memorable

2nd February 2022

Fragment:

A bit like DSP, travelling to a mini water planet orbiting a larger regular planet. I remember trying to build something, though finding it difficult because of not having much terrain to build on initially. Throughout this dream I recall a nice sense of scale and somewhat strange proportions with regards to perspective.

Dream:

Statue of Liberty arriving in bits for assembly, in several barges/boats. There's a wait for more parts to arrive. Some narration describing what's going on? Some ships are taking more months than they should be taking at sea and others are ending up at nearby docks, but still distant from where they should actually be arriving at.

The pieces of the statue are all already turned green. I mostly see all of this from distant or aerial views. Then I see a giant zombie rising from the ocean. It/he isn't hostile but is reckless and sinks at least one ship that happens to be in his path. I vaguely see red glowing eyes?

Eventually the entire scale of the dream decreases and instead of a large New York bay, the scene is now a street or room, with no trace of water or having been wet. The zombie is here and is childlike, both in size and behaviour; he's trying to communicate in some way, but not with language, as he doesn't seem capable of it.

There's a living child nearby, not sure if a boy or a girl. This child is curious about the zombie and wants to interact or play with him but some nearby adults or parents are very apprehensive and worried about the zombie child and want to keep the living child away, despite the fact that the child doesn't seem frightened or anything.

The zombie child seems to have been able to communicate that he wants an engineer or electrician, for something to do with electricity.


5th February 2022

Fragment:

Something about having the key to the car and driving around. H is in the passenger seat and we go via some mountainous areas which makes H critique my driving, though I comment that he hasn't been a passenger in a while either. Point of view shifts a few times, between first person and aerial views? Something blends with sci-fi or space context.


Notes:

- All throughout the dream with the zombie, there was a very grungy, gritty and generally dark or overcast mood to everything. Everything felt desaturated apart from a few details like the red eyes and the green of the statue's plating.

- The zombie figure is very clearly lacking specific skills that relate to consciousness but seems to make up for them through keen intuitive and primal instincts with regards to communication. His intents were never clear from the start apart from the fact that there was no open hostility, just a sort of single-minded tunnel-vision.
-- There are some other clear elements of unconsciousness about the zombie character, such as the fact that he rises suddenly from the ocean, such as thoughts or images that cross the threshold of consciousness but that do not yet make themselves clear or which have their own nature.
-- The giant attribute made me feel a mix of excitement, arousal and concern, as has always been common for me with such themes, a lot of the time. The fact that the character was undead added to the element of concern.

- Through most of that dream, I felt mostly detached from everything, like I was mostly there as an observer, though in the second half of the dream I felt more present.

29th November 2021

Very abridged, many details weren't retained after waking; this was a brief lucid involving a false awakening and the lucid part felt continuous and lasting several minutes.

Dream:

I am out and about in a place like old home. Reminds me of 98 and I am with mom maybe, and a group of kids. It's some kind of school trip. (mom is here as a teacher?) I cross some foot bridge thing. It's sunny. I then go into a cafe or shop place, somewhat dark and unlit, except by the bounced light from outside. There are a few dream characters here, there's a counter of some kind on the left side and the place is deep-ish, being long and relatively narrow more than anything else.

I start hearing my thoughts and they are very present. My thoughts tell me I'm dreaming and I confirm this in some way by interacting in some specific way with the people. For some reason, I still feel self-conscious, or like it's impolite to do anything right away, excusing myself and eventually going outside again. My memory in the dream feels decent and I perceive all the visual details vividly but physical sensations are faint.

As I walk between two buildings, I start feeling some kind of arousal but successfully repress it. Instead of letting myself give in to an urge of making myself grow, I start trying to fly. Unable to fly, I am more leaping in large bounds of varying gravity each time. At some point I lose a bit of lucid awareness but I realise this and so I regain some clarity. Eventually I slip away into non-lucidness again and "wake up" falsely, into some other dream segment.

Then I am in a sofa bed with S; she seems needlessly concerned, anxious. This looks like the room me and H have stayed in, when I've visited my parents; it feels like old home, anyway. Thinking I'm actually awake, I try to ignore her a bit and I take my phone out to write down my dream, starting on some detail. But I stop because I'm interrupted by H, who's prompting me to get up as he comes into the room. We discuss something about our day coming ahead.

(recall gap?) Still in the same place, I am playing some game? Something about the original DOOM. Then I realise it's 3PM somehow, and wonder why or how it got so late, kind of in shock. But I don't dwell on it very long. (missed a perfect cue here)

(recall gap)

In some kind of ship, something about a fridge and some chemicals, including screenwash?

Notes:

- I mostly repressed the urge for growing because I always end up feeling like lucidity makes me want to do sexual things, which is fine, but at the same time I also want to focus on other things. Many times I've tried falling asleep with painting, or even art in general, in mind as a lucid objective just in case I ever do become lucid, since it's rare for me.

- After I became lucid, I have some recall that after the two buildings there was a cityscape past a dip (river?) but also a sort of digital-looking existence, like in some old 2000s 3D cartoons. There was something bizarre and unusual about the background, anyway, as well as some other kind of foot bridge.

- The manner in which I became lucid was unusual, not that I have a great deal of samples to compare with.

5th August 2021

Fragment:

(mostly the second half of a dream)

I'm arriving at an airport, supposedly in L. I'm with H. We walk in through a tunnel I think, like from a subway. We're approaching a check-in queue area. It's packed and it doesn't seem to be moving at all. There's a covid context but with relaxed rules, making me feel generally apprehensive.

This is on one of those upper tiers, though this dream location doesn't quite relate to any specific bit from waking life. There's sunlight at an angle, brightness and colour that makes it feel as implied early morning, just after sunrise. Seems like it would be hot but in the dream I have no recall/sensation of temperature.

Mom and dad are here at the queue. Mom is impatient and suggests to dad that he might use his airport credentials to hurry them through this. Dad doesn't want to, but he does start a conversation with the woman at the desk. She says that the airport suffered a virus attack a while ago and all the flight schedules are therefore inaccessible (among other problems?). Dad says something about how she could use pen and paper?

I think to myself that they really should have an on-site IT crew to deal with this sort of thing and that they should restore a physical backup to the system.

(gap and recall is fuzzy)

A few things happen while waiting around. At some point H isn't with me anymore.

Then I'm outside, it's night time now and I'm walking along some hangars, on a typical road that has a stone wall and forested area to the left. I feel I am going away from the airport. Three 1950s-ish cars, all black and kind of sportsy, go past. I make note of their headlights as they go past, with a pretty circular shape. The ground is wet? I end up walking through a residential area of sorts. It's more like overcast daytime now. After a short climb of cobble stairs or something, in a parking/loading area in front of a warehouse, I see three police officers and a police vehicle of some kind (a van?). They are fighting, two against on. Those two aren't real police officers, I feel, but I am not certain.

They're restraining the third officer, a woman with black hair and pony tail. All their outfits are completely blue apart from a bit on the back with POLICE written in English, in white letters. Uncertain that I'm doing the right thing, I spot a serrated knife with a wooden handle (like one from our WL kitchen) and I pick it up and sneak up to the officer restraining the woman. I stab the restrainer in the back, with a lot of force to be sure I can get through the body vest.

He falls over forwards and the woman gets away to the right, taking cover behind the police vehicle. The other fake policeman draws a gun and I hide/take cover behind the body. He shoots at me but hits the body a couple of times. On the ground is a Beretta, which I pick up. I wait for a moment and then come out of hiding from behind the body and shoot the fake police officer in the head, he looks surprised as he dies.

The woman urges me to get in the car with her. I do and we drive a short distance back to the residential bit. We talk and I tell her about the dodgy cars I saw earlier. I tell her the drivers had white racing helmets and seemed to be up to no good. We drive over two oncoming cars on a descending ramp bit. It was accidental but it all seemed fine actually. In the car, I'm trying to find more ammo, because I think that I only have eight bullets left. She can't manage to tell me where more ammo might be, but I get the impression there is none.

