DarkestDarkness

1st October 2021

Fragment:

I am in T's room. We're sitting together at his desk, which is facing the window. The curtains are open and it's a sunset outside. The sun keeps glaring in my face and I struggle with the brightness. At the same time, I can't get comfortable at the desk. I have a square monitor and my arms and wrists hurt with the way they rest on the desk, partly because my chair is too short. T says to do something about it then, and I get some pillows to stack on the seat.

In the middle of all this struggling, I end up at first missing the fact that the sunset is now over and the light is on now, but the curtains are still open.

(recall gap, the following are scraps from the same dream)

In WoW, I am mailing an item to myself. Some kind of developer marriage is interrupted by fans.

I am then in a Star Trek universe and am with an away team. End up in a room back on the ship where I try to use a replicator but I end up pooping myself in the room's bathroom or something.

---

Notes:

- The Star Trek locale was very reminiscent to the sets and layouts of Voyager, which I've recently been watching.
-- In that part of the dream, I remember feeling confused at several points and many things were going against me, in terms of events playing out. I think I may have been confined to some quarters. The replicator I tried using didn't function properly, at least for anything I wanted, but I can't recall what that mighthave been anymore.

- In the WoW segment, I was mailing an item to the same character I was playing and not an alt, something that's never been possible.
-- I have a faint recollection of the locale being some altered version of Stormwind.

- During the initial segment of the dream, I am struggling with issues that typically T would be more likely to struggle with, at least in regards to his room and layout. I would not have so much of an issue with the sun and would probably be appreciating it, in waking life. In a way, this dream moment is a window into my perception of his experience, on some level.

- The experience of struggling against the glaring sunset reminds me now very strikingly of the time I was walking back home with mom, at a time of a sunset but during which I hit my head on something metal and started bleeding, all of which was caused by struggling against a glaring sunset directly ahead.

28th July 2021

Several bits around the same theme of survival.

Fragment:

I'm watching a video, or TV broadcast. It's about a survival show on a large island. They're saying "in our previous show only a few survivors could manage to scratch a living but now up to seven million tribals will be competing!", something like that. There's this image super-imposed over a panning view of a tropical island. The super-imposed image is an idle animation of some white tribals posing together, forming a sort of pyramidal composition as is often seen in group photos. I think to myself that the older existing tribes won't take kindly to such a number of newcomers.

I also think to myself that I'd rather be there myself, playing, rather than just watching TV.

(transition or recall gap, chronology got messed up in recording the dream)

I'm on a sandy and sunny beach, it's near noon judging by the sun. I later become aware that to my left there is a jungle or forest area and further left and close-by is a ruined town or city. I came out of some kind of drop pod and I see someone else who just has too. I'm not sure whether or not I should trust someone else at this point.

Then some raptors about our own size appear and they start harassing each of us. I hit them with something and try to grasp them by the neck and try to twist and break them. I possibly kill one or two and help the other person out, a woman. Then when we're in close proximity, one of the raptors is trying to steal something from me, and it succeeds. I try to catch the raptor and it behaves like a cheeky dog and I may be slightly annoyed. The woman recommends I let go and don't bother chasing the animal. I eventually let go and the raptor stops being cheeky and just ruins off into the ruined city.

(recall gap)

Still with the same woman? She needs to send an e-mail to someone and I know there aren't many places where she can do that, here. We go into a building that I was in before at some point in the dream. Inside, it's dark. Lots of dark brown colour, like rust. There are many mechanical mechanisms and there are a few desktop computers set up in a cramped corridor.

There are many things here that I know to have been set up by H in the dream. I sit at some chair or something in front of a computer. I'm trying to change the plugs around back so that she can use this old Windows 95 machine, because I still don't fully trust her and figure that this way she won't be able to release any viruses intentionally, or accidentally. For some reason I'm struggling with the plugs. The video connection coming out of the W95 machine is almost like a USB but the shape is slightly different and won't fit into the even weirder input shape on the other computer, or screen.

I eventually give up and just let her use the normal computer, feeling that I can trust her just enough anyway.

(recall gap)

Something about another building or another part of this same building. There's some small weird water gremlin bug thing... In actuality it looks a bit like a grey coloured shrimp but in the dream I think of it as crayfish. I am nervous around it because it moves erratically and I don't like its look and the look of its "whiskers".

