Uncategorized

i am in skyrim.
i am in skyrim! this is cool. i don't know its cool because i'm just living my life
as a character, probably, but i am myself otherwise.

i jump, rock climb, trying to get to "markarth", a place in the game i've been to,
but in this dream i have not, and its entirely different than the game (of course, its a dream)
i jump from a ledge into the water.

beneath the water's surface, the ledge is carved out with a big mechanical heart.
old, old, very cool, very intricate. i'm close.

i jump onto the bridge in this water pool. this is the way to markarth.
i make my way, and find the city alive with people.
tons and tons of folk, dressed in every day clothes, but otherwise the time period/alternate world is accurate.

i'm with heather now. we explore.
she tells me adam and sarina are coming. huh well um okay yes sure.
outside a window, in some other part of the reality dream scape, i see them walking toward us.
except they are children. they are 5 years old. adam is a boy even though he's young.

this is a joke, and i am not happy about it.
i whine whine cry child cry cry. i'm upset. heather, why?
okay they walk in- look normal. act normal.

we explore the city together. find a door marked "nintendo blue gamecube only" huh
some kind of connection cord is necessary to do something strange...i don't know.
didn't know the details in the dream + didn't care to find out. adam comments on it.

we go into a library/thrift store combo. i escape to the children's section
i am alone,
i am happy.
but i want heather with me.

at high school
i was signed up for psyche/history(same subject here)
christian shows me where to go0
"you know my dad"
"no?"
"the clown-"
"yes everyone knows him"
"hes the teacher, my dads the teacher
he's an easy teacher, he doesn't make you do anything"

in the classroom, a collage i did (not in waking life) is taped to the whiteboard.
it is a canyon with a white square with a title on it taped onto the canyon.
i think of how badly they put it together, (as if it came in pieces)
i did not know how they got it though.

he says take your seat. i go to one
well, its the wrong one so i move all my stuff to the only other seat
between emma and rae (its current time though, not past)
it is awkward. adam is sitting in front of me.

emma talking to person in front of her (female): 25 dollars for a mullet is outrageous
me: its only 15 in waterville. (i say this very hesitantly. i only want to respond, not to form any kind of relationship or further conversation.)
her: still a rip off.
i agree.

adam is taking a ring out of an elaborate box.
its for trans prom.
rae: adam, no one even likes you.

im part of a staged audience
being filmed. we're in the wrong kind of stage hall though. this one is just for speeches.
i start yelling about how we should be in the right one and leave.

on a wintery soccer field with my brother. we kick around soccerballs.
when you kick them, even tap them, they go flying in whatever direction you want them to go.
i'm lucid.
i kick the balls, and it feels awesome, like i'm david beckham.
like i have all the soccer skills in my dreambody, i'm just really good at the sport.

my brother and i walk around the fence of the field. i follow him.
i try to tell him he's dreaming but i dont think he hears me or something.
he climbs up on top of a garage. i follow.
from the peak, i can see a huge black wolf (in a totally white snowy background- easy to see)
i get afraid but remember its a dream.
my attention makes her walk over to me. i get a little afraid.

i tell her its a dream. disappear. go away.
when i say this, she says it too at the same time.
"those tricks dont work on me, i'm not like that" she says and laughs,
and a wolf laughing is quite scary.

she disappears and i instantly lose lucidity.

jack kerouac tells me how to listen to all the poetry he and his friends wrote
i can hear the beats
and the bongos.

i am looking at a sims 2 look down/walls down layout plan of a house-ship.

the ship is originally concrete, i think. my dad buys it and i am now in my body (as opposed to the viewer). i am in the ship house.

the white concrete walls are now an organic skin material, mushy and kind of like memory foam.
the house is designed to float, so it sails up, up up. very high up, i am in the ship and can see out of it.

below me are suburbs and trees.

i am back on ground now. some time passes and i am asked to enter the ship again. its not a family ship/house anymore. i am with several other kids my age.

ram dass gives me "be here now" volume 2, the sequel. he tells me not to be afraid and to read the book as the ship floats up.

