Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

'I find faeries in every tree nook, a portal in every dark space, and I "see" the motion in the air around me as a butterfly passes by.'

I totally agree with melanie link. Although obviously I'm not exactly a wise old man, nevertheless. When I was 16 I had enormous mood swings and depressions and crazy thoughts and I felt like I was a mess.

But in the few short years I've been at university, whether young me likes it or not, I am a completely different person. I'm calmer and happier, and the contrast between my mindset now and the chaotic depression I had when I was at school is amazing. I do not hesitate to say I am an entirely different person, despite the enormous cliche!

So yeah sorry if I sound patronising, but you'll get through any tough mental times you're having, and find your place... Just like melanie says.

lol, Melanie. I could use some of what you're smoking too

I barely recall recording my last rant last night. I ended up falling asleep soon after I wrote it... and I was able to have my blood work done today after all. I just got back.
I DO want another kid, but would I REALLY be able to accomplish all that was on my list? Am I truly capable of being a single mom again for 18 more years? If I get back in my Congregation, it would be very possible. But can I do even that?
Except for my dreams, God is little more than a passing thought during my life now-a-days. I'm still a believer, but I'm no "in love" with Him anymore I could change that pretty easily, but do I want to? And if not, why the heck not?!
I should also lose about 30 pounds before trying to get pregnant too. Would I be able to?

More for Link. Sorry you're feeling so bummed. I felt similar to how you're feeling when I was your age. For a lot of us, it seems, those feeling die down quite a bit with age. But I'm not sure that's completely a good thing It's nice to have those questions. It makes you strive for higher purpose and understanding.
When I saw my p-doc I told him about that baby who was almost buried alive and how it spawned the baby dreams (nightmares) I've been having. He told me that people die all the time, every day and he asked if human life was truly valuable. I said "yes" right away. He asked me why and I said "I don't know" then we laughed and I told him 'There's value in human life because of our capacity for kindness and compassion, our curiosity and intellect, our creative works.'
Those are things we accomplish with more meaning and significance in our waking life. If we do them only for ourselves, in our dreams, what value are they- really?

But now I wonder why that's our "goal". What if a person doesn't want kindness and beauty? What if they prefer destruction, chaos, murder lol
I guess, just find the thing that drives YOU (in waking life- though inspiration can be found from your dreams). Find your passion and don't worry about what other people might think of it.

My rant is that my temple is still sore from hitting it against something in my sleep about a week ago. I don't see a bruise, but it still bugs me.
Anti-rant: The canker sore/something at the back of my mouth is gone. I get them there every now and then (I recall in retrospect). But they're always very short lived. I don't know what causes the sucker but I suspect it's not really a canker sore but a blister or something triggered by allergies?

Originally Posted by Linkzelda

Lol.

I guess you could say I was presuming waking life to be an illusion.

Ah, I see. I love contemplating whether waking life is an illusion! Whether it is or not though, I feel my goal is still the same: to try to make it fun in whatever way possible. Call it hedonism, but as long as I get my work and school stuff taken care of, who cares?

Originally Posted by Linkzelda

What fueled that long rant of mine was the idea behind the Selfish Gene Theory

Selfish Gene Theory

God, see, my entire Ev. Psych book was built on that theory. I hate it so much! It comes down to psychologists thinking we're all selfish monsters on the inside. I prefer to think differently, for my own sanity if nothing else.

Originally Posted by Linkzelda

You see, when I find myself thinking that waking life is just gathering as much knowledge and experiences as possible to add on the the collective consciousness....it just seems too naive for me to believe it's only that.

But that's just me.

I don't think life is "just" about anything. Hence why I said "for me". Everyone needs their own meaning in life, and since I don't care about money, mine differs from most of capitalist America. I care very much about my friends, and about learning new things, so that is what I choose to focus on.

Originally Posted by Linkzelda

Yeah, when I do get a lucid dream, it kind of cancels out the negative things in life temporarily, but I haven't had those dreams that are powerful and life changing as yet, so I'm still trying to get there.

