Thread: Ask me about being Transgender

You'll make a fine woman, lass.

"I've felt like/wanted to be a girl since I was 7 years old, around the same time I became aware that there were differences between boys and girls. I was born this way. It wasn't a choice I made.
I like girls, which means I'm a lesbian (also not a choice I made)."

Mind elaborating? On what, I don't really know, I just like asking people to elaborate. Also, how did your family first react?

Mario! Welcome back! I was wondering where ya been at - this place isn't the same without you - well, even though you're not quite the same - or soon won't be or whatever.

Ok sorry, feeble attempt at humor.

Anyway, wow, I had no idea - but congratulations and much respect. Guess I haven't asked a question - um - which one do you use?

Originally Posted by GavinGill

You'll make a fine woman, lass.

"I've felt like/wanted to be a girl since I was 7 years old, around the same time I became aware that there were differences between boys and girls. I was born this way. It wasn't a choice I made.
I like girls, which means I'm a lesbian (also not a choice I made)."

Mind elaborating? On what, I don't really know, I just like asking people to elaborate. Also, how did your family first react?

Aww, thanks.

Well around the 1st/2nd grade, I found myself naturally drawn to the company of women. More than once I claimed that I would grow up to be a woman. I detested wearing boyish clothes and dressed as feminine or androgynous as possible. For several years, I had very long hair that went above and beyond the "mullet". I found it greatly satisfying when people mistook me for a girl. So, yeah, it's just sort of been with me my whole life. I've also been attracted to ladies since forever. That started when I was 4. I find men sexually unattractive in all regards (although Old Spice Guy is somehow oddly charming).

My family took the news in stride. My dad and sister both thought it was kind of neat and adjusted to the idea in a matter of seconds. Overnight, they started treating me like a girl. My mom was a bit more stressed out from concern (as mothers are apt to do), but still accepting. She's adjusting quite well.

Strangely, both of my parents figured I was gay. They were half right.

Mario! Welcome back! I was wondering where ya been at - this place isn't the same without you - well, even though you're not quite the same - or soon won't be or whatever.

Ok sorry, feeble attempt at humor.

Anyway, wow, I had no idea - but congratulations and much respect. Guess I haven't asked a question - um - which one do you use?

Aww, I missed you, too. Thanks.

I'm still presenting as male, so I use the men's room if I have to. More often than not I'll just plan ahead and wait to get home.

WAIT! Who is your role model / do you have a hero?

Cool, didn't really see that coming. It's a good thing your family is with you on all this.

This is the part where you post pictures.

Originally Posted by IAmCoder

WAIT! Who is your role model / do you have a hero?

I suppose my hero would be Norman Borlaug, who used science to save the lives of over a billion people in his lifetime.

Originally Posted by Marvo

Cool, didn't really see that coming. It's a good thing your family is with you on all this.

This is the part where you post pictures.

Sorry, I don't have a camera. Besides, I'm still presenting as male, and I don't want to be remembered/thought of/pictured as being male. Maybe in a year, though.

Congratulations Mario, it sounds like you've given this alot of thought and I'm glad your parents are on board. That is encouraging news to other kids in the same predicament as yourself, in light of the stories we all hear about families disowning their kids (for simply being who they are wtf). Also are you going to change your name? Perhaps Mariana?

Originally Posted by stormcrow

Congratulations Mario, it sounds like you've given this alot of thought and I'm glad your parents are on board. That is encouraging news to other kids in the same predicament as yourself, in light of the stories we all hear about families disowning their kids (for simply being who they are wtf). Also are you going to change your name? Perhaps Mariana?

Thanks. I hope I can be of help to anyone thinking of undergoing this transition, or people just curious to understand it.

I'd love to change my name, but I don't have the points to do it (although I will change my real-life name in the not too distant future).

Are you going to bank your sperm?

So you're doing hormones then a physical sex change? Also if you need to someone to talk to you can PM me although I don't really have too much experience with what you're going through.

Originally Posted by Auron

Are you going to bank your sperm?

Yeah...mostly for my parents' comfort, I suppose, but it's still a good idea regardless.

Originally Posted by ooflendoodle

So you're doing hormones then a physical sex change? Also if you need to someone to talk to you can PM me although I don't really have too much experience with what you're going through.

