Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

Got an interview coming up.... FML. It's also a group interview. FML even harder.

New position at work is frustrating. Frustrating because I spent all the time/effort... for this? I'm barely learning anything because most days I'm not even given anything to do. I can't learn anything if I'm not even doing anything.

But it's frustrating because even if I was being trained properly, the job isn't really what I wanted to do. It's basically like doing household electrical work but on an industrial level. My schooling focused more on circuitry, like what I've been doing at home for fun (troubleshooting and repairing old stereo equipment). So for the most part I'm lost--I'm technically not allowed to do any live electrical work because I need to go through the company's training beforehand--but even if I could, I don't know these systems. They're not complicated, but with nobody showing me anything I'm stuck fumbling around in the dark until I figure it out on my own. And at this point I'm left not even caring. It's not what I wanted to do, and I'm not even being trained to do to do it. Why should I care? I know that's the wrong mentality, but I was excited and optimistic from the start. I can't only smile for so long while shoveling shit.

I'm waiting to hear from another job I bid on (same company). It would be far more relevant to what I was in school for, but it's also a far less in-demand job, so we'll see. I am considering looking for a new completely, but I'm almost positive that'll end up being a pay-cut. Working in a hazardous environment does have it's benefits, in terms of the paychecks.



That said, I had a lot of good stuff happening lately. But I'll leave that for another post, another day.

Yeowh..Damn biting cat

Kinda amazed I've managed to use a cold knife successfully on the sliding door windows of a Caravan. I didn't chip or crack either window and now all six windows on the sides of the van (not the front or back) are out successfully.

Also, Mother steamed parsnips... I find them so tasty. Nice way to end the day.

Got the flu. I hate being sick. Feeling fat and achy and sweaty and chilly all at once. On the bright side, have no exams or big things due tomorrow so have a pretty valid excuse not to go into class. I normally don't like to miss class but those classrooms are always kept so cold and I already got bad chills.

Also finally got caught up on Steven Universe. Not sure how to feel about Gem Harvest, I was hoping for some advancement of the gem plot, but this was one of the best human/slice of life episodes I think we've ever gotten and we get to see more of Greg's family and learn a bit more about his past. Better than no SU.

Also Peridot trying to teach the pumpkin. "Alright, say 'Clod'. 'Cl-od' "

Also very unable to decide what I should draw for my art thread next.

Originally Posted by JadeGreen

Got the flu. I hate being sick. Feeling fat and achy and sweaty and chilly all at once. On the bright side, have no exams or big things due tomorrow so have a pretty valid excuse not to go into class. I normally don't like to miss class but those classrooms are always kept so cold and I already got bad chills.

I can totally relate to that. Feel better soon, Jade.

Getting really tired of being alone. I'm lucky to have my boyfriend but my lack of friends is really getting to me... over the past 3 years I've tried so hard to be my twin sisters friend after she moved away and blocked me from her life but she blocked me a few days ago for probably the 4th time. Her reasoning is that I constantly blame her but all I wanted to do was talk about how she hurt me by blocking me and really everything that was going on with both of us. She said that she blocked me because I couldn't get over it... how do you get over it when you're being ignored and can't even talk and when you do talk she just blocks you again and expects you to be okay? I keep thinking that she'll try like I am and we can just talk even if we argue... and even if we have different opinions on our religion. It makes me feel like I'm some asshole and I know I have been mean to her in the past growing up just as she was mean to me... we were very close but it could possibly be from when I told my mom about her sexual experience with an older man when we were 17 years old. I was only worried about her so I told my mom and my mom almost made it so she couldn't move to Florida with her boyfriend but I told my mom to let her because I felt bad...

Now we're 21 years old and she practically hates me. She told me that I'm not her family. It really hurts me because over the few years I've been trying so hard to be a better person. We were both verbally abused growing up and I'd try to stand up for her when my mom would attack us but in the end I just looked like a bitch for yelling back at my mom. I just can't stop missing her and I don't want her to keep blocking me. Every time she unblocks me and replies to me I get so excited and think that we can fix our relationship and she can be my best friend but then she blocks me again. I can't keep doing this...

