Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

Yesterday evening, Mr. Radio Speaker Guy said we should expect 3-6" of snow accumulation during the night. What we got: 3-6 snowflakes. What a rip-off. But at least driving home was easy.

Hell yea! I got Dying Light and the Season Pass for PS4 for $20 through a mistake on Gamestop.

Snowperbole: my new favorite non-word "Exaggerated statements or claims about snowfall amounts that aren't supposed to be taken seriously."
I read that on CNN and the word itself brightened my day. I'm glad the city was spared and hope everyone else recovers from the snow and flooding quickly.

My rant is inferior e-juice. I REALLY like my Vanilla Kretek but I ran out. I used Vanilla mixed with something called Garbage Patch which was okay but a little fruitier and sweeter than what I prefer. Today, I picked up a different Vanilla (the only one with 0mg Nic) and an 18mg Clove and I mixed them together. It's extremely sub-par. The clove is too strong and the vanilla isn't sweet enough to counter the bitterness of the clove. Rasta Vapors really does have the mix down to an art.

Other than that, all is well and quiet. I still haven't done squat in the house. I haven't had the energy or mental fortitude to tackle that bathroom. But I think I learned a great tip for future winters: shutting the water off at the main seems to keep the pipes from freezing. We've been turning on the water as needed and there's been no problems even though temps reached 9 last night.

I hope everyone is well and warm

When will facebook understand there's some shit I don't wanna see?

I mean, fuck.... they give me ads based on shit I was looking at a month ago on some random site, but don't realise I don't wanna see shit from people I've unfriended and already said I don't wanna see shit from that person.

Ugh....

Dream related rant: I want to try Galantamine, but the two sites which sell it have certificates of analysis, I have used them before for other stuff and don't really trust them. The other sources have no authentication at all.

Wonder how legit online Indian pharmacies are.... it's used for Alzheimer's so could probably find legit stuff there if the site is legit.

Originally Posted by tommo

Dream related rant: I want to try Galantamine, but the two sites which sell it have certificates of analysis, I have used them before for other stuff and don't really trust them. The other sources have no authentication at all.

I've bought Galantamine (amongst other things) from PowderCity in the US; so far I trust them. They also have CoA's.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I just can't DO anything. I spend most of the day in bed for the last week or so I don't feel sick or depressed, I just can't make myself do anything
I've been sleeping so weirdly that I took TWO Benadryl last night so I could fall asleep and try to get back on some sort of schedule. They knocked me out quickly by 10PM, but I was awake at 3AM I was hoping to stay down until 8... then get my son to work, pick up breakfast, eat then get some work done. As it is, I'll get him to work, get breakfast, then fall back to sleep

My anxiety has been spiking a little because I had constant, annoying yawns... but it's something only my subconscious knows. I upped my Celexa by 1/2 a pill to take my usual 80mg. Let's see if that helps.

Everyone here is sick. My eldest can barely talk because he's been coughing so much. He went to the Dr. the other day and they said his test came back negative for the flu- even though they also said he has all the symptoms and the tests can be wrong (what's the point of them then?)
Perhaps my fatigue is just my body fighting off all the germs from everyone.

I also have a very slight infection. It's at the crease of my nostril. I have the problem every few months or so. A pimple (?) finally emerged and I lanced the sucker. Hopefully, that will be the end of that.

A question for all you Vapers. I've not had a cigarette for a couple months, but I've been waking up with a cough these last few days. It feels like a smokers cough. What's up with that?
Also, are there any tips for getting the ???? residue from the vapor off your windshield? I've tried windex but it doesn't seem to quite cut through it (in the defense of Windex, I really suck at windows).

It snowed today. I'm not sure if that's a rant or a rave. Wishing warmth to everyone who lives somewhere where it's winter now.

