Alyzarin

Patchy Memories [Non-Lucid]

Just a couple short clips in this one.... I was in this gigantic house which seemed vaguely based on mine, though I'm pretty sure it was just some huge building, maybe a school, before that.... I was in the living room and there was a huge opening in the roof (made as if it actually belonged there) starting in the opposite corner of the room to me and taking up most of the ceiling. I was fairly concerned with this as it was raining and all this stuff was getting rained on, especially the HD TV. Here my memory blanks out for a bit and skips forward. I'm in a high school classroom or something with... something, an egg maybe? But what was born from it? A bid? A kitten? (Yes, a kitten. Potentially, anyway.) I want to say that that's right but it's really hard to say now.... The last thing I clearly remember about the dream is that Wolfwood was there in the class with me working on some computer and I tried to talk to him after class got out and everyone got up to leave but he just ignored me the whole time.

Domestic Violence [DILD]

I remember becoming lucid in my house with my cousins P and G, although I don't actually remember ever seeing G (at least not clearly). He disappeared at one point while he and P were playing hide and seek. I was gaining clarity as I pulled P out from under the couch, having fallen asleep. He got up and sat on the couch and I decided to walk around smashing things. This lucid was very stable so I was pretty excited that I could get really worked up without waking up. I just knocked over and smashed stuff around the house for a while, like our HD TV, and then I went over to the living room dining table (which I didn't realize until after waking up was actually our old table). It was set up to be a perfect circle (it can be changed) and I picked it up with two hands on the rim and threw it into the air. I did that a few times, then thought to myself "Hold on a sec, what am I doing?" I put it down, then picked it up effortlessly with a single hand, took it into the den, and threw it like a frisbee back into the living room. I ran up to it and caught it on my finger before it hit anything, and I'm pretty sure it actually did turn into a frisbee during that. After that I turned around and saw our DVD bookcases which were kind of treated like one huge bookcase. I picked it up and tried to smash it into the wall but it didn't make a dent. Then I just decided to pick it up like a broadsword and take it back to my room and start smashing my computer and my desk. After everything there was adequately destroyed the dream started becoming blurry, and I woke up.

Just to catch up on a few dreams I missed recording recently....

October 31

Fragment - "Weed smoking at some school with creepy guy who wants cheese pizza, blue teddy bears on the highway? The rest of us eat pepperoni." All I remember about this dream is seeing those blue teddy bears, they looked very trippy and weird. >.>

The Sacred Stream [Non-Lucid]

I was with M and at least one or two other people (who I think was/were imaginary) and after driving in my car a bit and then getting out to walk around we fell way down over the side of this huge cliff. We landed on a rock formation around half way down that had a stream flowing down it and started drinking it, and I believe M who noticed that it was, in fact, alcohol. o.o I took some large handfuls myself and it was freaking delicious! Unfortunately, when we climbed down from it to the ground there was some "tribe" of people there talking about how they were pissed at us from drinking from their sacred river, and then they started shooting at us. (I can't remember if it was just guns or poison darts or what, it's been too long now.) My first car just happened to be parked nearby so we all ran to it and hopped in and I started driving us away, though for a second I got really distracted by the fact that the headlights wouldn't work (), but then they finally did (). We pull off to the road and finally get away, but then I start feeling odd so I pull off to the side and look at my cellphone. Everything on the screen is fluctuating wildly, letters, shapes, and colors start switching around and pulsing and I realize that I'm hallucinating really hard. (In actually, technology usually malfunctions like this for me in dreams. ) I felt like I'd ingested something toxic and M was trying to look after me while I felt colder and weaker, but shortly thereafter I woke up.

November 1

Incredibly Fragmented Lucid [DILD]

"Stabilizing in a house...."

How disappointing is that. ._.

November 3

Pitted Against One Another [Non-Lucid]

I was part of some futuristic battle where people all fighting for their own personal causes were pitted against each other even though they had no hard feelings against each other, and I ended up fighting this one guy in a mall who was trying to set himself free of the hurt that he had because, apparently, he had taught every single person who died on a plane on 9/11 to read and speak English and he hadn't gotten over their deaths. o.o When I had to unfortunately defeat him, he, like, dissolved into blue code while telling me this story....

I really wish I remembered more of that dream, but I didn't even write anything down when I woke up so that's pretty much all I've got now.

I had a good number of dreams last night but I only wrote this one down.... I need to stop being lazy. But, at least this one was sort of fun.

