Blue_Opossum

Morning of December 20, 2010. Monday.



This is a short summary of one segment only.

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On a clear mid-afternoon, I am at the top of a high hill upon which there are no manmade buildings or vehicles. I am in a peaceful field with green knee-high grass. There is a verdant forest on two sides, the one to my left being denser. A young girl (who is likely a young version of Zsuzsanna) of about ten, dressed in informal clothes including blue jeans, approaches from the sparser forest and cheerfully starts talking to me. She has binoculars and wants me to look through them. Looking through the binoculars after she passes them to me from my right, I see a large American eagle. It flies in various directions at about three different distances. After time passes, the eagle lands on a branch and looks in my direction, but not continuously. The binoculars seem to dissolve in my hands after it has landed on the branch. Eventually, time seems to pass, though only about fifteen minutes, and yet the girl seems a few years older when I see her again. She stands, holding a tall narrow wooden staff, in the middle of a white sandy pathway with trees on each side.

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This is RAS mediation via the personified preconscious as remaining passive (due to my willingness to watch the eagle through the girl’s prompting) for the rectification of vestibular system ambiguity (preparatorily symbolized by the eagle) in semi-lucidity. The field is autosymbolism for liminal space and the pathway is the emergent consciousness conduit. Being on the hill is autosymbolism for being closer to full consciousness. Zsuzsanna typically appears in my dreams more to my left if she is still asleep and to my right when she is awake, especially if up and walking around. This may be due to sleeping on my left side with my right side openly exposed to my real environment, where RAS mediation is dominantly directed. This is virtually the same waking symbolism, though with different details, as early childhood dreams, including the “Patches” series. It is in direct contrast to “Two Intruders Give Me a Talon” from 2015, where the dominant preconscious comes into liminal space, autosymbolized as the porch of our current home, to force me to grow a condor-like talon on my right hand for the non-lucid metaphorical rectification of vestibular system ambiguity, which is the biological factor of falling and flying dreams. Resupplemented Saturday, 27 January 2018.

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2010DEC20(L3.1) Foundational affirmation: “I am the continuity of my greatest strength and most beneficial viewpoint.”

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Morning of January 27, 2018. Saturday.



The usual water induction begins, but I lose my main threads of lucidity (which is often deliberate, as I often prefer what non-lucid dreams can render as a learning experience, and additionally, lucidity often randomly returns later in the sleep cycle anyway), though my dream remains very vivid. I find myself at our present address after the usual forest lakes and river scenes.

The surfaces of the streets are replaced by water (lifelong recurring feature) but there is no association with flooding or seeing it as an unusual or “wrong” feature. It seems to be about nine o’clock at night.

Apparently, we had ordered pizza, though there only seems to be one pizza when the boat arrives and the deliverer, a young unfamiliar male, bends down to hand it to me. For some reason, there is no payment made.

The unknown young male has slight difficulty in backing up from the curb in front of our house. I cheerfully advise him, “Don’t bang into the sign.” (This is in reference to the “GIVE WAY” sign that, due to recent street widening, is fairly close to the middle of the street now, near the intersection.) He shows no emotion and continues to back out. There is a loud but very pleasant jingling sound, which has something to do with the movement of the boat, though this event does not really make much sense unless there is a large set of wind chimes somewhere on the boat. (It is almost as if the sound is coming from elsewhere regardless of the association.)

Later, with the implication of time passing or changing, it now seems to be afternoon. I see young males riding ATVs down the street (east) and performing tricks, and I feel somewhat annoyed by their antics. The surface of the street, at least closer to the curb, is now mainly mud.

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We have not had pizza from a takeout restaurant since we got very ill from severe food poisoning (our oldest son being hospitalized for about a week). Even so, we did not have pizza delivered here, as the places were just down the street.

The presence of water or water rising (which symbolizes sleep) is autosymbolism for entering the dream state, while water lowering over time, or being replaced by mud or some other feature (or no longer being present at all) is autosymbolism for leaving the dream state. This has been the case on a day-to-day basis since early childhood, for over fifty years.

The jingling association is based on chimes (which I often bump into) being near the bathroom door. The area near the curb was actually muddy in real life recently. They had put in a corner section with a ramp, but no other part of a sidewalk has been added in weeks.

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Morning of January 27, 2018. Saturday.

Dream #: 18,667-02. Reading time (optimized): 1 min.



Zsuzsanna and Marilyn are present. (My dream self does not recall Marilyn had died.) We are in the Loomis Street house in the open area between the living room and dining room. I face west towards the dining room. I begin to play a computer game that my youngest son had been playing. It resembles a pool table, but there seems to be only one corner pocket. Several creatures of different sizes sit on it. I need to deliver the ball into the pocket before an animal gets to it, making it harder to play. There is also a gun with which I can shoot the animal.

As I play, Marilyn informs me about going out to buy a meal, talking about a hamburger, asking if I want one. I nod lightly. Meanwhile, the game becomes real. That is, there is now a pool table in the room, replacing the computer workstation. My dream self does not register the change. I am near one corner. There is a cat atop the table, but I am aware it is a computer-generated tangible hologram. I reach over to pick up the light gray rubber ball and hold it over the pocket to drop it in. I am unsure if this is the way to play, as it seems too simple in contrast to its previous difficulty. A different cat and ball appear, and I perform the same act again. My sense of touch as I pick up, hold, and drop the rubber ball, is augmented.

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Morning of January 26, 2018. Friday.



I become aware of being in the living room of the Cubitis house. (No threads of my present conscious self identity are extant at this time.)

My father is alive and as he was in the 1960s. I have no recall of his death in 1979. He is standing near the north end of the living room. I am sitting closer to the kitchenette.

