Blue_Opossum

Of One of Four Dolls

Morning of May 28, 2020. Thursday.

Dream #: 19,519-02. Reading time (optimized): 3 min 30 sec.



My dream’s initial setting is a unique variation of our current home (with much of my waking-life identity viably modeled), but the focus is mainly on a distortion of the second house from ours. (That house has been empty for a long time in waking life.) Zsuzsanna and I are going to go and look at the inside of the house. I remember it is smaller than ours, but in my dream, it is unrealistically inadequate at first. However, in the final scenario, the setting is a mostly empty lounge room that is bigger than our lounge room.

When I am in the house in its lounge room (before it transitions to its larger size), I consider how the back room, as the house only seems to have two, has walls covered with an unusual dark material. It is somewhat like pairs of insect wings evenly and vertically covering all of the walls, additionally reminiscent of fish scales. It seems to be a result of the room being unused for so long, giving the impression of unsuitability for a potential tenant.

I eventually notice four dolls standing in a row. Each is about a foot high. I focus my attention on one that represents a girl wearing roller skates. This precursor to the vestibular-cerebral handshake (the fundamental waking process to alert the sleeping mind to comprehend physical awareness to move and rise from bed) exponentially vivifies my dream, as is usually the case, even when witnessed rather than inherited.

Although the doll can stand on its own, it seems to be somewhat rickety at first. There is a button below its chest that will activate it. When I press and rub it, the doll continues to quiver (which results in a vestibular-somatosensory-cerebral handshake, vivifying my dream to the next stage) but soon rolls away, moving in an arc.

My auditory cortex becomes active as the final dynamic of the cortical handshake. The doll vividly speaks in a young female voice as it circles the room. “Ooh, I am moving. Ooh, what’s that? Ooh, it’s a box.” The doll bumps into an empty cardboard box that matches its height, though immediately turns, rolls a short distance, and bumps into another one opposite the first.

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I awake with a slightly shaky feeling from being overheated.

Most dream content (excluding liminal and enigmatic integration as well as modulation by my conscious self identity) is always a unique rendering of the same waking processes, simple as that, that is, imaginary compensation for the vestibular-cerebral handshake (and as here, additional somatosensory cortex and auditory cortex activity). Ever since I was a child, it has remained mind-boggling that I have rarely seen anyone comprehend this no matter how clearly it has been explained and validated thousands of times since I first wrote extensively about dreams at age eight.

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I will present here another rundown on this in my 5,100th Internet entry.

Dream content is fundamentally co-occurrent with the dream state. As explained many times before, “Similarly, he (Herbert Silberer) has shown that the conclusions of some dreams or some divisions in their content merely signify the dreamer’s own perception of his sleeping and waking…in persons who are gifted philosophically and accustomed to introspection it may become very evident.”

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It should be self-evident that the shaky doll was a simulacrum of my emerging awareness of my physicality that needed addressing. It was upright and on roller skates (in contrast to my concurrent physical status), with similarity to my “Annabelle” dreaming experience from March 4, 2020. In that instance, the doll was bigger. Additionally, I decided to wear roller skates to enjoy the vestibular experience.

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Now, some clarification to wrap it all up.

Why was the activation button below the doll’s chest? It was because of co-occurrence with my mild indigestion, where I typically press on or rub the same area for some relief.

Why was the doll on roller skates? This feature is the result of vestibular cortex activity that has not quite correlated with the emergence of my physical status during REM sleep (the same factor that causes sleep starts, in other words, the transition of atonia to myoclonus).

What is with the empty cardboard boxes? They are concurrent with the absence of full cortical integration, as virtual walls always are in the dream state, and ultimately with every other factor of liminal modulation. (For example, one person told me how he crashes through a wall to wake himself, though I often use a virtual door, and one of my more vivid early childhood dreams ended with a bull crashing through a wall. There is no need to pretend it “means” something else.)

What about the small room in the back with peculiar walls? I just explained what “walls” are, but the pairs of insect wings are more about a potential increase in neural energy. Their dormancy correlates with the absence of a cortical handshake and no anticipated myoclonus at that point.

Why was the doll female? I am more likely to associate a doll with feminine attributes, even though it is an analogy of how my body does not move while sleeping. However, I have not done the thousands of correlations needed to confirm that vestibular simulacrums are more often female than male.

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Morning of March 4, 2020. Wednesday.

Dream #: 19,434-02. Reading time: 1 min 24 sec.