My new very long-winded rant (which, reading back on it, is maybe not quite suitable for this thread and sounds in parts like quite the ridiculous self-centred melodramatic late-teen cliché – whoa here comes emotion the world’s over angst angst angst – but the endless flow of frustration must go somewhere and better this than being eaten up inside or literally breaking something or oneself, right? Nobody is obligated to read it, after all... I feel a little compelled to apologize to anyone who does – yes. Sorry. It became a fair bit longer and more in-depth than I meant it to. Ha, I really need to stop doing this. Putting it in a spoiler to make extra sure it doesn’t break the thread with its length, or something):

Spoiler for rant:

Anyway. I think I’m done with even trying to have friends, or a social life of any sort. In the end it inevitably hurts so much, and it’s hard, draining, confusing and in a way I guess I no longer understand the point. It’s not worth it. I recently agreed to put an end to contact with a close friend. Only online, only platonic, but nevertheless we talked for hours every single day for almost two years and about so many things at a time when I was doing school from home and he and my parents were about my only human contact. Save others online whom I talked to fleetingly and shallowly by comparison.

It was largely my fault for being an emotional mess and becoming too attached, almost dependent, but he made mistakes too. He doesn’t think we should talk anymore and I agree. But I hate the way it all came to an end. I hate that in leaving this broken mess we’ll almost certainly never mend it. I hate that it feels like there are so many things I need to say to him but I know it’s wiser not to say anything more. I hate that it hurts that in truth I still really care about him but now I might never be able to talk to him again even just to know if he’s okay. This isn’t the first time I’ve ended up ridiculously missing a friend while they are probably feeling little by comparison. Too much care. Better to avoid.

The thing that I most overwhelmingly keep thinking is “Now I know for sure that I need to stay away from people.” I’m too extremely emotional and it’s almost never helpful or appropriate. My mind is like a blade: it saws through problems, it saws through perceptions and realities, it saws through brittle outer shells all the way to the warm gentle things hiding within them. Then there are a few moments of knowing them and loving them before the nightmare begins. I don’t feel like I’m in control. My mind doesn’t stop.

Even when I reach this place where there are no true problems, where things are at peace, where things are okay, it keeps cutting. Slices right into the soft skin and vulnerable flesh of the shelled thing. I just hurt people. Not directly, and I don’t want to do it – I don’t lash out or fight unless someone first does so to me, or I perceive that (and even then I am really, really not proud of it) but I hurt people by spilling emotions it’s painful to even be around and by being intense and by needing. Or I focus on them too hard, piercingly, a sort of mental gaze which perhaps feels like it burns when they realise, and as you might if truly being scorched by a flame, they step away, uncomfortable, unsure (and I turn the flame back unto myself and burn.) This is starting to sound like a confession. Save my soul. Overflow. It has to run someplace.

I thought I was intensely caring but instead it looks like I’m intensely destructive. On edge. I see urgent immediate elephant-in-the-room-type problems where there are none, always, and break everything around me trying to desperately fix them when essentially they don’t exist. I’m just screwed up. This sounds so bad. It is bad. This is why I need to keep a distance from people and give up on the idea of friends. It’s painful but it’s better for them. I wish I were something else but things like this keep on happening. I need to accept that I am a monster and learn to avoid situations in which it could be unleashed. Put up walls. Return to near-muteness. I can’t do people any good by directly interacting with them, and they can’t help me. I’ll try to put on enough of an act to just scrape through life and conceal the anxiety which comes with doing so. I do care about people – I want to work, want to do something for them – I want to help people but I think I can only do so indirectly. Friends, real-life conversation, socialisation for the sake of socialisation, relationships? Forget it. Sometimes I wish I could but I don’t know if I can.

I also don’t really wish I could. There are good times but in time it always becomes pointless and draining. This of course coming from someone who, as an example, slept/hid in bed through a week’s holiday in a country she’d never before visited because she was too trapped within herself to convince herself of the point of leaving the apartment. The room. The bed. Or just repeatedly checks out of life and goes back to the sit in her room in the dark to avoid everything for similar reasons and do nothing. At all. (I’m fairly sure it’s not healthy to question things so much. Usually I end up depriving myself of something, except it doesn’t feel like deprivation, it just feels like I’ve made it so it doesn’t exist anymore. This can be done with almost anything, to a point. Food and sleep are a “good” start. And make things lighter for a while.) So my mind may change in that regard. But for now, whether for good or bad, it is set. I’m giving up on friendship. It’s like a huge weight on a sinking ship – maybe if I throw it overboard, I can save at least something else. There are worse things than isolation, at least for such an extreme introvert.

