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    Lucid-schizo-dreamer

    Dream Warrior and Explorer of the Dreamplane

    1. 1 May: Lucid encounter with my secondary teacher

      by , 05-01-2023 at 05:57 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

      With my mom on some type of underground shelters. Looks like subways tunnels, a maze of concrete chambers, but with beds here and there and lots of people taking shelter in each room or hallway. We are going around, as if looking for something and I become lucid, so I decide I want to do something with my lucidity, but I don't wanna hurt my dream mom, so I tell her I need to go to the bathroom and I move away. She yells that I am going in the wrong direction and starts following me, trying to catch me, but I speed up and lose her.
      The scenario becomes more and more dystopic and futuristic. I come across loads of people going to and from all directions on this underground, but I think about my teacher DK and call out his name, looking around for his face to maybe show up. It never does, but I am always hopeful. Instead, dream agents start popping up and bumping into me, agressively. I decide to fly up as the place became bigger and no ceiling can be seen. Looks more like a factory now, with a strange maze infrastructure beneath me and a big black screen ocupying the whole right wall. One agent also starts levitating and grabs my ankle, we fight a bit and I get rid of it. I decide to leave this dream by jumping through the black screen to my right, while thinking of my teacher. I come out on the other side and it is still a dark dystopic landscape, like a Blade Runner scene mixed with Stalker. I still don't see any signs of my teacher, or anyone else actually, so I decide to call for my secondary teacher instead, JK. I see some light illuminating a path into what seems a calm relaxing place. I pass a little reception booth and to my right I see a jacuzzi like pond or pool with a big black stone Buddha statue half submerged, sitting in a relaxed position. There are tealight candles giving just enough clarity to the space. I pass by the pool and fold my hands towards the statue. I swear the statue turns its face towards me. But I look again and it's still in the same position. I keep going and see a small building ahead, but before I go in, the Buddha statue appears standing in front of me, moving and breathing like a person. It is smaller in size, the size of a human, when in the pond it was the double or tiple that size. I immediately know that it is my teacher I just called.
      I say hi and he replies with another hello. He smiles and says he had been waiting for me to finally call for him. He asks if I see his face or some other face. His face changed a little, no longer the face of the original statue, but it still doesn't look like him. I chuckle and say no and ask if he sees my face and he also says not really. But that doesn't really matter because we are both sure of whom we are.
      I say I don't know what to do, that I needed to talk to him, that I am confused and lost and don't know what he expects from me. He comes closer, enough to feel his breath in my skin and hair. I wasn't feeling anything romantic or sensual towards him, but now I feel a tingling sensation in my body. I also get closer to him, close enough that our legs intertwine. He says something about how much he desires me and I tell myself I don't feel this way about him. But he keeps going, saying how rock hard he is and he is so close to me I can feel his erection against my legs and I feel strangely aroused by it. I can't resist to touch it and then I put my hand inside his clothes and grab it. The sensation is incredibly specific. He is average lenght but a bit thick and I like it. We kiss and make out and we kick everything in our way up to the building I saw before. Funny enough, it is some kind of gift shop, not a private setting and there is a lady behind the counter, but at this point we just don't care. It's just a dream. I am half undressed and he slides his penis inside me. Half standing up and half laying down, we f*ck and I can't believe how horny I actually am. In the end, he is embracing me from behind, both facing a small mirror on a table. We get to see our faces in it. I vaguely see myself in it but I tell him he appears as some tibetan man mixed with my mom's face, which could be weird, but we laugh. Then I lose consciousness for a while, everything gets black and I fear that I may be exiting the dream and waking up.
      But I manage to wake up exactly on the same place, this zen spa whatever, now with daylight shining. I get up from the ground. A lady, maybe the one that was behind the counter before, comes to offer me some gifts, namely some beautiful hair ornaments. I don't recognize what it is at first glance so she shows me how they are applied to the hair, very lovingly, as if she knows me and cares for me. She then says that guru-ji asked me to join the tsok later on.
    2. 25 Apr: Fooled by a demon posing as my teacher

      by , 04-25-2023 at 06:04 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

      During some teaching, my teacher is hanging out with his students outside. I can't talk to him, because he is surrounded. He then says he is going to a photo shop and have lunch. People go after him as a group, but only his closest entourage goes inside the shop with him. Everyone else stays outside sitting on the floor.
      Then my name is called through an intercom but no one seems to hear it, but me. I don't know what I am supposed to do. So I go to the shop. At the entrance someone tells me to go around and I'll find out why I was called. I see a guy at the intercom. He tells me to wait. A door opens and my teacher appears, very blushed, making a sign for me to follow him. I go inside and it is not just some shop storage or backroom but a hallway with many other doors. He goes down some stairs and I notice something really odd going on. The staircase is very large and goes down very deep. I notice some strange characters and Illuminati type shit symbolism on the carvings and paintings on the walls. Clearly this is no ordinary photo shop. I feel like my teacher isn't really him and I say it out loud. Everything stops and the atmosphere changes. Around me I see ghosts and female demonesses. I am told to play along or else... I am afraid because I am stuck here. The creature posing as my teacher lets go of his mask and shows to be some demon, although pretty handsome, with a young Ethan Hawke's face. He asks me something (don't remember) and I say no. As a consequence, some weird monsters with soup face (I cant explain either, their face was simply a big ball of floating soup) come along and start biting me. I try to avoid them, but I can't outrun them, so then I have to fight. Inside the soup face there is a mouth with shark like teeth. They hurt like hell. I brake one's jaw and throw the other on the ground and step on it. Then try to convince the demon that I give up and I chose to play along. I say that I am sorry and I speak softly, trying to be convincing. Actually, it isn't hard, because he is so fit and yummy that it is no effort to try to seduce him. But he sees through my bullshit and tells me so. I chose to just stay quiet and not cooperate. I get ready to be torn apart by demons. I prefer to die like that than to make any sort of deal with them. But nothing happens. He just asks me to follow him again somewhere. He then takes me to some elevator and we exit back on the hallway area upstairs. He just takes me to the door I came through and lets me out. I can't believe it.
      Then he is back into my teacher's form and waves at Ariadni, who gets up all excited. I yell to her "don't go, it's a trap". But no one seems to hear me or care for my opinion. Also, behind the door I see Fernanda, looking all fancy, smiling at her and inviting her in, saying it is perfectly fine and good. I recall that she always admitted to be willing to sell her soul to the devil if necessary, so it's no surprise she became the devil's assistant. The door shuts and I worry for Ariadni.
    3. 21 Apr: Meeting Jon Stewart and befriending his supposed family