At a certain point we need to get out of the car. It's still wet, and raining now. There's a lot of water flowing through some cobbled part of the path and it looks like there's a bit that's in disrepair where the water is flowing into.

Eventually I start running, toward the airport area I'd originally come from. I pass the hangars. I see SWAT police reinforcements ahead of me. I get to a more open area and there are implied signs of a massive explosion (but not really) under a huge commercial jet. Some music like "New York" plays but New is replaced with Zoo. I look for survivors and am told by someone (a narrator?) that these two people on a corner, a mother and daughter are the only survivors, supposedly because they were under a blanket together at the time of the explosion.

The mother and daughter were implied to have been victims of incredibly horrible burns but when the blanket is removed they just look like those wooden mannequins artists use for reference, but they have stylised (and real somehow) eyes that move. The spherical and cubical wooden blocks that make up their bodies seem pristine.

I realise something about barrels and explosive atmosphere mixture and how nobody should have used firearms. I fall to my knees crying (and wake up shortly after, with leftover emotion).

Notes:

- In the dream I did not realise how odd it was that the mother and daughter looked like wooden mannequins but still felt like real people. After waking and recalling the dream, I think about how this could have something to do with how trauma is processed, but I find myself unable to relate to this specific experience in that sense.
-- This is one of several dreams recently where hard and pure geometric shapes have made an apperance. I am not certain why this is, though a week or two ago I returned to practising basic shape drawing, something I'd been lacking in and on the other hand, I recently read up on Platonic solids and something else related to that subject.

- Essentially there were two viruses in the dream context, Covid, and the computer virus.

31st July 2021

Fragment:

(chronology and order a bit messed up in recall)

I'm travelling through space back to Earth. I have to travel so far that it takes two hundred years to get back to Earth. It's implied I use some kind of cryogenic sleep and for me only moments seem to have passed between all the travelling. But I remember time spent during travel. At some point I fiddle on with a mini-disc player that can supposedly output video signal around the back. I have some frustrations with the player. I note that its model is an "MD-6" and recall that it looks a bit like a high end CD player we have in our bedroom in waking life.

This mini-disc player is on the floor and this bit looks a bit like my parents' old room. Where mom's study used to be, the enclosed balcony bit, is like a viewing area and I can see into space; it extends further than it would in waking life. There's a planet or two and a star, white? Space is pretty black and realistic in that sense of it.

I think about how mini-disc as a format wasn't meant for video output and understand that to be part of my frustrations with getting the unit to work (the way I want it to?). I don't recall a screen or what the video was anymore, but I do recall watching some of it.

(gap)

Some other part aboard the ship, talking to another crew member?

(gap)

When I get back to Earth, the year is 2400 or so. There are alien overlords of several species, dealing with unrest on Earth. I do not feel opposed to their presence, but I feel annoyed at all of it in general. One of the alien overlords is a giant and grey scaly creature, which I like the look of. Another one, whom I'm with in a semi-circle room with a glass dome, is a bit bigger than the average human and looks yellow and a bit chubby.

(gap)

I loop back to returning to Earth on the ship again. This time, by the time I'm back on Earth again, the year is 3500. Humanity is (apparently) incredibly advanced now. I am inside a structure, a latticed sphere building of some kind, which likely wouldn't work with conventional construction techniques, I feel. At the centre of this structure, there are platforms and some humans.

The humans are gene editing themselves, they look very different from how a human should. I remember some are much bigger and some look a bit stretched in some sense. There is some kind of weird mohawk fashion going on. I think I have some thoughts on this.

I feel annoyed again, about so much time having passed since I was last on Earth. I think about how they have all this technology and they didn't do anything about me needing to return to Earth with cryogenic sleep. I think I feel myself partly loathing them and partly feeling distant from them because I am essentially from the past.

15th July 2021

Fragment:

(recall going from later to earliest bit)

I'm walking with a group of people, one of them is JC from school. He's older, but otherwise looks how he used to, mostly. We're escorting a mech, a train of sorts which is depositing rails in front of itself as it goes? I've just been paid for half of my service on our current mission. I was given two glittering golden rocks (the "gold" doesn't quite look like actual gold but in the dream I don't become aware of this). One of them is not covered in this glittering gold.

The one that is completely covered in glittery gold, I hold in my right hand and crush as we walk. I see on the top right of my vision an interface element that displays that I was credited with 40 million credits. JC tells me the company actually recommends against doing this, especially without having finished the mission yet. I tell him "I don't care, my inventory is too full" and I think about how the group doesn't seem keen on waiting for me to sort this out, as evidenced by the fact that we're on the move.

(just before this)

I'm with JC wrapped in a sort of throw, it's grey and white. (I think like one I have at home in waking life) There's a very serious Covid context, though I'm not worried about it. R, also from school around the same time as JC, is not too far from us, she's some sort of inventory or cataloguing person? She's wearing a labcoat, which when I first see her makes me do a RC by counting the fingers on my right hand, though my RC fails to pass, for one thing because the count was correct and for another because I didn't question it further because of the social situation.

Me and JC are a distance away just sitting here basically. R tells us that we have to wait for this shipment of cloth or something. I think I check the order details myself, either on an interface element or some nearby physical interface. Unfortunately, we still reach the conclusion that this is the best option. I was considering trying to change the order to something else that would still be suitable but delivered quicker. Any other option is noted to have an even longer lead time on production.

R chit chats, saying she's surprised that "you two idiots are still around", as if she expected to never see us again in life. I tell her in jest "dad always says there are always idiots around; I guess that happens to be here" or something to this effect. She's amused in some way but still thinks the same of us, I don't find myself thinking about it much further one way or another. Me and JC sort of become melded with each other as we're sat here, waiting in the bundled throw. R is very strict about viral control, but I don't recall in what way. She partly looks like an Asian woman in her thirties more so than herself really (probably a dream attempt at making her appear a more chronologically correct age).

Then there's a drone of some kind. It's scanning the local area and I ask R about it, "is it a geological survey drone?" but she doesn't reply, not ignoring me, but as if I never said anything. I get up and follow the drone around for a bit, the view swaps from first to third person and back again a few times. I follow it to a site not too far, a beach of some kind and it goes into a receptacle that changes shape mechanically, as it receives the drone. Then, from the sea a train sort of surfaces from the water, it all looks very Japanese "Mecha" style. (This is where the first bit of recall started)

(there was more recall from earlier parts but they faded and other details were lost, it was a long dream)

---

Notes:

- This is the most recent time I've actually done a reality check whilst dreaming, which goes beyond just thinking about it, but because of the social context at hand I became distracted far too easily from really questioning reality. Even so, with the previous DJ entry, that's two times recently compared to not very often, if at all, in the last months.
-- I am realising now that this may be an issue with my artificial dream sign, by its nature it's more likely to include a distracting social context. I should think further on this. In addition to that, I think it's ironic on some level I decided to do a hand RC when it isn't necessarily my preferred way of checking anymore. If I could go back into this dream and change my approach, I would instead have stopped and thought about what I was doing and where I was; after all, how could I be meeting people I knew years ago but haven't seen since, for no reason at all? Not just one of them, but two of them at the same time, along with other suspicious dream qualities.

- The dream had a bit of a feel of MHW and Dark Souls there at the end.

- There was something "desaturated" about all of the dream's location. Like there was a faintly yellow mist and there was no sky to speak of exactly, just this mist. No memory of shadows really, defined or undefined.

17th June 2021

Mostly going from end to start.

Dream (DFLN):

I'm in a city, I'm walking outside with MoonageDaydream, HumbleDreamer and another woman that I don't recognise or recall anymore.

The dream ends when we are walking down a hill on a paved bit. It's cobbles and it mostly follows the hill but becomes stairs at some points where there's too much incline. Just before, I'm thinking out loud about how it reminds me of my native country, thinking that it looks to have more buildings however. I am beside the unknown woman, possibly slightly from behind and touching her shoulders, "It's funny, I don't remember getting here" and then I look at my right hand and begin counting the fingers from the back. The count seems normal at a glance but I feel self-conscious trying this RC in public. I think about M/M themes in this city but nothing manifests or changes.

