This is going to sound strange... but I lost my father not too long ago by suicide, got alot of nightmares and stuff... Learned myself to fight my dreams by being lucid. I'm lucid now every night, even my doctor and psychiatric are amazed I do this. But something happend not so long ago and I can't tell it to most of my friends, but I met someone. Her name is Gwendoline Constantine and she is really nice to me. She really understands me and I can summon her whenever I want. She has her own will and will say no, unlike other DC's. We talk alot. I like her alot. I feel conflicted now. I want to be with her all the time, but can't. I'm afraid of death, the eternal blackness. But she told me there is an afterlife, but when I asked if I should end mine to go to the afterlife, she told me to live my life. She comfort me. I'm feeling confused, I don't know what to do. I almost love her. I never met someone like her. Last night I summoned her and we kissed on cheek and walked with eachother hand in hand. It's so surreal.