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    Recent Entries

    An Existential Discussion with Myself

    by JadeGreen on 03-31-2022 at 03:08 AM
    I'm visiting Puerto Rico with Manei. We have traveled there by way of a chrome propeller plane, it looked like a world war 2 bomber. The San Juan area also looked notably more compact and less developed than I ever remember it being. The largest roads in the city are two lane asphalt and there is almost a complete lack of high rises with most buildings still looking fairly traditional. The airport was a single runway and a couple of hangars, no proper terminal.

    She seemed to have handled most of the travel arrangements. She has us in a teal and red vintage car (all of the cars looked vintage to be honest). We drive for awhile and experience some pretty ragged time dilation. But at some point while driving she asks for the map and I bring it up on my phone. Barring the tech level and general tone of the dream my "phone" is an obelisk of pure glass able to project advanced holograms, and near instantly load our navigation with voice commands. It projects a hologram onto the windshield that helps us navigate. But when we get close to the house she tells me to put it away and not let anyone see it, as other people cant know we have advanced technology.


    The dream properly begins when we arrive at an orange stucco building with white slatted windows built along the beach. It is nighttime now but I can still see the building clearly as there is a streetlight built into a palm tree that illuminates the dream. The building is built into a hillside and we enter through like a utility door which takes us through a basement like space. There is a storeroom full of lumber, metal, bags of cement, piping, and boxes and boxes of raw materials, fittings and other construction materials. This then transitions into a robust workshop with several benches, shelves upon shelves of tools and some larger machining equipment like drill presses. Everything has a heavily worn appearance to it; well loved and well used. We then pass through into a large utility room with a generator, water heaters, electrical boxes, and a big gear shaped door. It looks like a fallout vault. Eventually we go up a fire escape into a laundry room.

    Manei then meets an older woman with graying hair who upon seeing her runs up and hugs her. They have a long dialogue which was in really minced-up rapidfire spanish that I can't recreate having not studied the language since high school. All I remember was that Manei referenced the woman as her "Abuela" in one instance and then her great aunt. I think Abuela was actually supposed to be her name. But at the same time the general gyst of the conversation was "Translated"

    Abuela: "Manei! Welcome back!"

    Manei: "High great aunt Abuela"

    Abuela: "Jesus maria jose you've gotten tall... look at you."

    Manei: "Can we stay here for free or do we have to pay to use the resort?"

    Abuela: "You and your friend are always welcome here. Provided you eat my brown rice and shrimp."

    Manei: "That sounds delicious, maybe tomorrow night. Can we use Marcus here."

    Abuela: "Bah, I dont care. Just don't let the other guests see you. They're all sleeping right now."

    I took Marcus out from a leather briefcase. He's been a little metal robot ball for years now. When I turn him on he seems pretty unhappy about the smell of the clothes in the suitcase. Abuela offers to do our laundry for free. She takes a lot of pride in doing laundry and actually enjoys it. I take the crystal smartphone too. Manei and I head down to the beach and the immersion in the dream is really cranked to 11. The sound of the waves, the warmth of the breeze and the hiss it makes as it passes through the palms, the moonlight reflecting on the ocean. Its all so detailed and realistic. I goof around with the dream for a few moments, picking up a large seashell and running my fingers through the sand. I feel the ocean water and wiggle my toes in the sand. I just become so enamored in the detail of the dream and thinking about how weird it is that its all a construct of the mind.

    "Theres more interesting things here than sand and saltwater." Manei said, squeezing my shoulder. We sat down and looked at the milky way.

    This was where the discussion happened.

    "I just want to meditate, none of this tomfoolery."

    She seemed disappointed. This was there the dream transitioned. I was still very much asleep but everything seemed to melt away. The clarity very quickly degraded. I was still very much asleep, but any visual of the dream was gone and the audio was more of a mishmash of inner voices. I could sense Manei was disappointed. She wanted to do something fun.

    Me: "Theres no sense in goofing around anymore. Our meetings are so few, so far between and so fleeting. Regardless of whether I practice or not the results seem the same. It's been over a decade now since I started this journey. Im going to get old by the time we make real progress. I want to get to know you but when its only for a few moments here and there... seemingly only often enough to just tease and tantalize me with another reality. One so immensely better than the one I spend so much time inhabiting. Its maddening, I would have preferred to never know this peace at all rather than see it only to have it so consistently ripped away."

    Marcus: "So you would rather spend what little dream you have lamenting this fact rather than enjoying it? Illogical."