---

Notes:

- The next day, I was using some Firewire stuff with H to set up a microphone for me to use. At the time, that made me think of the USB-like plugs in the dream, because Firewire is not too different in the physical look of the ends and its intended purpose is similar anyway.

- My nervousness around the grey creature was related both to shallow standing water in that area and also to the residual feelings of fright or jump-scare I still get from, for example, some arachnids.
-- I do not particularly like shrimp, neither in look or smell, though I can't say I recall their taste. I always thought they looked a bit too "bug"-like to eat, despite their popularity in my native region.

- I had to look up crayfish because I couldn't actually remember what they looked like; the dream creature really didn't resemble them.

22nd July 2021

Unsure if this actually took place on this day or some other one further back. I had initially casually mistaken these dream memories as actual waking memories.

Scraps:

Something about power being partly off in the house? I remember I use my computer but I don't really go online for anything at any point, so I don't notice any issues, it's only when H comes in and points something out that I understand that there even was an issue of any kind. I think it's an early time in the morning, but not sure what. (Possibly related to waking at 6:30ish the other day.)

---

Notes:

- One of the factors of having mistaken these as waking memories was the realism/general accuracy of the fragment, it was only on discussing the memory with H that it really did seem odd and not completely logical.

20th June 2021

Fragment:

Outside, walking through a town area of some kind, it's mostly flat, maybe with some downwards incline. I'm with someone I know closely, maybe J or L. There's something about a lan party of some kind. Walking through the town, maybe food or fast food is mentioned. There are eight of us in total? I am carrying a laptop around in one of the laptop bags we have here at home in waking life. In the dream, I am aware of my laptop being inferior to everyone else's.

Something about eating beans? There's some kind of sauce, maybe chilli, but no rice. There's a familiar taste.

While reading the exercise on p.78 of Dream Gates:

I'm sitting down and reading this exercise thinking about desert, then beach and then home. From the windows of many of the flats people are banging pots and pans, my awareness or focus on this quickly fades and then I'm focusing on the cars parked around the cul-de-sac, which are warm to the touch from the sun, but there is a morning light so actually most were in shade. Suddenly S appears, her lead is in my hand and she licks my face; I lick her back for good measure because I always feel she needs to have perspective of how it feels. She reels a little as she would.

Then she starts pulling hard on the lead, barking or growling at some passer-by and making me trip over and fall to the floor, vaguely feeling myself being dragged along but without any of the friction I'd expect. She makes her way to the hills behind the garages, it looks as it did after the shanties were removed but before the supermarket built. The scene changes to be next to the eucalyptus on that hill. Then, I have a vague intent.

It changes to unfinished highway that would be visible from the hill. I'm under the unfinished underpass of a concrete bridge. I know there's a door to my left but I cannot turn or see it from my point of view. I feel it's a metal door, painted a deep blue, maybe a little rusty. Like ones I've seen somewhere before in my childhood.

I sort of unintentionally break away from this and then just continue reading a bit more and then write some notes down for this.

---

Notes:

- Although the exercise asks for thinking of natural places and afterwards I found that my old home felt natural enough, because there's vegetation and bush in several parts and the building of where I used to live has always been pretty much on the edge of town, so nature of some kind has never been very far.

- The visualisation came about mostly unintentionally but it was pleasant, especially because although I couldn't see S very well, I appreciated the fact that she was there as some kind of animal guide. I was always told by mom that black dogs are considered luck charms in certain cultures, so I suppose that was present in my mind on some level. Thinking about it now, S appeared very well and despite vague visuals, she seemed just as I have always known her.

- The concrete underpass was shady and the unknown door could be a such a figurative entrance to the underworld and so on as the exercise suggests, even though the door might not lead down, it would go through earth.

27th March 2021

Scraps:

(recalled after I sat at my desk)

I am at my computer. I'm checking on Steam or some other similar program and in there I see that AH messages me saying that I "was right, it was a joke", which she then starts to explain in more detail. I feel a mix of anger and mistrust but also relief.

A possible false awakening where my alarm was going off and playing music; but something about the music didn't seem right each time. The environment looked accurate to waking life but foolishly I didn't think to do any types of checks, as I felt quite sleepy.

Notes:
- While in bed last night, had another dialogue with Data as I was falling asleep. This time I could use my own voice and not the captain's. But Data seemed unable to communicate very clearly this time. We talked about dream signs and my inability to either notice them or have them appear, lately, as well as how I have been doing some RCs too routinely sometimes.