It's about near sunset and there's a sea visible from this hill. I start thinking about an airport and the name of the town, feeling dumb for not remembering and then I wake up.

Just before this part, the four of us were crossing a road. It's a busy place and there are loads of people (or so it feels). We're somewhere in the USA supposedly and people are generally amused by my presence, seeming to think I'm British despite having no such accent. We have just come out of a store and as we cross this road with crossing island, I think about how there's Covid but nobody is wearing any face coverings. I also think to myself about how I've had my first jab, on my right art. (In reality I haven't yet)

HumbleDreamer seems moody or perhaps overly serious for most of the walking around, but he doesn't really act that way. I am afraid that I have done something to upset him. At one point he says he got here from France and there's a segment where he's making a video for YouTube in a mostly white room, I forget what about.

Back to the store, it's like an airport shop come to think of it. It's very generic and enclosed, at the end of a corridor. People interact with me and the group and this is the main reason I end up thinking about Covid. The person behind the till, a white middle-aged American woman, with short hair, kisses my hand or something and another woman offers a bite of a pizza slice to the group but we decline politely. Just before we get to the till, I'm talking to the unknown woman about snacks and such and how they're much cheaper here, because we saw a vending machine in the corridor leading to the shop. It's dark in the corridor except for some strong hue lights, reds and greens mostly. The drinks are like little cartons of apple juice and so on and cost about thirty cents, making me think I could buy about three or four versus the cost that I'm used to. The snacks are mostly potato stuff.

We talk about how there's not a lot of importing around here, for some reason.

Before the corridor and some dark halls, we are in a church yard of some kind. It's all mostly paved, gritty or gravel. There's a dry fountain in the middle, made of stone? It's MoonageDaydream's school workplace apparently. We came all the way here from wherever we came from to give her a donation, but I'd forgotten my hundred and twenty five dollars that I was to give her. I fear the group is disappointed with me but suspect MoonageDaydream is fine with it. I decide to give it to her as soon as I can.

The church/school building itself is very grey and looks a bit like Gaudi's style, very bulbous and round shapes and some mini spires. I remark on this and comment on how it must be Spanish in origin, therefore. The outside of the building has a render made up with large smooth stones that can fit in a hand's palm. I talk about the building style with the group but I don't recall their comments.

There was more recall but I felt too tired writing my initial notes.

---

Notes:

- When I woke up, I thought about how some of my conclusions during the dream were a bit hasty and I thought about how I could have become lucid at the end.
-- In a way, it's unusual that I thought about how I got there, I just found myself trying to think of the trip there and the airport and finding I couldn't remember, partly attributing it to tiredness from the trip.

- Unlike the other dream where I'd only heard MoonageDaydream, in this dream I could see her and HumbleDreamer clearly. Their details as characters seemed accurate to how I remember their profile pictures here.

27th January 2021:

Fragment:

Night time. Some part in a house. Mom and her friend MJ? Something taking S out for a walk. (recall gap) At the house door, I'm in bare feet. S is outside and a bit "on the loose". She's three times her normal size, making her bigger than a lion. Her body shape seems elongated?

From my position standing in the doorway, I see a German Shepherd approach with a man from the left and become concerned the dogs will fight. The GS first comes up to me and licks my face and generally wants attention. This part feels very vivid and real.

Then the dogs spot each other and get fighty. I am reluctant to go out with bare feet to deal with this but S just comes up to the GS and I then try and hold her by her collar, though her size is making it difficult.

(Think I woke up, it was early. I remember thinking I didn't want to bother writing notes yet and that I would try and simply recall the dream later. At this point I remember thinking about my switch in the way Occipitalred suggested. I remember the positions accurately and feel them mentally, toggling it a couple of times there.)

Semi-Lucid Fragment:

I'm outdoors somewhere? Night time still. I remember old school mates and friends. MB is here too. Me and my friends get into a sort of pretend game with real guns, fighting each other. I see an RPG launcher and grab it, everyone becomes afraid of me, except MB, kind of. I shoot a few rockets at him, they sort of just bounce off instead of exploding but they hurt him anyway. I try to really kill him, as I remember on some level what he represents.

Later I'm in some kind of office-like place with H and I remember we had been having fun and I'm naked and have fluids on me. But as I'm walking somewhere to get myself clean in the dark, I become semi-lucid. I simply know I'm dreaming and realise I don't need to do any such thing such as cleaning myself. I try to will the mess away but it doesn't happen and I conclude it doesn't matter. I step over on to desks and over cubicle separators and despite the darkness I feel I can move around easily. I feel a level of energy that I have rarely known in waking life, and notice no pain. But lucidity eventually fades.

(Recall is poor, I think because after this I continued dreaming and being asleep and the level of awareness dropped. I think this was kind of a WBTB but somewhat delayed. This dream felt like it was the start of being asleep again, anyway. My level of awareness and overall lucidity was somewhat poor.)

Fragment:

Something about a challenge involving putting on the one ring? Not sure if this was a dream or a thought while awake at some point. No clear visuals.

Dream:

A dentist's office of sorts, but seems built into a larger hospital. Doctor Cameron from "House" is here and she's here for an appointment. The dentist is a female of similar age and build, different hair and face.

They are discussing some sort of serious treatment option. Cameron has forgotten part of what had happened last time she was on the chair. The dentist then suggests letting Cameron hear the audio log.

Cameron is definitely distraught about what happened and the fact that she can't remember it at all. The dentist says that she can hear the tape when they both go over to Cameron's friends' place, which is implied by context of tapes and something else that it will be mine/H's place. Cameron tells her that she's gay and implies she'd like to hook up with her before coming over to our place or something.

17th January 2021

In bed, at about 3 AM whilst trying to fall asleep. During the whole thing I noticed my heart rate was higher than it would normally be at rest. Dialogue as close to original as I can recall and notes are in-line and unbracketed.

Not a dream and conscious with my eyes closed:

I start to think about wanting to be lucid and then wanting to look for the black lizard.

I hear the voice of Data and find myself seeing I'm on the bridge of the Enterprise, the one that's his contemporary. It's a bit clear at first visually. I have encountered Data other times in my head recently. For some reason he seems to encourage my conscious control and mastery of the sub-conscious and wishes to serve me.

Data: "Hello, may I call you captain?"

Me: "Hello. Yes, you may."

Data: "Will you accompany me to the turbolift sir?"

Me: "Yes, why?"

I find my own voice comes out naturally as if it was Picard's; I eventually try to alter this but with little success. Whenever Data speaks, half of it feels like it's being controlled by me, resulting in strange dialogue, but otherwise it feels detached from my ego.

Data: "I'd like to show you to the bridge; the battle bridge; no, the dream bridge."

Me: "The dream bridge?"

The visuals are muddy and too much like as seen in the show for my liking and I try to taste the walls, I try to feel where I'm walking and touching the railings and so on. It doesn't improve the visuals, but there is a feel of being in the place. We get on the turbolift and then find ourselves on a similar version of the bridge we were just in but it has a different feel. I see the large screen and the unmanned bridge.

Data: "Yes sir. The dream bridge will allow you dream control if you so desire."

Me: "How does it work?"

Data: "It allows you to scroll; view, pre-view, select, choose and so on. As in your childhood sir, it works the same way."

I understand what Data is referring to as being my pre-sleep lucid experiences from when I was much younger but this is somewhat different, more elaborate. I have an intuitive feel of how it's going to work but don't fully understand and the unclear visuals make it difficult to manipulate anything. I sit on a version of the captain's chair on this bridge. I feel the chair, just. There is some kind of controllable trackball I instinctively conjure on the right arm of the chair. I try to use and feel it for scrolling.

Me: "If I have any further questions, I will call on you, that will do for now. Goodbye Mr. Data."

Data says goodbye politely and I lose awareness of his presence as if he is completely gone. I try and use what's available to try to look through potential dreams. It doesn't work very well or as I expect. But one scene does pre-view better on the large screen, a M/M themed scene that plays itself out. But from there I don't know how to progress. I try to visualise more but it doesn't really work and visuals in general remained poor or unclear.

