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    IndigoRose

    7 April - A night of low lucidity and insomnia

    by , 04-30-2021 at 02:01 AM (113 Views)
    1st time being lucid 2 times per night!

    comment non-lucid semi/questioning lucid

    Waking up at 10:00 (falling asleep around 5). Journaling 3 dream fragments.
    Some problems with sleeping. 10:50 postman.

    Hill and a subway
    I am hiking to some hill and I take the subway on my way back. I am worried that I fail to get off at the correct station.

    FA1
    I am in some room, in a guest house, after coming back from the hike. It's the morning and I am putting on a long canvas dress, even though it looks weird and it is cold.

    FA2
    I am again in some kind of accommodation (possibly the same as in the previous dream) but the room is different. I really want to sleep but I am worried that it's too late and I don't know when the checkout time is. Then there is R and he is not worried at all. He offers me some breakfast cereals. I remember I've already eaten them and threw away the box (IRL). I am thinking that he probably hid/put aside some of them. I want him to find out when the checkout is.

    FA3
    I am again in the same room but this time, I am sleeping on a mattress on the ground, close to the bed from the previous dream. R is next to me, taking too much space and waking me up and I am mad because I want to sleep. Then I remember that we actually sleep somewhere else, so I should get enough sleep, even though I am not sleeping here.
    Then the dream shifts to some time later and we are getting up. R is sitting on the mattress. I say "this is a FA" and do a nose-plug RC. I can breathe. But I am still confused and I can't see well. I ignore R (he doesn't exist anyway) and have the idea to find my glasses, maybe they help me with my vision. I go to the bed from FA2, trying to find them. I find it fascinating that I can be dreaming and moving at once. It's like I think I am sort of sleepwalking and the bed from FA2 is my real bed and my body is my real body. I find the glasses but I don't use them - I am thinking that this all is creating in my head so it would be pointless to try to wear the glasses.
    I go to the window, thinking about jumping out and flying. But what if this is reality?
    I go to the door and suddenly, my vision is much better and not blurry at all. I think I woke up (in my sleepwalking body). I do the nose-plug RC again and I can breathe, so I relax. I notice R is watching me and feel bad for ignoring him. I tell him that this is a FA and because he saw me doing the nose-plug RC, I try to show him finger-in-palm RC but it doesn't go through. I try it again, really believing it can go through, but nothing. I think I am really bad at this.
    I finally remember my goal to pass through a wall. But there is no point in trying to go through a wall if I can't make my finger go through my palm.

    I wake up. DEILD attempt failed.

    Time: 12:40
    I can't sleep. Some unstable minidreams.

    MiniWILD
    I can't sleep and I am feeling earthquake-like vibrations. It's annoying because I want to sleep but I am familiar with them and prepare for a separation attempt.
    I stay at our garden door. I slowly sit down, remembering that I need to take things slowly and slowly try to separate. Then I realize I am not in my bed anymore, which means I am already separated.
    The dream collapses.
    Then there is another wave of vibrations. But nothing afterwards.
    I can't sleep...

    I wake up at 13:25, I want to get up. I take another cushion, put my glasses on, trying to find the will for journaling my dreams. But I feel too tired. I put the glasses away and close my eyes... ten more minutes... or maybe a WILD? Falling asleep feels easy.

    PseudoWILD
    I watch HI and daydream a little bit, interacting with the HI and dreamlets.
    At one moment, I notice there is instrumental music in the background. I realize it is in my head and not outside, so I could use it to get into the dream. I focus on the music, trying to raise the volume.
    Through small gaps in my eyes, I start to see a room. It works. But it fades a little bit and I feel my body in the bed (dream body, dream bed). I focus again and I can almost see through my eyes but also not really. I have the idea that my dream eyes are closed and I try to open them. It works. I close my eyes and open them again and my vision is very good.
    I get up, slowly, worried about the stability of the dream, but it's fine and I walk a bit. I am in an unknown room, my dream bed is there and another bed/sofa. And R is here, I bump into him on my way to the door. He blocks my way out, I almost pass through him but not fully. I tell him "you are just a DC, you don't exist" (really meaning "you shouldn't be blocking my way"). He says nothing.
    I take his hand, leading him to the sofa, sitting next to him. He now looks like my brother, J. I say "and that's why you look like J". I feel sorry for him but skip to the only idea I have how to use this dream. "Do you want to have sex?" I ask. He is silent. "Do you want to do something else?" He shakes his head and gives me and an empty look.