She had asked about my religion so I told her I'm Christian now from being a Catholic previously and she told me she's a Heathen, so I was honest and said that the bible is against that but I will accept her as my sister anyways. I figured we could just agree to have different opinions but then I went back to work and came back to being blocked and her last message was "No. You're never civil. You're a shitty person". I really don't understand why she can't just communicate even if she doesn't like everything she hears. I don't judge if anyone is a different religion and will be friends with them still, even if it does sadden me because I want her to be saved. I wouldn't bother her with it and probably wouldn't have ever brought up religion again with her but she can't even have one conversation about it without thinking I'm completely against her, even after I said that I would accept her multiple times...

I'm just so frustrated. She was my best friend and I thought we'd always be there for each other. She's really the only family I feel like I have to hold onto and she just pretends I don't exist. She has her new friends, she had her wedding without me and I just sit here alone because I'm still shy and scared of everyone. I remember being 12 and we would talk about how we'd have our wedding together on the same day even if that sounds silly now but I never expected that I wouldn't even be invited or know that she got married until after...

I really just don't understand why she thinks I'm so horrible. My boyfriend tells me I'm a good person and I like to think I am. I've been trying to improve myself over the years because I know I've been mentally affected from how I was raised. I haven't been mean to her though... if anything I used to be but she was to. I'm not the same person I was when I was 17 and I think I've come a long way since then. My goal has been to be the best person I can but she won't give me a chance... and here I am just waiting again. I'm thinking it will be at least a year before she unblocks me again and I'll be nice to her if she decides to message me... I'll keep trying because I can't stop caring about her and I would never ignore her because I can't lower myself to that level. Every time she blocks me it's like I'm being stabbed and I just expect it now but I still love her and it's making me really hate being an identical twin because I can't move on...

Not sure about why she's like that, but just don't talk about religion at all. There's a reason people don't talk about it in normal conversation, like, ever. Unless they're religious.

Tried to remove a windshield and cracked it. Not a bummer whatsoever, I was just trying to get it out of a junk van and was only about 90% done removing the sealer (really, I'm not being sarcastic.) I got every other piece of glass out without issue beforehand. I reclaimed my 10mm socket I lost in the van wall though (yay )

Later went on a trike ride with my Father which was fine. I do however feel like supporting the trail since it seems like it needs it.

@Kitt3nKlawz: Sad as it is she may think she knows what you're saying when she really doesn't. I was the same way but with my parents such as when I'd get pissed and ignore if they warned me against danger. My attitude was just a barrel of stupidity and I have the scar on my left index finger from a bread knife as proof. My finger's still functional and doesn't go numb but still, "willful ignorance" is NOT bliss.

Originally Posted by Kitt3nKlawz

I don't judge if anyone is a different religion and will be friends with them still, even if it does sadden me because I want her to be saved.

That is a pretty judgemental statement right there. Why do you assume that your sister needs to be "saved" just because her religion is different from yours? If you're trying to be a "good person", you could start by understanding that just because you believe in something, doesn't make it universally right.

I started a part time job at McDonalds on Monday and it is going pretty decently so far. Now my dad will stop bugging me to get a job haha, and the extra cash wont hurt. Should help when I go for proper jobs in the future as well. I will probably get sick of it after a few weeks though haha.

When I go wingless in the "Task of The Month" for too long I come over here and flop around and bitch about it. when I got wings you don't see me around here cause I'm out flying

Originally Posted by woblybil

When I go wingless in the "Task of The Month" for too long I come over here and flop around and bitch about it.

Come and flop around the chat. We got beer.