Drawing As A Means Of Summoning? [DILD]

I don't remember the dream up to the part where I became lucid or even a little bit after it, just that it was at a school. I walked down some hallway to a door that should've led to a classroom, but instead it opened up to the stage of some TV game show with a full audience and everything. I was kind of nervous that walking through this door alone would make the dream unstable, so I went to grab a DC to take with me. I walked back out of the hall and found M and grabbed her hand and got her to follow me back. As I was running down the hall with M behind me I thought to myself something along the lines of "She better still be M when I turn around and see her again." and when we got to the door I checked and she was, but upon going through the door I noticed that it just led to a regular classroom now. I guess she wasn't what I should have been worried about changing. I got kind of mad and decided to take my feelings out on the unsuspecting room full of DCs, so I walked up to the chalkboard and drew a cat, like a really basic cat like you would expect a child to draw. I then wrote next to it "ATTACK!" and underlined it twice, and stepped back from the board. The cat's eyes suddenly went from normal circles to an angry expression, and then it crouched back and leapt off of the board, in slow motion, over on to one of the desks a DC was sitting at. Unfortunately, it was still slow and weak-willed, and the DC just kind of brushed it off. ._. I guess I should probably plan that out a little better next time, maybe draw a tiger or something instead. At that point I noticed that the dream was starting to become unstable as the environment seemed to be breaking into strange red runes that would flash all over the place chaotically, so I just started moving around grabbing things and DCs trying to regain some sensory input and re-stabilize things. It did increase the vividness somewhat, it saved the dream temporarily, but this part also gets kind of fuzzy. I also remember (and I THINK this was after the cat stuff, but I'm not 100% sure...) getting really horny and feeling the urge to masturbate, and I almost started but then I realized that that would be a totally pointless use of a lucid dream and it would probably wake me up. I also groped some girl with gigantic breasts for the fun of it at one point, I think it was right after that lol. Shortly after that (or the other thing if that happened before it, but I'm pretty sure that was last), I woke up.

This dream definitely made me consider some new aspects of summoning, like I put in the title. I wonder what else I could bring to life like that....

So Fucking Close [Non-Lucid]

This dream....

There was a lot of stuff going on in this dream, but I only remember the ending where I was sitting in what I'm pretty sure was some kind of auditorium, on the stage with my legs hanging over the edge. I think that's right, I just didn't pay a whole lot of attention to those details at the time.... But anyway, I was sitting next to Jesus and we were about to smoke a joint together. Yes, it was literally about to be that awesome, but then it just got snatched away from me.... I tried lighting the joint and it didn't burn correctly. In fact, the flame spread across the entire joint near instantaneously, though somehow I was able to shake it off and it looked perfectly normal again. In addition to this, I didn't get any smoke at all from my hit, so I knew something was wrong with it. I even let Jesus try to take a hit but the same thing happened to him and he couldn't get anything out of it. I tried one last time but then just gave up and decided to roll a new one. However, the bud didn't really feel like cooperating. I was breaking it up, but the pieces were becoming useless (like going from some crystally chunk to a totally bland green leaf fragment) or just warping all together into other objects, like tiny, colored transparent pieces of plastic. Before I could really figure out a way to resolve this situation, I woke up.

God damn it.

Nasty Things [Hypnagogic Hallucinations]

Last night I decided to try out some binaural beats meditation just for the heck of it, I've had a light and sound machine that can do it for a couple years now but I usually forget about the audio track and just use the visual settings. I put it on a ten minute run for a relaxing setting and it felt pretty awesome... I came out it buzzing. After it shut off I took out the headphones and just kept lying there for a little bit, and then out of the darkness behind my eyelids came a bug, something like a cockroach or a hornet, that started flying around my vision. My first reaction was "Ew!", but then I remembered that, unfortunately, bugs are an important breakthrough sign for me. Watching these bugs crawl along my vision has led to short OBEs before, and one time even resulted in brief but complex audio and visual hallucinations after snapping back to my body. The mild colorful static I normally see in the dark had taken on a depth and I was starting to see a wispy white outline of what appeared to be the inside of a vehicle with an entity or two moving around, but the image never became clear or well-defined. I think I got too distracted with the bug, it's been a good while since that happened. Soon it all faded back into regular darkness.

Oh well, next time.

Side Notes - This lucid is actually from September 27th, I just never took the time to type it up until now.

