CasperKid

My dream recall really improved tonight, I had a lot of dreams, but I really remember a lot of fragments rather than these long and drawn out scenarios. I know that looking back it's actually very hard for me to distinguish some of my dreams from reality because they are mostly mundane and I have the PassObs state so pervasive in my dreams.

Dream 1-- HellBoy Reloaded

This movie has nothing to do with Hellboy, except that it has the main actress from the movie. I am PassObs in this dream, watching the movie as it unfolds before me. It feels like I'm caught in the trailer because she is narrating the whole time as I am observing, and there is a lot of mental commentary going on in the background of my mind.

So, the dream starts with her talking about herself and how she was a confused girl or something looking for love. Then I see a scene where she is inside of a giant cake that is being pushed down the hall. She has a similar costume as if she were in the movie Hellboy, thus the title. She says she is looking for love, and that her whole life turned around after this one event.

The cake gets pushed into a restaurant. And it's directly in the middle. Suddenly there are 5 guys, who I recognize as all competing for her love, that burst out in a murdering spree everyone in the restaurant. There are three guys who I basically discard and don't pay attention to. There is one guy with red hair, who I can't think of at the moment, and the last one is Wolverine! haha.

So I see Wolverine kill people, and then he takes this one guy out of the room by his claws. This whole time I'm thinking "how does she gets these men to like her?" "Maybe she just displays her real personality and whether or not they like her doesn't actually affect her because she has so many people who like her".. It's a really intricate thought process that I'm not doing justice to here, but I felt sad and depressed while thinking the thoughts. I was looking at the movie as a type of archetype for how to act, and I had this mental cycle that basically went "I'm not good enough, how do I get better?, the movie knows the answer so watch the movie and learn the right way."

Anyway, I follow Wolverine out into where he dragged the guy, and suddenly I'm in my cabana back in Dallas. I can't say for sure what happened after this because I had another dream at 5am that really scares me and might be a true account about what I did, but I am not for sure because I can only remember what I said happened.

Dream 2-- 5am continuation of dream 1

So, in this dream, everything repeats just like dream 1. When I follow Wolverine out I become aware that I am part of an assassination squad, and our group name is on this serving tray that looks exactly like what they would bring you for an order or room service. Once again, I am in my cabana.

I look around, and I am in this rectangular room, which doesn't actually resemble my cabana at all except the ground is carpetted a light blue and the doors are white. The tray disappears as I look back, and it is replaced by three of my high school friends: Stewart, AK, and a third person. I immediately announce to them that this is a dream and that I had just experienced this situation earlier, but I don't become lucid.

I explain to them in detail exactly what had happened, or at least what I remember. I cannot be sure if in this dream I am giving a true account of what happened in the original dream, but I seem pretty damn convinced, and everything I was describing was accurate.

So, I tell this is a dream, and I show them what I did. I walk over to a door, and I say, "I opened this door, and there's a bed and a TV, and I watched the TV from the bed." I open the door, and it initially it doesn't seem like there is a bed inside but I can see the TV. It doesn't matter, I don't look long enough to care. I walk over to another door and say and here is the exit. As I am walking over I can see the look on their faces is really freaked out/surprised. Both of their eyes are like in a way that is really exaggerated. I can't believe I didin't lucid this!! That's the end.

Dream 3-- Airport Group Bathroom

Some of my dreams that I have now-a-days seem to give me memories of dreams I've had in the past but WHILE I'M STILL IN THE DREAM. It's very weird. When I wake up I cannot remember having any dream like it, but in my dream mind I am sure of my location, and it all seems very familiar. In fact, I have memories of how the other dreams went, but they only last as long as my dream.

In this dream, I am carrying a blue tub, which is a debate term for one of the 10 gallon plastic containers that carry everything. I am walking through an airport, and I think that is my luggage. I know I need to take a shower before I board because I don't want to be gross for the flight. I walk over to this huge gray table where there is a security guard sitting down. He is black.

I put down my tub on the table, and I open it a little maybe to see what's inside but change my mind because he calls me over. He asks from my student ID, I give him my college student ID, and then I walk over to bathroom. I don't remember walking through any door, but I appear in the bathroom at the back right hand corner. I am only wearing a towel at this point. This is a huge square room where there are lines of sinks along the wall, and people sitting in stools near each sink. At the opposite corner (front left) I see a door that is slightly open and appears to be a shower. Where I am seems to be some sort of sauna.

I walk around looking for an empty spot, but I'm not saying anything. I think I'm in PassObs at this point because the scenery is so still and I'm not interacting at all. I find an empty sink and put down a white book I had in my hands apparently. As I sit, I get tapped on the shoulder. It's a black woman wearing what looks like blue scrubs as if she were a nurse.

She says something but I can't hear her because I have my right earbud in randomly. I take it out and do a sort of curt "what?" and she asks me a question I can't remember and I say "no." she proceeds to tell me that I am very rude and that I need to watch the way I speak. This comment makes me really self-conscious and ends the dream because I go into a PassObs state and everything begins to turn black. I think about how my comment really was rude and how I might actually be a rude person without realizing it and that I don't want to be rude in the future.

Dream Fragment 4-- Spider vs. Cat

This dream was a drawn out battle between what seemed like two comic super hero characters that were going to kill each other. Once again, I was passive observer in this dream, watching the scene as if it were a movie and all I could do was watch and think. We are in this darkened room, and I see the SpiderGuy (who is white with black hair, long sideburns, and I can't remember clothing) getting his head hit against a wall. As his head smashes against the wall, he looks to the right, which is looking directly at me. Suddenly, he morphs into a spider, and he crawls around trying to escape.

Because it's night, he is very sneaky and goes underneath a bed that I am on. The opponent, who I never see, starts to wait. After a little bit of no action, the spider crawls along the side of a wall at a fast speed toward the door at the other end of this darkened room. I see the opponent now, in the form of a cat, jump up and try to get him. Freaked out, the spider crawls all the way back underneath the bed, and we wait again.

We wait for a long time, maybe 2 minutes, and then these thoughts enter my head like, he's decided never to come out, what a brilliant strategy. And because thoughts determine reality, I stop thinking about the fight altogether, and just pay attention to this cat that is now sitting near the foot of this bed I am on. The cat, which is orange and white, starts to move toward me a little after I bring my attention to it.

