DarkestDarkness

22nd January 2022

Fragment:

WoW, playing with MV at one point. Something about doing duo raids and so on. Some weapon racks with axes?


23rd January 2022

Fragment:

Some segment about being in a shop looking for a labcoat. Someone suggests one to me and I ask them to hold it out but I find that it doesn't really suit me and that it actually looks more like an undersized blouse.

(gap)

At a service station.


27th January 2022

Dream:

I'm with H, we're going somewhere in a car. I think we've been at home but we're at a service station or something now. I think I need my wallet to get something to eat but I left it at home. Then, someone gets in our car after I've loaded some bags, including a bag like my laptop bag but bigger and red instead of black.

The other person is a guy, a bit younger than either me or H. He wants to hang around with us and seems innocent enough. Something about finding a BL chest.

(recall gap?)

At some place like a school, before the guy appears. The place feels familiar. I go through some hidden and darker halls. At some point I need to wash my hands. I go through a creche and starting washing my hands there but stop when I remember there's a room next door with a normal (and not lower) sink.

Some bit later. In a car with H at first. Driving up a road through or into a town. Other drivers are a bit erratic and swervy. Then eventually we're on foot. It smells like urine. We walk up to a dilapidated building. False memory of being here before. H or someone else unlocks the front door. We go in and up some stairs? Then H stays behind a little. I worry a bit and there are two hooded figures slowly moving towards him and I don't understand what he's looking at and feel worried and impatient for him to follow me.

Not a dream, visualisation:

I vaguely see my alter ego at some stone steps. He's climbing and turned towards the point of view, beckoning. There's a heavenly feel to the place. This all fades quickly.

I see my alter ego with a rifle or similar sized gun, doing some kind of heist, presumably on a bank with a vault. I see this in a series of images showing different viewpoints with extreme perspective distortion, like they're CCTV footage and with few frames per second.

15th January 2022

Fragment:

Something with Gandalf? Using some kind of shared mental projection technique that allows us to scout some place ahead. First, indoors, a place with white walls and vaulted ceilings (how big?). Blue-ish light, indirect sunlight-like. We walk, still as projections, outside. There's a mish mash of a castle and some house thing. It looks familiar and I'm sure I've seen it before, some awareness or perhaps false memory of having seen it in another dream.

Then we knock at some door? A man, sort of fantasy-like and a little fat, answers the door.

Something at some point about H's sister.

(recall was weak)


17th January 2022

Fragment:

Somewhat Victorian place or setting. Cobbled streets in a city. Several different characters. I'm naked and aroused at one point. Someone male interacting with me and trying to convince me of something. Later, a hearth and a fire in a house. I'm naked but under a duvet or something I wrap myself in.

(recall was good, but lost it because of the radio; I vaguely recall this dream visually even now and it had a bit of a grungy feel to it)


18th January 2022

Scraps:

Looking in recycling bags and seeing the wrong things in either of them.


21st January 2022

Fragment:

At old home, daytime. Unusual setting, with implied state of anarchy or non-normality.

There's some kind of animosity between white and black people. I have some hope that people will just get along. People have handguns and shotguns. At one point I'm in a flat, looking for stuff, and I have a stand-off with a teenager. (seen in a sort of isometric third person view) I also feel like I'm a teen. We both have handguns and shoot at each other once, I hit him and he misses me. He dies and I dislike the fact that it was necessary to shoot him at all, only firing in self defence, I feel.

Later, some WoW bit with choosing a sub-faction even though I'm already Alliance.

Unfortunately, for one reason or another, I keep falling back on my backlog of dreams that I want to put up on this DJ. This is annoying me a bit so I better get back to catching up on myself.


2nd January 2022

Some in-line bracketed notes.

Dream:

I'm in a version of my current bedroom. The window is across the way from the bed, rather than being to a side. It's sunny and the curtains are open. There's a slightly portly man walking around the room, going on about what was discovered about pork meat, saying he should have known all along and that he was glad he didn't have too much of it in his life. I feel there's some irony considering his physical appearance. (at the time of this dream, I think I felt this had something to do with eating what I like while I can)

(recall gap)

Then, in a car outside with H. Again, sunny, clear and bright. We're talking? It's a busy place, in a cobbled street. Looks like certain areas in L. A scantily dressed woman waves at me with a smile from a third floor window. I wave back and say hi quietly, wondering why she was being so friendly, but further thinking that she probably just found me attractive. (not something I've ever thought about regarding someone looking at me)

Other minor and random interactions in the scope of friendliness with other characters. Me and H talk a bit more. Then, I'm outside the car.