My Sandbox [MILD]

The main thing I remember about the first part of this dream was that I was at home and we were throwing a party with lots of my family members and old teachers attending. After everyone had pretty much left I was just hanging out in my room and I saw my 11th grade physics teacher coming up to the door through the window so I went to go meet him. I think he also morphed into some random guy at one point.... I went and opened the front door and he wasn't there, and upon seeing that I immediately became lucid. I randomly decided to climb the tree in our front yard, so I sprinted towards it and just ran up it. I'm pretty sure the geometry of this experience was beyond alien, my memory is quite confusing, but eventually I was just standing up on a high point of the tree. I looked up into the sky and saw a car slowly floating through the air way off in the distance and was confused for a second, but I decided I probably shouldn't let myself get distracted with that or the dream will fade. (I've gotten this feeling while staring into the sky while lucid before.) I took one last look at the car and then back down to the ground. Extending out in front of me was a long and incredibly thick tree branch that seemed to be made to resemble the shape of a slide. There was even a little cupped part at the bottom. I slid down and the branch moved to help get me gently on to the ground. I turned around and noticed that the branch was actually in the shape of an arm, and the cupped part was the tree holding its hand like that to assist me. I reached out and shook this massive hand and smiled, the tree seemed nice. I had landed in the road and there was a car coming right for where I was standing, so I crouched down and spread my arms out to try and hold it off. When it collided with me I was pushed back slightly, but mostly I was able to push the force of the impact to the side and the car ended up smashing through the front yard of the house across the street from mine. I turned around and saw their fence running along the side of the street, so I jumped up to it and started running along the top. I was headed toward the nearby alleyway but as I looked at the houses over there my vision started to get really white and blurry and I was afraid that the dream might be ending. I turned around and saw a truck with a pretty empty back turning the corner on to a nearby street (the one that extends directly out from our house, we live at a three-way intersection). I held out my hand and yelled "Stop!" and the driver immediately slammed on the breaks. Then I clenched my fingers almost into a fist as a way of doing a sort of telekinetic or magnetic pull and it totally worked. I was pulled by an invisible force on to the back of the truck and I reached over to pat its side and said "Alright, let's go." We started moving, and I vaguely remember leaning over and starting to say something to the driver and/or passenger, but then I woke up.

Fun night.

Stress Dream [Non-Lucid]

I didn't remember this one until a while after I got out of bed, so much of the detail is lost. I had several friends and at least one or two of my cousins over at my house and we were all getting ready to go swimming after a while. I was looking all around for my bathing suit but couldn't find it, and my cousin K kept coming in to my room and asking if I was ever coming outside. Eventually I found what kind of looked like it but whenever I tried to put it on it would shrink or change shape or just otherwise not fit right, and I kept getting really frustrated. That's about where the detail ends for me.

I'm not too surprised this happened after last night, but I'm not really stressed out anymore. I'm really just hoping this entry convinces me to start keeping track of my dreams again. >.>

Just A Pleasant Head Trip [Trip Report]
Cannabis
Date: September 11th, 2012

Dose:
repeated, smoked, Cannabis (plant material)

I packed an almost-filled bowl of something close to Mexican brick weed, but not quite as bricky, into my bong some time around 5:00 PM. This was to be the first of my experiences with cannabis after deciding to return to treating it as a psychedelic and something to be done occasionally rather than an all-day-every-day kind of high. I'd taken a short break before this so my tolerance was a bit lower than normal. I quickly downed a couple big rips and set the bong down. Lucky me, I tend to get psychedelic effects from smoking fairly easily, and the schwaggier the bud the more schizo it seems to make me.

Come-up anxiety tries to make itself known, but is quickly dismissed. Weed is nothing to fear. Somehow in the fog of the peak I became stuck on how trippy of a thought it was that we are literally the only species in the whole world that has come anywhere even remotely near as far as we have. I started considering all the strange things we as humans do to have fun, and how to any other species it must all just seem like complete absurdity. Like thinking about it from the point of view of an advanced alien race who has evolved to be extremely intelligent but still only focus on what needs to be done to survive and expand, having them come to Earth and seeing us going to clubs and dancing, and all that kind of stuff that would just seem totally pointless because we only do it because it's fun, and just wondering WHY those things are fun.... Like why is dancing fun? It just is. >w< But anyway, that made me think about what it'd be like for some random animal like a rat to be wandering through a rave or club, and then THAT made me think about what it would be like to be a human who was raised in the wild and never learned language so they act more like an animal wandering through a club. How would they feel? I began getting a strong mental imagery accompanying this, sort of like a third-person dream. A teenage boy who grew up in the wild unleashed in a club, the first thing he notices is all the people dancing around, especially the pretty girls dancing with guys. He's still a human so he's going to want to try to get in on the action, right? Would he learn to start dancing with everyone even without language? To be honest, I think he would... he may screw up a few times at first, but I think he'd learn. Thinking about that gave me sort of a sense of connection to my animal nature, just considering all the things we still do just because it's fun and we have an urge to let loose. It seems more complex than what animals do because there are so many different variables to consider in our situations, but it's all still the same kinds of instincts. The world really is a crazy, crazy place.