I haven't had any that earth-shattering either, but I try to appreciate every inch of progress I make. Maybe I ought to start recording my dreams online again...

Originally Posted by Linkzelda

Yes, balancing experiences in dreams and waking life is a challenge indeed, but that's not what I'm concerned about.

I was just concerned that even when one reaches that state, how long with it last before they take it for granted.

That's the question I was trying to answer to myself.

Taking dreams for granted? All the people who are lucid naturals sure seem to take them for granted. But having to earn them this way, I don't feel like you'll ever take them for granted. And if you do, that just means you're ready to take the next step and tackle something even tougher.

Pardon me if this comes across as rude, but it always seems like you're trying to run before you know how to walk when it comes to these things. You're setting very tough dream goals which are admirable, but then you get annoyed when they don't happen right away. I used to be the exact same way, but I'm beginning to learn that I need to cultivate patience if I don't want to go crazy. So... just try not to stress over things so much. You'll get what you're hoping for eventually, I'm sure.

Originally Posted by Singularity125

Pardon me if this comes across as rude, but it always seems like you're trying to run before you know how to walk when it comes to these things. You're setting very tough dream goals which are admirable, but then you get annoyed when they don't happen right away. I used to be the exact same way, but I'm beginning to learn that I need to cultivate patience if I don't want to go crazy.

Totally agree, I've been lucid dreaming for seven or eight years now and I still can't make them last for more than a few minutes. If I had set tough goals at any point I would have just made myself very frustrated.

Having said that, it's not like I've been trying as hard as I could

Just got in from about an hour and a half of raking up grass clippings. Then the dog was a muddy mess from running through the creek during that time, so I had to hose her off. After drying her off I had to change out of my jeans and shirt because the dog had gotten mud all over them.

So I guess that's not bad at all, and I feel better now that I'm done. Better than sitting in front of the computer for an 2 hours. Hmm, I just un-ranted my rant. I should probably delete this post.

EDIT:

Originally Posted by fOrceez

It really surprises me how absolutely stupid my brother can be. I just walked my dog in the rain because since we've been renovating, ripping out carpet, putting tiles in, taken the kitchen out, putting a new one in soon; he hasn't been able to come inside. He's started to get really anxious not knowing what is going on. He's is still being walked, but it has been pissing down rain the pass two days. I grab the umbrella and take my dog out for a walk, he doesn't mind the rain at all.
After coming home and crawling through a 1.5 foot gap they left open for the water to drain out of the garage - let's just recap that. I go out of the garage to walk my dog and they virtually close it. Try getting through that with a large golden retriever. Anyway, then I wiped my dog dry with a few towels - or at least as dry as towels can get, I go back out through the garage and towards the front door.
The rain picks up and it is absolutely pissing down by the point. I'm standing out the front door, ringing the doorbell (started ringing it continuously after 3 minutes). About 4 minutes in, I hear my brother from the back of the house "I'm in the shower!" REALLY NOW. Like i give a fuck that you're showering. I'm standing out in the piss cold, put a bloody towel on and open the door for me! You walked in the shower knowing that I was in the backyard drying Hero (my dog) off and the front door locked. Where is the logic in that, even? He comes open the door after about 7 minutes.. I counted.
And this isn't a one time thing that we escape through the back to get inside. It's to avoid letting my dog it. Normally letting my dog in wouldn't be a problem but since he's wet and we've got a crap load of furniture piled up from tiling and no kitchen, it is. He knows that. I don't know where the fudge his brain is at the moment.

This morning mum, dad and I were all up cleaning all the dust that had been spread through the house from the jackhammering of the old tiles. Guess where my brother is? Still in bed because he decided to stay up late playing video games with his friends. You'd expect when he finally does wake up, he'd start helping. Okay, he does.. but he's got so much of that piss-ass attitude teenagers give, that it ticks me off incredibly. I can't stand him and/or his attitude.