    Manei: "Then tell me what would be enough for you? To become lucid every night? To spend hours here. You would always greedily desire more. You run the risk of becoming lost, losing sight of the reality you truly inhabit. This is merely a vision, perhaps what you might experience in your afterlife. Your next life. However you want to view it."

    Marcus' tone was cold and robotic. Manei started out with a stern anger but relapsed into understanding.

    Me: "So you mean to tell me this is out of my control? Even my own mind is not mine to command. There is no architecture or technique with which to circumvent this limitation, and I am so assured in that fact that I am now telling it to myself. It is so ingrained into my mind that I will never be able to convince myself otherwise."

    Marcus: "Would you prefer to wind up like me? A mind that has done away with emotion. Something approximating regret still plagues me for doing so."

    Manei: "I'm sorry to say this but your discipline lacks in that regard. I cant trust that you wouldn't neglect the waking world."

    Me: "I'm going to neglect the waking world either way. I've told you many stories of how cruel the people of wakingworld are. Wars, greed, disease-"

    Manei: "And yet you come here so often bringing violence."

    Me: "True. A Majority of my tenure in these dreams has been as an agent of violence. Regrettably so. I must confess I have developed a disdain for many of my human vices. The marching of time on my body, emotions and feelings that surge through me uncontrollably, and my insatiable desire to desire some things that I will never have. Through those countless acts of violence I have expressed my frustration with this worlds' many predicaments."

    Manei: "But those feelings and experiences are part of the human experience."

    Me: "You say that like the human experience is good because it is the default. Nobody said being a soul trapped in a prison of flesh and bone was some fundamentally amazing thing."

    Manei: "But I'm a human. And I choose to enjoy living, every moment of it. Even the difficult parts."

    Me: "But are you? Many times you have proven yourself supernatural... your physical avatar within the dreamworld. Do I count you as human as some component of me? Do I count you as human because you as you claimed were once a girl who lived in California, in some parallel earth. A parallel earth that seemed more free from the vices and failings of the one I inhabit, but still one in which you passed from terrible degenerative disease scarcely after reaching adulthood? Are you an avatar of God? Are you an angel? I can never know because there are so many lies and illusions and my experience of this universe so linear and fleeting."

    Manei: "I can't make you believe anything either way. It's kind of complicated."

    Me: "I'm not a fan of "its complicated" as a way of dodging the question."

    Manei was visibly annoyed. I can see why she doesn't like putting up with me. "You see your reality is how you view it. If you think I am a real spiritual entity then thats what I am. if you think Im just a part of your brain, then thats what I am."

    Marcus: "I can make him believe. From the wheel to the spinning wheel to the printing press. To the mushroom bomb, the figure-eight DNA and the three-two-two hyperdrive; humanity will march on. But we will always search for purpose and answers. You are but one speck in that. You have lived after four of the six milestones were met. If you live long enough to see the fifth then you will live long enough to see the sixth because you will be able to live forever then. Each of these milestones is not just the humans technology but alters their perspective on the universe. Then come the time of great questioning, when we go to the center of the galaxy and do the final test, and ask what the point of it all is and get all the answers from god or the universe or whatever you want to call it. So if you see the matrix be made and the events play out come contact me and tell me that you believe, because it is coming. if it does not get made soon your timeline is doomed and it doesn't matter anyways."

    Manei: "Are you only a cynic because of what you think other people believe and think they will judge you? There are so many people on your earth believing in undercooked religions that are all only half-right. A real sign of your maturity, that one. At least you take my lessons to heart and ask questions even if they are sometimes annoying ones that I dont want to hear."


    I lost the dream at this point either had a nighttime awakening, NREM or just forgot the rest of the conversation.
    Categories
    lucid

    Sea Nightmares Return

    by JadeGreen on 03-07-2022 at 04:17 PM
    I am adventuring with some DCs through the dreamworld, which in this instance had a very backrooms aesthetic. Walking through a lot of empty liminal spaces like abandoned malls, empty industrial lots, unfurnished homes etc. Eventually we come across this DC who reminds me of A living in this abandoned warehouse by a fishing dock. There is a small office attached to the warehouse where he has a bed and some supplies. He explains that he has been stranded in this dreamworld for forty years (he has drawn many, many tally marks on the side of the warehouse). Proceeding to explain that it obeys video game logic. There is loot that spawns periodically in some nearby crates, its always the same few items every time like some canned fish and whatnot. Enemies in certain areas. He has never found a weapon or way to fight them off and thus is stuck in this small peaceful area away from any enemies.

