tblanco

April and her family keep wanting to play putt putt. I don't want to play. We end up going anyway but there is an incredible line and the place is very crowded. Connie keeps telling me about her grandfather and how he used to own the very first putt putt course. My belly hurts and I am very annoyed by this talk.

Hanging out at my house and a python slithers in when I open the door for a second. The animals all get excited. I ask my wife if we can keep this python and she tells me that we probably won't be able to keep it for long because our dogs will kill it. April's mom and her little rat terrier missy is also hanging out. Missy is barking because she is afraid that the snake will eat her.

April takes me to see a divorce lawyer where we discuss who would get our boat if we ever got divorced. It makes me very mad that we visit a divorce lawyer. She tries to convince me that in no way does it mean that we are going to get divorced but I am less sure. I go out to the dock to look at our boat (in real life we don't have a boat). While I am there I make plans to bomb it.

I am visiting the home of my high school girlfriend and her husband. They have two small daughters. They have asked me to babysit while they go and celebrate their anniversary. While they are interviewing me for the job I keep morphing into different creatures. When they ask me about my previous experience as a babysitter, I turn into a beautiful naked woman. They are shocked and appalled and while I apologize at first, soon I just become intrigued by my new body. I tell them this will pass and as we continue with the interview, I explore my new body a little bit. Natural C cup breasts and long straight blonde hair.

Then just as they are putting on their coats to leave I turn into a cat. I am now a 40 LB or so big yellow cat with brown streaks. The two little girls are very excited by this and want to play with me. I roll over onto my back and the girls rub my belly. The father goes into the bedroom and gets a very small saddle. He puts the saddle on me and the little girls take turns riding me around the room like a pony. The effect is a little bit like "Cringer" from He-Man.



Since I am a cat I can do things that ponies cannot, such as leap onto furniture and climb up curtains. The girls are having a good time and while I am playing with them in cat form, The parents sneak out of the house.

There is a time slip and the dream cuts to hours later; the girls are asleep and I am back to my regular human, Clothed, form. I am sitting on the couch and watching the home shopping network on television. The parents come home from their anniversary dinner, giggling and excited. The husband tells me they were so inspired by my shape changing earlier, that they did something extra special. Then his wife/my ex takes off her dress and is covered from head to toe in a brand new Dalmatian tattoo. That's head to toe solid white with black spots. My jaw drops in shock.

I wake up

In an episode of "House" I'm riding around with house and cuddy as they make amends to people that they've wronged. I am standing with them on somebody's front porch. It's a light green house with a white door. The door has a brass door knocker in the center of it about 6 feet up. Cuddy and House are arguing about who is going to talk and what they are going to say. The door opens and a bald, fat, bearded man with a wifebeater and a shotgun. He yells. We scream and run. I hear the shotgun being fired at us.

Hanging out with my friend, R Late at night in my living room. I have been sleeping. I wake up lying on the floor. My tv is there but he has also set up a second tv in front of the fireplace. We are watching a cartoon of the knights of the dinner table. I look over and ask him, what's going on with this, where did he get this cartoon? He shrugs. I look at the screen and two teenagers are sitting in the principle's office. One of them is my friend Jared. Jared in staring at his shoes and mumbling incoherently. I say to R, that is a cartoon Jared, this cartoon is in our hometown. R Shrugs.

He is eating a big bowl of scrambled eggs. He is sitting in an easy chair and eating a big bowl of scrambled eggs. I get up and go to the kitchen. In the fridge are big omelets covering all of the other food. I start looking under the omelets for things to eat and find the rice dish I cooked last night. I look back in the living room and there is a commerical for a furniture store.

I say to R, This cartoon is on TV? He shrugs, yeah. That is crazy. I thought maybe you downloaded it or something. I ask R if I can make some eggs to put on top of the cassorole and he says that it's fine. I go to the stove and there are two dirty skillets filled with dried cooked eggs. I ask him why did he cook eggs in two skillets? He says he doesn't know. I look again at the two tvs in the living room and realize that this is very strange and say to myself, I think I am dreaming. I open the glass dish and take a bite of the food to ground myself. It's cold and spicy.