- When I recalled the fragment about the conversation with AH, some of the dream feelings described were temporarily present. I proceeded to check that this conversation hadn't actually happened and really was just from a dream.

- Although the environment looked accurate while I was hearing the alarm, I also recall it seemed brighter than it should have done for that time of the morning. I've had dreams where the environment looked so accurate that it was easily acceptable for them to be waking life locations/situations.

26th February 2021

Fragment:

(didn't make enough effort to recall after initial awakening)

I'm in a town or city of some kind. I am trying to find presidents, from Russia and the USA.

In a parking lot, I see a limousine and check there, but they're not there? Or maybe the Russian one is.

Fragment:

Another dream, with H. I'm sitting at a desk and H is standing.

H sort of slaps or flicks a mug that is on top of a speaker or a screen and it flies my way with a rotating motion and lands perfectly in my hands as I sort of try to catch it. I become upset in some way at H for doing this.

---

Notes:
- It's not the first time I've had a dream about politicians, though because of the vague recall I can't really say how they related to me in the dream.
- The second fragment probably relates to one of those things I can imagine H doing on a whim, either for fun or as a prank of sorts.

Long dreams but poor recall again. Dream vividness/in-dream detail has been fairly high.

29th December 2020

Fragment:

Was getting out of a house, getting ready to go somewhere. I climb some roof or something like and for some reason I get something really bad in my left leg, it's very painful. My leg gets amputated below the knee.

Then I'm in a classroom? I walk around, dealing with phantom limb sensations. I tell some therapist I'll try the mirror box theory later when I get a chance, to try and teach my leg/brain that things are different now. I see B from school and talk to him about some drawings he'd made.

The phantom limb can somehow still hold or move a sandal at the end of where my foot would actually be. I can see the old missing bit of my leg, as if it was phasing in and out.

30th December 2020

Dream, fragmented:

Driving on a motorway/highway. J and my siblings talking to me in a street? I'm in a city of some kind, it's day time. It seems quiet but not overly so, just like not a lot of people actually live here or lead peaceful lives. J was comforting me in some kind of parental way, but I don't remember about what.

At some point my view changes and it becomes top-down. Things look a bit like Factorio. I launch a nuke ICBM from a silo and after going up out of sight it comes back down only a few structures away from the silo. The silo is OK after this but most of the rest in the area gets destroyed; robots quickly start replacing most of it and I try to manually place some alternate structures.

(transition gap)

At a castle, there with mom and T. We take a walk around the outer area of the castle, close to the walls. At some point I climb up some tower. It's really high up and I can see the sky and the sun, as well as distant mountains. Sunset.

Later in the same area, something about a couple of roofers. I take away a couple of carrier bags and T helps me. I ask if they have some drinks because I'm taking the cola away with me. I accidentally lose grip and drop the carrier bag with it down a flight of worn stone stairs. I don't worry and let out an "oops". T gets slightly upset, or annoyed.

Then at ground level in an inner courtyard area. I look around and see limestone? yellow-ish stone, into which there are relief carvings and sculptures. I feel compelled to clean these carefully, they're covered in moss and general dirt.

(transition gap)

Then I'm on a bus with aunt B and mom. B is telling a story about ravines in Germany and how they are very popular attractions. The bus driver is sort of at the middle/back of the bus. It has a weird layout but looks standard otherwise. I think the driver struggles with seeing where he's going and it feels like there's a lot of traffic around us. It's an overcast day but I remember we go through a tunnel at some point. I remember seeing the ravines my aunt was on about, but partly in my mind, but as vividly as if real?

(then, many fragments)

Views of animated scenes with M/M themes. I think something to myself, a kind of feeling of envy (about the authors?) but the specifics are lost. I look up images of Zor'Drak for some reason. The same themes again, explicit in some cases. One picture is of him with an open maw and a tiny creature on his tongue, pleasuring itself; they both seem to be enjoying the activity. There's a light and warm glow coming from deeper inside the mouth. The description mentions "Ezekiel" and it seems this has something to do with the smaller character.

20th December 2020

Fragment:

Last bit. Building some new Ryzen computer. I'm struggling to put in ancillary wires on a boxy thing on top of the case, which supposedly has the new CPU itself. I wonder why it fits so badly and I think that I'll need H's help for this.

Just before that, I'm in a reality that has Sims-based rules or something like that and I'm in first person and building ourselves a house together with H.