Vasiona. I know a similar struggle. Or, rather, I used to until I came up with pretty much the same solution. I have my hubby, my kids and my pets, so I guess I'm not an extreme introvert. Other than them and this place, I don't need anyone else. It IS easier this way. But don't close yourself down to the POSSIBILITY of future friendships.

No rants for me other than the usual. After I posted last night, I fell back to sleep for several hours. Then I took a 5 hour nap Now I'm awake when I should be sleeping
I use that word a lot: "should". Why "should" I anything? I don't have a job or a "life" or any calendar I have to live by. So why not sleep whenever I darn well please?
Because I've been feeling listless and not getting anything done when I AM awake.

A rave is that hubby gave me a $70. tire rebate credit card and I bought 3 bottles of my Vanilla Kretek.
And my daughter made me 2 grilled cheese sandwiches, plus I had a perfectly cold Coke

I have to play Taxi today. I really hope my son still has his job. He's been out sick since Saturday! He has a Dr.'s note for 3 of those days. I guess we'll see.
He's still sick, but he's doing much better than he had been!

I already knew that college in general is a ripoff. Textbooks are a ripoff. But e-textbooks? Holy fucking shit balls they are an absolute joke. I paid $100 for temporary access to an online-only book? So to actually view it on my kindle at work (where I do not get internet access) I need to individually screen-capture each page and then combine them into my own PDF. Which would take way too long. I just want to be able to do a bit of my classwork each day while on break at work.

Lesson learned, I guess. And here I thought I was going to not only save a few bucks (because $100 is actually cheaper than the physical copy of the book) but also get a more convenient format for on-the-go. Nope.

i have a lvoe hate relationship with alcohol

Zhaylin, thanks for replying You’re right, I shouldn’t entirely close myself off to the possibility, and I won’t.

But I’m not really going to try or search for or force anything anymore. If I don’t feel like talking (that is most of the time, and practically all of the time in real life) I guess I simply won’t.

Ah, sleep…last year I didn’t go to school or really interact with the world (I could do my schoolwork at any time of day, since I did it completely alone) and my sleep schedule was about the same in irregularity. I’d sleep all day and be up all night, or sleep at completely different times each day, or at one point only sleep 2-3 hours at a time at several different points throughout the day – none of this happened intentionally, and whenever I tried to “sort out” my sleep schedule it wouldn’t tend to go well. It is strange how naturally messed up it can get especially if one tends towards being awake when others are asleep. Most of the time I just slept whenever I felt like it also. Sometimes it worked well, sometimes not so much. I found it oddly good for lucid dreaming when it worked well but that might have been simply because of getting enough sleep even if it was broken up or at strange times. Now I can barely lucid dream

*

I have new rants, and one of them is about sleep too. Since I’ve had to start sleeping at more normal times for school I still haven’t fully sorted out my sleep-schedule. I spent most of last term ridiculously sleep-deprived for weird reasons – sometimes I’d go to school after two hours of sleep or no sleep or half an hour’s sleep because it made it oddly more bearable. I guess I was sort of scared of sleeping because it grounds you more firmly in the real world and the real world was a place I’d be thankful to avoid as much as possible. Eventually I gave in and “caught up” by sleeping ten hours a night. I expected to do the same tonight except I woke up after five and a half wide awake and with the kind of sharp dread which seems to grip your entire body/mind and wouldn’t fade at all until I gave up on more sleep and came online.

Recently I’ve been getting more scared of things. I’ve always been kind of fearful in some respects but fairly fearless in others. I used to take night walks in the dark while listening to music as a matter of routine but now I just can’t make myself go because it feels too unsafe. Nothing really changed. Except I suppose it’s comforting to know there’s someone out there who *really* cares for your existence and jarring to adjust to the more usual fact that there isn’t, which doesn’t make a whole lot of sense if they were on the other side of the world anyway.

