Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

I was trying to get on and kept getting a blank white screen with the word "caspian" on it. Well, DV is working now. I wish I took a screenshot.

Originally Posted by Taffy

I was trying to get on and kept getting a blank white screen with the word "caspian" on it. Well, DV is working now. I wish I took a screenshot.

That's... odd. >.> I wonder if anyone else saw it?

Ah... I hope so. Or else people will think I'm crazy. :T I did reality checks though, and I wasn't dreaming.

Originally Posted by Taffy

Ah... I hope so. Or else people will think I'm crazy. :T I did reality checks though, and I wasn't dreaming.

It was stuffing up for me but I didn't get anything saying caspian.
hmmmm....

And it's still stuffing up now, had to write this twice.

My rant is I found a river with gold flakes in it on my holiday. I took a heap of sand/rocks/dirt and tried to filter it out now but much of it is too fine to get out.
I procured some of it, but had to flush a lot down the drain. Ah well.... wonder how much what I've got is worth

And I can't edit my post, so I'm double posting. What's going on DV?

^I couldn't agree more :'D.

So my rant is that my overdose was quite bad lol omg. Basically I was just allowed to take 2 pills a day, and there had to be 12 hours between taking the 2. So just one in the morning and one in the evening. I didn't know that so I took 1 pill every 4 hours or so. The first night I could feel my heart rate slowing down, I honestly thought I was going to die omg. And I felt this weird feeling in my chest. Then I saw flashing lights in my room and I could hear voices. I thought there were beings in my room. So I got scared alot. At first I thought I was about to have an out of body experience lol. But now I looked on the meds paper and I've read the symptoms from an overdose. And it said: 'fear, depression, hallucinations, heart rate slowing down, heart failure, stomach ache,.. The name of the medicine was Ranitidine EG. And I actually overdosed another medicine aswell lol. I was allowed to take it for 3 days and not longer. And I've been taking it for 9 days or so. I currently have to take 6 different meds for my stomach, throat, headache,.. For the past few nights I've been laying in bed trying to sleep at night. And it takes 4 hours until I fall asleep and my stomach hurts quite bad actually. And my heart sometimes hurts aswell. Do you guys think I'll be fine in a few days or not? o:

Another rant: I always make the wrong decisions and regret them later. It's just ridiculous.

And another one: My dream recall is shit probs due the overdose though but still.. asdfghjk

Originally Posted by tommo

My rant is I found a river with gold flakes in it on my holiday. I took a heap of sand/rocks/dirt and tried to filter it out now but much of it is too fine to get out.
I procured some of it, but had to flush a lot down the drain. Ah well.... wonder how much what I've got is worth

And I can't edit my post, so I'm double posting. What's going on DV?

Try right-clicking it and opening it in a new tab. Have you read http://www.dreamviews.com/f17/forum-issues-138063/ thread yet? Though the last notice said everything should be in order....

Also, you found a river full of gold!?

Originally Posted by Crashyy

So my rant is that my overdose was quite bad lol omg. Basically I was just allowed to take 2 pills a day, and there had to be 12 hours between taking the 2. So just one in the morning and one in the evening. I didn't know that so I took 1 pill every 4 hours or so. The first night I could feel my heart rate slowing down, I honestly thought I was going to die omg. And I felt this weird feeling in my chest. Then I saw flashing lights in my room and I could hear voices. I thought there were beings in my room. So I got scared alot. At first I thought I was about to have an out of body experience lol. But now I looked on the meds paper and I've read the symptoms from an overdose. And it said: 'fear, depression, hallucinations, heart rate slowing down, heart failure, stomach ache,.. The name of the medicine was Ranitidine EG. And I actually overdosed another medicine aswell lol. I was allowed to take it for 3 days and not longer. And I've been taking it for 9 days or so. I currently have to take 6 different meds for my stomach, throat, headache,.. For the past few nights I've been laying in bed trying to sleep at night. And it takes 4 hours until I fall asleep and my stomach hurts quite bad actually. And my heart sometimes hurts aswell. Do you guys think I'll be fine in a few days or not? o:

Well, I won't rule out an potential interaction with the other medicines you're taking since I don't know what they are, but if it calms your mind it's known that ranitidine is extremely difficult to have a fatal overdose on. It sounds to me like, again, barring some interaction, you were mainly getting just some uncomfortable feelings like in your stomach combined with anticholinergic effects, as some generation 2 antihistamines like ranitidine do have some antimuscarinic activity. This causes very uncomfortable sensations and delirium, which can often include hallucinations, short-term memory loss, dissociation, and anxiety. Changes in heart rate, feelings in your chest, flashing lights, and hearing voices are all common symptoms of anticholinergic delirium. I've experienced them all myself several times on intentional overdoses of diphenhydramine, of which I've taken up to 1000 mg all at once (the pill dosage is 25 mg). The feeling is horrible, and it just gets worse and worse. You feel like your whole body is dehydrated, your heart is beating at irregular intervals and very weakly, your body spams and little bit and feels electric shocks, and the voices and white lights turn into full-blown dream like hallucinations often involving horrifying scenarios. It basically feels like death... but you don't die. You just kind of wish you did.