The rest of the dialogue recall is too vague now, and I recall calling out to Data a couple of times and he would appear every single time I called him, and disappear whenever we said goodbye to each other. The computer would talk to me as well if I started a sentence by saying "Computer," but for the most part it was useless, probably because of how in the show I perceive the ship's computer as having no intelligence, a feature that Data, even as a character in my head, exhibits very well.

I have found the experience to be somewhat odd; although a lizard character has tried to (aggressively) promote my ego's control and confidence, Data as a character is seemingly trying to promote control and mastery but in a very loose and passive way, allowing me to explore at my own pace for the most part and actively trying to teach me things. I think what has surprised me is the fact that these characters are not at the ego level but they are promoting it and basically siding with the ego.

Data seemingly has loyalty for me as he would indeed for the captain on the Enterprise. For a couple of nights now I have thought about trying to remember what those pre-sleep experiences from my childhood felt like, so this whole thing has felt like a following of that and the theme may be because we've been watching the show again, although this was unexpected.

The rest of the recall is lost but I was awake for a while longer after this.

7th December 2020

Very fragmented:

Me and H were getting some pipes out of an organ. It was a rank supposedly, but actually it can't have been more than an octave.

Pipes were semi-stopped? With some blue felt inside the top to achieve this.

Some other bit, something about water in a container; it looks odd inside. I drink some (why?) but it has weird fibres floating in it. I try to search online about it.

But then we pour the water out on the floor and it's revealed that the fibres were half parasite things; they moved but incredibly slowly. Later I sweat them out through my thighs and I decide to use a H2O2 spray to kill them all and almost bathe myself in it too so it soaks into me and kills any remaining inside my body. I have doubts about what I'm doing and what is going on.

At a mansion place, I'm with my family here. We're guests to some friend of dad. I remember paintings hanging on the walls. There are stone or white wood ballustrades and there's no ceiling or it's made of glass. The host eventually becomes very surprised when he learns (from a servant?) how much it had cost him to accommodate all of us here.

An unknown man comes in, he's wearing a dulled red jumpsuit. He is a thief, I quickly observe but I allow him to continue and I say nothing. I do not dislike our host but yet I allow this thief to steal from him.

But when he tries to steal a painting with strange colouring patterns on it, with the figure of a woman in a white-ish dress, I let him get away with it for a while before I start following him. I follow him into a corridor and jump on him and tell him he absolutely cannot take this painting because it's special to me. I think I'm angry? I ask him to take anything else except for this painting. I tell him that there are many other paintings in this big house and that many are by famous artists and can fetch far better prices on a black market.

I have some feeling the painting is about my cousin T, but there was nothing identifiable on it that would indicate this. The visual recall is too vague.

Then, we're all leaving. I am more wary about the thief now but allow him to continue with his subtleties. I see mom and my sibling T and three others from the family, squeezed inside a white or silver Peugeot. I don't notice which is side the driver is on. I try to find the car I'm supposed to get in, but I can't find it.

Eventually I'm just walking around a town with dad and some more family. It's sunny, with a few clouds. Distant mountains kind of like where I live now, but sharper contours? But otherwise the area looks more like my native country even though it is a dream-generated place. In the distance I also see a thin but very tall smoke stack.

Dad tells me this stack is for the purpose of "releasing the excess gas from the dormant volcano", and he refers to the volcano by name but I lost the recall of that name.

We all cross a street at a crossing, except dad, who goes into an open manhole, with a warm orange glow coming out of it. I look in and there's a vertical climbing pole at the centre of it and it seems to go down a very long way, it's bright inside but a saturated orange dominates. I tell the rest I'll lag behind so that dad can catch up with us. I am across the road and there's some kind of cafe on this side. The rest of the family go in and through the cafe and out again on another side.

(recall gap)

Mix of several RPGs and reality. I kill a mob pack referencing something to Lord of the Rings. A unique and unidentified teal rarity ring drops and there's some kind of interface overlay even though I'm in first person.

It's some kind of occult void ring. It distorts reality around it and I put it on, on my right hand I think. I'm in a room with pews, gothic windows and some kind of statues too maybe. Everything becomes dark except outside through the windows still seems bright, if dull. There's some kind of wind that I can't feel, but can see. Objects like the pews leave a trailing ghostly effect, with a dark, dark red after-shadow-image.

I go to a piano. I realise there's two time limits now that I see at a top/central position of some UI. I was supposed to do something on the piano and don't manage to open some kind of secret passage in time.

Then there's a cutscene about an ogre and a witch. There's animosity between the characters and there's an extreme distance between the two. Some dialogues? He loses all the will he had to kill her for some reason but still he rampages forward. While watching, I make note of the fact that there's some gold piled up in the side of some rooms as the ogre goes through these large underground gothic halls.

---

Notes:

- The ogre and the witch were very stereotypical in their representations.

- The woman's painting had a dark background that contrasted her brighter dress. The painting had a rainbow-like spotty pattern all over it, like light scattering or something. It's similar to an idea I've had for painting but I haven't been able to attempt it properly.

- Before falling asleep, I tried doing this active imagination thing and I remember getting a bit lost or carried away in it, especially as it made me get closer to falling asleep.

- The smoke stack is like one where I live but it was taller than that; I'm not sure what the volcano thing could be about.

9th November 2020

Initial note: Some parts of the dream were clearly about having to get ready in the morning but other parts felt more random. I didn't sleep through the whole night, having struggled to fall asleep and to stay asleep for most of the night, but only recalled the morning dream.

Dream:

The entirety of the dream takes place in what seems to be a subway and in some parts there's a feel of it being mixed with the layout of my old home.

I remember being naked and at one point there's some kind of mini game thing happening and

Spoiler for semi-graphic:

eggs are appearing like pickups would in a game, on the floor; I have to grab these eggs, about the size of a regular hen's eggs and put them in my vagina before they hatch by themselves, but apart from that I note that I am male. None of this makes me question reality and whenever I put one of these sort of off-green coloured eggs inside myself, they get pushed back out some moments later, feeling quite nice but with a somewhat "raw" sensation, on the edge of being an uncomfortable sensation.

And then the egg thing would hatch and a prize would come out of it, like a kinder-egg prize toy or something, but the prizes were completely random. As I kept doing this, things like bathroom spray cleaner bottles and other mundane objects would be "spawned" by the hatched eggs I was using. I think to myself very clearly "wow, it's almost like magic, but how do the companies make them appear as if they spawn from thin air from these comparatively very small eggs?" I add to the irony of this by then thinking "it must be some kind of quantum gateway tunnelling, I think", completely missing the cue.

Then I remember getting dressed with my usual clothes, the ones I'd be wearing today basically. I don't remember putting socks on but I know I hadn't put on a top just yet. I recall an escalator which I go down on, it goes a long way forward and not very far down so it has a very small degree of elevation per step. The subway area itself is very much like the ones I've been used to from my old home area but far more vast and of incredible depth/height. For a while I'm the only person in the entire place.

Then I hear dad calling for me and telling me about how we had to get on with it and get ready. (prior to this whole dream I had a waking moment where I had checked the time and it was still more than an hour's time away from my alarm going off) Mom is also here now and she's telling me about how T lost his citizen's card/ID in the subway just recently. I comment that I couldn't possibly lose something like that out of my wallet because it's all stuffed in quite tightly.

Dad seems disappointed that we (me and T or me and H?) weren't ready sooner, but I tell him it's not even 8AM yet and he doesn't really change his tune, insistent that we should be more prepared or something to that effect.

My recall faded a bit but eventually I had to go back to get a hoodie and I'm trying to not get lost in what seems to be an Escher-like maze quality that the subway seems to have. The entire underground area is very well lit but I'm left with an impression of darkness and recall the construction was primarily concrete, so it felt like a recent or cheap construction.

I recall that at some point, there were some more particular things that had hatched from my eggs; one was a bony black creature with wings, like a dragon, but not. It had a frayed look, worn. At first I genuinely thought it was a toy because it started out inanimate and in a sort of fetal position? But when it started moving around I began to hope it wouldn't cause any chaos or mayhem while we were away for work today (pre-lucid thought).