I get three days off of work thinking it will be a beautiful three days off, but I spent two days trying to recover from potential food poisoning that gave me excruciating pain. It was basically that one scene in Family Guy where everyone was throwing up. I'm surprised I was even able to spend an hour working on a project, and I feel I'm working through pain more than avoiding it. On the bright side, I do have 29 hours of sick pay to use, but I'm not sure if I can succeed in getting a doctor's note. I should be able to, but I really want to save those hours for something dire.

I never knew I would be vomiting over 6 lbs of content. And what's worse, I had one of those dreams where you try to cope with it all, and it seems it has the potential in doing so in distracting your awareness of the pain, but it just made me roll around like crazy in the bed. What felt like hours was only 2 hours of dealing with it. I feel a lot better now, but it's just ironically convenient that it happens on three days off. I can only imagine the horror at work if I had to deal with it then. Can you imagine being in a castle where everyone wants to support you, and then having another dream where the Venom is after your tail while dealing with the pain that's in your mind? Not fun, man...not fun at all.

Hope you feel better, soon.
I've been too busy and a little lazy to do tasks here for this month and last month. I still have a lot of lucids, though.
On Saturday, I accidently stepped on three rusty nails in the barn. The bigger of the three went thru my shoe and into my foot. Went to the hospital. Painful and a bloody mess. Felt sick. I admit, I'm not in the best mood today. I'm fighting anger and pain.

Originally Posted by Ibeauty

Hope you feel better, soon.
I've been too busy and a little lazy to do tasks here for this month and last month. I still have a lot of lucids, though.
On Saturday, I accidently stepped on three rusty nails in the barn. The bigger of the three went thru my shoe and into my foot. Went to the hospital. Painful and a bloody mess. Felt sick. I admit, I'm not in the best mood today. I'm fighting anger and pain.

I bet, There's nothing much more painful in everyday life than stepping on a nail,
And I have nailed my hand to the floor with a spike gun to prove it ^..^

This always bugged me.

So I finally went back to the doctors to get some help for my anxiety and depression again, and she just told me to suck it up and get over it lol? I explained her that I'm really not feeling so well and that I have so much trouble getting out of bed in the morning. Like honestly there are lots of days where I just feel too sick to get up, and where I just end up skipping the whole day. The doctor made me feel so embarrassed about it, like she would make these nasty comments such as:
"If you were my son, I'd force you to go to school, even if you weren't feeling too well"
"What do you expect me to do about it? I'm just a simple doctor"
"It's not like I can give you any medication for this"
And then she just gave me the number of a life coach? It felt like she didn't take any of this seriously, and that particular evening I was feeling really bad. And of course this only made me feel worse.

Then my ex girlfriend found out about it through a mutual friend, and she messaged me again (we hadn't spoken in months). She was really sweet actually, like she said that she's still always gonna be there for me and that she misses me as a friend. But after that chat, she just stopped replying, and I haven't heard from her ever since. But after that, I went to a gig on Friday and my ex was there as well, in fact she was stood in front of me with her current boyfriend during the entire gig. I felt so awkward and it made me feel like shit, I ended up crying myself to sleep that night because I still miss her. I still cry a lot because of the break up and it's been 6 months now?

But then there's this other girl that likes me, we've met up once and she was really sweet. But I don't think I'm ready for another relationship just yet. So now she's getting kind of impatient, because I know she wants to be more than just friends. But it just wouldn't feel right, and I don't want to just be with her because I feel lonely and still miss my ex girlfriend. That wouldn't be fair towards her. But then again, what if we do go for it, and it all ends well? I just don't know what to do anymore.

Oh and one more thing, I followed woblybil's advice and I went jogging a couple of times. It did make me feel a bit better, and it helped with my stress levels. But it seems that every time I go for a jog in the evening (somewhere between 6-9pm), I have trouble falling asleep at night? I go to bed around 12/1am, but then I would still be awake until 2/3am. Is it possible that going for a jog in the evening is the cause of this?