    I wake up. The time is 1:51. Interestingly, I feel well and not tired anymore.

    Notes:
    - I struggle with fake insomnia. It can manifest as dreams about not being able to sleep (as above) or I can be in a conscious NREM sleep while thinking I am awake. Basically, my ability to tell the difference between conscious NREM and being awake is almost non-existent.
    - I can't tell if the pseudoWILD was WILD or not. I obviously dreamed most of the "transition". What I perceived as my bed and my body was a dream bed and a dream body (most probably). I can't tell if the music was a HH (then it would count as a confused WILD, I guess) or if it was a part of the dream (so technically not a WILD). But if I lost my self-awareness, I was out for a minute or two, probably not much more. The whole thing took between 20 and 25 minutes.

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    Comments

    1. DarkestDarkness's Avatar
      I suppose even when lucid we make odd conclusions so I don't know if that was a factor in the choice, personally I would have tried going through the wall anyway regardless of the fingers through palm thing working or not. Sure, it might not work too, but it also might work.

      Obviously everyone is different, but my personal experience is that while expectation plays a role in outcome, for me it is quite often not the final factor in whether or not something will happen in a dream.

      I think I'm just challenging you to try going against the feeling that the expectation is set and has somehow pre-defined the outcome, if another such opportunity arises.
      Highlander and IndigoRose like this.
      Updated 05-04-2021 at 10:54 PM by DarkestDarkness (clarity)
    2. Highlander's Avatar
      I can relate to the sleepwalking and questioning reality parts especially. Those thoughts have gone through my head after being lucid on several occasions.

      I do have a question about the sleep schedule shown here though.

      I'm presuming after looking at the times quoted here that this isn't a regular thing, but more at an attempt at lucidity and/or a by product of insomnia?

      I tend to sleep roughly at a regular time, perhaps up to about 9 hours or so. However (apart from WBTB) I have noticed that the morning light wakes me up and interrupts my sleep somewhat.

      A cool, analytical and detailed journal entry though.
    3. IndigoRose's Avatar
      @DarkestDarkness

      Thank you and I agree. After these two dreams, I was slightly frustrated about doing nothing in my LDs and staying too confined by the location (FA room). I made a goal to be much more active in future dreams but there haven't been many opportunities since.

      @Highlander

      It's a regular thing. I am an extreme night owl. I think I actually fit into the diagnosis of delayed sleep phase disorder, although it's more my husband pushing it. My perfect time would be falling asleep between 2 and 3 and getting up between 11 and 12. Falling asleep at 5 and getting up at 13-14 is a bit too much for me and could be a reason why I have problems sleeping after 12.
      I don't care about daylight or I am used to it, I don't know.
      I've always been a light sleeper, even when I had to get up early. I sleep quite deeply first 4-5 hours and then I switch into a light sleep. Sometimes I sleep well, sometimes it's more fragmented. I wake up easily and if I do too much or start thinking too much, it can take some time to fall asleep again.
      And I am self-employed, working from home, so I can get away with a schedule like this

      Thanks to both of you again, I am happy to see that someone reads it I will add two more entries soon, I hope.
      I am going through a dry spell at the moment, life is getting in, my sleep isn't the best, dream recall is fluctuating... I hope it will pass soon.
      DarkestDarkness likes this.
    4. DarkestDarkness's Avatar
      IndigoRose, I understand that it can be annoying but try and not think too much of the dry spells you get, because they will happen for one reason or another over time, to be sure. Usually life getting in the way, sounds about right as that can certainly mess with recall and DJing patterns for me...
      IndigoRose likes this.
    5. IndigoRose's Avatar
      I broke the dry spell today! Maybe complaining on the internet helped
      Anyway, it was long and I did a ton of things - two different spells, Jedi mind control, an attempt at flying, passing through a wall, eating food.
      DarkestDarkness likes this.