IndigoRose

comment dream lucid

Falling asleep approx. 5
I vaguely remember having a FA in the first cycle.
Awakening, can’t sleep because I am not feeling well. Time approx. 7. Taking ibuprofen to be able to sleep.

Double FA
I was sleeping in a long room with a bed. Then I was examining the room because I didn’t like something about it.
I wake up in our bedroom. There is a wide blue ribbon hanging in our window, decorating the curtains. At first, I remember the long room - I am not there anymore - and I realize I woke up from a dream. Then I realize what the blue ribbon means. R wakes up too, also notices the ribbon and is confused. I tell him that it is a FA. Jokingly, because it is not real, I start to bite him like trying to eat him. But he screams like it’s real, so it isn’t funny. I want to “correct” the false awakening, focus as much as I can and wake up for real.

Time approx 9. I don’t like the stupidly wasted opportunity but I can tell that my baseline awareness tonight is high and I am confident there will be another lucid dream later.
Our cat starts doing noise, wanting to be let out of her room.
Then she gets quiet and every time I feel like falling asleep, she starts again.

The cat problem
R went to solve the cat problem (blocking the door so she can’t scratch them and/or letting her out).
R and I are again in the long room, there is another bed this time and two more people - a well known politician and his wife.
Then there is some police activity going on and someone related to IT, there is a capable young IT guy doing something.

I wake up from the dream because the cat makes noise again!!! How is that possible, when I remember R… ok, that was a dream. But I am confused for a while. Then I tell R, who also isn’t sleeping, to go and do it for real.
Time 10:55
I try to WILD but R next to me can’t sleep and I feel too distracted by him tossing and turning. Then I (almost) fall asleep but I wake up because I can hear his frustration - he says I was snoring. This happens once more. I don’t feel like sleeping but I know I can’t really tell…
I am getting seriously frustrated because heightened awareness means nothing when I can’t fall asleep deeply enough to be dreaming.

Seeing squares
I am with my mother, in a room that resembles the long room from previous dreams but there is no bed this time. There are two windows, I peek through the blinds to look outside. I don’t see much the weather is bad and the visibility low. I try the second window, there should be mountains visible but I don’t see anything and my vision is bad, like there are square gaps.
I sit behind a table with my mother and parts of my vision are still like pixellated, with some squares gray, which surely isn’t normal. I tell my mother that I think this could be a dream and she strokes my hand, looking pleased that I figured it out.
I am not 100% sure yet, more like 99% sure. I get up and run towards a distant door, focusing on how it feels and quickly getting 100% sure. As everything around me gets slightly blurry, I slow down.
As I reach the door, I decide to pass through it just because I know I can. It works like in the previous dream, the door open in the middle to let me pass through, like a double door. I do it once more with another door.
I am outside and there is a black basketball player, looking like Michael Jordan, practicing shooting. I take the ball from him to try it too. We are very far from the basket but this is a dream, so certainly I can throw further than I would in reality. I try it but the ball doesn’t go far enough and it veers off to the right. I don’t feel like I want to try again.
I stop for a moment. What am I doing? Don’t I have some goals?
I finally remember I wanted to try creating a teleport portal and going to Prague. I go back inside, to the area between the two doors, to be alone and without distractions. I create a portal with my hands, as I planned it and imagined it. No visuals of the portal but that doesn’t mean anything. I spin around to give it something more. Then I try to go through the portal, thinking “Prague”. It doesn’t work. Again, I don’t feel like trying again.
I go back to the main room, which now isn’t a small room but a big hall. There is a stall with some cakes. I just take some with my hand, ignoring the seller. I make a mess out of her cake display but whatever. As I go towards the main entrance to the hall, I try to eat the cake but it doesn’t have much taste and there is too much buttercream.
I wake up.

Time 12:34
I slept more after this but I don’t remember any additional dreams.

Sunday is my WILD night. 10:35 five minutes WBTB, then WILD attempt but I wasn’t in the right mindset, I had problems with both concentrating and falling asleep. After some time, I went to sleep normally (setting the intent for watching for the dream and my favourite “if I see something = dream”) but had problems falling asleep.