After I realized how couch-locked I'd been during all of that, I decided to get up and go out to the backyard and appreciate nature a bit. The weather outside felt amazing and it was very easy to feel in tune with everything. I wandered around looking at the tree and the garden a bit, and I got a couple pictures of things that really stood out to me.

First there are these leaves, which totally rock. They've got a nice fractally look to them, if you ask me. I could stare at them for ages.

And this mini rose, which is just wonderful. Look at the swirl, nature is so intensely beautiful.... I felt like crying when I first got a look at that flower....

That was about the end of significant parts of the experience. Weed is still the number one psychedelic in my book.

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Approaching the Void [Trip Report]
Salvia divinorum
Date: August 10th, 2012

Dose:
T+0:00: 1 hit, smoked, Salvia divinorum (100 mg extract)

Last night, after my parents went to bed, I decided to get out the salvia I'd been holding on to for a while now. The extract I have is standardized to contain 100 mg of salvinorin A per gram, and if you know anything about salvinorin A then you'll know that's a lot! I wanted to be cautious as it had been at least a year and a half (if not more) since the last time I smoked salvia or really did anything like it, so I loaded a very small amount of it into one of my bongs that I've found to mask the taste and (usually) harshness of just about anything very well. This is significant, because salvia tastes pretty nasty and you often need big hits to get appreciable effects out of it. After filling it with water and preparing myself, I grabbed my torch lighter and took it all in one inhale.

I've read many reports of people smoking salvia and saying they always get a slow come-up, or they gets lots of psychedelic-like visuals over reality. While salvia has given me those things before, the first time in a session always hits me like a train with no warning whatsoever, and is nothing but pure dissociative ego loss. I was sitting upright on my bed after I put the bong down, and by the time I let out the hit I was already slipping away. My first thought, which I actually voiced, was "I remember this now." I think I at least mostly understood that when I said it. There was this feeling of approaching the void that salvia always gives me, like I was about to be unplugged from reality. Of course, higher doses actually put you in the void... but that's another story. I wasn't really sure whether or not I was hallucinating at the time, but I do recall that the left door to my room closet and the front-right corner of the bed (from my perspective) had now taken on distinctly humanoid personae, and I spent the rest of the trip talking half to them and half to no one in particular. I felt that they were trying to explain the situation to me, and I responded "Oh, I guess I should wait my turn. I'm supposed to just lie down like this?", after which I knelt down forward on to the bed, not actually fully changing from my sitting position. Immediately after I shot back up and asked "Wait, I'm in control of this, right?" This was a meaningless question, my ego's last attempt to save itself. At the time I wouldn't even have been able to tell you who I was. I felt (mistakenly) affirmed that I was indeed in control, and I so I got back down and rested the side of my face on the bed. I believe I was just waiting for the trip to start (a strange sensation I often get on low doses of salvia), but then shortly afterward cognition started returning to me and I realized that it was already ending. I got up and had an increased amount of energy while walking around, and I couldn't help giving in to the strange feeling of gravity constantly pulling me to the left and ended up twirling around a bit. Shortly thereafter, I returned to full sobriety.

This trip was weak but significant because it reminded me of something that I used to know, but that had been lost to hazy memories and too much drug use: With salvia, you either go for broke or you go home. Like I said, my first time in the session is always just an experience with the void, and afterwards I tend to get more powerful sensory hallucinations. I wanted to see if I could work around that by starting small, but I forgot that not experiencing that feeling all the way just makes me not want to do it again because it feels like I'm still going to have to break through before I get to anything worthwhile, so I might as well get the discomfort out of the way in the beginning. I won't be forgetting next time.

Flying Around School [DILD]

This dream is pretty much a fragment. I was doing stuff at school for most of it, but I can't really remember what any of that stuff was now. O and D were there, however; that I know for sure. At one point I got tired of walking through the hallway so I just lied down and started gliding across the ground. This and the flying that followed soon afterward made me become lucid. Really all I did for the rest of the dream was phase through the walls to get outside and then fly around above the school. Right before I woke up I also got a strange out-of-body sense that I wasn't myself but rather was controlling some skinny guy white bleached blonde spikes in his hair, and I got a somewhat decent bird's-eye visual of him.