I'm sort of standing at the midway point of a crossing that people are using. I'm still within talking distance of H and eventually we agree on something and I walk off. (much recall detail was lost, everything was fairly lively)

(recall gap)

Then, at a supermarket. I'm walking around trying to find something nice for us to have for lunch, even though some part of me remembers (false memory) making some sandwiches in buns. I end up finding a pastry aisle and I see some meat pasties which I'm interested in getting. I'm not sure where I should put them. I ask an attendant about bags or anything and she says "no, sorry" or something, and I realise that she doesn't actually speak much English. I walk back to the pastries area and eventually spot some paper bags cramped under something. Then, when I grab some they are actually cut out plastic bottles, though I don't realise this during the dream.

I use two to find two meat pasties which are now in some slick plastic cases and stuff them in the bottles. While I'm walking about I see a load of people at an entrance door and then they're all looking around the aisle. I realise on some level they're students.

(I woke up at some point and I remember falling asleep thinking about how I didn't realise I was dreaming with the previous night's dreams)


9th January 2022

Fragment:

In old home kitchen. I grab off the counter some ten by ten printed canvas which is wrapped in heatshrink (clear?). On the canvas is a young man and a woman, they're sitting on a boat or something and there's water behind them. They're family somehow; my nephew/niece, but older? She's sitting and wearing a white dress and a broad white hat. She has golden loop earrings. He's standing and wearing something darker, black or navy. Everything in the painting is moving slightly, the waves are alive and the two are looking towards the point of view and smiling.

(this dream was especially vivid in my mind at the time for a while and the idea of a canvas with moving imagery was very exciting at the time)

30th December 2021

Fragment:

I'm on some sort of hill castle's ruins. It's sunny and the area seems arid. There are guards below constantly firing arrows at wide intervals, many arrows hitting the walls. Eventually, two guards scale up the hill and the walls. I stab them with a gladius-like blade, one of them I stab in the chest and he falls back against the wall. Later on, they all leave, as if uninterested in continuing the attack. (not worth the risk?)

(recall gap)

Some bit later, in a sports centre of some kind. There's nobody in but myself and I think I'm filling something out. I seem confused about something, not sure what. Then, the centre quickly starts getting packed and I notice the time to be around 12:30 at this point, thinking about how it's an odd time for it to be getting busy.

(recall gap)

Then some bit at old home. MB is there and H is too. We're talking about rugby and I'm interested in it or something but I get the impression H thinks I shouldn't be. There's an odd (maybe tense?) atmosphere.

Notes:

- I have never been especially interested in rugby. I've thought about it as interesting, but never gone much further than that, disliking playing it.

- The atmosphere probably had something to do with H getting a gut feeling about MB and as if I was being seduced. Likely metaphorical context.

- Gladiuses, gladii, whatever, seem to have been appearing a fair bit in my dreams around this time. Perhaps of relevance, I was struggling a lot with mood and energy in this final part of the year.

- Thinking about the odd timing at the sports centre was a bit of a pre-lucid moment.
-- Feeling confused and then everyone coming in seems partly symbolic/metaphorical of answers trying to rush through and around me.

26th December 2021

Scraps:

Some dream like FL. No recall of details.

Fragment:

Something with JF. He looks like his character? He acts rashly and impatiently, aggressive at first but we end up talking and getting along a bit. This seems to take place at old home. Outside at night, in the cul-de-sac car park, I'm walking to dad's old Scenic? And then I try to clean it, but it's now H's van and I just have a small jam jar type of thing to dump soapy water with. Somebody comes over, telling me off. This guy is being territorial about me being here and I try to reassure him and try to leave/get away.

Then, inside the car with JC from school. Going out of the cul-de-sac but then JF is at the bottom of the end of the road (doing what? also normal size) and sort of forces us to reverse. JC struggles reaching the pedals (he still appears to be his younger self?) and I have to press the clutch for him a few times.