A television is on for a short time. It shows a group of teenagers yelling and going into a school building. “I never really liked school,” I tell my father, “I would have rather gone to a labor camp, chopping wood or laying bricks.” My father seems passive but expresses mild interest in what I am saying. Eventually, I decide that this is not entirely true, as I did not mind elementary school so much. (This is mainly a result of the typical failure of viable memories in the dream state. I did not really dislike school as much as my fictional dream self implies here. It seems to be a reference to when I actually did chop wood, use a fence pole digger, and help build a fence instead of going to middle school for a short time, when the “outdoor classroom” was first being designed and built in Florida.)

Eventually, I get the impression that I can influence the movement of the curtain on the east window, closest to the kitchenette. Although I am not lucid, I start to notice that the curtain responds directly to what I say aloud (similar to how a real-time scripted dream works, and yet, again, there is no lucidity at any point). My father goes to the southwest bedroom as I remain in the living room. After I am sure I am controlling the curtain, I call to him to show him what I can do, but I do not see him. The situation is interesting but somewhat eerie. “Up to the ceiling,” I say, and the curtain obeys, swaying and moving to become flat against the ceiling. “Twist around,” I say, and the curtain twists itself around. “To the right,” I say, and the curtain slowly moves toward the kitchenette. I do this about twenty times, with at least five different instructions, and they always work.

I become distracted by a noise in the backyard. Looking out, I notice a tidal wave, all along the eastern horizon, approaching from a distance. It seems to be nighttime, but I can see the whiteness of the high foamy wave.

“Tidal wave, there is a tidal wave coming,” I yell. I do not see my father come out, but I am trying to warn him. Soon, the tidal wave hits the house. I can feel the house shake. I see and feel water coming in through the east windows. It flows quickly throughout the living room and my bedroom, and yet there is no direct impact of water on my body, only some cool refreshing splashes. Still, I yell, seeing that several high stacks of paper with documented dreams, under my bed, are apparently soaked, and I slowly recall Zsuzsanna’s dream journals as well. There is wetness, but no indication of flooding over the floor at this point.

I yell in annoyance just as I hear Zsuzsanna and our children on the carport. I get the impression that they had just returned from shopping or the library. Zsuzsanna calls out to me, wondering what is going on. There is no indication that the tidal wave had affected their approach to the house, or that they had even seen it (which of course is ludicrous if one wants to force logic on dreams where none exists).

She and our children walk through the front door. “Everything is wet,” I say loudly. “Not everything?” Zsuzsanna asks hopefully. “Everything,” I confirm. I wake at this point, with Zsuzsanna standing near our bed in reality and our youngest daughter nearby. I am somewhat confused as to whether our oldest daughter is in the area since she had been in my dream, though I do not see her.

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This dream is partly a beautiful connection to a fully lucid childhood dream, “The Staged Bull” from 1971 (as well as several other dreams). Both dreams use curtains as the division between the dream self and the conscious self and the perceived danger of RAS (as the waking alert factor), familiar autosymbolism for the waking transition. In this dream, my subliminal focus on reinduction brings a tidal wave (also a circadian rhythms factor) rather than the usual passive connection to water rising at the beginning of most sleeps. (This is also an association with the indoor rain we had in real life after our roof was torn off, though in reality, our dream journals did not get wet.) The typical doorway waking symbolism is utilized by RAS here, with no recall that Zsuzsanna had never been to America, let alone Cubitis (and as I have written before, I believe this is to prevent dream memories from being mistaken as having real-life meaning other than when prescient). My father wanders off to a bedroom (dream state indicator) and my control of the curtains seems like an amazing breakthrough in adding one more thread of dream knowledge in validating the autosymbolic meaning they entail. (Both autosymbolism for liminal space division and an association with control of the dream state as an implied stage, which also has curtains, yet also has the association with stage of sleep.) In previous dreams, I had chosen to “freeze” tidal waves and nuclear explosions in order to sustain the dream state and make it last for ten to fifteen additional minutes.

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Morning of January 25, 2018. Thursday.



I am sitting up in a bed in an open field of waist-high grass. In the distance, the field seems to have a cliff that probably overlooks a ravine. There are beautiful mountains beyond. Two white storks walk by, about ten feet away, to my right.

I am thinking of happily running through the field and flying over the ravine (as I have done in dreams since childhood), but my combination of lucidity and dream state indicator (the bed), slowly pulls me back into consciousness. RAS mediation is passive, as I have known and mostly grown used to vestibular system symbolism since early childhood - other than my walking in the city and tripping on something dreams that have occurred every sleep since childhood (and I was already actively linked to the dream state indicator, so no falling sensation either).

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Although the birds are a common form of autosymbolism for both vestibular system ambiguity and being unconscious, they are walking here, technically a form of return flight waking symbolism that has occurred in many past dreams (and they seem to be the very common paired preconscious and emergent consciousness factors here, though they might additionally be associated with Zsuzsanna and I in dream sleep - though I had dreams like this before I met Zsuzsanna). Additionally, the field is a type of autosymbolism for liminal space, though less common for me then porches, parking lots, or store checkouts, all of which signify a specific level of unconsciousness and circadian rhythms factors (which I validated as such as far back as age eight, even before I had studied hundreds of similar dreams over the years).

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Morning of January 24, 2018. Wednesday.



I find myself in an extremely vivid lucid dream. I am in a large unfamiliar enclosed porch, mostly empty other than a big table I am sitting at, where my computer is. My computer keyboard has several inches of space in front of it (whereas in real life, my computer keyboard’s closest side to me is right at the edge of my desk). I am aware of Zsuzsanna in a room to my right, though I do not see her. I see the doorway, but I mostly sit in semidarkness. (Of course, a porch is autosymbolism for liminal space, my most common setting of this nature since childhood, occurring in at least one dream per several days for over fifty years.)

I marvel at the level of realistic detail. I think about typing on my computer’s keyboard, but unusual features come into play. Firstly, I have an association with the Caps Lock to my left. After a short time, there are two small padlocks, more like holographic images, appearing on the two lowest left keys. They are on their sides with the shackles facing me. I find this curious and puzzling.