    He leads us around the inside of the warehouse where small fishing boats are stored and maintained in drydock. He explains that one of the loot that spawns is a spare parts kit that can be used to repair the boat but its a small one so each time it spawns he's only able to restore the boat by a little bit. I then notice that I've been separated from the other dream characters. He picks up a big pipe wrench and starts swinging at me.
    I become lucid and block the wrench with my arm. The metal becomes brittle and the wrench cracks in half. I then push him in the chest hard enough to send him through the corrugated metal wall of the warehouse. He's winded but still alive.

    I find the other DCs that I was adventuring with are all dead except for Manei (who may or may not have been with us originally) was hiding underneath the couch in one of the boats. She explains that we're stuck here and cant apparate/teleport out, and I can sense the danger in her voice. I tell her that I'm going to fly around to explore and she should climb up onto the roof so I can see that she's doing okay.

    I take off and begin flying around. I inspect my fire jets and they seem low resolution (like the fire is just a 2d image how its rendered in some low poly games). But they work fine that's all that really matters. Sadly this is video game logic and I bump into a lot of invisible walls trying to fly onto different rooftops etc.

    I then point out there is a sailboat we could escape on but its way out on the end of the dock. I land and we begin running there, however we both see something moving under the water. It lunges out at us. The nightmare is black with red eyes. Its mostly humanoid in size and body shape with long pointy ears and oversize arms with huge webbed hands tipped in long claws. It has a sort of scaly texture like an alligator, and geeze this guy was fast. I flew up in the air the first time he lunged out of the water and he got Manei. His jaw unhinged and he bit off her head in one bite before cutting her stomach open and eating her guts like spaghetti. I wont describe too many of the details here but it was pretty vivid and grotesque, but also sort of comical in a way.

    I threw a firebolt at him but all that did was make him angry. He then charged after me. I ducked out of the way, flying under the dock and up into the air once more. I summoned my amethyst bow, and though I didn't have a lot of faith it was going to put down one this troublesome, I decided to try. When he lunged up at me I fired, getting him through the shoulder. He did not take kindly to the magical amethyst arrow as he instantly dropped limp into the back of a row boat and then began writhing around in pain trying to get the arrow out. I transformed the bow into a spear and dropped down to stab him through the mouth. This seemed to be the killshot as the creature turned into a pile of black ash.

    "That was weird. Haven't seen one of these things in years."

    It is true. That particular form of nightmare was really common when I first got into lucid dreaming. Black and dark gray with red eyes, but they haven't showed up since I got into college. I saw that other areas had been unlocked and I was able to teleport. I was at Manei's house (though it didn't look like any previous depiction of her house, this time it was a big mansion in a tropical locale with a pool.) It was cloudy and raining a little but she was throwing a pool party. This big buff guy with a baseball cap brought several coolers of beer.

    "I have an announcement to make. Everyone know that big black monster with the long claw arms?"

    Most of the people in the party started chattering.

    "I killed it."

    Everyone gave an applause. I started getting in the pool to enjoy myself but woke up.

    Updated 03-08-2022 at 02:41 AM by JadeGreen

    Categories
    lucid

    Minecraft and Meditation

    by JadeGreen on 07-10-2021 at 04:44 AM
    The dream starts out within minecraft. I am in a birch forest and come across a decently sized house built on a hillside. Its made out of different types of wood, logs, fences and such. I look through the chests in the house and find some mostly standard minecraft stuff. Bread, wood, cobblestone, lots of iron and a few diamond tools. The owner comes up, some other Minecraft player who greets me and invites me to join the server/community/etc. I follow them a short distance down a river and find myself on the shore of the ocean where the river flows out into the ocean and there is a beach party.

    I become lucid. After briefly pondering what to do, I decide to meditate within the dream. I seat myself and begin my counting technique. This results in some very interesting effects on the dream as it begins to morph between realistic and the minecraft world. The beach goers change from minecraft people to real life people. The bank of the river which I am seated next to partially morphs into a realistic appearance, resulting in the diagonal river bank of blocks to resolve as cubes of realistic and tangible dirt with green grass on top. I could run my hand through the grass and pull it up. I could run my hand along the side, bust apart the packed dirt and feel the finely formed corner of the block. I mentally get up and investigate the beach which has undergone a similar effect. The beach is made up of one meter cubes of sand. But it is real tangible sand that obeys real physical properties and is just compacted enough to retain its shape. If you disturb it it will begin to crumble and come apart into a more naturalistic form.