Now at home, I'm in the balcony area past my siblings' rooms. Something happens here with JF and some discussion. My gladius? He says he knows all about its "frequency" or something. Then, discussing something about someone who modelled a sword and who worked at Blizzard, but was lost. Lost marines? (What did I mean here?)


29th December 2021

Scraps:

Something in DII, I have reserved mana (GD intrusion), and I also find myself having too little mana anyway, even though it's at a value near 900. I have spare stat points I spend on Energy. Act 1 area, in the moors?

Some in-line notes.

23rd December 2021

Recall was left too long and could only retain vague fragments.

Fragment:

Something about being at old home, I'm in my room and it's sunny outside, though my curtains are drawn closed. They're the old white and yellow diamond curtains. I am moving towards my desk in the corner and feel the need to self-pleasure, but something makes it feel like I can't.

Then, something about going for an appointment. I am briefly outside. The light in the dream seems off somehow, like there's too much shade despite being daytime and how sunny it is, but I don't realise any of this while dreaming. Something happens in regards to me going to the appointment or something, and then I'm home. (Did this scene happen first?)

Fragment:

I'm outdoors and I was in a car before. The place I'm in is a forest and I eventually go through a cave too. There's a relatively small female black bear character, which has something anthropomorphic about it. I want to kill it using a rifle, and kite the bear around all over the place, at one point the bear becomes enraged (like a game buff) and I have awareness that a single hit from the bear could kill me. (Similar feel to being the scout on DRG and kiting a dangerous enemy)

Another half-anthro animal was involved in this at one point.


24th December 2021

Fragment:

It's relatively bright but not exactly sunny. I'm in our bedroom with H, who's on the bed and then there's something that means I have to get up. At one point, we have an interaction with H's grandfather, who's apparently staying with us. (He passed away a couple of years ago, but it feels like yesterday) He knows about us sleeping in the same bed, and doesn't seem to mind.

5th December 2021

Fragment:

Vague recall of being in my old bedroom. Dark, based on light, probably morning outside. My oldest sibling is at my computer playing some game.

(recall gap)

In some kind of hybrid space RTS/base defence thing. It doesn't feel like a game in the dream. Things go well at first, and then the attacking alien waves start to become much stronger. My fleet thing can't keep up and eventually things seem to sort of blend seamlessly into a big wide sort of control room. It's bright, and white-ish. The aliens are blue-grey or silvery and I remember checking their HP and realising that it's much higher than whenever I last checked it. (I am not sure why, but at the time of writing this, this made me think of Ender's Game)

Then I start feeling like I'm alone and overwhelmed by the situation. The invaders become a mix of TCG units, but semi three dimensional. Some units have names that feel sexual? I get close to a "succubus zombie something" unit and it seems to just be the legs. Visually things don't make much sense. The legs are blue and have something like a mouth between them but I perceive this as female genitals during the dream. I stick my finger in the mouth and feel around inside. The teeth, lips and tongue look cartoonish, and are the normal "ideal" colours.


6th December 2021

Fragment:

(left recall too long) Something about a boy I'm mentoring. I think I understand that I can't teach him everything at once and that the lessons I want to teach him aren't necessarily the ones that I can or should teach him right now. Dream location seems to be some mix of old home and an unknown place. It's dark? Abyssal? Certainly vast in some respect.


12th December 2021

Fragment:

(recall left whole day) Something in a town, with H. Semi-detached houses. Then, something in a mall. Vast and open, orange and cream tones (sounds nice but don't have any visual recall anymore). Nobody is wearing a mask except for myself. I go down some stairs/escalator. I think I go past a food court?

I leave the mall through a front entrance, I think. Eventually I'm back with H somewhere, and I comment on how "people 'down South' are careless" or something to that effect.

3rd December 2021

Dream:

I am talking to my eldest sibling through Steam, something about a problem they're having with smells in the bathroom. Then, I'm at theirs. It's a house they bought recently and I'm helping by saying what to watch out for and trying to help plan the bathroom's extraction route. There's a big 35 PSI orange turbine blower, it looks too big for the job, but I figure it doesn't really matter.

Outside the house there's a weird roof and I spot some problems with pointed brickwork that will need sorting out. I tell them and explain a bit. The house seems to be in the middle of some woods; it's Autumn and there are fallen leaves everywhere. I think it might be a bit damp. I don't get to see the other sides of the house but I did mean to. The house has three floors in total and something about the shape looks... Wonky.

