Blue_Opossum

Morning of September 13, 2017. Wednesday.



The main setting of my dream seems to be a larger variation of our bedroom in the house on Stadcor Street in Brisbane, where we have not lived in years. This seems to be the more dominant awareness of such due to that house’s kitchen being nearby in my dream’s layout and somewhat similar to real life, though there is also a vague association with the southwest Cubitis bedroom.

In addition to a young version of my wife Zsuzsanna, there are four female “angels” or devoted “dream servants” present, though their behavior is atypical as my dream is non-lucid and they seem like my “protectors” as well (this being a non-lucid subliminal carryover from the nature of apex lucidity and unrelated to my real life). One of them is the (retired) actress Leelee Sobieski, seeming about twenty-five. I eventually become annoyed with her as she seems to have a contrary mindset at one point. I bump into Leelee while I am intimate with Zsuzsanna (while Leelee is facing away from us). This physical contact annoys Leelee and her annoyance annoys me (and makes me suspicious yet not lucid), so I conclude her “devotion” is pretense despite her being a “guardian”. However, any perception of conflict soon fades.

In a scene in the kitchen, I have an electronic musical keyboard. I am thinking about recording some music for a new track. My mother is now present. (My dream self does not recall that she had died in 2002.) Pressing some of the keys, I see that one of them (seemingly a B key near the center of my keyboard) seems either loose or stuck due to the power cord somehow having been wrapped under the key. My mother tells me that she had done this (though unknowingly causing the problem), which makes me very annoyed as I am not sure if the key can be fixed as it seems broken or at least different in response to the other keys. I still want to play some music.

I soon notice a tiny hairless creature that I first think is dead. It is lying between the A and B keys near the middle of my keyboard. I feel a sense of disgust in thinking that it may be a small rat fetus. However, over time, it begins to move and then breathe and gasp. “Oh…It’s a dog fetus,” I say aloud to the others present in casual matter-of-fact observation.

Earl (an older half-brother on my mother’s side) is soon present. (My dream self does not recall that he had died in 2007.) The tiny hairless puppy, not much bigger than my thumb, is making unusual motions with its mouth (reminiscent of the “baby” in the movie “Eraserhead” from 1977). I wonder if it will even live, but I consider that Earl should put it with its mother to suckle. I have a wholly unexplainable false memory that Earl has a small dark gray cairn terrier that is likely its mother. The tiny “puppy” has an unusual brief feature on the top of its head that looks like an angular cap (though without the brim) of the kind a policeman or postman would wear, though it blends in with its head like an actual darker physical feature relating to its minimal fur. I know that my mind is creating this association somehow but it does not trigger lucidity.

In the last scene, I have a meal with the four “angels”, Zsuzsanna, my mother, and Earl. My keyboard seems unrealistically bigger and oversized, and we seem to be using it as a table. Along with other food, which seems mostly normal to me, I also seem to have eaten much of the puppy except for its head, though the imagery is quite magnified. I feel a bit strange, but then I realize it is not the original puppy, but a “copy” of it, and that the “real” one is with its mother. At this point, my dream becomes more abstract and fades without a direct waking prompt.

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Foundational dream state indicators (no present relevance to real life): Our previous bedroom in Brisbane synthesized with my parents’ bedroom of Cubitis is simply based on concurrent subliminal threads of awareness of having gone to bed and additionally perceiving Zsuzsanna and I as parents.

There are multiple reasons as to why Leelee Sobieski appeared in this dream, yet all of them unrelated to real-life symbolism and linked directly to the Reticular Activating System and real-time preconscious dynamics of the dream state. Reason number one stems from having briefly and randomly looked at details on IMDb of the 2007 movie “Walk All Over Me”. I only watched the first few minutes (and will watch it later with Zsuzsanna). She plays Alberta and appears as a cashier in the first few minutes, and the preconscious sometimes takes the form of a cashier to symbolize “checking out” of the dream state (as a lifelong recognized RAS function). Reason number two stems from her role in the 1998 movie “Deep Impact”, which has a theme analogous to the cessation of the dream state (“end of the world” association, symbolically unrelated to real life in this case). Reason number three comes from her role as Joan of Arc as associated with “divine voices and visions” and being in the dream state. Reason number four stems from her no longer being in movies as analogous to the waking precursor (“watching movies” as analogous to dreaming, though there may also be a play on “retired” as in going to bed).

