DropTherapy
Member

I woke up one morning in my room to my mom informing me that I have one minute left to live. Once the shock wore off I learned it was because I had both liver disease and liver cancer. I said goodbye to my crush/longtime friend and we had a touching moment over the phone and I thought about how I must have been destined to be one of those trans kids who dies young. The whole time spent in the dream felt lofty and half conscious as I was prepared to legitimately take a pre-death selfie and post it on my story. I started to think about meeting Lucifer in the afterlife as my fingers went cold and I commented to myself about how I guess my senses were going one at a time.

Fragment 1:
I found myself on one of the new light rail trains, perhaps by mistake. It felt like a spaceship.

Fragment 2:
I was in my fiance's room and got surprised by the presence of the vocalist of Love Spiral, a screamo band from Oakland. We talked about various things and overall it was a good time. I believe someone else was there too.

Fragment 3:
I was in San Francisco trying to head back to my hotel on a bus. A black haired girl in baggy clothing was telling me about something starting that she's organizing where here and a bunch of other people are going to be tagging everywhere they can find throughout the city. We look out the window and she says "oh huh, looks like it's already started". Somehow I end up talking about COVID safety and one lady with blonde hair and a blue shirt and dress is upset about mask restrictions, saying that the pandemic is over. I get extremely argumentive to start with but then dial it back and talk about a friend of mine who has long covid and can't walk. Her mind appeared to have been changed. A friend of the other girl was acting quite rowdy and a Wikipedia page plays in my head about how she's the drummer of the band that the other girl is in, and that they're known for being this wild on the bus. I get off at a stop closer to the protesters with the black haired girl and she gets in her car to drive the rest of the way while I walk. San Francisco looks quite a bit more suburban and expansive in the dream, as if it isn't on a peninsula.

It starts out in an apartment, presumably around the Arden-north highlands area by the look of it. I was with a various group of people when a bullet crashes through the window. Me and everyone else get down in an attempt to save ourselves as we figure out the hitman's target. Turns out it's this woman who was with us. The shooter enters the apartment and I ask why he's doing this. He says it's because she won't reply to him on tumblr, which seems to activate a pity response in everyone, so we hug him and tell him everything is okay.

After that situation settles, I, who for some reason am some heavy set white middle aged trucker dude in this dream, not unlike muscle man's dad from regular show, exit the apartment, climb down the stairs, and realize that in the space between buildings a couple of guy fawkes mask wearing killers are approaching me. Being aware of the dream at this point, I attempt to fly away to the bus stop I was intending to catch, and then I wake up, however I can't completely do so. I lose visual of the dream, but the audio is clear as ever, as well as the sensation of a blond kid pestering me about my wings and how his brother has the same ones.

In the faux waking world, I am in the room of my childhood home at night, dodging various vague figures in the shadows whose existence is merely implied. I try various things, including screaming, singing "bring me to life" by evanescence, which comes out as pathetic whimpering, and hobbling over to the light switch whenever my attempts very briefly succeed enough for me to be semi-conscious. My entire body felt numb but I realized I had leverage whenever I scratched the back of my thigh relatively deeply. In the dream I was in front of a post as I was singing bring me to life while scratching myself, and eventually it works and I finally do wake up. Turns out I was literally just being restrained by my fiance, who was nearly sleeping ON me.

The dream started in a house that was a mix of my house, my guitarist's, and my fiance's houses. My girlfriend and I were getting ready to go to a concert for a band that doesn't exist. We ended up just walking through some suburbs in fancy goth outfits but it was still nice. We then went outback, where there was a super nature-y neighborhood (mainly trailers and tents and stuff but also some houses) where she wanted to check out a listing for a 3 bedroom trailer. We got there and it was a one bedroom/studio trailer with a giant pylon installed through it. Needless to say, she needed to keep searching.

Later, I show a friend (either it was Edynn or one of my headmates, hard to tell) the listing, and it was gone. We continued through the neighborhood and saw drive in theaters playing sci-fi movies about robots and 3D models of trailers. We then came upon an exact replica of my childhood home.

Upon entering, my grandma was in the kitchen. She was talking incoherently and on the stand in front of the back window was a small paperback cook book she authored after she lost lucidity. The book was page after page of incoherent nonsense with illustrations of recipes made from ingredients that don't exist. Think AI generated food but it looked as if they were actual photos. I go up to her and ask "hey grandma, what made you decide to make a cook book?" And she responded by taking it out of my hands, mumbling vaguely about regret, and beginning to tear it up page by page. I panicked and took it out of her hands, to which she responded by screaming at me and chasing me and my friend out the front door.

Before we could fully leave, she stopped and began to apologize to her late husband, which we soon connected the dots as representing an attempt to apologize to me directly. For a moment, we saw a glimpse into the memories she was living through in that moment, sitting on a recliner in front of a shadowy, warped figure. It was like it was projected in front of us and the grandma that was in front of me temporarily vanished. When she came back, we hugged as she talked, and an illustration of a lion showed up behind us, after which I audibly said "oh my god, you're still alive" and began crying in her arms. The whole time I should mention that sad symphonic movie music was playing. I don't remember if I told her I loved her or not. I suppose this whole scene was my brain's roundabout way of saying she was still alive in my heart or something like that.

I woke up crying for the first time ever about my grandmother's death since it happened in September 2019. I suppose I deliberately prevented myself from saying goodbye in the waking world so as to not have to handle emotions that I was still afraid of at the time. I don't know if she would have approved of me being trans or any of the other stuff I came out as since her death, but she tried her hardest to raise me even as her dementia got worse, so I have something to thank her for regardless.


RIP Martha Flinchum, 1933-2019

I had a dream where humanity found an underwater portion of mars underground and dug a large hole into it that resided in the center lobby of a tall, square shaped hotel complex in the middle of nowhere. The government required everyone interested in travelling down there to take a pill to improve respiration underwater and give the body a natural capacity for filtering toxins, thehe side effect being suicidal ideation. I remember being ignored in the dream and then taking the elevator to the top of the hotel where some people coaxed me down. a little bit afterwards there were reports of increasing radiation in Earth's pocket of mars due to human activity and I became horribly depressed to see us as a species ruin another pretty cool thing. On a separate occasion I remember almost taking too much estrogen. The worst part about this dream is that I have felt feelings that are kind of a precursor to how I felt suicidal in the dream, especially last night when I was too invested in drama between friends and was too stoned to emotionally handle it properly.