Then something about turn-based combat. In a cave area, a boss creature my middle sibling is fighting. I try to help by grappling onto it and being dragged around a bit, until I'm on its rear end/back. I swing a sword and drink a potion of ultra haste to swing faster, but even at this distance all my attacks seem to "miss" and do nothing. Some bit which has an energy barrier, opening up to a pit or cave tunnel going down. I get the impression my sibling is trying to lure the creature there but I am concerned about this place and that this might not work. I think I have some fear of thing backfiring, and it being us falling in.

Notes:

- In retrospect, the battle and our roles in it seems linked to my impressions of how I think my sibling might be coping (or not) with their own issues. The whole dream has some interesting symbolic interpretation potentials, but either way seems to relate to my views on both of my siblings.

- I think the forest was some kind of pine forest, I can't recall exactly, but the trees were certainly very tall, being taller than the house.

- The cave bit's entrance was nearby, behind the house somewhere.

29th November 2021

Very abridged, many details weren't retained after waking; this was a brief lucid involving a false awakening and the lucid part felt continuous and lasting several minutes.

Dream:

I am out and about in a place like old home. Reminds me of 98 and I am with mom maybe, and a group of kids. It's some kind of school trip. (mom is here as a teacher?) I cross some foot bridge thing. It's sunny. I then go into a cafe or shop place, somewhat dark and unlit, except by the bounced light from outside. There are a few dream characters here, there's a counter of some kind on the left side and the place is deep-ish, being long and relatively narrow more than anything else.

I start hearing my thoughts and they are very present. My thoughts tell me I'm dreaming and I confirm this in some way by interacting in some specific way with the people. For some reason, I still feel self-conscious, or like it's impolite to do anything right away, excusing myself and eventually going outside again. My memory in the dream feels decent and I perceive all the visual details vividly but physical sensations are faint.

As I walk between two buildings, I start feeling some kind of arousal but successfully repress it. Instead of letting myself give in to an urge of making myself grow, I start trying to fly. Unable to fly, I am more leaping in large bounds of varying gravity each time. At some point I lose a bit of lucid awareness but I realise this and so I regain some clarity. Eventually I slip away into non-lucidness again and "wake up" falsely, into some other dream segment.

Then I am in a sofa bed with S; she seems needlessly concerned, anxious. This looks like the room me and H have stayed in, when I've visited my parents; it feels like old home, anyway. Thinking I'm actually awake, I try to ignore her a bit and I take my phone out to write down my dream, starting on some detail. But I stop because I'm interrupted by H, who's prompting me to get up as he comes into the room. We discuss something about our day coming ahead.

(recall gap?) Still in the same place, I am playing some game? Something about the original DOOM. Then I realise it's 3PM somehow, and wonder why or how it got so late, kind of in shock. But I don't dwell on it very long. (missed a perfect cue here)

(recall gap)

In some kind of ship, something about a fridge and some chemicals, including screenwash?

Notes:

- I mostly repressed the urge for growing because I always end up feeling like lucidity makes me want to do sexual things, which is fine, but at the same time I also want to focus on other things. Many times I've tried falling asleep with painting, or even art in general, in mind as a lucid objective just in case I ever do become lucid, since it's rare for me.

- After I became lucid, I have some recall that after the two buildings there was a cityscape past a dip (river?) but also a sort of digital-looking existence, like in some old 2000s 3D cartoons. There was something bizarre and unusual about the background, anyway, as well as some other kind of foot bridge.

- The manner in which I became lucid was unusual, not that I have a great deal of samples to compare with.

23rd November 2021

Fragment:

(recall left too long) In one bit I'm trying out some of H's clamp meters (not waking life ones) and I pick up one that has a Bosch blue colour to it; the clamp is flat on the inside, and grippy.

I try it on a few different things and get nothing. Then I realise I'm in the wrong mode and change it to read amps. Then, I try one of our kitchen forks with it. Somehow it reads 4A and I feel a tingle and buzz through my arm (which is holding the fork?); I check the voltage and it's quite high and I decide to go tell H and see what he thinks. I feel like there's some insulation missing or something on the meter, for this to be happening.