the ship is more organic now, having completely transformed into something different than a house.

another ship is in front of us. we watch it take off- it jumps into the sky very high and is not seen from where we stand on the ground. i'm really scared.

in the ship i read the book. it might have been called "the negative nature of the universe". this isn't supposed to be a bad thing, though. more like yin yang, the taking over of one thru cycles.

the ship shoots up. my body feels very strange breaking physics like this, i feel like we might have gone faster than anything we as humans have made before could go.

someone says we are going to a certain ocean in the galaxy.

we go there, and then further out. we go out of the galaxy, into deep universe.

the ship is clearly a defense for us. there are things near the ship trying to attack it or something. it seems hostile.

the bottom of the ship shot out some sort of eerie ethereal line of something. it attacked the other things attacking us.



i woke up sometime, at 3:30. i was very awake.

i am in a living housemansionbuilding.
it has many rooms that change. the house doesn't know how to make a real room.
the living room looks like a gallery. there are a few chairs, some tables. but it's not a living room.
it's just stuff. me and someone who's with me point this out.
we try to escape. the house says its intentions are friendly.
we don't care, this isn't real. we want to be where things are real again.

i'm in a foreign place that is currently in a lengthy cultural war with the people who live here.
there are two sides. but i don't care about that right now.
i'm in the forest, walking along trails with my cousins. it's hot and we wanna swim!
there is a perfect path towards a perfect lake. it's beautiful, the water is clear and blue like the oceans.
i run into the water. i know it wont be cold, it will be perfect: it is. the bottom is soft sand.
i close my eyes and experience the lake, feeling everything about it.
by the time i open my eyes, my cousins are running back out of it.
we are surrounded by trees, but thru them we can see in the distance, past some marsh lands, that we are being watched by one side of the war, the dangerous side.
i run out, thru the woods, the woods turn to sand, the main beach.
something is happening. everyone is doing something with the waves.
they are animated, and dance like fire before they crash. i want to ride them...
everyone is in the shallow water watching this happen.
then, they remember the game they're playing, they remember the war...
i am taken along in a "room" (a surreal mix between the feelings of "inside" and "outside, there are walls, but i am outside too...dreamy)
there is a guy watching me. he wants me to play with the game he made.
it is a carnival game, a giant shell game, rigged to his favor i bet. it is three cabinets.
he puts a crystal in one, closes it, and they swap/rotate/move places very fast.
then they open, and there is a button fashioned out of a domino inside.
"press one" he says. i'm scared. he knows that, and calms me down. he is not a fighter. he doens't care about the game, just his job.
i press the first one. the bottom of it dissolves and there is nothing inside.
we play again, and again. my cousin comes to see me.
somehow, we leave. we escape or are let free.

we go to the supermarket.
for a long time, we walk around and have a bit of fun.
then, everyone starts leaving immediately. the cultural war has spread here. people are taking sides.
one section is completely run by one side. the other side left. we decide to leave too.
i find my parents and my other cousin. we steal some bread and leave.
we begin walking home.
we find out the bread is actually hot chocolate and we can't eat it. we're hungry though.
my dad needs to use the bathroom. he goes thru a tunnel to a convenience store and comes back.
we keep walking....

i am with a group of people. we are connected via friendship, or maybe circumstance, but not necessarily blood.
maybe blood too. i can't tell, or maybe i can't remember. we're not all related though. there's about 6 of us.

this epic i awoke from is fragmented, and i carry over only pieces, like a drunk night's morning. they are probably not in chronological order, but i'll try to make it make sense.

scene one

i am in the woods with the group.
we are together, but spread out over the trail. i can see the last person and the first person.
we are looking for the "bad guy" of the story. he's some king but only the word applies, he's not royalty or at least its never talked about. for some reason we know he is in a "cold room", which is a specific thing.
quite all of a sudden, and i mean ALL OF A SUDDEN a train cuts thru the middle of our group. i can't see the rest of the people, and one lady is missing. she might be my grandmother, but that's a 50/50 chance.
the train goes by, or somehow we all re-group with the train still going, and after everyone thought she died, she is here, fine, shooken up but alright.
i think to myself how we really have to be careful because the trains can come from anywhere, anytime. there are no tracks.