Non-lucid
I am running from someone, I think it’s my brother, but I don’t remember why. I try to be smart - choose a different direction than he expects and changing direction often. I am running through some town, keeping my pace.
Then I get to some kind of club, I am in a room and there are people. They are hanging six persons, they all already have the rope around their neck and they are told the sentence. I think they are traitors. But in the last second, the execution is stopped and they let them go, it is like a learning experience for them.
I really like the club. They meet every week and I think I want to visit again next week to become a member.
They leave and I am alone in the room. There is a huge duvet, filling a large part of the room. My brother appears and I try to hide in the corner, behind the duvet. He can see only the top of my head but he notices. I try to tell him something and I tell him about that club.
Then there is a woman on a mattress. I don’t know why but I think she’s evil.

Getting lucid
I suddenly notice that I am doing something, seeing something and not trying to fall asleep anymore. Obviously, I am already sleeping and dreaming. And I can see that this isn’t some shaky half-dream, this is perfectly stable. Time to have fun.
I want to leave the club room but the evil woman is still there, holding my hand and preventing me from leaving. With my other hand, I reach behind me, like trying to reach for something that could be used as a weapon. I can’t see anything in my hand but I try anyway and stab her. It works, she looks hit and in pain, holding her stomach. To be sure, I stab her again (and it works again, although slightly less this time) and I leave the room, entering a corridor.
I go down the corridor, I walk very quickly, much more quickly than humanly possible. I don’t worry about the stability of the dream at all but when things get slightly blurry from my speed, I slow down and touch the wall. I notice that I wear gloves and can’t feel much but it doesn’t matter.

Doing magic
The corridor gets wider and I want to do my goal - magic. I want to do two spells, inspired by the books I am reading at the moment.
For the first spell, I use the word “Lux” and a simple gesture with my hand, it should result in a werelight hovering above my palm. I try it for the first time but I still have the gloves, so I take them off. I try for the second time, nothing, for the third and fourth time, nothing. I remember that the hero in my book had to practice this for a long time, I probably just need more practice too.
For the second spell, I try “Impello” which is basically telekinesis. I use it on a small ball and it levitates approx. one meter above the ground. I realize I have to use my willpower to keep it floating and to guide it, it isn’t just the word and the gesture.

More magic and Jedi mind control
I have a memory gap here. I took everything too quickly, locations shifted quickly and I don’t remember all details.
I remember trying the impello spell again. This time, I shouted the word and focused on the gesture with my hand. I moved a ball (or something else, bigger?) up, then to a side, and then I lost control or overdid it a bit and it flew with a great speed maybe twenty or thirty metres from me, falling on the heads of some DCs. I found it funny. I guess I need more practice with this too.
I also remember trying some Jedi mind control and the moving the hand thing on some DC but I don’t remember why. He said “these tricks” but did what I wanted.

Flying
I am on the stairs of my school and I think I could fly, maybe jumping from the top landing. But I am not sure.
Then I am in a large hall, it is a mall or a marketplace with a roof. I want to jump from somewhere but all higher spots and the upper floor with a gallery are not accessible. So I try the superman style, with my hand up.
It works and I can touch the ceiling but then I look down and it’s like in those cartoons, I am looking down for a second or two and then I start falling. I fall on my legs and partially on my hands too, cushioning the fall, the impact is a little bit hard but ok.
I try again but this time it’s different, it’s like I am teleported to the ceiling and I levitate there like no gravity exists and I can examine a chipboard tile in the ceiling. I can remove it but decide to stop damaging the building and get back down on the floor - I am there instantly.
I am not sure how much time I have left but I suppress the thought. Surely, I have plenty of time. No reason to think otherwise.

Passing through a wall… or a gate
The next goal on my list is passing through a wall. I don’t like the walls around but there are big doors, more like a gate and it is closed. Good enough.
I try to pass through the gate and I can feel its solidity. I tell myself “there is no wall… or gate” and continue the movement. I don’t pass through but the gate opens like it was never closed and I am on the other side.