      by , 04-21-2023 at 06:44 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

      In the US, possibly in Washington, but later it feels more like NY. Anyway, I am at some important rally and the speaker's poll is in the middle of some staircase. The crowd is clearly mostly democrats but lots of republican trumpers are in the mix. The speakers are calling for peace and unit and trumpers are yelling "Trump for president". Then Jon Stewart comes to speak and everyone is listening and I wonder why people haven't started chanting "Stewart for president" so I try to start it. But the environment turns chaotic suddenly, with people running away down the stairs and I even see a couple pigs running among the people. People start disbanding. I take some route which leads me to bump into Jon Stewart in some back alley. He is all by himself, so I must speak to him. It's a quick encounter in which I express my admiration for him, but then he has to leave. Since I don' t wanna let him go, I stalk him and clearly tell him I wanna stalk him for a while, hoping he finds it funny and not creepy. I ask if I can walk with him wherever he is going or work for him and help in whatever he needs help. I am basically desperate.
      Maybe I look harmless because he agrees to give me a chance. When we reach some place with an elevator he tells me to take it and wait by the door of the 7th and I'll be able to meet his family and stay with them for a while. I am blown away and totally trust him, so I go inside the elevator. The elevator is really just a shaft full of spiders and other bugs through which a very shady wood platform descends. When it stops, I am covered in spiders and other unidentified bugs and creeped out, trying to get them off of me. I am in a hallway with lots of other people and some guys are mocking me but then a couple others decides to help em and they shake off some of the bugs. I am confused if Jon pranked me or was seroous, so I look at the doors with numbers looking for a number 7. There is an apartment number 7, but it doesn't even have a door and each room is occupied by extremely poor people sleeping in matresses on the floor. I don't think I am in the right place but I wait a little, to see how it goes.
      Everyone is staring at me, wondering what I am doing there, so I leave. I exit the building and realize I had entered it through a top floor that was street level and now this floor also exits to another street level. I go outside and look at the building number and it is 7, so I wait at this door instead. It is getting dark and I feel a bit uncomfortable, but soon after some nice lady with long hair looks at me and tells me to follow her. I wonder how she knows it's me or how I know she's the one I am supposed to follow, but I go. She walks me into a place that at first seems like a posh apartment building, but soon I realize it is some kind of company. There is a large lobby area with some people sitting on a sofa and a kid playing videogames. She points to them and says something about who they are, but I only focus on the fact their kid is autistic. I tell her I am too, allthough a "light" case. I wave and say high to them. The kid briefly looks but immediately breaks eye contact. Then we enter what looks like an open space office, but it leads almost directly to a very unusual toy shop. Not like toys'r'us, not childish, more like a modern space with designer toys, educational and creative toys and arts and crafts materials. I immediately get hooked to it but then realize I am supposed to be nice to my hosts, so I look around for the lady. She introduces me to a lot of family members, a girl I assume it's her daughter, some playboy dude that doesn't take his eyes away from me and others. But I still don't know how they relate to Jon. I feel like the lady is his sister, she doesn't look like his wife. At some point I sit on some couch in a quiet corner thinking and wonder about my goal here: do I just wanna be friends with the family? Am I trying to win them over? Do I wanna hit on Jon, despite knowing he is happily married? I do consider that and how I'd be okay if he fell for me. I justify to myself that maybe he'd be happier with me. Then I think how silly I am and I could not make him happy, he would just be someone really interesting and entertaining to have in my life, but I could not be up to his expectations, so I abandon that silly thought. I do like the family though and decide to become friends with them. A couple black kids visiting the store or friends of the family sit by my side and tell me their names. They are really cute and very alike, which I mention to them. They say they aren't brothers, just friends but recognize the similarities. Only difference is one has really dark eyes and complexion and the other has lighter eyes and complexion and is slightly smaller, but they look like twins otherwise. Then some younger kid comes deliver me a condom and says some gentleman sent it. He points to that idiot playboy I 've met before. He is waving at me and making supposedly seductive looks and gestures, but to me he just looks ridiculous. I tell the kid to take it back. He goes and comes back and throws the condom at me. I can't with the dude and give him the finger. Then I notice another guy by his side with some sort of mental development delay or cerebral palsy. He is incredibly tall and built up and clearly shares physionomical characteristics with the playboy, so maybe they're brothers. I see the playboy treating his supposed brother like shit, dismissing and ignoring him, and I don't like his attitude. Later on I see this guy alone and become his friend. When later the family gathers to have dinner or something, in private quarters, I walk him in, hand in his arm and he is smiling like the family has never seen him do. The lady that brought me in and her supposed daughter are looking at me smiling in approval and the playboy dude is absolutely ego crushed and not believing this.
      Later even, some gentleman of the famiky takes me on a tour to the company and shows me a large area that is not in use and I immediately design a sketch of how it could be decorated and used in extension to the existing shop. He later presents my idea to the family and they all agree they like it and ask me if I wanna work for them and implement it.
    4. 24 Feb: Snakes at my gate and trying to meditate lucid

