Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

Edit:

Never mind. And I see. At least things are settled now, but obviously your life isn't over, man. Hope you have a good time though.

lol, and it turns around again.
I have a very strong feeling you're going to end up together anyway. You both know you like each other but now it's like that 'forbidden love' thing which just makes it more appealing. You'll end up kissing her and it will be really hot and you'll have to keep it a secret which makes it sexier. Just a prediction, but I can't imagine anything else coming from that situation, unless one of you quits the job or something.

Originally Posted by Linkzelda

Edit:

Never mind. And I see. At least things are settled now, but obviously your life isn't over, man. Hope you have a good time though.

Damn man, you deleted a massive, good post. Can't believe you'd go to all that effort and then just delete it lol (got it in e-mail).

Originally Posted by Dianeva

lol, and it turns around again.
I have a very strong feeling you're going to end up together anyway. You both know you like each other but now it's like that 'forbidden love' thing which just makes it more appealing. You'll end up kissing her and it will be really hot and you'll have to keep it a secret which makes it sexier. Just a prediction, but I can't imagine anything else coming from that situation, unless one of you quits the job or something.

haha No, it probably won't happen. Besides, I don't think she's the type that would just kiss someone so easily.
She is going to leave in like 6 months, when she gets the job at the other place, which she's just interning at now.

I think it's a pretty mutual "you're nice and good looking and i have a crush on you but nothing will happen, maybe in a different time, a different place it could have, but not now". Basically.

The weirdest fucking thing is I feel happy. lol

Oh well, I guess we'll see what happens on monday.... maybe I can figure out another way to screw it up

EDIT: Depressed again now. If I was sri lankan she would have gone out with me.... fuck humans and their shitty religions/cultures/bullshit ideas....

I've been planning to paint today for about two weeks, had everything all set up, and now I realize I can't find my big brushes. I've looked everywhere for over an hour. Doing certain parts of the picture without them would be a huge pain in the ass. So now I have to go buy new ones instead of making happy little clouds. Grrrr.

Earphones are just one of those things that becomes miserable to deal with when the wires get messed up and eventually snap off, or they're still intact and you have to perform miracles just to get one end to transmit sound, only to just give up in the end and buying another one. But I don't want to buy another one with a debit card, just pure cash. It's like going on a dungeon quest in a Legend of Zelda game to see if there's any spares that I wasn't aware of. Man, if I can't have my music playing while doing other things, I have to either use the default sound on my laptop, or just deal with no music at all. Music helps me relax a bit more when working out, almost like a meditative state I guess, and I can really push myself and get a good workout, but now I'll just have to visualize certain things to distract me a bit without the music.

Rave: Although it's not much, I burned over at least 1,500 calories working out this week, and every time I workout, I feel more refreshed and energized, and wanting to do more. Even though it's been mostly stationary cycling and the usually weights stuff with as many parts of my body worked out as possible, I can go at things for a good amount of time, especially today when I cycled for 65 minutes in one go, and burned like 431 calories and then 100 more in a short session (even though that measurement is purely conceptual on a machine that can't take into account of gravity and other factors with real cycling). I look forward into doing real cycling, especially anything with hills and such.

Rave: Upgraded Manga Studio 5 to Manga Studio 5 EX, and even though there's only a few changes in EX compared to the default one, the story mode is really the miracle I needed. I've been doing my best to be more imaginative and taking full advantage of the 1,000s of dreams I recalled in these short years and finding which ones to draw out. I already have some sketches for one already, and all I need is to get some time to DO it now. But with so many things to learn and do, it's more of a time management issue. I probably should get a schedule set up so I don't end up being that guy looking at all sorts of information and not being productive. And hopefully this company I've been lurking out on will eventually consider me in their desires to find artists who can emulate photo-realism drawings, because if I can get a spot with them, there's just so much damn potential.

