Thread: Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

Some of my friends are at a convention, but I couldn't muster enough motivation to go because I suck at being social anyway.
Feeling lonely (most of the time) if I go, feeling lonely if I stay at home. Fuck this shit.

Originally Posted by sefalik

I was told the seasons (the first few, anyway) match up with the books, at least in terms of there being no spoilers? I'm already reading the second now, but I just wanted to see how some scenes played out on the screen. I'm not planning on going passed the first season until I finish the second book. But if it could ruin anything in the books, I'll use restraint and just keep reading.

Though I will admit that I hate how most of the characters look. I haven't watched any clips, but someone posted some meme on Facebook a while ago which prompted me to some google images. I guess that's just how all TV is though. Because my complaint was they were are way too 'perfect'-looking and not nearly rugged enough. Could've just been the picture though, as I think they were promotional pictures rather than stills from the show. But Tyrion was way too 'pretty,' Eddard just looked awkward, Rob Baratheon looked like a young Santa Claus... My imagination > Hollywood

(This is a morning-with-no-contact-lenses rant so I apologize for the terrible writing).

I sympathise with that. I love the books and the show is outstanding for what it is. But even now, every time I see some GoT ad or actor promotion or those stupid bobby head things I get a spasm of annoyance, like they're stealing the genuinness or something. I read the books before the show came out so that feeling is strong, because only a few years ago, for me, ASOIAF was just another fantasy book - a really good one which happened to be my favourite one, but it still had that sort of "secret world" feeling. So although I've gotten used to the show and on a conscious level think it's great that more people are realizing what fantasy can really be, I still feel like it's intrusive. And about the actors specifically, well yeah, that's going to happen in every show. People aren't in general interested in looking at unattractive people. Tyrion is supposed to be a lot more ugly. The kids are supposed to be younger. Arya should be uglier too - that was part of her identity. But they made her a slightly ungirly but still really cute girl. I've never liked the Daenerys actor either. She's supposed to be inhumanly beautiful and while the actor looks good, both her looks and personality have too much character to it, too much boldness. I don't know if that bothers anyone else but I've been unable to take the actor seriously.

The greatest injustice is Tyrion. Peter Dinklage is a great actor and they probably couldn't have gotten anyone better. But Tyrion is supposed to be really fucking ugly with different-colored eyes. However likeable the actor makes him, there's a certain alluring loveable part of book-Tyrion's psyche that comes out in his viewpoint chapters which I don't detect in the show at all. It's like they're trying to show all of his insecurities with the scenes with his father and siblings, they've shown his dark humor, but they never quite clicked as they do in the books. His main, all-consuming psychological issue isn't even apparent in the show yet. They described it once in season 1 but I'm sure non-book-readers have forgotten about it by now. Tyrion just isn't Tyrion without having that issue.

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In other news, I'm going to a doctor's appointment for the first time in years in a few days to try to get a referral to a psychiatrist so that I can get some sort of anxiety medication. It can't come soon enough though. I need to call people about renting an apartment today. I've been procrastinating for days, looking up places but not actually phoning anyone, etc. but there really isn't time. I also have to get a new power supply for my computer today, but I have no idea how to do that, I'm afraid the people will think I'm an idiot, etc. even after I've done research. I reach a dead end at any task that involves social interaction.

I can't sleep and I feel terrible. This mood was triggered by something absolutely stupid, it seems to happen every once in a while.
I have these stupid intense ambitions of becoming and creating something great, and yet I never get anything done to get there. When will this change? It's impossible for me to become good at producing music like this, when I don't produce a single shit. Is it because my motivation is wrong? Is it not what I really want? Then what is? Or am I just stuck in what feels like hundreds of roadblocks because I don't know how to progress?

I don't feel good with myself; I feel defect - broken by the myriads of missed opportunities throughout my childhood, teenage years and current years and days... On top of this, I suddenly realize that without my therapist, I literally have not a single person I feel I can talk to honestly about my feelings, which has resulted in a ton of bottling up of bullshit recently, and I don't know what to do. I don't know what will become of me...

Also hi everybody. Haven't posted here in a while. But I still read people's posts.