Give it a day. Anticholinergics have a hangover, and side effects can stick around a bit after they really shake you up. Don't fail to hesitate if you heart continues to hurt for an extended period of time, however. Alert someone at the first moment you feel true cause for concern.

Originally Posted by Crashyy

Another rant: I always make the wrong decisions and regret them later. It's just ridiculous.

It gets a little better with time, you eventually make so many wrong decisions that it gets easier to notice them beforehand. >.>

Originally Posted by Crashyy

And another one: My dream recall is shit probs due the overdose though but still.. asdfghjk

Correct. It'll come back. Mine would usually bounce back really strongly for a couple days whenever I would trip on diphenhydramine.

I just cannot seem to understand these Chemistry questions and the textbooks I have seem to convey the information in a way that just confuses me.

I thought DV was working fine. Now it's screwed up again.

After seeing tommo's post getting deleted for no reason, I'm worried about posting any DJ entries. I feel so helpless and empty because I can't use my DJ. o_O

Fuck! WHY DID I DO THAT???
I just typed my reply and it screwed up, then I typed that it screwed up and gave a brief description of what I said and then it stuffed up again!!!!
Why did I not copy and paste!???? WHYH!!?!@?>>?????

Damn it all to hell!

Today was an interesting day.

Rant:

Spoiler for Rant Part 1:

I was walking back to the parking lot after groceries, and saw a lady holding up a cardboard sign. She was shivering, making groaning sounds, and I could do nothing but just keep moving, as if she was just amphibian shit or something. I knew that I couldn't do anything to help her, I can't just give her my credit card and everything will be all dandy.....but I still can't get over myself on how I just dashed through her, completely ignoring her fragile body retracting.

I normally don't care about other people's lives less fortunate than myself, because I know that the horrible attempt for empathy isn't going to benefit me. One part of me says that I just have to move on, and the other is just disappointed how I couldn't do anything. But that other side knows that things aren't always supposed to be fine and peachy.

I also hate it when people have to remind me of things that I can do MONTHS later. Like really, I'm trying to prepare for final exams like any other college student, and you're telling me that I should be doing that? Like really? Do you know what happens if I fail college if you want me to prioritize something that can easily be done later? There would be no point in seeking that other goal you want me to obtain, you're just a pile of shit. Stop trying to remind me on what I need to do, you broke the opportunity, and I'm sure as hell not going tolerate your craving to just order people around when I can just leave your ass permanently.

Don't fucking compare me to a child who did this....so fucking what? It's not as if that fucker is a genius in the first place.

[narcissism]

Who's the one that behaved himself during his teenager years? Who was the one that breezed through everything while knowing that those who made fun of him would end up in the shitters when they realized that they can't ignore education, otherwise, it's just going to be easier for the reality of this world to swallow them up? Who was the one that remained silent and decided not to completely fuck with people's minds, showing them how pathetic they really are?

Ha, before you start comparing a child with me, remember that I never compared anyone else who would be a more suitable father figure than you. Stop being annoyed that I'm not doing anything wrong. Stop being annoyed that I'm not acting like a rebellious young adult. Stop your fucking meddling on things I need to do. Stop trying to sustain your half-assed, broken pieces of what you consider your fatherhood.


I'll always love you as a son, but ....Actually, I'm still questioning how I really think about my behavior to you in the first place. You broke yourself, you didn't break me. I'm glad I saw your flaws at young age, it makes getting away from you more compelling each day.

[/narcissism]

Spoiler for Part 2: Maybe a bit too evil:

Okay, now to dissociate myself to something else.

For random people I've met in my life, both in real life and on the internet.......If you fantasize a glock being shot, the bullet going through my head, be my guest. Speculate on that possibility, it's not going to happen. Either you kill yourself now so you can go into permanent dreamland, or get over yourself and realize there's something more than sporadic content that makes me an annoyance, or bullshit to you.

No, I'm not trying to make anyone kill themselves, just doing horrible sublimation of thoughts.