My little brother is a huge drain too. He is not only rude to me, but to a lesser degree the rest of my family. My parents would never put up with the stuff he does if it came from me. All they seem to do is yell at him because he constantly has a bad attitude. What pisses me off is that he goes out of his way to start things and cause trouble for me; he has no respect....This rant could go on for a long time (almost as long as some of link's posts, probably), but I'll cap it here.

No, just take the un-rant part, post in happy and cheerful thread, and both sides will be satisfied.

Wasn't sure where to put this, here or in the "Post if you're happy or cheerful" thread. *sigh* Anyway...

I'm doing this volunteer tutoring program at the library, where I meet up with a kid and help her with her work. So I had my first meeting with her today, and she came prepared with all her stuff, and I ask her what she needs help with. She tells me she needs help with adding, subtracting and multiplying decimals. So I give her a problem, and she's done before I can even finish it. Then I give her a really tough one and she's still done faster than me, and it's all correct. I couldn't even type it into the calculator by the time she's done. She's getting all the problems we do right, so I have no idea why she's even doing this tutor thing. However it's not like it seems as though she really wished she could go home.

This could be either a good thing, where it's smooth sailing for me and I get free community service hours, or a terrible thing because I don't know if I will have enough to do with her each meeting. And not to mention it's really awkward that I have to write everything out while she can do it in her head. Her book is a year past her grade, too. I figured it'd be "lolfractions" and "lolwordproblems." Decimals were easy, but she showed me these awkward logic puzzle things where there's a few clues and you have to figure out which number of items belongs to with person, and although I can do them, she's just so fast. And she wants me to make up some, but I can't just create problems like that on the spot. >________< What am I gonna do?

Originally Posted by melanieb

I read it too, Link.

If I had been on this site when I was 18 I probably would have sounded a lot like you at times.

But only at first.

As each year passed I spent more time with friends, and that really allowed me to become more comfortable with the world and my place in it.

Having children does help. I have a reason to live under any circumstance.

I'm not dependent on my children for happiness, or self-worth...but they do remind me of all the things I wondered about and valued when I was a kid. They help me find the magic in the world, the possibilities that both the waking world and the dream world offer.

I think that if I didn't connect to that magic, that "what-if" feeling I would be disappointed in so many things.

Instead I find faeries in every tree nook, a portal in every dark space, and I "see" the motion in the air around me as a butterfly passes by.


You know, reading what I just wrote, I want some of whatever it is I'm smoking.

Well, you're just compatible with many people I'm presuming. It's not as if I don't want to meet people, it's just that this isn't the time for me to be concerned with too many people.

Everyone is going to go their separate ways in college, and even though there can be bonds created through universities/college, the same mentality is considered to be the same in High School, but it's not.

And for college, I don't see any kind of lasting bonds after I'm done with it, especially the path where I'm going. Everyone is going for generic majors, I'm just going for one that most people don't really want to go into.

Sure there's going to be partners that I'll meet, but we'll only meet them because we need each other to further our own goals.

As much as the fairytale you were giving just now can make a person feel warm and fuzzy, I'll tell you the truth now, I've become so isolated from that friendship thing because I simply love avoiding it.

Friends can help sustain some reasons to still be breathing, yes, but I want to be able to create those same reactions for myself. I don't want to rely on others too much.

I don't mean to be insulting or anything, but what if something were to happen to a companion/friend/associate of yours, what if they're not there to be there for you anymore?

I don't mean the type of need where they have to be on you 24/7, just the times where they can do their best to show up and offer whatever competence they have to the given situation.

Originally Posted by Pensive Patrick

I totally agree with melanie link. Although obviously I'm not exactly a wise old man, nevertheless. When I was 16 I had enormous mood swings and depressions and crazy thoughts and I felt like I was a mess.

You don't have to be a wise old man to give advice, Patrick. I'm glad that you're giving insight on what you think, it's helping me sharpen my views, and I earnestly respect that.

Originally Posted by Pensive Patrick

But in the few short years I've been at university, whether young me likes it or not, I am a completely different person. I'm calmer and happier, and the contrast between my mindset now and the chaotic depression I had when I was at school is amazing. I do not hesitate to say I am an entirely different person, despite the enormous cliche!