The fastest I've been able to draw something was maybe 4 hours, and that was setting up a restriction with myself with gridding rather than free-handing. It's just that because I didn't have the confidence I had with free-handing in the past that made me revert to grid drawing because I wanted to practice seeing what's actually there rather than trying to emulate what I want to think is there. And the idea of drawing without lineart in advance sounds very taxing, but I already know what I need to do: practice, practice. Man, so many tools at my disposal with drawing now, and the same for other things like meditation and self-hypnosis that it feels like I'm being overloaded with useful and productive things. And looking at those other artists on deviant art that really make some top-notch stuff, I'm more calmed down and seeing how they would go about making the art instead of being one of the common people that go "omfsdajgksfjfksdjfksajfk you are soooo amazing."

Rant: It really pisses me off when people don't understand it's more of learning how to make things simple and faster in art when you know what the tools/brushes/tones/layers/etc. will get you to. But it's always this raging fucktards that want to see your ability to push pixels without a grid or anything. Do these people ever for once consider that if you just practice with tools long enough, you'll be able to eventually shift into free-handing because obviously, your brain is going to be more proficient and calculated the varying shades, hues, etc. when you practiced long enough. But it's always, "No I want to see you push pixels or shift grains on your paper free handed before I consider you an "original artist."

Man, people are still stuck in the old ages with drawing lately, always trying to find petty little shit to magnify and think that because you can't do this, you're a "cheat" "copycat" etc. Even though it's not directed at me, seeing it happen with way better artists can be mentally exhausting, especially those who make money out of it and all people can do is become jealous in their ability to do so, and fast too!

I am SO addicted to any salty snack that has LIME in it right now!! It all started when i tried the new lime popcorn....now i'm eating a bag full of rice chips with lime flavor!!! O_o

Got my first kitchen design appointment with a customer tomorrow. I hope I don't screw it up >.<

And if I do? So what! It's a learning experience. I have spent way too much time worrying over mistakes. I just have to accept them and move on knowing I will be more prepared next time.

Having mental breakdowns at the worst times and having nobody to talk to as usual and kids screaming at you because they need things constantly and the guilt and the hate and the screaming and everything......fuck.

I don't think I'm going to make it to 25... and yeah, I did this to myself. I did it. That makes me one out of millions of other fucking idiots out there. I get that. I give up. I guess that's what I am and always will be, at least until I'm 25, then I'll probably have had an aneurysm or a heart attack or something...

Spoiler for Rave - university:

I originally raved about this in the happy & cheerful thread but I'll say it here and elaborate a bit because some people don't read that thread. The main point of anxiety in my mind for the last couple years, especially the last few months, has been that I haven't gotten into university and am so behind in my degree. I was surprised when I didn't get in but eventually got used to the disappointment, and just resolved to endure through whatever I needed to do, accept this miserable life, keep applying for next year and hope that I get in. Keep living with my passive aggressive parents who just make me feel more guilty than I already am about it all. A month ago, I submitted the grades to the university from the courses I just took which I did well in, just in case. Then a couple days ago I e-mailed them, just in case there was a chance, while really I was about 99.5% sure it was too late and kind of felt stupid for even trying.

Then today, I checked the university account and it looked different somehow. The regular 'application status' button wasn't there. Instead I saw a message that said "you have 1 new alert," opened it and it says "Congratulations, you've been accepted into the bachelor of science in computer science program!" or something like that. I could hardly believe I was reading it right. I didn't even become ecstatic right away... I can't even explain what I was feeling. It was this excitement boiling up inside me that wanted to get out, but there was so much shock, and I was really calm, thinking really clearly for some reason, everything was like... slow motion. Then I finally let myself get excited for a few minutes while telling my parents, boyfriend, friend and DV about it.

This is good for so many reasons. I'll be a year ahead in my studies, my parents won't be making me feel like shit about school anymore, I don't think I'll even need to worry about getting a job now which has been an ongoing stress for the last month. I may even be living on campus or something in a month or two when classes start, away from my parents.

Spoiler for More rave:

I've been feeling good lately anyway for other reasons too, even before I found out about this. I've been practicing programming again, everything's been going really well with everyone, my relationship is going well, I'm losing weight, I've been learning to drive again, I quit smoking, I'm practicing violin, I've resolved to quit drinking so much and am really succeeding. I've been thinking differently Little things, like, I've been more adventurous; while walking I've been going down paths I've never been down before, just to try different things, hoping it will carry through as a metaphor for my thoughts.