Eating
There is another hall, this time with many small shops and stalls. I am running out of ideas on what to do… I know, I want to eat some food.
I go around the stalls but it’s all just clothing. Then there is a table with packages of tights or some underwear and among them jars of pickled gherkins. I casually open one of the jars (a woman DC with a kid, standing nearby, throws an offended look at me but I don’t care) and take the longest gherkin.
I continue to walk and bite a piece of the gherkin. It tastes as it should but it’s also weird, like eating a gherkin first thing in the morning, just after brushing your teeth. Very sour and somewhat off, I don’t like it. I want to find something better.
There is a small shop with vegetables. I walk in, seeing some carrots (small, raw, and dirty) and potatoes. It is very small there, there’s a fat middle aged woman shopkeeper, a counter and space for maybe two people. I can see they have some salads behind the counter and I decide to get some.
I remember the discussion I recently read online about “can I get” vs “may I have” and choose the proper version “May I have a small salad” (in English, which isn’t my native language but I use it in dreams often because I live in an English-speaking country).
The shopkeeper nods and asks me something which I have problems understanding. She wants to know if I want something else. I say “No, just the salad.” She asks if I want ketchup with it. I say “maybe some dressing” but this time, she doesn’t understand me, so I say “just the salad”.
While she is putting grated carrot and something else into a small plastic cup, I notice there are some cakes too. I would prefer them over the salad but too late. A big fat man appears behind me and I don’t like it because he blocks my exit and my plan to take the salad and leave without paying could fail.
The shopkeeper puts the cup on the counter and asks for money. I know I don’t have any but try to find some in my pocket anyway. Nothing. I want to leave but the shopkeeper and the fat man are angry.
The vegetable in the cup changes into water with red sugar and starts to boil. I know I am doing this but it wasn’t my intention to do it. It’s like my magic has got out of control because I am in an uncomfortable situation. I squeeze around the fat man and I tell them that they should be grateful to me for showing them such an interesting magic trick. They are confused.
I walk out and wake up.
My heart is racing.

comment non-lucid lucid

The last dream of the night.

I am in beautiful mountains with some other people (at least initially). We are on a freshly mown meadow, it’s sloping and we are going uphill, there is a forest. It is morning and it is still slightly dark and it is also very cold, I can feel the cold. We consider making a fire but we want to find a more sheltered place, closer to the forest.
I go uphill, I think I am on my own now and there is a road and a crossroad, on the edge of the forest. I can see light through the gap in the forest created by one of the roads. There is a city. But it gets very foggy (as in real foggy weather) and I can’t see much, the trees around disappear in the fog. Then I see a car and I am worried how they can safely drive in this fog. The fog clears a bit and I can see a modern city with skyscrapers and there are houses where the forest was before.
That annoys me a lot. I was in a beautiful forest, I want my forest back.
I am not having this. I feel like fuck this, let’s go lucid and I say “nope, this is a dream”.
I hear whoosh and it’s like going under water. Everything gets dark and shaking. I want to stabilize but how? I can’t see anything. Suddenly I find myself squatting or sitting instead of standing and I can feel something solid in my hands, which is good, but I am confused. Is this my real body in this position? If it is, I mustn’t move. But I move my legs anyway and I can see them and they are trembling.
It starts feeling almost like vibrations and I start to feel my real body, noticing it is relaxed and in a normal position. I try to calm myself and DEILD but I am not successful, I am too awake.

comment non-lucid lucid

12th April was the international lucid dreaming day. There was an idea to celebrate this by lucid dreaming about being at a party with other DV members. I normally don’t do tasks and challenges (too early for me) but I decided to try this time.
1st attempt - night from 11th to 12th April - VILD - failed. This is the day after (2nd attempt).

Awakening 11:02, I decide to simply set the intention for “I see something = dream”

3 irrelevant non-lucid dreams (shortened)
Investing lecture - I am attending a lecture or a conference talk about investing.
School and singing - I am in school and a classmate is singing beautifully.
Hanging G - A friend (G) hangs himself but is still alive. I am not sure if I should help him or not.

