side notes

sick

Sick

I had one dream that was interrupted by my phone but I did get this other one.

I was w/ Mike & I was supposed to be going to my Grandma's house & showing Mike around because he had never been there but he'd heard stories about it. So we showed up & a man came out & told me that she didn't live there anymore which is true IRL. I just couldn't leave. I kept walking around it & trying to look inside & outside. I was desperately still looking for things to still be the same but it just wasn't of course. I spent a lot of time in this dream but in the end it just eventually dissolved.

I'm sure this was because my uncle just died & my aunt posted a memorial page for him w/ a bunch of pics. Hence, memory lane was a bi-product. Kind of bittersweet. Not to mention that I just talked to my grandmother for the first time in a million yrs because my uncle died. I didn't want to for personal reasons but I was raised better than that & her son just died & I knew it was the right thing to do. As a result it turned out to be better than I thought. Not ideal but I feel it was a weight lifted off my chest that I didn't even realize was there.

I'm a spectator in this dream. First a man comes into a restaurant and is acting weird. He must give a message to someone but he is uncertain of what to do or who to give the message to. The chef comes out and gives him something. He goes to his next stop & is in line w/ others like himself who are basically being blackmailed into doing things or risk dying. It seems to be on a grand scale. There are now big places being held by ppl doing unspeakable things. It was very gory and gross. Then it turns into a mass brain washing event & ppl are't realizing that they are indebted to some unknown evil. Cops are even killing ppl. People are wearing pig heads, like from real pigs. Gross. The people are going mad in the head. Some are eating large amounts of feces. I want to puke. It's like if you spread out some intestines but it was all poop. Finally a flood starts to come. It looks like the population is being cleansed. Then Meesha woke me up.

I've had stomach problems due to being sick yesterday so maybe that was the weird poop thing. I'm not sure if there is a meaning here or if it's due to fever & med dreams. I have been paying attention lately to how ppl treat each other now a days & how our earth is being ruined. I find it all so sad. On a side note I just realized I've been so busy that I haven't even looked at the TOTM so I'm going to do that next. I still don't feel well today but I'm doing better. I think I just need a lot of sleep.

I just got up briefly. I've been pretty sick today. I haven't even talked to my husband except on the phone. He's already in bed asleep. I had just got back to sleep a little while before he got here. So weird.

Anyway, back to my dream. NON-LUCID: I was w/ this guy & the first place we were was on a boat. He was trying to track down a murderer & he needed my help. We were finding clues & the murderer was posting online which is where some were coming from at first. Then we were in a house & the guy was starting to catch on to us so we had to come up w/ a new plan. Suddenly it was just like a movie because things went really fast. The bad guy was killing ppl & we were trying to get to him but he was making it look like we had something to do w/ it. We were constantly trying to stay out of jail & track him down too. There was lots of blood. That's the best I can remember.

I was visiting a friend which I haven't seen in a long time. The dream was odd in the respect that I couldn't figure out how old we were supposed to be in the beginning. I was in the town she lives in which is only 10 minutes from me IRL but I haven't seen her IRL for years either. Anyway, we are at a local plae where we are hanging out & talking but then we go to a school. There is going to be a ballgame somewhere & she's either attending the school or there in some other capacity. For some reason ppl are being paired by her to sit together & be some kind of pep squad for the school. I was wondering to myself in the dream if she would pick me which I found odd that I just suddenly was noticing what I was thinking on a really strange level. She did pick me & a girl beside her looked taken aback by this. We go on the bus & are at the bleachers of the game. The girl is there & so is my friend & I become all full on lucid & look at her & say to the girl "Rindi & I all grown up, we have kids & grandkids of our own. And Josh is in his 5th yr of college" I just staretd laughing & woke up.

Schools are one of my dream signs.

I had one dream before this but I didn't log it because my journal was moved accidentally. But then I awoke from this dream. I was in a body painting contest that felt like it went on forever. I had as much skill as I do in real life which is none yet I was in this contest. The category was camouflage. The backdrop was an ocean & we were to paint our models so that they blended into a moving ocean while laying partly on the wet part of the beach where it meets the water & they had to also be partly in the very clear water. Another contestant kept sabotaging me by by moving my things & replacing them w/ things that couldn't possibly work. The last straw was that when you do body painting the women have nude colored patches that cover there areolas & genitals. But I was only giving this weird big patch of black faux hair to cover her genitals. It was insane & I knew I could not make this work. This dream seemed to go on forever so when I got to this point in the dream & realized I was in a dream, I just woke up out of frustration.