Although doorway waking symbolism is implied as a precursor, and being to my right (typical waking symbolism orientation), I start to focus on my left side. I eventually see my detached fingers moving over the keyboard, though more as a semitransparent hologram of which is additionally implied to be some sort of optical illusion. I am in awe over this imagery. My detached glowing ghostly fingers float closer to my “real” (dream self’s) hand (where I also see that I have normal fingers, so the detached ones are indeed implied to be some sort of optical illusion). I try to make the connection to real life, failing to understand this type of imagery is only possible in the dream state.

I slowly begin to become more baffled by the vividness of my dream. It seems to surpass many previous levels of lucidity (though not with certain dreams, such as the quetzal and rooster one from March 1986, which had several astounding prescient threads in one dream). More so, I actually start to focus on the orientation of my real physical body and can even seem to “feel” (or sense) the real left side of my face. However, instead of the occasional absentminded folly of wondering if my physical body is somehow walking around in traffic as I am in my dream, I vividly remain aware of the left side of my face being on my pillow. I become focused on trying to make sure my dream self remains in a “safe” position, with a slight concern about the pillow cover being closer to my mouth. However, there is no actual feature or direct tactile impression or more vivid tangibility as such, as it seems to be on a different inexplicable level of awareness. This has no effect on the level of vividness. It is odd (and eventually distracting) trying to associate the essence of my dream self’s left side of my face (which I can feel and am fully aware of) with my real physical body’s left side of my face. I am so amazed by my situation, I do not think of inducing a new scenario or going through the doorway, which in some cases intensifies my level of lucidity rather than causing me to wake (though apex lucidity is typically only triggered if there is an actual door to open). I am also puzzled by why I am not hearing the hammering next door (as they are putting a new roof on that house, which was damaged when our roof was torn off and part of it went through theirs). However, when I wake, they had been taking a break. (They started about six in the morning.)

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Morning of November 2, 2016. Wednesday.



I am in the semidarkness of an unknown bedroom but I am able to see clearly in my immediate area. I have my dream journal open in front of me as I am lying on my stomach on the floor. I perceive that I am only about twelve years old. My single bed is next to me to my left, closer to the doorway than another single bed and closer to the center of the room, though my head is presently nearest the foot of my bed and my feet are closest to the doorway. My father’s bed is closer to the corner of the room, his head near the wall where the doorway is. He is lying on his back with his head opposite mine. Our beds are about two feet apart. My father (April 26, 1901-February 14, 1979) begins to cough. His coughing intensifies after a short time.

I sense something is wrong as an unknown male (about twenty-five) comes into the room and helps my father get out of bed as he is coughing, apparently to get him ready for an ambulance. As he coughs when walking past me to my right, a large drop of blood suddenly flies from his mouth and lands on the lower right of the right page of my open dream journal. A smaller drop hits the back of my right hand near my fingers. I have concern for my father and a lesser concern about the page’s status, though I get the impression that the blood spot might eventually fade. I remain where I am, slightly puzzled. I start to think of how my father is old and his organs are not functioning like they used to. I wake shortly after he had left the room with the unknown male. I vaguely sense my mother is present but I do not see her.

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Inexplicable threads: Zsuzsanna had seen an event in a movie related to someone dreaming about blood coming from their mouth prior to my sleep. (I had not known of this prior to my dream.) Additionally, I developed a bad cough shortly after this dream, the worse cough I have had in my life so far (though there was no blood, only mucus). As a result, I consider this dream as both prescient and influenced by Zsuzsanna’s thoughts, with three layers of synchronicity (as I had also recently reflected on a dream from March 1975 relating to watermelon as blood and flesh and coming out between pages of my dream journal).

Biological prescience relating to my health validates that my father represented me in this dream. It is additionally validated by the doorway waking symbolism, as I am usually the one to exit a dream as my emergent consciousness.

RAS mediation was atypical. Instead of the personified preconscious directing attention at my dream self, he escorted my father from my dream (additionally validating that my father represented my conscious self identity in a prescient sense, even though I was completely unaware of my current real life in my dream).

This dream’s waking symbolism is oriented to my dream self’s right as it most often is. (This may be the result of sleeping on my left side.)

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Morning of May 27, 1995. Saturday.



I find myself in the backyard of the Cubitis property in late morning. I vaguely recall a childhood dream (same setting and time) where a flying saucer hovered above me, casting a large round shadow over an area of the backyard and upon me. I am not viably lucid (that is, I remain unaware that I am dreaming), but there is faux lucidity where I illogically make the connections as relevant to presumed reality. I find the situation more interesting than threatening.

Zsuzsanna is present in the living room, looking through the east windows. I tell her of how this has happened before, and that the last time, I ran south, somehow vertically running straight down the side of a ravine, then running horizontally on the ground and across the surface of the river, and running vertically straight up the other side to continue running normally.

As I decide to attempt this again (even after over twenty-five years), I look back as I start to cheerfully run and see it is not a flying saucer but a hot air balloon. This puzzles me and instead of running straight down the side of the deep ravine as I near it, I awake with a slight falling sensation and with a mild hypnopompic kick. I am close to laughing aloud shortly after waking.

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Liminal space fallacy: This is a specific type of faux lucidity, where I attempt to duplicate an event from an older dream without realizing I am dreaming, yet I also perceive my situation as only my dream self could in a dream. Even so, this faux reasoning is something that could not occur in consciousness, and additionally, cannot even be logically perceived or resolved as even being possible, yet it is, as I am very familiar with its dynamics. For me, this proves that dreams are of an entirely different nature, purpose, and meaning than what most people claim.

Faux threads: Cubitis has not been my home since June 1978. Zsuzsanna has never been to America. The shadow was cast in the wrong direction (oriented southerly instead of westerly). There were no deeper ravines near where I lived. It is not possible to run vertically down or up the side of a ravine or run over the surface of a river.