On the way to the party
I am standing on a footpath or a local lane. I realize I see something and that means I am dreaming. I remember my plan to find a door, go to Prague and go to a pub there to attend the DV party (I decided to put it in Prague - I haven’t been there for a long time and it would be a good place for a party).
But there are no significant buildings around! There is one old cottage without doors and a rusty metal shed or a garage. I am thinking what to do if the door is locked and I decide it shouldn’t matter for teleporting. As I approach the shed, I see the door is very rusty and very small and I decide not to use it and find something better.
I follow the path, it gets grassy but there are no houses now. I can see a forest in the distance.
I walk very quickly, the scenery around me changes unrealistically quickly but I feel like walking normally. No houses and no DCs. It gets slightly blurry and I check my pockets and find some paper tissues there but I realize it is my black jacket and I am actually wearing it IRL, which means it isn’t a part of the dream and I can’t use it to stabilize. I touch the ground instead, I can feel the gravel of the path and it helps immediately. The dream is very vivid now.
I continue and there is a tree. I remember reading about someone who created a wolf in a LD, thinking “there is a wolf behind the tree”. I try to think it but as I come closer, I realize that the tree is too small to hide a wolf. There is a small boy and a weasel and the weasel is defensively aggressive, hissing at the boy.
The path becomes a gravel road and I suddenly notice I walk barefoot and can feel every step. It is almost painful.
Then it is a footpath again, grassy and comfortable to walk on. Bog grass (common rush) grows next to the path and I touch it with my hands, it feels very realistic and I take a stem with the brown flower with me, to use it for stabilizing later, if needed.
Then the path follows an edge of a hill with steeps cliffs. I can see glimpses of a city down in the valley. I go closer to the edge and the view opens in front of me. The city is very beautiful with some small houses, medium houses and tall skyscrapers reflecting light. It feels a little bit like Prague but it isn’t Prague, it’s too modern for that.
There is a concrete slab right at the edge above the cliffs, it’s almost like a springboard or a platform for jumping down. The view is even better from there.
I decide to stop trying to find doors and fly instead. There are some trees but the slab looks perfect for jumping from it and flying towards the city.
I want to run get speed for the jump, so I walk a couple of meters from the edge and I make sure it is a dream. I start to run but I remember that I still have the jacket (unzipped) and that would be bad for flying, so I stop and zip it up. I put something in my pocket, in case I need to stabilize the dream while flying.
Suddenly, there is R, telling me something. I don’t listen and try to run again but I am too far from the edge and don’t see the platform well, so I go closer. R looks very confused, so I tell him that this is a dream and I am going to jump. He seems to understand.
I take a deep breath to run.

And I suddenly wake up without warning, no fading, no blurriness, no feeling of resurfacing. I think I snored IRL or tried to clear my nose and it jolted me awake. DEILD failed.
Time 12:04

“This is a dream”
I am on a street with R and some friend. I realize that I see something and that it is a dream. There are many houses and many doors around! And I am lucid for the second time this night, yay! I feel very confident, time to go to Prague.
I tell my companions to go ahead, I will catch up with them later. They stay, look at me and don’t understand. I say to myself fuck this shit and confidently tell them “this is a dream” (as you don’t exist, stop bothering me) hoping to get rid of them.
The dream suddenly fades to black. I touch the ground and can feel some stones but everything is still black and fading. I am confused because this always works. It feels like the dream is laughing at me.
I wake up but I don’t open my eyes. I lost my lucidity here but I think it was a false awakening, not a real one. I don’t know how long it was to the next dream, I think there was a period of NREM sleep.

Mouse FA (not sure if this dream was before the LD or after, probably after)
I am in a bed in some flat, there is a narrow kitchen and balcony. There is some kind of mouse that gets under my blanket and cuddles with me as my cat does. It’s my pet and I am surprised it was free to round around the flat when I was sleeping, it could have hurt itself in the kitchen or fallen from the balcony.