Originally Posted by Crashyy

So I finally went back to the doctors to get some help for my anxiety and depression again, and she just told me to suck it up and get over it lol? I explained her that I'm really not feeling so well and that I have so much trouble getting out of bed in the morning. Like honestly there are lots of days where I just feel too sick to get up, and where I just end up skipping the whole day. The doctor made me feel so embarrassed about it, like she would make these nasty comments such as:
"If you were my son, I'd force you to go to school, even if you weren't feeling too well"
"What do you expect me to do about it? I'm just a simple doctor"
"It's not like I can give you any medication for this"
And then she just gave me the number of a life coach? It felt like she didn't take any of this seriously, and that particular evening I was feeling really bad. And of course this only made me feel worse.

Then my ex girlfriend found out about it through a mutual friend, and she messaged me again (we hadn't spoken in months). She was really sweet actually, like she said that she's still always gonna be there for me and that she misses me as a friend. But after that chat, she just stopped replying, and I haven't heard from her ever since. But after that, I went to a gig on Friday and my ex was there as well, in fact she was stood in front of me with her current boyfriend during the entire gig. I felt so awkward and it made me feel like shit, I ended up crying myself to sleep that night because I still miss her. I still cry a lot because of the break up and it's been 6 months now?

But then there's this other girl that likes me, we've met up once and she was really sweet. But I don't think I'm ready for another relationship just yet. So now she's getting kind of impatient, because I know she wants to be more than just friends. But it just wouldn't feel right, and I don't want to just be with her because I feel lonely and still miss my ex girlfriend. That wouldn't be fair towards her. But then again, what if we do go for it, and it all ends well? I just don't know what to do anymore.

Oh and one more thing, I followed woblybil's advice and I went jogging a couple of times. It did make me feel a bit better, and it helped with my stress levels. But it seems that every time I go for a jog in the evening (somewhere between 6-9pm), I have trouble falling asleep at night? I go to bed around 12/1am, but then I would still be awake until 2/3am. Is it possible that going for a jog in the evening is the cause of this?

I'm not trying to be mean at the same time I am trying to be mean if that makes as much sense as I usually do!
I must agree with the doctor! What if the doctor couldn't get out of bed in the morning?
You must be your own advocate at times.
What do you want to do with your life? Be a leader? A follower or be your own man?
Do you think someone is going to lead you into becoming a Bush Pilot? A Sea Captain? Start your own businesses? Not likely, You must either become a self starter or be a follower.. There's no middle ground..
With that being said, I don't doubt that late jogging will help keep you awake! It may get you what I call "Over The Hump"... I know a number people that walk five miles before breakfast for just that reason..It can also be a prelude to becoming uniquely your own man..Not something you will find your follower type classmates doing!
^..^

Originally Posted by Crashyy

The doctor made me feel so embarrassed about it, like she would make these nasty comments such as:
"If you were my son, I'd force you to go to school, even if you weren't feeling too well"

That was a shitty thing to say, but it's actually quite difficult to find a good therapist because a lot of them know psychology theoretically but have no tact when it comes to actually dealing with people.

In my experience with depression, I have forced myself to go to work on 'bad days'. It's like putting a bandaid on a bullet wound. I felt like I'm doing better, temporarily, until the repressed emotions hit me harder than before. Eventually what worked for me was acceptance. I stopped resisting depression and I totally gave in. When I wanted to stay in bed and cry, I did exactly that. And I did it without guilt and without beating myself up for being unproductive. I just accepted that I'm depressed, I'm unproductive today and that's okay. When you believe that you "ought to be doing this and this and this...", it's easy to be stuck in a cycle of self-blame. Once I released the shame and guilt, I made peace with myself. Slowly I got 'bored' of being depressed and actually felt like doing things. I didn't push myself to do anything; I worked my way through my feelings until I reached the stage where I actually felt excited about going out and doing stuff. I hope this made sense.

Regarding the girl who likes you, the solution is simple. Be honest with her and explain your situation. Let her take the call on whether she wants to move on or stick around until you're ready.