Literal threads: Zsuzsanna’s presence, genuine recall of a childhood dream from 1969.

Current thread: Zsuzsanna’s presence only (that is, no viable recall of any other current life status, including our present address).

Vestibular system thread: The hot air balloon, in addition to being associated with breathing while sleeping, was biologically premonitory of the hypnopompic kick. (Falling in a dream is usually the result of natural vestibular system ambiguity by inherently not being able to balance the imaginary dream body in unconsciousness. As such, it is unrelated to the popular myth of “interpretation”.)

Emergent consciousness thread: The hot air balloon’s shadow signifies the looming essence of the conscious self and the inevitability of waking. This implies a different form of RAS mediation than when the preconscious is dominantly personified to rouse the emergent consciousness thread.

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Morning of January 21, 2018. Sunday.



This type of aquarium-based dream was more common when I was a teenager. (An aquarium typically represents the nature of the dream state itself as relative to the dream self’s faux mind and its transition back into consciousness.)

My dream begins in the southwest bedroom of the Cubitis house. I am sitting on the bed (which is aligned east to west near the south windows) and facing the doorway. Also on the bed is a large but shallow rectangular aquarium. A smaller end is closest to the doorway. I had been watching the water getting higher until it is about half the depth of the aquarium.

There are a number of unusual small creatures in the aquarium, the largest being a multicolored flatworm of about four inches long, which I view as intriguing.

Marilyn (an older half-sister on my mother’s side) eventually comes into the room. I tell her about the flatworm as she looks at it.

There are some very unlikely living creatures as well, including oversized diatoms, one which looks like a tiny rocking chair (of less than an inch high) with a cape attached to the back. The cape has a floral pattern. Another is a heraldic shield (escutcheon) with wings, also less than an inch high. The “rocking chair” swims with its “cape”, the “shield” with its “wings”.

Eventually, there are a couple larger creatures, though I soon notice the water lowering. I also somehow pour out some of the water and suddenly, all the creatures simultaneously turn into small transparent ovals, as if the sudden lack of water caused them to cease to exist in their normal form as well as all die at the same time. This surprises me.

Later, I have my aquarium outside in an unknown location. It is implied to be our backyard, though the house does not look familiar. There are no fences, though there is a sequence of several backyards in front of me and behind me. There is a dense forest off to my left. Zsuzsanna is present. A few other people are also around, but I am not focused on who they might be. Two small creatures (“rocking chair” and “shield”) are similar to how they originally appeared, as I had put more water into my aquarium again, which caused some of them to come back to life, more in the manner of a fast-growing seed. There are also now a couple of miniature mammals. One is a tiny bear (not a bear cub but a miniature adult bear). I am somewhat wary about it eventually growing much bigger. I recall that Zsuzsanna and I had recently watched a movie about a black bear posing a threat to a suburban neighborhood.

I pick up the miniature bear, taking it out of my aquarium and placing it on the ground to my left, thinking that it may run off into the forest, which is what I would like it to do. It is now about the size of a cat. Instead, it runs off to my right, closer to the back of our house, which Zsuzsanna and I are somewhat concerned about (though there is no implied threat).

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Current conscious self threads with literal context: My dream self (personified subconscious) recalls that I am married to Zsuzsanna and that we have children, but I have no recall of where we live in reality (my most common dream state memory anomaly). My dream renders a fictional setting (though ambiguously combined with a real setting from my youth) that my dream self accepts as legitimate (a main factor of the dream state). The flatworm was influenced by our youngest son’s toy sticky slug that he had shown me a day ago, though it differs from my dream in that the toy is solely gray. Although the miniature bear in my dream’s final scene is of a literal thread of recent memory (in addition to the childhood association described below), relating to a movie Zsuzsanna and I had watched the night before, my memory is incorrect in that the movie, “Unnatural” (2016), featured a huge polar bear (with altered DNA) in Alaska and only as a threat to a few people in one lodge in an isolated region, not a black bear in a forest’s warm climate near a residential neighborhood as my dream self incorrectly recalled. (However, we had also seen a movie a couple days ago with a scene of a grizzly bear attacking a man, though this was also in a cold region; “The Revenant” from 2015.)

Older conscious self threads with literal context: The miniature bear (before growing somewhat) was originally of an identical size as a mother bear in a model kit, “Black Bear and Cubs”, that my older sister Carol sent me for Christmas in 1972 (though one of many kits she sent me in the same package) while I was living in Cubitis. Marilyn seemed as she did in the 1970s. My attempting to recall whether or not she was still alive (she died on February 13, 2014), even though she was perceived as alive and in the room with me, is a type of memory ambiguity common to the dream state though of which could not occur in wakeful consciousness and is proof that I am aware, though on a subliminal level, that I am dreaming. (Liminal dream control is far more common for me than what is claimed by society as non-lucidity.)

Literal induction thread: The bed at the beginning is both an induction factor and a dream state indicator. It is a subliminal thread of memory recognizing that I had gone to sleep (unrelated to the myth of “interpretation”).

Metaphorical induction thread: The literal bed dream state indicator, as an induction factor, is combined with my most common metaphorical dream state induction symbolism, water rising. Water and water rising symbolizes sleep and entering deeper into the dream state.

There is very slight vestibular system symbolism here. This would be the two smaller creatures, where one has a cape and the other, wings. Additionally, it reflects the nature of RAS mediation, the shield as a factor of “shielding” myself from RAS and the other, in contrast (the rocking chair), just being passive while “watching” my dream. A rocking chair also has a link to vestibular system symbolism, as it rocks back and forth. Additionally, a cape is a dream state indicator as it typically relates to an association with bed sheets.