I've been feeling more mature than I ever have. It's hard to describe. Like I've broadened my view on things, I'm not letting myself get caught up in details so much that I can't see the big picture. And unlike the others times I've tried to change myself in this way, I don't have this nagging fear in the back of my mind that "I better hold onto this feeling or everything's going to go back to how it was," dooming it to fail. I know it isn't going to go back to how it was. I don't expect myself to be blissfully happy all the time. I'm going to be depressed sometimes, I'm going to have to exert myself. But this indescribable thing about myself has nonetheless changed.

It may all have to do with simply ceasing to be so hard on myself. To actually feel proud of accomplishments. Letting go of my complete self-hatred. It started when I let myself feel proud of the fact that I quit smoking. I noted that I'd done something good which takes a lot of willpower, which so many people try to do and which most people fail at. But I did it somehow. Normally I'd never let myself feel proud of an accomplishment. I'd just think it's something I should have done anyway rather than an 'accomplishment', it or tell myself I didn't really do anything and was lucky. So it felt really weird to feel good about myself for something. And then stuff kept piling on, I released some of the hatred I had for myself. I'm not seeing everything through an irrationally happy lens that will go away. I'm just viewing things realistically. I know that terrible things can happen. I know that my mind is going to rebound from all this happiness and I'll find some reason to be depressed, probably later today even. But there's just no point in expecting things to go badly and hating myself for no reason at all. That was an irrational belief, which I held so deeply I didn't even know what it was like not to have it. I'm not completely rid of it but I feel like I've shed a layer.

And this was all before I realized today that I've been accepted into the university. That's why this feels so weird, because I was feeling relatively good even before that. So now that I've been accepted.... it's like, fuck. Like I want to feel good of course, but this is too much of a change in too short a time. I can barely handle it mentally. I feel like I've won the lottery or something. But like that guy in Lost who won the lottery, like bad stuff is going to start happening.

Now for the rant part. I'm just not used to anything good happening and I feel really weird. Like this is literally too good to be true and something really, really bad is going to happen. I told my dad this while he was driving me somewhere, and I felt like we were going to get into a car crash or something. Sure enough, he got into a fender bender. The cars were both going high-speed and almost parallel. If they'd hit at a little more of an angle, I'm sure it would have been a lot worse. But this was the closest thing to a 'car accident' I've ever experienced. I know that it was a coincidence that this happened today, unless he was doing it subconsciously (although it was the other guy's fault) but it was a really eerie coincidence. This human tendency to treat the universe like it's alive and needs to balance out the good and bad in my life, is really affecting me right now, even though I know it isn't true. I feel like the universe is playing tricks on me or something, having fun with me, making good shit happen just so that it can destroy my life. It's just such a strange coincidence, that on the one day I go out feeling strongly that we're going to get into an accident, a bad one almost happens. Anyway, I know that even if nothing bad happens, eventually my mind will have taken all the happy chemicals it can, sense an imbalance and force me to be upset about something. The happiness itself is already making me feel uncomfortable, like I want to be a bit miserable.

And another coincidence, of course, is the fact that I got accepted into the university just a few days after I'd started to feel good about myself. It's not like one could have caused the other, but I almost feel like they did, and again like the universe is conscious and is planning my life. Like that 'The Secret' thing is true, that feeling good about stuff brings good things to you. But I know that's bs... or I'm pretty sure it is. It's not like this one instance will make me believe it, but it's still eerie.

Originally Posted by Suena

I don't think I'm going to make it to 25... and yeah, I did this to myself. I did it. That makes me one out of millions of other fucking idiots out there. I get that. I give up. I guess that's what I am and always will be, at least until I'm 25, then I'll probably have had an aneurysm or a heart attack or something...

That was one of those rants I probably should have deleted before posting. :/

Ugh. I went and got a bunch of job applications today and as I'm sitting here filling them out I realized nobody decent will hire me because of my job history. It sucks that if you have a few jobs that you went back and forth at they completely disregard your reasons. I understand that it looks bad and that they don't have time to dwell on the reasons for leaving and everything, but it just screws me over.