Originally Posted by Maeni

I can't sleep and I feel terrible. This mood was triggered by something absolutely stupid, it seems to happen every once in a while.
I have these stupid intense ambitions of becoming and creating something great, and yet I never get anything done to get there. When will this change? It's impossible for me to become good at producing music like this, when I don't produce a single shit. Is it because my motivation is wrong? Is it not what I really want? Then what is? Or am I just stuck in what feels like hundreds of roadblocks because I don't know how to progress?

I don't feel good with myself; I feel defect - broken by the myriads of missed opportunities throughout my childhood, teenage years and current years and days... On top of this, I suddenly realize that without my therapist, I literally have not a single person I feel I can talk to honestly about my feelings, which has resulted in a ton of bottling up of bullshit recently, and I don't know what to do. I don't know what will become of me...

Also hi everybody. Haven't posted here in a while. But I still read people's posts.

I get into that funk every few days. Sucks cock, big cock.

Try breaking your larger goals into smaller, more tangible ones. Then once you've built some momentum, you'll have the self-efficacy needed to follow through on the larger ones. A good place to start is putting together a plan of action, a workable schedule, and then forcing yourself to follow through with it.

Be careful with anxiety meds Dianeva. Those benzos feel like a godsend at first, honestly one of the best feelings I've ever had, but after a while that effect wears off and if you don't stick to a regular, consistent dosage, they'll fuck you over. Or, alternatively, only take them when you need them, such as when doing presentations etc.

It takes diligence and you have to keep in mind a goal to get better at social things without them.
I used to take them everyday, then I decided it would be better to only take them when I was doing something social.
I then lowered my dosage slowly when doing social things, and eventually (now) I only take them when I have to talk to a group at school or whatever.

If you don't do this, they will end up ruling your life, and you'll only end up worse without them, feeling like you need them to feel at ease. But it's total bullshit, you don't need them.

And if they try to give you anti-depressants, just nope the fuck out of there, it's not worth it.

On the other side of the argument is me I take Celexa for my anxiety. I've been on it for years and years (before that was Prozac which worked just as wonderfully). I have no real side effects (80 mg does cause excessive yawns so I cut it to 60 mg). Zoloft, on the other hand, did nothing for me. Welbutrin initially made me homocidal back in 1998 but when I tried it again a few years ago it worked fine (just not as well as Celexa).
People react differently to different meds. Know the possible side effects, work closely with your doctor. They're not a cure all but they help- a lot. At least they've helped me anyhow

for everyone.

The latest trip went smoothly. I did nothing but sit in the room on my iPad. I didn't go to the auction at all I did go out to eat with the group on Thursday and Friday though. As always, we went first to the Tousey House (sp) and then to Montgomery Inn. Both were delicious. Early (the guy who runs the auction) asked which we (hubby and I) prefer and I said Montgomery. He shook his head "good, good." When he walked by, I said to hubby "Oh no, he's doing away with one of our dinners!' Hubby hadn't even considered that lol. Early must spend a small fortune taking the group out. I don't blame him one bit- especially when a few of the people complain (about the trip, the time, the food). Seriously? Early's paying for everything, including wine, and y'all are actually complaining?

Originally Posted by tommo

Be careful with anxiety meds Dianeva. Those benzos feel like a godsend at first, honestly one of the best feelings I've ever had, but after a while that effect wears off and if you don't stick to a regular, consistent dosage, they'll fuck you over. Or, alternatively, only take them when you need them, such as when doing presentations etc.

It takes diligence and you have to keep in mind a goal to get better at social things without them.
I used to take them everyday, then I decided it would be better to only take them when I was doing something social.
I then lowered my dosage slowly when doing social things, and eventually (now) I only take them when I have to talk to a group at school or whatever.

If you don't do this, they will end up ruling your life, and you'll only end up worse without them, feeling like you need them to feel at ease. But it's total bullshit, you don't need them.

And if they try to give you anti-depressants, just nope the fuck out of there, it's not worth it.

