Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

I'd sooner think it's the Clonazepam So I either sleep all day or have anxiety attacks all day.
Then again, I had sleeping issues before the med. It just seems worse now.
I wish I could afford Provigil. That med is a miracle (for staying awake)

all these drugs fix nothing!!!!!

and I'm jelly of your guys ability to sleep all day. Truly.

^^ I guess I'm jelly of the fact that you can't, son

I miss the days of waking at the crisp, infant dawn, when the sky is pink, reflecting rainbows off the early dew.. misty lawns, funny sounding birds that I never hear at any other time of day. The air is still, and quiet, like a blank canvas and my mind is so clear and full of endorphins. That is the only other time I feel I could conquer the world, besides when I awaken from a particularly delicious lucid dream.

No I'm normally really tired and just have to go to school and sit in some stinky class room with stinky people. And observe all the ants waking up and going to their jobs and what not. I'd rather sleep through it.

Ugh... I called about the home visit, actually got ahold of her and she was like: "We had something scheduled for today?" Yeah. We did. But it turns out, she's 9 months pregnant and can no longer travel anyhow. Someone else will have to do it when she finds a replacement next week. And they HAVE to do it at the house because it's to establish home visits with my youngest daughter.
Which means, I'll have to go all the way out to the Farm for such times. Zee's wall alone will keep her from being able to come home. Plus, she smashed up her bed, so there's no where for her to sleep except a cot (though she actually tends to sleep in my room).
Plus, my son is still home so she wouldn't be allowed to be around him anyhow.

I'll be damned if I'm going to repair her wall again. If she ever gets to come home SHE'S going to repair it. And she would forever sleep on the cot unless she earned money for a new bed frame (she's gone through several).
But everything is fine at the Farm other than there's absolutely nothing to do. But hey, the stove and fridge works

I'm so hung over today >.<
At least I had a great time most of the evening. Though I did turn into an obnoxious, self-pitying, arrogant emokid at the end.

Originally Posted by khh

Though I did turn into an obnoxious, self-pitying, arrogant emokid at the end.

I do that from time to time when really drunk. But only if I was already kinda feeling it before I started drinking to hard.

Spoiler for Just more venting...no worries :D:

I don't know what this is, but I took an hour and a half nap just now.

I woke up, and I swore I relived some type of phenomenon, but it was probably too short (yet at the same time from that short moment, it felt like I was there for a long time).

I decide to rest on my bed a little more, and all of a sudden, I could recall things I did today, yesterday, and the day before. Not everything, but some freaky crap went on inside my mind. I can't really explain this...maybe it's photographic memory, or maybe I'm just crazy.

I'll just go with the latter....but still, I swore I had a dream within that 90 mianute nap!

You know how you have a long ass experience, but wake up and realize it's only been a short time span in real life? I felt like my mind completely did one of those space/time extensions...and I know there wasn't a REM rebound, otherwise, I would've actually recalled something from the potentially longer REM cycles that would've compensate for sleep deprivation...

I really hate those moments of taking naps...this is just crazy! I thought it was Saturday already!

Complaint:

I feel my mind is going through brief moments of several moods. It's not like bipolar disorder where I'm crying and then suddenly happy.

It's like being in neutral facade, having several thoughts racing inside of me, deciding which one to accept, contradicting the ones that were not allowed to come into manifestation, going back to the ones I accept, then denying those things with some other form of rationalization.

Then I go into the phase of thinking about cute animals, then thinking about seeing their heads chopped off, smiling a little bit, almost wanting to laugh because of such fragile composition from these creatures, and then a lingering thought comes to the "rescue" to stop thinking about something so cruel.

It's as if I have several racing thoughts while retaining some sanity in my physical visage, it's like literally stopping time and space itself just for a few seconds, but within those seconds, it feels like longer moments.

Is it me or when I see a cute animal, I try to express feelings that it's cute, and give the silence release of being enticed by it's behavior that make humans go "awwwwwww."

What if you grabbed that cute little bunny by its neck, felt its pulse, and just wanted to apply more pressure until the blood starts spewing out. Don't people find that to be cute? Awww look at the cute wittle bunny with it's head being popped off. WAIT, that's WRONG MAN! But at the same time, I'm not denying this thought in my head....it keeps growing for a while and then fades when I find another thought to experience....