20th November 2021

Fragment:

Somewhat adventure-like dream. (left recall too long) Something about turning some huge metal wheels in a couple of buildings at a sea side quay. This makes the clocks of a large nearby church work again.
(I have vague recall even now of the dream, visually. I think at one point I was on some rafters in the church, but I also recall it was a bit of an overcast and yellow-ish day outside.)


21st November 2021

Dream:

I'm with mom in a kitchen of sorts. There's a weird gas oven of some kind that mom is using. I'm just doing some cutlery things with a cupboard. I had just been talking to H and asking if he wasn't going to eat his egg soup thing. Also something about "chef John".

Mom is trying to get the gas thing going and has some rice and sausages which will be getting cooked. I tell her some wicks (?) have gone out. She increases the flow, nothing happens at first and then big flames from those wicks. I tell her she should back it down and she does. Then the food she was cooking seems to have become overdone for her liking. The sausages have supposedly gone sour, and the rice stodgy. I taste a slice of sausage and it tastes bland but not sour, although I did smell something sour.

Then I'm checking my phone. Something weird is going on and I conclude it's a virus on my phone. Messages I'd received are FUBAR on a UI-level and I can't dismiss anything. Pressing home just takes me to some sort of gallery, which has pictures of beaches and of naked female porn stars or something to that effect.


22nd November 2021

Fragment:

(recall left too late) Something about being on a highway or the like. Traffic direction orientation is not as I would expect for where I live. At one point I do not perceive myself as being in a vehicle and am somehow pulling myself along fast enough to at speed, but it feels like I'm struggling a bit. There's a T-junction that's more like a corner and I want to go left where the road curves more naturally.

15th November 2021

Fragment:

Outside on our street. I am coming to see H, who's arriving in the van. He's parked on the opposite side of the road. It's dark outside, but doesn't seem like it's either night or day? I pick up a delivery that was left for us on the pavement, rather than through the door. I open the van passenger door and talk to H about the package and how I find what they did to be annoying. Someone's on the passenger seat, maybe H's sister, A?

Just before this, I'm in the front room doing something and the light is on. I think the curtains are open?

Earlier, some bit on Diablo II where I'm checking how different armour plates look on the barbarian (looks more realistic than he should?).

5th November 2021

Dream:

Later bit, disjointed. JC discovered he's suffering from macaquism (made-up dream thing?) after he was "enlightened", in his words, about my condition. Then, we get to start on drawing class, it's like at college/high school but different room and layout.

Earlier. In a city, L? Cobbled and semi-narrow pavements. I'm going to the bank. There's been some disaster and the building across the way from the bank looks like it's partly exploded and I want to take photos. It's night time and I fiddle on with my camera and the poor lighting. People are gathered nearby and I sort of make my way through and past them, having apparently forgotten my goal. I go far enough to find firefighters and such who are now off duty.

The sky/light is getting brighter? Not as dark now, early day. There's some kind of secondary blast and it makes me jump a little. At the end of the way there are some school kids fighting amongst themselves, blaming each other for something. I turn back after I get a small hit of flying vomit from the kids, although I did not have line of sight to what was actually going on. I go past the bank again now, noticing that it has been damaged too. At this point I remember about wanting to go to the bank but realise I can't so I carry on. I have thoughts about my family, maybe if they're wondering about what's taking me so long.

At one point, there's some villain. I get into a situation where I'm now inside the bank building and I get herded around with other people, wrong place wrong time. I mostly find all of this to be annoying more than anything else. We're made to get off the building by something like a fire escape stair but it doesn't go down far enough. A young woman just jumps down and injures herself, knocked out. I understand that would be foolish to repeat and so instead I climb down more carefully by holding the railings and effectively dropping a much shorter distance, and safely.

Then something about a hero being needed (some narration?), and sure enough a single one answers the call. It's a middle-aged man, not confident in his role as a hero. He doesn't trust that his devices will be enough. (Intrusion, partly related to my thoughts over the years about Batman) Equally, I am not very confident in this hero's ability myself. He seems willing to try, regardless.

(Recall gap?)

Some bit later on, sort of at the old home. Something in the balcony of my old room. There are weird bugs, leaf bugs, I think I tell dad. And other weird black skittering centipede things, but kind of fat. They are having a war of some kind between some spiders, big and small. I think to myself that the only answer to this will be mass destruction. I think of what chemical would both be at hand and also appropriate in terms of effectiveness.