The more you give me indirect cues of what goes on in your mind, your explicit mind full of blood and gore, seeing that I'm dead just because you're "annoyed" at me, the more I'm going to masturbate on that same content because I know deep down, you're just a pretty little angel wearing an ugly facade.

It just turns me on so much knowing the fragility of my own mind, and other people's minds who loathe me or despise me. It's absolutely wonderful that no matter what body has that conception of hatred towards me, they are not absolute. The only thing for certain is the directions I can take in my life. Everything else that isn't important to me, they are just distractions.

Yes, I can get off from insults, humiliation, anything you can give me, I adore humans who can come up with such negative expressions of their confusion over me. I love that when you fantasize on shortening my mortality in your horrible illusion, you're just going to decay more and more until you don't have enough energy to perceive a simple thought. I'm going to decay as well, so really, what's the point in both of us fantasizing blood blood blood blood?

Okay, sorry about that. It's going into a landfill anyway, so whatever.

Okay, now for the good stuff.


Anti-rant:

So I made a blog post on one of my favorite Youtube AMV creators. I'm afraid to mention her username, for fear that she might find this out, but I doubt she would know anything about lucid dreaming. Her post made my whole day, it made me tolerate the nonsense I went through for the past few days. I just wish I could be sure on my direction in the situation I'm in right now, but seeing her confess gave me a lot of mixed emotions.

I know I'm not perfect in trying to help people out, because I'm just as pathetic like any other person, but I never knew that I was basically the only one that saw the real meaning behind her video.

Most people in her video comments are like:

"OMFG MY OVARIES ARE EXPLODING FROMT HIS VIDEO...OMFG STAPH DOING THAT OT ME SO AWESUM"

And she always responds with a gently "Thank you"

I was always fascinated on how she focused on the specific moments in the series, in this case, Naruto Shippuden. I'm not going to link to my blog, because that's just stupid, but her response on YouTube:




My reaction:





Rant: What's sad is, that even after what I did for her, I'll still feel that I shouldn't enjoy it, because of how much she revealed herself to me. God. I'm such a sicko.

Anti-Rant Part 2:

This girl is so awesome, at least in the opinion of a hardcore AMV lover.

If I gave the content in the blog, the video would make sense to pretty much anyone. But meh, whatever, I'll just throw in the video anyway.

God, I want to just be happy that I was the only one to understand her message, but at the same time, I feel I should've just kept this a secret between me and her. But you know what....I already gave too many secrets in the first place.

With Luisa, with Isaura....pffffft. Whatever.

Spoiler for Video:

I really don't know where to start. Basically I'm just tired and I just wanna lay in my bed all day. I don't feeling like doing anything at all. I'm already stressed out for taking the bus tuesday. I don't wanna get up in the mornings tbh. I like my work but I don't see me doing that for 60 more years lol. I just wanna quit school and work, and start travelling. But that's not possible. So I was wondering aren't there any meds I could take without needing a prescription. That can make me feel completely numb?

I'm pissed off when things change, and I'm pissed off when they don't change.

I just don't know.

Originally Posted by Crashyy

So I was wondering aren't there any meds I could take without needing a prescription. That can make me feel completely numb?

Let me begin by saying that it is very much against my moral code to tell people how to find drugs for reasons such as that. However, I'll spare you the speech on why escapist and self-destructive attitudes are so dangerous (for now) because of what I feel is a far more pressing concern. Normally I would tell you that yes these drugs do exist, but no they're probably not quite what you mean, and no I won't tell you what they are. That's normally... but this time I will, and I'll explain why. Please make sure you take all of this in very well.

If you pursue this mindset and take these questions elsewhere you will find your answers easily regardless of what I do. The big over-the-counter recreational drugs are dextromethorphan and diphenhydramine/dimenhydrinate. It's unlikely that most people will be able to tell you more than those two, and most people will caution against the latter. Both of these drugs will significantly numb you to the outside world, but they will not literally just shut you down like alcohol or pain killers like heroin would do. They are both powerful hallucinogens which will put you in dream-like states in addition to their anesthesia, which may or may not appeal to you depending on your definition of "numb". The thing about them that separates them from drugs like heroin is that they don't cause you to feel numb from euphoria, they cause you to feel numb from just removing your physical and emotional sensations and rational thought. Dextromethorphan is a dissociative and is heavier on the loss of sensation, and diphenhydramine is a deliriant and is heavier on the loss of rational thought. They both provide both, however. The reason that diphenhydramine is cautioned against is because it's significantly less safe than dextromethorphan and is almost universally despised because of the incredibly negative atmosphere the experience often has. It is also the drug that I mentioned in my previous post, the response to your overdose situation. The "recreational" effects of diphenhydramine will be exactly the same as your overdose except stronger, so I'm sure I don't need to explain any more to you how unfun it is. Dextromethorphan on the other hand is often considered a hit or miss; there are lots of people who enjoy it and lots of people who don't. In a lot of people it causes too many uncomfortable effects like nausea and vomiting or overly intense experiences which can be psychologically damaging, but it is possible to get a good effect out of it. A lot of people also get addicted to it for the sake of being numb, like you want to, and end up in very bad positions from it. A lot of them feel emotionally drained and in a much worse situation than before they started using it, often a little bit psychotic, and the withdrawal symptoms are NOT fun. But, all of that is not the main reason I'm warning you against these drugs.