      by , 02-24-2023 at 09:18 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

      At my gate. I see a goat running on the hill in front and then a horse behind my parking lot. I also notice the gate is not well closed, so I close it tight. My dogs are jumping around me excited. Then I check the fence and find a couple spots where the fence is lose as if someone damaged it on purpose. I scramble to fix it before my dogs see it, but they go through a hole they find. First Soraia, but I yell at her and she promptly comes back. Then Maya and Tara also escape. I manage to call back Maya, but Tara encounters a black dog about her size, they become friends and she ignores me. They roll on their backs on the ground, clearly getting along. I then notice the road ahead is loaded with huge snakes coming their way. I call Riverstone for help and he goes outside the gates to get the dog but I warn him about the snakes.
      Then the dream fades and I almost wake up but hold on to it and then I am at some kind of small room, laying on a bed, belly down.
      I know I am dreaming so I plunge my hand into the foam mattress as a reality check and grab some foam as if is it cotton candy and eat it. I expected some crazy flavor, but it actually tastes just like foam. I then get up and go through the wall. End up in someone elses apartment and then go from room to room not knowing what to do. I briefly panic when I realize I don't know the way back to my room. Then I recall again that it's just a dream and there is no point in going back to "my" room. I go out to a balcony. Below the balcony on the street I see many kids and adults looking festive. I plan to jump through the pavement below and see where it takes me. I jump flat on my belly but as I approach the ground I see it is covered in animal poop, so I stop an inch from it and just levitate there for a second. Everyone looks at me. I lay my feet on the ground and stand. Immediately see a group of people on horse back coming towards me in two lines side by side. They don't stop for me, so I quickly lift off again not to be trampled upon. As I watch from above I think it may be some parade, but then notice the outfits and lots of famous Hollywood actors walking around and conclude that it must be a movie set.
      I want to focus on something productive and stop just moving around, so I sit cross legged on top of a wall to try to meditate. I invoke my guru and ask for his guidance and teachings. Immediately I get attacked by some guy out of nowhere, jumping and trying to reach me to harm me, his face full of anger, as if he is possessed. I kinda expected that, but still it is annoying every time it happens. I transport myself to a room full of plushies, hoping it will be peaceful to meditate in there. I try again and invoke my guru, but the plushies start flying and hiting me. I deflect them with energy from my hands, but att some point they come alive and gain shark teeth and bite me. I try to ignore the pain and carry on, aware that it is still all just a dream, but I almost wake up.

      I then find myself in what appears to be an island and in front of me there is a strange asian looking tower. I get this feeling that I will find my guru there, but when I reach the front door, it is controlled by thugs and they won't let anyone in that is not vetted by them. I plan on just flying up but then I notice there is some sort of elevator on the side, the kind of those for window cleaners and is starting to go up so I hold on to a side and just go up hanging from it. It takes me all the way to the top but then I see no way to access the interior of the building and there is no way to get down from the roof either. It is also inclined and slippery and I almost fall. Again, I wonder what to do next but a sudden water rise out of nowhere covers everything below and it keeps rising until it reaches the roof and leaves me isolated on my own little island. I go around the roof and find a stone path that magically appeared over the water, so I walk it through. It leads me to dry land. I find myself in what looks like some city in Latin America. It's night now, but the streets are flooded with people panicking and running in all directions. On the tv of some eatery, I see a broadcast about some impending catastrophe. I think I also see something big in the night sky but can't tell what it is. I wake up.

      Updated 02-24-2023 at 09:26 PM by 34880

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      lucid
    5. 20 Feb: Watching a movie about an autistic girl and going to facebook to comment

      by , 02-20-2023 at 09:44 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

      I am at a post office and there is aguy in front of me shipping some packages. The postal worker is in a bad mood and at some point yells at some colleagues. I notice another girl to my right that leaves in a hurry but I don't pay much attention. I notice though that the guy had been noticing her and is not happy that she left. He complains to the worker about her attittude and mood and then leaves. Then I am not really there, but actually watching this unfold in a movie.
      The guy comes back to the postal office area hoping to see the girl. One day he is lucky and comes across her at a park. She is wearing a rainbow colored baggy dress and looks quirky. They lock eyes and she approaches him slowly. It almost seems like she is going to kiss him, but she just does some quirky dance and off they go together.
      I think to myself that it is a cliché, but she definitely looks autistic. Then I start remembering all the details I had missed at the post office and realize she was having a lot of quirky behaviors and then she ran away because of the noise of the woman yelling, as she couldn't take it.
      I go to facebook looking for the autistic groups that I am in, wanting to share my thoughts about this film and I stumble in a post in one of the groups with the link to the said film. It's called "Breannis" and I realize it is centered on the girl and that she is indeed supposed to be autistic. Then I wonder how did I miss at first that it was about her and not the guy. Then I start writing down my opinion on the comments.
    6. 17 Feb: Shadowy witch, robotic snake and meeting my teacher lucid