So yeah sorry if I sound patronising, but you'll get through any tough mental times you're having, and find your place... Just like melanie says.

Thanks, I'm sure I will in time.

Originally Posted by Singularity125

God, see, my entire Ev. Psych book was built on that theory. I hate it so much! It comes down to psychologists thinking we're all selfish monsters on the inside. I prefer to think differently, for my own sanity if nothing else.

Of course, we shouldn't be confined to 'selfish monsters,' we're more complex than that, but it's just sometimes I shift back to the rudiments that would make others think I only focus on that aspect.

I don't think life is "just" about anything. Hence why I said "for me". Everyone needs their own meaning in life, and since I don't care about money, mine differs from most of capitalist America. I care very much about my friends, and about learning new things, so that is what I choose to focus on.

Well, having a father that wants me to get a good job, my views are a little different, so money is an important factor for me, not to satisfy him, because I'm far from doing that again, but for my own sake.

I'm not declaring that my father isn't important to me anymore, I admit, without him, I wouldn't have been here right now.

So in my own contradicting views on him, even though I'm trying my best to understand his own position, it's going to take a while for me to be more positive towards myself.

I've hated him so much for the wrong reasons, and now I'm just trying to go back to being neutral instead of being furious with him.

Pardon me if this comes across as rude, but it always seems like you're trying to run before you know how to walk when it comes to these things.

I don't think it's rude, but I will tell you this. I do plan these things out before I actually do them, it may not seem like it, but I don't really talk too much on all the things I'm going to do before I try something out.

You're setting very tough dream goals which are admirable, but then you get annoyed when they don't happen right away. I used to be the exact same way, but I'm beginning to learn that I need to cultivate patience if I don't want to go crazy. So... just try not to stress over things so much. You'll get what you're hoping for eventually, I'm sure.

Yes, I do get annoyed not getting done, and sometimes I just take a break from it, but it doesn't mean I want to give up on it completely, especially after all the effort I'm still trying to give.

There's a reason why I'm hard on myself with dream goals, because I know that in almost every dream of mind, I've had a collection of many many many many potential dream guides. I want the luxury of having just one, once I can do that, then I'll start accepting the possibilities of them appearing in many forms.

If I just take a break and try to dream naturally, I usually get dreams that I don't really need to know, so I have to convince myself to try harder, otherwise, my mind is going to give me crap, and I've noticed that in most of my dream journal entries.

Whether or not my subconscious is trolling on me, I'm not going to let it keep tricking me.

I have a somewhat decent knowledge on the basics of lucid dreaming, the only problem I'm having is consistency, feeling the experience of going into the dream state. I know that with practice, I'll get it eventually, but I don't want to keep delaying, I just don't like that.

All of my life, I've had to learn things quickly, whether or not if it will give me huge amounts of stress.

Like drawing for instance, I didn't know crap about it when I was younger. I took an art class, the teacher was difficult as hell, so I had to bust my ass off if I wanted an A in that class.

What I didn't realize is that through all hard work, it's much easier to draw now.

It's just that I've been in constant moments where it's either you go through a lot of pain and struggle to quickly learn things, or just save it later on when you learn how to deal with the more tedious tasks first.

If I learn things passively, and slowly, I wouldn't have gotten anywhere. It's the thought of being skilled in as many things as possible is what I'm striving for, and by many, I mean the essentials that would be everything for a person.

Yes, I do complain, I do whine, but it's what I've always been doing for most of my life, but I always end up learning things quickly because of it.

The fear of incompetence is part of the reason why I am able to learn things quickly.

I don't like doing things long-term that can obviously be done short-term with enough devotion and practice.

Especially with dream recall, because I had a passion for dreaming when my friend introduced me to this site, I went all out in being able to remember my first dream.

That same night where I convinced myself I would remember my dreams, I did, and for my first time, it was pretty long for a beginner. Since then, I've been practicing my dream recall as much as I can, and now, it's easy to remember my dreams, as long as I get enough sleep.

It's through pushing myself to learn things quickly, that they become engrained into my mind just like that.

