Timothy Paradox

It was the Dark Ages, and I was involved in a battle for a castle in Britain on a cliff. Kind of reminds me of Tintagel castle now that I think of it. Enemy soldiers were trying to use rope to scale the cliffs and reach the castle. I informed Arthur (or did I simply propose the idea?) of traps we'd installed in the cliff. It's hard to explain, but the edge of the cliffs (on the top) was "on hinges" and acted like a trapdoor. When the soldiers reached the top, it "flipped" down and sent the soldiers falling to their doom. I felt pretty pleased with myself. I thought I could do well for myself in this age, building crazy traps for Arthur.

The next dream. A weird one. It took place in this "park", some kind of zoo where creatures of various animal species lived... except their souls would be randomly swap bodies! I encountered a man, who was actually a bird living in the body of a human. He said he hated it. In the beginning of the dream, I was in the body of a big ape (orangutan I think). I was climbing a tree (or something resembling a tree, the "branches" were quite thin and straight). Despite having all the ape's climbing abilities, I was not comfortable hanging from that branch fifty feet in the air. I also remember encountering a group of elephants. Later in the scene, I found a group of men (humans, I think I was human myself). I think these men were enemies, or at least rivals in some way. Their "leader" said he knew who I was. He said he knew I was involved with a major battle over a thousand of years ago (he said the name of the battle, I forgot), referring to my previous shenanigans with Arthur.

I was with *REDACTED*. *MORE REDACTED DETAILS*. I kissed her, a slow and long kiss - and it felt great. My recent real-life experiences augmented this experience. And that's all I say on this subject.

I was in bed (in reality) but not really sleeping. At one point, I started hallucinating (with my eyes closed) about seeing our old cat, Sylvester. It moved strangely, and I knew he wasn't real. So it was a hallucination I was controlling it. He walked closer, and hopped onto the bed. I was now seeing a dream version of my bedroom through my closed eyes, and I was still in bed both in the dream and in reality. Sylvester walked over me the way cats do. For a second, I was convinced I had woken up and had somehow "pulled" the cat I dreamt up into reality. That belief was short-lived when I accidentally opened my real eyes - and my long-dead pet vanished in front of my eyes.

I was, once again, back at school. I wear, that place just won't let me leave. I'm in the classroom, and the rest of my former classmates are there too. Max, one of the guys who used to torment me, was trying to get under my skin again. And succeeding at it, but I tried to hide it. I sat with my head resting on my hands and subtly gave him the finger. They laughed. At some point I'd gotten up from my desk, and accidentally sat down again next to Ken, another guy who was occasionally tormented by the populars. He was in the "loser club", a group of 4 or 5 kids who were looked down upon by the popular kids. Even they wanted nothing to do with me, though. Anyway, I realized my mistake but tried not to make a big deal out of it. I grabbed my stuff from my own desk and sat down next to him.

I was chased by an Alien (from the movie Alien), no doubt a result of playing "Alien: Isolation" a week ago. I remember running, together with other people, as it chased us through the countryside. I somehow remembered this happening before, as if I knew the plot of the dream before it had happened. I also remembered that it would chase me through a forest, and that we would then battle the beast in a sawmill of sorts. The final battle of the plot. I ran into the forest, and avoided the site of the sawmill. In another scene I fled from the beast in an industrial harbor, zigzagging between the legs of gigantic loading cranes. It was dark (night) and once again raining. Then we were in a supermarket, still being chased by the Alien. There were once again a few of us now. At one point I knew I could not escape, and the Alien would get me. I kind of "gave up" and turned around instead to face the beast. When it approached, I attacked it instead. I gave it a good whack in the head. Then, I had its head in my grip. I held its mouth (which looked more like a bird's beak than an Alien's mouth) with both hands to keep it from biting. As long as I could hold it like this, it was restrained. The other people showed up. One of them was a giant, who made it clear he would fight the beast to keep it distracted. We made a run for it. I ran out of the supermarket, back into the rainy night. I ran as fast as I could, towards two people who were just getting into their car. They turned out to be former colleagues. I pretty much begged them for a ride, and they agreed. They completely failed to see the reason for my panic. I tried telling them, but they just ignored my warnings... like stupid characters in a horror movie. I told them that if they saw something weird on the road ahead, to definitely NOT stop the car. I somehow knew I was in a horror movie, and I was afraid all the cliche tropes would actually happen. I was even afraid one of the men would turn out to be body-snatched by the monsters or something. While they drove away from the harbor (taking their time, much to my annoyance), one of them asked where my car was, and said he would never want to sit in a car like mine. I used to drive a crappy 1990 Opel Corsa (and clearly subconsciously feel insecure about that). We kept driving, and they kept talking. Much to my surprise, it looked like we were actually going to get away! I chose to end the dream there, as I was afraid that in the next chapter (!) the beast would show up again.