Another peculiar item that spawned from the eggs was a very authentic/official looking piece of scrap paper telling a military person who he should be looking at and what he should be doing when activating a nuclear arsenal. The paper had Spanish writing but it was mostly in English. The other military person mentioned was a "Dahlia" something or other, of an enlisted rank (sergeant comes to mind?).

At the top of this thick paper were two groups of Hebrew or Jewish 6-point stars and taking up the right half of the document were some watermarked bald-eagles or something, but the paper was torn around this area. I couldn't make up my mind on where this document could possibly originate from, thinking about Mexico, the USA, Israel and other places. But I remember being amazed by the document and trying to tell H about it in the dream.

---

Notes:

- In the dream, I don't recall any of the "subway" area actually having any rail tracks. It just had the same feel as some stations I've been in, but on a bigger scale. I never did reach a terminal at any point in the dream, nor did I see any trams/trains. The whole place was very bare. Although subways used to be a common dream sign for me, they rarely feature quite as much as they used to a few years ago, probably since I don't use them currently.

- Apart from how it felt physically, there was nothing particularly sexual about the mini-game thing.

- I think part of what brought about the small dragon-like creature was the fact that H's cat had to have some emergency care very recently and so was looking quite "patchy" and ruffled when I saw a picture.

- Part of what brought about the very peculiar military document was probably because I was reading about colonising of the Americas in general last night and also looking at different maps about the subject. Dahl and its variations is a name I find interesting but apart from the similarly named Borderlands fictional military-arms company, I'm not sure what would have prompted a character to be called Dahlia in one of my dreams, but it's not the first time a random word has been put together.

- Although I don't recall what it was anymore, something did happen if I didn't use the eggs and just allowed them to hatch by themselves and from my perception (with it being a mini-game of some sort) this was "bad".

- At the time of this dream I had recently been speaking to a transgender friend of mine, whom I hadn't spoken to for quite some time.

19th October 2020

Fragment:

I was helping H. There was some kind of old lottery machine thing which we'd salvaged, but it had stops like an organ, almost 100 of them even though only about 50 were required. (Think that was dream intuitive knowledge)

But as H put in a dowel thing for a stop, a wasp came out (but not really, it looked like a midge) and it bit or stung him. I suggested they might all be infested and we might be better off making all of them ourselves (the stops I think) but I think H found this to be frustrating.

---

20th October 2020

Dream:

I was in Syria, Egypt or a country near these. I was at a USA military camp. Not sure how I got there in the dream but I remember it was in a valley. From the camp I could see in the distance steep, dusty, rocky mountain peaks. Toward one direction was a city of some kind on a sloped area.

It looked more like ruins or slums and I could see flags. They were black with white Arabic script on them, but also a stylised animal trailing off the script too. This area looked vast.

In the camp, I remember hearing some soldiers saying that all new troops coming in were being parachuted instead of coming in a ground march. Apparently it'd been this way since some incident with one soldier (there was a name but can't recall) where he'd been surrounded and ganged up on (by whom?).

There was a female soldier sitting and listening. She had fake blonde hair tied up in a short pony tail. She looked worried and I realised on some level she was thinking of what I'd already thought of. If this place was a valley and the camp was surrounded by mountains and refugee camps and ruins, how would all the soldiers return home?

(recall gap)

Inside some hospital. Looks normal/clean. Similar in some sense to the one in the town where I live now. Again, somewhat vast inside. There's some kind of fighting going on but it seems like it's day-to-day business here. The fighting was happening on some other level, a basement? And there was some kind of mini plot about someone being injured and having to be carried away stealthily because he wasn't local.

(recall gap)

Commanders or captains. Some discussion about charging some kind of portal in a low basement level. Something about hearing reports of the portal's destination being in the Earth's core and really hot, rocky, red and black and also impossibly flat. Some soldiers openly said they didn't want to go or something.

(recall gap)

Inside some place, still the hospital I think. Mostly sitting on the floor? By a window, it's like a cafe or something this part. Someone tells me about being able to buy things. There are items along the sill and the prices are displayed on folded pieces of card/paper like mini billboard things. Some items were puddings and others were weapons and just random crap in general.

I remember wanting some kind of dried out mousse thing, it cost 1.50. It was chocolate-y in taste and looked slightly purple but at first it just looked like a candle. (mom used to have some purple candles that smelled nice, only remembering this now)

(recall gap)

In the downstairs place. But looked like a warehouse area with certain bits having skylights or something. There were robots and now I had some kind of level-up system and there was another system that meant I could get upgrades from scavenged parts from the robots. I remember trying to create a new fully fledged robot. They were all about 3-6m tall.

---

Notes:

- The second dream was odd. The theme of war hasn't really appeared so directly or about a real context so clearly very much in the past. The dream setting and environment all had a very genuine feel to it. There was a certain amount of thematic consistency to the dream plots, for the most part.
- The black flags with white script seem to remind me of certain terrorist/rebel groups in waking life, but in the dream they were just the flag of the nation of this place. I think the animal on the flag was a lion. The American army seemed to be there mostly to provide some sort of logistical support to the ruined city/region. But obviously there was still some kind of animosity and fighting going on, but I remember no mention of who "the enemy" actually was.

- In the hospital I didn't note anyone wearing any medical equipment or the like.

I thought I was missing a dream... It seems I skipped an older DJ entry by accident...

12th August 2020

8:30

Dream:

(points) Something about furry art. A kitchen, on-board a boat. Fancied two girls who were aboard. They were flirty? But they didn't know about one another.

I was in some open restaurant area. I wanted soup from some famous female cook? I remember running in my home town. It was busy. I saw a motorised unicycle of some kind with a white paint job; I thought it looked kind of cool and I thought about how someday it would look out of place, outdated and silly. It was night time and I had to sprint my best (didn't feel dream slowness too much) to get to a harbour that was where the exit ramp out of town should be. From there, this cruise ship was leaving and I knew this because of its horn which I heard while running. I didn't want to miss it.

I got to the loading ramp just as it was leaving and made a jump for it. It was a bare miss from my mark, plunging into water and grabbing onto a rear steering fin.

From there I thought of calling someone (JC?, but the character or my old friend?) on the ship to bring me a rope. Then thought of just using a teleport command instead. No, instead I decided I could do this by myself and balanced on top of the steering fin and despite the water and speed, jumped forward and got on the deck.

I got in through some doorway, watching my head. Passing thought of "so what if I fancy both of them?". I go down some steep metal or wood steps and I see her, one of these girls whom I apparently fancied. She was taking off some clothes in order to get changed. She had red briefs, a blood red colour.

I remember we both smiled at each other but didn't speak. I had the awareness of having a glazed clay bowl in my hand and wanting some soup. There was a kitchen ahead through another bulkhead doorway. When I got inside the kitchen, there were two aggressive dream characters sort of accosting me. I forget who they were or looked like, but they were like pirates?

Insistently I told them I would pay them to be left alone while I was in here. They thought I had nothing of value (mocked me?) and I remember scrounging through my pocket. Dozens of coins, I shove them at the two "pirates", the coins aren't nearly as valuable as I'd first expected however. I keep looking through my pockets. A stone? No, an ore nugget of sorts. It feels rough and I give it to them. It was a nugget of gold, but in reality the feel of it was more like a piece of pyrite ore like one I have in waking life.

But I still decided this wasn't enough and somehow gave them something else but I don't remember what it was. They are now dumbfounded and agree to my terms now. Their aggression goes away, pretty much, and now I walk around the kitchen and see a very orange-y styled chest freezer, with pictures of garfield on it. I assume this is some BL ice cream thing A started.

I remember going near a counter at the end of a queue bit, effectively bypassing said queue. But I felt as though I'd earned it with my payments to the "pirates". I still want that soup, but I can't or don't manage to find any?