My final passive lucid dreaming event (before I allow it to dissipate) in the first stage of my sleep cycle includes audio only (with no imagery or physicality): “I’ll stay with him until he dies.” (It is the preconscious cue closing the final gate to conscious awareness in entering deeper sleep. The first hour or so of every sleep cycle all my life has consisted of vivid lucid dreams of various types.) The unfamiliar voice is masculine but somewhat artificial as the formant is too high (though still coarse) to sound human.

Later, instinctual awareness of being asleep results in an unusual scene implied to be from a movie. It features a male high school principal’s corpse on the top shelf of a hall closet. It seems someone may have killed him. It is the rendering of a sleep simulacrum, which is a factor of every sleep cycle. He represents the cessation of cognizance and the lack of discernible physicality while asleep, though sleep simulacrums only stem from mortality analogies with emergence from a deeper sleep.

As an additional result of that process, a parallel analogy emerges into my dream’s imaginary narrative. The Annabelle doll appears in an undefined room. (The association is that physicality is not feasible while asleep, so I am like a doll.) However, it is not ugly (as in the movies). It is about the height of a six-year-old and has blood on the shoulders of its dress. There is another (unknown) male doll of about the same height. Throughout this scenario, there is only cheerfulness in my belief I am guiding the continuity of a movie. Even so, I instinctually anticipate somatosensory dynamics and pick up both dolls (which vivifies my dreaming experience), and I walk through the mostly featureless room.

As I carry the dolls, my instinctual awareness of imaginary proprioception increases, and as a result, I find an antique pair of roller skates (the kind without shoes). I put my feet on them, and as I am doing this, my dream becomes increasingly vivid. Eventually, after some realistic movement, my dream fades without discernible waking dynamics.

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Morning of May 2, 2018. Wednesday.



My dream begins with the very common circadian rhythm correlation of the “something wrong with the sun” factor.

In late afternoon, I am in a distortion of my Cubitis home, on the east side of the living room, though it is implied as our present home. I become aware that the sun is becoming too hot for life to continue on Earth. Thus, this is a typical “end of the world” theme (though these are rarely nightmarish for me in the way described by other people), which has occurred on a regular basis for over fifty years. I perceive much of the solar system as being oriented above and beyond the house to the east, with the implication there is no detail rendered elsewhere (such as beyond the other side of the world or to the west). This is surreal, as there are vestibular dynamics where I seem to “fall” into outer space in a dream within a dream and then shift back into my original dream’s setting without waking or with any perceived concurrent threat or concern other than the prospect of the sun eventually becoming too hot. It is as if my dream self is subliminally testing the autosymbolic (vestibular) design of my dream before deciding to continue (even though I am not viably lucid).

I am aware that the sun’s heat will be increasing exponentially, and that in a few hours it will be about 6,400 degrees (or 80^2). A number of unknown people are present. Some of the others talk about surviving for a few additional hours. Apparently, they believe they can live for an extra hour or two, or longer, by staying in a building with an air conditioner that remains on. We all go out to find a safer location.

There is a surreal scene where I am temporarily inside an upright hollow rectangular prism. Someone else is near the top looking down at me, as I am looking up from within it. There is some sort of ambiguous association with it being a vehicle. It seems nighttime at this point, but soon switches back to afternoon.

While in an unfamiliar building on the third floor, I watch equidistant soap bubbles float by outside. I realize that this means aliens are present (subliminally influenced by comic book story I had not thought of at all in years). I consider that the aliens are here to save humanity, even though I only see the spaceship briefly in a dream within a dream. Some of the others suggest that we need to go underground, though we remain on the first floor for a time.

My dream becomes more vivid and I am now in a distortion of the Loomis Street house, near the back door. A doll walks in from outside. It is about a foot high. It does not talk but makes clicking and humming noises as if to analyze a person’s status. A teddy bear also walks in as well as a stuffed elephant (with a floral print) walking on its back legs. They are all the same height.

In the final moments prior to waking, I consider that the friendly and helphful aliens are very shy, so they sent in these devices to make first contact and to study people for a time before taking the human race to another planet to ensure survival.

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The “alien” association is caused by the transient dream self not being correlated with the conscious self identity while in REM sleep (as the non-lucid dream self has neither viable contact with the unconscious, such as consistent memory of personal history, or the conscious self identity as in waking life, though most people do not have the ability to realize this at all, hence belief in nonsensical forms of “interpretation”). This is not quite as common as more mundane RAS correlation factors. This is resolved by the introduction of the dream state indicators, teddy bear (first-level dream state indicator) and doll (autosymbolism for the physical body being inactive in sleep - more specifically, my subliminal awareness of Zsuzsanna also being asleep). An elephant, the last “toy” to enter the room, is autosymbolism for the waking alert factor in this case, due to how it “trumpets” (initiating the return to waking consciousness). Once my fictitious dream self subliminally accepts the dream state indicators, RAS modulation begins the waking process. Additionally, this is also a form of doorway waking symbolism, as the “toys” walk in through the back door from outside. (There is no personified preconscious factor as the “toys” hold this role.)