Dreams were forgotten when I was woke up this morning by stabbing pains in my kidneys. They still hurt. I don't know if I have kidney stones or an infection or if all of these yrs of meds are catching up to me. I had a couple of sharp pains last week & have been drinking a lot of cran-grape to flush them but I wonder if even that is good or bad. Mike & I were talking about how he had his blood drawn a couple of months ago & that maybe they should do mine on my next visit. I think he's right.

I was in a police station & apparently worked there. I had just came in for my shift & some bossy bitch was trying to tell me what to do. I told her that she wasn't my boss & that she could go fuck herself. I can't deal w/ ppl who think they can just do what they want & treat ppl like shit. The room was trashed & it wasn't even my job to clean it. That woman just made me crazy mad, lol. Just a weird little dream but at least it was something because my new meds didn't even allow me to remember any kind of dreams at all yesterday. I pulled back my dosage which was already less most ppl can tolerate. My tummy doesn't do well w/ meds & I have to take nausea meds w/ any pain meds.

On heavy pain meds so not even a hint of any dreams at all. I don't like feeling like this. I feel foggy & fidgety & stoned in a very bad way but I can only lower the doses until I can get down the inflammation & pain to a level to switch to a different set of less fuzzy meds. But sometimes you just have to do what you have to until you get some relief when you have lifelong medical issues. I'll just keep praying.

Great vivid dreams but I didn't log them. I was in crazy sciatic pain to the point I had to go to my doctor.

I was in what looked like a library room where there are card catalogs & a desk. But then it turns out to be a tv set for the Andy Griffith show. I notice Ron Howard who plays Olpie but he is a kid like he was on the show way back then. So I realize that I am back in time & become lucid. I'm excited & telling him that he is going to be famous & that when he grows up he will be a producer & director. We are walking around & I'm trying to figure out how long ago it really was & I tell him that I know about this because I live in the future about 50 years from this time. I was laughing to myself because I'm trying to do math in a lucid dream. It was mostly tricky because when the show aired it was ahead of when the time of the show was set in. The set was really cool but I lost my lucidity & just woke up.

D1: I was being talked down to by some old boss of mine & I'm working for a Pizza Hut, lol. He wanted me to replace someone at one of the branches. But Mike didn't approve of this change, yet I was going anyway for some reason. I couldn't find anything to wear because apparently I was in some kind of job way above the employees at the actual restaurant. I had also worked there before at some previous time yet I kept driving around & couldn't find the branch.... Meesha Cat woke me up.

D2: I used to rent a house a long long time ago IRL from a local Radio Talk Show Host named Hank Rotten Jr. In my dream I was looking all over town for specific ingredients from Hank to make a Chinese dish to win a radio contest.

Spending the holiday w/ my husband. Had non lucids but I just keep falling back asleep. Monday will be back to 6 days a week for my husband until Christmas break. Hence, I'm making time for family.

Still no sleep for over 2 weeks now. I'm going non stop w/ cleaning & duties of all kinds that it is surreal. I had to wreck the grand kids room in my house cuz the Dish Network guy needed to go through that room & I had to move heavy shit for him cuz he was too fat to fit under my house. After which I could've saved time by not dealing w/ that aftermath of cleaning if only my daughters had told me the kids weren't even going to be here this year. I'm sorry but those installation guys need to fit in a fucking crawl space. Then yesterday I had some sort of emotional breakdown in the middle of making Thanksgiving dinner yesterday. I'm in so much pain, utterly exhausted, I'm sad my uncle just died, one of daughters didn't come & none of my grand kids came. I'm just fucking glad it's over. All of those who were there did understand though in the end & were grateful for all I did. Of course I get to do all of this again for Christmas, how exciting~ (eye roll) I'm still in so much pain I just can't explain it. I know I need another surgery but my last surgery from last December still isn't paid off. I'm not doing jack shit today. Okay, I'm done w/ my banter. Going back to watching tv & doing a whole lot of nothing.