R asks me what time we drove back from our friend's house. I can't remember. He says he has some dvds he wants to watch one of them is of the wedding of Dave and Macey. I say, rusty, dave and macy aren't married, she is going out with john. He says, Oh yeah.

There is one of those green plant sponges on the table in front of us. I point my finger at it and flick. The sponge floats upword into the air. I flick again and it shoots across the room. I curl my finger and It comes back to me and lands in my hand. I am excited and look over at rusty. He is still watching tv. I try to talk but I can't. I mumble in my head that I am dreaming, that this is a dream and on my third try I am able to say to him. R, this is a dream right now, I am dreaming.
He looks at me funny and says How do you know. I say, well first of all you aren't wearing any pants. He looks down and starts to cry. I say it's ok, don't worry about it. I close my eyes and imagine him a pair of shorts. I snap my fingers and when I open my eyes, he is wearing shorts.

I say watch this R, and Point my finger at a blue couch cushion. As I raise my arm the cushion floats up into the air. R gets excited and says, "wow bruh, that's amazing!" I wave my hand back and forth and the cushion shoots all around the room. I let the cushion fall and do the same thing with a fork, this time making it zig zag all over the house.

I walk to the door and open it, now I'm in the parking lot of a mall. It's that kind of dark where the sun has just set. It's raining Big Drops. I walk into the rain and feel the cool water hitting me. There is a lot of people hanging out by their trucks. I see a large roving band of clowns walking around. I say to myself, one of those clowns wants to have sex with me. I walk over to the clowns and see a pretty one. I say hey pretty clown, want to go have sex over by that church? She shrugs and I take her hand.

We walk over to the Chinese restaurant/ church and start making out. I unbutton her clown shirt and beneath it is a zipper. I unzip the zipper and there's still more shirt. She smiles at me and I just pull the shirt over her head. She is wearing an aquamarine bra. I reach behind her to unclasp the bra and can't find the hook. I feel in the front of the bra and find it. I kiss her a little more and pull her pants down. She turns around and bends over and I'm trying to figure out where her vagina is. Eventually we figure it out and start going at it. I look over and see a pretty latina lady sitting on a park bench next to a big stack of fireworks. She's watching and I say to her, look, if you can shoot that roman candle off before I finish, you can join in. She grabs the candle and starts looking through her purse for a lighter, The feeling of sex is too intense and I wake up.

I have a suspicion that someone I know is going to try to steal from me. We are hanging out and he is giving me a shaky vibe. He leaves the room but his day planner remains. I look through his planner and see several instances that suggest his plans to rob me. I feel a surge of nervous energy, betrayed and angry. I want to get violent, but at the same time I'm finding it hard to believe that I could be treated like that. I start looking for ways around my living room whereby I can take the thief down without using violence.

It is a dark dank room with three black podiums in the center. On top of the podiums are bright red game show style buttons with the names of places in front of them. Covering the buttons are glass serving dishes like you cover a cake with. As I look at each button a horrific atrocity flashes through my head. I understand that each button allows me to correct a terrible moment in history, one is a natural disaster, one is a terrorist attack and the third is an unjust war. As I walk to the terrorist attact I see a flash in my head of the ripple effect of history, how in that attack was a little girl who would grow up to me a terrible demagogue. Her reign on this earth would reinstate worldwide slavery. In my mind's eye I see myself chained in a spaceship bound for the sun being killed for dissent.

I am part of some kind of dragon olympics and the dragon handler that is in first place wants to accuse me of cheating because I all of a sudden begin winning. That is to say, suddenly I know the difference between a dragon and a hole in my ass. I look down at my hands and I'm wearing huge oven mitts on each one.

I need to argue my case about whether or not I am a winner of a contest.