To me, when I go through ambitious and almost impossible goals, I learn so much more than taking things periodically.

I rather have as much in my collection than to take too long on one aspect.

Yes, sometimes taking your time to learn the fundamentals might take a while, and can't be rushed, but there's a point where you have to start getting serious.

Sometimes doing something difficult helps click in the fundamentals, if I stay within those basics for too long, I'm going to get irritated either way, so it doesn't matter what I do, which is why I pick the difficult path.

It's not the goals that are hard exactly, it's just getting lucid that's hard. Once I become lucid, I pretty much remember those the most, and can extend so much from them because I've learned to gather snippets of my experiences, the feelings, etc., that I can go on and on, while still staying in range of the length of the dream of course.

Everyone is different, some can lucid dream naturally, some can't without years of practice...I just want to learn it quickly, I don't want to spend too long practicing it.

I forget the idea that lucid dreaming takes time, that's just nonsense to me, because if we can easily do it, what's the excuse in using other people's stories to try and validate that I can't get it done in a shorter period of time?

I just don't see other people's experience as the only merit to define how I should take things with dream goals.

Originally Posted by Pensive Patrick

Totally agree, I've been lucid dreaming for seven or eight years now and I still can't make them last for more than a few minutes. If I had set tough goals at any point I would have just made myself very frustrated.

Having said that, it's not like I've been trying as hard as I could

Like I've said, I set these ambitions on purpose because they click in much quickly than taking things passively and calmly.

And the reason why I'm a sporadic person to some of you, is because I've noticed I'm a different person when I'm lucid in my dreams. All I'm doing is confirming those feelings between waking life and dreaming life to see if I'm dreaming or not.

It's because I'm not as lucid, you can't really see the other side of me as much, so everyone is left to assume that I'm stressed out for no reason, when it fact it's the same stress that gives me more skill to add to my collection much quicker.

I'm all for learning as many things as possible, which is why some people don't really like my that much. They'll start to see that I'm ambitious, which makes them think they aren't needed anymore, and it's apparent that people get pissed at what I want to do, so if they want to regress my ambition, I simply ignore them.

I can't just let people bring me down like that, and I'm not talking about you guys, I'm talking about people who start getting insecure towards me in waking life, and just because I know one thing, they love jumping to the conclusion that I simply know everything , when I obviously do not.

I know I have my strengths and flaws, but it's superiority and inferiority complexes that makes you see only patches of who I really am.

That's why I'm sure most of you are confused on who I am, because I'm a different person in different situations.

And because I tell so much about myself, it can irritate a few people, because they believe that no person should be doing that, but I really don't care what I say about myself. I know what to keep a secret, and what to give to others.

If people are bothered by this, then they need to understand themselves more than jumping to conclusions about me.

I don't think a lot of people strive to understand themselves more through their own capabilities.

Friends can help find reflections of yourself, and I admit I'm already looking for these reflections, but even when I do, I don't want to rely on them too long.

I just like being in solitude in certain things, and if people don't think that's a healthy and sane practice, then I guess they have their own opinions.

People think I show all that I am, but this is just a piece of myself.


I'm grateful for all your responses, but it's just that I already know what I have to do, but I'm not saying that I know everything. I know I have huge huge hugeee gaps in my knowledge, but it's more fun solving them on my own. That's how I was brought up, to be introverted. It just feels comfortable knowing who I am before I deal with a large group of people.

@ Singularity, It may seem that I'm doing things without planning at first, but I do plan these things out, you're just seeing my complaints, not the progress that I've kept aware of since I joined this forum.

I keep that progress hidden.

Link you never cease to baffle me.

Well, hubby didn't laugh me off the face of the planet In fact, when I asked him, he had a sheepdog-shy smile on his face- with a touch of confusion
He told me I needed my head examined at one point (in a joking manner). He also said he didn't think he could get me pregnant on his own after his hernia surgery.
But, his initial reaction seemed positive. It's not sunk in yet, however.