Although the common water lowering waking symbolism occurs, I (subliminally) reinduce my dream for a short time, though which soon triggers a RAS mediation factor (the bear) in the final scene. However, the bear does not grow very large or become a threat, and I do not run from it. It moves from my left to my right (common waking orientation symbolism), going towards our backyard, symbolizing my inevitable return to consciousness.

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Morning of January 14, 2018. Sunday.



On the threshold of doorway symbolism (a door being a liminal space divider between the dream self and the conscious self), by which I always either leave the dream state or trigger a higher level of lucidity, I focus on an antique bronze lion face door knocker (lucidity stabilizer which also gives respect to the nature of RAS mediation). Placing my hand upon it, I feel a curious vibration, with a vague awareness of humming. (This is a common perception in dreams of augmented awareness.) It vibrates a bit more when I touch more of it. I feel very aware, secure, and loved.

Thinking back to a vivid childhood dream, the lion head becomes a triceratops head. I consider the horns as being an odd feature for a door knocker, but it does not concern me. I move my hand over it and it recedes into the door itself (a possible influence from the pin art desk toy that our youngest son owns).

I become aware of liminal space to a greater extent, the autosymbolism being a parking lot (a very common liminal space marker for me since childhood). I see a large metal model of a triceratops in the area. As I focus on it more deliberately, it becomes “alive” to some extent (emergent consciousness factor). It reminds me vaguely of a Transformer (Dinobot “Slug”), and speaks in a layered metallic voice (though I do not grasp the words, though I get the impression it relates to my physical body; my muscles or cells). However, without paying much notice to the waking transition, it resolves as being our youngest son, cheerfully talking about Transformers in his normal human voice. My dream brought me comfort and no dominant or aggressive RAS mediation was rendered (due to my willingness to let my dream fade on its own). (This relates to the “transformation” of the dream self back into the conscious self identity.)

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This dream’s autosymbolism that represents the waking process is the same theme as various past dreams since early childhood, where the RAS mediation factor, starting out as potentially threatening, transforms more smoothly into the human emergent consciousness factor. (The supposed potential “threat” is often only by implication of its form, not necessarily with my dream self seeing it as such. One example is the dream where I had a passive pet tiger that eventually became anthropomorphic and slowly transformed into Charles Bronson who I talked to in friendly conversation, also ending near a parking lot. Another example is the dream where I stared down a lion in the living room until it became an unknown male that I had a conversation with.)

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Morning of January 9, 2018. Tuesday.



This is part five of my prefatory series. It will only be viable (within a main index) on my main dream journal. So far, I have explained, as concisely as I could, four common dream components.

I have included hypnagogia and sleep paralysis in the same entry despite, in my own (apparently unique) experience; the two events are completely unrelated despite numerous articles I have read that link them together. For me, reading articles about hypnagogia or sleep paralysis is pointless and here is why:

People talk about “suffering” from sleep paralysis or hypnagogia, or that it “scares” them, which has never made any sense to me. They describe “dark figures”, “evil”, a malevolent presence, and so on as if they had some sort of tangibility or potential influence. Sorry people, this is something I have very limited experience with, even in tens of thousands of dreams in my over fifty years of study. There are exceptions, though these have been validated to mostly relate to biologically premonitory events or sometimes rare apnea caused by a combination of eating too close to the sleeping period and while sleeping on my back.

For me, if I find myself in sleep paralysis, I seek to embrace and enhance the experience. I do this by deliberately rolling my eyes up towards my forehead, which typically intensifies the perception of a loving entity being present and sometimes I am annoyed when I feel “she” is gone (though I never see her in this state). I sometimes hear a very pleasing humming sound (which I sometimes perceive as moving in a figure eight above me). I usually feel waves of pleasure moving through my body, from head to toe and back. Eventually, I usually, if I hold the state long enough, feel a rising sensation. I do not see any imagery while in sleep paralysis, I only have enhanced touch and sound, sometimes buzzing (even tangible lovemaking - female on top, especially one event with Zsuzsanna before I came to Australia to be with her). I also perceive in a completely different way than during hypnagogic sequences.

Now, I will go on to describe hypnagogia, which I also find very enjoyable. Since childhood, I like to remain in hypnagogia for at least an hour or more. During this time, which is always wholly lucid (and always had been, even as a toddler), I like to step into and out of dreams by way of conscious will, though I have to wait for the sequence to slow down. This is because when it first starts, it is very rapid, dream settings changing from more than one per second, though gradually becoming slower over time until it is a rate of about one setting every five seconds. Eventually, when it slows down to about ten seconds per change of setting, I step into a setting of my choice. I have done this since earliest memory and it is a very vivid and intriguing experience, but I never mistake it for being real in any way, though I do often slip into non-lucidity. (I did not realize that other people were not like this until I was about eighteen years old. I had read a little about it, mostly in dictionaries, but did not really read that many articles relating to this state. Imagine my surprise, especially when some people call it a “medical problem”. Much of the world is, sadly, very stupid.)

Most feasible settings in hypnagogia are vivid and colorful outdoor settings. This includes beautiful forests with rivers, lakes, and waterfalls (which I have viewed on a day-to-day basis all my life), neighborhoods with interesting houses, farmyards, train stations, and so on. Sometimes it is a beautiful underwater scene (such as coral or sea fans and various species of fish), which I most often just watch without entering (even though I can breathe underwater in the dream state). Sometimes the settings will seem to rapidly shake from side to side, slowly dissolve, to be replaced by some sort of grid or abstract pattern (typically like leaves floating in water and quivering) before becoming a different setting. Such an event usually only occurs once or twice in a sleeping period. For example, in one instance when I was a young boy, I was watching chickens walk around in a farmyard, some of them pecking at the ground (this was before my father decided to change our rabbit farm into a chicken farm). As I continued to view the scene, there was a very subtle roaring sensation and a sort of fizzing effect, and leaf-like patterns that replaced the setting after it quivered side to side (with no actual movement on my part, that is, no movement of my physical body or perceived movement of my dream self).