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Morning of September 9, 1966. Friday.



I am apparently on a spaceship, though there are no others around except for a couple of adult males who are talking near the end of a hall until they go around a corner (a common event in early childhood dreams). As I wander around, not being focused on much of anything, I see what I first think is a baby lying on the floor on its back, though partly covered with a ragged blanket. I soon consider that it is probably a plastic doll that someone dropped, but upon closer look, it is a heavy metallic statue of a man in a combat helmet, though unrealistically rendered somewhat as having a baby’s body proportions.

Later, a young girl with a lion shows me to the “front door” so I can go home. She is carrying the “statue”, which is now a ragged cloth doll with no apparent face, which is smaller than what this oddity had been minutes before. The “front door” turns out to be a semicircular ceiling (somewhat like the essence of a cave rather than a building or spaceship) that first seems to display outer space, though eventually I see the buildings of La Crosse and my apartment building. My dream fades from here.

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The night before (September 8, 1966), I had watched the first episode of “Star Trek” ever shown on television; “The Mantrap”; as well as the “Tarzan” episode “Eyes of the Lion”, which came directly before it on the same channel. This “Tarzan” episode (as well as movies like “The Lion” from 1962, which also featured a young girl with an adult male lion) had influenced a number of my dreams later on despite the fact I had confused it in my teenage years with “The Haunted Lighthouse”, an episode of “Lost in Space” that also featured a girl (Penny), a lion, a cave, and “going back home”, though that did not air until October 18, 1967. In the “Tarzan” episode, a young blind girl who lived in a cave used an adult lion as a seeing-eye animal. (I am still wary of lions in some dreams, depending on my level of unconsciousness in relationship to my dream state awareness level, as it is a natural factor of potential RAS modulation as the waking alert factor, and additionally as emergent consciousness coalescence, as a lion can swallow the dream self, though this coalescence factor has been re-symbolized as hugging in some dreams, by way of virtuous circle, as with “Changing the Lion of Coalescence into my Wife Zsuzsanna" from December 3, 2016).

I can easily see the autosymbolism of this dream. The soldier statue was implied as a RAS modulation precursor, as RAS is often aggressive if I subliminally decide that it is not time to wake yet. However, I eventually accepted consciousness reascension and there was no conflict. Learning the nature of the dream state at an early age was very beneficial, as nightmares or even “bad dreams” are extremely rare, other than when biologically premonitory.

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This online dream journal entry was reformatted from the source material, abridged, and clarified on Wednesday, 21 February 2018.

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Morning of July 28, 2014. Monday.



I am in an undefined indoor location in my dream but with somewhat of a sense of being in the Barolin Street house (where we moved from in the beginning of 2008), though there is also a lesser awareness of the Gellibrand Street apartment in Clayfield (our first home together). Zsuzsanna is present in some scenes.

My attention is on a plastic doll of 18 inches of the generic kind that represents a female toddler in standing position, dressed in 1890s fashion. Apparently, I had gotten this doll in the mail recently. I notice a number of signatures of former schoolmates and friends, most written in either blue or black ink. The handwriting is mostly on the lower arms, hands, and legs of the doll.

Wrapped sparsely around parts of the doll is at least a four-foot length of sections of retied “wire”. Though it looks like barbed wire, it may be craft sinew. There are only a few twists around each limb and a few around the body. The “wire” firstly seems soft even at the junctures of the knots.

There is also a small booklet that is tied on with a small thin ribbon around the neck, which seems to hold a series of messages from different people over time and intended for anyone that temporarily has the doll before they mail it to someone else, the tone of the writing somewhat like that found in a typical school yearbook.

The doll also apparently serves as a fancy friendship book (FB), which is sent from person to person for each to add their contact details. (This was common practice for penpals, though some of whom annoyingly and intentionally collected the booklets and foldables of various themes, styles, and materials instead of passing them on). I am not sure who to send it to. I read a message from Toby, my best friend from school. He talks about what a good idea this “friendship book” is.