In the next dream, I was inside a wax factory. I think I worked there, in a pretty high function. I remember taking a bite from a honeycomb. There were other employees in the warehouse with me. Later in in the dream, I was in an office upstairs (overlooking the factory through a large window). Night had fallen, and the other employees had gone home. I was there alone. There was something I needed to do downstairs in the warehouse... but something felt wrong. I again "knew" I was in a horror story and this was going to be the first time I run into the monster (not the Alien this time). I do recall a monster from later in the dream, a beast that looked very different from the Alien, but still scary.

There was a crazy (sick) girl who attacked me with a knife (in an underground lab?). I used my sword, which kind of functioned as a lightsaber (it lights up a second after drawing it). I hacked her in the neck, but there was barely any blood, and she didn't even flinch. She didn't stop coming at me, and appeared not to feel pain. I injured my hand slightly, because she attacked with a knife. The dream ended mid-battle. I know there was a guy behind the whole thing, he had done something to her, drugged her or something. Another woman had lured me down there and trapped me with the sick girl (hoping she would attack me).

Somebody handed me a letter, written by an aunt (?) in Texas. It contained euros and a written note. I speculated it was intended for different person with my name, I decided to find him.

Third dream I forgot.

I was in the company of Jeroen and Sander, two fellows (brothers) who used to be in my class (Jeroen was, Sander was still in the previous year) waaay back in 1998-1999-2000. I think we "walked and talked" while moving through a long corridor. I was bullied, excluded and tormented in those days (and all the years after that until 2008). I asked Sander if I ever hurt him, and he said I did. I halfheartedly apologized. It's true, they used to be really fat, and I wasn't. The rest bullied me, and my frustration needed a way out, so I bullied the only ones I perceived as more pathetic than me, the fat kids!

I was in some kind of video game world. I flew up, but went way faster than I expected. I went so high, I could see beyond the borders of "programmed space", like when you go out of bounds or "no-clip" out of the map in a game. From that altitude, the world looked very artificial and gamey indeed.

I came down again and came in for a landing near a big building. My approach was fast, and at very low altitude, so I skidded on the gravely ground for several dozen meters before coming to a stop. There were some people and some stuff I don't remember probably happened, but after that, I took off again (which was a challenge from ground level, flight is easier if you jump off stuff) and flew up to land on the roof of the big building.

The building resembled a huge supermarket, not high but very big. On the roof, I encountered a few kids, many aged between 8 and 12. I asked them if they were planning to jump. Apparently, flight was common enough in this dream universe for that question to make sense! Now that I think of it, I recall jumping off a building (no fear whatsoever) and flying effortlessly, but don't remember when this happened in the narrative of the dream. Anyway, the kids laughed at my suggestion and said they were there for another reason.

I followed them into some kind of "bar". It was some shady dude's apartment (on the roof of the supermarket!), but retrofitted to act as a bar. There were some minimally dressed young women laying around, one on a couch, a few more standing around elsewhere. I didn't think they were too attractive. I found the guy who ran the place in the kitchen. I bought a drink, and I think he offered me "other services" as well (okay, he was a pimp). I wasn't into the idea at first, but in the end I was like "what the hell, okay" and said I wanted the chick laying on the sofa, because she was the hottest of the bunch. Sue me.

I'm in a bathroom, one that closely resembles our bathroom from when I lived with my parents. I think I was getting dressed, but I had a friend (a black dude, never seen him before in real life) who was still in the shower. When I got out of the shower, I accidentally left the door open, and water had spilled all over the floor. The floor was made of light gravel (as it used to be in real life), and the water got between the gravel, soaking into the floor.