#1 - When Did We Become A Resort? [Non-Lucid]

I don't recall too much about this dream, but I do remember that I was with my family staying at some sort of resort, except the setting was actually just our house. There was some woman in a fancy (and shiny, if memory serves) dress doing inspections around the house/resort, so I had to make sure to hide all of the drug-related stuff in my room before she got there so I wouldn't get in trouble. There had been a lot of drug nonsense going on earlier in the parts of the dream I can't really remember, but I do remember a flash of flying a magic carpet through skyscrapers in a downtown area on LSD. Anyway, the lady showed up and did her inspection, and all that really comes back about it was that I had the slightest desire to try to steal the woman's body from her. There was also some comment about how people kept trying to give us these rectangular cheesecake slices for free, claiming that they were "flannel cake", because it was his birthday. After that, I woke up.

#2 - My Demon Pals [Non-Lucid]

I was walking around my old high school/a wedding that a bunch of people I knew from school were at. Walking around with me were two demon spirits: a skinny, normal-looking guy except for the fact that his face (and especially eyes) just gave off that feeling of evil, and a big, buff guy wearing a fedora and with a cannon for an (at least one) arm. Cannon guy was causing mayhem by shooting cannonballs everywhere, and I was just laughing. There may have been some of my normal friends with me too, but it's hard to remember now. I saw this girl I've known since really early in school, KR, running by me in a wedding dress holding a leash and a long wire for some reason, and I took the wire from her and kept running alongside her. A bunch of other people from the school started running with us and I had the feeling that we were racing each other to this one special location we were all headed towards, just to be like we were carefree kids again like in school. That was fun. However, that image was becoming fainter as it went on, and then I woke up into sleep paralysis. My entire room felt like it was encompassed with a powerful energy, things were constantly pulsing and waving, and my vision was somewhat blurry and distorted, and a bit doubled. There was also a loud white noise that sounded like some kind of demonic language, and occasionally words could be pulled out of it but they didn't have any meaning. I was lying on my back so it was hard to look too far down, but I saw the same skinny demon spirit from the dream standing at the end of my bed, staring at me with those evil eyes. Hey there, specter. I reached out a fantasy arm to him (as my real one was still quite paralyzed), and I felt my imaginary limb twist and bend along with the rest of the energy in the room. The demon just stared at me longer and I tried to give him an "Aw, come on." type of face, but then it all faded away and I was just lying in bed normally. Too bad, I would've liked to see where that could've gone. >w<

Supplement Dose: 10 mg Melatonin, 250 mg Choline, 50 mg Zinc, 400 mg Niacin, 100 mg Inositol, 100 mg Vitamin B6, 800 mcg Folic Acid, 500 mg Vitamin C

Dream Fragment - "Walking around an apartment complex with R explaining to him why DMT is special?"

The Secret Compartment [DILD]

The first part of this dream is hazy, but I was doing something at school which then became a mall. I vaguely remember seeing people I've known since elementary school, and then I told this girl MH who has the same last name as me that she's have to put something up my butt. (A quarter, I believe? ) Shortly afterward I became lucid, however, and I was walking around in some big department store section of the mall. The dream was quite vivid at first but rather unstable, and to save it I walked around singing "I can see clearly now, the rain is gone....", which worked like a charm. I was fully lucid in the sense that I had full comprehension of the fact that I was in a dream and none of this was real, but I still don't think my rational mind fully turned on as I was making some strange decisions. I decided that I wanted to steal a TV which would surely serve me no purpose for some reason, so I grabbed it and started heading toward the exit (the one that actually leads outside, not back into the mall). However, as I was walking up to the censors a thought occurred to me: if I walk out of here knowing I'm stealing this, the dream will probably make the alarms go off and I'll have to get out of here quickly, and that might cause an adrenaline rush which could wake me up. I opted to find a better way to sneak it out to see if I could get past the censors without a fuss. Also, when I wasn't looking the TV turned into a toy gun. I never really focused on it intently so my memory of it is hazy, but I want to say it looked like this one more than anything.

However, my mission didn't change, and for some reason I still wanted to steal this. I walked around until I found an attractive female DC. *cough* I then grabbed her, pushed her over, pulled down her pants, and shoved the gun into her ass. Hooray, it fits! My plan from this point on was to make her walk through the censor and look like they're just going off randomly because she's not stealing anything, then walk through and get it back out of her, but then I woke up. ._.