If I could just land a decent paying job, even if it's minimum wage, whatever I guess, but one where I can prove to myself and others that I CAN maintain a job for longer than a year then maybe it won't look so bad anymore? I don't know. I don't think anyone would be willing to give me the chance, EXCEPT maybe one of my previous jobs, but then that would just be going BACK AGAIN. :////

I want to move forward, but all of this job crap makes me want to just give up and stay home, but I'm tired of relying on other people. I'm tired of using a vision card when I am perfectly capable of working.

I used to be such a good worker, such a self-starter. I was good at my jobs, even if it was only fast food, but I was a really good employee. Now I feel so controlled and like I have to depend on other people for mine and my children's needs. One income is not enough, I know this, but why isn't anyone pushing me to get a job??? Namely, the man of the house.

I don't understand why he isn't enthused about me getting a job to help further us. It's like he doesn't believe I can hold a job. But I can and I did fine without him for a while. Hell, he worked with me and he knew I was a good worker but we have a couple of kids and suddenly it's me who needs to stay home. Like I can't make money? I don't know...

I think he just hates that I will be getting out of the house and socializing in a work environment...

I'm tempted to go back to my past employer... I believe he would take me back in a heartbeat. I'd be working with people I know and a job I know and a job I like. It was a stressful job, but at least I always knew what to do and how to get things done. Ughhh...

I need more supportive people in my life. Whenever I make a decision to better myself or my family, someone always tries to knock me down... tells me to stay put... I'm about to just start telling these people to screw off... I'm not a dependent...

This Saturday marks one month of unemployment. I decided about a week or two ago to go back to school for Forensic Psychology. The issue is it'll be expensive, but when I am done that I can actually get a job in a variety of fields until I am ready to get my doctorate. My goal is to do Clinical Psychology with an emphasis on psychonautics. I spoke to a professor and he was fascinated with my ideas, so that's a plus. It just sucks I have to change my life basically. Ah well.

Originally Posted by Suena

....

Uhhhh.... did I miss something. Are you back with that guy again?

This depresses me greatly. I was just thinking the other day how well you must be doing without him and I was happy for you.

Originally Posted by tommo

Uhhhh.... did I miss something. Are you back with that guy again?

This depresses me greatly. I was just thinking the other day how well you must be doing without him and I was happy for you.

That only happened with hathor, unless I missed something.

Originally Posted by Suena

That was one of those rants I probably should have deleted before posting. :/

Ugh. I went and got a bunch of job applications today and as I'm sitting here filling them out I realized nobody decent will hire me because of my job history. It sucks that if you have a few jobs that you went back and forth at they completely disregard your reasons. I understand that it looks bad and that they don't have time to dwell on the reasons for leaving and everything, but it just screws me over....