This is only one form of hypnagogia. Other types are too surreal to view as a legitimate place to “enter”. Curiously, zooming in or out, and longer panning sequences, as seen in movies, had never occurred in my dreams until I had watched television for the first time. To me, this is a very important realization. It tells me that watching television or movies creates a very profound change in the nature of perception. I have never read of anyone else facing up to this fact. This is ironic, in that hypnagogia itself rarely presented anything I had ever seen in waking life, which ultimately convinced me that something else was going on, though I am still not sure what.

Other forms of this state vary. For example, there is a state where I coalesce with other figures, typically only experiencing bliss or an amazing sensation. Glowing human forms (of different implied ages) jump into my chest, making me feel healthier or more vibrant.

There is a state where dream characters also rapidly change, yet while the setting is fully stable, sometimes faster than once per second (which has served as a reinduction trigger in stabilizing lucidity if it has faded, when I begin to become aware of this after about ten minutes).

In still another state, dream characters seem very odd. They may be only half-formed, or they walk around and phase through bushes or walls and sometimes get stuck.

In other states, I am able to summon (solely through automatic expectation) whatever vivid experience I choose. This is typically coalescence with other entities and is always a satisfying energizing experience, and is always near a body of water (such as a river, lake, waterfall, water park, campground, or swimming pool) usually in daylight. I sometimes marvel at the beauty of the water as the surface reflects certain patterns yet simultaneously reveals what is under the surface. As such, I may jump in and out of numerous dreams (at the rate of about one per minute or more) of this nature in about an hour.

Due to how I am apparently different from most people in this way, this particular entry is probably of no use to people who “suffer” from their dreams or dream states. Why am I different? On the one hand, I was a ten-month baby instead of a nine-month baby. While my mother “almost bled to death” giving birth (according to reports), she very quickly recovered. On the other hand, some people have claimed it is related to healing myself after my accident as a toddler when I nearly lost my left hand (when a large shard from a broken mug sliced through my wrist and out the side of my forearm). The nerves and tendons were supposedly too damaged (and reconnected incorrectly in surgery) to ever work again. Somehow though, after I willed myself to gain use of my hand (while both awake and sleeping), the nerves and tendons, even though they had been connected wrongly, began to work to where my hand had full use (with no difference in how I perceived which fingers I was moving as might be expected). Whether or not my deliberate healing of myself through different levels of consciousness changed how I became more aware of other levels of consciousness and their symbolic dynamics, remains unsolved, but it does make sense, as I am typically aware of what dream symbolism is representing as it is occurring, something that most people do not seem able to understand.

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Morning of January 9, 2018. Tuesday.



So far, in my prefatory series, I have provided “Known Key Symbolism 2018: Common Liminal Space Settings (1)” and “Known Key Symbolism 2018: Dream State Indicators”.

I hope I have made it clear so far, of what I understand (and have often validated) from over fifty years of dream study. Due to the fact that many people only remember a few of their dreams (or none at all), they like to infuse “meaning” (that is, meaning not related to either the biological or the spiritual nature of unconsciousness or the dream state and waking transition itself, as well as no acknowledgement of literal dream threads including prescience) into what few dreams are recalled. Many people do not actually understand what lucidity is (or how it works) and consequently use the term loosely and incorrectly. They also (almost relentlessly) fail to see how someone like me typically recalls five to nine non-lucid dreams a day (minimum of three), not including the virtually limitless hypnagogic sequences (of which are wholly lucid) at the beginning of every normal sleeping period. As a cop-out, some people will say, “oh, but a few dreams have meaning and importance, but most others do not”, which is kind of like saying, “oh, sometimes the stomach’s digestion of food is important, other times, when the stomach digests food, nothing is happening and the stomach is not even there”. Many people fail to understand that dreams can be fully controlled (either with lucid or non-lucid dream self perception) and even purposely formed from one idea (including for healing purposes and unfathomable levels of bliss and joy), and the more one studies and understands what dreams mean, the more natural clarity of mind automatically develops, resulting in virtually no nightmares (unless biologically premonitory) or even disturbing dreams. Still, RAS (the Reticular Activating System) and I have had a love-hate relationship since early childhood, based on whether or not I wanted to sleep and dream longer or typically whether there was environmental noise or not, these factors completely irrelevant to “interpretation” or waking life.

People like to over-dramatize and systematically “answer questions” even where none exist in the way they are implying. They like to infuse another person’s dream with negative context even when there is none. They like to pretend there is conflict or major issues to “solve”. They like to pretend that the dynamically fictional dream self (personified subconscious) is the same as the current conscious self identity, even when there is no evidence of viable memory or even common sense on the part of the very limited temporary dream self.

Everyone else I have ever known of (writings of the public that is), in virtually everything I have ever read about dreams since childhood, confuses RAS mediation with the so-called subconscious. This is probably why the bizarre belief that “my subconscious is trying to tell me something” came about. The inability to discern RAS mediation from the generic subconscious is unusual, but to be expected in the public’s limited understanding.

It goes without saying that the dream self in non-lucid dreams can only be the personified subconscious (or the “subconscious itself”). Being that the subconscious band has no concept of time or space (or any viable intelligence or consistent memory) unless conscious self identity threads (certain active neural patterns) are extant, how can the subconscious “solve an issue”? (Many people tend to confuse “subconscious” with “unconscious”.) Since this is the case, where does the dominant preconscious come from? (Confusion also results from many systems using “preconscious” and “subconscious” as synonyms when they are very different bands, at least in my extensive work.) RAS comes in to mediate sleep-wake transitions, and such symbolism inherently reflects the nature of waking from the dream state. This is biological fact, not some sort of half-baked theory or popular superstition. More so, understanding RAS is what eventually creates the potential for consciously controlling the dream state (though not one hundred percent as waking is a biological necessity - though there are people who have an eerie degree of control over their heart rate), something many people cannot seem to grasp at all, because many people see dreams as some sort of inexplicable mental event that they need to “interpret”, yet with zero interest in actually understanding anything.