I feel uneasy lying in the dark again, and turn the lights on in the hallway in case that shadow is really a person, and wonder if there is something in my room, and know something will happen if I go out alone in the dark, and know something will happen regardless. Then there’s that part where I get ahead of myself in time and know that I’m not “supposed” to exist anymore and almost start trying to crush myself out of existence. Without knowing how to stop. I’ve always wondered if my life will end not through literal physical death but a sort of personal death through fully over-realising the impossibility of everything: and perhaps something or someone else would take this body over then…or it’d stay discarded and non-functional, an empty husk.

Sleep deprivation will definitely make you more paranoid and anxious. I was talking to my eldest daughter about this just last week. She asked me if she was schitzo (sp) lol and laid out all her symptoms. I told her to go to bed

My rant is that my son was, indeed, fired
AND, my coils are crapping out again

I had a monstrous migraine today. I bought a pack of cigarettes because sometimes the extra nicotine will help jar it. I couldn't even smoke an entire analogue. They're just too gross now-a-days
I slept all day and most of the night and I'm about to go back to sleep. Gah!

A rave is that I got an email from Rasta Vapors saying my order was sent out yesterday. I should have my good juice by Monday.

Sweet dream, DV.

Originally Posted by Voldmer

I've bought Galantamine (amongst other things) from PowderCity in the US; so far I trust them. They also have CoA's.

I almost bought from there, but I bought Piracetam and something seemed off with it. Made me feel like shit for days.
So regardless of CoA's I don't really trust them completely. Not to mention they simply say 99.6% pure or whatever, what's the other .4%? I wish more sites had HMR or GC/MS.
I've seen one with HMR and LCMS (need to learn how to read the LCMS though) which is good too, but no galantamine.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

A question for all you Vapers. I've not had a cigarette for a couple months, but I've been waking up with a cough these last few days. It feels like a smokers cough. What's up with that?
Also, are there any tips for getting the ???? residue from the vapor off your windshield? I've tried windex but it doesn't seem to quite cut through it (in the defense of Windex, I really suck at windows).

Theoretically hot water and soap should work (it's probably mostly glycerine which is water soluble). I had that on my old car from vaping but never cleaned it off properly before the car died.

I also cannot smoke analogs anymore. Had one the other day, just felt bad, tasted bad, wasn't nice or even satisfying at all.

Originally Posted by sefalik

I already knew that college in general is a ripoff. Textbooks are a ripoff. But e-textbooks? Holy fucking shit balls they are an absolute joke. I paid $100 for temporary access to an online-only book? So to actually view it on my kindle at work (where I do not get internet access) I need to individually screen-capture each page and then combine them into my own PDF. Which would take way too long. I just want to be able to do a bit of my classwork each day while on break at work.

Lesson learned, I guess. And here I thought I was going to not only save a few bucks (because $100 is actually cheaper than the physical copy of the book) but also get a more convenient format for on-the-go. Nope.

I made a program in Python which screenshots and automatically saves the image when you mouseover a little window, do you want that? Could speed up that process.
Although I'm sure there are programs to save PDF's as images. Think I've done that before.

Ooh, thanks Tommo. I'll have to go old school and try some good 'ole hot water and soap Windex just can't seem to cut through the oils (?)
I really, REALLY do suck at windows though

No rants today. Just a major rave. As silly and insignificant as it may be, I actually feel well and awake today. I don't know if it's having my full strength Celexa in my system; if I've fought off germs or whatever else could have been weighing down. But I'm very glad it has passed. Hopefully it will last and I can get some work done tomorrow.
It's REALLY (really, really!!!) great to feel so well.

