New Dream Adventures of Raven Knight

11/22/11

I am inside the game of Oblivion. I am walking through a forest, just randomly exploring to see what I can find to do. Maybe I'll stumble across a quest or something, or a place I haven't been before. I think I should have armor and weapons… why don't I? Well, I'll just have to find it around. Use magic until I get a sword. I throw a fireball just to be sure that ability is working, and it is working fine. So I continue exploring and finally I come across a cave partially hidden in the tall grass. Perfect, I'll explore in there. I go into the cave and pause while my eyes adapt to the darkness. The first thing I find is a skeleton on the ground. I wonder how long that guy's been here. I take the armor and sword and shield off the skeleton. It is leather armor and shield, a long sword that looks pretty standard. I pause, thinking I don't remember things being quite this realistic when I take armor and put it on in Oblivion, but I finally brush that off and put the armor on.

I take the sword and proceed farther into the cave. A bandit announces his presence by asking who the fuck I am, then he attacks. I block with my shield and return the attack. The fight is a short one, ending with my blade through his chest. His last words are to make sure I know he thinks I am a fucking bitch. I see light ahead in the cave and approach it. When I look into the chamber beyond I see there are two more bandits in the cave… a man and a woman… and there is a man in an area of the cave closed in with bars like a prison. The man is over at the bars yelling at the prisoner, it sounds like he wants to get some kind of information from the prisoner. The prisoner is refusing to talk. The bandit is eating a large turkey leg, and he takes a large bite. He waves the meat in the prisoner's face. He said if the prisoner doesn't talk, he doesn't eat. Watching the prisoner starve to death could be amusing… but just tell them what they want to know and he can have a share of their food and be on his way. The prisoner says he doesn't believe that, as soon as he talks they'll kill him, so he's not saying. The bandit calls the prisoner a stubborn piece of shit and turns away… and right towards me.

This bandit sounds just like the other one… greeting me with a "Who the fuck are you?" The woman, who has been watching the prisoner up until now, turns around and also sees me. She says if I came to rescue the old man I had made my first big mistake… which was thinking he was worth saving. And my next big mistake was coming here alone. And my third and final big mistake would be not running away right now. The man is muttering something about an incompetent partner… the woman attacks me with magic. She throws fireballs at me, I send them back at her with Whiplash. I tell her she'll have to do better than that. She summons lightning, I take control of it with Battery and focus the power into my sword. I now have an electric sword. The other bandit finally stopped muttering expletives and he attacks me. His sword clashes with mine, metal to metal… and the electricity flows into him, electrocuting him. Cool effect! The woman continues attacking me, throwing more fire. I use the song spell Battery on her and hit her with a bolt of lightning directly, she is burned by the heat and dies. Now to collect loot. I take all of the loot off the fallen bandits… armor, weapons, other assorted loot to include an amulet from the woman and a couple health potions from the man. I find a chest and open it to find some jewels in it. I take all the loot and put it in some unseen inventory… in an interdimensional pocket? Hammer space? Up my ass? The prisoner is calling me, asking me to please let him out. Cool it, I'm getting to that. I unlock the cell door with a key I found on the male bandit and open it. He says just because I rescued him doesn't mean he can tell me anything, but if I come back with him, the elder may share the secret with me. The secret is not his to share. This sounds interesting, so I say I'll come, but then I wake up.