It doesn't reach me though, it turns and climbs into what looks like a crib. There is a black cat that hops in from out of my vision. I assume that these cats know eachother because they start to snuggle. I observe how they interact with each other and try to determine what their relationship is like based on their behavior and what signals they are trying to send to each other. This is my classic PassObs state, where I am just watching an event and being purely analytical about it. I am having these thoughts like "oh, the orange cat is moving away slightly agitated so it doesn't like the black cat that much. The black cat is really needy for attention and affection, but the orange cat doesn't want to give it to him. I wonder if the orange cat knows and is just too cool or what"

Stuff like that. Whenever I go deep into PassObs, I end up either switching dream scenes completely because my environment turns all black and I lose focus on any particular sight because I am caught up in my thoughts or I wake up.

Dream 5-- High School Picnic

This dream starts off in a really nice house. I am with my friend, Will, from high school and apparently his dad and some other people. We all walk into this room that looks like a classroom, but seems to be part of the mansion as well. Everyone sits down on top of a desk because there are no chairs in this room. Some people have some bud that they are smoking and I don't have any so I start looking for some.

Somehow I know that underneath these desks there are drawers that I and pull out. I try a couple and there is nothing in them. I walk over to a separate isle of desks and try again. I find what looks like purely a rolling paper, but as I pull it out I hear a dad say "oh look he got one" so I decide to light it. I have to squish it together and roll it with my fingers for it to remain taut and not fall apart. As I am smoking it I get the feeling like I am actually getting high. My vision starts to blur a little and I completely relax into the situation. My analytical mind goes blank and I just start walking along. I end up walking outside where there are a bunch of other high school friends having a picnic.

They are sitting on these wooden tables that have pizza and chips on them. I see Gefen, and Doug, and David C., and Sean. All of these people I have seen smoke bud at one point or another, so the connection here is clear. As I am walking around, I am trying to have conversations with some of them, but I get in my head and analytical about what we are talking about, which makes me want to move on and do something else because the analytical aspect makes me really uncomfortable and uneasy. I can't talk to anybody without my mind firing a million thoughts per second, so I just wander around high for a while. I never finish my blunt, but I continue to smoke it throughout the dream.

False Awakening 1-- Talking to Daniel

So I am flying to Boston on Thursday, so I wanted to call my friend over at BU to hang out and chill. I did this during a False Awakening and our conversation was like Me: "hey man, I'm coming into town this weekend" "oh nice man.. (something about his roommate)" "I'll be there Thursday Friday Saturday wan to chill" "(says something nonresponsive)" (SILENCE) in my head I go PassObs thinking about whether I should say "are you free?" or just drop the conversation and take his non-committal response as a no. Then I start thinking about all the cool stuff he must be doing in BU and how he just chills until someone asks him to do something and then goes with the flow that way. WOW I get up in my head!!

False Awakening 2-- Comments from Matthew

Yesterday I had a 30 minute conversation with my TA in Writing class about how to do this upcoming project. He talked to me a lot about my analytical mind and how I like to tackle the larger, meta issues of a subject, which sometimes forces me away from the more pragmatic and applicable problems that the prompt is trying to point to. These comments started me thinking about how that applies to my life in everyday situations and how I could change that behavior or what I would need to do in order for that behavior to change.

In my dream, I am writing down geometrical shapes and words on graph paper while listening to a distant voice that sounds exactly like Matthew. He is telling me in my dream that I am too critical and that I need to settle down and relax. I am sorting through the paper trying to find where I put these comments. He is explaining that I already know everything I just need to organize the thoughts and make them cogent instead of muddling the issue and trying to make it more complex. I think I am awake this whole time because I am in my dorm room and everything seems normal.

After enough of these comments, I go into PassObs of self-criticism about my behavior and my ability to learn things and write essays, which causes the dream scene to go black and I wake up.

Dream 6-- Arguments with Friends about Gender

So I am in a separate darkened room with two people that I think I know. They seem to be related because they are lying in the same bed, while I am in my own chair, which I think is a bean bag chair. At first, I am facing them and we are talking about the difference between guys and girls. We are talking about it from the parent's point of view and which would be harder to raise and why.

I don't know what we were saying specifically, but out of synchronicity, the TV turns on, and I swivel around somehow in my bean bag chair. The TV character looks like Jon Stewart and he is explaining how for guys the cost of being raised is like $2 because we don't need anything. For girls it's like $50,000 because they need tampons, bras, and all of these other materials. After the show is over I turn around and we all start laughing.

Dream Fragment 7-- Nurse Mom

I am laying in the bed I sleep in whenever I go to my grandparent's house. Instead of being normal, my legs are hanging off the side and I am lying on some pillows, with my face turned to the side looking at a TV screen with some medicial show playing. I feel sick, and I transition from being inside my body to going PassObs and being a part of the show through the camera. Next, my mom walks into the room with some soup. This dream occurred chronologically after I had the dream where I smoked the blunt, so I was really worried that she would notice the smell of bud. This is an example where I have memories of previous dreams inside of my dream.

She comes over and pats me on the back in a comforting way. I start to get really paranoid and freaked out that she knows, which forces me into PassObs mode and then out of the dream!! Grr!

Dream Fragment 8-- Talking to a DC

This isn't lucid, but I'm in my dorm room talking to a DC. He is explaining to me his experiences with LD and how it helped him in his life. He explains to me how he used to be depressed and lacking in creativity. Then he found the world of LD and he never wanted to leave. It allowed him to fully explore his imagination and take a leap into another world. I suddenly get this vibrant thought of me flying over a city and just racing through the wind. There is a great breeze going through my hair, but the scene is amazing and awesome, and now I am super motivated to fly in a LD!