For review, to integrate what I have written in this prefatory set thus far:

Again, I have confidently stated, with certainty developed for over fifty years, that liminal space symbols are directly related to the waking transition and have no need for “interpretation” due to their inherent nature of representing and symbolizing, in real time, the space between dreaming and waking. (Again, I will also remind people that this association is literal when linked to real life perception. That is, a porch, a parking lot, and a store’s checkout are also liminal spaces in real life. I only chose those three for now, as they are the most common liminal space symbols in my own dreams, sometimes occurring several times a week and for over fifty years.)

Again, I emphasize that dream state indicators are based on residual subliminal memory of having fallen asleep and consequently usually have no need for “interpretation”. Dream state indicators naturally occur in my dreams more often than not, though I typically do not go into detail about them in singular dream posts.

Again, I emphasize that, on a basic level, liminal space symbols and dream state indicators are unrelated within the dream state and are two completely different processes (just as in waking life, as an example, thoughts about finishing an essay and recent memories about your girlfriend are inherently unrelated, a result of two completely different mental processes occurring at the same time), yet can be a part of the same dream sequence. They may also be integrated within dreams with additional meaning (of which is closer to waking life patterns or personal meaning), even prescient threads, yet in a way that may not be cohesive, which is why many people might be inclined to completely ignore such events or features or mistakenly “interpret” everything as a whole.

At this point, I will address the failure of people to understand that conflict in the dream state may be based solely on RAS mediation and have no viable connection to waking life conflict or internal conflict assuming any even exists in the first place. It is ironic how people refuse to understand RAS mediation (misunderstanding it as the subconscious this or subconscious that) and try to infuse negative context where there is more opportunity for positive affirmation and assertiveness or true understanding of one’s own mind (the most important factor that could exist in life).

RAS mediation in its raw mode likes to generate snakes as the waking alert, probably because this is a key factor of primate fear (and I am willing to bet that snakes are a common factor in the dreams of all primates). Ten different people have ten different dreams about snakes around the same time, and all one needs to do is sit back and watch the nonsense concerning “interpretation” or “meaning” and have no choice but to roll their eyes.

The thread of RAS mediation is likely to be that which chases (or intrudes upon) the dreamer, whether or not someone is trying to “escape” from something in reality or has any issues of conflict when awake. “Wake up and get out of bed before you wet yourself” may be the sole “interpretation” of RAS intrusion into the dream (or it may be an unknown or unexpected environmental noise that threads of the emergent consciousness become vaguely concerned about - for example, arguments between people we do not know, but who had been walking down the street early in the morning near our house, have intruded into my dreams and changed the symbolism, which of course has nothing to do with my conscious self identity or even unconscious essence). Whether or not I have conflict in waking life is unrelated to how RAS mediates my dream other than incidentally. I could use my dream to punch someone I do not like, and at least provide some “relief”, but does that really address any hope for an “answer”? I think not. Some people, for example bullies, religious zealots, or people who believe the world is flat, simply cannot be “solved”. The longer someone keeps a dream journal (though one must actually pay attention), the more obvious it becomes. There is a very clear difference between the nature of different dream state components, which I have vividly noticed since early childhood, all of that and inexplicable prescience as well.

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Morning of January 12, 2018. Friday.



Zsuzsanna and I watched “Let Me In” (from 2010) last night and I considered that it would be an intriguing idea to structure as a dream state fantasy. Still, I did not put any actual effort into the idea, though it still influenced a small part of my dream.

At any rate, my dream has an unfamiliar setting. It reminds me of the King Street mansion in some ways, though the tower feature is duplicated to the opposite side of the house. My father is walking on a narrow wooden plank that is apparently supported by the windowsill of each tower from both sides. My mother is also present, but remains standing on the ground near the residence, at the front of the house.

A couple different times, I am somewhat wary about my father walking back and forth on this thin plank so high up. It seems precarious and although he seems confident and balanced, I have a vague anticipation that he might fall, though he never does.

There is only one scene that reflects a part of the movie, and that does not directly trigger any recall related to my current conscious self identity. As I walk into a different area in a house near the first house (where my parents and I are apparently implied to be living), which is somewhat like a large open featureless porch (though more like a park shelter integrated into a house), a young female is present who says, “Just so you know, I can’t be your friend”, just as in the first part of the movie. This frustrates me somewhat, though I do not recall what the actual influence is related to. (I get the impression that the girl is a young version of Zsuzsanna, though this is only later, as my memory is not extant.) Later, the girl’s mother talks to me about what she (the girl) wants, though she seems to be the actress who played the boy’s mother in the movie (though this does not trigger any recall either).

My dream mainly becomes a generic and typical waking transition. There are two ladders against the porch, one on each side at the front. I feel the need to adjust them, though when I move the ladder on the right (waking orientation symbol) only a little, after climbing up and down on them, the entire house shakes and vibrates. This causes me to stop out of concern of causing my father to fall from the plank. My dream fades after this, with no vestibular system activity (that is, no typical waking jolt based on perceived flight, rising, or any falling sensation or typical spontaneous muscle movement).

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Evening of January 11, 2018. Thursday.



This is from a shorter nap this evening, which is typically more vivid and with a direct awareness of what my dream is doing symbolically (especially in lucidity).

