Hopeless Wanderings

I had the most depressing dream ever last night and I just have to record it.

My sister committed suicide. I was torn up. I couldn't stop crying. I was SO devastated. My parents were devastated to but they didn't seem as upset as me. I was just.. I don't know how to describe it. The feeling was AWFUL. Crying, crying, and more crying. I woke up still feeling the sadness.

It felt SO real that when I woke up I still felt like something was wrong, so I got in touch with her(she seemed ok). This dream made me realize that I don't know what I'd do if she died, I'd just be torn to pieces.

I was in the house of an old friend, Rachel, with my mom and a friend. The house was brand new, walls and furniture covered in white. Rachel's mom was standing in the kitchen, welcoming us. There were some black hand towels on a rod on the wall and me and my friend used them to dry our hands. Eventually, Rachel's older brother came up to us and said something like, "You're messing up my towels! There's towel fluff on the ground!" I didn't see anything wrong with a bit of towel fluff on the ground so I said, "It's just a little bit of towel fluff! It won't ruin your towels!" But then he started yelling at us about it and told us to get out of the house. I walked toward the door and he said things like, "you're a mess! you're worthless!" etc. Me and my mom were then standing outside the house at this huge window. The window was all foggy and I was able to write on it. I wrote, "You asshole! I AM messed up! I (can't say this part) ....(tried to think of a number even though I lost count).... 10 times!" He looked at at what I wrote. Then, I appeared back in their house and was washing dishes. I knew I didn't belong in there, so I was crying. I used a towel to wipe away my tears, but still I was crying. It was that beautiful, real emotion I experience in dreams once in a while. I then saw him standing behind me. He wasn't angry, but just standing there in silence watching me as I continued to cry.