Overall, my dream recall really improved tonight, but I also think that I was not getting very deep sleep. I was tossing and turning a lot which I think kept my consciousness level higher than normal, but also affected my rest. I didnt hear my WILD alarm go off at 5am, but I still had many FAs which is a sign that my WILDing techniques are getting better. I feel like I am having more and more obvious chances to DILD, which is really encouraging. I am focusing more on RCing during the day and making them serious RCs. I will take deep breaths and start looking around and feeling my clothes in order to get a mixture of sense perceptions. I tell myself throughout the day "When I am dreaming, I will look at my hands and recognize the dream state." I'm really motivated on this WILD journey, and I think that with a little more practice I will start having these WILDs and DILDs tonight! I can see it happening, there is just that little extra step of realizing shit is weird in the dream. I will have to start paying more attention to my reality so that I can say "hey this is a little weird, I'm going to RC" just to ingrain the habit.

Tonight I felt massive improvement in my ability to WILD. I was reading so much on the forums because I want to get this skill down, and I'm really starting to understand that this could potentially allow me to LD every night and every nap!

So I went to bed at midnight, which I feel is going to be my consistent time to sleep because it gives me room to experiment with the amount of sleep I need to appropriately time my WILD. I think I have found that setting my alarm for 5am works best because 4 30 was too early. I would wake up just before my alarm would go off, and then have to wait for it to ring.

Maybe I am not so anxious about this journey anymore so that I can relax into sleep better or maybe I was just exhausted from working out, but I slept very well last night. I got to bed and fell asleep in 20 minutes. I didn't wake up until the alarm clock beeped at 5am. When the alarm clock beeped, I successfully woke up, and tried not to move. I remembered that I was trying to WILD so I started counting my breaths and trying to stay at least semi-awake. I can tell that this method was successful because I had my first FA in a while right after I fell back asleep. I was in my bed in my dorm room, which is the most common way to RC after WILDing! So I'm definitely making progress on that front.

I didn't successfully realize the dreamstate yesterday, but I'm really optimistic about today. I'm doing RCs all the time during my day and repeating affirmations along with continuing to read guides/forum posts about WILDing on these forums to keep the idea fresh in my head.

Tonight, I'm going to look at my hands while I'm dreaming and realize that I'm dreaming. It's going to be awesome.

Dream 1-- Spice Girls Remix

So, this dream is half passive observer half I'm actually noticing that I'm in my body. Most of my dreams now are pretty sexual because I haven't masturbated for like a week now. I actually feel more energized because of it, but this is a DJ....

So I start out in my room. I'm facing away from my bathroom, meaning that I can see the rest of my room, including my bed and my LoveSac (which is a comfy and huge bean bag chair. I hear this music start to play. My whole screen of vision goes red and I can see this black girl with a golden wig on starting to sing. I think she starts singing a song that's uniquely Spice Girls at first so I can begin to recognize who they are.

This is my Passive Observer state. Here, it's like I'm just the camera for this music video with thoughts and critique. The camera will change easily and there won't be much feeling inside me, just thoughts and analysis of the video I'm watching.

So I see the black girl at first, she's wearing a white Halter top and some skimpy shorts. Suddenly, the camera pans out and I feel like I'm in my body in my room, and I can see all five of them. The song keeps playing and I'm having the realization that I'm listening to the Spice Girls in my room, but it doesn't cause me to RC or wake up. Then, the screen turns all green as the camera focuses in on another of the girls, who looks like she is kind of depressed. She is white with black hair, and she plays the cello. She has a very weird voice that doesn't actually go with the song at all. In my PassObs state, I question the legitimacy of her playing the cello and how it would affect the song. I start listening to the music more carefully and realize that the cello is being played really fast but somehow it works with the music. I get the feeling like in concert she must get really tired.

Pan out again. I'm sitting in the same place looking at all five of them. For one of the verses one of them starts to sing who sounds kinda Asian, and she even makes the comment about how she has the classic Asian accent, as part of the song. What's funny is how this whole time I am trying to remember the lyrics for the song, and I feel really confident in my version, but they keep changing the song into something really random, like at one point they are talking about horses.

Then the video suddenly shifts, and now I'm standing at the doorway to my sister's room, and I see this one hot blonde Spice Girl start doing a seductive dance as the beginning of another song. She is wearing basically nothing, I can see her stomache and legs. I want to F this girl, but I'm in PassObs (oh how I wish I was lucid!). They start another song, but it doesn't last very long because I roll over in bed.

Dream 2-- Busted by the Police for the First Time

So, this dream starts off similar to the other dream where I feel like I'm just a camera that is part of a movie. I am in the sky and floating down as I see lots of people crowded around some rides. There is procession of buses and sounds to my left. There are these silver gates that separate different areas where people are either waiting to get on a ride or are on the ride. It's all out on in the open, all on concrete, but I can't really see the ground because there are so many people.

As I am still floating downward in camera mode, I hear Dave Chappelle tell a Joke that I cannot remember, but I feel like I had it in my memory for a long time because I knew it when he said it. As the camera finally descends, I become a person and start walking around, but I am alone at this carnival. I get to this one section where there aren't a lot of people and I decide to try and start drinking so that I can loosen up and have some more fun. It's the classic red Solo cup filled with beer. As I drink and walk, I realize that I'm like the only one in this part of the Carnival somehow, and so I start walking towards the party. As I get closer, I see out of the corner of my eye that there is a group of police officersstanding on the other side of the metal fence, scoping out the situation and probably carding people.

At first, I feel really confident I won't get IDed as long as I walk confidently and act like I don't even notice them. I remember that I haven't shaved in four days and I have never gotten busted before. I walk past all of them, but the last one says "Hey, get over here" and "Show me your ID." I know I'm fucked, but I'm like "OK" in a calm voice. I start patting my pockets as if I don't know which pocket it's in. He is starting to get impatient and is like "C'mon, C'mon." As I open my wallet, I realize that I don't have my ID. Although in real life there is no real explanation for not having it, in my dream I think back to some event that happened earlier that justifies me not having it. I think about giving me school ID to the cop or this other ID I have, but he's like "You're not 21, I'm giving you a ticket." My heart sinks into my stomache and I feel awful. I can only look down as shame and guilt start to wash over me.