I left the bathroom, and found myself in a massive corridor that resembled a shopping mall. I went all the way to the back of the hallway, and up an escalator. There was a military outpost there. The soldiers were clones, like the ones from Star Wars. I apparently got into a big fight with one of the commanding officers, who betrayed me. The clones under his command immediately opened fire on me. The day before I watched an episode of "The Clone Wars" in which a clone commander betrays the Jedi. I grabbed my own gun (a pump-action shotgun, I think) and fired on my attackers while I rushed back down the escalator. I ran back through the hallway and exited through a door somewhere.

I found myself in one of my former schools (it was a mix of several of my former schools). I wandered around, not sure where I was going. I was still armed to the teeth, and realized I was around children... in a school. They'd think I was one of those terrible school shooters, and I didn't want that! I hid the gun in the sleeves of my coat (!!). I now had two guns, one in each sleeve. I walked through classrooms, and across the courtyard of the school. One person recognized me, and shouted something at me. But it was definitely the present, not the past. I walked behind a couple of girls who were on their way to their next class (I guess), and saw a teacher I recognized (in reality, he is a German actor who plays the medic in the movie 'Der Üntergang', or 'Downfall'). I asked him how to find the building where the adults take their evening classes (that was apparently the large building I had escaped from). Not sure why I was trying to go back there.

I'm in a Tr0n-style landscape, that feels quite surreal. I think I'm in a rocky/somewhat mountainous area. I look in the distance, and see three absolutely titanic "buildings" (somewhat resembling a pyramid with flat top, or Tyrell Industries' HQ in Blade Runner) in the distance - each adorned with a giant triangle symbol above its gate. One building glows in a red hue, the one next to it green, and the one next to that blue.

So in dreams, our abilities are typically limited, and we are bound to follow the "plot" of the dream, blissfully unaware that we are dreaming. When one becomes lucid, one becomes truly conscious within the dream, can break free from the plot and decide for themselves what to do within the dream universe. Typically, the dreamer gains a whole set of abilities, only limited by one's imagination, and dream control.

I had a fairly active period in which I had quite a few LD's, most of them induced on purpose using practice. Then I stopped, but still had one or two LD's per year, naturally. Until last year... As of late, it's as if my subconscious has found a way to "sabotage" me. I have dreams these days, quite a few, in which I think I am lucid, feel I am lucid, but am not truly lucid. I gain a subconscious awareness of my reality (that I'm in a dream and I have god-like powers), but this awareness stays "beneath the surface" - like I'm not really aware of it.

Another way of putting is this: in lucids, you break free from the plot. The plot created by your subconscious, whose "job" it is to keep you unaware and following the story of the dream. So it's almost like my subconscious, in an attempt to stop me from breaking the plot, invented a genius way to stop me from doing so. It made the act of "breaking from the plot" a part of the plot! I literally dream about thinking that I'm dreaming. It gives me a bunch of cool powers I would normally have in real lucids, except they work far better because they do not *really* rely on dream control (like they do in lucids)...

That's just a theory of what this might be, though. Most of these "fake lucids" do wake me up when they end - just like all lucids do. I don't think I've ever *not* woken up right after a lucid ends (mine usually end when I lose control, typically when I'm having too much fun to bother about dream control). So that's a sign they could be lucids after all.

Still, in these "fake lucids" I never *truly* feel like I was free. I do in the dream itself, but after waking, it still feels like everything I did was "on rails", determined by another - not myself.

Again, fascinating.

For the past few days, I've had more of these experiences that occur during the waking phase, right before gaining full consciousness. It's almost like I am speaking to myself. It manifests as an "inner voice", which feels alien to my character, but at the same time definitely comes from me. Like there are two of me existing simultaneously, but are separated. I have a potential explanation for this phenomenon.

During sleep (in non-lucid dreams), the "logical" part of the brain (the frontal lobe) is mostly shut down, and we are guided/motivated almost entirely by our subconscious (which is why we are less "restrained" in dreams, and tend to "follow the plot" without thinking things through properly). When waking, the logical part of us wakes up. Perhaps, for some reason, I don't sleep as deeply as I used to, and/or my waking phase takes longer than it used to. During that time of "ultra light sleep", my consciousness (frontal lobe) might awake while my subconscious is still asleep, and immersed in a dream. Instead of leading to lucidity, it might cause some kind of temporary "split" of my consciousness and subconsciousness, in which the former can give "advice" to the latter...