He said the woman in his life right before me tried everything in her power to get pregnant and he was fortunate to dodge that bullet because she wanted a child for leverage. I reminded him that we've been together for 14 years and he should know me better than that and trust me by now.
He did the math lol and said he guessed I was right.

I'm absolutely glowing from the very thought of having another kid

BUT... and here comes my rant... I have a LOT of work to do. 1) Quit smoking 2) Fix the house (the only 2 things I mentioned to hubby ) 3) Get a Doctors okay 4) See just how serious hubby will be about seeing a doctor himself.
I will also homeschool this child because one of the main things I did wrong with my kids was sending them to these schools.
But then the State has to okay the idea and I become angered just thinking of THAT process. They can bite me

But, for now, I'm going to enjoy my last 3 packs of cigarettes ever, eat some sushi, watch Hulu and wait for my daughter to call.

Link, I'm definitely not talking about any kind of fairy tale.


So, I'm going to share here...with everyone.


Yesterday a friend of mine committed suicide. I just found out this evening.

He was the Assistant Scoutmaster for my son's Boy Scout troop.

At the meeting tonight we had a gathering to talk about what happened and to...come together. I think we had about 70 people show up, including one of ths sons of my friend. That he showed up spoke volumes for his strength and courage.

It has been a rough evening, and I'm trying to distract myself from dwelling on things too much.

If I seem emotional at any time during the next week...please understand. I'm not mad at you, or trying to come off like an ass. This is just a hard time, especially with so many friends and kids involved.

The amount of good energy displayed by all who attended this evening was truly amazing. It's refreshing to know how good the people are around me, ready to support the family who has lost a husband and father.

I didn't need to share any of this here. I'm sharing it because I just felt like talking, writing.

And I really need some good distractions.

Ugh... the situation I mentioned before is turning into a circus. The kid with the netbook? He got to use it for a day, so I figured everything was swell. Then his mom apparently took it away from him again. Who the hell would do that? What is she trying to teach him? Urgh... I'm too burnt out to show how angry I am over this. I just... I'm so sick of this. So, so sick of it... >.>

Anyway, to Link: I suppose we have different views on things, yes. I was a serious introvert too, growing up (probably the Asperger's, though I try not to flaunt it) yet I consider friends the most important thing there is in life. I know I said knowledge before, but if I could only pick one or the other, I would pick friends. College was an amazing time for me... I got a fresh start with people who didn't know I used to be socially awkward, and made several good friends. In fact, my roomie and best friend (the one who split the netbook cost with me)... well, he's moving to Colorado after we graduate, and I'm going with him. People wonder why, and ask what jobs are out there... but I couldn't care less about that stuff. I'm an extremely close friend with him, and even though it's purely platonic, he's practically a soulmate. I would work at Walmart if I had to, just to stay nearby. Honestly, I feel like this is the sort of stuff to live for.

Clearly, you see friends as mirrors for personal growth, and little more... and I agree that the people around you ARE mirrors for growth, but... there's something to be said for close personal relationships. You seem jaded and distant sometimes, that's all (and I think I said distant once before...) If that's how you want to live life, I guess more power to you, but everything in my life would seem meaningless without my friends. And I read what you said above, about the pain that would come with losing them. Yes, I would be absolutely devastated if any of my close friends disappeared... but does that mean I should avoid making close friends in the first place? The joy that comes from sharing life with them is well worth the eventual pain, in my opinion, and I know they feel the same way.

...sorry, I know I'm preaching to you now. I'll stop. Blame it on the general bad mood I'm in, for various reasons.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

so much stuff.

you're going to have a baby? or did I read that wrong?

or that post was about to want to have another baby

oooooo i'm excited either way.. if I'm reading all your post wrong, please understand it's because I'm retarded.

melanieb, I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to you and his other friends and family. Since you said you wanted a distraction, I'll avoid asking about it... but know that we're here if you want to get any more out.

@melanieb, I'm sorry to hear that.

@Singularity, don't worry about it, you don't need to apologize to me. I don't deserve this kind of humility you're giving me. You're obviously the stronger person, you have your goals set out, you have people who respect you. You do not have to apologize for what you believe is right.