I start to wonder what went wrong, when I look up there is a mirror there. I see that I had been wearing this white polo with purple stripes, I wasn't actually shaved, and I looked 17. I was like wow I am never wearing polo shirts out again, and I start beating myself up mentally like why would I be so stupid to wear out a polo and next time I am coming with friends. Why didn't I come with friends? If I had been here with a frat everything would have been fine, and then I picture myself being with a frat and drinking and having fun and all of that. Then I wake up

Dream 3-- Space Ship Wars

This dream is super obscure, but it involves people from my high school, which should be the most ultimate dream sign in existence for me and I don't know why I can't seem to RC it properly when it happens! I could be having DILDs every night along with my WILDs!!

So the dream starts out at night time. I am on the radio with my teammates and we need to take out with our ships for what I think is a practice run, for fun. I don't remember ever flying these ships before and I can't think of any particular job we have to do for them. I am on some like school track or something, but there is a metal door that opens up like a garage door and reveals my space vehicle, which is shaped like a classic UFO.

It's me Peter, Brendon, and this blonde girl who is really hot. We take off and I'm super shitty at flying my craft. I hear Peter and Brendon talking over the intercom, and I can see a lot of the action out of my front mirror. Most of my movements aren't coordinated with my brain, so they just kinda happen and I have to go along with them. The opponents we are fighting have crafts in the shape of the female sign (the circle with a line down and the horizontal stripe), which is funny because I got shown a binky yesterday that was that exact sign/shape.

We start fighting the female shaped opponents, but I'm not really doing anything. I'm flying around just trying to get control of my vehicle, and I'm failing. I hear them talking about strategy and who they hit and who hit who, but I'm flying into a tree. I dodge the tree by going straight down and my shit crashes into a pool of water. Suddenly, I am swimming with this hot blonde, and Peter comes down too. We are all three in the pool, just relaxing, when Peter gets back in his craft and I get back in mine and we take off again. I still can't control mine for shit, and then Brendon announces that we won, so I land my UFO back into the water.

It's me Peter and the hot girl again and we are like under a bridge but I can see the original place that we hung out before taking off a second time. I'm sort of away from Peter and the girl, feeling a little PassObs but wanting to be a part of the celebration. Suddenly, as if it were part of a movie, the girls floats over to me with a big smile on her face, and we start making out!! I'm really happy.

Dream Fragment 4-- False Awakening After WILD

So I am doing a WILD Journey, and I set my alarm for 5am after going to sleep at 12. I remembered to start counting in my head before falling back asleep, and this night I actually managed to get back to sleep relatively quickly. Looking back, I had read on these forums that usually WILDs will start with false awakenings in the exact bed/room you are in, so you need to get adept/used to RCing upon awakening every time.

I didn't do that and I sat up in my dorm room bed and looked over at my roommate. The scene was kinda fuzzy but it was super weird. My roommate was sitting at the head of his bed, and there was this shirt hanging from a rack. Behind the shirt was this giant slab of meat, and it looked like he was on his computer taking notes about this slab of meat or something. I didn't say anything and nothing else was going on, but I remember thinking about how weird the whole thing was. I fell back asleep and missed my chance to LD from my WILD, but I'm glad I am noticing my FAs and that I actually successfully transitioned!

Dream Fragment 5-- Samurai Fight

This dream was really long, but it got cut extraordinarily short due to the morning time, and I think that messed up my recall. I had been reading The Book of Five Rings before I went to sleep, and so I had sword fighting as a theme bright inside my head for tonight.

There was a large build-up, but me and this guy face off to fight. He starts to charge me and I have all of these thoughts running into my head like how is he going to strike, will I be able to defend, how can I win this. I was getting all excited about fighting him because part of me knew it was a dream and that it was going to be exciting. I think I was on the verge of lucidity when my roommate's alarm clock went off in my opponent's mid stride!! I was so disappointed when I found myself in my bed. It was the first time in a while that I was going to fight in a dream.

This journey is getting ridiculous because I don't know whether I am doing things wrong or whether this is part of the whole process in order to get over some hump and have my body just relax into it.

Last night I went to bed at 11pm and set my clock for 5am. I couldn't get to sleep for what felt like 2 hours, but the whole time I was having these vivid and fantastic flashbacks to everything I had been doing in my life, ranging from age 7 to age 18. It was amazing, but it also felt inopportune. I know that I shouldn't attempt to WILD before getting at least 2-4 hours of sleep, so I wasn't exactly trying to get myself to transition into that state, but I was occasionally reaffirming my intention to recognize the dream state, which I think kept me conscious longer.

With this trouble falling asleep, I am also having trouble staying asleep. I will toss and turn throughout the night and I can't fall asleep as easily when I do find myself awakened mid-night. Before this journey, I would very systematically just fall asleep within 10-15 minutes of going to my bed, and then have the ability to drift off to sleep if I woke up after a REM period or something.

I think my alarm woke me up at 5am, but I didn't register that I was trying to CAN-WILD, so I just rolled over and tried to fall back asleep, which is the cardinal sin of CAN-WILD! Do not move when the alarm sounds! So, with that being said, I have school today so maybe I will be better distracted from this effort and will be able to just fall asleep more easily. Let's see what will happen, I'm excited!

Maybe WILD isn't for me, but I'm not giving up yet. When I finally get the access to post I will ask these questions in a forum.

How do I fall asleep quicker?
How do I WILD without giving myself the conscious intention to do?
Did others have this similar setback when they started a WILD Journey?

Dream 1-- High School Reunion

I 100% understand now that seeing anyone from my high school or being on that campus is a definite dream sign. The next time I see these things, I will become lucid and reality check.

In this dream, I am outside with all the other people from my grade and some younger. It's like everyone that I've ever known is there. We are sitting down in these metallic chairs and the moms/teachers are having us do these various activities. I remember seeing J. and Jeff Perkins and Giancarlo.

The dream is relatively long, but once again my WILDing journey is putting me in this situation where I am losing sleep, my dreams get more vivid and realistic, but my recall is diminishing. I'm trying to even this whole thing out but its relatively difficult since I'm only on day 4. I will get this down though!

In one part of the dream, we all stand up and get in a line to play a game that apparently we all know. The teachers call out some category of character like "Thief" and then we all have to complete some action. Most people don't know the action, and just sit down, but I try to play along like I know exactly what's going on, and it's me and two other people who don't get eliminated.