      by , 02-17-2023 at 08:47 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

      At some victorian house, sort of half asleep and seeing the scenario fade away, but I realize it is actually a dream and that it is the dream itself that is fading. I hold on to it, but the darkness doesn't go away and I know this is when sometimes the monsters come up. And then I see a woman coming over and whenever she crosses a more shadowy area, her face becomes monstruous. I warn a friend that is also sleeping nearby to wake up. She doesn't know what I am talking about and she looks at the woman. The woman says in a hypnotic tone "look into my eyes". I grab my friend and say "don't look, it will kill you". I get in front of the woman and I say assertively "Now, you look into my eyes!" at the side of her face that is not disfigured. She looks puzzled and loses a bit of her power temporarily, so I open some curtains to let light in and I drag my friend to the outside. The woman still tries to reach me, but she can't stand the light. I decide to lift off and that's when I go fully lucid. I don't know what to do, so I decide to just watch the dream. Below me it now looks like some big american city. I also see a huge roller-coaster in the distance. There is some retro vibe to it. I just amuse myself by flying over people and watching their dramas. I feel very melancholic thinking how all these people are just DCs. I sing and dance in the sky above them.

      Visiting my mom at her old job at the Union. They are at some warehouse with piles of boxes with files and lots of stickers, calendars and other stuff I used to steal from them and collect as a child. I am mesmerized by all the retro things they have, not fully aware that I am dreaming, but aware I am seeing something gone from the past. I grab a box with some stickers to take with me as mementos. For some reason my dog Hachi appears and all is fine until someone else also comes in with 2 dogs and a baby. I grab Hachi immediately and try to take him somewhere where I can keep him isolated. Unfortunately there is only a small room with no windows and I don't want to lock him there. So when the other dogs follow us and we get cornered there, I close them inside instead and take Hachi away.
      We go to my mom's and he roams around the house free. After a while I am looking for him and find him in the balcony injured with a bad open wound in his front right leg. Nearby is a robotic snake I keep as a toy, also severely "hurt". Turns out she can bite and it is a powerful metallic bite. I try getting close to him, but he cowers and hides his leg. I go get hydrogen peroxide and throw copious amounts on his wound. He ends up accepting my treatment and even puts his front legs over mine to thank me, I guess. Then I also want to help the snake but need something to grab it safely. I didn't know she had such a dangerous self defense mechanism.


      At my childhood home, alone, and I become lucid. I go into my room, honestly just wanting again to dwell on the melancholic feeling of seeing things from my past. But then I feel crazy horny and feel the urge to remove my pants. I look around for objects I might use creatively, but all I see is a wooden spoon over the bed for no good reason. So I give up on objects. Instead I decide to experiment what it would feel like if my clitoris grew to become a very long penis. Long enough that it reaches my mouth. And then I suck it. I almost wake up with the sensation but I manage to come back to the dream. Then I jump scare when through the balcony door I see 3 Rinpoches sitting outside. They are not looking at me, they are to right side, almost out of sight. I can only see a bit of their faces but I recognize them ckearly. They are facing forward as if listening or watching someone to my left side. I pull my pants up quickly, deeply embarassed, hoping they didn't see that. I get up and walk slowly towards the balcony sliding doors. Then they turn their heads towards me and nod at me wtth a smile. As I approach, I see many more of them and recognize almost all of them. Then some more pass by from my left side and disappear behind the ones sitting. The balcony is no longer a balcony, but some room somewhere else. They all aknowledge my presence, nod and smile, but none says a word. Then I walk forward a few more steps and I see my teacher to my left. He is standing there and he is the one all others were looking at or listening. They hint that I should come in and I do. Rinpoche comes to me and we immediately hug. Then we kiss. It is a shy confused kiss, because I want to kiss him on the lips but I am not sure if it is ok, so I kinda go for the cheek but still touch his lips. He seems surprised but pleased. We continue hugging. Then he kisses me on the lips properly. It feels incredible and totally real. We continue hugging tight and saying how much we missed each other, while I caress his back and head. I can even feel the smooth edges of his robe on his back and do my autistic thing of stimming by feeling the calming texture of the seam.
      Then he moves on and we are in some kind of library or classroom and I realize we need to get out because a class or lecture is about to start.
      Lucidity fades a bit from here. Outside he is with his entourage and they are heading to some place to lunch with, but he specifically says to his attendant that I am to have lunch with the more private group and sit by his side in the upper room. The restaurant is asian, but I can't tell from which country. Rinpoche and the private group disappear upstairs as I am distracted looking at the food they have on display. Then I am not allowed to come up. When finally that is cleared up, I arrive there, but Rinpoche has disappeared again, maybe to go to the bathroom or something, I think. The people there look me sideways and want me to sit me at the "kids" table. I see three empty seats and figure that's where Rinpoche will sit so I say I think I am supposed to sit there to, but they mock me and bully me. Some lady is being incredibly rude and gets into my nerves, so I bang my hand on the table, wanting to punch her, and say "one of these seats is for me, just wait and see". But I feel bad for my ego outburst, so I just go and sit at a bench near the window, at the far end of the table, but where Rinpoche can see me when he returns. Then we hear his voice on loud speakers, interviewing some indian fella and it is about Russia and some allegory with volcanos and people wonder what is this about.
    7. 8 Feb: Making out with Pedro Pascal in a world with dragons and dinosaurs