scene 1.5

we all go to the train station. the train hasn't arrived yet. there are two hobos who are waiting for it, to jump into the boxcars and go. there's a third man, standing and staring at us. well fuck, that's the guy!
someone says his name is "dale" or something with a D....the train arrives. he was on the other side.
me and someone else go into a boxcar just to see how it is.
it is pretty much the inside of a VW, two facing seats inside a rectangle box. kinda nice.
we get out and the train leaves. no dale and the hobos are gone.
my mom is with me, or maybe she's part of the group. she uses my phone to call someone named dale.
"wait no, now he'll know my number and know where i am!" she called the wrong dale, i had two: some guy, and THE EVIL GUY!

scene 2

we are outside a supermarket. we are coming up with some kind of plan. we go in, and everyone scatters.
time goes by, maybe i do my part in the plan, i don't know. after some time, i start to panic.
where is everyone!?? i run thru the aisles, and there is a feeling like i'm being chased or watched or waited on.
i see a boy i know who wasn't part of the original group but was part of this plan. he's running around with his cart empty, so i go up to him. he talks to me and i help him put a lot of wine in his cart.
i hold a broom. it's part of a plan.
we escape now, and run out the door. the alarm goes off, and they chase us out for a second, so i throw the broom at them. "yeah i stole it, here have it back," is what the action meant to say. they didn't notice the wine.

scene 3

i am running, running running up a hill, towards a bingo hall. i am with someone else.
we run up to the top of the hill that it's on finally and hide. we are going to try and track down where the cold room is, where dale is.
i go into the hall and it's a store. i take a magazine and when i come out and open it i realize its 300 pages of models. boring. i text heather. my mom's here. we're going to look together.

scene 4

i am in the cave/forest/dungeon/tunnel/room. the final one. the-boss-key kind of room. we will find the cold room here, and dale, and defeat him or whatever we're doing.
we are all spread out in this long room. its like mountains and forest inside a cave, inside a building.
i climb thru some of the obstacles for awhile. its just a hunt for a long time, dream-time too. climbing and climbing.
then, behind me someone yells they've found it!!! what? i'm pretty much at the entrance.... she's behind me even further. how'd we miss it?
seriously, how'd we miss this: at the beginning of the room, there's a secret ledge. there are footholds but they have no depth so they don't look real. well, they are. she climbed up 'em and at the top is the cold room!
which isn't actually a room. it's a cylindrical hanging piece of cloth, and i guess dale is inside that. and it's probably cold in there...because that's what someone told me.
well, okay, looks like i'm gonna be the one to confront him first. i grab a ribbon thats hanging from the ceiling and swing over to the ledge, grab it, and hang on. i climb up, and talk to dale.

his voice booms, like thru a loudspeaker. it is just like wizard of oz. a big big boomy death voice...actually a man behind a curtain. well actually...dale gets to talking, and the voice is completely female afterawhile. whatever?
dale asks what i want to eat, and i say a grilled cheese please...i get it, and eat it, and it's good.
now he confronts my mom, who's sitting at the entrance.
lobster! duh....he sends her lobster. she's eating, and then dale makes it rain electricity all over her.
what. what. what. what. he just killed my mom!!!!
it's still raining, and i don't want to live without my mom, so i jump from the ledge onto the floor where my mom's sitting.
i get struck by electricity balls already accumulating on the floor and more from dale. the feeling is crazy.
my whole body is conscious of every other part of my body, and i can feel my skeleton. i am my skeleton only.
i crawl to my mom, and close my eyes.
then i open them. i'm not dead...this just feels really cool. she slowly opens hers, and she's not dead, but she's worse off than i am. we sit together as dale addresses my dad now.
i don't remember what he asks to eat, but he doesn't get struck or anything bad. just eats.
after dale asks everyone in the entrance what they want, he talks to me. (he's talking in a male voice for this now, before it was very female).
he says something about music to me. recently i have wanted to try my hand at an instrument in waking life because i've never really studied music, or how it all works, or really listened to music with a musician's ear.
he talks to me about this, and scolds me by saying how i've never listened to real music.
he offers me more lemonade, which i guess i had a glass of with my grilled cheese. i say no...
my mom says "that's like a GOD and you're not accepting more of the food he's producing on his own by magic???"...shit, put that way, i realize i'm an idiot.
he offers my dad more watermelon and he lets me have a piece, now that i realize what this food is. (somewhere along the lines, dale became a neutral figure, not good or evil, and very magic...)
the watermelon is the worst i've ever had. it's chewy and without water.