Alone, fatal overdoses of these drugs are rare. That should not be a sign though that they are perfectly safe as they each work the heart pretty hard, raise blood pressure very high, and lower the seizure threshold (they happen more easily). They can also cause you to wander around in the world outside of your body and get yourself in very dangerous or illegal situations that you'll have no control over, and they can cause psychotic breaks (schizophrenic-like symptoms lasting beyond the duration of the drug). In combinations, these drugs become significantly more dangerous. Each of them is metabolized by an enzyme called CYP2D6 and inhibit its function. They interact with other enzymes to a lesser degree as well. CYP2D6 is a very common metabolic enzyme with drugs and so the more drugs you take at once the more complications you can have as a result of the drugs changing each others' metabolism. More drugs at once also means more wires crossed in the body and the brain and a much larger risk of dangerous side effects. A combination of these two things can prove fatal. The doses of these drugs required to get high are also very large, and the tests that give us this information are conducted on normal medical doses. As I know from your other post, you are currently on six medications. If you take only one thing away from this post, make it this: On that many medications, it is very possible, if not likely, that a normal recreational dose of either dextromethorphan or diphenhydramine could kill you. And with these drugs, believe me, it won't be a quick and painless death.

There are many herbal alternatives I can tell you about that are legal, non-addictive, and much safer than any over-the-counter medicines, if slightly harder to come by (though not what I would actually call difficult). They also won't numb you from the world as much, but that's not a bad thing. Again, I'm saving the speech for later, but having a way out of everything is bad in the long run. However, even these herbals I would feel unsure about simply because of the number of unknowns here. If you want to send me a PM of all the medications you're currently on I will research each of them thoroughly and compile a list of drugs and plants you must avoid at all costs, and then I can feel a bit safer recommending certain herbals. But keep in mind that even such a list will be limited by our knowledge of the drugs and the many chemicals contained in each plant, and there is no way to guarantee that it would cover every dangerous interaction something may have with your medications. At the very least until you are not on so many pills, I would highly recommend against using any drugs. And even then I would not recommend the over-the-counter pharmaceuticals, the herbals are much safer and do not have the potential to damage you the same way.

Never forget that there are some things you can't take back, especially in relation to your own health. You must always proceed with caution and be knowledgeable about these things before you dive in, and I would personally recommend finding other ways to improve your attitude on life aside from drugs, even if it seems tough. Not to preach or anything, I've just seen these attitudes go very badly before (including with myself). Again, I wouldn't even have mentioned the drug names if it wasn't for these possible consequences. I would feel much worse in this case about not educating you and having you get yourself hurt or killed than telling you what the drugs are. Just stay safe, Crashyy, and remember that there are better alternatives.

I have 6 classes. In each class I have at LEAST two essays and/or exams over the next 2.8 weeks (excluding 3 books and a research project.) It's going to be a LONG 2.8 weeks.

Yeah, I would avoid searching for a drug that will numb you. I spent most of my adolescence doing just that. And I found some anti-depressants that did the job well.
Problem is they have had long lasting consequences and, I believe, inhibited my progress to becoming a much better, happier person.
I don't think I can go back to what I was like before I took them, and that sucks. I feel far dumber, less motivated and less curious and less rational.
They also had a long lasting effect on my heart, but I'm not exactly sure what that is, it just does weird things occasionally.

Anyway, point is, I started meditating and just contemplating life and listening to talks by people who do the same thing (philosophers) and this has helped me more than any drug I took.
You probably won't believe me. People always say drugs won't work but I just thought they were following the cliche and they didn't take the proper drugs or whatever.
Even if they are misguided, they are correct. The drugs we have now at least, do not work. And you don't want to be numb anyway, it's not fun, why live that way? If you don't feel anything you may as well not live at all.
What you really want is to be comfortable. You are sick of being anxious. Work on that.