We move to the front of the line, right in front of some door. I'm last in the line behind Giancarlo, and a sophomore who always used to talk to me. They call out another category, and we have to sing a rhyme, which I don't know at all, and then strike this specific pose. I can't do either, but everyone else messes up as well, so we all lose.

Then I turn around and I'm PassObs, I see my crew coach trying to load a bunch of gear into the boat. He takes this huge load at first, but can't handle it all so he walks back. I'm not looking around or moving or trying to help. I'm literally like a stable tripod that is taking a consistent picture of the scene, but I have a lot of thoughts that personalize the situation. I'm thinking about helping him and calling out to him and making my way over to him, but then I contradict myself and keep myself sitting still and not doing anything.

He comes back with two wooden oars, and a megaphone. He walks all the way down this wooden dock to his white boat, and then drives off.

Dream 2-- Sexin Sydney

I only knew this girl because she the girlfriend of one of my friends. I can't say the girl in my dreams was actually this girl, but she is the closest resemblance in my head.

She and I are in this room together. There is a giant bed with nice sheets on one side of the room and these huge glass windows on the other side. It's a relatively small room, but all we really care about is the bed. We talk for a little bit, but then things start getting hot and heavy. I know I have a boner, and she starts rubbing it, and it feels really good. She takes off my pants, and starts BJing me, but then this thought enters my head like 'if she keeps doing this for too long, I'll end up cumming too soon' so I push her head off of me, but then another thought enters my head like 'if I don't penetrate her soon enough, I will lose my erection and everything will be totally messed up.

So I quickly try to take off some of her clothes, pants first. I get those off and already notice i'm losing my hard-on. This is kinda disappointing me because I really want to F this girl, especially in a dream! One of my goals is to have dream-sex, lucid or not! I'm totally limp, we can't do it. I'm disappointed, she's disappointed. And then she makes a comment about how we shouldn't have smoked weed before this and how weed will do that to me. At first, I didn't even remember smoking weed, but then I felt totally guilty and stupid because I probably had smoked weed and that I had known that weed could do this to me and was most likely the culprit.

So we just lay together for a bit. We talk a little, but I feel a surge of thoughts rush into my head, and I turn PassObs relatively quickly. She is next to me, and I'm not saying anything or what I'm saying is kind of hurtful. She moves a little bit away and now I feel super awkward and I'm beating myself up for not being able to F her and smoking weed and saying the wrong thing. I want to cry, but instead I just wake up.


Hazy recall tonight, my ability to fall asleep and stay asleep is getting worse. Maybe I need to read some more articles or just relax about the whole WILD thing

So I successfully turned my alarm on for 4 hours and 30 minute after I fell asleep, but for some reason my biological clock keeps waking me up before the alarm goes off! This is really frustrating because I can't fall back sleep for like an hour after I get woken up.

My roommate breathes loud, and there is a street right outside my window that has cars and ambulances and police even at 4 am. So I had to stay up for maybe an extra hour just trying to WILD. I only fell asleep after I stopped trying and totally lost consciousness. I feel like so far my dreams have been longer and more realistic, but overall my dream recall has decreased and my quality of sleep has gone way down. I have to sleep for 9 hours and I toss a lot more during the night. I don't fall asleep as fast either.

I need to read up on more WILDing techniques because maybe I'm not doing it right and need more guidance. I hope to start having LDs from this journey soon because otherwise there are only consequences

Dream 1-- Gettin Girls with my Grandad

So it's me, my dad, my grandfather, and my grandmother. We are walking around some place that isn't distinct. There isn't much going on in this dream. Basically we walk the same path over and over, as if it's like a level in Mario that you keep playing until you win.

In this path, I find different girls every time and it's like I approach them really easily and casually, with confidence that they will just want to talk and we will get along. We talk for a little bit and then I bring the girl up to my dad at first. I say "Jeff, Sarah, Sarah, Jeff" they shake hands and then my dad makes the whole situation awkward. I have this feeling like I did the whole thing wrong that I if I could do it over again I would do it better.

Restart the level.

We are walking again and I see this really attractive blonde girl. I walk up to her and we start talking. I then bring her up to my dad and do the "Jeff, girl, girl, Jeff" routine. And the same thing happens. This time when I go through the sequence though, I notice that my grandfather is with us and could provide an alternative approach to the problem. It's like I'm in Ender's Game, where I keep replaying this level and trying new things.

Restart the level.

We are walking and I spot this amazing brunette. We start talking, and there isn't even anything going wrong when I talk to the girl. She and I are getting along really well and I'm like introducing her to my Grandfather just to seal the deal in a way. So I walk over to my granfather, and his face looks tanner and darker than usual. His teeth are more golden and it's like his face is almost blotting out the sun from the angle I'm looking at him. It's glorious and weird simultaneously. Anyway, I do the whole introduction but this time its "Mel..vin, girl, girl, Melvin." They shake hands and my grandfather starts teasing her and having a good time with her, it's great! He's the best wingman ever.

I think this represents how I see my dad/grandad in real life. My dad is socially awkward most of the time and doesn't handle conversations with attractive women very well. Instead, he will just gawk at them from afar and comment at how beautiful they are. My grandad, however, is the most social person ever. He will just talk to whoever is in front of him. I know he is cool and outgoing, and my subconscious obviously agrees! Awesome, now I have gathered some more information about how I feel.

Dream 2-- Playing Chess with the Wrestling Team

So, I used to play Chess. A lot. It was my main passion for about 2 or 3 years. I would go to tournaments and they would all follow basically the same format. There would be a bunch of people just spread out across a wide open room. They would set up a line of chess boards over these white tables, and there would be two chairs on either side. It was always the same.

In this dream, I'm playing chess against somebody I can't remember, but I'm 99% sure he was from my high school, which is a DreamSign I can't seem to remember to RC when I see!! He pulls out this black clock that has a little screen, and he obviously doesn't know how to use it or what the rules are. He tells me to set it for thirty minutes, so I set it for 20 each and tell him we will get 10 extra minutes at a certain time in the future. It didn't make sense at all, but he bought the excuse.

We start playing, and as we are playing, the pieces disappear. This reminds me of when I used to play mental chess, where you had no pieces on the board but you would just write down moves to double-check what move it was, etc. So, the dream seems to fast forward to this really weird position, where his king is in the corner. I can't tell where my pieces are or what to do, so I take a really long time thinking about the situation. I'm trying to checkmate him, but as I analyze the situation there doesn't seem to be a move.