      by , 02-08-2023 at 08:38 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

      Some apocalyptic kind of scenario, muddy and populated by dangerous monsters. I encounter Pedro Pascal and while we are hiding and trying to escape some dragon like creature, we start making out. He is wearing a white shirt that is too immaculate for this scenario, I put my hand under it and then towards his pants. It gets serious, but the last thing I remember is me holding his dick before we see a drone outside in the sky, then other lights and again the dragon dark silhouette in the distance. Then dragon comes closer and is surrounded by orbs with lights. I comment how unusual that is and then a bunch of dinosaurs stampedes from nearby towards us, followed by a T-rex.
    8. 30 Jan: False awakenings and exploring a backroomy dimension lucid

      by , 01-30-2023 at 08:59 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

      I am between sleep and wakefulness and I hear my dogs barking outside, when suddenly I wake up with the sound of my front door slamming and I feel scared. I am confused and think that the only other person in the house is my mother on the ground floor and she would not go outside in the middle of the night for any reason, which worries me even further. Then I actually wake up and realize most likely no one slammed the door and also that my mother isn't in my home at all, it is Riverstone who is sleeping downstairs and I just had a false awakening. My dogs are also quiet, so I don't know if them barking was also part of the dream.

      With Riverstone on a van going up a road and the engine is not managing to pull it up. He is driving and he steps on the accelerator to try to reach the top of the hill, but on a curve he loses control and the van rolls over to the side of the road. As we tumble, it gets dark and Riverstone loses his consciousness. I shake him hard and he doesn't wake up. I am really worried. When he finally does, we are in bed at my mom's house and he asks me why am I shaking him up like that. I am confused and tell him about my dream. He says that I am just remembering a traumatic event and I say no way, I don't recall it ever happening in the past. He says it did, we had that accident. I feel more confused about what's real or not. Then we go to the kitchen for a snack as he says now he is angry and we reheat some pizza on the microwave. I think about how I would never eat pizza in the middle of the night, but I am starting to feel maybe none of this is real, so what the heck, I actually eat some and ask for more. Then my mom comes and asks what's going on, I tell her the whole story and continue to chat while eating. Then I am worried we might wake up grandma and mom says "you're really confused, she passed away some time ago, it's just us here". Then I realize once again I am still dreaming all this. Then we are at a fair, where we volunteer at a booth. It is a mix between art display, book sales and alternative medicines. I am rearranging some books on a table and again confused about what's real or not, when some friends come over from another booth and I tell about my confusion and the whole accident story and that I can't even remember my best friends' names. They show some concern, but then some wild boar enters the place running and causing much damage, until he gets killed and someone takes it outside to the back of the building and leaves it on the ground temporarily. I go take a look at it soon after and some dog like a Husky is trying to eat the boar. He is making a mess so I shoo him. He doesn't like and attacks me. He actually looks more like a wolf now. I climb some structure to get out of its reach but it is not enough, the dog or wolf jumps high and almost bites me. I stop it with my arm and a sort of punch to its head, which beheads the animal. The animal's head falls to the ground and the rest of the body vanishes completely. I am in shock and that's when I realize I must be dreaming. So I lift off flying up and as I leave the ground, I realize I am inside some giant barn like structure. But I try to get rid of logic and let my mind roam free, so when I reach the ceiling, it just inverts and then there is like a second barn upside down. I enter some sort of backroomy dimension with buildings growing upside down and sideways and I just go through them and through wooden walls, ceilings, etc, just trying to get lost in the nonsense, not trying to make it right, trying to make my mind maleable. Then end up in a version of my own attic, but looking like a 60s lounge, with lots of yellow pillows and puffs on the floor. I plunge again in the wooden walls and this time I end up floating in a void for while, almost waking up. After a few seconds I start seeing the inside of the wood in big detail, as if magnified or if I shrunk to microsize. I don't feel my body, just my head, so I feel an urge to lick the surface with my tongue and it feels scaly. Then I am in a regular room but decorated in cluttercore style. There are so many carpets, plushies, curtains, pillows and all sorts of colorful bric-a-brac all over. I feel compelled to just admire it all. I realize my mind is trying to distract me with stuff, lots of stuff, but I indulge for a while. I go from room to room and each one is crazier than the other. Some rooms I need to go up or down through some wall mount ladder to reach the next room. I then see a box of jewels and a mirror in a small cozy bedroom and can't help trying them on, feeling that I am falling for the temptations to distract me. When I look in the mirror, I look absolutely goddess like. For fun I make the jewels, hairstyles and hair color change. Then I remember that often when I look at myself in the mirror in dreams, my face starts shifting and becoming mosnter-like, so I decide to take control of the process and just cause it myself, to fight that fear. My face slowly melts and I become ugly, my eyes all dark, fangs, messy hair. It makes me feel uneasy, but not terrified, because I am in control. I think about meditating next for a while, but I wake up.
    9. 28 Jan: Genocide against women at a university