I went to a site that had some horror story before I slept (maybe 15 minutes early). I saw the same story yesterday, but I felt like scaring myself just for fun because when you scrolled down on the site, it would show an animation of a women being blood dripping down, and then if you scrolled more, she would come at you really quick.

I thought would've developed a tolerance for it seeing as I saw it before, but she scared the muffins out of me! I was really scared for those few seconds, but was glad that I was afraid. I thought to myself, "What if I didn't react to it?" Then I started to speculate on being incompetent in sensing fear.

After those few seconds of fascination over a simple human defense mechanism, I started to think more about this lady with blood dripping on her head, and imagining what I would do if my mind were to associate that in a dream. So I had my hand up in the air, imagined her head in it, and trying to crush it gradually, going like this --><--

It's like it's a habit now that whenever I see some weird crap going on in waking life, it seems natural for me to shadow what I would do to defend myself if my mind would associate it with a dream.

Because I already know from seeing that horror story, that it would obviously developed a scare....and not just because it was a nightmare, it's just that at the speed it would be going (and in dreams it might've went even FASTER), it would just seem natural for me to freak out.

But that's the thing, when I speculate on developing a stoic and basically monotone personality in my dreams, it's sometimes just too difficult to always do that. I know you don't have to be too calm to where you can't enjoy the experience, but it irritates me that if I were to have a dream, I would probably wake up in fear and be like "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU MIND!!!"

Also, the more people I find that I really hate, like hate their guts, like I would love to see their insides turned inside-out so fast, that the pressure would just be so painful for them.

Then a thought that rationalizes that cruelty comes to save me from indulging into the pleasures of said cruelty would basically say in an indirect way, "Hey, what if a person wanted you to experience that? You'd think you would like that?"

But when I look at people, and see how weak they really are, just by seeing them express themselves as weak and shy, while I put up this pretentious facade in outside for reality to assume that I'm serious (but really, I'm just walking blindly to wherever I need to go).

It really gets annoying sometimes, but it's always fun to see how my mind creates these little clips of how pathetic this person is compared to me. Then I feel like crap again because I know that another person might be looking at people just to find out what's pathetic about them as well.

But it's not something I think about too much, it's just for a short period of time, but it starts to add up. It's like I'm making half-second scenarios for some people, then they die off and I can just sleep and wake up and forget about what I thought about the person the next day.

Which leads me to concluding that no matter how many people may hate you, no matter how much you hate a person, they are a mortal. That's fairly common sense, but people have this way of thinking this person is going to be a problem for them forever, when in fact, if they just exploded right in front of you, of you felt the blood splash on your face, wouldn't that give you a sense of relief?

It's not out of spite, but just because you know that you will die as well, and you appreciate this mentality that isn't good for one's overall moral health, but you just don't give a FUCK on what's wrong with it because you know your mind isn't going to try and become more tempting to do horrible things.

It's like thinking about bunnies' heads exploding, while keeping a smile on your face to another person. Yes, there's a term for that, but I'm too lazy to give a crap about that. But I find myself doing that a lot lately.

It's like there's this demon sprite on my shoulder nudging at me at how easy it can be for me to be considered an asshole towards another person, which makes me shake my head furiously sometimes because I don't want to see the potential of that happening, but I let it go through my mind because I know if I keep it back, it will continue to manifest.

Is my mind expressing my hypocrisy even more and showing me that it isn't big of a deal to worry about being a hypocrite?

Cliffs: To see how people make themselves weak, thinking that you're superior over them, and then coming back to the realization that you are susceptible of being considered weak to another person, but your mind denies it as it saturates your logic with this ignorance, but knowing that it wouldn't want you to actually carry out the act, just to linger in the moment of possibility.

Then enjoying how I'm a hypocrite, and not really giving a crap if there is anything wrong with being one.

Last night went okay. It was just a night with 'the boys' and a lot of few drinks. It feels like my was-good-friend is a lot douch'ier. Maybe it's just because I don't like him a great deal (I don't like him, but I wouldn't say I dislike him a lot.) There were a few people up on the roof, which I thought was pretty damn stupid, but they didn't seem to want to come down.
I'm not sure if I want to stay over tonight just because I want some alone time, I like being alone. My girlfriend can't come tonight because she has to work, which makes the whole night a lot shittier.

Link, looks like you'll get about twice as much rain as we in Austin.

Lucky.

I have to start taking them down. Not the direction I wanted to go necessarily, normally I prefer that I am an adult, and you are an adult. But this is my LIVELIHOOD. And my son's. And you think you have the right to pull the fire alarm without even consulting me first, just in case, oh I don't know, just in case you got the wrong end of the stick? Tool. NOW I'm being a not adult. I HAVE to be a not adult to deal with another not adult who has power over me and my paycheck and the survival of me, my son, my whole family. I have INSURANCE you cum bubble!

That's twice. Any other person would say WAR at this point. I'll give you one last shot. Then I'm knocking your dick in the dirt you lazy, obsolete sack of shit. Oh yeah, almost forgot, you will LOSE.

Hell hath no fury + hand that rocks the cradle = your balls in shreds. Not a criticism mind you, just an observation.

Probably, but it doesn't affect me other than not being able to ride my bicycle if I have to go somewhere.

Complaint: I hate when I motivate myself that I will have a lucid dream, and tell my mind that I will remember my dreams but I wake up, and I'm like "FUCKCCKCKCK I NEED TO SLEEP"

It's like my mind is---wait nvm I already complained about this.

Rant:

I want to find Kaomea in my dreams, but I'm also thinking about going back to finding EVA from Metal Gear Solid 3 again, but I don't know what to do now!!! I just want to find someone to love in my dreams! I'd like to get into Astral Projection/OBEs, but I don't know...I'm afraid she may not be a potential Twin Soul. I think we're good friends, but then again, it's probably just me being able to make friends easily if I want to feel their energy...

No, it's not an act for desperate sex, it's just seeing interaction at a different level other than the boring appearances waking life gives. Damn it subconscious, WHY AREN'T YOU RELATING WITH ME RIGHT NOW?!?!? I come on a lucid dreaming forums and end up interacting with people in on the internet when I should be having romantic lucid dreams!

What is wrong with me? Damn it, I didn't come on this forum to just talk to people and crap....I came here to motivate myself to lucid dream!



But now that I think about it, it's not my subconscious, it's me. Lately, I've been too lazy keeping myself up, I keep blaming my subconscious, apologizing to it, hoping that it would be nice to give me some dream recall, even a lucid! But nooooo, it's me. Even though my subconscious is me, maybe I just hate myself? I don't understand anymore.....

I'm bored inside my apartment complex when I have free time, why can't realize that dealing with the problems of waking up for a WBTB is what I need to do?

I don't know how much my priorities are on attempting lucid dreaming...it seems that each day, I just wake up realizing I have to do something, and forget about the dreams I've had. It's only during on the weekdays, but I know Tuesday is the day I can sleep late, but I JUST CAN'T FIND ANYTHING NOW.

Maybe I need to dream about Eva, but again, that might just lead to me being more depressed.


DAMN IT! I know there are many people who are having a hard time lucid dreaming, but I want active lucid dreaming to be a part of my life! I know I can become a more positive person if I can know that most of the nights I sleep, I can lucid dream. I even read motivation guides like Mancon's.....but I STILL forget!

I just want to FREAKING ksdvjbghklsdfjhs FREAFSDNJAKGSDGADKFGJGsa I Don't CARE GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE

kgfjsdU UGGGHG!@!~! DAMN IT! FREAKING almost 7 months in Dream Views, and only a collection of crappy Dream Journal entries I've made. Non-lucids SUCK, THEY REALLY DO. I don't care about this "oooh non-lucids can be memorable and fun too!"

NO SCREW THAT! It's all about lucids BABY...non-lucids are only fun for a WHILE. LUCIDS are fun as long as I'm living.

Damn it..............DAMN IT!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY.CAN'T.I.GATHER.THE.MOTIVATION.TO.LUCID.DREAM?! !?!?1

I HATE THIS I HATE MYSELF I HATE THIS BULLCRAP..........

I just want to do insane things for once...sit in a jet, and do a HALO jump at 130 miles per hour....but no, I just keep taking for granted at the joy thatcan extend throughout waking life from lucid dreaming...

fdaskjakjsdgkj....

Edit: Holy hell....I never knew I could be this sporadic :x

You need a change of scenery, my friend.

EDIT: Eh, screw it.

It's almost 4AM and I can't sleep. Normally that would be just fine and dandy by me. But I get to spend the day with my kids tomorrow. I have to leave at a little after 10, pick up Destinee by 11, be at Zee's place by Noon crap.... I put down that I wouldn't be to see Myles until 2:30. WTF was I thinking?! Grrrrrrrrrrrrr. I'm *supposed* to see him at 1:30. Or maybe I'm overly sleepy and my math is even more screwed up than ever...
*going to check my notes*
Crap. I really DID tell them 2:30-3:30. I guess Sis (Destinee) and I could grab a snack at Cracker Barrel or something. I'll call them in the early AM and see if I can change it to what it should be. Me and my stupid brain

Anyhow, I have to have Sis back by 5 and I am REALLY not in the mood for any of her angst because she can't go home.
Good God, last time she cried, cursed and occasionally screeched just because I wouldn't drive all the way home.

Snuffanuff got loose again Last night he got loose simply by tugging on his chain until he slipped out of his collar. This morning, I rigged it like his dads so it's more like a choker collar than anything. He chewed right through it. I may have to look for a real choker for him.
My little dog is being super restless tonight and driving me batty. And Vlashki (the male bird) is being annoyingly loud and vocal. We play a whistle "game" and when I don't mimic him perfectly, he throws a fit. Sorry bird, I'm a great whistler and all but cut me some slack!

Oh yeah... I'm also officially and completely out of Silver Nitrate sticks and I have a small boil on my back. Hubby doesn't know if he can even still order them and he doesn't like me having them anyhow because he's afraid I'm going to poison myself.
They are the most freagin practical things in the world. You have a small skin tag- burn it off. A small (benign cyst)- burn it out. I even removed an annoying mole I've had all my life on my knee. BUT, I had those sticks for almost a year at least.
I think they're the most amazing things in the world and I REALLY hope he can get me some more!

**EDIT**
Woot! If hubby wont get them for me, I can buy them off of eBay I read a bunch of posts and I can't believe how many people can't tolerate the stuff. They find it incredibly painful. It feels like nothing to me most of the time. Sometimes it feels a little like dabbing salt on a small cut (especially on the tongue!) I love the feel of that sort of burn. Then again, I am strange....

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

It's almost 4AM and I can't sleep. Normally that would be just fine and dandy by me. But I get to spend the day with my kids tomorrow. I have to leave at a little after 10, pick up Destinee by 11, be at Zee's place by Noon crap.... I put down that I wouldn't be to see Myles until 2:30. WTF was I thinking?! Grrrrrrrrrrrrr. I'm *supposed* to see him at 1:30. Or maybe I'm overly sleepy and my math is even more screwed up than ever...
*going to check my notes*
Crap. I really DID tell them 2:30-3:30. I guess Sis (Destinee) and I could grab a snack at Cracker Barrel or something. I'll call them in the early AM and see if I can change it to what it should be. Me and my stupid brain

Anyhow, I have to have Sis back by 5 and I am REALLY not in the mood for any of her angst because she can't go home.
Good God, last time she cried, cursed and occasionally screeched just because I wouldn't drive all the way home.

Snuffanuff got loose again Last night he got loose simply by tugging on his chain until he slipped out of his collar. This morning, I rigged it like his dads so it's more like a choker collar than anything. He chewed right through it. I may have to look for a real choker for him.
My little dog is being super restless tonight and driving me batty. And Vlashki (the male bird) is being annoyingly loud and vocal. We play a whistle "game" and when I don't mimic him perfectly, he throws a fit. Sorry bird, I'm a great whistler and all but cut me some slack!

Oh yeah... I'm also officially and completely out of Silver Nitrate sticks and I have a small boil on my back. Hubby doesn't know if he can even still order them and he doesn't like me having them anyhow because he's afraid I'm going to poison myself.
They are the most freagin practical things in the world. You have a small skin tag- burn it off. A small (benign cyst)- burn it out. I even removed an annoying mole I've had all my life on my knee. BUT, I had those sticks for almost a year at least.
I think they're the most amazing things in the world and I REALLY hope he can get me some more!

**EDIT**
Woot! If hubby wont get them for me, I can buy them off of eBay I read a bunch of posts and I can't believe how many people can't tolerate the stuff. They find it incredibly painful. It feels like nothing to me most of the time. Sometimes it feels a little like dabbing salt on a small cut (especially on the tongue!) I love the feel of that sort of burn. Then again, I am strange....

What do these sticks do?

Silver Nitrate

Sometimes I worry about what my father thinks about me. He's not really a strict type of person, he always told me his mother was way strict compared to what he tries to instill to me. He was only strict when I was younger, which is obvious since so much can happen when you're that little, and it kind of died off when I got into High School.

Sometimes I wonder if he thinks I have shit for brains or something. I never really had that many conversations with him, so I guess that's my fault for him having ignorant speculations.

I honestly wonder how the hell he could think that if me getting to college wasn't even that hard in the first place, especially in a Tier 1 University!

I keep gathering shit from the past, but seriously, Do you honestly fucking think that I was socializing with people or something? Parents really just...I HATE IT, you CAN'T HATE THEM....because that will just make you more miserable....but still. DAMN IT LOL.

Hell, I was invited to go to an IVY LEAGUE COLLEGE....but no, obviously THAT'S NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU FUCKING IGNORANT PRICK? I HAD TO SETTLE FOR TEXAS A&M because you thought I wasn't going to do well in an IVY LEAGUE SCHOOL?

HELLLO!!!!!!!!?~?!? GOD DAMN IT! It would've been nice to Dartmouth College, then again, I guess it would've been better majoring in Biochemistry here in A&M rather than law or political science in an ivy league.

But still....I had the grades to receive enough financial aid for an ivy league school..FUCKING IVY LEAGUE LOL. Do you know how many BLACK MEN get into that? NOT A LOT YOU ASSHOLE!!!

If only he knew how college worked, he would've automatically sent me to an Ivy League school, faster than kim kardashian's divorce. Nope. $30,000+ a year is not a lot, especially if 50% of that money would be refunded to you ANYWAY...

Just fucking IVY LEAGUE....ugggggggggghhh I hate this....BLEGH what's the fucking point in bitching about it anyway. At least I won't be in debt, but having:

Black Man : Went to Dartmouth, Majored in Law (or some type of science)

Hell, even FUCKING CORNELL invited me! CORNELL GOD DAMN IT.

I HATE THIS SHIT! I WAS GOING TO IVY LEAGUE SCHOOLS....and I barely even fucking tried! I could've gotten to Yale if I actually gave two shits about my future! But nope! Had to settle for the lower ranks of Ivy League Schools, and conform to this public university.


Loool, I really took for granted of my competence in attracting High Tier colleges....whatever....hopefully I can get a chance when I apply for graduate school.....MAYBE...

But at the same time, all of these opportunities given to me at the time when applying for colleges, I feel like I didn't deserve it. I knew I worked hard to get to college, but at the same time, I felt like a certain side of me controlled everything to give me those chances of having "Ivy League student" in my name.

Sigh....regrets regrets REGRETS NOTHING BUT REGRETS....guess life isn't all about Ivy League I guess, even if it would help A SHITLOAD when looking for a job.

People are so susceptible to word of mouth...yet I never took advantage of that. fjasdkgjsdkghjdkgh I'm done with this stupid rant.

Bulllshit venting at it's worse....

Another trip down regressed memory lane...I shouldn't even be pissed at this, it's been over a year since I was worried about this...

Originally Posted by Linkzelda41

Sometimes I worry about what my father thinks about me. He's not really a strict type of person, he always told me his mother was way strict compared to what he tries to instill to me. He was only strict when I was younger, which is obvious since so much can happen when you're that little, and it kind of died off when I got into High School.

Sometimes I wonder if he thinks I have shit for brains or something. I never really had that many conversations with him, so I guess that's my fault for him having ignorant speculations.

I honestly wonder how the hell he could think that if me getting to college wasn't even that hard in the first place, especially in a Tier 1 University!

I keep gathering shit from the past, but seriously, Do you honestly fucking think that I was socializing with people or something? Parents really just...I HATE IT, you CAN'T HATE THEM....because that will just make you more miserable....but still. DAMN IT LOL.

Hell, I was invited to go to an IVY LEAGUE COLLEGE....but no, obviously THAT'S NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU FUCKING IGNORANT PRICK? I HAD TO SETTLE FOR TEXAS A&M because you thought I wasn't going to do well in an IVY LEAGUE SCHOOL?

HELLLO!!!!!!!!?~?!? GOD DAMN IT! It would've been nice to Dartmouth College, then again, I guess it would've been better majoring in Biochemistry here in A&M rather than law or political science in an ivy league.

But still....I had the grades to receive enough financial aid for an ivy league school..FUCKING IVY LEAGUE LOL. Do you know how many BLACK MEN get into that? NOT A LOT YOU ASSHOLE!!!

If only he knew how college worked, he would've automatically sent me to an Ivy League school, faster than kim kardashian's divorce. Nope. $30,000+ a year is not a lot, especially if 50% of that money would be refunded to you ANYWAY...

Just fucking IVY LEAGUE....ugggggggggghhh I hate this....BLEGH what's the fucking point in bitching about it anyway. At least I won't be in debt, but having:

Black Man : Went to Dartmouth, Majored in Law (or some type of science)

Hell, even FUCKING CORNELL invited me! CORNELL GOD DAMN IT.

I HATE THIS SHIT! I WAS GOING TO IVY LEAGUE SCHOOLS....and I barely even fucking tried! I could've gotten to Yale if I actually gave two shits about my future! But nope! Had to settle for the lower ranks of Ivy League Schools, and conform to this public university.


Loool, I really took for granted of my competence in attracting High Tier colleges....whatever....hopefully I can get a chance when I apply for graduate school.....MAYBE...

But at the same time, all of these opportunities given to me at the time when applying for colleges, I feel like I didn't deserve it. I knew I worked hard to get to college, but at the same time, I felt like a certain side of me controlled everything to give me those chances of having "Ivy League student" in my name.

Sigh....regrets regrets REGRETS NOTHING BUT REGRETS....guess life isn't all about Ivy League I guess, even if it would help A SHITLOAD when looking for a job.

People are so susceptible to word of mouth...yet I never took advantage of that. fjasdkgjsdkghjdkgh I'm done with this stupid rant.

Bulllshit venting at it's worse....

Another trip down regressed memory lane...I shouldn't even be pissed at this, it's been over a year since I was worried about this...

Congratz on getting into an ivy league school! I am sure your dad is really proud of you although he might not show it.... Maybe he doesn't want you to become haughty and that's why he's still hard on you.. But how can he not be proud of that?!
I think 30,000 is a lot of money to a lot of people, even if you get a scholarship for half of it. I think it's a lot. For one year or three?

No nono nonono I didn't get into an Ivy League School. I went to Texas A&M University instead. I meant settling for lower Ivy league schools that weren't Yale or Harvard, but I decided not to apply to them because I knew I could be in debt.

Sorry, I didn't make sense there.

I mean settling for the other Ivy League schools, but going to a public university here in Texas that wasn't Ivy league.

Edit: And yes, for one year in college, but it wouldn't have been so bad if I could land a position in the money grabbing oil companies back in Texas..

But "they invited you" so that means you applied & were accepted, but you turned down their offer?

By "inviting," it just means that they wanted you to come to a session to show what the college had to offer, which basically means, "Hey, We think you're good enough to come here to be a part of us, but we'll just wait a little while until you're done with graduation and done applying for us...but look at how cool our college/university is!" kind of mentality.

I was already a shoe-in for Dartmouth, but NOPE. Had to go to another school because the house me and my father lived in wasn't good enough, which fucked up the schedules for me to take my SAT/ACTs...and after two more schools, I just thought to myself, "Just fuck this shit....I'll just go to A&M, and get the same education as the Ivy League Schools." Even my counselors in High School told me about this. And I just took the ACT without really having time to prepare while worrying about staying in the top 3%.

If I had stayed in one high school, I would've been in a much better situation to where my father could just SHUT THE FUCK UP with this "You need to do your best so that you can get a good job"

Rice University was another option for me, but again, too expensive, and counselors thought I wouldn't get in, even though I fucking got invitations to see what Ivy Leagues schools had to offer.

I'm over it now though lol. It's just that if I went to Ivy League, my father couldn't say SHIT to me. But this is just me being paranoid, when he told me to do well, he did it in a normal way, but I just hated anything he would say to me, so it's just me being ignorant and focusing on my own well-being.

:/

Anyway, time to clean the Dishes!!!

I stubbed my pinky toe on god knows what and now it's red, swollen and hurting.
Also, more recently, my friends have been wanting me to hang out with them or go do stupid/boring/dumb/useless/general things i dislike shit. Then they get all fucking offended if I don't want to hang out all time and do their idiotic things.
I already don't like going out, and they know that. Yet they keep on fucking persisting and I'm stubborn so I usually don't give in. (Though I'm a pushover with some things). They end up guilt tripping me so then I become an assertive ass to get the message across, then I generally feel bad but they should know this all by now <_<

I ran out of spaghetti sauce... so I was forced to make tomato-mushroom sauce with garlic, basil, and red pepper.

So it's a complaint and a rave, because the sauce was delicious but took an extra 15 minutes to simmer down.