I look over at the clock and I have 11 seconds, so I immediately make a move that wasn't thought out. Suddenly we move to differently table and the pieces reappear. My opponent then takes one of my pieces, but the move was totally illegal. I call him out on it and it doesn't understand so I stop the clock, which hit zero on my time, raise my hand and call over a TD. This was classic procedure during a tournament.

The TD walks out of thin air, and happily listens to my request. The opponent moved one of my pieces and should be DQed or have to take his move back and I get more time. The TD says I'm right with a little laughter.

I look back and the chess set it gone. Instead, there are members of the wrestling team all sitting around in various spots along the table in front of me and on the right hand side of the room. Apparently they are serving dinner, and I know full well that I won't be having any somehow. As they each come out, one by one, with their plates we all comment on the size of their meal. All of these people are in my high school, which is my largest Dream Sign, GRR!! Alex Chuka, who isn't on the team, has a large pastrami sandwich and a bunch of mac n' cheese on his plate. Will Hicks, who also isn't on the team, has a lot of meat on his plate. There are more but I don't remember any specifically except this one baldish kid who was always really intense and didn't talk much. He got a moderate amount of food, and sat down right next to me.

The whole time I was jealous everyone got to ate but I was also adamant in not eating food and resisting the temptation. Maybe I'm thinking about how I had to cut weight when I was on the team or how I'm on a diet now, either way the whole self-restraint thing was brutal. I went Passive Observer at this point.

Dream Fragment 3-- Lower School Quizzes

So I'm back in Lower School, and I'm taking these quizzes that don't make any sense to me. I think this is the first dream I've ever had where I actually attempted to do math problems. I'm in lower school, but the quiz has Calculus questions on it, but I don't register that as weird. I'm taking the quiz and I get stuck on this one problem that has three options for answers.

I look at the problem, and back at the answers, and back and forth. As I keep switching, in hindsight I can see that the answers would change as I kept understanding the problem better and got a better idea for what the correct answer would be. One answer turned into something that was blantantly wrong, so I could stratch it off the list. The other answers remained possibilities, but I remember finally coming to an assured conclusion after maybe 3 minutes of trying to solve it.

I think this is a classic example of how text will shift and move when you look at it twice. I didn't pick up the dream sign though. I really need help figuring out how to actually notice my dream signs while I am dreaming! I can see them all afterwards, but that doesn't help!!

My dream recall was kinda shoddy tonight. I'm trying to do a WILD technique but when I wake up I can't fall back asleep for like an hour!! My roommate breathes really loud and there is the noise coming from the road right outside my dorm room. Either I need ear plugs or maybe I am just not completing the transition phase correctly. I'm going to read up on WILDing today.

Ok so today I went to bed at midnight and set my alarm for 4:30am again. This time I made sure that my alarm wasn't on vibrate and that I would wake up.

Somehow, and it's very interesting, my biological clock woke me up at 4:25 before my clock could actually ring! I was really surprised at this and am wondering if it would affect my WILDing experience in the future. I think that I woke up too much as a result of this because I had to roll over and turn off my alarm before it went off and I had to pee really badly so I just found a couple of bottles.

When I came back to bed, I was pretty awake, and my roommate as snoring and there were crashing noises going on outside, so I couldn't WILD successfully. I counted to 100 about 3 times, but there was no actual transition! Damn.

I still enjoy the process because after my attempt I had this amazingly long and drawn-out dream that was really vivid! Tomorrow I will try again, and this time I won't drink anything right before sleeping.

Last night I had the most amount of dream and the longest dreams that I've had in a long time. On average, my dreams lasted about 30 minutes and they all were very complex and compelling in hindsight.

Dream Fragment 1-- Movies

So I'm walking down an open hall, it's almost like a bridge in a tall building where there are glass boundaries with steel poles on top. There are 5 college/frat guys who I know that are leaning against this pole on the right side and looking over the edge. I know that I walking towards a movie and I feel really confident in my stride somehow.

They are looking at me and I don't instantly go passive observer, which is awesome. Instead, I just keep walking, but I recognize that they are superior to me or something mentally so when I walk by them I drop my ID card in the police on purpose/accident I can't tell which and then say out loud "I dropped my ID card in the trash can." They all laugh but I remain unreactive and fish out my card without even really looking.

After I get the card, I walk inside and sit in the back of the theater with my longobard in hand. This is really similar to what happened during a recent movie screening a went to. I sat in the back alone while there were a bunch of people around me. In the same way, there were a whole lot of people in the theater I walked into, but I ended up sitting alone in the back. The screen started playing and I got totally captivated in the movie and turned passive observer, which is a main dream sign and occurs usually when I
1) enter conversations
2) watch a movie or play a video game
3) Feel self-critical
4) STop focusing on being aware

So the movie play and it's a scene where there are two cops driving a car. It's a red car and the police are having a discussion about donuts, this leads me into my second dream.

Dream 2-- Donuts, Sugar, and my Dad's Office

Somehow I am in my dad's office building now, but it's not the actual building. It's just a made up place in my head. The DCs are my dad, this one extra guy who I can't remember specifically but I feel like I knew him in my dream, and me. We walk toward my dad's office, and the guy next to me is eating a donut and drinking coffee. I'm on a diet right now, and so I'm rying not to eat superfluous carbs like that. I end up doing a forward roll, like in Ninjitsu.

The move ends up being in some sort of slow motion, where I get really close to the ground, and can see this white powder, which might be powdered sugar or donut glaze, on the ground. It's everywhere, then I slowly roll up and walk behind my dad and the other guy. When we enter my dad's office, there are two brown desks that have some papers scattered around on them. In a way, it resembles what his old office used to look like but there are no windows and it looks a lot messier.

The guy decides to walk past the desk, and I'm analyzing the situation in passive observer mode thinking about where I should sit, what it means to sit where, and how I want to be better than this other guy. But I decide to sit down in front of the desk, and there are 2-3 blank white sheets of paper and a pen next to me, and a chair.