Before this I'm in a church walking up the aisle at a quick pace. I think it's day time outside and there's a nice sort of yellow natural light indoors. The altar area looks like a semi octagon or hexagon. The church is filling up and when I was walking up the aisle I was doing so with my eldest sibling, apparently a bishop in red garments with white undercloth and a red cap. He goes to sit where bishops are apparently supposed to sit, on some sort of commode things by the altar.

There was more but recall was lost.

17th November 2020

Fragment:

(Lost most of recall I woke up early in the morning because I was too hot, around 6am?, unknown)

Raid groups or something like them? There were some dream characters that were kind of like combat medics. This didn't make me RC even though it should have been a prominent cue to do so. I think it did raise my level of dream awareness but not enough. I remember specifically noticing that these dream characters were glitching visually, their limbs clipped through their clothing in weird ways, as poorly animated models might do.

Fragment:

Something with C from school and T. There was a general context around the old home.

---

18th November 2020

Fragment:

I was talking via Steam to Sh from the PTFG. It didn't quite sound like him though. He was asking me how I was and we discussed something about my well-being at length; the conversation was heavily focused on me but mostly because he kept asking questions in that direction.

---

Notes (for 18th only):

- Last night I spend some time speaking with F from BL and we caught up a bit and he was asking me how we'd been.

- Dream recall had vanished by the time I got up from bed and when the recall first came through, I mistook it for a real memory, taking me a couple of minutes to go through it and realising it was simply vague recall of a dream.

- I slept poorly last night and the last few days have been very difficult for me, physically. I have also been feeling completely demotivated from my creative activity.

- Last night I continued reading the book from the LD Book Club and I had been thinking about the four-step process for dream-work. After my initial recall of this dream this morning, I have been considering trying them on this, since it's a fairly short dream and seemingly quite specifically directed towards how I've been feeling.

- All I can visually recall from the dream is the chat window and Sh's icon.
-- Typing the above note, I have just realised that my abbreviation for the person in the chat has a secondary and much more specific significance to me.

12th November 2020

Fragment:

Out with H somewhere. It's day time and we're approaching a wooden or metal gate of a farm or ranch of some sort. There is a building on the left of the gate, in the distance there are hills or low mountains and more immediately to our right is a small mounding area. There are some darkly coloured horses here and they eventually get up close to some trees on the mound area and stand up on their hind legs and basically start trying to copulate with the trees, which have some holes at just about the right height.

I don't recall what happened next exactly but I remember noticing the trees had no leaves left at all anymore, but the grass was green-ish and not covered in leaves. The horses later stopped what they were doing I think and turned into dogs instead.

13th November 2020

Fragment:

The dream was focused around a black boy I was trying to help. He must have been no older than eight years of age.

He had no parents? I think he was wanting to get some information about some random guy and the info he wanted was in a hard drive. I suggested we could plug it in at my computer and it would be quicker this way.

But for whatever reason, the drive needed a scart connector. I remember we looked for about three hours (it felt long, but not actually three-hour long) and I couldn't find one of these connectors, only some other old connectors.

I remember starting to feel frustrated after finding a component lead or something. I can't remember what we chose to do at this point but I do recall a computer, with a CRT. In retrospect now, it felt like something like what we had back at home when I was younger.

There's a large gap in my recall here.

At some point it becomes evident or is revealed that there's something mystical about the boy. He was unliving or something. There were dark forces trying to reclaim him, back to their domains. Another recall gap.

Near the end of the dream, a human-like demon is pouring (out of his mouth?) tea bags in front of the boy's feet. Something about these being a representation of the number of times the boy had avoided or cheated death or capture.

The dream was particularly long most of the recall was lost because of having to get ready in the morning and the recall I managed to keep for the initial notes was about an hour old at that point. Would like to edit in some notes at some later point.

Been pretty busy lately and too tired as a result, but still been able to make note of some loose fragments.

---

17th September 2020

Scraps:

In a town or city. Doing some climbing with my old school friend C, in some old part of a town.

Something about a "debug" viewmode of a landscape set used as a backdrop like in Freelancer (I think I meant like a skysphere).

Something about a physically encoded (computer) memory that could be transmitted by light. A prize?

---

19th September 2020

Fragment:

From a fairly long dream. In this part, the dream plot was about WW2. I was in Nazi Germany and I was coming out of a building just when I and someone I'm with suddenly receive word that America has declared war on Germany.

