GoldenLight

Link:

I started thinking about what Mydera said and also something I said in another journal about my own 'golden' form. You also mentioned it about Eva - that she had a positive vibe. When I am 'golden', my attitude is much more positive and sunnier. So, I'm wondering if Eva, isn't the disposition you're searching for? In other words, perhaps she embodies this upbeat, sunny, carefree disposition that you seem to be struggling with as of late. (or maybe longer?) So, in your dreams, she is the manifestation of this desire - to be 'golden'.

I also would be on the look out for real life people who seem to give off this vibe. They do exist. And I also noted that Eva is very assertive. Is this something you are not in waking life? Perhaps like my Silver Man, she is your 'twin', the female to your male, yin to yang, anime to animus??

This feels a bit deja vu 'ish so if I have just repeated what's been said...ignore me.

Don't think that way, your responses are very insightful! You're a person with experience, I can't take that for granted.

About Eva, I'm sure she can exhibit those qualities, but I have to find her in my dreams again. Before, she was merely by my side most of the time, but now, I hope to actually start a conversation with her.

And I also noted that Eva is very assertive. Is this something you are not in waking life?

Yeah, you pretty much got this right on target. I'm not really that positive in waking life. I mean sure, I can be respectful to people, that's just a natural thing, but by myself, I'm not really positive overall, I may have some short bursts, but they usually fade.

I try to be more confident in myself within those bursts, but I just feel that doing doesn't solve problems that I will have to face later on. And I know that we will all have problems, it's just that I don't think I'm tough enough to be assertive like Eva could be if I ever meet her again.

I don't see myself being anything good in the future, I try to imagine myself as being some guy with a high salary, house, etc., being able to be a good partner for a woman someday....but sometimes I take it too far to where it might be impossible goals I'm trying to get to.

The thing is, I'm sure I have the ambition, but the will and competence to actually carry them out isn't there as yet, I'm far from it.

I think this kind of negative energy I have on myself is due to thinking about ego death and actual death. I've talked about it to a friend of mine here on Dream Views before, which kind of makes me depressed in a way.

The way I see, if I were to die now, and suddenly wake up in another reality, all the worries, the stress, etc., I had in the previous life would seem like nothing anymore. I know that it's best to live this life through as much as possible, because the idea that I would have to start over if I gave up or something still encroaches my mind occasionally, which leaves me in a "ugh, whatever..." moment.

One friend of mine said when she sees me in her dreams, that she can look into my soul and see that I don't have any trace of deceit within me, which is kind of ironic since my mind is a bit clouded with horrible ambiguity right now.....so I'm presuming she saw my higher self that was more positive and confident, I guess.

To relate to you being golden, a friend of mine, Sinoblak, I don't know if you saw her entry, but she saw me holding a golden eagle. I believe the eagle was picking up it's feathers, and I was wearing a golden eagle mask that was fairly huge.

Sinoblak said that when she saw me, it seemed that I was the master of my dreams or something like that because I was being laconic with her when she asked me questions in the dream. I guess she was able to see my higher self as well, or just an elevated and more sophisticated part of me that I didn't even know about.

Don't be afraid to tell your thoughts on this, I'm always happy to see responses from you and others!

Dreamprofesser...that is just the sweetest thing EVER! Thank you.

Aww. your welcome Goldenlight.

it's just that I don't think I'm tough enough to be assertive like Eva could be if I ever meet her again.

In lieu of your most recent dream with Eva, I find this comment to very intriguing. You took the LEAD in the library, Link. Eva held back. She appeared unable to take the lead or you noted, she looked ill. So, perhaps that prompted you to BE ASSERTIVE LIKE EVA. Did you realized that happened in your most recent dream?

[QUOTEThe way I see, if I were to die now, and suddenly wake up in another reality, all the worries, the stress, etc., I had in the previous life would seem like nothing anymore. I know that it's best to live this life through as much as possible, because the idea that I would have to start over if I gave up or something still encroaches my mind occasionally, which leaves me in a "ugh, whatever..." momen][/QUOTE]

Some people believe that we choose this life and these circumstances before we are born to these bodies. For we have need of learning particular emotions or traits - and so when we choose our circumstances they are such that we can develop the necessary traits/emotions required. But if we, in this life, end our time here, it means we have cut short our lessons and we will need to return to repeat those lessons. All things shall pass in time, Link. All things. And no matter how negative or sad or even happy you might feel now, these things move on. So we must learn to accept how we feel and move on.

I believe the more we experience in life, the more emotions, situations, and people we encounter, we learn to be that much empathetic toward others and to ourselves. Think for second (sorry to go all Yoda on you! ) about a situation you may have experienced and then when you meet someone else who is going through that experience how much easier it is for you to understand them. That's just my two cents.

My bottom line after all this rambling yoda-like crap - you matter and you have just begun to live so there's so much more to come. Everything passes - My mother is fighting stage IV colon cancer right now. The tumors shrink then they grow. Life is a roller coaster and when we see the ride other people are on, sometimes, ours doesn't look so bad! (Just got a text telling me that she must now undergo radiation so that little blurb popped out! ) Take care Link, and remember - you matter. Life changes on a dime.