I don't sit, but I don't see the other DCs either. I've noticed that an aspect of my passive observer sometimes contains me not even being able to experience or perceive the outside world. Even though I am present in the dream still, I am massive caught up in my thought process. I can hear the words of my thoughts and feel some of the emotions that it sparks, but ultimately I don't see much, feel much, or say much.

This dream ends here.

Dream Fragment 3-- Beachin with Dean and Austyn

So I know this is part of a much larger dream that lasted about an hour last night. It was probably the longest dream I kept conscious for in my whole life, but I had this dream after I tried to WILD so maybe that makes sense. Sadly, though, I can't remember the whole thing, so I'm posting the fragments that stand out to me the most and I feel are pretty significant.

Anyway, I am on the beach alone, and I've been here before in the same dream. I walk with a sense of purpose, like I know where I am going. I head toward the water where there are a bunch of people laying on beach chairs, and I look around. I see Dean laying down to my left and then Austyn laying down to my left two chairs down from Dean.

So I walk to my left, and start walking directly for Austyn. I had been trying to hook up with this girl for 3 years. We made out once in 9th grade but then I went too far and she got scared/started crying, so we broke off the relationship. Then she got with one of my closer friends, and they ended up dating for 2 years, and she fell in love with him. She would always cry to me about how much she loved her and I always wanted her back.

So I am approaching her, and I see her face, it looks really beautiful, but she shakes her head and mouths the word "No" as if she can totally read my mind. When I see this, I turn to Dean, who I'm standing right next to at this point and say "Sup." He greets me pretty warmly and we chill for alittle bit. He has this huge bottle of vodka out next to him and he's mixing his cup with it. I can tels he's a little drunk.

Soon, a cop wearing a tannish uniform comes up and says "Hey, what did I tell you about things like this" and Dean just drops down, fills up a cup with the vodka and says "Here is some water" and the cop smiles and says "thank you" and that's the end of that fragment.

Dream Fragment 2-- Exploring The Unknown Dorm

So this dream is really vibrant and interesting. I am walking in my normal dorm, when I find this door I had never gone through before. I go through it and it leads me to this darkish hallway. I'm travelling alone, so I decide to just keep walking because I'm sure that it will lead me somewhere cool that no one else has been to.

After a little ways, I stumble upon what looks like an art gallery. There are large black columns spread out in the wide open greyish room. I can see everything clearly. The paintings are really colorful and amazing. There aren't very many people around so I start to look at the drawings. They really intrigue me, and I start talking to this one girl about them. I don't think our conversation lasts very long. I start walking forward, toward the other end of the hall. I find another hallway and travel in it all the way around until I reach my dorm again.

I start talking to all of my friends and people in my dorm about this new place that I've found, I think I'm doing it to make myself look cool though and not actually add to their experience.

Dream Fragment 4-- Conversation with Chris

So I am in my dorm room, and it is legit my dorm room. Everything is laid out the same. I answer my cell phone and it's Chris Eubank, who I used to be really close to. He gave me tours and showed me around when I was a senior in high school. He let me stay in his room.

Anyway, we are on the phone for maybe 10 minutes just chatting. I don't know if I'm in passive observer or not, but I'm shuffling through my clothing drawers and trying to talk with him at the same time. I feel like this conversation is a test or something to see how well I can keep up a conversation and I am horribly failing. There will be these long, drawn-out pauses between surges of speech.

I can't really think of anything to say as we are talking, and I am trying to keep myself busy and not stress out by shuffling through clothes without any real purpose. At least talk and we converse about some party or something that we are going to do later. I can tell now that I am really overthinking my conversations with people, and constantly stressing about what they think of me and if I am doing the right thing or the cool thing or whatever.

My speech should be an expression of ME from my HEART, not a tool to measure my coolness.

Dream Fragments 5/6-- Listening to Mooji

I've a very spiritual person, and I like to listen to Satsangs on youtube while meditating because they have seriously brought me to a new level of consciousness. I don't even need to be present at these extraordinary learning events, and I can meditate on their meaning without distraction while they are occuring.

I was doing this for a while yesterday and last night before I went to sleep, which apparently had a deep impact. Two separate times when I was dreaming, I had totally silence and was just listening to the words Mooji was saying. In the first scene, I am watching another youtube video and seeing him and listening. He is talking about how you can figure out what you are by eliminating what you are not. It goes something like.

"And the emotions you feel. You are not even this. Yes
And the thinking in your head. You are not even this. Yes"

He keeps listing things and I slowly realize he is totally right! I am becoming enlightened even in my dreams!!

The second time I hear his voice is when I am in the car with my mom. My family had just exchanged presents earlier, and I got two CDs from my sister. Me and my mom are driving and decide to put in one CD. The first track is a techno song that I think is from Hard Haunted, which is a concert I attended two weekends ago. The second track was Mooji, speaking with clarity again.

He starts talking about everything "I AM" and I can no longer remember his words exactly, but this is ok because I know the words are there on a deep and unconscious level, influencing me and helping me find the truth without me even needing to do anything!

Dream Fragment 7-- Family Gift Exchange

Me and my family, which is my two older sisters, my mom, and my dad are gathered in our downstairs den to celebrate some holiday(its almost TDAY) and we are exchanging presents. This is when my sisters gives me the two orange CDs.

We are all exchanging gifts, but suddenly I realize I had no given a gift to my oldest sister Hayley, and I feel really really bad. I feel like I have totally disregarded her and not paid any attention at all to her. I think this resembles how I feel in real life, where I don't have a substantially strong relationship with her as opposed to all the drama and substance in my other relationships.

I feel like my subconscious is really telling me to reach out to Hayley and make her my best friend ever because she is my sister and she loves me and I love her too. I feel that void and I want to fill it.

I should get her a gift!

I feel like I dreamt so much more and had so much more to say at the outset of this DJ but 7 dream fragments is certainly a lot anyway

So I set my alarm for 4:30am and fell asleep at midnight, hoping that the REM cycle would line up with my alarm. I don't know if I woke up at all from my alarm or what, but I cannot remember even hearing the sound. Now, looking at my phone I realize the phone was on vibrate!! How silly.