Later, there is a second doll, seemingly of which has not passed via as many people. The second one has sharp and thick barbed wire around it in a few areas of the limbs and body as well as a small part of the head. A length of it is disentangled and somewhat loose.

I consider sending both of the “friendship books” on their way, but I feel a bit uncertain because of the potential harm the projecting barbed wire (on the second doll) may present for those I send it to (or anyone handling the package itself assuming it is wrapped in paper rather than being sent in a box). I test the possible danger by moving my hand against the wire to make sure it is flatter and not of a potential to accidentally cut someone, but I soon come to believe that it would not be a good idea to mail either doll.

My dream starts to lose cohesion. When I look at the second doll again, it has transformed into a flat cardboard cut-out doll of the same frontal appearance. It begins to separate into sections and copies of those same sections, relating to a potential to then rebuild it, even the nose then needing to fit into the face of which has a cut-out circle where the nose cut-out would fit into, as well as a redundant additional full face cut-out. Eventually, the aspects of my dream change to where the transformed doll is apparently now a paper tole or 3D decoupage project. The “barbed wire” seems no longer present or relevant. I am not sure how to proceed, as it now seems a more time-consuming task to meet the responsibility of passing on the school reunion addresses, messages, and signatures.

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One layer of my dream was an incidental distortion of “wiring someone” as in sending them a message. However, barbed wire is associated with a fence and a fence typically represents a division between dreaming and waking (especially the higher preconscious level). Additionally, a doll typically symbolizes the status of being asleep and inactive while in the dream state and thus is not usually a symbol of real life relevance. I consider this dream important with respect to that understanding as it also redundantly validates a doll as of a specific level of unconsciousness due to the parallel symbolism of being “of a fence” (liminal space divider) as well as how being unconscious limits the movement of the physical body. There is an additional revelatory feature of the friendship book element regarding the transpersonal nature of the preconscious (closer to the collective unconscious than either the dream self or conscious self identity, relating to both static and dynamic influences from other people, though depending on the personal will of the individual).

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It was my dream self’s focus of intent that transformed the doll into flat cardboard and thus changed the original nature of my dream. Recall that I was deliberately checking to make sure the wire was not sharply protruding outward, so this was non-lucid dream control, not lucidity as I was unaware that I was dreaming in this case.

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Revised, clarified, and simplified for the casual reader on Sunday, 22 October 2017.

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Morning of September 30, 1967. Saturday.



Regardless of my dream’s setting seeming like a street intersection, there is indoor outdoor ambiguity. (I am unsure if I am inside a large building or outside on an actual street). It seems to be early morning before sunrise. It is dark, but I can discern certain details.

I become aware of what seems to be a Raggedy Ann doll hanging from a noose, though there is some degree of ambiguity where both hanging by the neck and hanging by the waist are considered. I mostly only see the silhouette of the doll itself and the shadow it casts. (My decision that it is hanging by the neck is based on influence from television Westerns such as “Gunsmoke”.)

I eventually get the impression that it is hanging from an overhead traffic light and might be meant to be a street sign. I see its shadow cast upon a wall (which, due to indoor outdoor ambiguity, may be either an external or internal wall). I am also aware of a stop sign in the same general area, but only in octagonal silhouette.

While pondering on why the doll is hanging from a traffic light and who might have put it up there, I slowly wake.

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Appearance of an intersection in a dream is autosymbolism for the neural gating of which occurs during RAS mediation. The indoor outdoor ambiguity validates this as being in the higher region of liminal space (when factors of the real indoor environment including the subliminal perception of really being asleep indoors, not necessarily rendered with bedroom implications, are modulated into the illusory outdoor setting of the dream state).

A doll in a dream is typically autosymbolism for being physically inactive in unconsciousness. Therefore, I can reason that the hanging doll is an emergent consciousness precursor without preconscious personification in this case.

It is the weekend in reality. I have concluded that, since my mother will not be coming in to wake me up earlier for school, the doll represents the emergent conscious factor as remaining passive, which means I can sleep longer or wake (as the intersection symbolizes the choice of), as there is no dominant waking alert factor.

Assuming the doll is hanging by the neck, it would additionally be a possible biological warning relating to incidental sleep apnea (which did not occur in this case), though this condition is extremely rare for me. If by the waist, possibly a warning relating to intestinal stressors (which had not been validated in this case).

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This online dream journal entry was reformatted from the source material, abridged, and clarified on Thursday, 22 February 2018.

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Personal trivia: “The Hanging Doll” was retitled “The Omen” in early 1969. I later changed it back to “The Hanging Doll” in late 1972 to be more descriptive.

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