Today I am auditioning for some kind of american idol singing show. Randy Jackson is behind the table with two other people that I don't recognize. I have shoulder length brown hair that is dripping wet and I'm wearing a flannel shirt and torn jeans. The judges are laughing at me for being unprofessional and I wait for them to finish. When they do, I sing my first song, Pearl Jam's Yellow Ledbetter, which blows them away. They tell me that I am going to hollywood.

I reply that I am ready for my next audition and they look confused. I comb my wet hair back slick and am suddenly wearing a gray and black pinstripe suit. Randy looks at me, impressed, and says "go for it dawg." I break into frank sinatra's "My Way" and the dream fades.

I am going to school in chicago but I've been offered a job in Montreal. I am going through my closet looking for things to wear. I also need to pack. After I find a button up light pattern shirt I start stuffing the rest of my room into three compact suitcases. I am not sure where my suitcases are at first but I find them packed inside of one another underneath my bed. My room is squalid and lit by an ugly harsh florescent light. Once I am done I go outside and realize that I am supposed to be playing in a baseball game. It's nighttime and the field is lit with huge outdoor lights. My team is yelling at me because I am not wearing my uniform.

I run back to my room and start dumping my suitcases on the ground, searching for my baseball uniform. People are coming into my room and asking me if I am ready to move to Montreal, If I have enough warm clothes. I say is it going to be that much colder than chicago?

They reply, "aren't you from louisiana?" and laugh. At that moment I find my base ball shirt and run back out to the diamond.

My new boss is leading me through endless gray corridors. He is talking about the company and its history but I'm not really listening. Something is amiss and I can feel it, but I can't tell what it is. After a bit I notice that we have been walking down this corridor for a very long time without any doors. I ask him, Where are we going, and he seems surprised by my question. As he stammers, I peer at him. I can tell that he's been caught without an answer. Now I think to do a reality check. I hold my nose and take a short breath. He gets annoyed with me and says "just what do you think you are doing?"

I reply, "this is a dream, I am dreaming." His face glows red as he demands to know how I think I know this. I say "watch" as I hold my nose and when I start to take another breath…

I wake up

I just took a new job as a Janitor in a castle. There is a room that's been shut off that they want me to take care of. Inside of the room is a big dragon. I’m trying to find humane dragon traps but the building I'm working in has none, nor has it any weapons capable of killing a dragon. I distinctly remember a company policy forbidding using any piece of company equipment in a way not generally authorized or intended by the manufacture. I ignore this and start sharpening the handle of my broom to a point. Soon I have a pretty ugly spear and I'm ready to go into the room with the dragon. I peek through the awning window on top of the door and see that the dragon is currently feasting on a dog. This makes me very angry. I sneak in to the room as quietly as I can through the top window and am able to get the drop on the dragon. I Jab it as hard as I can from behind into the most vital spot I can imagine and it starts to gush a sticky, wet, acidic, pink, blood like substance. This goop is getting all over everything in the room and I think to myself about how difficult this is going to be to clean. Then I go back to stabbing.

I am living in an apartment in a subdivision of caves in some fantasy world. Outside of our door is an infestation of baby dragons so I have to call for an exterminator. I tack a posting for the job on the bulletin board outside of the church. Apparently there is a lot of trouble with work lately so I get a pretty long line of people to interview for the job.

First is this Dwarf Barbarian with Fur armor and a battle axe that is twice his size. He tells me that he will smash and crush all dragons for a fee of 3 gold a dragon plus an extra 15 for the queen mother. I say thank you and that I will get back to him.

Next is a little weasely elf in a member's only jacket holding a box cutter. He says he'll kill all the dragons, queen included, and bring me their hides for a flat fee of 75 gold. I thank him.

Then a mage comes in wearing a bathrobe and sneakers and says that for 20 gold total she will teleport all of the dragons away and I'll never have to see them again. I say to her, well if you just teleport them away won't they just be someone else's problem then?


She sort of shifts her feet and looks down. Is this some kind of a scam where you put dragons in people's front cave yards?