting for them to pass but it's tough and they always come back. I'm worried about catharsis because I wonder if that would really help or just make it worse. I'm not a bad person and I'm not going to hurt anyone but ugh. I'd do anything to make this side of me happy. Even going for a run outside doesn't help much.

AnderJ You have a whole lot more patience than I would!
I hope he gets his act together soon (before you bludgeon him).

Hi Khh

Thanks NewArtemis I despise "fake sugar" in all it's forms lol. That's definitely not it for me. I avoid the stuff like the plague!
My diet is basically unchanged: Slim Jims, Nutty Bars, Chips, Coke. That's the main stuff I live off of. Not the healthiest diet in the least, but it agrees with me most of the time. I'm still smoking. Nothing's changed which is why the nausea is so confusing. All of my medical tests came back well (cholesterol is just a tad high). My blood pressure actually runs low. I'd understand if I got dizzy and nauseous when standing and such, but it hits completely randomly and usually when I'm sitting about doing nothing in particular.

Sorry you're feeling so angry. Have you tried exercising? There's one thing my former Karate Instructor made us do a LOT that he called the boxing shuffle. It was sort of like bouncing from foot to foot in a rhythmic sort of way. While we did that, he'd have us throw punches, gouges, block, whatever. It's awesome lol and a superb way of venting excess energy or anger.

My rant is that I woke up with a massive headache, congestion, slight sore throat. Ugh. I've also been passively scratching at my leg since yesterday. But it leaked earlier so I looked down, sure I was bleeding but I wasn't (I scratch with the flats of my nails so it's more like friction). I do that often. It's like I leak plasma or something and it's weird.
But I looked down again, and I have a bunch of weird bumps on my leg. They're slightly raised and have a "dimple" in the center. Bug bites? Great.

Time to try to kill this headache!

Yech, hope you feel better!

What's weird is it's not an anger thing, I can be feeling any emotion under the sun and still feel violent. I work out 3+ times a week and while it does help get energy out it doesn't get the feeling out. It's like I need to go hunting or something. Sounds really stupid saying it

My sister moved out of the house since 2 days ago. I didn't think it would make me feel this lonely. Now it's just me and my dad in a house too huge for the two of us.

Just had a thought and what I've read seems to confirm it. Maybe it's OCD. Definitely preferable to going psycho, but the compulsion is still there. Blah.

Originally Posted by Dianeva

Guess I've never been subjected to much romance, and the couple times I have it's seemed fake and awkward, like it requires not knowing the person well and trying to woo them. So if you actually do know each other well and are always honest then it feels like an act. Maybe my relationships have been stronger on the friendship side than most people's, so if someone did something 'romantic' we'd probably just laugh as it would seem ridiculous. Of course there are feelings of bonding/love but it has to be real and come naturally. Intentionally setting up a situation in which those feelings are supposed to arise seems far from natural, like it would just be awkward. I'm definitely open to the possibility that I'm completely wrong here. Maybe it's just me, or I have some core concept wrong here.

I totally get what you mean. I went to my cousin's 21st the other day, and those speeches things have always felt the same way to me. It's like this.... totally unnatural thing to do, which is premeditated and has a set formula. Even if the speech is great, it still just seems.... to borrow a 4chan saying, fake and gay. I feel the same way about romantic things as well, pretty much. Although I have started to just sort of "go with" both of them more recently. You sort of have to let go of your ego and just dive in to the moment and stop feeling so awkward. It's difficult though for sure. Especially when you can rationalise why the thing is so lame in the first place.

Can't win em all.

I've dedicated countless hours of counseling to what appears to be a reverse prism-- someone who takes a rainbow and simplifies it into something more simple, less exciting (to them). Even more, they seem to be wearing sunglasses while attempting to observe any proposed white light I might be trying to shine. It's just futile. He'll have to find his own ways, it just sucks so see someone slowly dying.

So far the only thing beneficial for him, temporarily, was ayahuasca.

That perfect moment when you're too awake to fall back asleep and too tired to do anything else

Also my internet keeps going out because of all the college students that moved back for the fall semester. They'd better fix this...

This is hard to admit, but I sort of feel slightly depressed now. School's starting monday and suddenly I'm scared if the study I'm going to follow will be interesting at all... I'm going to quit smoking weed when school starts and it makes me feel uneasy. Weed is a big demotivator. I already stopped smoking cigs since nearly 3 weeks ago. I feel good about that though.

Just scared of wether this study will really interest me. If you have any insight or advice to share about this I would appreciate it.

Yep, I do. What are you studying btw?

Either way, if you're not actively involved with whatever it is in your everyday life, I would say you're probably going to start to get disinterested. However, that doesn't mean don't do it. It just means you're going to have to cultivate an interest in the course. At the very least, you have a mild interest in it now, figure out why that is and then basically build upon that interest. If that makes sense.

Also remember what you want to do with the course after you've finished, and keep it in mind, but don't make the entire experience about that end goal. Enjoy the classes for the things you are learning.

I find immersion in the topic is a really good part of keeping interest, and finding just particularly moving applications of the course of study. No matter what area there's probably something to keep you inspired to move forward with your focus study. Even if the course itself is not the most interesting, always think of applications, ways you can use your knowledge to model other things, and keep your creativity flowing. The knowledge you're learning will definitely be valuable, but you have to get yourself hungry for it too, and it'll be a lot more satisfying.

Good luck my friend, I know there's only positive outcomes from the hard work you put in.


Also this is quite awful to complain about but i'll do it anyway; I was looking forward to tripping today, but didn't get to, and this weekend my girlfriends parents will be home the whole time so it looks like it's unlikely to happen at all during my stay here unless we decide to pull an allnighter tomorrow night. I've gotten over the anticipation, but it would just be nice, I've been looking forward to it for some time now. 4-ho-mipt has been just an overall purge of anxieties for me, and really makes me feel good about the pursuit of my dreams. Sometimes it just feels right, and today felt right, but whatever, maybe I need to prolonge it indefinitely and have myself always feeling "right". It is the ideal mindframe to have I must say.