Went to get my GF, her Gram got Deathly sick while I was there, Not mad or anything, just really sad and alone.

Originally Posted by ZeraCook

Went to get my GF, her Gram got Deathly sick while I was there, Not mad or anything, just really sad and alone.

Woohooo... maybe?
Opened incognito window. Will this work?

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

Woohooo... maybe?
Opened incognito window. Will this work?

Ugh.. but I can't edit.
Sorry about quoting you, Zera. I hope your GF's grams gets better quickly!

I have been banging my head against the wall, trying to post here at DV. Thanks to Aly's suggestion, I tried right clicking "reply..." and opening as a new window. That didn't work. Then I saw that other option. An incognito window. ANd it works though I have to log back in each time.
When I try posting regularly, the buttons don't do anything (submit etc). I can push them a million times and nothing happens
When I quick to reply or reply with quotes, the page gets stuck with a "loading circle".

I've cleared my cookies and other browsing data. I've restarted my machine multiple times. Nothing is working. I use Chrome normally, but I have this problem on other browsers too (Safari, Mozilla).
The only thing out of the ordinary is that a Windows 7 update failed. I need to shut down my firewall and try again, I guess.

to everyone.

I loathe Christmas music.

I finally understood how lonely it is to be an oneironaut in the real world where most of the people either take it as a joke or something spiritual and it seems almost impossible to explain logic to them.

THIS IS THE WORST WEEK OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!












Because Dream Views is messed up...

Rant: Still can't post normally. But I haven't tried the update again yet.
I also realized something about the way I sway while waiting in public. It's not really a sway, I turn horizontally at the waist. But I also (very slightly) bounce one of my legs. It's like I'm holding a baby on a hip and trying to soothe it. What the heck lol. Do I feel compelled to "soothe" myself in such a way or is it that I had four kids and imprinted the habit onto myself? I seriously cannot stand in any line for any length of time without doing it.

Here are two curiosities that have been driving my brain crazy:
1) If you drive, do you drive (primarily) with 1 hand or 2? If you drive with 1 hand, which do you use? Is it the hand you write with?
I'm right handed but I drive with my left. Why? I can't remember if that was always my habit or if I started it after driving a stick-shift.

2) How is diarhea possible? Doesn't it take some time for food to digest and liquify? How is it that within 5-15 minutes of eating pretty much anything, I end up on the toilet?

Anti-rant: Hubby forgot I still owe him money. I get my usual $200. this week
I'm also only smoking about 1/2 pack a day. I've been using my e-cig more.

Spoiler for Deep rant :

I wish I could be better at mediating, and catching myself when I doze off while sitting up. I know I can get myself into a trance state to find something remarkable, something few people even dare to read because of so much doubt.

To actually maintain a level of purity and high frequency just to access makes it so enticing for me to find it as soon as possible, and apply it to my life as much as I can. It's insane. And there's so many other gates of knowledge, and the one that we're able to conceive of has a wealth of information as well.

It's the ultimate source of knowledge, and progressive improvement, and I want to access it for my own personal endeavors. If I can just get a link to it, human beings and their concepts of this reality would be so hilarious. To have everything there for me to change according to plan, it would really make me enjoy this word a bit more.

The mere fact that humans as a whole are not completely pure to even access this wealth of knowledge is what fascinates me, because if I can do it....then that's a really huge achievement. Even bigger than winning large sums of cash.

It's amazing how that getting the potential to formulate ways of making income, or just anything I want is just a few meditations away. But I keep getting sleepy. I'm trying to practice meditating each day, and I should just suck it up and keep trying.

But every single attempt that fails ruins my ego, and I look at the time and think about whether or not those few 45 minutes to one hour was worth it. Then I'm reminded of that potential, go back to being motivated again. It's a constant cycle of being demotivated and motivated again, it's sickening, but the actual benefit of getting to that area of knowledge, or area in my mind that goes into a higher aspect of intuition is definitely worth the challenge of being relaxed and then remote viewing myself there, and beyond.

It just shows that no matter how perfect you seem to be, no matter how experienced you seem to be just because you lived longer than other people, it doesn't give you any right to be a condescending fuck.

Being a human being, a docile body. Wow. Just wow. When it comes to being humble with knowledge, the oldest people are definitely not humble at all. No one is humble, at least unconditionally.

Now, just have to tap into that power a bit, and start making a lot of changes in huge misconceptions and convictions in this world.