The power cord wrapped under the key is a dream state indicator (unrelated to present waking life) that no pretend “dream interpreter” could possibly have a clue about. Here is why: When I lived in America, I sometimes used to script dreams in real time by using affirmations in a digital sampling keyboard and did in fact, cause a key to stay down with the power cord holding it. In fact, the irony of this plays off of itself. In one real-time scripted vivid dream when I was young, I was distracted in trying to find the real audio source in order to turn it off. I was in a hallway with various doors and could not tell where the real sound was coming from. This is possibly one of the most hilarious failures of critical thinking skills in an otherwise vivid lucid dream.

The last part of my dream is based on new ideas in my approach to newer music (as symbolized by the puppy needing to develop more). It is also an odd form of coalescence in “feeding off” my dream state (and the dream self coalescing back into consciousness). Also, as in uncountable past dreams, I was vaguely aware that I was consciously creating my dream (even though I was not lucid in any viable way), mostly only vaguely discernible in the scene where my focus on the “dead rat fetus” willed it to change into the living tiny hairless puppy. The focus on it coming to life and breathing relates to both waking up and very mild sleep apnea that is usually not a problem for me. Additionally, there are “end markers” here I do not typically go into detail about in an entry. For example, the B key represents the end of an octave and where there is no black key to the right of it, as a play on coming out of the unconscious state of dreaming, no more liminal space implied by the next white C key after the white B key.

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Morning of September 4, 2015. Friday.



My senses are not very clear in this sequence. Firstly, I am playing some sort of game with an unseen character (seemingly by proxy via some sort of radio broadcast but he may also be “present” though disembodied) though the plays and outcome are quite abstract and hard to describe and follow. The playing field is illogically on an otherwise featureless area of an electronic keyboard (where the voice settings and other features would otherwise be). There is something to do with placing very short lengths of “hair” (of only about one centimeter) into a pattern that seems to have no particular form. It seems difficult and annoying. We had apparently been playing awhile because the shape that is supposedly mine is like a large circular form, but it seems the other character is winning (though I am not sure why or even what the purpose or rules are). Eventually, as I do not seem to be the winner, I pick up my game result and it is somewhat like a furball though seemingly made of drawn lines that somehow are separated from the surface that they were originally drawn on.

Later, I am on my side in a bed that is outside near an isolated intersection in a wooded area during the afternoon. I get a vague impression that there may be large dinosaurs (such as a tyrannosaurus) in the area. There is no fear or perceived threat of any kind, though. It is almost as if I am aware I can create any creature I want and have it run around by the intersection and along the perimeter of the forest. I absentmindedly choose not to focus more clearly to do this, though. Instead I am playing around with an electronic drum kit that also is like a digital sampler to capture at least an octave range of a particular sample.

I press something (some sort of small rectangular button) and sample the ambiance of the area, which is barely audible. I try to play a melody on the pads, but the sample is not loud enough to hear. I try again and get some ambiance that is slightly louder, but mostly only wind through the trees, my breathing, and a distant (unknown) animal sound. From here, I am able to play a random melody with a rather odd sound (almost like a person saying “huh?”), though which eventually sounds more and more like an electric guitar. I remember that sound can be recorded from anywhere and turned into anything else.

Morning of July 23, 2015. Thursday.



I am sitting at my computer desk as in real life though the room is mirrored longways (so that the open area of the room is to my left rather than to my right where the end of the desk is now against the opposite wall; however, the rest of the house, though I cannot see it, “feels” the same, as my oldest daughter’s room still, in in-dream “memory”, is to my left on the other side of the east wall). The room is mostly dark as I do not have a light on, and I assume it is nighttime.

The more I type with my keyboard (though I cannot recall the nature of what I am writing, though I am fairly certain it involved in-dream affirmations), the brighter it gets, until it is just a “slab of white light” (originally though with a bluish glow). Even though I had not been looking at my fingers, I am somewhat annoyed as it eventually seems too smooth to tap keys correctly.

Not only that, the computer monitor (the old large squarish type I still use that is about the length of my forearm) becomes black and blank and I cannot see what I am typing on the screen either. It almost reminds me of a large cloaked head (though not quite ominous).

How do people cope with this nonsense? (This is what I am thinking for a time.)