Tomorrow I will set the alarm appropriately and seriously attempt this WILDing technique because I think it could be a really effective way for me to LD!

I want to gain a level of control with my LDs so that I can say, tonight I want an LD, and actually have the LD.

I am doing the 90 day WILD journey, and instead of clogging the forum with posts, I'll just keep a separate post here in my DJ.

Dream 1-- Home Training with Ninjas and Cats

This dream starts out in a miscellaneous location that I cannot recall off the top of my head. What's happening is that me and the other "ninjas" in Ninjitsu are doing drills by lining up and then all completing the same technique, then running to the back of the line. I don't remember actually completing any technique, but I remember looking at the line, and watching people do it. I remember looking at Sensei, standing with his arms crossed and not looking particularly impressed by anything that was going on.

Suddenly, the drills are still going on, but now they are in my house-back-in-Dallas's kitchen. I think there was this white ladder-like thing that people had to climb before they could perform the technique. I sat down in a chair, eating some chips while they all did the technique because I didn't want to stand in the line, but I was still prepared to have my turn I think.

After a while, the scene changes again, and all the people are gone, it ends up being night time, and there is black cat rubbing up against me. Now, I have a cat in my house, but she is orange and white striped. When this black cat starts touching me, I turn into what I have deemed "passive observer." This state is a crucial dream sign for me and is basically where I no longer identify with a body or actually do much of anything. Instead, I am just thinking about what is going on and watching the dream as if it were a movie that I have no control over or stake in.

So, this cat rubs up against my leg, and I use my hand to pet its head. I get this thought that's like I wonder if cats like to be handled this way and what would be the best way for someone to pet me if I were a cat. So I stop petting the cat and it rubs up against my leg again, presumably to get pet again. I am thinking now about why I would rub up against someone's leg if I were a cat (my dreams can be super-analytical sometimes because that's who I am in real life). I don't do anything and the cat remains unmoving, while still contacting my leg, for about 4 seconds, realizes it won't get pet, and then walks away.

Then, it comes back with two other cats in tow. This part of the dream is really confusing, because I was semi-playing with the cats, and they randomly became kind of hostile. I think this dream brought me back to my childhood where I would mess around with and abuse my cat.

I try to incorporate my dreams into my real life because I think they are intimately connected. I try to find those connections within my dreams and see what my subconscious is trying to get me to remember or do in the future.

Anyway, I'm still in my kitchen and these three cats are just walking around. I have a blanket and I playfully throw it over one so that it is completely covered. I have done this to my cat many times, and it would freak out, and sprint up the staircase to hide under a bed. I found this really funny at the time but looking back it was pretty abusive and silly.

So in the dream, the cat doesn't really find that amusing. I take a hold of the blanket again, and the cat starts walking toward me. For some reason I have this thought that the cat is being hostile, so I start backing up until I back up into a wall. The cat continues to approach me so I raise the blanket up to my neck to protect myself. The cat, who looks like a male version of my cat at home, starts to get up on his hind legs and climb the blanket with his front paws. I start to get scared about what would happen and that this cat could potentially claw the shit out of my face.

I think at this point I wake up.

Dream 2-- Detention in the College Kitchen

This dream was rather long, but I can only remember bits and pieces of it.

The general setting is that I am in a cafeteria, and I am serving detention for I don't know what. There are DCs that all seem to me to be relatively dumb but also surprisingly cool. As in, I become a passive observer by analytically assessing the situation and determining that I am not as cool as everyone around me and I'm trying to notice their movements/gestures/words so that I can copy them in the future. I don't really DO much of anything in this dream except observe while the action happens all around me. In my opinion, it's not awful because I'm really interested in figuring how I see the world, but at the same time it serves as a constant reminder about who I am in real life because I will totally zone out during conversations or parties just because I'm so caught up in my head.

Anyway, enough about my problems this is a DJ. So, I am in this large cafeteria with brown tables and yellow walls. It doesn't remind me of any place in particular, but definitely looks like a cafeteria. The first DC I run into is this guy with a buzz cut and a moustache. He reminds me of a thin version of Ryan from my Spanish class, who I don't really talk to except this one time where he brought up that he really likes to smoke weed. I guess it stuck with me.

Thinking about it, this dream is really scattered and fuzzy. The event that stands out to me the most is that there was this poster that someone gave to either me or my friend as a gift in the dream. It was a green poster board with magnets in the shape of dicks placed on it. There were three dick-magnets on the green posterboard, and the guy said that combined they managed to accurately point north or something.

There were marking on the posterboard and I wanted to measure it and figure out if it was legit. I took out a six inch ruler, which I apparently had in my hands, and starts to measure to angle of the distance between the dick-magnets or something. As I got more and more into it, I forgot what I was doing, and I would be blinking and seeing that more pencil would appear on the board even though I wasn't actually drawing anything. I thought the dick-magnets were really funny when I first saw them.

Dream 3-- Tim Jang and Frat Guys Make me Sleepy

This dream was short. It was night time and I was hanging out with Tim Jang, from my high school, and frat guys from college. I always feel out of place in these kind of dreams, where there is partying and alcohol and drugs just because I have abstained from them for the sake of trying to meditate and find my higher self.

So, they are smoking weed and are probably cross-faded at this point, we all walk into an apartment. I am totally passive observer at this point, and I am tired. I can recognize that I am tired because my thoughts feel really heavy and incoherent, my eyes are only 75% open. So I decide to lay down on the bed even though everyone else is still having a party and doing their own thing. I have regrets about doing this even in the dream but I feel like I have no choice because I am so tired and am not conversing with anyone anyways.

When I wake up, all the frat guys are gone but Tim Jang is there. I don't really understand where we are and I look down to see my Halloween costume, which was a large white board acting as my Fbook wall, totally covered in the marks from the guys. The board in my dream didn't really resemble the board of real life because it had two actual status updates from me, which I couldn't read. Something I've found interesting, though, is that text in my dreams is usually legible and will actually keep stable when I look away and look back if I am paying enough attention to notice.

So, I get a little sad/pissed off knowing that my board just got ruining and that I fell asleep when everyone else was having fun. Tim and I decide to walk back to the dorms, but I don't know where we are. We discuss it for a little bit, and then start to walk. Then I wake up.