Well, okay, I guess I do have a rant. One of the e-cigs that was given to me broke. The top would never stay down, so I kept twisting it. I finally twisted off the wires. But now I know what the battery and internal workings of the e-cig look like. There's a black wire and a red one. Both were cleanly severed. In theory, I could just twist them back together. But I really don't want to blow up my face So, I guess I'll just write off the unit.
Maybe I can talk hubby into going to the Mall tomorrow. I could buy some coils and wouldn't have to worry about the lesser e-cigs anymore.

**EDIT**
And just like THAT- maybe 2 hours after my post- I'm ready to go back to bed My eyelids are so heavy I can barely keep them open.

Numerous sources have predicted up to 14 inches of snow accumulation by tomorrow afternoon, and I'm getting ready to head into work. Woo.

It's been snowing all day, but luckily it's the light fluffy stuff and not the heavy wet stuff. However, the winds are supposed to really pick up about the time I will be driving home tonight, so I'm a little worried about the potential for drifting if we actually get the amount they are calling for.

As long as I can make it to work and back safely I have the next two days off, so fingers crossed. My father has an appointment at the hospital on Monday though, so for his sake I really hope that will not have to be postponed.

It's been a bit of a light winter, but in that sense you'd think we'd be steadily creeping toward spring, not doing a 180 toward blizzard-like conditions. If only weather responded to logic.

Stay safe, Acatalephobic... and anyone else who has to be out in the weather.

My rant is that I REALLY hate it when my body reacts as if in pain but my brain has no idea what's going on. I keep catching myself tensing my diaphram and controlling my breathing. Things I do when I'm in pain. But I'm not mentally registering any pain anywhere. My nose is a bit stopped up and my eyes are horribly dry, but that's it. How can your body know something your mind doesn't?
I just woke up. I was doing this before I went to sleep and I'm continuing now. I slept so-so. I got in a lot of straight hours (10:30-6), but I tossed and turned a whole lot. I almost lost one of my blankets at one point lol. Thankfully I woke up in time (I have a weird thing about the floor. If something falls on it for even a moment, it's "dirty" and has to be washed before I can use it again).

Another rant is that my GameHouse (?) game launcher disappeared. I haven't used it in YEARS, but I was wanting to play with the puzzles. I go to sign in and redownload the launcher, but none of my info works. I asked for a recovery email to be sent, but none arrived (not even in Spam). Then I started a new account, tried to download a game and my computer popped up with a major Virus warning. What the heck?
All of those beloved games, purchased with real money, never to be played again Then I mentally smack myself and tell myself to build a bridge because they can't be THAT beloved if I hadn't played them for so many years

Ah well, such is life...

I asked to have my bathroom floor prepped for tile, so I could install the tiles. I started and after an hour or so realized the floor was at least an inch lower on one third of it. They just nailed down cement board and di no kind of leveling. I had to rip up all the work I had done so far and try to figure out what to do. I started at the highest point and have had to put almost a gallon of mortar under many of the tiles to bring them up high enough. Grrrrrr

That's ridiculous, Sivason. Was it for work or your home?

Rant... just woke up. What's up with all this recent tossing and turning? I woke at one point, covered only in my top blanket (a large throw). My sheet was draped and wrapped around my neck. What the heck lol. Was I going to lynch myself in my sleep
Rave... I slept excellently though. Yesterday I slept from 11-6 (7 hours) then turned around and fell back to sleep from 3-10AM (7 hours). I seriously should NOT require 14 hours of sleep

I'm also ranting over my good e-cig. I keep all my used coils. I was desperate and reused an old one. It works but it's very gurgly. The seal is still on it. I rinsed and blew everything out, so I have no idea what it's problem is.
But I only have to put up with it until tomorrow night.

Another rave is that I discovered Vanilla Pepsi made with real sugar I really hope the company keeps it around.

Oh yeah. Another rant is that I tried to play Minecraft last night. You'll never guess what my FPS was...........
0. I couldn't move or anything

I've been feeling quite ill lately and I HATE it to be honest I really need to start taking care of myself. Like eat healthy and
exercise often but I just don't have the motivation to exercise because I'm always so tired?