      by , 01-28-2023 at 11:49 AM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

      About to ingress at some US university and my mom and a friend are accompanying me. The place is gigantic and it's hard to find the info I need. Finally find the office of supposedly my main teacher/tutor/guide and go there to ask for help, but I am told by some other professors that he is late and no one knows exactly when he'll come. They suggest going to the welcoming area for new students that we totally missed on our way in. They give some directions, we see a place with hundreds or thousands of kids and assume it is it. Turns out most of them are really young kids who are there for some show on ice around an ice rink. But nearby is indeed the welcome booth and a line of maybe ten people. We wait in the line. As we move forward and observe the campus and the people, I confess I am not liking the university so far and miss my old faculty. But I am willing to give it a try and ask them for my schedule so I can attend my first classes.
      Then it all becomes stilyzed like a graphic novel and I am just observing it like a film. Some group of extremists arrives on campus, makes some statement against women and says that it will be a good day if they kill at least a third of all the women there. Then a slaughter starts, mostly women and girls but also the occasional male that tries to protect them. It becomes a sea of blood, corpses and skeletons floating in the sea of blood, and women falling into that sea like lemmings jumping over a cliff to their deaths.
    10. 27 Jan: Somewhere in Africa, friend with a local black family against my own racist family

      by , 01-27-2023 at 11:59 AM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

      In an african country, can't identify which one. Visiting some family in a village, the kids love me and we are very good friends. They want to take me along to their daily activities. We hit the orange dirt road and I fear we may have to walk many many kms. Luckily the weather is very nice, not hot nor cold, just about right and the walking is very enjoyable. We cross paths with other kids from other villages at a crossroad and I realize this is not the remote area I first thought it was. Soon we arrive at another village and we drop the youngest at their school: then I walk with two oldest sisters to a highschool. There are other white teens there, but I am a new face and they are all very curious about who I might be. We enter their classroom, but before the teacher starts asking me questions, the older sister says bye to her teen sister and grabs me to take me somewhere else. I thought she was staying in this school to, so I ask her about it and she says she quit school and is now working for a circus. They are still training at some empty facilities on the back of a zoo. Looks like some empty barns. She is really happy about her job and she shows me a huge poster that's being painted to announce the coming spectacle, featuring her among others and I feel so proud and happy for her. I then need to go, but as soon as I exit the zoo I realize I don't know where to go. I go around the external wall of the zoo and I find an entrance that gives access to the reception/management of the zoo. The gates open and a fancy car is coming out and I remember that I am actually an heiress to the white family that owns this place. I fear they see me, because of the way I am dressed and dirty. They totally disapprove of my friendship with these girls.
    11. 19 Jan: Ronaldo hitting on me and I try to meet Avalokiteshvara lucid

      by , 01-19-2023 at 09:10 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

      Walking up an alley of a park with a younger sister or cousin. On arriving at a terrace where there is a restaurant, we are cut off by barriers and cannot pass, because Ronaldo has booked it to have a private lunch there and no one can go throughit. I am upset and try to go around, but then he arrives by car and also blocks my way. I try to just ignore and move on, but something happens and he ends up also taking a walk in the park, almost side by side to us. As I reminisce to my companion about this place and some memories from my childhood, I notice he is listening and curious to know more. He asks me something about a street ahead and I suddenly remember stuff about it and drag him along in my revisitation of the place. I stayed there in a pension for some time and as I remember more details, I basically offer him a tour to this small town. He totally abandons his lunch plans and just joins us for good. Then we pass by a small place I mention has great veggie food, very basic but delicious and I invite him to have lunch there with us. He makes a bit of a snarky comment because of the veggie food, but then is really surprised to see that it is a very simple place with locals and not some fancy modern joint and I see curiosity won. I swear to him he will not forget about this place, either he likes the food or not, just because it is so authentic. By chance my dad is there with my aunt Ana and other people. They are waiting in line because there are no seats. I join them waiting in line and Ronaldo says we don't have to because of who he is, certainly they'll get us some table. Of course people recognize him when he enters and talk about it and some are very welcoming to him, but those that are sitting and eating with friends and family aren't bulging for him to get a seat and the fact is there really are no tables. What people do is they rearrange the tables so we have an area where we can sit on the floor if we want. I am ok with it, but he is not and so we just leave and continue our tour outside.
      My dad reminded me that not only we spent some vacation on this town, but that we own an old house on this street. I am surprised and can't remember that at all, but he says it is that small property that appears mentioned on the IRS form and somehow it makes sense to me. He says it's just a couple blocks away, so I go look for it. Spot some folks building up a new house in the place where I thought was ours, can't figure out which one it is, so then we return and keep waiting for a table at the restaurant. By now Ronaldo is definitely feeling the hots for me and he grabs me by the waist and grabs my ass and pushes me against a wall, about to kiss me. But then my dad suddenly appears and ruins the moment. Ronaldo goes get some air for a minute and my dad comes talk to me. I guess he must be really proud that I am snatching such a rich famous guy and indeed he is, but also makes some comment about his manners and I have to agree that he is not exactly being a gentleman with me. I am not sure how I feel about it.