Cathedral FA
I wake up in a bed in some hotel room. I remember the LD and trying to DEILD. I think I even tried to DEILD in this dream to get back to the LD.
There are friends and one of them, T, tells me that they are going to have coffee if I want to go with them. I talk with R and I need to brush my teeth, so I tell T that I need 5 minutes and he says that 5 minutes is ok.
We have the coffee one floor down from our room. It is much nicer room.
We go back to our room and it looks different now, the bed is bigger. I think I like it more than the room under us. T says it is the high ceiling, making it more airy.
Then I enter a corridor, leading from our room. I see some stained glass windows and as I continue, I can see I am in a beautiful cathedral. There are stairs leading down to the floor of the cathedral (I am standing at the top of the stairs), the stained glass windows are a mix of very modern and traditional images and it’s huge with huge cupola above my head. There is a small chapel in the middle with a column raising from its roof, supporting the roof/dome. The column is thick, possibly having stairs inside.
I realize our hotel is a part of some historic building. Someone calls me from our room, telling me that I am in the paid section. I say that I am just looking. We have to find time, buy tickets and visit the cathedral later.
Someone says that the map is lost and if I know something about it. I say that I don’t because in my lucid dreams, all things are created by the dream, so I wouldn’t need to take the map with me to my recent LD.
Then I go back to our room, having some trouble to climb the stairs, someone offers me a hand.

I woke up soon after this dream.

1st time being lucid 2 times per night!

comment non-lucid semi/questioning lucid

Waking up at 10:00 (falling asleep around 5). Journaling 3 dream fragments.
Some problems with sleeping. 10:50 postman.

Hill and a subway
I am hiking to some hill and I take the subway on my way back. I am worried that I fail to get off at the correct station.

FA1
I am in some room, in a guest house, after coming back from the hike. It's the morning and I am putting on a long canvas dress, even though it looks weird and it is cold.

FA2
I am again in some kind of accommodation (possibly the same as in the previous dream) but the room is different. I really want to sleep but I am worried that it's too late and I don't know when the checkout time is. Then there is R and he is not worried at all. He offers me some breakfast cereals. I remember I've already eaten them and threw away the box (IRL). I am thinking that he probably hid/put aside some of them. I want him to find out when the checkout is.

FA3
I am again in the same room but this time, I am sleeping on a mattress on the ground, close to the bed from the previous dream. R is next to me, taking too much space and waking me up and I am mad because I want to sleep. Then I remember that we actually sleep somewhere else, so I should get enough sleep, even though I am not sleeping here.
Then the dream shifts to some time later and we are getting up. R is sitting on the mattress. I say "this is a FA" and do a nose-plug RC. I can breathe. But I am still confused and I can't see well. I ignore R (he doesn't exist anyway) and have the idea to find my glasses, maybe they help me with my vision. I go to the bed from FA2, trying to find them. I find it fascinating that I can be dreaming and moving at once. It's like I think I am sort of sleepwalking and the bed from FA2 is my real bed and my body is my real body. I find the glasses but I don't use them - I am thinking that this all is creating in my head so it would be pointless to try to wear the glasses.
I go to the window, thinking about jumping out and flying. But what if this is reality?
I go to the door and suddenly, my vision is much better and not blurry at all. I think I woke up (in my sleepwalking body). I do the nose-plug RC again and I can breathe, so I relax. I notice R is watching me and feel bad for ignoring him. I tell him that this is a FA and because he saw me doing the nose-plug RC, I try to show him finger-in-palm RC but it doesn't go through. I try it again, really believing it can go through, but nothing. I think I am really bad at this.
I finally remember my goal to pass through a wall. But there is no point in trying to go through a wall if I can't make my finger go through my palm.
I wake up. DEILD attempt failed.

Time: 12:40
I can't sleep. Some unstable minidreams.