In both cases I experienced thus far, the inner voice was a "voice of reason" that gave advice on my dream experience, things that I would have missed if not for that hint. The voice has some kind of "meta-knowledge" of the dream. In one case, it told me something would not work - and in another case it outright told me to stop being a zombie and flee from the hideout of an obvious serial killer... something my dream character was blissfully unaware of until the voice told him... me... whatever.

Weird stuff.

I'm at some guy's house. He has an injured or unconscious woman with him, who he carries to a small room where he lets her rest and recover (he found her somewhere and carried her to his home, I think. *REDACTED SECTION* At some point, as I was slowly waking, a voice (or my waking voice speaking to my dreaming self) told me "dude, that guy is a serial killer - get out of there". I decided to escape the house, but woke up.

Another fragment that occurred *while* I was waking up. I was in bed, could feel my own body and see reality, but hallucinated that my phone went off. I picked up the phone and talked to a doctor. I asked about psychotherapy. The doctor said I had to see a professional for that. I asked who he would recommend exactly. At that moment, my waking was complete, and I realized I wasn't on the phone at all. I think I spoke that last sentence out loud.

Awesome sequence of dreams, very memorable. I had orders to assassinate a military officer (using a sniper rifle) at a military base. But I had trouble identifying him, and there were far too many other soldiers around to get a closer look. I think I temporarily gave up.

Another scene. I'm in a big city, at night, and it looks like it's the 1920's. It's raining. I'm in a parking lot (lots of old timers, that's how I know I was in the past), and I wanted to steal car to get out of there. My motivating for this criminal behavior is a mystery to me. The door opened, as door locks didn't exist yet in this dream version of 1920. The car alarm went off, and it was loud. A voice told me (or my own inner voice?) that I needed keys to start the car, so it was pointless to even try. But it was too late... between two buildings, I could see a man, a cop, approaching - investigating the alarm. I tried to casually walk away from the vehicle, but knew he'd seen me and was following me. He would arrest me soon, I thought. But then, something happened. I "felt" like I could fly. I could sense gravity "tugging" at me, almost begging me to take off - it's hard to describe. I realized it was the ultimate way to escape arrest. Here begins the "pseudo-lucid" part of the dream. I have all the abilities I'd have if I was lucid, and have some subconscious idea that I am in control and this isn't real, but at the same time not really... once again, very hard to describe. I still blindly follow the "plot" of the dream as if I wasn't lucid. I take off, and look back at the cop in mid-air. He stands there, looking at me, bummed out he couldn't arrest me. I give him the finger, and fly away. The flying, despite the rain and the darkness, felt exhilarating as hell. I looked down, or saw my shadow on a building, and saw I was wearing my long black trench coat. I was also wearing a black leather cowboy hat. I flew through the city, fast. So fast, I flew straight towards a building and knew I'd hit it if I didn't make evasive maneuvers pronto. But as usual, I knew such high speed maneuvers would be difficult, and I was too lazy. I decided to simply fly right through the building instead. I expected to violently burst through the windows and through the whole building, but instead I just kind of "no-clipped" through it, as if it was a fake video game object. This felt dissatisfying.

I flew into the next scene. Near the base from the beginning of the dream sequence was the Hollywood sign, which I flew past. It was sunset. I decided to finish my mission. Here things get violent. Continue reading at your own peril. I landed in the middle of the base, and smashed my way into the largest building. I fought soldiers, and defeated them easily using super-strength. I smashed them into walls, through walls, into each other, and worse. If doors were closed, I casually smashed them down, or just walked through the wall (physically breaking it down, not phasing through). At one point, to get to the floor above me, I just super-jumped up, smashed through the ceiling, and ended up on the floor above! In combat, I used a form of super-speed (the same mental power that propels me in flight) to bash into soldiers, to get a bit of extra punch. Anyway, I couldn't find my target. I grabbed a soldier, and forced him to tell me where his commander was. The soldier told me he was in the small building across from the big one I was in. I walked over to it, and casually bashed in the massive steel door. There he was, the target. Suddenly, I was attacked by several soldiers that came running at me from the courtyard. They stabbed me with their knives (in the chest and abdomen), but my skin was as solid as Superman's and they did not penetrate. It felt very uncomfortable, though. I easily "defeated" the soldiers. Again, very violent moment coming up. I turned to the surviving soldiers, as I was holding another one in my iron grip. I told them I would rip their buddy's head off. The commander mockingly said he doubted I could do that. The soldiers, on the other hand, said he should not doubt my words. They'd seen me in action before. Eager to prove my power, I started violently jerking my prey's head to the back. I used my mental "lucid powers" to imagine it being easy, but it still gave a lot of resistance. In the end, I could see a red "line" in his neck where the skin started tearing from the pressure... That's where the dream ended. It was ludicrously violent, but it felt so good. I was an absolute terror, the "anti-Superman". It felt... liberating! The entire dream had a pretty cool pop-rock soundtrack, and I think I may have heard the song in real life before.