      Walking by a boardwalk by the sea, recognizing some places. Seeing them with so much detail and thinking I don't wanna go there, because it is a place from another dream I had one day and nothing good came out of it.
      Then realize I am dreaming and it is a very stable lucid. The first thing that comes to my mind is to summon Avalokiteshvara. I really don't know why that was my first thought, but I did. Unfortunately, I immediately get surrounded by a pack of menacing growling dogs like dobbermans and rotweillers and I have to climb over a wall to protect myself. They keep jumping at me, viciously trying to attack me and I realize they are the protection mechanism or agents that always come if you try to liberate yourself, or meet those who can help you with that. I hadn't met them in a while. Then I remember that they have no power over me unless I give it to them, so I point the palm of my hands at them and slowly push them away with a kind of force field that makes me untouchable. One by one, the dogs step down and leave. I keep walking down the boardwalk while repeating mantras and continue to call for the deity. Don't see it anywhere but some lady approaches me offering me t-shirts. I say no and she insists that I follow her. I feel she is up to no good and accuse her of trying to distract me. After insisting a couple times, she walks away but I keep an eye on her as she walks towards the ocean and stays on the sand at the beach nearby. Wonder if she may be a manifeststion of the deity inviting me to come along and I rejected her, but I don't feel it. She passes by me again and leaves a box on the sand. Some girl says this is a gift to me but I am still suspicious of her intentions, so I don't touch it. The box opens by itself and contains gold statuettes of what initially also look like deities, so for a while I think this might be a sign. But as I look closer, the statuettes represent just common people in sex acts, like one lady going down on another and a threesome where someone is banging another from behind. Don't know what all of it means, but I think this is just Mara tempting me with distractions. Then I wake up.
    12. 15 Jan: Leaving a party in an island and running away from my creep dad

      by , 01-15-2023 at 09:23 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

      At some party with lots of people from many places. It's fancy but also in some desolate location in some ruins. I get tired and get out of there, to realize we're in an island. I ask someone what time is it and they say 2 am. I say that's not possible. They reply is the jet lag, that's why I am not sleepy. But that is not my issue, my issue is that outside it looks early morning, with sunlight. I encounter some familiar faces and they ask me if I am joining them leaving this place. I agree, because I know nobody else and don't know where I am. So they walk me to a dock and then some small row boats come and get us.
      Then we're taking a trip by bus once on land again. Still not recognizing the place as the night falls. Then I recognize the sillouette of Las Vegas in the dark, despite all the city lights being turned off. I just recognize some of the iconic shapes in the dark, like the Sphinx and the Eiffel Tower replicas. When it is day again we stop at a large mall so we can eat or buy anything and stretch our legs. For some reason I encounter my father, who apparently was looking for me and traced me back here. His behavior immediately throws me off as he starts asking questions and making innuendos that I don't even understand. I ignore him for a while and I evade his questions, but allow him to follow me around as I look at the shops for fun. I am wearing a long skirt and a corset and he touches the strings on the back of my corset, asking what happens if he pulls the strings off. I am starting to feel really uncomfortable and tell him to stop. Then I look at beautifful dresses and he asks something like who I am going to wear them for. I say I don't even know what he is talking about. Then we pass by a section of lingerie, to which I don't even look at, but he starts asking if I like this item and that item, all very girly pieces with fruits stamped and not exactly for my age as if he is signaling he wants me to be his little girl again. I tell him he is sick and disgusting and I have had enough. He plays dumb. But I tell him I know his mind, I know he is sexually attracted to me and jealous that I grew up and might get a boyfriend (I say I still haven't had one, but if I did that was none of his business). He looks embarassed and doesn't deny it. I call him all the names I ever wanted to call him and move on, through a pastry shop and then a jewel shop. He still follows me and then tells me to wait while he goes check on the bus we have to take home. I do sit in a bench thinking about what to do next, but I have no intention to join him. Billie Eilish is playing on speakers and I start singing along, and so do other teens around who smile at me. Some even start doing a coreography and I am really impressed. Then some guy I know vaguely from school also sits on the bench and he is the one recognizing me first and asks me about what I am doing here. He offers me a ride with his friends that are coming. I accept but still I feel bad for leaving my dad alone, worrying he might get lost looking for me, despite all.

      [Note: My dad was a bit of creep all my life and I do have reasons to feel some disgust and anger towards him, but some of the dreams I have been having are a bit too much, because I don't recall him actually abusing me or saying stuff like he says in my dreams. This is disturbing stuff.)
    13. 22 Nov: Team building at the office goes wrong and finding gold

      by , 11-22-2022 at 10:16 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

      At an office with coworkers but during the weekend. Some team building thing, which includes a sleepover at the office. First day all goes smoothly and we do our meetings and activities normally. Then at night we party, and from thereon all descends into chaos and debauchery, with lots of booze and sex. Some guy passed out and others put him on the xerox machine with his pants down and are printing dozens of photocopies of his butt. Maybe someone drugged us, I wonder. Next day, when I start feeling sober, I notice there's security cameras all over and I panic, because I remember doing some sex stuff right under some of the cameras. I tell my colleagues about it and they don't care. Some claim the cameras must be turned off, but I go check a central console that provides info on the cameras and I confirm they are on. Unfortunately, for security reasons, the console does not give access to the recordings nor allows to shut it down, it is just informative stuff. I then think if the office is all clean and tidy, maybe nobody will feel curious to see the recordings. If someone does and finds out what happens, they might end up on the web on some porn website and it will be the end of me. So I start taking out the trash and tidying things up frantically, in an effort to hide whatever happened during the night. The others really don't care and are already waiting for their ubers and lyfts. I find a document briefcase that seems abandoned. Nobody claims it and it is indeed mostly empty except for a crumbled paper inside, some kind of dirt at the bottom and something sticky in a pocket. It looks old and dirty and certainly should go to the trash, but first I look into all its pockets and crevices, as I always tend to find something useful or important left behind. And there is indeed a small blue plastic box, the kind that usually contains jewellery. I open it up and also contains some crumbled small pieces of paper, but beneath it isa bunch of necklaces and earrings that look like gold, but I am not sure. Then Fernanda looks over and she says "Oh, that's gold alright, 35 karats." And I am like "How can you tell?" And she just smirks and I remember she is into fashion and all things luxury, so I trust her judgement. Others call me a lucky bastard and I put it away before they start getting ideas. There's a few thousand euros in gold right there.
    14. 20 Nov: Trying to summon Buddhas, advising a lady who can't sleep