MiniWILD
I can't sleep and I am feeling earthquake-like vibrations. It's annoying because I want to sleep but I am familiar with them and prepare for a separation attempt.
I stay at our garden door. I slowly sit down, remembering that I need to take things slowly and slowly try to separate. Then I realize I am not in my bed anymore, which means I am already separated.
The dream collapses.
Then there is another wave of vibrations. But nothing afterwards.
I can't sleep...

I wake up at 13:25, I want to get up. I take another cushion, put my glasses on, trying to find the will for journaling my dreams. But I feel too tired. I put the glasses away and close my eyes... ten more minutes... or maybe a WILD? Falling asleep feels easy.

PseudoWILD
I watch HI and daydream a little bit, interacting with the HI and dreamlets.
At one moment, I notice there is instrumental music in the background. I realize it is in my head and not outside, so I could use it to get into the dream. I focus on the music, trying to raise the volume.
Through small gaps in my eyes, I start to see a room. It works. But it fades a little bit and I feel my body in the bed (dream body, dream bed). I focus again and I can almost see through my eyes but also not really. I have the idea that my dream eyes are closed and I try to open them. It works. I close my eyes and open them again and my vision is very good.
I get up, slowly, worried about the stability of the dream, but it's fine and I walk a bit. I am in an unknown room, my dream bed is there and another bed/sofa. And R is here, I bump into him on my way to the door. He blocks my way out, I almost pass through him but not fully. I tell him "you are just a DC, you don't exist" (really meaning "you shouldn't be blocking my way"). He says nothing.
I take his hand, leading him to the sofa, sitting next to him. He now looks like my brother, J. I say "and that's why you look like J". I feel sorry for him but skip to the only idea I have how to use this dream. "Do you want to have sex?" I ask. He is silent. "Do you want to do something else?" He shakes his head and gives me and an empty look.

I wake up. The time is 1:51. Interestingly, I feel well and not tired anymore.

Notes:
- I struggle with fake insomnia. It can manifest as dreams about not being able to sleep (as above) or I can be in a conscious NREM sleep while thinking I am awake. Basically, my ability to tell the difference between conscious NREM and being awake is almost non-existent.
- I can't tell if the pseudoWILD was WILD or not. I obviously dreamed most of the "transition". What I perceived as my bed and my body was a dream bed and a dream body (most probably). I can't tell if the music was a HH (then it would count as a confused WILD, I guess) or if it was a part of the dream (so technically not a WILD). But if I lost my self-awareness, I was out for a minute or two, probably not much more. The whole thing took between 20 and 25 minutes.

comment lucid non-lucid

VILD during a late WBTW. Visualizing something about an old woman who would teach me visualization. I think she is my dream guide because it was my subconscious filling in her look. I want to meet her in a dream one day.
I am losing it, my minds wander through short daydreams, dreamy thoughts and minidreams.

Rose Garden
In my childhood garden, I am thinking about where to plant roses.

A shitty dream sign
I am in my grandmother's house, with my husband, in her bed. I notice he has something brown on his green fleece jacket and it is poop, stuck to his jacket in several places on his back!
I call my mum but I can't scream, so I tell him to call her. She comes and takes the jacket and tries to clean it.
I talk with her about how she got a water tap to this room (it isn't there IRL). She tells me to think. I realize there always was a water pipe on the other side of the wall. But I don't understand why the water pipe leads through a wardrobe.
I think about how my husband was able to get the poop all over his jacket. How was he able to do it? And how was he positioned in the litter tray?
I realize it is my cat usually having these problems, not my husband!
I am waking up from the dream but I feel relaxed. There will be another dream soon.