Yes, I need to bank the swimmers, get a letter of recommendation from a therapist, and then I can begin hormone therapy. I should hopefully be on them in a couple of months. Over the summer, I'll start presenting as female. Some people go through gradual transformations, but mine is going to be more like an explosion. After a year of presenting as female and two more letters of recommendation, I can go through with the main event.

And thanks.

Why do you subscribe to society-deemed gender roles?

Originally Posted by Squishdiboo

Why do you subscribe to society-deemed gender roles?

I never really have. I've never been masculine or macho. I've always been pretty feminine or androgynous. Being a girl is just so much fun. :3

What makes someone a "girl" though?

Originally Posted by Mario92

Yes, I need to bank the swimmers, get a letter of recommendation from a therapist, and then I can begin hormone therapy. I should hopefully be on them in a couple of months. Over the summer, I'll start presenting as female. Some people go through gradual transformations, but mine is going to be more like an explosion. After a year of presenting as female and two more letters of recommendation, I can go through with the main event.

Are you nervous about hormone therapy? Specifically how your body will react to it( or more importantly how your brain[part of your body lol] will react to it)? Ive read that Alan Turning killed himself after undergoing hormone therapy (which castrated him) but of course it was kinda forced upon him. I'm not trying to frighten or discourage you from undergoing it but I was wondering if you have thought about how it might change your personality?

Originally Posted by Squishdiboo

What makes someone a "girl" though?

An excellent question! I happened upon a set of letters from another transgender person a while back, and I really can't put it into better terms myself.

If someone asked you to come up with 7 specific characteristics that define what "female" is what would those be?

I cannot define the word 'female' from a godlike perspective, as an arbiter of Meaning. I can define the word 'female' in terms of my own experience. So....

1. My internal, for lack of a better term, "Body Map". Amputees sometimes complain of phantom limb sensation, and so do those born without arms or legs. Even without ever having possessed limbs from before birth, they still feel fingers and toes. The brain has a kind of map of the construction of the body. This map functions even when parts are missing. Naturally the map is different for males and females. I felt, was aware, of what I lacked. I could feel it. After my surgery, that feeling is about as equally cured as my surgery was successful. Until my studies included knowledge about the brain's map of the body, I was amazed that I had somehow 'guessed' exactly what having a female body would feel like. Now I have learned it was no guess: my internal map literally did know how I should be constructed. Knowing that makes things seem less mystical, I must admit. So for me, being 'Female' is having a body that matches my internal 'map'.

2. My internal emotional state under both male and female hormones. Under male hormones I was angry yet emotionally suppressed, like a dam about to explode. My sexuality was out of control, and I felt horrible feelings and had loathsome drives. Unchecked, I am fairly certain I could have eventually committed any manner of violence or savagery from the insanity I felt. I literally felt out of control, distanced from my own actions and perceptions, and constantly out of balance. I felt physically and emotionally ill. On estrogen, on female hormones, I am better in every imaginable way. I am nicer, happier, safer to be around, and healthier. I love my life and feel a part of it. I can express my emotions and they are appropriate to circumstance. So for me, being 'female' is feeling like my self, rather than feeling like somebody else other than myself.

3. My position within society and the world. In the male social role, there was almost nothing that I could do and feel comfortable about doing. Whatever action I took, I had to act in a manner alien to me, in an artificial way, or risk being physically harmed. I suffered many beatings before I learned how to walk, talk and act in a way that would not have males hurt or berate me to dangerous levels. Now, living as a woman, I simply act from my heart. I act without thought to how I act...I sit, stand, walk, talk, and function as is natural to me, and this causes me no injury or danger: indeed I am complimented or simply left alone. So for me, being 'female' means being able to stop performing theatre, and simply live my life naturally.

4. My relationships with others. Interpersonal relationships are deeply, intimately affected by all of the factors I have already listed in parts one, two, and three. When I was out of my head from male hormone poisoning, suicidally depressed over my missing organs and deformed body, and unable to act like myself but was instead forced to live out a perpetual nightmare of performing a theatrical role of 'more-or-less-male', I found it impossible to actually feel truly close to anyone. It was incomprehensibly LONELY. Especially when I was around anyone. Think about that.
Now I have wonderful relationships, which have lasted for over 16 years. I know love, and emotional honesty and enjoy trust and closeness I never dreamed possible. So for me, being 'female' means being able to actually love and be loved.