Thanks for the advice. I'll try to be careful with anything I'm prescribed. In the past I have always been against medication due to not wanting to be dependent on it, because natural long-term solutions are better. But I'm almost 25 and feel I've tried everything else that I'm willing to. I've been in the same cycle for the past like... 10 years. I've tried to break it through mental exercises, travelling, sheer willpower and a 'just do it' attitude, etc. but the few things that have worked have only been temporary. It's like my mind has this default state of worry and guilt that it will always go back to. I don't know whether my will just isn't strong enough to get out of it or I'm really trapped in some psychological maze, but I need to try something different. That's why I'm considering medication after years of avoiding it. I know my problem isn't depression, and I'll try to refuse anti-depressants. It isn't just that I get anxious sometimes and need a little push to get myself going. I have serious anxiety issues that are going to ruin my life if I don't do something else soon. Feeling anxious and stressed has become background noise to my regular mind processes which I don't even notice unless I pay attention because it's almost always there. It's too strong of a pattern to get rid of easily with mental exercises or whatever else. So I'm going to try medication. But once I get a job and an apartment and my life seems to be on course and I'm used to doing certain things, I'll try to go off of any medication I'm on. I'll try not to get dependent on it.

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

On the other side of the argument is me I take Celexa for my anxiety. I've been on it for years and years (before that was Prozac which worked just as wonderfully). I have no real side effects (80 mg does cause excessive yawns so I cut it to 60 mg). Zoloft, on the other hand, did nothing for me. Welbutrin initially made me homocidal back in 1998 but when I tried it again a few years ago it worked fine (just not as well as Celexa).
People react differently to different meds. Know the possible side effects, work closely with your doctor. They're not a cure all but they help- a lot. At least they've helped me anyhow

Thanks for offering another point of view. The fact that they're not a cure but help a lot is something I've heard a lot lately. I won't expect them to be a complete cure, I just feel I need to try something different.

Uhm... I'm having hallucinations because all the food I've eaten today. Really, that flying bacon needs to calm the fuck down.

lol, Astaroth. I wish I could share that complaint I'm thinking about having a Slim Jim :/ hehe

My complaint is that one of the cats that disappeared, undoubtedly, went into the AC vent and died. A couple areas in the house reek of death. I put on a pair of gloves and stuck my hand into the vents as far as I could but I couldn't find anything So I had to consult Google as to whether or not the fumes are toxic. They're not. I learned a lot during the research.
I just don't know how long the stench will last seeing how there's no exposure to the elements and limited exposure to nature (mice, I'm sure, but little else). The vents are useless so perhaps I can pump bleach into them or something (but THOSE fumes would kill us ) I can imagine now the plague of flies that's bound to appear sooner or later.

Ugh... welcome home

My kids are still fighting like crazy. Now I remember why I had to make the boys stay at the Farm while I kept the girls with me in town. You just can't put all of them together at the same time. They'll kill each other sooner or later I just don't understand their intolerance for one another.

Watching Good Will Hunting now on AT&T U-verse (I'm actually watching something legit ) right now. Family came over for my grandma's 90th surprise birthday party. Everything went well! Also, so many responses here its hard to keep up with everyone's rants and raves. As another friend would say, yee.

Oh geez Zhaylin! hope your day gets better, I posted without seeing it first. I am not ignoring you

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

My complaint is that one of the cats that disappeared, undoubtedly, went into the AC vent and died. A couple areas in the house reek of death. I put on a pair of gloves and stuck my hand into the vents as far as I could but I couldn't find anything So I had to consult Google as to whether or not the fumes are toxic. They're not. I learned a lot during the research.
I just don't know how long the stench will last seeing how there's no exposure to the elements and limited exposure to nature (mice, I'm sure, but little else). The vents are useless so perhaps I can pump bleach into them or something (but THOSE fumes would kill us ) I can imagine now the plague of flies that's bound to appear sooner or later.

I'd get that removed asap, you'll probably need to get a professional to take of it. A decomposing cat in the vents can't be good for your health, Zhaylin. =/

Originally Posted by Neo Neo

Watching Good Will Hunting now on AT&T U-verse (I'm actually watching something legit )

I love that movie. :0

That scene where Will lectures that one dude about how he could have gotten a college education for free by hitting the library... That shit hit me like a punch to the gut when I first saw it - I spent the next few weeks browsing the Politics, Law, and Philosophy sections. .-.