Exploring a mysterious research facility
I am lying on a floor, it's made of beige tiles, cold and sloping down from me. I realize this is my dream body lying there, feeling this, and I am lucid! I am worried about the dream not being stable yet but I try to slide down the slope, head first. But I have some clothing under me, preventing this. I return to my original position, worrying about moving my real body if I do something too radical.
Then I decide this is stable enough and movement helps to stabilize anyway, so I adjust my clothing, sit, and slide down the slope, gaining speed on my way down.
Under the slope, I stand in a corridor. There are two doors, partially open. I choose the way directly forward but can't stop thinking about the other door. What was there?
Behind the door, there is another corridor and some cabinets with drawers. It feels like some (old/socialist/east European) research facility or a similar institution (imagine tiled floor, wood veneer on furniture, and that ugly yellow waterproof paint on the walls). I open some of the drawers, they are very detailed but empty.
There are more doors and I have to choose again. I feel a presence behind one of those doors and get worried about someone finding me here. I quickly progress away from this presence and suppress the thought.
Another door and I can hear some people and smell food. Great, I think, an opportunity to taste some food in a LD.
It looks like a cafe. They have some deep-fried stuff and some big fried balls, maybe eggs. I ask if I can get something and they tell me to wait in line.
I start remembering that I was just sleeping and only have my sleeping clothes and no money with me. That sounds like a problem. I have an idea to check my pockets but no money they - only an old, used, paper tissue. I try again and try to really believe that I have money but again, nothing there.
It's my turn and I say that I want something to eat but have no money. They obviously think I am crazy. I ask them if they can give me something again but people around laugh, thinking I am some poor student.
I leave the room, feeling embarrassed. Isn't it stupid, that I have to pay in my own dream?
I try spinning around to leave the scene and change the scenery but I only crash into an automatic door and hurt my arms. Which is even more embarrassing.
Then there is a huge hall, like a railway station or something like that. There are people - many of them - hurrying somewhere, everyone going somewhere and there's too many of them and I am still disoriented after crashing into that door and I don't know what to do.
Suddenly, there is my ex, S. He says: "You are someone I used to have sex with a lot" and I say "You are someone I used to have sex with a lot" too and we hug and start to make out.
I tell him "this is my dream" and he says "no, this is my dream". I say "I don't believe in shared dreaming" and I think that means that one of us has to be lying. And it has to be him because I know I am dreaming. Or is it possible to be in someone else's dream? What if this is really his dream and this is the reason why I lack control?
I notice that his face has changed. His hairs are now short and his face is different. And he feels like someone else. Is this some shared dreaming trick? I ask him why is he looking different.
I wake up.

comment non-lucid lucid something else

11 am - accepting a package from a courier, using the bathroom
after 11 - MILD mantra, MILD visualization, continuing with VILD but my brain doesn't cooperate and I can't get it going. 2 fast cycles of SSILD but I can't focus anymore.
My brain continues to VILD on its own and doesn't want to go to sleep - there some part-visualization/part-dreams.

Formula1 racer
I am talking to someone who is a Formula1 racer.
I can't tell if this was a visualization/daydream or a dream. I think I was still active in it but the subconscious was doing a large part.

Very friendly girl
Suddenly a scene appeared. I was sitting behind a table and a girl with brown hair came and sat against me. I was holding a book and she asked if I didn't mind that the authors aren't lucid enough. I answered that I could understand for some of them but not the creative ones (or something like that, it didn't make much sense/was based on false knowledge). Then she got closer to me and started kissing me. I was screaming "this is a dream, this is a dream" in my head but nothing happened and it ended as suddenly as it started.
It felt more like a dreamlet than a dream. That dream feeling just wasn't there. But it was too sophisticated and too long to be a dreamlet. I don't know. Certainly not a fully formed normal dream.

I can't fall asleep.
Checking the time, it's 12 am.
Desperate, I ask my subconscious to just let me sleep.
I think there was some NREM sleep after this. Nothing conscious.