Okay now it's my turn to make this rant MORE believable! This post ^ just makes me want to rant because i am SICK OF THIS JOB SEARCHING SHIT!!! It's been TWO fucking years searching and found crap that will call me back!
I HAVE GREAT JOB HISTORY AND SHIT...no one calls....it has NOTHING TO DO WITH THE DAMNED TIMES YOU HAD WITH A PREVIOUS EMPLOYER and shit...sorry not mad at you just the industry and system! I been at a mandatory 6 month program that the social assistance referred me to help get a job...guess what...IT WAS BULL SHITA! ALL THAT PROGRAM DID WAS WAKE ME THE FUCK UP AND REALIZE THAT THIS JOB SYSTEM IS TOTALLY FUCKED NOW!!!
All i seen was great management people with 10 plus years or more of work experience and IS TRYING TO FIND A JOB THRU SOCIAL ASSISTANCE HELP FROM GOV! I seen 10 and 20 years of industry experience people, heard their comments and personal stories!!!
It wasn't a program to help you find a job it was bull crap! All we had to hear was from a job searching teacher to tell lies to us that we CAN find a job but all we have to do is search full time and at least search for 20 plus jobs a WEEK and apply to them!?
LADY?!, i can't do that there is NO updates online about the certain job i want and 20 plus will never cut it...all i had was 7 per week and it was at the same companies.
Then she said to us....it's not good to apply the same company when they already said no...WTFF!!!??? OK THEN WHAT??!!!
She said go search in different means, like linkedin, EVEN THE FUCKING WHITE PAGES TO LOOK FOR BUSINESSES AND CALL THEM UP IF THEY HAVE JOBS AVAILABLE?? WTF THAT'S NOT EVEN HELPFUL BECAUSE JOB ADS TELL YOU IF THEY WANT JOBS OR NOT!!
(Takes deep breath and exhales)!
All i got to say is the job system is rigged from the gov, there is no jobs, businesses have to pretend they have jobs for people when they clearly don't need anymore people. Gov wants this to happen so people don't cause an uprising because there's NO jobs, the ads, signs and automatic applications are ALL a hoax!
You can beat yourself up hard for a job, I AM DONE WITH THIS JOB BULL SHIT SYSTEM!!! 2 YEARS AND NO JOB? SORRY BUT I AM A GREAT JOB WORKER, AND THIS NEVER CAME TO PASS THAT I HAD TO SEARCH THIS LONG.
My husband thinks i am not searching for a job HARD enough...okay buddy good luck in Detroit while you are there. I'm being a homemaker and probably going to start thinking of having my own job to work at home.
Also had a very bad, and vile dream today was mad and shit and crying too and people just want to fight with me while i'm down!
I'm a independent person as well, i don't like asking for money, i'm not a bum under social assistance, the gov just seemed like they are forcing me to. So fuck off with your welfare jokes.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmtNuXLNUac
Watch and listen people....we need to stop lying to ourselves....

bloody hell! i just lied in my bed completely still for about 3 hours trying to pull off WILD out of nowhere when i have no previous success with the technique. no sleep for me- i'm such a dumbass.

Rave:

For the past few weeks I did some mental exercises with image streaming and associated it with things like dream recall and many other things. It's amazing how the science behind image streaming and other factors completely destroys my previous thinking that lucid dreaming or just recalling or being able to imagine things on the spot is so hard. But it's clearly not even though I've only went though maybe a few good hours practicing these exercises.

It's crazy, just closing my eyes, stacking what I practiced before and seeing it clear in my mind's eye is crazy that makes conventional meditation with long, dragged out, and gradual stages of relaxation look outdated. I'm seriously glad I have something that works for me without worrying about people who tell you have to reach skills in visualization and such through third-eye chakra opening, 7 chakra activation, or some other metaphysical speculation that only caters to people who have no other ways to build competence in visual, auditory, and other sensory prowess.

Hell, for the past few weeks, working out in the gym and doing other things is a freaking pleasure for me, and the best part is that this isn't the type of behavior where a person tries to deny or sugar-coat whatever faults or failures may come, this is something where a person just knows sitting down and doing nothing and only thinking without than making a means to produce the ideas you have in mind. This probably might be a short-lived state of optimism for me, but I guess it's just about finding ways to clear our the muddy and murky thoughts that comes with negative emotions we all go through from time to time. I just need to get these ideas I'm having in my head, all of these thoughts that can be made into stories and produce them before more new thoughts come in and makes me filled with enthusiasm just from how far I've worked to get to this state.

Rave:

This is kind of a messed up Rave, I think? But whatever. I noticed how I get really pissed off at some people I meet and work with in waking life, and it's so easy to just want to really shut these people down and go ballistic on them with wording, but there's really no point in doing that when you can just work on yourself and only for yourself until you get the opportunity the produce something that will sustain yourself. That way, the thoughts of anger, anguish, and negative emotions you had for another person because of how they treated you just becomes something petty, and it's unfortunate that most of my friends I talk to face-to-face sometimes never let themselves do something good for themselves if they just stopped pouring every ounce of their being into other people's lives. It's one thing to be considerate and empathetic for people, but if it gets to the point where you're focusing only on that and you can't produce some productivity, ideas, inspirations, etc. for yourself, it's just leading yourself into a ditch all over while you think you're a hero helping these people out.

Rave:

I love how if I'm actually doing a drawing rather than spending hours trying to think of what to do when I can just let my imagination do it for me is going to help me in the long run. Man, ideas coming left and right that my tablet can't even keep up with this. I guess that should be a good thing.