In a later dream, I was an "escort dude", or gigolo. People were standing by a black board, and had to "grade me". Disturbingly, my mother was there too, and also graded me (gross!).

I was in a classroom, among teenagers, but I was an adult myself. I lost my temper, as the other managed to say things that got under my skin and made me relive the horror of my own high school years (and history with bullying). I was desperate to affirm my superiority over them ("I'm an adult, you can't bully me anymore!") but felt utterly powerless. Guess that's why I enjoy ripping DC's heads off...

I was carrying trash bags while riding on a motorcycle through my hometown. One bag in each hand... Cool 80's synth music played in the background.

Futuristic military scene, videogame-like, healing gel (that you had to squirt all over you), I'm hurt so I fall behind. We rush to the medivac/extraction chopper/VTOL. Someone (a female squad member) comes back for me and helps me onto the chopper/VTOL (she yelled at me to hurry, I tell her to heal me so I can run properly). The craft flies away in third person.

Futuristic world, a lot of metal. Some kind of airport? Flying cars (a Fiat, no wheels) and others vehicles with AG drives. It was still a military installation, I think. I learn I can hover and possibly fly. Someone (still a woman) sees, and informs me non-vehicular flight is not allowed here. I see a sign, indicating human flight is indeed illegal here.

Vision resembling scene from "Another Earth"? Other Earth in the sky.

I'm in some kind of apartment, a rather crappy looking one. For some reason, I was getting shot at. It all felt very raw and "realistic" (the bullet impacts into the walls and doors). There were several armed persons, and I was armed myself. I opted to stay in the doorway for cover. I had an ally, a fellow I know from real life called Victor. He's... absolutely not suited for this role. He's peaceful, a scientist and gay. I'm pretty sure he abhors violence. Not this version! Victor, also armed, rushed in and pulled a Leeroy Jenkins on me. He actually killed several perps, with gun and/or bare hands (smashing them into walls!). But this spree didn't last, as he was violently shot dead. It looked awful. I continued the fight, until only a black kid aged 8-10 was left... he was armed too, and kept shooting at me. He left me no choice. I shot him in the head. It was a mess. I had a bit of a mental breakdown, asking the dead kid why he forced me to do this.

A group of people, including me, running. It was night? We run past a trailer/RV. In third person, I saw a man I recognized, perhaps a former colleague, walking through some curtains into his trailer. He engaged several persons in a gunfight. He fought valiantly, but was shot from the side and killed.

War scene. I was in a trench, preparing for an upcoming battle along with the other soldiers. The weapons were guns I recognized from the Vietnam era, an M14 and an AK with collapsible stock. The battle started when we charged the enemy. Now it gets weird. I may have died a few times, but every time the scene "reset" to just before the battle. Like in the movie "Edge of Tomorrow". I remember being crouched in the mud, seeing death and destruction all around me, and feeling... traumatized? In a later attempt, I think I tried to escape the scene. I'd actually memorized where most of the hostiles would be coming from, and what they would try if they spotted me. I entered a small warehouse-like room, and saw two hostiles. They were talking and hadn't spotted me yet. I tossed a grenade. That's the last I remember.

I'm boarding an airplane. I suddenly realize I don't want to go, or it's going to the wrong destination. I ask the flight attendant if I can still get off, but (s)he says no. We take off while I stumble back to my seat.

Scene with a lot of characters. A massive brawl erupts between various characters. A man restrains a woman onto a table (?) and aims a flamethrower at her, clearing intent on burning her. I attack the man to save her. Then, a female orderly (from a mental hospital?) who looked a bit like a fat nun, was furious at me for using violence. Still pissed off (and knowing I was in the right to use force, seeing as how the man I attacked was about to burn someone to death), I hit her in the face. Hard.