5. My overall functionality. I can actually function now. Before, I was seriously messed up. It was amazing if I could accomplish anything. It was hard to stay alive. Now, physically corrected, I am a game designer, artist, website creator (I create professional sites, like HappyPuppy.com and others, not just silly TS issue sites!), hetaera, writer, cartoonist, collector, software pundit, and much more. It would take several pages to list all of the things I do, or have become competent at. Goodness, it is all the difference between being a failure and a success! So for me, being 'female' is being powerful and effective.

6. Not lying. Not lying about who I am, what I am, what I like, what I do not like, what I do, what I dream of, what I hope for, who I like, who I love, how I feel, needing help, being, doing, trying, living. For me, being 'female' is the privilege of finally getting to be honest. Damn, but you would be amazed how precious and important such a simple seeming thing actually is!

7. Sex. I suppose I really should put this one in the list, even though it is not very important to me. It is a real thing, and when I actually am sexual, being the correct physical sex turns what was once a nightmare horror into something that can -if I cope well with my emotional scars from having had the wrong flesh- even sometimes be pleasant. I doubt I will ever be truly comfortable with sex, but at least it is no longer tantamount to an internal raping of my very identity. So, finally on this list, for me, being 'female' is being able to be at least a little comfortable with sex.

Those are my seven specific characteristics.

Originally Posted by stormcrow

Are you nervous about hormone therapy? Specifically how your body will react to it( or more importantly how your brain[part of your body lol] will react to it)? Ive read that Alan Turning killed himself after undergoing hormone therapy (which castrated him) but of course it was kinda forced upon him. I'm not trying to frighten or discourage you from undergoing it but I was wondering if you have thought about how it might change your personality?

On the contrary! Hormone replacement is an exciting new adventure. Is death a risk? Sure. It's marginal, but present. On the other hand, if I don't undergo it, death becomes a certainty. Either way, I do not fear it. I fear pain. I fear the torment of being trapped in the wrong body and social role for the rest of my natural days. As for my personality, I'll always be myself. I may gain a newfound depth of emotion and lose most of my sex drive, but that's fine with me. I embrace such changes with open arms.

Well you have to remember that there is "gender" and there is "sex". Gender refers to the psychological aspect of a person, where sex refers to the physiological aspect. We all know when a person is a girl, in regards to sex, but gender is different. It's very fluid and has more wiggle room. Personally I know I change a lot, depending on what sex I'm dealing with. I wouldn't say my gender switches into "girl", but I'm definitely more feminine when pursuing a guy, where as with girls, I'll have a more 'normal' masculine mindset.

edit: @Squishdiboo

I just hate the concept of gender roles, and labeling. I like to think of myself as "me" not as "girl."

So how about getting a job? Are you excited about the prospect of earning less and being treated as less competent than males in your field/position?

Originally Posted by Squishdiboo

What makes someone a "girl" though?

Squishy boobs

Originally Posted by Squishdiboo

I just hate the concept of gender roles, and labeling. I like to think of myself as "me" not as "girl."

So how about getting a job? Are you excited about the prospect of earning less and being treated as less competent than males in your field/position?

While labels can at times become obnoxious and pointless, there's definitely nothing wrong with identifying a pscyhological trend in humans with a word. "Guy" is definitely an adequate description of me that I accept. So is bisexual.

edit: ah, apparently the term "bigender" also exists. I guess that also could be used to describe me to some extent. This is the point where labels begin to become too exhaustive

Originally Posted by Darkmatters

Squishy boobs

Every fat man out there probably takes offense.

I wasn't answering the question, I was trying to figure out how to write your name.

Originally Posted by Squishdiboo

I just hate the concept of gender roles, and labeling. I like to think of myself as "me" not as "girl."

So how about getting a job? Are you excited about the prospect of earning less and being treated as less competent than males in your field/position?

Labels are fine with me. I'm a lesbian. I'm transgender and transsexual. I'm a girl. These are words that accurately describe me. Why should I take shame in them?

As for jobs, I'm not really concerned. I'm going to be a pharmacist, for which there is enormous demand, so finding a job isn't a problem. Any gaps that arise between sexes in terms of respect and income also tend to diminish as the level of education required for a job increases. Further, the empathy typically expected of women gives me an advantage over my male counterparts as a pharmacist, especially in jobs that deal directly with the public.

How comfortable are you with being shirtless atm? Will that change after the procedure? Will we be able to inspect the surgeon's handiwork?