I was being cynical, and I went too far. I'm the one who should be apologizing, but I know it isn't going to make things better. So I'll just leave it at that.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

Well, hubby didn't laugh me off the face of the planet In fact, when I asked him, he had a sheepdog-shy smile on his face- with a touch of confusion
He told me I needed my head examined at one point (in a joking manner). He also said he didn't think he could get me pregnant on his own after his hernia surgery.
But, his initial reaction seemed positive. It's not sunk in yet, however.

He said the woman in his life right before me tried everything in her power to get pregnant and he was fortunate to dodge that bullet because she wanted a child for leverage. I reminded him that we've been together for 14 years and he should know me better than that and trust me by now.
He did the math lol and said he guessed I was right.

I'm absolutely glowing from the very thought of having another kid

BUT... and here comes my rant... I have a LOT of work to do. 1) Quit smoking 2) Fix the house (the only 2 things I mentioned to hubby ) 3) Get a Doctors okay 4) See just how serious hubby will be about seeing a doctor himself.
I will also homeschool this child because one of the main things I did wrong with my kids was sending them to these schools.
But then the State has to okay the idea and I become angered just thinking of THAT process. They can bite me

But, for now, I'm going to enjoy my last 3 packs of cigarettes ever, eat some sushi, watch Hulu and wait for my daughter to call.

How old are you? Just curious. You should know that the risk of complication, defects etc. raise dramatically after 38-40 years old. Good luck though.

Sorry to hear that melanie. Not much I can really say, it sucks. Just talk to some people IRL, and remember it will be alright.

I was going to come in here and complain about not having beer. But there are some heavy rants goin on now... saying this almost seems like it'd just be a smack in the face to some members here. So I won't complain (even though I already did, sort of).

Heads up guys/gals.

While I can't really say I "enjoy" so-called lesser rants, they help keep things in perspective for me. So rant away Sefalik

*hug* Melanie. I am so sorry to hear about your loss and your communities loss.

Tommo, Ophelia... I'm going to be 38 years old on the 28th of this month. My time is quickly running out. I'm not having a little one yet. I may never have another one. But I'm seriously considering it and I've spoken to my hubby about it. He and I were sexually active for 12 out of our 14 years together. I never used any birth control so a natural pregnancy doesn't sound likely. I'll see a doctor to check myself out, but hubby's pretty certain the problem lies with him (the 2 kids he had with his ex are 12 years apart).
Regardless, I need to get my life in order: Stop smoking, clean and fix my house, get back with my Congregation. So even if I never get pregnant again, those are things to strive for and the idea of having another baby might be the motivating force I need to straighten up. And once I'm there, I'm "home free".

@melanie. My condolences. But like you say, and from my own personal experience, when a terrible thing happens it brings your community (whether it be friends or family) closer together and you see the best side of people. It gives you faith in humanity for a change.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

Tommo, Ophelia... I'm going to be 38 years old on the 28th of this month. My time is quickly running out. I'm not having a little one yet. I may never have another one. But I'm seriously considering it and I've spoken to my hubby about it. He and I were sexually active for 12 out of our 14 years together. I never used any birth control so a natural pregnancy doesn't sound likely. I'll see a doctor to check myself out, but hubby's pretty certain the problem lies with him (the 2 kids he had with his ex are 12 years apart).
Regardless, I need to get my life in order: Stop smoking, clean and fix my house, get back with my Congregation. So even if I never get pregnant again, those are things to strive for and the idea of having another baby might be the motivating force I need to straighten up. And once I'm there, I'm "home free".

Well, the only solution is to fuck like jackrabbits. Suck him dry

I haven't slept for 38 hours now, and I still don't feel tired. Heart rate still elevated from it's normal 48bpm to about 70-80bpm. >_>

All I can do is wait.

That REM rebound is going to ride you like there's no freaking tomorrow.

It certainly feels that way. Just by closing my eyes, I can see a projection of a dream extremely vividly.....I just can't fall into it. Feels like I've had 10 expressos.