      by , 11-20-2022 at 08:50 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

      With Nighthawk, somewhere with other people around. Looks like an office as we are sitting in office chairs with wheels, but also feels like a café as people are just chilling in nearby tables. He is talking about something and I want to get closer to him, so I give an impulse to my chair to slowly roll to his side. But I pull it a bit too strongly and I roll too fast and bump into him. As a result I grab his legs and put my hands too close to his crotch and his reaction is to flinch and push himself back. I say sorry and he asks if I did it on purpose and I honestly can't tell. I feel like it was both accidental and intentional to a certain extent. I am also upset that he reacted that way but I guess it is to do with being in a public place with other people, so I don't insist and we just continue a normal conversation.

      At my parent's house but the house looks totally different from what it really was. My bedroom is normal but it is attached to some shed that has the roof cracking in the middle and we are all waiting for the moment it falls apart and trying to keep everyone in safety. But when it falls apart, the roof in my bedroom also falls apart and then half of my parent's room also goes down. We are tryig to take it calmly and make plans to cover it all with plastics until we get the reconstruction done, but my father starts calculating the costs and it is despairing. Anyway, we adapt to living like this. But for no good reason I now have to shower in my room, as the shower head is right above my bed. So I wet my bed completely. My mom suggests I wash quickly to reduce the amount of water soaking the bed and I wonder how I am going to sleep on it later as it won't dry until then. Then I remember we have a second bathroom with a shower that wasn't affected and wonder why we ain't using it.
      Then I become aware that I am dreaming and I teleport involuntarily to a street in a city with very modern architecture mixed with old palaces at an ocean front. I want to see the place but then I notice how long the street is and I don't want to walk it all the way, so I lift off to see it from above. I see this shore line to my left, another to my right and some more in front but far away. I dive in the water just for fun and wonder what to do with my lucidity as I don't have anything prepared. All that occurs to me is to summon Buddha Tara. All I get instead is a red or pink tide on the water, as if something is gathering to form a shape, but it never does. I focus harder on any Buddha to appear and one starts forming and getting out of the water. It is actually a white porcelain figure, looking much more like Budai, not any Buddha. Not very fat but a little chubby and with thin green lines making beautiful designs all over its "skin". It is human sized and I touch it to see if it is a statue or a living being. I am still in the water and he has risen above it, but I manage to touch its arms and legs and I am surprised that it feels like porcelain but also like a peachy skin at the same time and it is warm. It feels so pleasurable to the touch that I continue caressing it, I reach for the neck and chest. The statue then comes to life and scolds me for touching him inappropriately. He gets mad and summons guardians from the water. I start feeling threathened by the figures that start emerging and grabbing me. There is a floating platform nearby and I get up on it. A strong current forms and drags it, but I allow myself to go with the flow. Then I hit the shore and some monks appear requesting me to come along. I ask what is it and they say some Rinpoche requires my presence. I hope it's what I am expecting but deep down I feel that it is not. I follow them anyway and they take me to a house. We pass through a room where some monks or lamas are sitting watching tv and they take me to a bedroom in the back. I feel uncomfortable when all I see is a bed and a lama I don't know in a poorly lit room. But then I see there is a young lady laying down on the bed, I feel like she is his companion. I ask what is it they need me for. And he explains she can't sleep for a week or so and she is going mad and they are desperate. I ask if we can talk and he asks her to come forward and listen to me. At first she looks angry and uncooperative. I don't know what she expects from me, but I start by telling her about a friend I have that also couldn't sleep for a week and it was because of anxiety he wasn't even aware of. And suddenly her face changes and she is interested. I ask if there is anything in her life, past or future, that could be the source of anxiety. Something that happened and she can't let go thinking about it or something that is going to happen and she is consumed in fear or doubts about it. Slowly she admits it may be fhe latter. She is studying something and she is going to do an exam for which she feels totally unprepared and she thought she wasn't worrying at all, but now she sees she just wasn't aware of how the concern was consuming her. I give advice on how to let go and examples of how my friend managed to let go and she seems definitely calmer.
    15. 15 Nov: Cannibal apocalypse and hiding in underground bunkers

      by , 11-15-2022 at 08:12 PM (Lucid-schizo-dreamer)
      non-dream dream semi-lucid lucid FA / AP

      People snapped and turned cannibals. I am barricated with Zilla and some other folks at a school, but we gotta move somewhere else. We know of some secure underground complex which has as entrance at the city park.
      Strangely, downtown life seems to still be going very much as normal and we assume the madness hasn't spread here yet, but will. We even pass by some kids from another school playing football at their yard, oblivious. But we don't say a word to anyone. We reach the underground bunkers and there are plenty food reserves down there. We know that when the crisis is all over the place, eventually the government will come and use these bunkers, but we hope that if we're already there, they'll allow us to stay or else we'll fight to stay. The bunker spreads out into weird caves all over seven floors. On one floor there is a giant ballroom with black and white chess floor.
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