I just won an argument on reddit. After a lot of arguing the guy who seemed like either a closed-minded idiot or a troll at first admitted he was wrong. This has literally never happened to me before. I've only been on the other side of it. It's also the first internet argument I've had in months so perhaps I'm just getting better. Or he read my post history and saw my social anxiety post and pitied me.

It's all good Neo. I miss posts sometimes too Congrats on your grams 90th!! Glad the party went well

Gavin, hubby wont pay for anything like that so we just have to suffer through it. The fumes are not toxic. The only danger is if you come into direct contact with an infectious human cadaver (or something like rabies in animals) but even that is minimal because most diseases can't survive more than a few hours without a living host. And then there's the danger of fleas on rats but we don't have to worry about that one. The info goes against almost everything I've ever believed, but it seems legit.


Grats, Dianeva on winning the argument

No real rants or raves from me so far today. Destinee's a little pissy because I wont drive her to AT&T if I don't get money from hubby before 7. But I'm used to pissy

People seriously suck. Why are a majority of people so self-centered and ignorant and mean?
You'd think people would get better in general with each other as time goes on, but it seems to be the opposite.
I think isolation has a lot to do with it. I thought the internet would help bring everyone together similar to how villages did for small groups.
But it doesn't seem like it's done much. Non-western countries basically have their own internet, like China and India for example replicate English sites and then group together there and rarely venture "outside" of it.

I'm doing a genetics class this semester. Holy shit is it boring. Literally have no interest in this at all. Same with statistics.
I'm wondering if I should just cancel those two and go part time, since I'm not going to continue with it anyway most likely. I'm no way near smart enough for research or anything, and the only practical side I was interested in was vet, again probably not smart enough plus takes way too long now....

One random thing which has struck me as odd is when people ask what I study and I say science and they're like "oh, what can you do with that?"
I literally didn't even know how to answer the first couple of times. Like.... seriously? It's science! Do you not know what that is.... or?....
I figured out to just say what I want/ed to do after I finish/ed, but yeah, it's just strange to me.

No real point to saying that.... just rambling.

Originally Posted by tommo

One random thing which has struck me as odd is when people ask what I study and I say science and they're like "oh, what can you do with that?"
I literally didn't even know how to answer the first couple of times. Like.... seriously? It's science! Do you not know what that is.... or?....
I figured out to just say what I want/ed to do after I finish/ed, but yeah, it's just strange to me.

No real point to saying that.... just rambling.

People would say the same thing to do me when I told them I was studying Psych. or Political Science. Eventually I gave up and started making up jobs.

X: "Why are you taking Poli. Sci.?"
G: "I'm studying to be a policy supervisor... for the Governor General of Uganda."
X: "Oh cool, cool... How much do you get paid?
G: "147, 000 pesos per annum, with benefits."
X: "Niiiiceee."

Tommo. You mean like cliques? Similar-minded people tend to band together. It sucks, sometimes, but It does perpetuate ignorance at times. How do you get around it though?
"What can you do with *science*?" Seriously? Maybe it's just their way of asking which field you're getting into without prying?

lol, Gavin. Do people actually fall for it?

My rant is that I'm nauseous and light-headed. I took a big puff from a "burned" e-cig and I've been trying to make up for it by vaping a good one like mad Too much nicotine
I'm also running out of my "Joe Latte" flavor. I'm going to miss it when it's gone. It's zero nicotine so I mix it with my other flavors. I love mixing the different flavors... like spearmint with vanilla. You wouldn't think they'd mix well but they do

Other than that, it's a nice, quiet day. I have to go to the store later, but I'm okay with that. I need to buy a couple tupperware storage containers to transfer a bunch of stuff I have in cardboard boxes (that are falling apart).

Actually, I'm also a little annoyed with CNN. There's an article up about a plus sized model. She's a size 12. WTH? I'm a size 8-12 (depending on the make- I don't like tight fitting clothes). I've never thought of myself as plus sized. No wonder girls have esteem issues!!

Originally Posted by Zhaylin

Actually, I'm also a little annoyed with CNN. There's an article up about a plus sized model. She's a size 12. WTH? I'm a size 8-12 (depending on the make- I don't like tight fitting clothes). I've never thought of myself as plus sized. No wonder girls have esteem issues!!

I saw some outrage about that on reddit the other day so you're definitely not the only one.

I've never paid attention to size so I have no idea what I am. What does the size even refer to? Dress size? Pants size? Or is it just a body measurement size? Women's bodies seem too complicated to summarize with one number, lol.

Originally Posted by tommo

People seriously suck. Why are a majority of people so self-centered and ignorant and mean?
You'd think people would get better in general with each other as time goes on, but it seems to be the opposite.
I think isolation has a lot to do with it. I thought the internet would help bring everyone together similar to how villages did for small groups.
But it doesn't seem like it's done much. Non-western countries basically have their own internet, like China and India for example replicate English sites and then group together there and rarely venture "outside" of it.

I think falling into tribes is what people naturally do. People band together in tribes and the fact that there are 'other' people who aren't part of their tribe only strengthens the tribal bond. It might even be necessary to have 'other' people exist in order for people to feel united. If so, the only way all humans will ever really unite might be if aliens were to invade the planet or something so that they can be the 'other'. No idea if that's true or not, just a perspective. I live in what's probably one of the most multicultural areas in the world, and you'd think that would be great, but everyone tends to stick to hanging out with their own ethnicities.

You have Small, which is like a 3-6 . Medium, 9-12. Large, 14-18. At least, that's how I've always looked at it lol. I've always considered plus sizes from 18 and higher. It's typically waist size as far as I know.
I've never paid any attention to this stuff either. This just caught my eye because it's so ridiculous.

But remember models are much smaller than real people..

Originally Posted by Darkmatters

But remember models are much smaller than real people..

They're all aliens from Glamoria anyway.

Yesterday someone almost drowned in the beach, but my uncle saved him. It's weird cuz my uncle isn't the brave kind of guy.
I would have saved him, but I don't wanna die
It was the currents that were pulling him, and I'm like half his weight, so I'll surely get drifted, but at least here the brain power and calmness comes in handy, I started searching for a rope , but no luck.
Sorry but dis fella ain't a hero

I'm doing stuff this week...

Glad your uncle got to him! I'd probably have done as you in looking for a rope

My rant is that I missed TWO lucid cues. I dreamed my daughter, Zee, called me to let me know she's alive. She was calling from Dallas, Texas and sounded happy and excited. But then a guy took the phone and told me he wanted $6,000. or he'd make her work it off on her back. I told him I'm an agoraphobe and I never leave my bedroom () and I could send $50. a week if he had an address. I was thinking I could call the cops. I don't remember what the cue was but I was annoyed after I woke.
I had another dream about driving on roller coaster type roads. It was very scary and I thought "Gah! These roads are going to give me nightmares for weeks!"


Been a nice, quiet day otherwise. There's been no plagues of flies yet, so maybe the corpse is under the trailer where I can't see it (the ground rises very sharply towards this end of the home. I can't crawl under it). So that's a definite rave.
A rant is that the same cannot be said about these infernal fruitflies. I think they love the condensation in my room. One flew into my e-cig tank as I was filling it. I didn't notice it until I was screwing on the top I said "Sorry, but you're getting smoked." I wasn't about to trash the cartridge no matter how much my stomach turned at the thought I ended up buying a new cartridge and trashing it after all though lol. That's just too gross.

But I should be used to gross by now. The house still smells of death though it's starting to die down some (yeah, bad pun ). Hubby could smell death on me when I went over for money so I bet others can too (then again, he's part coon dog, so who knows).

Gah.

Something funny is that I ran out of caffeine and didn't feel like going to the store. I remembered seeing some Vivarin in one of my drawers, so I've been taking it. I don't like Vivarin because I minorly ODed on it in my late teens or so. Logically, I know there's no difference between it and the Awake brand I use, but it's a mental thing. The Vivarin kicked my butt. I couldn't sleep after taking one 6 hours earlier which is highly unusual. I can feel the effects more. I told myself it was all in my head. Then I broke down and read it... I only have a single "sheet" of 8 pills. Stamped into the foil is "0956MM DEC 91" I don't know what the first bit is all about, but 1991? Seriously? Where in the world did I find these ancient things? And why have I held onto them