There were a few more dreams, but I guess I was lazy and possibly having false awakenings because I vaguely remember intending to type them down, but there were no further notes than those. >w<

Spoiler for Reflections:

Well, this was actually the second night that I took that insane amount of supplements, but the first time I had smoked too much weed so I didn't really remember anything, though I did wake up feeling amazing. This time the dopamine boost seemed especially significant to me. A couple of the times when I woke up I felt that my heart rate was slightly increased and my hands felt "tight", like they can from good MDMA. I also felt a bit of euphoria. Even though I smoked some weed yesterday too and that may have distorted my recall a bit, I'm thinking about bringing it down a notch for tonight to see what the difference is. It almost feels like I might be pushing this aspect a little too far, and maybe I should swap out a little dopamine boosting for some acetylcholine action instead. I suppose we'll see.

Supplement Dose: 10 mg Melatonin, 50 mg Zinc, 250 mg Choline, 100 mg Vitamin B6

#1 - Hyperdimensional Tentacled Alien Reality Factory [Non-Lucid]

This dream was fairly long if I remember correctly, but as it was early in the night and has a significant ending I've forgotten much of the beginning. My old friend D and I were back at our middle school, though we were still our same ages as now and didn't seem to think much of it. We got in my car, which was parked right in front of the school (in the parking lot), and we drove probably less than 100 feet, parked in a different spot, and got out and started walking back to my house instead. The park in between the school and my house seemed odd; the layouts of everything were arranged incorrectly and there was a ridiculous amount of very confusing construction going on. It seemed that in every direction there were lines of constantly moving shapes and out-of-place colors and textures (which is kind of hard to describe). The trees in the forest also took a very different path than they actually do. Of course none of this tipped me off to anything, I just turned to D and said something along the lines of "Wait, why are we walking? We could just go back to the car and drive there." We went back and got in and slowly got on the road in line with the other constantly-moving vehicles, though we had to drive on the sidewalk over lots of construction to do it, and we became part of the Escheresque conveyer belt just like everything else. As we approached the area where there was normally a bridge that crosses through the foresty part of the park, instead we were carried (because the road dropped, so we were more like floating now but it was more of a telekinetic pulling sensation) through what I can really only describe as some kind of yellowish-beige hyperdimensional caverns that also appeared to be some sort of fantasy town filled with enormous (like, their heads were bigger than my car) tentacled but vaguely humanoid alien monsters that emitted an aura of being some kind of hyperspatial entities with various astral powers. As we were pulled further into this it became clear that all of this was actually just part of a gigantic plane of perception that existed as a singular object which was simply modifying its own structure but was still just one thing.... And then my recall fades out and soon I woke up. X)

#2 - New Phantasy Star Dungeons [Non-Lucid]

I was hanging out with N, R, and J, and R and J had been playing Phantasy Star Universe apparently and N was showing me how we could use our PSPs to connect our Phantasy Star Online (which is not even a PSP game) files to their Universe files and together we could all play on brand new maps, including an insanely detailed forest where we fought a boss that I can't remember now, and sort of a Star Ocean-like medieval town that was in a circular shape and caved in to a sewage drain in the middle where we battled some kind huge red robot monster that was designed to have these really curvy claws and body structures.... Also hard to describe, but I thought it looked cool. >w< However, R and J had passed out for most of it, and N was slipping in and out of consciousness, so for the most part it was either him and I or just me playing. Near the end, N commented about how we need to "slow down on the rum" for some reason, but then I woke up.

Dream Fragment - I don't think this dream ever fully formed, it really was a legitimate framgent. What I do remember is that I'm pretty sure Linkzelda was there and we were talking about schizophrenia, and I vaguely recall either putting on or already wearing a two-piece bathing suit that releases dopamine, which sounds insanely awesome. XD

#3 - Karaoke Game [Non-Lucid]

My cousin K and some friend of hers had left a karaoke game at my house and I played it with her friend since K had already left I suppose, but I didn't really know any of the few songs they had already unlocked so I wasn't doing very well. Later the girl just kind of vanished and I went to turn off the game, originally thinking it was in my GameCube but then realizing that it actually had its own system set up next to it. I looked through the menus a bit more and noticed that it was a Disney game and the characters were all kids and moms. I specifically remember seeing a little boy based on Mickey and a tall, completely black-and-shiny-skinned voluptuous woman based on Minnie. o.o I turned the game off and wandered into the kitchen and started getting really nauseous for some reason. I looked at the clock and noticed that it was almost 11:30 AM, and I thought to myself that it must be because of all the dream aids I took. () I went to grab a cookie to eat to try to make the nausea pass, but then I woke up, thankfully not nauseous for real.