After trying out this tablet monitor for close to a month now, there was some issue with it that I couldn’t put into words. Part of me was trying to justify that it’s just a graphical issue with having a laptop that has intel graphics and NVIDIA graphics causing conflict with giving a full color range with HDMI output. Then, I noticed this extreme color banding on the screen, which took me some time to really figure out it was the case. I tested it on two of my laptops that aren’t anything to sneeze at in terms of graphics, and I get the same results. I also tested it through a relative’s computer that has a different company’s graphics card, and it confirmed that it’s just the monitor itself.

I was kind of pissed off, and when I informed the company about it, they offered to give a replacement, or a refund. But the fact that they can’t give a viable solution with their drivers just shows this monitor in particular was an experimental one vs. the bigger screen version that seems to alleviate the color banding (presumably). But instead of complaining to them, I accepted their feigned kindness in giving me discounts for better displays, but I didn’t accept the actual offer. I didn’t want to take the risk, even though I’ll be getting my money back either way.

I decided to purchase a Yiynova 20U monitor instead. Don’t get me wrong, the other tablet monitor I have is good in terms of performance, but that color banding and posterization is just an eyesore. I just hope that I’m going to be lucky, and have a monitor that has no banding whatsoever. If I can just get that, I can finally get back into digital art again. It’s definitely challenging finding something other than a Wacom Cintiq that you can feel assured will last you for years.

Different tangent: I had a dream where it felt like a relative won the lottery, and we were thinking what we would do with the money, but it never felt like we were getting anywhere. The last dream I had where I saw a request for something landed me a commission, but this, I’m not sure if it’s anything to shrug off. I feel I have to be on a tight budget vs. random fantasizing about money.

Originally Posted by woblybil

I bet, There's nothing much more painful in everyday life than stepping on a nail,
And I have nailed my hand to the floor with a spike gun to prove it ^..^

Yikes!! Ouch!
Rave: My foot is healing, okay. Also, I have the total counts of 1,623 dreams this year 2016. About 600 of them are lucid. "It's dark, and I'm wearing sunglasses."
Rant: That advertisement on this site is still bothering me. First I had to mute it. Then it made my computer freeze up. I had to use "theCtrl-Alt-Delete" command to get out of it. Good thing, I didn't lose anything important.

Rave: Running and Yoga have been great additions to my workout routine. I don't really weigh myself or do any real body measurements but it looks like I'm losing the rest of that baby fat that five years of Taekwondo worked on, but didn't eliminate... (Fixing my garbage diet might be a better way to go, though. New year's resolution maybe?). I feel a lot more energetic and confident in myself than I have in the past. I'm not yet where I'd like to be but I'm getting there. :tropicalboxer: I think next spring, after I test for my black belt, I'm gonna take up archery.

Rant: Professors think they are helping us by hosting exams in class before finals then not actually using the time-slot the university alots to finals. But really they're just giving us less time to study. I wish we had the option to take exams at the normal time so I could have more time to study. I can't rant too much because my Programming professor gave us a take home exam and a week to do it. (Best not forget though.) Plus I looked over the problems and they are EASY.

Cry: The USB port on the side of my laptop got bent, now I can't stick anything in it. Granted I've had this macbook for almost as long as I've been a member here and it's somehow survived a very rigorous lifestyle without any hardware or software problems up until now. I'm down to 1 usb port and its on the lefthand side.

Complain: The only thing that's worse than final exams is final projects. I don't know if anyone else here has had to put up with studio art classes, but they're a lot of work.

Originally Posted by JadeGreen

Complain: The only thing that's worse than final exams is final projects. I don't know if anyone else here has had to put up with studio art classes, but they're a lot of work.

Yeah, I had those. But I kinda prefer projects because exams get me worked up and I end up not doing as well as I could have. They're a lot of work, but I get better grades because I actually do the work whereas most of my classmates were lazy and cut corners.