Yeah, I'm fucking happy, even in minor episodes of de-motivation, depression, etc., I will still find some way to just get it out of the way and move on. Deal with it.

Just poking my head in with a gross rant: bedbugs

I think I must have been in denial for the past couple months, because just today when I caught one of these things and discovered it was full of blood did it occur to me that hey, maybe I have bedbugs. I'd been writing off the itchy spots as heat rash, and when I first saw the bugs I just confirmed that they weren't young roaches and left it at that. Even when I found blood spots on my sheets I just figured I had a cut or a scratched-open bug bite, but now that I'm looking there are quite a few spots.

So now the war begins. The buggers are notoriously hard to get rid of, and the effective methods are a little wild. There are several straight-up poisons, but the bedbugs re-infesting the developed world are resistant to a lot of them. Also, by the time you know you have bedbugs, they've probably established harborages (like a nest, but more sinister) in every crack in the baseboards and crease in the furniture, and they can hole up there for a year without feeding. The nuclear option the pros will offer is to bake all of your furniture and/or your home at 140F+ for a while, which will run $1-3k and still runs a high risk of missing some critters. The best DIY option seems to be vacuuming the hell out of the furniture, spraying down as many harborages as you can find, and then covering everything in a fine dusting of diatomaceous earth (DE), the crumbled silicate exoskeletons of prehistoric microbes, or basically powdered glass. If you've knocked them back enough, the DE will make the environment hostile enough for the remainder to die off. It's jagged and porous, so it will hook into their exoskeletons and leach away the lipid layer on the surface, leading to dehydration.

There's also a bug-killer fungus that has been found to take out bedbugs in the lab, including spreading back to the harborages, but the research is thin. The concentrated spores have been used outdoors as organic pesticide for decades and should be harmless to humans... Of course, some people have gone ahead and tried it, with mixed results. I'm thinking we need a little more information on how to apply the stuff indoors in a way that the spores stay viable long enough and come in contact with enough bugs to establish a critical mass of infected. Regardless, it's experimental and probably not the first thing to try.

My last resort will be running naked to a new apartment where I will buy all new clothes and furniture.

^^ YIKES!!! good luck with that. did you travel anywhere recently?

.....

Urgh. Life's a pile of disappointment and frustration.

I really miss my boyfriend. I miss being so close to him and feeling like I know him properly. Like I know him better than I know myself. Just miss everything really. Makes me sad everytime we talk. Just. Murgh.

*complains pitifully about her brilliant life*

Originally Posted by tommo

Uhhhh.... did I miss something. Are you back with that guy again?

This depresses me greatly. I was just thinking the other day how well you must be doing without him and I was happy for you.

I really don't know what to say.

I don't regret coming back, if that makes you feel any better. I'm feeling rather numb at the moment, so I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm going to go into it right now.

I am going to a therapist next week... if I don't chicken out, which is likely... I really need to talk to someone.

Originally Posted by tropicalbreeze

^^ YIKES!!! good luck with that. did you travel anywhere recently?

Nowhere likely. My sister's place out in the woods is infested with lots of things (mostly related to the resident dachshund colony), but bedbugs are more of an urban vermin. I picked up a secondhand mattress and boxsprings back in October, which is one hell of a latency period but still seems like the best candidate. I got a new roommate around that same time, and she moved some stuff in. I have some DE and Bedlam bug spray en route from Amazon. I already had the mattress bagged, so I'm going to spray the hell out of the boxsprings, dust it with the DE, and bag it, too. I might also pick up a bedskirt and rub DE into it, so anything climbing up picks up some caltrops.

Also, I don't know what to think about the fact that CanisLucidus likes that I have bedbugs. What did I ever do to you?

Originally Posted by Wishfulthinker

Urgh. Life's a pile of disappointment and frustration.

I really miss my boyfriend. I miss being so close to him and feeling like I know him properly. Like I know him better than I know myself. Just miss everything really. Makes me sad everytime we talk. Just. Murgh.

*complains pitifully about her brilliant life*

^I complain this with that certain ex already near me....feeling this way. "Love don't live here anymore" feel.