Spoiler for Reflections:

Well, this was an interesting night. First of all, all of the dreams were extremely vivid, even the fragment as much as it possibly could be. There were multiple times throughout them where I had to read things off of various surfaces and it was all 100% clear and legible. Background details such as the placement of objects in my house were also highly accurate, and even included things like the container full of cookies that were only added to the environment within the last couple of days, and the GameCube in the living room that I've only used like once since moving it out there recently. As for the purpose of the experiment.... Are my dreams subconsciously forming the way I want them to? Yes, I would say so. (Especially the bathing suit that releases dopamine, ohmygod yes. ) There was definitely more of an alien quality to them, particularly the first two, and the way reality was pieced together in basically all of them matches ways that I would want to influence them (it's kind of hard put into words how, though). The first one was just amazing, it feels like it's been forever since I had a dream like that.... Take me back to the factory, oh magical tentacled overlords!

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Supplement Dose: 10 mg Melatonin, 50 mg Zinc

Spoiler for Why I Took These Supplements:

I've decided to start a new experimental regimen. I've been doing a lot of thinking about the connections between hallucinogens and dreaming, especially after doing a lot of research and testing with menthol, and what it's really brought me to is the relationship between dopamine and prolactin. As far as I can tell, dopamine is like the chemical of the subconscious.... It connects us to our thoughts and desires, brings our imaginations to life. Prolactin, on the other hand, controls how much desire we actually have, and I mean that on a rather deep, subconscious level. Dopamine and prolactin are normally inversely correlated, but they can both be active at the same time. My theory was that having both dopamine and prolactin going would make for a more general enhancement of a dream or hallucinatory experience, but it would also make them rather wild and uncontrollable, or at the very least impulsive. Dopamine, however, while it is very impulsive in its own right, would allow for an experience that more naturally formed around our desires when not inhibited by prolactin.

For example, I recently decided to do research into the pro- or anti-prolactinergic effects of various psychedelics. The well-known ones that I've experimented with that I was able to find information on include DMT, psilocin (from mushrooms), and LSD. DMT and psilocin each give me trips that are totally uncontrollable, and often are alien and bizarre. Psilocin gives me me a considerably more "connected" trip than DMT, and is often very sexual and shows me amazing visions that do reflect my subconscious, but overall it's more like I'm going along for the ride than anything. LSD is a totally different story. Whenever I'm on LSD, reality forms to my desires without me even having to do anything; the world simply bends and twists until it's reshaped itself to explore my every fantasy. It's not a conscious method of control like using powers in a lucid dream, it works on the subconscious level in the sense that the dream-like state itself is formed in exactly the way that you would form it if you were doing it manually, and since it's just happening for you and your subconscious is creating it it's even better than you could possibly create with your conscious mind. Unsurprisingly (to me, anyway), DMT and psilocin increase prolactin levels, while LSD decreases them.

So how does this apply to the supplements? Well, I got to thinking.... Menthol raises prolactin levels and potentiates D2 responses. This is why I believe it creates some of the same connection to desires as dopamine (like the sexual effects), but it also makes them more sensual than fiendish, and it adds lots of visual effects like RobStar commonly mentions. It also definitely does make me more impulsive while lucid, and there's certainly nothing wrong with this; the "pure" sexual feeling is one I've already grown quite fond of. However, I still have the desire to test my theories further and see what a high-dopamine/low-prolactin state of dreaming would be like. This is difficult to do normally.... Drugs that increase prolactin tend to increase REM (like menthol), whereas drugs that increase dopamine tend to decrease REM. However, that doesn't mean there's not a way around it. The plus side is that increased dopaminergic activity itself will decrease prolactin levels if unopposed, so all that's really required is to find a way to raise dopamine levels and increase REM at the same time.