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I am lucid, though not with the conscious control factor, as I allow myself to comfortably drift in liminal space. I am in the higher liminal space, just on the threshold of vaguely perceiving my real environment, thus the symbolism is inherent to this state, which uses a common liminal space divider as the neural pattern representation, which is a wooden fence. I focus on the gate and notice the top hinge is missing (which symbolizes the event horizon of dream state cessation). I feel like sleeping a few minutes longer to sustain my dream and its vividness, so I find myself with a hammer and start nailing a small stick into the area where a hinge would otherwise go. However, this also implies that the gate might not feasibly open, at least normally. Still, my dream self vividly announces, “It might be all right.“

Even so, my realization of the symbolism’s meaning causes a simultaneous shift, though without spontaneous muscle response (as is otherwise sometimes the case). I now become aware, in an offset dream, of a section of gate in undefined space. It is floating vertically, not attached to anything. I catch myself saying, “Steve…are you aware of what’s going on?” and wake. (This is me attempting to communicate with RAS - Reticular Activating System, of which I am directly aware I am doing in this case, which is usually passive unless I have been sleeping longer in a normal sleeping period. Calling it Steve is just a randomly retrieved thread, as I had not thought of him recently.)

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Despite symbolism in dreams being directly related to the state of sleep induction, unconsciousness, and the waking transition (which most people in the world bizarrely fail to understand at all, including so-called experts and professionals), it does sometimes incidentally borrow from recent experiences at times (even including the most emotional situation seen on television when it otherwise has no relation or connection to waking life). Yesterday, I went to borrow a wheelie bin from the house next door, which is presently vacant, and found that the gate to the back yard was not feasibly set up. It did not seem to have proper hinges and just sat there in a vertical position, held by the bolt lock. (However, my dream’s gate was only about one-third the size and wooden, not metal like the real one.)

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The name I mention is a classmate’s, who I have not seen since 1976. (I have not even seen him on Facebook.) I do not actually see him in my dream but I do have an awareness of his memory as he was at around fourteen. Still, the main memory of him relates to childhood, where he wanted to quickly borrow a set of Whitman cards I had, which had an animation (on the back of them) when all the cards were flipped, which displayed a rabbit hopping into a hat, the hat moving about, and a dove flying out. He said that if I let him use the cards for a time, he would “like me forever” (and be my friend forever). Not believing a word of what he said, I still cheerfully let him have my cards. He immediately raced to the other side of the playground to show them to a girl. The girl seemed completely unimpressed and even annoyed, and just walked away. I found the scenario very amusing, but I never reminded him of it in all the time we were in school.

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Afternoon of January 9, 2018. Tuesday.



In my previous entry, “Known Key Symbolism 2018: Common Liminal Space Settings (1)”, I explained how a porch, a parking lot, and a store checkout are known forms of dream state symbolism that typically mark the last segment of my dreams during the waking process (and of which have featured in thousands of my dreams as such since childhood). As also stated, there are many more, though typically that which symbolizes liminal space in the dream state is that which symbolizes liminal space in reality (just as that which represents a liminal space divider in a dream is that which symbolizes a liminal space division in reality, for example, a fence, a wall, a presumably closed window or door, or even a ceiling if one becomes focused on it, even the contrast of ground and sky in some dreams). This entry relates to another common factor of my dreams, what I now mainly refer to as dream state indicators (referred to as dream signs in most older entries, though others use that term in a slightly different way).

In the hour or so leading up to going to bed and going to sleep, what do people do? Many people take their shoes off. They probably get undressed. They are eventually typically in bed, sleeping, often in a dark room.

So why are people puzzled when they are not wearing shoes (or cannot find their shoes) when in the dream state? Why are they puzzled about being undressed, including being undressed in public? If the physical body is undressed, why would someone be surprised about not being fully dressed while in the dream state regardless of the dream’s setting?

In this entry, I will mostly only write of first-level dream state indicators without getting into the more complicated factors. Some of the more obvious dream state indicators (for me) are:

Not wearing shoes or being undressed in public (of which I am typically not only unconcerned about, but which I often initiate deliberately in lucid dreams, including in public places, since I recognize it is just the dream state - and to indulge in additional levels of sensual connections to Zsuzsanna in this “other state”, which of course is literal and literally willed in such a case)

A bed, including a bed in an unusual location (especially in a known liminal space setting)

Appearances of pillows, bed sheets, and bedroom features

Features that exist in our bedroom in real life, including features that are not inherently associated with a bedroom for other people

Seeing someone else (or even an animal) sleeping (though note that dreaming I am sleeping, regardless of the setting, while actually feeling tired, means just that - that my physical body is overtired in real life - this not being in cases where I happen to be in bed or otherwise “sleeping” in the dream state without that augmented sense of tiredness)

This last indicator is so common, I came to typify it (around the age of eight) as “The Sleeper”. (Still, there are cases where The Sleeper is linked to a prescient thread, as when our oldest son got very ill on September 26, 2017, or with my detailed dream that came just prior to our roof being torn off by the storm a couple months back, even including the large tarpaulins being put over our house and the unusual appearance of this sudden and totally unexpected storm.) In some cases (such as “The Dead One” from February 13, 1971), The Sleeper is perceived as a corpse (though in that dream, Brenda came back to life but coalesced into the unconscious space, which is different than waking space coalescence that involves the dream self coalescing back into the conscious self identity).

Dream state indicators can also be related to false awakenings, for example, writing down a previous dream in a dream journal (in a dream) or talking about it with someone else. In some dreams, I have actually, as my dream self, relayed the meaning of a dream without realizing I was in the dream state at the time. False awakenings of this nature are so common that I often do not even document them unless there are unusual or interesting variations. (They occur in a different level of unconsciousness anyway, so are typically not related to the dream that they followed other than writing it down or talking to another dream character about it in the offset dream.)

It should be clear that the nature of liminal space settings of the waking process is completely different from the nature of dream state indicators (though sometimes dream state indicators are rendered in liminal space, which I will explain in another entry). Liminal space settings (and their inherent symbolism) are typically a result of the waking process, whereas dream state indicators are subliminal remnants of having fallen asleep. Thus, on one level, they are opposite factors though which typically occur during the same waking transition.

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