Feels something great is going to happen to me!!!!! It's getting closer! Energies getting wider and full of great love and positivity and such greatness!

Excessive rant: Ex decides to watch Dark knight, and tells me he's watching it and don't think he seen it before......???
I look at him >_> "reeeally?.....so you don't remember US watching it when it first came out on pay perview and i bought it so we can watch when you 1st visited me here? like 2008???!!!"
While i complained, he ignored...and he said...i really don't remember watching this...O_o...................????? WTF does that mean?...so he doesn't remember anything at all when our relationship was great??!!! Like everything was fake or something??
Great...now that great feeling i had has gone away cuz of this doofus of a man!

More rants:...I'm going to be in debt with bills only because my ex is out of my life soon....how may u ask?...well....
Now he's asking for money to pay his ticket to go back which is 75 $ and have at least 200 dollars to live off of while he gets his life back on track when he's living with his mom.
He complains it's all my fault now that he's in this mess....he told me that i rushed him into the relationship when i was simply pregnant with his kid. SO? You mean you don't care for her?? I guess so, SO i told him while he's there?, don't come back!!!
Then he said, you gonna have to come visit often then, i said when we want to we will, now don't RUSH me on that! NOW YOU WILL KNOW HOW IT FEELS NOT TO SEE YOUR KID AND WIFE WHICH U DONT FUKIN CARE ANYWAYS U FAKER.
YOU ARE NOT HONEST, YOU DON'T TELL SHIT WHEN IS NEEDED!
YOU ARE GOING TO TELL YOUR FAMILY THAT THIS WAS MY FAULT! I am NOT visiting USA in this lifetime and time frame!!! Do you know how the customs and shit are now???! Me and my soon to be 4yr old or obviously A KID going there is out of my list of things to do while visiting! I am not sacrificing me and my kid cuz OF YOUR ASS.
Visiting Detroit?? are u fucking kidding me??! You should visit us not vice versa!!!!! IDC! You should put 100x more work if you wanna see your kid, obviously if u don't put 100x the work into it then idfc about your excuses because you don't and never believed my excuses when it comes to finding a fucking job is hard!
Now when i see you struggling IDFC! I WONT AND CANNOT HELP U MUTHFUKA, I AM HELPING MY OWN KID NOT U BITCH!
KEEP LIVING WITH YO MAMA WHICH U HAD A PROBLEM WITH BEFORE BUT U KEEP SAYIN SHE CHANGED OR SOMETHING I DONT BELIEVE U FUKER U FUKIN FAKE BITCH GO FUKIN STAY IN YOUR TRASHY PLACE AND DONT COME BACK ..
AND I AINT RUSHING U THIS TIME FUCKA, DONT CALL ME FOR MONEY BITCH U SHOULD CALL ME ....OH BTW U WILL NEVR CALL ANYWAYS!!!!! IDGAF ANYMORE!!!! FUKIN BITCH ASS HOE MOTHA FUKER BIG ASS FAGGOT!!!! STOP PUTTING ME IN DEBT CUZ OF U!!
I SHOULD HAVE STOPPED TALKIN TO YOUR BITCH MADE ASS WHEN I KNEW YOU COULDN'T CALL ME EVEN ONCE BEFORE WE MET, WE COULD ONLY TEXT! SMH...YA THAT'S HOW IT'S GONNA BE FUCKER..IF U WANNA LISTEN TO YOUR KID ON THE PHONE YOU BETTER CALL!!! NOT ME, AND U WILL BE THE ONE RUSHING ME TO DO SHIT WHEN I WILL NEVER DO SHIT....IM DONE DOING SHIT 4U, ONCE U GO OUT THAT DOOR MY OWN SELFISHNESS AND BAD SIDE WILL SHOW AND I WILL MAKE U WISH U NEVER MET ME. I SACRIFICED ALOT FOR YOUR ASS AND DID W/E FOR U...NOT THIS TIME!
I GUESS I FOOLED U BIG TIME NOW, U ARENT THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN FAKE MY ASS, WATCH OUT DUDE. ALL U WERE WAS A FAKER.
Oh ya btw he can't come back unless he gots money for a ticket which never can happen unless someone helps him. so ya...stay there.