    Normally I find dreams pertaining to video games to often be extremely dull and bland but both in the moment and in hindsight I was fascinated by this effect. I continued to meditate, hearing some form of voice say to me that I should be sure to document this dream (well here I am) and attempt to lucid dream the following night. (Well here I go...)

    As I have been meditating some clouds above the beach have lingered but are slowly dissipating with each breath. The number of beachgoers seems to be dwindling as well. Then I opened my eyes and saw my IWL room. I'm not sure if I dreamed this or not but I closed them again and by some miracle managed to return to the dream for perhaps ten or fifteen more seconds before I woke up for good.
    Categories
    lucid

    Dream Drop: Random Semi Lucids

    by JadeGreen on 01-12-2021 at 05:07 PM
    I am outside this large estate. It's owned by this man who looks like Sherlock Holmes and a large group of servants, friends and family members. I have trespassed on his property or owe him some kind of debt and the only way that I can repay it is to hunt and kill the bear that lives on his property. The property he lives on is very expansive and very detailed for a dreamworld, consisting of rolling open fields and dense clusters of trees with the occasional pond or river running through. Gravel trails and roads cut around his property and his wealthy friends and family ride around on little cars like golf carts.

    Regardless my only weapon in the hunt for the bear is a stack of cheese slices. I tried eating some of them but they didn't have any flavor but they were supposed to be my weapon. So I tried very carefully breaking them into the shape of throwing stars instead. I heard something rustling a nearby bush and watched as a large form rushing behind another bush. I started to back away but the "bear" came out. This is the only sequence of the dream that I remember clearly.

    It turns out the bear was actually this mike tyson looking fellow with an abnormally large and muscular body and small (average sized) head who was about 8-9 feet tall, and was wearing studded armbands and a fur kilt like a barbarian. It didn't seem to be a play on "bear" as a body type as he had hairless washboard abs and a lot of rather lean muscle. He begins charging me. I throw my cheese slice thorwing stars and they are about as comically ineffective as it would be in real life.

    When he gets close he assumes a boxing stance and throws a punch. I pull back. He throws another, and I block it. He's strong but he doesn't have that terrifying strength where simply blocking with my arm breaks it or even hurts that much. But I still want to be careful. He swings at me again and I pull back a ways then start charging him, jump in the air and try to kick him in the face and he ducks out of the way. I pass over him and pull back, primed to kick again. I throw a feint and then an actual kick, connecting to the side of his body which stuns him. He cries uncle and I relent.

    The guy then explains to me that he's been trapped on this guy's property and been forced to hunt down people he doesn't like for his amusement. I argue that together we should be able to storm his mansion and bring him to justice, but he doesn't seem interested in revenge. Instead he shifts the conversation to be about his feelings and in turn the mike tyson character turned out to be this big softie.


    -+-

    Something to do with being in Toronto and there was a green Sharknado with mutant sharks inside of it and lightning. I was at least semi lucid and making note of how detailed the destruction caused by the tornado in the dream was.

    -+-

    Something to do with being in Florida with my father and some other assorted family members vacationing.

    -+-

    I got lucid and started flying through space at massively FTL speeds, arriving in a binary star system and landing on the moon of a gas giant where I meet Marcus. The planet has purple skies and lakes and large rock towers and mesas scattered about. The vegetation comprised of tall palm trees with paddle like leaves and small grass with nodules on the end. The plants all have jet black leaves with an odd oily sheen to them when viewed from certain angles can look like a dark bluish green or reddish purple.

    An alien lifeform approaches me. Its body is slightly larger than a human head, and looks something like an exposed brain but made of a hard material like bone. It has 3 compound eyes in an inverted triangle and two long limbs with hands hanging below its body, and two shorter limbs which also have hands. On the sides of its body are dark purple fleshy organs, two to each side and an organ that beats very rapidly like a heart. There is a bioluminescent patterning across its body which is very visible in the dim light of the forest.

    Marcus is there, in his robotic form, and explains that these are member of an alien race that we would call the Ta'grool. He goes on to explain that they have the levels of intelligence and societal development of early humans. The organ on the side stops beating so rapidly and the creature lands, using its longer set of limbs to stand.

    Marcus goes on to explain that on this planet, many creatures have evolved an organ which functions as a lung, heart, and thruster system, and that is how these aliens are able to fly. (He gave this organ a name but I don't remember it). He explained how rings of muscle create a pumping action that forces air through the organ fast enough to create some measure of thrust. Enough that a lighter creature can hover for a short time. Since the organ also functions as their heart and lung it feeds oxygen through rapidly to sustain this intensive activity, and the oxygen doesn't have to travel far to get to the muscles which do the pumping.