Also my dream is finally coming true this year, I convinced my mum to let me take an English course in Sydney for 2 weeks
which is only about 990 euros so it's quite cheap. I have summer holidays in June and August so I'm planning on going somewhere during those 2 months. But the problem
is that it'll be winter over there. I don't really mind but I'm sure everyone prefers good weather over cold and rainy days.
My mum doesn't want me to go pretty much all by myself so she's gonna ask my dad
if he wants to take me and my brother on holiday there in December. So either way, I'm definitely going to Australia this year and I'm so happy about it

YESYESYES

Are you under the impression we have seasons in Australia?

Seriously this summer has been pretty much winter with a few insanely hot days in a row. Worst summer ever.

Wouldn't be surprised if winter is fairly sunny this year.

That's great, Crashyy. I'm so jealous!
I don't have a passport but i bought myself a really cute passport holder
owl_1_2.jpg

I hope you have a great time, Crashyy

Ugh.. speaking of passports, I need to update mine soon I honestly don't know why I'd bother though. We've not even gone to Hawaii- let alone anywhere needing a passport- for several years now.

My rave is that I bought
http://vapenw.com/istick-by-eleaf
It's outstanding so far. The one I have looks like the black version. It put me back $85. dollars, for the entire kit, but I really hope it proves to be worth it in the long run.
Now I need to work on a lanyard for it, , which might be a little difficult because of it's shape. I'll figure out something though.

Rants:
I couldn't sleep last night for a change. I got one hour before I had to take Paula to an appointment. Then I took her to a second appointment and got 3 hours before the trip to the city. I had a REALLY strange and disjointed dream (which is a rave). I was peeling away fungus type mushrooms, then realized they were growing on my skin. Most peeled right off and it felt really terrific (cathartic), but some flatter ones wanted to pull my skin and hurt. Then I realized my skin was actually the ocean and the pain was caused by a weird insect fish that hatched its young in the fungal seaweed. The pain was from their biting and clawing. So strange...

I also have not gotten my e-juice order yet. It was supposed to arrive yesterday.

Another weird rant is that the state road just in front of our house, and the highway, sounded like ??? a friggin airforce base. This was yesterday and it woke me up because the table I sleep on was vibrating. And then I heard the noise and couldn't ignore it. I ended up going outside to hunt it down and saw my hubby hiding in the shadow of his open garage. I shouted out my presence and asked if the UFO's were landing He said it looked like a military training exercise. There was a huge helicopter going over the road that was being followed by a smaller helicopter with a blue light.
This is friggin Small Town, WV, NOT a military installation. I don't like all this air traffic we've been getting.

I felt like I was maybe gloating a bit that I would be taking the train home from work while my co-workers (or mainly, my bosses) would have to chance the roads, but between the somewhat less than ten minutes of train delays, then digging and thawing my car out at the station, then digging and gunning my way into my driveway, I can't imagine I was much better off than they were.

Sounds like a major hassle, Taosaur!

My rave is that my e-juice arrived today
My rant is that my internet is crap and I have a nasty kink in my neck and upper back.

I crocheted a new lanyard and it's usable but I need to refine it. The hardest part about it was remembering how to make a foundation single crochet. Thank goodness for YouTYube!

LOL, why do dogs guard with their butts? The dogs are romping in my tiny room, making a terrible noise and bumping into everything, but I still can't help but to smile and laugh at them. The female keeps mounting the male, then they bite each others mouths and growl then one of them turns to block a lunge with their butt. What silly pups. They have an entire house to play in so I don't know why they wait until they're back here They wear each other out pretty quickly though. Then its nap time

**EDIT**
Photobucket finally decided to load... but it wouldn't accept my edits to shrink the size... so forget PB I forgot we can upload from our computers now-a-days.
Here's the new lanyard.
NewLanyard.jpg

***EDIT***
Just finished another experimental one. Hubby suggested I make one that hides the entire device. Ehh, it's too big for me... and because of the devices shape, it looks goofy from the side.

NewestLan.jpgNewestLan2.jpg