The next thing I remember, a black chef is getting fired and complaining that he was in a good mood and the head chef ruined it all and so on. I remember very shortly after, reading a review online that this chef left about the restaurant, saying very poor things about the crew or something. I feel that it's in bad taste (but feel some sympathy). Then I'm in an upper deck. Mix of a train and airplane aisle? Windows to the outside. It's day-time and some people are sitting in this cabin-like bit by the windows. A white girl says "I was pinning (some artist)", referring to how she was subscribing to this artist on some platform called "pin.it"?

We're talking about furry artists, apparently. She mentions she feels embarrassed for talking about it out loud. A big black man sitting next to her, gives her some reassurance and tells her he actually had some interest in that same artist too.

I forget what else happened, a lot of detail is absent from this DJ entry overall but I had a lot more recall of the dream initially.

Some other bit about a base, partially in space? With technical-looking game block tiles and an ancient Egyptian ruin? Some overlap with the pirates somehow...

---

Original note:

- On waking I could smell the curry I'd left on a timer to start cooking at 7AM. The cookery related part of the dream may well have stemmed from that and from all the preparation I'd done for it last night. I also made a dessert, leaving the curry, the main course, to effectively cook overnight. In the dream, I was looking for a soup, which to me is traditionally a starting course.

Added notes:

- Quite likely the search for the soup was both a metaphor and a more literal desire at the same time. In the literal sense, a true full meal, to me, should include a starter such as a small soup, a main course, with meat or fish, and a dessert course, such as a sweet pudding of some kind and the meal we would be having the day of the dream would be missing this starter course. In the less literal sense, this food-related dream-plot goes back to old roots and to what I was used to having at meal times for a large part of my early life, so it seems somewhat nostalgic in a sense. I could extrapolate more meaning from this but these are the two most immediately relevant meanings to me.

- The more carnal aspects about relationships on this dream maybe just came about as a coincidence with the food plot, since food and sex are supposedly pretty close in the brain, that's what makes sense in my mind anyway. But the two girls were also distinct in some way that I can't remember anymore (one may have been more open and the other more reserved and other such dualities?), so in the more metaphorical sense they are probably just relating directly to some aspects of myself, not to mention that at the time I was working on developing two characters that had a similar nature of duality between them.

4th August 2020 ~11:30

Dream:

Near the end of a stupidly long non-lucid part; I was falling through a pipe, I was with a squad to take something out in a facility. But then as I was falling, everything seemed still.

I was in a void of sorts and time seemed to pass slower, the others were still here with me. It felt like being in water, and there was a similar visual effect. The squad leader, turned to me and said "you must pick the right one this time!" and I suddenly saw a vision of who to pick.

Then I was in a room. There were three guardians and some other characters. I picked the one from my vision. It was true that it was the start of a cycle that I was now breaking, at the start of this long non-lucid part I was in a very similar situation.

But this time I had picked "correctly". As a result, my consciousness shifted, I was now the guardian I'd picked. I noticed my hands, I had three fingers and one thumb. I became lucid but it came slowly, not like in the past.

There was no "aha!" moment or sudden shift. I realised I was in a version of my mom's first office room. The characters were gone, I think; and to confirm my lucidity further I grabbed a metal shelving unit in the room and threw it through a wall, fully expecting it to go through as if it were a ghost, and it did!

I wasn't sure what I wanted to do, since I hadn't fully expect to be lucid. I decided to indulge in one of my fantasies and decided to become a giant anthropomorphic lizard. It sort of worked... I saw myself in third person, wearing a labcoat (my artificial dream sign) as an anthro lizard. But I wanted to be myself in first person, I get tired of seeing things in third person in dreams and so I willed it and then was myself as the lizard. I looked down and saw the city-sprawl below me. I had reptilian-like feet with claws and I could see I had an emerald green skin but it was not as dark as I wanted. I tried to give myself different sexual features but it didn't work either.

I was happy enough the transformation worked in the basic sense in any case and started to have some fun by putting myself against the ground and sort of rubbing along it for lack of better words. I paused and checked my hands again, just having a good look at them. They were hardly as scaly as I'd expected and this felt disappointing but I carried on. I remember noticing the atmosphere effect but oddly enough when I was standing I didn't notice the curvature effect of the planet. I was big enough that I should have been able to notice it.

While the terrain did get sort of crunched/destroyed/etc by whatever I did, I wasn't able to see the cities in any great amount of detail and could not notice any mountains either. I was too big I suppose. I could feel my tail at several points but overall the feel of my body was mostly whole/complete.

Spoiler for Self-indulged arousal:

Still, I let myself get aroused by my fantasy and didn't try to change this fact and eventually just started pleasuring myself. Somehow it didn't take much to get to orgasm and it was very oddly and easily controlled, even though its effect was not quite what I'd expect. The physical sensations were mostly accurate and I enjoyed controlling them.

After this self-indulging, I realised the city/landscape I'd been having fun on and with was really just a square section in a rather large room. At the edges, the atmosphere effect sort of cut off, it was interesting.

I was standing up and looked around the room for the first time; lots of metal pipes and dark metal things, like grates and slits where some natural light came through from. It had an extremely industrial look. As I looked around I still felt that I was very big, but the room's scale made me feel smaller in a sense, despite how much room I took.

My lucidity was fading a little and I'd become a bit bored, I didn't expect to end my fantasy so soon but this was obviously the result of not pre-planning any of this. I saw a character less than half my size, by a sewer-tunnel looking bit. I approached, I asked him "Who are you?", quite curious about this metal-flesh sort of monster, the look only describable as being drawn from many such archetypes.

He gave me a reply veiled in mystery, that I cannot recall anymore, but he did not answer my question in its most basic form and I didn't think of asking again. I got bored of him and decided he was quoting from something, but I forget what he was saying, unfortunately.

I looked around again. This felt so different from my previous lucid experiences. I was calm, and it didn't take much effort to be calm; the dream was far less vivid and detailed than other lucids and indeed even less than some non-lucids, but I appreciated this moment. I enjoyed not feeling my daily pain.

Then, out of nowhere, I heard a deep echoing voice. It told me "You must kill your brother, remember?". Some less conscious part of me, replied automatically "I know, I know! But not now." Before I could add anything of my own will, the voice spoke again to the effect of "Very well, he shall be kept alive for now." The voice faded completely and I simply finished by again automatically saying "Good."

I didn't appreciate this family-related intrusion into my lucidity but realised it was from a deeper part and so didn't really wish to alter it.

My lucidity may have been fading again but I decided to simply explore these strange halls, carelessly stepping over that square world I'd been playing with earlier and heading for a doorway on the opposite corner from where I was. There were many artificial warm light accents around the metal halls. I eventually found myself on a gantry bit and there were random people both there and on a lower tier. I played around with some telekinesis on some red and blue barrels, trying to lob them but doing so poorly at first. I started to gain a more intuitive understanding as I did it but it did not feel as "mentally driven" as I'd expected, having to move my hands a fair bit.

My form had been consistent through my lucidity, I still had reptilian traits and my hands were clawed now, I recall. A random human character next to me looked up to me and said "Don't throw them with your arms like a real barrel." Or something like that. I understood from this to use hand motions more. I tried lifting a barrel and pulling it toward me, having done so too much and then pushing it forward a little more with some related hand motions.

I tried to hit a person in the lower tier with the barrel but it didn't quite work or something. Then I went down some stairs. I was in a mall area and my lucidity was fading but not gone. A dream character was upset with me, he was some manager for the mall. "You're ruining everything with your lucidity!" He said, or something.

He was extremely upset that I was doing whatever I pleased. There was a woman nearby I'd somehow gotten fired or something (but she was all the more happy about it) and the man became angry and he wanted to have a serious go at me now. But I somehow just turned it against him, kind of willing some help from the woman and she automatically started defending me, distracting the manager man. I was no longer lucid at this point and had been letting myself go along with the dream too much. Eventually I just woke up.

---

Edit:

Spoiler for Notes (in spoiler due to their length):

- Because I wasn't expecting to have a lucid dream so spontaneously, the whole journey through lucidity felt a little bit premature even as I was dreaming; part of my reason for continuing to do checks even while lucid was because I was having trouble believing I was indeed lucid but with such a different (lower) vividness compared to previous experiences. Ideally I need to create some scripts for "episodes" of what I'd like to do in future lucid dreams.