    I asked him why he was introducing me to this alien. He returns simply by responding how life is fascinating to him.
    Categories
    non-lucid , lucid

    Lust, Ink and Answers

    by JadeGreen on 10-08-2020 at 01:40 PM
    Spoiler for NSFW Sex:


    -+-

    In dream I was at work and I had a small tattoo on my left arm. In dark blue ink I had a dreamcatcher on my bicep and it was wrapped in plastic wrap. I couldn't remember why I had gotten it or how I had made it through (IRL I'm terrified of needles) but nevertheless I was showing it off.

    -+-

    Manei and I met in what seemed like a restaurant kitchen. She is telling me about a date she went on that went badly, that she saw some guy and he didn't like her. I don't remember her exact dialogue but she complained that the guy kept telling her she was too tall and looked too skinny from the side.

    "First of all, that sounds really shallow. Second of all, this is a lucid dream, can't you look however you want?"

    "Well of course I could. How one wants to express their truest self in a [plane of existence where such things are malleable, (this part was in dreamspeak and didn't translate, as is everything else in this convo in brackets)] is a form of self expression that nobody should deny or try to change, ever. If someone doesn't love you for who you really are then that's their problem not yours. I mean having an opinion is one thing but you shouldn't be a dick about it. But he didn't think that and thats why I didn't agree to a second date."

    We left the kitchen and were at a fancy beachside resort at twilight. It had a tall hotel tower with a lot of balconies and large pool. There was a long sidewalk with dwarf palm trees on both sides leading out onto the beach. There were two suns, one smaller than the other and the big ringed Saturn planet so this must have been that dream planet. She asked me how my 'date' went and for some reason implied the earlier dream.

    "Well it wasn't much of a date, not much emotional bonding." I said openly sharing the memories of the prior dream. "The guy finished in about 5 seconds, and he was wearing spongebob underwear."

    She abruptly changes the subject. We sit down together in a large net hammock.

    "I was born in [Either Hawaii or Southern California on some other timeline, so don't bother looking for me in records]. I got sick when I was about 12, and died when I was about 18 or 20. I never got to go out and meet people and fall in love. Even when I was at the end, when I so weak could barely move, the doctors would bring me out in a wheelchair or a bed to watch the sunrise in the beach and would tell me that I was smiling. When I passed the higher ups gave me a lot of choices since I had a short life and didn't get a chance to do what I wanted. I chose to do this, to live on as a fragment of someone else. Its one of the few ways I could keep my individuality and most of my memories."

    "You know I can't truly believe that. It's hard to believe you're anything but a fragment of my own consciousness trying to justify its reason for existence."

    "Science and physics as you know them does not explain everything, you know that. Its intentional, the higher ups intentionally constructed your plane of existence that way. They wanted it to be so convoluted and difficult to comprehend that humans wouldn't bother to try but yet you try anyways. Right now I think humans of your earth are close to some big breakthrough but the Higher ups aren't ready for you to make it yet, thats why they put that virus in there, to distract you."

    "Here's the part I never understood. Why would god or the higher ups or whatever hide his true presence?"

    "They told me but I can't comprehend or understand either. [Think like what Marcus said. The difference between a monkey and a human. Their cells and bodies are 99% the same but that 1% is the difference between a monkey that can break a nut with a rock and a human that can build a spaceship that flies to the moon.

    The Higher ups are like just a few more percent, because to them we are monkeys looking up at the moon and not even understand it as a place you can go. Try as a might you cannot explain to a monkey how a rocket or particle accelerator works or the complex political and scientific reasons you want to build them. The monkey will just ask why you didn't spend that time getting food or having sex. Your motivations are so complex compared to them that they might as well be nonsense. Sometimes its seems like they are hurting you causing disasters and pain and killing humans. When someone who is Cristian says "the lord works in mysterious ways" they are not just trying to make an excuse why bad things happen when their god should be watching over and protecting them. Well... sometimes they are, but what they really mean to say is this.

    You can not believe anything else I ever tell you but please believe this. Those higher beings are out there, you can call them aliens or gods or visitors from other universes; they don't really care what we call them but they exist.]


    "Okay." I respond. I can tell the dream is destabilizing and I put my arm around her shoulder, feeling how solid it is. "Daymn, gurl. Your shoulder feels like steel." I say, completely shifting the tone of the conversation. She laughs and despite my attempts to stabilize the dream fades out.
    Categories
    lucid , non-lucid