That's where the supplements come in. Melatonin directly opposes the effects of dopamine, particularly at D2, to suppress REM and induce non-REM sleep. Therefore, the REM rebound effect it creates later is the result of a direct increase in the dopaminergic activity of dreams to make up for lost time. So that's how that works. Zinc is another cool one, I think. Zinc is an NMDA antagonist, and this alone may add something to it but it's not my main goal; however, it does mean that chronic use of zinc will upregulate D2 receptors, and that should make for more enhanced dreaming overall. In addition, zinc appears to be a positive allosteric modulator of dopamine receptors, especially D1 and D2. This means that it doesn't actually provide any effects by itself and will not create a dopaminergic response (i.e., it won't wake you up), but it will enhance the ability of agonists at the receptor such as dopamine to create their response. So in other words, it makes the dopamine at those receptors more effective. It's also known to decrease prolactin levels with continued use. Together, I believe these two supplements, especially in chronic use, may be able to give me the kinds of effects I'm looking for. I'm also planning to add new ones to the stack to increase the effect, such as vitamin B6 to increase the production of dopamine where the brain needs it, and vitamin E to further reduce prolactin levels. I'm also considering going on the no fap challenge during this (which is why I've listed the entry as "Day 0", as I'm already unable to officially start today) so that my dopamine receptors become more sensitive and my daily prolactin levels drop. Hopefully, this will turn out to be a very successful endeavor and give me dreams that are more tailored to my desires without me even having to intervene!

#1 - Latex And Superpowers [Non-Lucid]

There was a lot going in this dream leading up to this point, but where my memory really comes in was at a cafeteria on a college campus. I was really late for lunch so even though I looked around a bit I didn't really get to eat anything. At one point I went and waited by a doorway for M who was apparently on the other side of the wall but being held up by something, and it randomly occurred to me that I was wearing something like this:

Though, I can't remember if it was those colors exactly; I didn't pay much attention to myself. Two other girls walked up also wearing latex outfits and heels and I recognized them as more friends of M. Eventually the three of us decided to go see what was taking M so long and "get her out of trouble". (I wrote that in my notes, followed by "(they thought she was too young)", but I'm not exactly sure what it means now.) After a short talk I guess I forgot about M, and my friend J walked up and tried to kiss me on the cheek, which really weirded me out considering that it was coming from him. Our mutual friend S who was a grade below us in school was there too, and she claimed that she decided to get "happy and drunk". I randomly jumped up on her back so she was giving me a piggyback ride, and I told her that with me there we'd be able to phase through walls so she didn't have to worry about that. We started walking through walls randomly and talking about college, but around that time the dream was starting to become unstable, and soon I woke up.

Visualization came extremely easily after this dream. I probably could've done a WILD if I wanted to, but I was sort of focused on something when I woke up.

#2 - The Amazing Future Smeargle [Non-Lucid]

This entire dream took place in third-person, and thus a lot of it is hard to recall now. I had the feeling that I was playing some new Pokémon game, but it was just that the screen was taking up my entire perception. Essentially, the plot was about some insanely powerful Smeargle who was completely dominating all of the Pokémon in the world in the future, and so the legendary beasts sent it back in time to get rid of it, but as a result others followed it to continue trying to beat it while certain organizations were trying to capture it for themselves. By this point in the game I already had it on my team, along with a few other fully-trained Pokémon, but I can't really remember what they were now (but I do remember something about fighting the legendary beasts). The Smeargle really was kicking ass; I'm pretty sure its moves were Fire Blast, SolarBeam, I want to say maybe Earthquake, and something else I don't quite recall now.... A terrible spread, but it was doing pretty well in-game. X) Not long after a battle ended, I woke up.

Also, thanks for the idea for this, RobStar. It's going to come in handy.

Spoiler for Preliminary Reflections:

Alright, so day 0.... The first dream interests me the most, though the second one is worth noting too. I haven't really had third-person dreams of that caliber in a while now, and I have to wonder if that was related to increased D2 activity. Melatonin has definitely given me some OBE-like dreams before. But, like I said, it's the first dream that I find really significant. First of all, this is the second time recently where I've felt that consequences weren't quite so important and just jumped on someone's back. However, in the first one I was trying to be playful, even if I was doing so in sort of an odd way, and I had reason to believe that nothing mattered because I was "back in time". In this one I just totally didn't care at all, and I knew that we'd be able to phase through walls easily. The rules of reality definitely didn't apply to me in this dream, and I was aware of it somehow. At no point did I become lucid, at least not fully if this counts at all. It was more of a... "this is my reality" type of feeling. Furthermore, there's the matter of the latex outfits.... It's entirely possible that this is just incubation from the sexy hawt females thread, but nothing of that sort has ever really happened to me before. I can say for sure that the incidence of myself and other girls wearing those outfits increasing definitely correlates with what I would expect from increased dopamine and decreased prolactin (and it in fact extremely accurately reflects some of my LSD experiences ).

So, of course, this is only the very first trial, and it's far too early to say anything yet. However, those are my current thoughts. I can't wait to see what kind of dreams I have tonight!