- The most prominent sub-conscious threshold crossing was definitely the part with the echoing voice. I felt myself speak in reply in a way I've never really felt myself speak before, where the feeling of what I was saying wasn't "mine" in the sense of my lucid awareness. The voice referred to the death of one of my older siblings (T); this has a context as far as I can tell, as I used to have dreams both about T dying and about me murdering him, when I was much younger, in my early teens I think. I have of course thought about those old dreams many times, but they had not recently been consciously present in my mind, so this experience was really quite interesting, but I am not too interested in putting any special meaning into it for the time being; I would rather let it manifest itself (the voice or context) again in the future and simply see where it wants to go.

- In the dream I did not appreciate this intrusion mostly because I prefer to keep family-related thoughts separate from personal indulgences and so on, in good part because of personal experience in waking life of finding it annoying. On the other hand, I did not wish to dismiss anything forcibly since I know that can be counter-productive and in all likelihood may just work against my lucidity. In the future I will remain more open to such intrusions and try to explore them to know if there is something "resolvable" within their contexts.

- The fact that my dream self after the transformation was wearing a labcoat was interesting, because I had not lucidly suggested this and when I took over into first person of my dream self once again, I was no longer wearing it. I take this mostly as a sign that my artificial introduction of it as a dream sign has become somewhat successful.

- I expect that part of the low detail of the (comparatively) smaller landscape and cities was due to both the fact I'd somehow made myself marginally "too big" but also due to the fact that it was a spontaneous decision, not allowing me to really try and imagine the detail as required. I have seen enough birds' eye points of views that my dream mind should be able to simulate the perspective correctly; it was mostly as though the details were blurred and unclear, rather than missing or incorrect.

- This lucid experience was radically different in feel due to the decreased vividness compared to previous ones, but what really felt different was just the sense of calm and serenity of my mind. Although I can't say I was thinking completely clearly, I was also able to appreciate the nuances of being conscious in the dream world in a way I simply haven't had time to do so in the previous experiences; by comparison, they had all felt extremely rushy.

- During the experience I completely forgot my long-standing desire to look for the blue-eyed black lizard, something else I should include in my "scripts".

- While I have been more mindful throughout the day to do RCs more often, I don't believe this was the sole cause but a factor in what promoted lucidity's occurrence. There are several things I need to point out to myself here:
-- This dream effectively came about as a WBTB, because after my first waking at 8:30 or so, I had gotten up, had passing thoughts about WBTB and as I got back in bed reminded myself that I was capable of lucid dreaming, I had done it before.
-- I am again on a combination of medication that helps my sleep be more restful compared to its native state.
-- On top of that, I started taking the B vitamin complex too, which has certainly made changes to my dreaming experience, and to a much greater degree than I'd imagined it ever would, if at all.

Interruption to the DJ catch up to put one from the past night. Some particularly detailed dreams, but I ended up having so much initial recall of so many dreams that in the end I let go of many and only made notes of a couple. Of note is the fact that last night I took for the first time a multi-vitamin B complex. It somehow did increase dream vividness far beyond what I expected.

---

2nd August 2020

Dream:

In space. In a game like Freelancer, flying a ship with a similar camera view as the game would have. I am on a server and I interact with some other people, but it's a small and private server.

I remember at some point discussing something with someone and then bringing up a list looking at all the potential guns and turrets there were. There were Nomad weapons that went by names such as "Redeemer" and came in three different marks. I remember thinking that it was silly to call it redeemer because there should be a Class Ten weapon using that as an acronym. The turrets list was like a "give mode" menu too, but I didn't have access to that function.

Everything was so detailed, I remember asteroids and distant nebulas and overall the sense of scale was just about right. I'm not sure I flew with a specific aim in mind but I found a Klingon wreckage of a Warbird or something. I shot its turrets so that I could loot them, and I wanted to do so quickly so that someone else couldn't interrupt me or steal them from me.

Then very close by was a station where I landed my ship. I got out but don't remember doing so physically, and then was inside the station. It was like a hospital mixed a bit with an office, and now the server people were here with me as a group? But something has a Farscape feel to it. Seems poorly lit or dark, but visibility is OK.

I forget some details but eventually H is with me at some point and we are waiting at the end of some hall. There are other people here, just sitting on some kind of benches, all waiting same as us. It was like a lobby? The light here mostly comes from the floor, a bit blue-ish, not even just a cold light, actually blue-ish. There are some commercial type fridges with the metal framed glass doors and they have cans of drink in them and I open one of them behind someone and fiddle with or organise some cans.

Then eventually we go through a doorway. We're outside, it's day time, slightly cloudy but bright though I didn't notice shadows properly and we are visiting a church here to do some work. The transition into this area was perfectly seamless.

The church was unusual, it was very open and seemed to be in the ruins of a massive old cathedral, some parts more ruined than others. But overall there was no "ceiling" to speak of and it was an open church. I could hear the wind and the leaves of tall trees surrounding the area, I could hear this very clearly in the dream.

The floor was all just grassy turf and there was no flooring really, but there were brand new things and some old things here in the main congregation area of this new church. There was a wooden house of some kind, which was full-size and looked just like the typical thing seen in a nativity, just bigger effectively.

But two kids were following us, they seemed curious. Though I got the feeling from H it'd be better if they weren't following us, so as we approached a wall panel between some old pillars, we went behind a wooden carved statue of Jesus. The statue featured prominently the colours red and blue on the clothing, and His hair was curly and dark, as was His beard. He did have a crown of thorns, too. The colours seemed a bit worn but probably better than could be expected for something out here in the elements.

Anyway, H pushed some panel behind the statue and we went through and it shut. Though the structure was very open, this didn't really limit the kids following us, but it made it more difficult; H then went around more sneakily trying to just get past them or spook them or something. Either way, the whole time H seemed to know what he was doing and I just followed his lead as with any normal job.

One of the kids was gone at this point, but the other one remained and followed more closely now; his father or grandfather appeared and was trying to convince him to go back with him, but the child seemed insistent in following us and seeing what we were doing. The man apologised for the behaviour, clearly nervous and feeling a bit foolish in some sense. I did not mind him or the kid so much at this point.

Eventually we are on a rooftop part of the old cathedral building. It's high, but not as high as it would have been on top of the actual cathedral; I got the sense that this was a secondary, inner, chapel, built to be inside the cathedral itself. We got on the rooftop simply, because the grassy terrain ramped up to it, I recall. It's all leafy and there's lots of Autumn-coloured leaves on top, a contrast to the green grasses from earlier. I remember stepping on the leaves and feeling them under my boots, which made me more aware of what I was wearing. I remember walking over and maybe stepping on a dead sapling that was growing here. Its wood was dark and bendy.

Somehow it's a truly beautiful area and scene but I don't think or realise this in the dream.

As we get near the opposite end I become concerned and tell everyone to stop. The roof slopes down more quickly ahead and there are no leaves. I start to realise the danger of being on a roof more than before. I tell H, "there are no tiles here, we'll slip right off". So in agreement we start to walk back. I had thoughts of the kid falling and didn't want to feel responsible should something happen, but I also think about how the parent/grandparent would feel should such a thing happen.

At this point my fear of heights seems to kick in a little and I stick more toward the inner edge, where there's a vertical structure jutting out the middle of the roof; I step up on a stone ledge of sorts and as I keep walking back with a tight grip on some stone stuff, I start to realise there had been a music playing for quite some time, in a quick crescendo now. I could hear a jackdaw or crow cawing for the same amount of time too. These sounds were immensely beautiful and as they became more and more vivid I eventually woke up.

Dream Fragment:

Only made brief notes of this one. Dream about visiting a therapist to treat some narcolepsy (that I do not suffer from in real life). I basically kept falling asleep throughout this dream and having different dreams within the dream. In the last part, there was some joint therapy dream thing about recognising that I was asleep, and we had a timed round to shoot enemies and shoot their limbs off with guns.