Notes:

- I remember carrying my replica gladius around in the dream, for a large portion of it.

- The last bit with the bugs fighting the arachnids at first glance seems to relate to thoughts that more developed species or cultures may have at any point about less developed ones, say if some highly advanced species visited us or vice versa. Like many other things though, I am noticing that this is a pattern (of thought in this case) that is abstract and can be applied in a multitude of different but similar contexts; in a sense relating to concepts of macrocosmos vs. microcosmos and how they mirror each other.

- Although I didn't make note of it in my initial notes, I get the impression I was lucid for some of this dream, but I don't recall thinking of this as a lucid on waking. There were certain pre-lucid elements and it may have just been a case of higher awareness closer to the required threshold for lucidity.

- I don't know what the supposed illness JC had might have been in terms of symptoms, as I didn't notice anything specifically. Thematically, it all seemed to be a bit about the ability for someone else to understand the difficulties of some illnesses based on having their own experiences with an illness.

- Despite my low level of confidence in him and his own low level, the middle-aged hero persisted in his role. Heroism is not necessarily about bravery but sometimes maybe about the lack of freedom of choice? Plus, the role of a hero is not necessarily easy or by choice anyway? Many "heroes" the world have seen have been posthumously awarded the honour and in life were often not recognised. This dream as a whole had more themes about death (and life) than I realised or noticed at first: My friend's illness, implied to be lifelong; the exploded building with a subsequent explosion; the woman who jumped off trying to get away, knocking herself out; the hero who may face his doom, seemingly left with no choice; the bugs fighting their own wars, ignorant to a higher intelligence intent on destroying them all.
-- I feel that in the last few months I've had a lot of dreams relating to death and the state of post-death, sometimes very much in a "what if" way, all of it seemingly relating to my questions to myself about legacy (framed as: "should I die today, then...?").

30th October 2021

Scraps (DFLN):

Game-like world, lots of yellow sulphur colours. Some kind of secret level with giant spiders. I don't feel afraid but possibly a little anxious because of the overall situation; I feel pressured to get to the bottom quickly, there may be a timer or score. The spiders look like alternate versions of regular garden spiders (orb weavers, I think).

Some other bit, T is at a computer playing a game and I stab him from behind at the top of his back with two black steel arrows and then I quickly pull them back out. He doesn't seem to be in pain and has very little reaction to this. I'm doing this for his own good, not to kill him. I put pressure over the bleeding. This seems to take place at some kind of open but sheltered guard tower, in a castle or something?

Possibly still from that bit, some kind of trade hub town. It's blown up by a nuke thing at one point, and using time travel I find out it was bound to happen at 7PM. I find out circumstances are different from what I had expected, something about an army general.

24th October 2021

Scraps: Something about a planet and an RTS-like view. Before that, with a group of people.


27th October 2021

Scraps: I'm in a supermarket or such like and I am talking to someone about Guinness (the drink).


28th October 2021

Some in-line bracketed notes.

Fragment:

I'm outside, a green area, possibly a field in a rural area, sunny, bright, clear. (The location is realistic but the player characters are mostly as in-game, maybe perceived as slightly more realistic) There's a fairly large group of Horde players staging something over by slightly hilly corner of the field. I have an NPC forsaken rogue bodyguard, being a rogue myself, seeing in the usual third-person view.

The AI for my bodyguard isn't especially clever, but when I come out of stealth the NPC does support me a fair bit in a logical way. Most of the Horde players don't react to my ambushes; I repeatedly target priests and mages, focusing each one down. Most of my targets are forsaken themselves and are wearing T1 gear. I employ the usual rogue tactics, stealth, ambush, cloak of shadows, vanish. During the dream, I presume part of the reason they don't get at me in full force is some shock or surprise factor, with some awareness that their collective looked a bit too passive for that to be the reason. (Possibly an intrusion from some classic videos I remember from way back when, where people sometimes ignored fights or were AFK standing around etc.)

The last target is an enemy rogue who I have a small chase with and then end up using cheap shot and stun locking him to death in the dark cover of some bushes. (Think he was forsaken too)

An earlier bit; something in space. It's a mix of Master of Orion II and other space games which are 3D. Something about starting a new game and not being able to pick previous locations in the galaxy. I remember being able to see one of my previous ships or avatars travelling through space, in a distant system while in some kind of strategy view.