The two German soldiers (with their contextual Nazi outfits) standing guard by the doors just outside the building overheard this as we were coming down some steps and commenting or something. They turned their heads ever so slightly toward us, seeming surprised about the news but not moving an inch from their post. They turned their heads straight forward again as we continued walking and then we walked past them, into an open street, I think.

Then at some point, I and other dream characters thought it was "high time" that we returned to our original time, in the "future". We had to get back to some sort of time machine pod.

I remember being in the room with the pod and it could only take one person at a time. This place was hidden somewhere in town? It was a concrete room and was very well lit, with large white fluorescent tube lights.

---

20th September 2020

Fragment:

Something about plain old items being an example of how a new storage unit thing could store multiple types of items. Recall faded quickly for some reason. Some lingering feeling of being related to games I've played recently (BL, Fact).

Finally done with catch-up now.

---

8th September 2020

Fragment:

Very long dream, poor recall because I had no chance to write about it until the evening.

A small housing area. Modern-style appearance, cubical lots of white and concrete and glass, but low flats? Two, three story at most. Vague details of it, but the plot revolved around marriage and the dream characters were all fictitious. I was myself, but mostly only in a physical sense, my life here was its own life, created by the dream.

The dream character I was supposed to marry was some girl, with odd hair or something? There was a Middle Eastern or Italian feel to her family. Maybe just Mediterranean in general.

Her father was famous/infamous. I think he was especially notorious for what he would do when he disapproved of a groom. I remember at first I did meet with his approval but at some point I realised this wasn't due to last, for some reason. Then, when he did become disapproving, he did not treat me as cruelly as he had treated others in the past, but warned me that something bad was to happen?

The girl became distant. Most of the dream's plot took place at their family flat.

11th September 2020

Fragment:

Again long dream but recall faded, left it too long.

I'm in some kind of fantasy action RPG. By the end, I entered some special hell area (very orangey) through a portal. The portal was framed by some sharp obsidian fang shapes?

I remember dying in that area, a stupid and avoidable death I think. That made me lose a lot of progress, at least of everything I'd done in there, which I now couldn't recover for some reason. Interactions with some narrating npc?

Fragment:

Micro dream where I'm looking at erotic art on my PC. The explorer layout is not my usual one but in the dream I don't make special note of this. A lot of the art is greyscale or line art only. I think about tracing some of it for practice but I end up feeling aroused as I'm looking through the pieces. Some of them were real ones I know from waking life but I think many were simply dream-generated.

Fragment:

Another dream in which I returned to the context of the first one. I was some warrior class character and fighting waves of humans and dwarves equipped with dark-ish metal armours. Every so often when I killed enemies, red banners would prop up on a black pole, with semi-random frequency. I remember looting some items.

Was too tired to make note of more and recall faded too much.

Edit: Added in 16th August 2020

Dream:

The dream was a bit like Final Fantasy somehow. Had a cinematic-like presentation, long dream overall.

At a mall with H, meeting up with my mom and dad. There are three bad guys around and we help local security deal with them. I remember a rectangular area of the mall, it had four escalators or six, two at each end (four in total) and then another two at the central area?

Then I'm walking outside with H, we're holding our arms together. Some Australian guy appears and makes a remark of some kind? I get annoyed by it and I sort of snark at him but not too much, as he looks well built and I'd rather not get into a fight. He kind of goes quiet.

We go for a wee? At some point the guy apologises, something about being gay being illegal in Australia; I accept his apology and say I understand that he has a different background.

A girl? At a castle/mansion place. I remember the outside walls of some castle tower buildings, we were walking along them earlier. The girl is from an earlier part in the dream. I remember being bare foot and feeling cold tiles but not being bothered enough by it for me to mention it.

---

18th August 2020

Dream:

At the end of the dream, me and H were using some kind of Matrix VR headset. Were we watching or maybe participating in a show of some kind?

Then I remember being with H in my parents' old bedroom. We're both naked and we're sort of just lounging about? At one point, H starts getting aroused and we both get a bit silly, making jokes or something. I remember making a Scorpius impression.

I remember running water. Some kind of device attached to a wall. It was leaky, or poorly sealed. Then I remember something else about MB and I was upset that he was lying to someone again, and then he was pretending he hadn't done anything.

---

20th August 2020

Dream (DFLN Thread):

Part of a very long dream. Something about some dream characters, within some big building. A girl who tries to tackle me I think? I seem to remember the building wasn't finished or something, as I remember seeing a lot of bare concrete and open sections.