Then an old skeleton is under some bushes or canopy on some grass. It was Kerrigan's skeleton? The front of the skull was missing or smashed, but some of the lower jaw mandible was intact. Someone took off what was the bones of a tail part of the skeleton and then I or someone else tossed the full skeleton towards someone, Sol, I think? She suddenly had to go though, and we all criticised her for doing this every time.

Scraps:

- A small Spartan-like nation? They had a strong military that seemed American in some sense and they were testing some nuclear weapons and special bullets. It was sunny. Lots of concrete structures.

---

Notes:
- There sure is a lot to make note of here, and I didn't even record all the detail of the first dream fully, it would have taken me too long and most of it is ultimately filler in some sense. But I greatly enjoyed that dream's experience.
- I probably remembered scraps of at least five long dreams in total, but all dreams were fairly vivid. They also all felt like they changed very quickly.

- In a between-period of sleeping and not sleeping after my initial waking up, I tried to focus my mind on drawing but did not have any dreams relating to that or art in general.

- The children following us were both boys, probably between the ages of 6-10. I don't remember having a great look at them, mostly because they followed us from behind most of the time.
- This first dream is the longest dream sequence I have dreamt of for quite a long time now.

- In the second dream, the skeleton was whole, all joined together, something that I know in waking life is impossible except if it had been put together as a museum piece of some kind. The bones were particularly yellowed and somewhat pitted.
- The guns/shooting thing probably came about from playing KF quite a bit with H lately.
- The weapons-testing in the scraps dream likely came about from a general enjoyment of controlled loud noises and explosions (despite their dangers and harmful nature).

- The therapist figure seems to be recurring a little recently. I think it's part is an inner representation of a guide because I have often sought help from therapists for guidance with the psychological side of life and because I've had some good ones, I suppose I feel on some level that they can be very useful guides, even when they say things I'm not happy with or don't agree with.
- This type of figure is also ironically likely to be the antithesis of my frustrations with healthcare systems; these dream therapists actually care about me and there is no payment or any such thing involved, there is a genuine feel of interest in helping me as if they were devoted to that.
- The narcolepsy and the falling asleep thing may have been subconscious cues about dreaming reality.

Some very long dreaming overall, many fragments lost now. The primary dream is backwards since that was the easiest way to put all the memory into notes.

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Dream Fragment:

The earliest part of this dream I can remember, I was moving a cruise liner-like ship into orbit of a pretty plain planet. While manoeuvring close, I accidentally clipped head-on into the planet, so I had to sort of reverse out and reposition. I wanted to set it up so that it would make a nice screenshot, with the system's star and the nebulae in the background. There was a relatively dark palette to this scene, dark purples and dark desaturated oranges, almost a bright brown. The planet itself was a somewhat bright but lifeless pink and the ship was just some standard dark grey of sorts. Warm light.

I intended to upload the resulting screenshot onto the game's forum, I think. Despite the whole scene having a hyper-realistic feel, it was quite a lot like Freelancer but not quite, a bit of EVE online feel to it too.

In actuality I was on the ground, at the sloped and curvy area near M's house in my old town. I remember using some interfaces about my ship and looking through options. I "moused over" some checkboxes that had question marks next to them for info and quickly glanced at some tooltips that would appear with lists on them. I clicked some options rapidly; the options were relating to failure/limp modes. After checking these boxes, the ship started to implode. The options had no warning or confirmation before I had activated them so I got upset and spoke angrily at the interface, swearing and declaring how it was stupid, in my frustration.

On some list of ships I apparently owned, I saw the value of this cruiser drop rapidly from several hundred million to almost nothing as it imploded. I knew the ship was dead and worthless now in orbit of that planet and took some comfort in the fact that nobody would want to loot it being so worthless. Annoyed, I still felt like I could make a screenshot out of it.

Dream:

I woke up when in the dream I was telling H about some water-filled cyst things that seemed to be under my skin on my chest, my groin and my legs. They were hard to the touch. There were some kind of "veins" between them and at certain angles or positions the water would run down through them with gravity. It looked a bit like fresh sausages when they are cooked and have fluid built up under the casing. I remember the light at this point was a dim and lightly blue-ish morning light.

I asked H what it was and what it meant and more importantly, why it was going green on some bits (lower right belly) and H just said "then you lose" which made me panic and cry, at which point I quickly woke up.

In the dream I had noticed them earlier and in the dream context of having just seen a doctor recently too. I wondered why I hadn't told the doctor about them. Maybe they weren't there at the time? This was all at the end of a long and odd dream.

The preceding segment, I was with H at some guy's house. We were just loading up some cabinet "from the sound of music" or something into the van. Fairly dark wood, polygonal top, gold double trim along some edges, namely the top's sides. Was a bit like an end-table/cabinet. The guy who'd sold it to us had curly hair and fit some generic archetype of a musician. He commented something like "I hope you won't use it, and just store it safely in a bank", obviously still sentimental about it despite selling it. I thought to myself that there was no point in doing that, why had we bought it then. H didn't comment, I think.

I had arrived on foot at this place, having expected to actually go home before I got here but for whatever reason I had come across H in the dark street just in front of this guy's house. H's van was on its left side and H had taken the roof off it somehow. Had a determined look and was moving some reel tape boxes on a shelf just behind the bulkhead. Gravity didn't seem right, like it was working in multiple directions at the same time. Didn't notice me for a while, but it was like I wasn't there either. Pre-lucid thoughts about how the van being like this was very dreamlike. The thoughts didn't cross the required threshold however and I didn't do any reality checks.

Preceding that, I had been walking along streets of some version of the town we live in now. It was night time and wet, I can remember the reflection of red traffic lights on puddles. It may have been raining too while I walked. I remember the majority of my walking time I had been looking at Whatsapp on my phone. There were messages from H and loads from other people, but I promptly dismissed or ignored the ones from other people as I noticed them.

When I started walking it was day time, sunny and dry. I remember there was this garden, belonging to a bad man. I felt like burning it down just before I'd left it. I walked across the little fields to get to the pavement and there were some odd roots or vines that had a planty mouth, and they shot chocolate ice cream or something across to the other side of the street. The little fields had vegetables planted, mostly carrots and turnips? But the root of the vegetables was very visible, not just the top of the plants.

I got to this place after walking outside from another place where me and a bunch of other people were. Everyone had just found out that this man who owned these little garden/field things was a bad person, because of the testimony I gave them publicly, plus the testimony of two other people in the room. I was glad that they had spoken up. This indoors place was a bit like the fun centre at the mall near my old town. Odd lighting to the place.

This man had apparently been building illegal mini race track things but there was something more insidious about him. I had just come down from an indoors ramp of sorts when a girl about my age confronted me about it, she had a worried look on her face. In the preceding segment I had been helping that man build this thing. But I stopped helping him as soon as he asked me to poop somewhere, as part of the building effort or something and to do something with it. I pretended to have no issue with this and just told him there was no way I could possibly just do it whenever I wanted and that I was fairly "irregular" anyway. I thought at this point of asking for the pay he'd promised but realised immediately he'd be a bastard, so I didn't and at that point I just wanted out of there and away from him.

Finally, the earliest point in the dream I can remember was something about a forest and a sort of top down view. It was where I first noticed for myself these mini race track things, some floating over some kind of black abyss void.

Dream Fragment:

Something about Kaiju/Godzilla? Vague visual recall of some scenes where Godzilla was walking through a city.

Dream Fragment:

Some mini dream sequence about the automatic act of shaving. Probably caused by a lingering intent of wanting to do since yesterday.

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Notes:
- When I woke up from the long dream, I was sweating, which is what typically has been happening when I get long and intense or vivid dreams.
- The panic-type feelings stopped as soon as I woke up and didn't carry over into wakeful awareness. This wasn't what I'd consider a bad dream, just an odd one.
- The things that were on my chest and etc. seemed like the symptom of something but I don't remember them being painful or anything.
- There were several other dreams that I had fragments of, but I didn't make note of them and couldn't hold them through writing the rest of this.