We miss you, Grandma
There is a scene forming around me. I see it forming and my first thought is "I am not visualizing this" and the second "this has to be a dream".
I sit on a bed in a room with the bed, a table and kitchen cabinets. It is supposed to be my first adulthood flat but it looks more like my childhood home. Everything is extremely blurry and quite dark but I can feel it is stable. I touch the bed and feel the texture and the vision gets slightly better, there are two very blurry circular spots in my vision.
There is my dead great-grandmother next to me so I think at least use this low-quality dream to hug her. I hug her and tell her "I love you very much and we miss you, grandma". She strokes my hair and says "My IndigoRose". I ask her if she liked how my grandmother (her daughter) refurbished the flat. She said she liked it but was worried about her. And we talk about my grandmother getting old.
Then I go to the kitchen sink (which is also a toilet?) and help with washing some vegetables there.
It gets blurry again and I touch a chair and feel the grain of the wood. It helps but my vision is weird - with vertical strips of blurriness and with gaps. Slowly, it gets better but I am confused, forgetting where I am. I say "this is still a dream", actually realizing that and clearing my confusion. There is my brother on the bed and because he has heard me, I repeat "this is a dream" but he stares at me blankly and says nothing. I show him a finger in the palm RC but it doesn't work, my finger doesn't go through. I laugh but I still know it is a dream. I do nose plug RC and I can breathe easily. I tell him: "You see, I can breathe" but he is not impressed.
There is a woman sitting on a chair next to the door, she is supposed to be a family member but I don't know which one. She has a big black spot on her face and I wonder if dreams do that.
I don't know what to do, I am thinking about jumping from the window and flying and I expect to fall and wake up and decide that this dream isn't good for trying it. I am also thinking "what if this is real?".
Then I hear my nose wheezing IRL and I expect to lose the dream but it is still stable. I try to clear my nose which I can do and the dream is still holding. But my real nose is still wheezing. I am annoyed by this dream and decide to wake up.
Which I wanted to do anyway in one of my dreams to prove my lucidity to myself. So at least this is one goal done.

comment non-lucid lucid

After waking up, falling asleep doing SSILD cycles.

I am still doing SSILD. I can see a little bit through my eyelids, just a little bit of light, blue sky with clouds and some grass. I am in my childhood town, close to my childhood home. I am afraid I am waking up too much, ruining the SSILD! I have the idea to use movement to transition to the dream. I imagine walking and then running to a nearby forest. As I gain speed, the forest around me materializes.
I stop and shout "I did it!" and the whole scene gets wobbly and slightly blurry. I quickly touch the ground, there are stones, dirt and leaves. I am surprised how realistic it is, thinking that people were right about this.
I remember my husband - I have to tell him when I am back IRL.
I am thinking about what to do and think of flying but I remember I wanted to try to do RCs in a dream, to see how they feel in a dream.
For some reason, I completely forget the RCs and continue through the forest until I am on the other side of it. There are some kids. I try to fly but it doesn't work so I change it into a sort of jump but it still looks embarrassing.
Then I am on a crossroad and the path I wanted to take is closed, probably because of covid and I suddenly have a bike. There are some locals and they look friendly. I 'remember' there should be a path under a house, leading where I want to go. I go there and there are more kids but these are not friendly and they tell their boss about me. I ignore them and continue but then the boss appears and I tell him that I wanted my bike (which was left behind).
I remember my lucid dreaming skills and try to impress the gang kids, I try to levitate a twig above my hand. On the first try, it doesn't work, on my second try, it levitates 5cm above my hand and it looks like I cheated, throwing it up a bit. The kids are not impressed.
I talk to the boss, asking him what he wants for the bike and for letting me go. I mention gingerbread from a secret source of it, deep in the forest (in my native language, gingerbread is slang for meth but we are talking about the baked type ). It's a secret location only I know and I supplied gingerbread to him from there before. It is a really good gingerbread, he can bake his own, but this one is much better.
He is unsure about it. Gingerbread on its own isn't enough, he wants me to show him the location. I agree to go there with him at night, so nobody else sees us. At the same time, I am scared because I realize that what I said was based on a false dream memory and I actually don't know where the secret location is.
Then he tells me something about lemon gingerbread from his grandmother that was almost as good as the gingerbread from Lidl.

I had my doubts about this dream. The lucidity was very low, at its minimum in the middle of the dream, maybe even not there for some moments. I was also worried that it could be simulated lucidity but I analyzed my thoughts in the dream (like remembering my husband or realizing about the false memory) and I believe this was true LD.