I dodge the girl's tackle and she falls from three stories high, and she comes apart into several bloody pieces as she hits the floor, but the "tearing apart" seems to not correspond to the impact that had occurred, as it seems lethargic compared to the actual impact and fall.

Several dream characters and small interactions with them? (Like what... Nicely detailed!)

At some point I was in some very distorted version of my old home but with my current neighbours. At some point me and H are in a version of my old room.

I remember hearing the neighbour scream like we've heard it in some mornings before but we mostly just ignored it this time. I also remember the lady from the old couple had someone over, and she was talking so loudly we could hear her voice clearly through walls.

By the end of the dream I'm looking at the computer. I'm on my browser, on the usual art site. Dream-generated art from other artists and I remember commenting or interacting somehow. Something about an art piece focused on a giant maw and its teeth.

Then I remember being on DV looking at my DJ and seeing that I got my Roman numerals numbering wrong somehow and in more than just a few entries. It makes me wonder in the dream, if I should rename them all and just scrap the idea.

---

Notes:
- Although I don't get them so much anymore I still sometimes have these dreams with MB in them. What surprises me a bit is that in the dreams I don't react violently to his presence. There's usually a context of normalcy, as if contact had never been broken but with the subtext that he'd still done something wrong.
- I don't remember any details of the VR headset thing but it sounds interesting. It's reminding me now of some very ancient dreams I had in my childhood (before I even watched the Matrix, I think?).

- The girl that falls to literal bits, this was probably partly brought on from playing KF, in which the enemies come apart when killed and in, I suppose, quite gruesome ways; though when playing I usually find this to be quite amusing because of the physics effects and sometimes the slow-mo effect makes it all the more amusing.
- The thing about the DJ numerals has occurred to me before as passing thoughts while on DV and away from it too. I have had thoughts about how the system will become cumbersome when it reaches very high numbers.
- The second dream, in the part where I was looking at art; this may have been part of a subconscious process that recently pushed me to trying to do something creative together with another artist. But as with the rest of my dreams on this recurring subject the focus is on interaction, a part I feel deeply deprived of quite often.

- Also worth noting that I was a bit lax with my recall and DJ efforts for about a week, in good part because of schedules and also because of tiredness. I often find it frustrating when I want to make note of dreams while feeling physically incapable of it (fatigue, pain, etc).

9th July 2020

Fragment:

Something about talking to A in some imagined version of her home. I remember it was day time and there was a coffee table? An old style computer with a CRT.

We talked about a few things, mostly random ones, but also about my art and I asked if she knew anyone who might be interested.

---

10th July 2020

Fragment:

Dream about being on the computer and looking through one of the art sites I frequent. I remember looking at my own art and other peoples' art, but the rest of the recall is gone.

---

11th July 2020

Fragment:

On the computer, looking at one of the art sites again, and at my account page. I think I'd received some comments and I was typing up replies to the comments. I vaguely remember new dream-generated artwork, both of my own authorship and of other artists.

Something about wanting to make a second account for only certain types of posts (?) but in the end I decided it would be too confusing if I had duplicate uploads between two different accounts.

---

Notes:
- There is quite a mix within these three days, the dreams being pretty much about the same thing in one way or another; my art and how both I and others perceive it.
- At present this hasn't been manifesting in dreams quite as much but at the time of these dreams I was perhaps finding myself obsessively thinking about these things a bit through the days, more so than currently.
- The recalled part of the first dream relates directly to how I no longer have direct contacts/friendships with people who are interested in the same things, thus trying to see if a friend did know anyone and if we could basically be introduced; I've had this thought consciously a few times during certain days but since then have decided that I can't meaningfully seek this out in a natural/organic way and since then I've also had a conversation about this topic with a friend.

Last catch up entry for today I think.

23rd June 2020

Fragment:

Remember seeing Discord. I had been removed from the Nx server, as it was no longer on the list. My friends looked shorter too. I soon realised A wasn't on the list anymore and I presumed I'd been removed from their friends list. I checked my Steam friends list and saw the same again.

In the dream I remember thinking this was unsurprising, but all the same, disappointing. It made me feel as though I'd been used, and made irrelevant past a certain point.

---

Notes:
- This part of whatever dream it was from surely came about as part of my emotional processing of a few things, but primarily from a wariness so as to not let myself be lied to or used.
- In the dream I think there was some subtext of libel against me.