i dreamed all my teeth fell out. i was afraid of the bloody mess, but there wasn't any, just holes in my mouth.

i was given the option of calling into work indefinitely to help fight this ongoing playful war between some factions that hated eachother but only in a pretend kind of way. they kept it up just for the fun of the fight.

its raining out. end of the world rain. this is how it's going down: this rain storm. fuck!

wait: why is everyone relaxing? i'm in a neighborhood swampy with rain, the streets are rivers.

lets make the most of it: lets go kayaking! okay. i try to decide which "kayak" i want.

really the kayak is just a long, long long 2 x 4. i take one that has native-style striping patterns on both ends and is colored a faint blue. oh yeah this will go so well in the riverstreets!

and it does. this was fun.

i live in a huge farm house in a new country town on "fog" street.

i'm in the attic with heather and my mom and dad. we're all smoking a bowl. we get super stoned.

heather and i go into a room in the attic, which is a blueberry field inside the house.

"hey we want to be on a real field" we think and go outside and touch and experience the grass. it's nice.

thru the woods, i see the color aqua and red. what the? two horses thoses colors come by into the field.

it's heather's friends brittany and some girl. heather runs over and says hi hi hi and all of that.

i get jealous. i talk to the other girl. i've met her once or twice, but as a kid i remember being friends with her. she says we were but not for long. i think it might be sarah silverman (? )

they talk and talk and talk and i get too jealous and mad to handle it. i run away like a child.

i run thru a door in the woods which leads to town. i walk around like i'm on a longboard. what the fuck i want to longboard!

i go home and grab mine. it's shaped like a fish, and is colored very cool. i ride in town and on a big hill and zig zag on a main road, exploring places that i can go to now since i just moved here. i forgot about how sad i was.

(Straight from the dream journal)

A house on a lake- the doorway is so small I must crawl and contort to enter. Jamie (who is sometimes Cole) own it with Tyler (dating Jamie, in real life and in my dream). Heather (who is sometimes Dylan) are moving in. Skeptical because I am insecure if they want us. Two bathrooms but space is limited.



There was a lot more to the dream, but it trailed off into a strange "field trip" and I didn't write it down. However, later in the dream, I did come back to the house. Semi-lucid, I was tired of the small doorway, and tried to "will" it bigger. Still semi-lucid, I noticed that the reason the door was so small was because of the unfinished brick entryway. Never will I be able to explain how the entrance was set up, but it was kind of half buried yet fully accessible. Eh.

I rarely do researched dream interpretation beyond what I think my dreams mean, but I did look into this one. My dictionary really helped me understand what this possibly (to me, what this DEFINITELY) means. Tons of gratitude to You, subconscious self.

Heather and I get a ride to the beach. Its really dark out. The water has come up to the side of the road, so we get out to look at this strange phenomenon. Heather and I get into the water and try to catch otters. If you catch one, you pay $90 dollars and it becomes your pet. There are other otters for $100 and then $120. While we try to catch them in the ocean, I look underwater for a second:

Beneath the water, we were not actually in an ocean. It was a bright room filled with water. There were windows looking out into a green country scene. The floor was hundreds of feet away. People were riding underwater chariots, being pulled by bears and apes who were held in rope all around their bodies, yet somehow they could still swim. I became frightened and looked back above water: we were still in the dark ocean at midnight.

Similak to: