Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

Fucking heart palpitations I can feel them in my throat and they FUCKING SUCK. And they scare me so much D:

And I just had a laughing attack because of how funny they feel...

Normally my laughing attacks last about 5-10 minutes, thankfully this one was only a couple minutes

@puffin

I honestly don't know why these types of people that try to judge your life even exists. That's really pathetic of her, when I read that post, I felt like strangling your friend (I'm sorry, but you don't deserve that shit from her).

I think it's because she had sex with her boyfriend that made her too delusional. In fact, I bet that sooner or later, she's going to want to break up with her boyfriend, but it will be already too late because they already had sex, which would obviously be an excuse to say things out of spite.

I honestly don't know why she's pestering this about you. It seems like she's like a tumor that keeps talking and talking...I mean, I don't mean to insult your friend, but man, she is really a BITCH.

It's going to be interesting when she breaks up with her boyfriend, so she doesn't have to profess like she's a pornstar or something....

I think she's just freaking jealous...I think when friends who aren't really friends see others go out with someone who is respectful to them, their egos just like to create an illusion that they're not.

I'm sorry if any of this might irritate you, but wow, you don't deserve an incompetent friend like that in your life. God, I can just feel your friend's energy right now, and I want to destroy it... >.<

Puffin... why DO you hang out with her? I really don't want to sound rude, but she sounds like a stuck-up and very insecure bitch. If all she's ever doing is judging your relationship when hers is clearly no better than yours if not much worse, and you can't even bring yourself to talk to her more than once in a long period of hanging out, then you don't need to be hanging out with her! She sounds like a terrible friend and from what I gather neither you nor your boyfriend have done anything at all to deserve this. You don't have to take that from her when clearly all she cares about is convincing herself that she's doing well by bragging about her crappy situation to you. Really... just stop hanging out with her. Let her know that you're done with her shit, and if she has a problem with it then maybe she should've tried being a nicer person. :T

Originally Posted by PhilosopherStoned

Oh I'm sure we all have mild problems. For example, I'd really like to take a piss but don't want to get up.

Hahah. Don't know why, you reminded me of this picture I saw once:

@ Link;
Nah, don't be sorry. I feel the exact same way you do, with a bit of depression and sadness thrown in there somewhere. xD Her boyfriend has only been going out with her for a little over four months, so unless this thing miraculously turns out well, it will probably be over soon. Her last boyfriend dumped her within a month because she was too clingy; she actually invited me to go shopping with her a good 5/6 months back, and I was surprised to see her boyfriend there too... And she just kept giving PDAs to him. I talked with her about it afterwards and she apologized, it was a genuine mistake and she learned her lesson - at least, I thought she did. But now things just seem really weird because it's like she took the whole thing to the next level.

It's hard to say if she's jealous or not. I don't think I'd get an honest answer if I were to ask her.

@ Alyzarin;
Honestly, this is the first time she's acted like this; at any other given time beforehand, things were fine and she was respectful, courteous and a good friend. Sure, there was an occasional slip-up (see above) but that's about it.

The thing is, I thought she was my best friend before this fight. Actually, she was the only real "friend" I had because my other best friend moved away. Now look where I am. One person in a graduating class of thirty-something students who doesn't share common interests with any of them. I barely opened my mouth at school today.

I've tried to avoid her in class when I can because if we're sitting near each other, neither of us say anything so it's incredibly awkward. Bowling is another story; I'm not sure what to do about that. Tomorrow I will be trying to talk to her one more time; if she says something inappropriate and persists, I'm breaking everything off because you're right. I don't need someone like her constantly making me feel bad. I feel like a bit of an idiot for letting this go on for that long!

Gaaah this is how forum retarded I am, I had a correspondence with melanieB I think it was, on a thread SOMEWHERE, where we talked about fondue. I thought it was funny that she said her dad made fondue accidentally with red wine and it stretched to the ceiling. I made mine with white wine, but it also stretched to the ceiling! I even took a photo of Danny stretching it, but I can't find the original thread hwere we were talking about it. I searched everyyyyyyyyyyywhere. So I'm posting the picture here, oh well:

(oops)

Originally Posted by Puffin

@ Alyzarin;
Honestly, this is the first time she's acted like this; at any other given time beforehand, things were fine and she was respectful, courteous and a good friend. Sure, there was an occasional slip-up (see above) but that's about it.

The thing is, I thought she was my best friend before this fight. Actually, she was the only real "friend" I had because my other best friend moved away. Now look where I am. One person in a graduating class of thirty-something students who doesn't share common interests with any of them. I barely opened my mouth at school today.

I've tried to avoid her in class when I can because if we're sitting near each other, neither of us say anything so it's incredibly awkward. Bowling is another story; I'm not sure what to do about that. Tomorrow I will be trying to talk to her one more time; if she says something inappropriate and persists, I'm breaking everything off because you're right. I don't need someone like her constantly making me feel bad. I feel like a bit of an idiot for letting this go on for that long!

Well, don't beat yourself up about it. If she was a nice friend before then I can understand why it'd be hard to want to stop being friends with her now. And that really sucks about your situation, but I can promise you that after high school things will get better, especially if you go to college. After public school you kind of get to redefine yourself and finally meet new people, and most of the people you knew during it will go off on their own life paths anyway. When I graduated I actively talked to more people that I would've called friends than your entire graduating class (is it really that small? o.o) on a regular basis. It's only been two and a half years now, and how many of them do I still ever really talk to? Two. Three during summer break. And even them I barely ever actually see, I just keep up with them because they're good, real friends, unlike the rest who were basically friends just because we all had to endure school together. But all of my closest friends now that I hang out with frequently I met after public school, and none of them even through college. And in college I made tons of more casual friends whose interests were much closer to mine and just generally enjoyed the atmosphere so much more. Things WILL get better. In the meantime, I hope your talk with her goes well, but remember to hold your ground if it doesn't. No one ever has the right to treat you like that and you don't ever have to give into them if they do.

Tommo, first off, raising a kid IS a chore. ESPECIALLY if she has to do it alone even 80% of the time. But a great joy should come from it as well. Everyone gets overwhelmed from time to time. She'd be inhuman not to feel stressed out.

Puffin. Before this boyfriend would you say you and your friend were almost as close as sisters? If the two of you shared that kind of bond (or if SHE thinks you do) she may be bitchy and forthright in her opinions. I agree that you should definitely have a heart to heart with her if you want her to continue being part of your life. Tell her to let you make your own mistakes without pointing them out all the time. Tell her one of the roles of a friend isn't necessarily to change what they see as being wrong but to help pick up the pieces if something bad should happen. But that she needs to hold her tongue and let the cards fall where they will. Unless she has first hand knowledge that he's some sort of serial killer or rapist, then there's nothing for her to "save" you from.
If she continues being an "an emotional vampire" though, definitely go your separate ways. I love my family but I can't spend more than a few hours a year with them without wanting to slit my own neck. Some people are just too unhealthy for us to remain close to.
It is one hell of a tough situation to be in though. My heart goes out to you.

Ophelia, AWESOME fondue lol and I loved the comic

My rant is that I took a long nap........ and still freagin dreamed of kittens and car accidents. Grrrr.....

Hey, Puffin, it sounds like she is placing all her own issues with her own relationship on to you and your relationship. She may not even be aware she is doing it. It sounds like she may in for a sad future.

Don't let it eat you up. It's not worth the heartache, worrying about opinions like that.

With luck she'll figure it out soon. If not...you have a good bunch here. I can say that honestly.

Good people in DV.

but but but butbut but butbutbut
but but but butbut but butbutbut

I'm so lloooost

Ophelia, I don't think it was me with whom you discussed fondue. We both responded to Zhaylin regarding cream cheese but that's the only thing I can think of that even closely resembles food.

Hmmm....a mystery.

Originally Posted by melanieb

Ophelia, I don't think it was me with whom you discussed fondue. We both responded to Zhaylin regarding cream cheese but that's the only thing I can think of that even closely resembles food.

Hmmm....a mystery.

It really is a mystery. I remember giving her dad an "A+ for effort", and she said the fondue looked like bubble gum and when they ate it, it got stuck in their throats.

I have become lost in the convoluted labyrinth that is DreamViews forum.

And don't tell me I dreamt it

Tommo: I agree with everything you're saying, but it's just like Zhay said, it can be tough doing most of the work alone. I'm not saying he doesn't do anything. I enjoy the time I spend with my son, definitely. Don't doubt that. It's not that I would like to leave my son with my husband all the time. I absolutely enjoy spending every minute every day with him. But you see, every now and then, I think I deserve a little me time, too. I mean, he's not that bad; however, I do have to ask permission to take a shower when he's just sitting on his ass playing video games. You know what I mean? It's like because he works and I don't have a job (bc I'm going to school, taking care of my son and housework) then in his free time, watching his son is "babysitting".

Here I go again. I seriously cannot make plans like he does, spontaneously. If I plan that I want to do something on a certain night a few weeks in advance, then it's really no problem, but if he's at home playing a game and I say, "Hey, I'm gonna go get coffee with so and so, I'll be back in an hour" he throws a fit, because he MIGHT have had something to do that he didn't tell me about.

I guess our main problem is communication here, but it is not for lack of trying.

You're right about pushing people away, for sure. Like I said, I've done that many times in my past it seems. I'm trying my best, and I mean my BEST to not let these little feelings get in the way (hence, why I'm here ranting instead of taking it out on my hubby.) Any other time, you'd be right and I would be crowding him. I do need to keep that in mind... at all times. I don't know. It's not all me though, and I know that. I'm not a horrible wife, seriously. I do everything I can to please him, but when pleasing him is hurting me, is that fair? No.

Do you think he'll wake up on his own? I mean... guys... how does this work?

That is why I tend to nag, and I hate nagging, but even when I have tried in the past to talk with him in a mature way, he just shuts me up and it turns into a fight, EVERY time. I don't think there is one real problem that we have ever solved because he doesn't see the things that are bothering me as problems. Granted, not everything is a big deal, but little things add up if he won't even discuss them with me in a mature way.

ugh... I'm sorry guys. I'm done, I promise. Thanks for the real talk though.

On a SIDE note... Puffin, I've had friends like that too. Sometimes you just don't need their negativity. If her behavior isn't making sense and she doesn't want to explain it, then don't bother trying to figure it out. If anything, she'll come to you if she values your friendship. Like Melanieb said, you've got a good group here. I hope it all works out for you.

Originally Posted by Puffin

Her last boyfriend dumped her within a month because she was too clingy; she actually invited me to go shopping with her a good 5/6 months back, and I was surprised to see her boyfriend there too... And she just kept giving PDAs to him.

In my head.... girl buying hundreds of these and giving them to her boyfriend.

Originally Posted by Suena

Tommo: I agree with everything you're saying, but it's just like Zhay said, it can be tough doing most of the work alone. I'm not saying he doesn't do anything. I enjoy the time I spend with my son, definitely. Don't doubt that. It's not that I would like to leave my son with my husband all the time. I absolutely enjoy spending every minute every day with him. But you see, every now and then, I think I deserve a little me time, too. I mean, he's not that bad; however, I do have to ask permission to take a shower when he's just sitting on his ass playing video games. You know what I mean? It's like because he works and I don't have a job (bc I'm going to school, taking care of my son and housework) then in his free time, watching his son is "babysitting".

Here I go again. I seriously cannot make plans like he does, spontaneously. If I plan that I want to do something on a certain night a few weeks in advance, then it's really no problem, but if he's at home playing a game and I say, "Hey, I'm gonna go get coffee with so and so, I'll be back in an hour" he throws a fit, because he MIGHT have had something to do that he didn't tell me about.

I guess our main problem is communication here, but it is not for lack of trying.

You're right about pushing people away, for sure. Like I said, I've done that many times in my past it seems. I'm trying my best, and I mean my BEST to not let these little feelings get in the way (hence, why I'm here ranting instead of taking it out on my hubby.) Any other time, you'd be right and I would be crowding him. I do need to keep that in mind... at all times. I don't know. It's not all me though, and I know that. I'm not a horrible wife, seriously. I do everything I can to please him, but when pleasing him is hurting me, is that fair? No.

Do you think he'll wake up on his own? I mean... guys... how does this work?

That is why I tend to nag, and I hate nagging, but even when I have tried in the past to talk with him in a mature way, he just shuts me up and it turns into a fight, EVERY time. I don't think there is one real problem that we have ever solved because he doesn't see the things that are bothering me as problems. Granted, not everything is a big deal, but little things add up if he won't even discuss them with me in a mature way.

ugh... I'm sorry guys. I'm done, I promise. Thanks for the real talk though.

That's good then, I just got the vibe that you were seeing it as a burden or something.
Well maybe you need to say what was just said here to your husband. Or what I said. Or maybe even just show him the joy that can come from
actually raising his kid instead of playing video games.
It is easy, I think, for the guy to be like "Well I work everyday and bust my ass so I need to relax" etc. So I think you maybe need to show him the it's not really
a stressful thing to play with your kid or just watch him while you go out somewhere etc.

I'm not sure how to do that, it may take some creative thinking on your part.

Originally Posted by Suena

Tommo: I agree with everything you're saying, but it's just like Zhay said, it can be tough doing most of the work alone. I'm not saying he doesn't do anything. I enjoy the time I spend with my son, definitely. Don't doubt that. It's not that I would like to leave my son with my husband all the time. I absolutely enjoy spending every minute every day with him. But you see, every now and then, I think I deserve a little me time, too. I mean, he's not that bad; however, I do have to ask permission to take a shower when he's just sitting on his ass playing video games. You know what I mean? It's like because he works and I don't have a job (bc I'm going to school, taking care of my son and housework) then in his free time, watching his son is "babysitting".

Here I go again. I seriously cannot make plans like he does, spontaneously. If I plan that I want to do something on a certain night a few weeks in advance, then it's really no problem, but if he's at home playing a game and I say, "Hey, I'm gonna go get coffee with so and so, I'll be back in an hour" he throws a fit, because he MIGHT have had something to do that he didn't tell me about.

I guess our main problem is communication here, but it is not for lack of trying.

You're right about pushing people away, for sure. Like I said, I've done that many times in my past it seems. I'm trying my best, and I mean my BEST to not let these little feelings get in the way (hence, why I'm here ranting instead of taking it out on my hubby.) Any other time, you'd be right and I would be crowding him. I do need to keep that in mind... at all times. I don't know. It's not all me though, and I know that. I'm not a horrible wife, seriously. I do everything I can to please him, but when pleasing him is hurting me, is that fair? No.

Do you think he'll wake up on his own? I mean... guys... how does this work?

That is why I tend to nag, and I hate nagging, but even when I have tried in the past to talk with him in a mature way, he just shuts me up and it turns into a fight, EVERY time. I don't think there is one real problem that we have ever solved because he doesn't see the things that are bothering me as problems. Granted, not everything is a big deal, but little things add up if he won't even discuss them with me in a mature way.

ugh... I'm sorry guys. I'm done, I promise. Thanks for the real talk though.

On a SIDE note... Puffin, I've had friends like that too. Sometimes you just don't need their negativity. If her behavior isn't making sense and she doesn't want to explain it, then don't bother trying to figure it out. If anything, she'll come to you if she values your friendship. Like Melanieb said, you've got a good group here. I hope it all works out for you.

I speak from the perspective of a parent of two kids, and it sounds like you recognize your feelings for what they are.

A mother often is a lot more ready for the commitment to raising a child. She's already committed her body to the act, and it really causes a woman to think about what needs to be done for the child. Some men get this very well also, and prepare very well for the commitment to raising children.

Some men do not. In general, people (both men and women) reach an age where their personality simply stops evolving, and they metaphorically remain at this age the rest of their life. In my world I can point to plenty of people like this, including my dad, who seemed to reach his height around age 19.

Sure, these people are great, smart, nice...but certain aspects haven't evolved beyond the level of when they were age 15, or 19, or 23. And this sounds similar to what you describe.

Your husband may be a wonderful man in many ways. My suspicion is that he doesn't recognize where you need him to...show that he is the kind of man you really need him to be sometimes, the kind of man who isn't perfect but pays attention to your feelings at least as much as he pays attention to his own. It is really hard to reach that point. I recognize my own issues sometimes, and I've really learned to listen.

Admittedly all our replies are based solely on a tiny bit of information in your posts, so we can only offer brief attempts at perspective. It sounds very much like you are paying attention to how you feel and recognize your feelings for what they are. Making your husband see things from your point of view won't happen in one conversation or even in one week, but nudges in the right direction may help him see that you and your child are worth a lot more than video games. It's important to work on these steps now because your child will need him more and more as he/she(?) grows up, and if he's still sitting around playing video games when it's time to start kindergarten, it could lead to stronger relationship problems.

I think it's true that everyone here is always glad to listen, and offer a sympathetic ear, advice, or congratulations when things go well.

Oh...and don't apologize. Talk like this is one of the many reasons people come to sites and forums like this. Making connections, sharing understanding, reaffirming that people are decent all over the world.

Ugh... my first hubby sounds a lot like (though much worse) Suena's, which is why I empathize so much.
Except we were too poor for video games (and I don't think he would have liked them anyhow). His thing was, he'd come home then go off driving for hours. I didn't have a license and he wouldn't have let me anywhere near his precious car anyhow. He loved his daughter, but ignored his older sons (we were split up by the time the youngest daughter was born). If I tried to talk about anything, he'd shut down and become majorly defensive.

He thought of himself as a P.I. and had tiny bugs here and there in the house at one time. He forgot about one and one night while I was sleeping, one of his friends came over (which woke me up) and I heard my hubby say he never truly loved me, he was just there for the kids. Talk about being heart broken. He dismissed it, saying I was making it out to be a big deal and it "wasn't"... his friends girl had just dumped him so he was trying to be of some comfort.
I was ALWAYS stuck in the house with NO help from him at all. I understand all too well being overwhelmed!

Anyhow... my rant is that I am sleepy. Again. What the heck?! I've slept most of the freagin day away!!!! And despite my stress dreams, I felt like I slept well. But I guess not if I'm still this tired.
And I have to take the trash to the road in the morning because my son pulled his back. I gave him 1/4 Valium, 2 Ibuprofen and a Tylenol and put him on bed rest. He's such a baby when he doesn't feel well. But I think he pulled it while moving a desk to my room. If it doesn't improve in a few days, I'll have to take him to the Dr. if he'll go.

Blah...

Originally Posted by Puffin

asdf

Your friend's jealous, plain and simple. She herself may not realize it but I think it's safe to say that she's more than just a little green. She's probably annoyed by the fact that despite the amount of time she spends with her boyfriend (plus the sex), you two seem to be better off. She probably doesn't think its fair or w/e, that's why she's being so bitchy. Her boyfriend behaved a certain way when he came bowling, and then she saw how your boyfriend was behaving in the same situation, that probably ticked her off. Your boyfriend is doing what she wishes her's was doing. That's my guess anyway. Just tell her that she needs to stop being a bitch (in a nicer way, of course) or else the three of you can't hang out together any more (at least until she learns to control herself). You might want to reduce the amount of time she spends around your boyfriend regardless though.

Hopefully that made sense, I'm a little under the influence and I'm having a hard time getting my point across.

@ Zhaylin with regards to your first husband: That's horrible. =/
@ Suena: I'm not sure if I can offer any nuggets of wisdom to cheer you up, but here's something even better:
-----
The DVR didn't record last night's episode of Seinfeld. :[

Thanks again and again. My god, if I just posted in this forum everyday I'd always feel like I can manage it. (Don't worry, I won't.) It's funny, him and his friend are here right now and they're both driving me crazy.

Just a little update: That girl isn't going with them because somehow their boss found out and told them it was "inappropriate". Then T comes home. I ask him what time he's going up there, (trying my best to be nonchalant, honestly, I just needed to know what time because I've got school). He tells me that he will go around noon. I said, "Ok, that's good." Then he says, "That girl isn't going anymore." I didn't ask right away. I've been kind of space-ish, so he decides to tell me why instead of me having to ask. .... I don't even know now. I mean, if his boss tells him he might lose his job for it, then he does it. I understand that. I think it IS kind of messed up that managers can't hang out with crew, but I told him the exact same thing. (LINK: YOU CALLED IT BRO.)

Why don't my feelings matter even in the slightest compared to his boss? I mean, I understand that losing his job means everything, but why wouldn't he listen to me in our very short conversation about it?

Another thing: And this is a question. How in the hell do I try to have a polite and progressive conversation with someone who shuts me up with anything that disagrees with?

Trust me, I've looked into my feelings long enough and even looked up relationship advice to see what I was doing wrong. I tried to tell him how it made me feel, in a way that was NOT angry, but in a way that was trying to understand why he couldn't understand me at the same time he understood his boss. I tried not accusing him of anything at all, just telling him how it made me feel.

What's his reaction? "Do you want to take a shot?"....

You see, this just gets more involved. Anyway, when he's not drinking... how can I talk to someone this stubborn?

I know you guys are only hearing it from one side, but I promise, I am trying my best not to exaggerate in any way. This is seriously how he acts. Anything he doesn't want to talk about, we don't, and anything that he tries to argue in response doesn't make any sense. He contradicts himself all the time. What do I do? I know you guys can't answer that, but I'm trying my best just to bite my tounge and figure it out for myself. I just don't know how much more I can take being ignored and feeling under-valued. I do so much for him... I wash his clothes every day because I WANT to. Because I WANT him to know he's got someone there.

I do all the chores in the house. And yes, I take care of our baby. I play with my son all the time in front of him. It doesn't make a difference except a small smile every now and then. I'm beginning to think he thinks he should view any girl as a money-grubbin' usin' a kid against him bitch..... I'm not that way, at all.

Sometimes, when we fight, and I tell him that I need to go for a walk, or a drive, just to clear my head... he thinks I'm leaving him. And that always resorts to "your tryin' to take my kid away!" ... I'm not like that at all. If he was physically abusive or in any way a danger to my child at all, yes, I would, but... if it's just because we have some relationship problems, I would never do that. I'm not like those girls... I don't know...

So.. yea.. I said I was done, but I guess this is the song that never ends.

Gavin: I've missed you! Thanks for the banana. =)

Zhay, Tommo, Melanieb: You guys are great, thanks. Zhay: I'm sad that you dealt with that too. But I'm also glad to have some feedback on the situation. Melanie: You are just such an insightful person, thanks. Tommo: You're as real as it gets. Thanks.

I feel better.. a lot better. I feel I can handle this for a little longer. I just wish I knew WHAT I could say to help him actually LISTEN and not just ... hear what I'm saying and tell me I'm wrong.

god knows how many methods I've tried..

Originally Posted by melanieb

I used to hate that as well, having to wait on a check to post so I could pay bills.

I have been with my credit union for a while, and because of the history we have they no longer put a post-hold on my checks, a service they don't tell anyone about but extend to long-time customers. I hope someday you experience the same.

For me it's the opposite. I get the 2 day lag with my savings account. Like, I post $200 in my son's college fund for example, but it doesn't post for two business days, when it says it will 'withdraw IMMEDIATELY'

To make matters worse, it will show that it has been withdrawn from my other account after the two days, ok fine, BUT THEN, when I check the college savings account, it doesn't post there until the THIRD day.

So, they're holding on to my money, a little bit longer at a time, here and there, to accrue more interest for themselves. That's my hypothesis. The bastards. Just don't say IMMEDIATELY. Ok. Say instead, "We will review for 3 business days at least, and THEN we will immediately this and that."

I just don't like that word, immediately, unless they mean it. I will immediately take a shit (3 days from now). Ouch, right?

Originally Posted by Suena

Thanks again and again. My god, if I just posted in this forum everyday I'd always feel like I can manage it. (Don't worry, I won't.) It's funny, him and his friend are here right now and they're both driving me crazy.

Just a little update: That girl isn't going with them because somehow their boss found out and told them it was "inappropriate". Then T comes home. I ask him what time he's going up there, (trying my best to be nonchalant, honestly, I just needed to know what time because I've got school). He tells me that he will go around noon. I said, "Ok, that's good." Then he says, "That girl isn't going anymore." I didn't ask right away. I've been kind of space-ish, so he decides to tell me why instead of me having to ask. .... I don't even know now. I mean, if his boss tells him he might lose his job for it, then he does it. I understand that. I think it IS kind of messed up that managers can't hang out with crew, but I told him the exact same thing. (LINK: YOU CALLED IT BRO.)

I feel better.. a lot better. I feel I can handle this for a little longer. I just wish I knew WHAT I could say to help him actually LISTEN and not just ... hear what I'm saying and tell me I'm wrong.

Dang, wish I had a girlfriend to actually give you advice on that. Maybe try softening him up, do something that prevents him from putting up his defenses when you're trying to tell him something. Maybe that will help with him being more open.

If you tell him how hard he works, and what big muscles he has, he might catch on that you're trying something, but might still fall for actually listening and not saying "no" or "you're wrong." (oldest trick in the book, but eh...)

You could act like "It's not me......it's the nickel!!!!"

It seems like a direct chat would make stuff like this so much easier to talk about.

If I was standing there I could ask questions, and make observations directly.

I'm glad to hear he isn't going. It's too bad he couldn't make that decision for you.

I don't want to say anything negative, because this is your life, and I would hate to influence it poorly, or give bad advice.

Hmmm....best thought on this is to keep working on him, trying to make any good idea you have seem to come from him instead of you (subtle manipulation to achieve a goal) and set a timeline for achieving progress. If certain goals or waypoints are not achieved, especially over a long time, then consider counseling.

Lord knows, all I wish for is that everything works out and he becomes the best dad and husband you could want. I hope it smooths out. But don't ever lie to yourself or try to convince yourself that your feelings are wrong. When you are consistently unhappy it can only lead to bigger problems, and you have enough on your hands just raising the child.

If it gets bad...talk to your family or a counselor.

You are great!

Originally Posted by OpheliaBlue

For me it's the opposite. I get the 2 day lag with my savings account. Like, I post $200 in my son's college fund for example, but it doesn't post for two business days, when it says it will 'withdraw IMMEDIATELY'
To make matters worse, it will show that it has been withdrawn from my other account after the two days, ok fine, BUT THEN, when I check the college savings account, it doesn't post there until the THIRD day.
So, they're holding on to my money, a little bit longer at a time, here and there, to accrue more interest for themselves. That's my hypothesis. The bastards. Just don't say IMMEDIATELY. Ok. Say instead, "We will review for 3 business days at least, and THEN we will immediately this and that."
I just don't like that word, immediately, unless they mean it. I will immediately take a shit (3 days from now). Ouch, right?

Instead of a transfer, or a check, perhaps try dealing in cash? What I mean is, withdraw cash from one account, then, turn around and make another transaction to deposit the money in to another account. Banks can't put a hold on cash, in my experience. With checks, get them cashed by the issuing bank, and then deposit them. I did that for a while some years back because I hated the hold period of up to 7 days for out-of-state checks. No problem with that any longer, but it was a pain years back.

I will immediately take a shit on the bank manager's desk. I won't even put a hold on it.

There's a gathering at my friend's house this weekend with no parents. My ex and her bf will be there, her bf was one of my good mates till they started going out. After that, we just didn't talk. Without going into details, it still kinda peeves me off and it there is some hurt. It's not that I think of her anymore or anything, but when I see them together, there's a sense of betrayal. :/